Doomguy HATES Nightmare Night

by Immortan Joe

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3794

Everything was going good on Nightmare Night till Rainbow Dash got the bright idea to prank Doomguy.

Nightmare Night finally arrived and Luna was having a wonderful time with Twilight. And everything was going well for the small town of Ponyville, 'till Rainbow Dash decided to prank the blood thirsty space marine that went berserk over Smarty Pants just a month back. Now please list all the things that can go wrong with that idea.

I'd like to say: All the ponies who are hurt or harmed in anyway in this story are not ponies I hate. This is not some type of trollfic or story I'm writing just so I can write about hurting one of them. I love all ponies deeply and equally *Cough*Except for Luna*Cough* and that *Cough*She's best pony*Cough* all of them get hurt equally.

Now please don't take this story seriously and have a Happy Halloween!

Published 2013-10-31 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-31 03:40:01 UTC

He really hates it

Doom Guy HATES Nightmare Night

He made his way passed the trees and across the dirt road, brushing the leaves off his mud stained armor, which used to be green. He released an audible groan as his stomach screamed for food and other refreshments. It’s been exactly twenty eight days since he arrived in this bizarre world; it’s been exactly twenty eight days since the doll incident.

Ever since that incident he’s been hiding in the dark, avoiding countless patrols that big white horse bitch sent after him. He was a wanted man for causing mass havoc that wasn’t his fault… well… now that he thinks about it. He did punch that purple horse in the face, and then flicked them all off right in front of their leader.

So yeah it was kind of his own fault that he’s now hiding in the dark avoiding flying horse birds covered in platted armor. He could probably take them… Shit he knows he can take them, but he’d rather not cause any more problems.

His stomach grumbles again, he shakes his head and clutches his gut. He hasn’t eaten in three days and that grizzly bear he fucked up a while back was taken away from him by an even larger constellated bear. And without his gun (which he misses dearly) it makes finding food even harder.

He took his helmet off and yawned, gazing up at the star riddled sky he breathed in the cool fall air and released a cloud of carbon dioxide. The stars did look beautiful tonight; most of sky was clear, save for the occasional cloud or two.  It was even surprising quiet out, and he liked that, it was different. And that’s all he thought, it was different. He didn’t need to peek around any corner, or blast any imps in the face. All he needed to do is lay down in the grass and think of what he is going to ea–

Krakaboom!

He nearly jumped out of his armor, diving forward he hid behind a nearby tree. He wasn’t scared… no, no, no he never gets scared… just startled that’s all. Yeah, that’s it startled. Whatever that was it had large weapon, shit why did Minty have to shoot his gun out of his hand? And why wasn’t it there the next day when he came back for it?

“Bwahahaha! Oh you should have seen the look on your face!” Laughed a tomboyish girl. “Oh Sweet Celestia, you looked like you’re about to die, bwahahaha! Oh my, my side’s hehe… that was a good one,” She giggled.

He craned his head around the corner to get a look at this girl, and to his distaste he recognized this pony. Mare in black skin suit with rainbow mane sat on a black storm cloud laughing her ass off. Now he had no fucking idea on how she was sitting on that cloud nor did he even give two shits. Matter of fact all he was thinking right now is how the fuck is he going to rip her off that damn thing, and shove her fucking wings down her throat. Maybe then she’ll have something to laugh about… wait a second… he doesn’t think that makes any sense… ah who gives a fuck, as long as he can get her back by the end of this he doesn’t care.

The only problem is, how the hell, is he going to get her down from there? He watched the rainbow mane bird horse fly off with her cloud. Once she was out of sight he stepped out from his cover, he began to head off in the direction the Pegasus went in. While he followed her he began to smile.

Oh he had an idea, a good one too. The thing is though, he’s going to need some help, but that wouldn’t be a problem. Because he knows who he needs to find, and he’s been around these parts before so he knows where to look. His smile grew ear to ear revealing his nice purley whites. Oh this is going to be perfect.

:[-]:

He poked his head out from a bush just on the outskirts of the small village; he could see dozens of small horse kids roaming around with bags of candy strapped to their backs following another horse, which was dressed like a chicken. He saw watched with a curious eye as the group of kids followed the older chicken horse in the town as they periodically stopped at house to gather even more candy.

His stomach groaned, he winced and his eyes shot down to his stomach, and then back up again. To his right he saw two more little horses heading up the trail and back towards the town carrying two large bags of treats. “Man I can’t believe Granny Smith was giving away so much candy,” The grey colt said happily as he snacked on a chocolate bar.

