...And it is said, that Fierce Flight, the Moderately Trustworthy came upon a cave during his exile. Seeking shelter from the elements, he treaded inside the darkness, relying on nothing but his hearing and smell. To his great surprise, it lead into a well lit chamber deep inside the mountain. He was suspicious, of course, for that area has been known to be unpopulated, but his concerns were sated when he saw that the light was coming from luminescent mushrooms all over the chamber wall.
Deciding to rest for a while, he put down his meager belongings, before finding a cozy spot to lie upon. Being tired from the day's ordeals, he quickly fell asleep.
His rest was not undisturbed, however. He was awoken by the sound of powerful wings flapping, and it came closer by each minute. He readied his trusty sword, turning to face his enemy...
...Only to find out that the sound came from a lonely bat, whose flapping was amplified by the acoustics of the cavern. It flied towards the pegasus, without any fear.
Fierce Flight put down his weapon, and was about to shoo it away; his hoof stopped in the air however. Looking upon the small bat, he found it the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. He drew closer, not wanting to scare it away, until he was within a feeet of it. He leaned closer and closer, slowly puckering his l—
_________________________________________________________________________________
"That's it, I'm done with you."
The bat pony looked at her companion, pouting.
"Done? I was just getting started!"
The stallion sitting across her table huffed.
"No thanks, I think I've had enough of your stories for today. How do you come up with this stuff?"
The bat pony furrowed her brow, looking hurt.
"Hey, you asked me to tell you the origins of my people! That story was a hundred percent true!"
The pegasus raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, first of all, and I cannot press this enough, ewww! Second, counting the bat-pegasus romance out, I still find the notion of luminescent mushrooms growing in a cave devoid of light! They had to absorb it from somewhere!"
"Nitpicker!" the bat pony grumbled.
"Excuse me, sir and madam?" a third voice came. They both turned to see a burly minotaur, brandishing a two-headed axe, and not of the wood-chopping kind. "I'm terribly sorry to interrupt your conversation, but as I've told everypony before, THIS IS A RAID!"
"Oh." The bat pony turned to her companion. "Seriously, you'd think we notice a robbery in progress, eh, Case?"
Case snorted.
"Says the pony who slept through a boulderslide."
"Hey, I was real tired at the time!" she protested. Both of them got surprise when the minotaur cleaved their table in half, sending their untouched confectionery flying through the air, then unceremoniously landing on the ground with a soft splat.
"Hey! I was gonna eat that!" she cried. The stallion silently stood up.
"Looks like someone needs a good old-fashioned smackdown!" he huffed, closing in on the minotaur. Curiously, the bull-man was holding a lot of baked goods in one hand.
"Kick him in the donut!" the bat pony cheered. The stallion lunged at the minotaur, but missed as the creature swiftly stepped away from his path. He quickly turned back, charging again at his foe, but was sent through the room with a backhanded slap.
"Oh come on, he's just one minotaur!" the bat pony said, rolling her eyes. The stallion got up, and tried to lunge at the minotaur from the air, but got smacked with the blunt side of the axe. Crashing into a display case, he decided not to push it.
"All yours, Gaze!"
The bat pony sighed.
"Seriously? Can't even take care of a simple situation like this?"
Meanwhile, the minotaur stepped before the bat pony, gripping his axe tightly.
"Look here, missie, I don't want to hurt you more than I have to. So, if you'd kindly go and—"
He never got to finish his sentence. The bat pony, as if her hooves were made of springs, jumped up with such speed that the minotaur only felt her head connect with his chin, but he could not see her. Staggering back, three more surprise kicks came, the second sending his axe spinning through the air, ending up in a wall. Three more kicks, and the minotaur considered converting to a lifetime of peace and quiet, away from the sins of the world. His contemplation was cut short when the bat pony crashed the half table he cleaved earlier right on his forehead. The minotaur finally decided to visit the happy lands of unconsciousness.
