Xenophilia: Canterlot Blues

by SpinelStride

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Rarity, Prince Blueblood, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2750

Prince Blueblood gets a massage and a message.

Prince Blueblood is a useless noble. He's always been a useless noble. The Blank Plague made him, briefly, a useful noble. He needs someone to talk to about that, but who's got enough rank for him? How about the one-time Viceroy of Canterlot? And will it do any good? He is Blueblood, after all.

Published 2013-10-31 04:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-31 04:00:04 UTC

Chapter the Only: Heir Despair

“Lërö?” Lotus called, looking up from the sign-in desk. “Dïd yöu nötice thë schëdüle?”

“No, why?” Ponyville’s sole human resident responded. “Am I double-booked again?”

“Nöööö… Sömepöny bööked thë entïre spa för thë next höur, büt thë önly servïce rëquestëd ïs ä mässäge. Älöe müst häve täken thïs öne.” Then she drew in a breath with a sharp whistle. “Yës, shë dïd. Änd shë lëft ä nöte. It säys ‘I wäs wëak.’ Änd thën… thät’s möre thän wë’re mäking thë rëst öf thë wëëk!”

“You know my feelings on letting rich ponies drive up my prices,” Lero began, but Lotus shook her head.

“Thë mässäge ïs nörmäl price, Lërö. Thïs ïs… thïs ïs rëntïng öut the ëntïre rest öf thë spä whïle yöu wörk. ÄLÖE!”

The pink-coated blue-maned pony stuck her head in the door. “Lötüs! Ären’t yöu rëady yët?”

“Rëady för whät? Whö bööked thë spä?”

“Didn’t I tëll yöu?”

“Nö!”

“Oh! Düe Rëspëct, fröm Cäntërlöt. Hë äsked höw müch tö rënt thë spä. I mäde a jöke wïth ä rïdïcülöus prïce, änd hë säid ‘döne.’ Whät wäs I süppösed tö dö?”

Lotus took one last look at the schedule. And at the large number at the end of the current line. “Mäke lünch rësërvätïons. Häve fün, Lërö!”

And the pink-and-blue and blue-and-pink ponies trotted off to lunch.

***

The door to the spa wasn’t locked, so it wasn’t at all unusual for ponies to walk right in without knocking. The Ponyville Day Spa was a place of business, after all.

That said, it wasn’t particularly normal for two ponies to walk in side-by-side with trumpets in their mouths, step to the sides while a red carpet rolled down in between them, followed by a third pony walking in to declare in a voice that rattled the building’s windows, “Presenting! His Highness Prince Blueblood!” Let alone the long series of other titles that were quite meaningless to Lero’s ears. And then in came the gleaming white pony thus named.

Lero blinked. “... Due Respect?”

Prince Blueblood chuckled indulgently. “Yes, that is an interesting point of etiquette, isn’t it? You did have the advantage of me in rank for a time there, but at the moment I believe it would suffice simply to kneel and… eh?”

The herald whispered into Blueblood’s ear. Said ear twitched, and then Blueblood tossed his head, resettling his mane into a perfect wave down his neck. “Ah. The majordomo, is he? How apropos. He neglected to mention on whose behalf he was making the appointment? That does explain the lack of a proper reception.” He sniffed. “Aside from that pink pony. Well. I shall forgive him the lapse. Noblesse oblige, after all.”

One of the trumpeters muttered, not particularly quietly, “If Due ever told anyone who he was booking, he’d never get an appointment.”

Blueblood made no sign of hearing the other pony, but gestured with a hoof. “Out with you now. I’ll expect you outside in an hour.”

The other three ponies wasted no time in vacating the spa, leaving one bemused masseuse and one spotless white unicorn to themselves.

Rarity will stab me with every needle she owns if she ever hears about this, Lero thought. And gestured to the table. “Would you like to get started, Prince Blueblood?” He wasn’t entirely sure exactly what the right form of address would be, but he guessed if Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were happy just being called ‘Princess’ then it couldn’t be too wrong.

Blueblood regarded the massage table dubiously, then made a distinct shrug of his shoulders and stepped forward. With an air of generosity, he drolled out, “Please, Viceroy Michaelides, as long as we’ve a degree of privacy, do call me ‘Blueblood.’ Your precise rank is rather hard to quantify, but you are the only stallion to ever rule Canterlot, and the only being of any sort to rule both the Day Court and the Night Court, however temporarily. If anypony can lay claim to using the familiar form, I dare say it would be you.” He settled himself gingerly down atop the smooth stone surface. “In fact, that is precisely why I’ve come to this…” He gestured around with a hoof. “... Charmingly rustic retreat you favor.”

Lero held back a sigh. This was going to be a long session. “Ponyville’s much more than a retreat. This is my home, with my family.” He set his hands on Blueblood’s back. The stallion was surprisingly tense, for all his languid appearance.

“Oh?” Blueblood seemed about to say more, but then with a visible effort quieted himself and said instead, “I suppose I don’t meet many ponies who like the rural life, living in Canterlot.”

Lero started working along Blueblood’s spine. Almost everywhere his fingers touched, there were tight clusters of muscle. “Living outside the city has its charms.”

“And of course Auntie Celestia would prefer to keep the Elements of Harmony together. There’s hardly a place for an apple farmer and an animal trainer in Canterlot, hah.” Blueblood let out a groan as Lero’s fingers dug in. “I say, you are good at that. I do hope you’ll keep up with this hobby after your Duchess inherits.”