“I know right, she even gave me this Sprite stick,” Said the little girl as she tore the top off her pixy stix.

You know what that’s it enough stalling he’s hungry time to snack on something. “Really, I haven’t even seen one all night, you know I love those things,” The colt complained.

“You can have a little if you’d like, Rum–”

Snap!

“What was that!?” The colt’s head spun around so that it was looking back down the trail they just came.

“What was what?” The filly asked, she too checking back.

“Did you just hear that?” The colt asked his voice starting to waver.

“Well, I thought I heard something, but it might just be a raccoon or something…” The filly trailed off into silence. “L-let’s just head back into town,” she said as she turned her head back around. “I don’t like it out he–EEEP!”

Falling onto the ground her head snapped upwards so that she was glaring straight into the eyes of six foot monster. “Wh-what is it–Holy CRAP!” Same as the girl the colt fell back onto his ass a shock expression on his face as he stared into the eyes of cold hearted killer. He glared down at the kids with a solemn expression. Raising his finger slowly like elderly man on his death bed, he pointed his index finger at the bag of candy that lay on its side spilling the contents onto the dirt.

“Y-you, want the candy?” The girl asked, he nodded his head, she stumbled onto her feet. Bending down she took a piece into her mouth and held it up for him to take. He raised an eyebrow; taking the piece of candy he held it up to his visor.

His eyes widened in fear, oh the horror! Oh the disgusting horror! Why did he even let that filthy creature wrap her gums around that plastic wrapper!? There’s no way in hell he’d ever put anything like this in his mouth, flinging the sugary treat aside angrily he bent down and took the both of their bags into his hands.

“Hey, you can’t steal that from us!” The boy squeaked. “You know how hard we had to work for those?”

He quirked an eyebrow, work, what walking up to somebody’s front porch and saying trick or treat is work? That’s if they even say trick or treat, for all he know they have to walk over hot coals to earn just a single piece, or prank a blind man into walking into a busy street. He rolled his eyes, reaching into bag he produced two gumballs and tossed one to each of the two kids. With that he brushed past each of them and began heading straight into the town. “A gumball seriously, I’m telling my brother on you!” The boy climbed onto his feet and shot an angry look at the tall striking creature.

He glanced over his shoulder and gave the young colt a look he’d never forget, turning away from him he walked off towards the town. “Well that was… messed up.” The girl said with a disturbed look. She waited for Rumble to reply but when she didn’t receive one she looked at her friend with a concerned look. “Rumble, are you okay?” She asked him but still he didn’t reply. Instead he stood there, his mouth hung open and his eyes wide with fear as he just stood there. Staring into the distance not even moving a single muscle, the filly waved her hoof in front of his face but he didn’t react. “Rumble, you’re scaring me what’s going on?”

:[-]:

Pony’s looked him with confused and disturbed looks; he took a quick glance over his shoulder. Making sure not to look them in the eye too long, by the looks of it none of them really seemed to have recognized him. At least not yet, he shrugged his shoulders and readjusted the two large bags of candy he held in each of his hands. Well that suits him, as long as those golden guard horses don’t come raining down from the sky. Maybe he could enjoy himself a bit, you know like. Eat some candy maybe throw those little spider looking things at that web just across from him… looks like a stage maybe there’s like a karaoke machine or something, oh sweet there’s a bar just on the other side of the–

“Ah! Nightmare Moon is gobbling Pip Squeak! Everypony Ruuuun!”

What the fuck?

“Heeelp! My but side has been gobbled!”

Wh-what the fuck?

“TIS A LIE! THY BACKSIDE IS WHOLE AND UN-GOBBLED, THY UNGRATEFUL WELP!” Lighting flashed follow by a crack of thunder; all around him everything fell silent.

What the fuck!? Did he miss something? His head shot back and forth trying to find out where the screaming and shouting is coming from. His eyes fell on one large blue horse similar to the tall white one with the ice cream mane, yet this one was slightly smaller and was a dark shade of blue.

“Fair villagers, please do not back away,” the blue horse pleaded. “Let us gather together in…” She stopped to think. “Fun,” She gestured out with her hoof and smiled.

He smiled, yes fun is good. He stood there waiting to see what this horse was going to do next. Apparently she hasn’t noticed him yet; her head shot from the left then the right only to go down when she noticed the small spider plushy on the ground. Picking it up in her teeth, oh god what else do these creatures put in their mouths? She dropped it into her hoof and tossed it out to the crowd of shocked ponies.