The stallion identified as Case dusted himself off, and brushed a piece of splattered confectionery from his nose. Seeing as his partner had the situation under control, he looked around the store. Apart from their cleaved table and some scattered donuts and cakes in the remains of the display case, everything seemed to be in order. Which, in fact, was a small miracle by itself. The customers who were herded together beforehand finally dared to break their group, some even checking out their assailant curiously. Speaking of whom, Case noticed that Gaze had already tied him up somehow, and was in the process of doodling on his horn. When she noticed him staring, she waved to him with a hoof full of... coal?
Deciding it was not important at the time, Case stepped to the store's proprietor, Donut...Joe? Whatever his name was, he seemed a bit shaken, not to mention nervous. The stallion stepped closer to him.
"Excuse me, could you please answer a few questions for me?"
"Huh? Uh, yes, of course. You did save my store, after all."
"Excellent. I'd like to ask if you—"
"Where were you on the 26th of October?!"
Case shot a disapproving glance at his partner.
"Gaze, I'm in the middle of taking a testimony!" he chided her. Gaze lowered her head, but then perked up immediately.
"Okay! Take one for me, too, I'm starving!"
She trotted away happily, followed by a bemused frown from her partner. Joe was too distracted to notice the exchange. Case cleared his throat.
"As I was trying to ask, do you know this minotaur?"
"No, no, no! I've never seen him in my life!"
"I see. Do you have any enemies? Somepony who'd consider sending a minotaur after you?"
Donut Joe shook his head vehemently.
"No, nopony comes to mind.Sure, there were ponies who didn't like my cooking, but they simply left. I don't think there ever was a case of loud dissatisfaction in my store, not to mention destruction!"
"Have no fear, for this is the case of Case on the case!" the pegasus joked. Donut Joe looked at him with a blank expression. Fortunately, the growing silence was interrupted by Gaze, who came to tug on Case's tail.
"Caaaaaaaase! I gathered clues!" she chimed. The stallion shivered.
"Oh, Celestia, not again!" the stallion grumbled, following his partner to a considerable heap of junk beside the now awake (and quite unsettled) minotaur. He pulled out a large piece of broked wood from the heap.
"What the heck is this?"
"Oh, that's a piece of our table!" she beamed. "Y'know, for evidence!"
Case sighed, and browsed through the various stuff his partner collected. From debris to squished pastries through items probably lost near the shop, there wasn't a single piece of usable evidence present.
"Gaze, this junk isn't helping."
"Aww, c'mon case! Look, I even found a trumpet! I mean, what are the odds?"
"Actually," spoke up a pony from the crowd, "that's mine. I left it outside, and I couldn't get it earlier because... well, you know."
Gaze held out the trumpet dejectedly, which the owner quickly retrieved with a thankful nod. Regaining her energy, the bat pony once again turned to Case.
"Wait, Case, look at the special evidence I found!"
The pegasus sighed.
"This better not be like that taco you called 'special evidence' the last time."
He took a disinterested look at the items she presented to him. Thankfully, these were at least separated, so he didn't have to bother with the browsing again.
"So, let me see. Floor plans—"
"I took it down from the wall!" Gaze beamed.
"... An astounding amount of twenty five bits," Case continued, ignoring her. "which is, as I've said, quite astounding, provided you didn't take it from some unsuspecting pony's pocket. Hm, a lock of hair—"
"Which might've come from the perpetrator!" she interjected. The stallion huffed.
"First of all, this is my hair! Second, the perpetrator is tied up, so we don't need his hair! Seriously!" He turned back to the items. "Now let's just—please tell me that's not another cat."
"Isn't it cuuuuute?" she chimed, picking up the cat, and putting it on her back. The feline immediately took the chance, and curled up on her back. The stallion facehooved.
"Gaze, that is the fifth cat you've picked up this week."
"But I find them such good homes!" she protested. The stallion begrudgingly nodded.
"Fine, I admit you take good care of them. That doesn't make it any less ridiculous. You just pick them up from whereever you find them."
"Excuse me, " began Donut Joe, starting to piece things together, "but are you members of the Royal Guard?"
Case pawed at the ground, embarassed.
"Well, funny story there, you know..."
Before he could explain himself, a loud bang signified the door nearly blown off it's hinges, followed by two overly excited unicorns rolling in, then taking on an offensive position, ready to fight whatever awaited them. Naturally, they've got everyone's attention, including the now melancholic minotaur.