The toy landed with a squeak and the townsfolk glared at it not knowing what to do. Okay, he had to admit… this isn’t really fu–

“Not enough fun for you?” The blue horse asked angrily.

Well yeah, how is throwing a toy spider at a crowd suppose to be fun? Seriously what do you expect them to do? Fight to the death over it like he did with the toy twenty eight days ago, well at the time during his high it was fun… but afterwards when he realized he been drugged he–

“What say you took this!?” The horse fired a beam of electricity at the plush toy, moments later the toy grew into a giant eight legged tarantula that had four evil red eyes. Just only mere seconds later she fired another beam into a large basket full of them creating a tiny army of evil tarantulas. The spiders crawled along the ground towards the giant web, save for a few that pounced on a poor pink pony, he turned away before he could anything else that happened to her.

“Hazaa! How many points do I receive?” The crazed horse asked as her right eye twitched almost on controllably. Jesus man she’s almost as crazy as the purple horse that drugged him… he felt something crawling up his leg, looking down he jumped back at the sight of one of the spiders crawling up his leg. Kicking his leg out the spider lost its and flew in the air like… well a rock really because seconds later it came back down hard and landed on the face of an orange pony that was dressed like a vampire.

The pony screamed in fear as it began running blindly, causing a massive chain reaction of even more screams and panicking ponies. He took a step back towards a nearby alley way hoping that he doesn’t attract too much attention. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the blue princess raising a hoof as she slowly walked through the panicking crowd. “Please… do not run away,” she said furrowing her brow. “As your Princess we command you!”

Bitch you started all of this! He thought as he crouched down behind a nearby barrel. Surrounding him he noticed the mass chaos that was wreaking havoc all around him, horses that were too dumb to watch out where they were going crashed into each other, or tripped over barrels of apples… Okay it was kind of hard not to smile at that but he couldn’t help himself. After a few seconds he began to realize that this was starting to grow a bit ridicules, like seriously one of them just ran into a stand face first and sent a massive… he doesn’t even know what it was tumbling down almost crushing a few horses.

And the horse with rainbow fro just scaled a pole and caused it to fall over…. Srsly!?

Lighting flashed throughout the sky and a loud booming voice shouted. “Be Still!”

“Princess remember–” His hand shout up to where his ear is under his helmet, wait a second! Yes, yes he remembers that voice, ohohoho he remembers that voice clearly. Just in time too because this was the pony he was actually looking for oh yes. His smile reached stretched far and wide to the point that his face actually began to hurt.

“No, Twilight Sparkle!” Boomed the princess. “We must use the traditional royal Canterlot voice for in which we are about to say!” The horse smiled evilly.

Oh this can’t be good, he thought as he began to stand. “Since you choose to fear your Princess rather than love her.” She said as storm clouds formed over head and she took to sky, his head followed her up along with everyone else’s. He began to approach the two ponies. “And dishonor her with this insulting celebration.” Dishonoring? How is this dishonoring, by the looks of it this celebration looks like it has nothing to do with her and– “We declare that Nightmare Night shall be cancelled for eveeer!” Her voice echoed while the lighting flashed.

He stopped right under the Princess horse who was still locked in her still framed pose. Around him he could hear children beginning to cry just as what she just said finally began to dawn on them. Seconds past and he stood there his brows twitching because they couldn’t furrow deeper than they already were, hand clenching and unclenching into a fist. Despite his hatred he developed for this pathetic species a while back and the fact that he can give two shits about what they do.

But this was just stupid, outrageous really! She scared these creatures nearly have to death and throws a temper tantrum about it. And just to try and get her way she cancels one of their holidays!? What the hell man, that’s, that’s… he can’t put it to words. But he can say this; this bitch is going to get what’s coming to her.

Luna landed back onto the ground, her head hung low and eyes shut. She released a stressful sigh, after a thousand years of being on the moon. Ponies still don’t treat her the way she wanted to be treated, for a thousand years they thought of her as a monster, killer, and a tyrant. Even though in reality she’s possibly one of the nicest pon– Something tapped her on the shoulder, she raised her head. Could this be? Did her bluff really cause these ponies to look at her the othe–

WHAM!

His right fist collided into the horse’s right eye sending her straight into the dirt; surrounding him the startled screams of ponies who had just witnessed his crime filled his ears. Brining his arm back he cracked his knuckles, Princess or not… she’s a bitch.