"All right, stop right there criminal scum, you have no chance to survive take your time!" yelled one of them. The other smacked him across the head, then turned to the confused crowd apologetically.
"Please excuse my partner, he doesn't speak Equestrian well. We're from the Royal Guard. What is the situation?" he asked, noticing the already tied-up perpetrator. Donut Joe swiftly stepped before them.
"Guards! Thank Celestia! This madminotaur attacked my store, and tried to make me give up baking!"
"He did what now?" the second guard asked with half-raised eyebrows. Then he shook his head. "Actually, that is irrelevant now. What is important is the exact way in which the assailant has been subdued."
He sighed when the only reaction he got was a blank expression.
"Who captured the minotaur?" he clarified. Joe lightened up, turning to point at the duo handling the situation, only to find out that they were already gone. He furrowed his brow.
"Where are they?"
____________________________________________________________________
Quick Response sat at her desk, trying to mind her own business, when her boss poked out his head from his office, calling out to her.
"Quick, please tell Simple Case and Night Gazer to report to my office, immediately."
"Tell them to report immediately to your office, or immediately tell them to report to your office, chief?" she asked emotionlessly. The chief was used to her attitude, so he didn't even blink before giving an answer.
"Both."
A good ten minutes passed, but finally, both of them were sitting in front of his imposing desk. The desk was imposing because the pony sitting behind it, namely, the Chief of Canterlot Police. He was giving the two what they came to call 'the look'.
"Can you two explain to me what exactly happened yesterday at Donut Joe's shop?"
Gaze started nodding furiously.
"Certainly, chief! I ordered a 'Casapanooza Special', and Case had a 'Boring Surprise Slice', but we got too engorged into discussing bat pony history, so I started telling him ancient bat pony lore, then a minotaur came in and we whooped his butt!"
The chief rubbed his nose.
"Yes, that is more or less what we got yesterday in testimonies. My question is: why did you leave so abruptly?"
Case cleared his throat.
"Well, chief we were still on holiday, so we figured we'd go bowling in the evening, and the guys arriving on the scene seemed more than capable handling everything, so..."
The chief's eyes went from one of htem to the other.
"You are idiots." he concluded. "Nevertheless, good job on handling a deranged minotaur. The only thing we could get out of him, however, was his employer's name. He claims he was just doing what he was paid for, and has no idea what purpose it would serve. I am going to tell you the name, because I want you to take the case. His employer is called Horny Bastard—"
"Oh, great." Case mumbled.
"—because he is a half-minotaur," the chief continued, ignoring him, "a bastard, who still got horns. Hence his name. I don't believe he is anything out of the ordinary, just a regular criminal, so I expect you to have no trouble with him."
"What ordinary criminal roughs up a confectionery?" Case mumbled again.
"I don't know, that's why I'm sending you to find out!" the chief retorted, surprising him. "Now, before you go, there is just one little thing..."
He looked at Gaze meaningfully.
"I had reports that somepony sipped out all the juice from the tomatoes kept in the fridge. All of them had bite marks on them, two small circles about the width of a pair of fangs. What do you have to say for yourself, Gazer?"
"Oh, so just because I'm a bat pony, it's already decided that I did it? Let's just continue, and say I bring darkness and pain because my people lead a night lifestyle! Let's assume I'm completely out of it because it is daytime!"
The chief got a little intimidated by Gaze's sudden outburst.
"Now hold on, I never said—"
"No, I've had it! All the ponies! They hurt me so! I shall leave!"
She burst out the room, followed by Case. When they got out the building, Case cast an aside glance at her.
"You raided the fridge again, didn't you?"
"I can't help it," Gaze replied, "they're just soo delicious!"
"If they are so delicious, why don't you eat them instead of... biting them, I guess?"
Gaze looked at him with a serious expression.
"Us bat ponies are allergic to tomato flesh."
Case rolled his eyes.
"Yes, and I'm queen of Manehattan."
Gaze pouted.
"It's true! Why won't you believe me?"
"Last week you successfully convinced a pegasus that earth ponies have a disease that if spreads to a pegasus makes them lose their wings!" Case pointed out. "The poor guy locked himself in his home, and fireponies had to get him out a day later!"
"Well he called me a batter! Should I just take ponies insulting me?"
"For Luna's sake, Gaze, he was a baseball player! A batter swings a bat to hit the ball! Hence the name!"
Gaze looked confused.
"How do you hit a ball with a bat? I mean, it flies away, doesn't it?"
"Wooden stick! I'm talking about the wooden stick!"
"Oh, that bat! Now I see! So, where are we going?"
Case pulled out a dossier from his uniform.
"I took the liberty and asked the archives guy to check if there was any other confectionery-related crime in the close past. It seems that there were a few attacks on various sweet shops, all carried out by minotaurs. I think they're connected."
The bat pony looked disheartened.
"Who would hate sweets so much? I've never met anypony so evil in my life, and I know as many as thirty-seven ponies!"
Case raised an eyebrow.
"Thirty-seven? That seems... few, to be honest."
"Bat ponies usually live mostly alone," she explained, "with very small communities on a mountaintop, composed of three to five families. There is one pony who actively keeps contact with the outside world, and the other mountaintop families."
"What about schooling?" Case asked, his curiousity piqued.
"A few mountaintops gather together everyday, and a teacher teaches young bat ponies the things they need to know. Afterwards, everypony just returns home, maybe play with the neighbouring kids. Shouldn't we be investigating?"
"Yes, yes of course. So, minotaurs. We should probably check the immigration office, to see if there are any records of this 'Horny Bastard.'"
Fortunately, the Equestrian Immigration Bureau wasn't far away from the police department, although to call it 'bureau' would be like calling a poodle a war dog. It actually was a glorified basement, which had an incredibly bored earth pony sitting inside, folding papers into swans, cranes, praying mantises and smaller pieces of paper. He looked up with an indifferent expression when he saw the two coppers enter.
"Greetings and welcome to the Immigration Bureau, Sir or Madam. We regret to inform you that no VISITOR'S RACE may inquire about our records kept inside. Thank you for your understanding, have a nice day, don't come back."
Case took out his badge from his pocket, and flashed it to the clerk. He took one glance at it, then returned to folding papers.
"We would like some information about a certain individual. He is a half-minotaur going by the name of—"
"Whoa, whoa, hold on, buddy." The clerk quickly raised his hoof, cutting him off unceremoniously. "I'm not required to keep track of half-minotaurs. After all, this is the 'Minotaur' ward, right?"
"It is?" Gaze asked innocently. "I only saw 'all kinds of races welcome in Equestria' printed on the informational pamphlet."
"Pamphlets?" Case asked with suspicion. The bat pony nodded vehemently.
"Yeah, when I came to Equestria I got a bunch of pamphlets, one of them was the Immigration Bureau's. Bit outdated, though. It had 'in honour of Clover the Clever turning 56' written on it."
"Look, pal," the clerk said with emphasis, "if you need something obscure, you need to have something nice and shiny brought with you, catch my drift?"
Gaze nodded with an understanding smile, then proceeded to pull out an eleven inch long jagged knife from seemingly thin air. She placed it on the desk before the paling earth pony.
"Here!" she pointed at it with a sense of proudness, "It's a traditional bat pony hunting knife!"
The stallion quickly ran into the basement, not waiting a moment more. Gaze took the knife back, and put it away.
"I think he really liked my knife!" she chirped.
"What exactly do you hunt with these?" Case asked with a worried tone.
"Tiger berries. It's a type of plant that grows on mountainsides, and attacks other plants for food. They're really delicious!"
"Look, if you don't want to tell me, just say so!"
"What? I'm not lying!" Gaze protested.
"Right."
The clerk came back with a rather large dossier.
"Here! This is the current residence of every half-minotaur in Equestria! Is there anything else?"
"No, thank you, this will be enough."
The duo walked out the basement, followed by the clerk's relieved sigh.
"What a nice, helpful stallion!" Gaze remarked.
______________________________________________________________________
A little while later, they were going through the papers in Case's house. The truth was actually a little more complicated than that: Case had this house allocated to him a few months earlier as a perk for working with the Canterlot Police Department; and three weeks ago, when Gaze transferred, she was assigned to the same house, to save costs, and have somepony local serve as her guide around the city. In truth, she had a great sense of direction, and after the first week, she was roaming the streets as if she was born here.