He turned his back to the princess who laid out cold and sprawled out on the dirt. Cracking his neck he came face to face with Twilight Sparkle, the pony who drugged him, she was dressed in a strange magician outfit, fitted with a fake beard and Gandalf hat. Twilight looked him in the eyes her face filled with shock and anger, he smiled this pony wasn’t threatening in the sli–

A blast of energy struck him in the chest sending him fifty yards back and into a tree… okay he stands… corrected, she is slightly threatening. He fell onto his knees, pushing himself up; he charged full speed at the unicorn. Before Twilight could react, his hand clasped around her face and threw her into the ground. Bending over he stared into her shrunken fear filled eyes, lifting her up off the ground ponies began to scream in terror.

Jamming his left hand to the left he pointed at the tall tree house in the distance. The unicorn muffled something into the palm his hand, confused he placed her on the ground and released her. The screams died down. “Y-you want me to take you to my home?”

He nodded his head.

“Why?”

He said nothing.

“Hello, I’m speaking to you.”

Again nothing…

“Can you… Ugh… whatever…” She said as she began to walk towards the tree house, he smiled evilly as he rubbed his palms together.

:[-]:

Throwing the prank can of snakes on the counter alongside the transformation book; he placed his finger next to the picture of RD and the having wings spell. Twilight, (who was tied up in a chair) glanced down at the book and then back at him. “You want me to give you wings?”

He nodded his head.

“Just so you can get pay back for a prank one of my friends pulled on you?”

He nodded his head again.

“You know, you could’ve just asked and I would have been completely okay with just giving you wings right then and there. You didn’t have to punch Luna in the face and then attack me.”

He smiled at the memory.

“Ugh… fine just stand back and I’ll cast the spell.”

He did as he was told.

Twilight charged up her horn, after a few seconds he began to feel tingles forming in his back. As the moment passed he felt something forming along his back, glancing back he frowned… butterfly wings… fucking seriously? Butterfli-wh-what!?

She couldn’t have like given him demon wings, better yet bird wings or something?

“What, you don’t like them? I can get rid of them if you want?” He shook his head no, Twilight sighed. “Well before you go there’s one more spell I need to cast, that’s if you want to be able to walk on clouds that is.”

He nodded his head once more.

Just like before Twilight’s horn lit up, but instead he felt nothing. A bright flash caught him off guard but he stood still, looking at Twilight he saw her still sitting there in her chair. “There you go you can walk on clouds now, now could you please untie me?”

He swung his hand to the side, completely ignoring her he made his way out the door. Leaving the mare tied to the chair. “Seriously? Wow, no consideration for others.” With one last flash of her magic the rope fell to the ground and Twilight stood up. “Alright, Luna, please don’t be too far.”

:[-]:

Landing on the porch of Rainbow Dash’s cloud house (which honestly wasn’t that hard for him to find.) he took hold of the handle and gently opened the door. The house was dark save for the midnight rays that pierced the cloud layer, casting a light glow. Now he had no idea how the fuck physics work in this house, either all the objects, such as the couch the bed that plate sitting on the island counter are enchanted. Or literally these ponies are just giving Isaac Newton the finger, well he couldn’t really say anything either since he fought the minions of hell more than once but… that’s a discussion for another time.

Right now he needs to focus on revenge; taking the gag can off his belt he placed it on the cloud counter. Yep fuck you physics, once the can was in place he took out his special note. Which he placed next to the can with care; taking a peek behind his back he looked for a place to hide. A place to wait for his victim to show up, as his eyes drifted across the room he found the perfect spot. Ah yes, the closet.

Once he was in position he sat down and waited.

:[-]:

Now it didn’t take long for his victim to arrive, six minutes to be exact. And boy… did everything not go so well. When the cyan horse approached the gag can she frowned. “Very funny… now don’t you think I haven’t fallen for this before?” She shouted out into the air hoping for that her little prankster would be in earshot.

He smiled, okay maybe the can trick was a little obvious. But that didn’t stop him from going into phase two. As the bird horse glanced around the room looking for her intruder, he decided to… you know come out of the closet. On other occasions this would seem completely creepy and horrifying for a tall stranger coming out of your closet right behind you.

Yet this seemed to scare Dash beyond ends, once she heard the door to her closet close shut she turned and saw that same creature she pranked hours ago. Standing at her door cracking his fists with butterfly wings, she didn’t know what to say “sorry” maybe… well that seemed out of the question since an apology won’t be able to save her from the ass whooping she was about to receive.

Maybe fly away? No that can’t help her at this distance even Tank could catch her before she even got off the ground. Dash sighed there was only one thing she could do…

Scream…