The documents were currently spread through the living room, along with unwashed uniforms and even a few dirty dishes (they both looked at housework as a thing that only happened with others). Suddenly, Case picked one up, and waved it triumphantly to Gaze.
"Here! See? It says 'half-minotaur, explicitly noticeable for horns, which most half-breeds don't possess.' It even has an adress!"
"Lemme see!" Gaze swiped the paper, then threw it over her shoulders. "Bah, how could we find something called 'Magdalena Road?'"
"By opening a map?" Case suggested. The bat pony shrugged.
"Yeah, sure, and on the map you have Equestria, containing the city of Canterlot, then what?"
"I meant a map of Canterlot."
Gaze was surprised.
"You mean, like a map that tells you which street is which instead of giving vague directions like 'turn right at the bison skeleton?'"
"Yes?"
"Huh." She paused, considering this briefly. "Why don't we have things like this back home?"
Case looked around the mess that was their home.
"Now I only need a pen and a paper to write this down... Umm... Where were they the last time?"
Gaze shrugged.
"Around the dried potted plants, I guess? I don't use them much."
"You could still help to find them, though."
They quickly rummaged through the room, finding nothing, until Case spotted something on one of the shelves. Unfortunately, it was under a rather large and inappropiately coloured Rubik's cube. Without thinking, he swiped it off, and thrusted it into Gaze's hooves.
"Here."
The bat pony stared at the cube like it was something that threatened with exploding. Meanwhile, Case has finished scribbling down the address, and tapped his chin, deep in thought.
"I think that's everything. Don't you agree?"
"I don't know, Case. I mean, I like you, but not like like you, it's just—"
The pegasus spun back, not believing his ears.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on! What are you babbling about?"
Gaze raised the cube.
"Well, you just proposed to me. I mean, this is a very nice... whatsis'naem, but I don't think—"
"Stop. Seriously. What are you babbling about?"
"Well, you just gave me something mysterious! When a stallion gives a mare something mystical, it's a sign that he wants marriage!"
Case rubbed his temples.
"You know, every day you say about twenty things about bat pony culture, out of which I can maybe believe two. That is not a mysterious item, it's a toy. A toy.." he emphasized. Gaze lit up.
"Oh! Small misunderstanding, then."
Case facehoofed.
"Let's just go, okay?"
____________________________________________________________________________
An hour later they were standing in front of an old warehouse in the outskirts of Old Canterlot. Snow was starting to slowly fall from the sky; making the bat pony more comfortable. She even playfully hunted a few snowflakes, just for fun. Her shenanigans did not went uncommented by her partner.
"I think you enjoy this just a liiittle too much. We're on a hot trail, after all."
Gaze stopped, then looked at the ground, confused.
"I meant we're close to the solution! Geez, this isn't some remote proverb, you know!"
"Well, how am I supposed to know non-bat pony sayings?" Gaze retorted. "We only emerged from our hiding since Princess Luna reappeared! Not much of a time to learn stuff, you know!"
"Okay, sorry. Can we discuss this after we've arrested the bad guys?"
Seeing his partner nod, he ran to charging distance, then nearly stormed the door when Gaze tried the handle. It was open. They burst through the doorway, into the warehouse.
"Canterlot Police! Nobody move!"
The inside of the warehouse was mostly empty, except for a very surprised half-minotaur, and a somewhat less surprised minotaur. He turned to his companion, pointing at him.
"You see?" he asked in an accusing voice. "Iron Will told you there would be trouble with your methods! If shady the way, later you will pay! For it!"
"I think you should stick to your carefully written catchphrases. You're not the improvisation type." The other one snorted. He was less imposing than a regular minotaur, but he had two pair of horns atop his head. His fur was also more brownish than bluish grey, as his conspirational partner. He eyed the two coppers.
"It is over! Well, Iron Will knows if he's beaten! He surrenders without regret!" He bent down on the ground, offering his hands to be cuffed.
"What exactly do you want from us?" the half-minotaur asked, ignoring Iron Will. Case smiled in a way that would have won him a trophy in a sliminess contest.
"It's simple. We connected all the different minotaur attacks in the past two months. It's really remarkable that you've managed to hire different dumb muscle for each and every operation, without attracting too much attention. Unfortunately for you, at each place, a 'certain mysterious figure' was seen, that the witness would 'most certainly recognise', under 'any darn circumstance'. Not to mention the specific choice in your targets. I mean, seriously, it wasn't such a big deal to figure out, not with all the racket about sending a message."
The half-minotaur waved dismissively.
"So you've figured out that we were attacking confectioneries and sweet shops to drive them out of business. Big deal."
"Actually, we've figured out nothing until you just told us."
The half-minotaur's face was distorted with rage.
"What?!"
"No, seriously. All we had was one minotaur who knew you by chance, and we came here to arrest you for hiring him to do that. Thanks for telling us, by the way. Why were you doing it, anyway?"
Iron Will raised his head.
"Iron Will came to this person with a great conundrum! He wanted ponies to take heed, not to stuff themselves pudgy during Hearth's warming! So Horny suggested we intimidate them! You won't get fat, if there's no cake to make you!"
Case was disappointed.
"That's it? Seriously? It's the year 1003, and you still couldn't have done it with a simple nationwide poster-campaign?"
"Huh. Iron Will never considered that."
Case facehoofed, but felt a tugging on his shoulder. Gaze was looking at him with a confused expression.
"What's 'Heart Swarming?' A day when you remember a great bug war, or something?"
"No, no, 'Hearth's Warming'. You know, presents, festivities, filling meals, reasons to be jolly?"
"You do weird things down here in Equestria. Hearth's Warming..."
The half minotaur roared, drawing their attention.
"Have you forgotten that we're in the middle of you breaking in? That's why I hate ponies so much! That's why I won't stop! I'll continue extorting money from those stupid shopowners, then—"
THUD!
The half-minotaur fell like a sack of potatoes when Iron Will smacked him on the back of his head.
"Iron Will is really sorry?" he offered.
_______________________________________________________________________
A few days later, the duo was standing in the court of Canterlot Palace. Celestia herself has invited the two ponies, but they couldn't figure out why. As they stood before their benevolent ruler, a very bored Discord floated around in the air all around the throne room. The princess stood up, and smiled at the two cops.
"My loyal subjects, and faithful peacekeepers! I have been informed that you have recently uncovered a criminal extorting money from shops all around Equestria. I am most delighted to see such hard-working ponies uphold the law and justice that..."
Gaze had a hard time keeping a straight face during the alicorn's speech, because Discord kept making faces behind her, imitating her speech, and gesturing like a madman. Worst of all, the princess didn't seem to notice it.
"...And so, Chief Concern, head of the Police Department in Canterlot came to ask me this as a gesture to all police officers out there, and I'm more than happy to present you with these medals. It might not seem much of an occassion to some, but not only stopping the end of the world is estimable for praise. Everyday heroes are heroes, too."
The princess levitated the medallions to the ponies' necks. Gaze checked herself out with glee. It's inscription said 'For a dutiful mind, 2076 R.D.R.'. She glanced at her partner's medal, then shouted out loud in surprise.
"Hey, yours says 'For a dutiful mind, 1003 A.L.! The date is wrong!"
Celestia smiled.
"No, my little pony. While your medal has the old calendar's date format, the Regnum Duae Reginae, his is simply different, Anno Luminis. I do know about my ponies' customs, you know."
The bat pony bowed.
"Thank you for your gift, Princess of the Sun. I will treasure this as a... treasure. I bid thee fare well, and you as well, mighty Hamaz'Lerak."
"Uh, likewise." Case mumbled. They both bowed again, and left the throne room in a bit of a hurry. Celestia managed to catch their last whispered words.
"What's 'Hamaz'Lerak'?"
"It means 'he who wears pants backwards'."
Celestia chuckled.
"It seems you are quite well known within some cultures."
Discord shrugged.
"Well, a draconequus has to try. That reminds me, have I ever told you about the time I made a pegasus and a bat fall in love?"
THE END