“It’s not a hobby,” Lero patiently informed him. “No, I don’t have to work, but I prefer to make my own contribution, do some good around town, and keep myself useful.”

Blueblood was quiet for a moment, then slowly nodded his head. “I chose very well, didn’t I? I didn’t come here simply for a massage, you realize. Don’t stop, you are every bit as good as your reputation, but I…” He faltered, then pressed on. “I need someone to talk to who can understand, Lero. There are more things we share than a common pony might know.”

“Oh?” Lero asked neutrally. Rarity would lock him in a closet with a raging Opalescence for a week if he agreed outright. She wouldn’t even have to hear him say it. She’d borrow a touch of Pinkie Sense just long enough to know.

“Oh, indeed.” Blueblood again started to say one thing, then stopped. He sighed. “Suddenly facing the prospect of power you never expected, ending up in a place you never dreamed you’d be… you do know what I mean, yes? The plague?”

“I was too busy taking care of Princess Celestia and Cadence to spend much time thinking about the power, honestly,” Lero said. He kept working down Blueblood’s back.

“No, no, for me. You do realize just what peril Equestria was in, don’t you? Had Auntie Luna fallen ill at the same time, leaving both Princesses incapacitated, under the Unification Compact, the Commander of the Pegasi, the Chancellor of the Earth Ponies, and the Prince of the Unicorns would resume ruling Equestria. Which is to say, I was one infected pony making an inopportune visit to the Night Court away from being Prince Regent… and had it been worse than that, Royal Prince. Along with Captain Spitfire and that doddering old fool in Parliament.” Blueblood groaned again, then continued.

“Now do you see? The plague was the first time in my life I had something important to do, not just someone important to be. And if I had to do more than put on a show of confidence, I would have ruined it all. Oh! Right there, right there! Keep that up and I’m going to start looking for a county to give you!”

Lero smiled at that. And kept working at the tense spot he’d found. Canterlot ponies, he’d found, had a tendency to be more extravagant in their promises than their intentions. “Princess Celestia said you were working on some self-improvement already, the first time we met,” he recalled.

“Oh. After the Gala. Well, yes. Finding out that one has personally repelled one of Auntie Luna’s personal saviors, one of the mares who might potentially one day be one’s own greatest asset, is cause for a certain degree of reflection. That was a wake-up call. I even went so far as to compose a Friendship Report, like those ones Auntie gave me to read from your Duchess. I remember it still.”

Blueblood closed his eyes and recited.

Dear Auntie Celestia,

Today I learned that no matter how sublimely marvelous a pony might be, the ponies around them may have some importance as well. It’s very useful to be open and friendly with new ponies, so one can learn whether they’re anypony worth knowing, rather than simply dismissing them and assuming the ones with taste will remain dutifully at one’s side. No matter how many status-hungry mares might waste one’s time, there’s always the chance that one of them might have a uniquely vital role in the defense of Equestria.

Your humble nephew,
Prince Blueblood.

Lero wasn’t sure whether to roll his eyes, facepalm, laugh, or go hit his head against the wall. Fortunately, Blueblood was still talking.

“Auntie Celestia told me she was quite proud of me, and one never does grow too old to bask in Auntie’s regard. She said she’d never had a friendship lesson quite like that one. I could get you a copy if you like. It’s done well by me. But… in any case. The plague. I realized just how woefully unprepared I am to lead Equestria, if I was called upon. I’ve begun sitting in on Auntie’s Day Court, and I used to loathe the tedium of that when I was a colt. But now that I’ve realized that one day it might be me sitting in the Solar Throne, it just seems so very different.”

“Responsibility strikes when you least expect it,” Lero said, and moved to Blueblood’s shoulders. Every pony was different; some liked to come in pairs and all but ignore him while they chatted with each other, some liked to talk with him, and some liked to talk to him. Blueblood was absolutely one of the latter types. All he had to do was provide a prompt every now and then to prove he was still there.

“It’s more than the responsibility,” Blueblood said. “It’s the prospect of having a destiny to do something, not just be something. All my life, it was enough to be me, the dashing, wonderful Prince Blueblood. And then I had something to do, something that called for Prince Blueblood to do more than just dominate Canterlot’s social circles. And then it wasn’t enough to just be, to be there in case of a wildly unlikely catastrophe. I started looking at all the little ponies, and I realized just how different they are.”

“Oh?” asked Lero again. ‘Little ponies’ sounded very different coming out of Blueblood’s mouth. From Celestia, it was maternal, friendly. From Blueblood, it was dismissive. But the big white stallion was being so earnest, Lero couldn’t think of a way to say anything about it.

“Oh, yes. Their marks are what they do. Mine is what I am. A guide, a symbol to show the way for the rest of Equestria, doomed to shine and stand alone, fixed in place for others to navigate by. Except that once. That one time when I could lead. And now my destiny is not enough. I’ve worked so hard to be ready, to make myself even more wonderful than I already was, and yet I feel so unfulfilled. You’ve had a taste of the same thing, and you’ve no mark at all to guide you. What can I possibly do?”

Lero kept working. Primped and pampered or not, there was no question that Prince Blueblood had a lot of musculature to massage. He couldn’t give the answers that came immediately to mind, but there were other options. “I’d say a good place to start is paying attention to other ponies. Not just the ones who’re useful to you, either. Look for something important about everyone.”

“Important about everypony?” Blueblood repeated blankly. “What could be important about random ponies wandering around Canterlot?”

“You’ll never know until you get to know them,” Lero replied. “But you might be surprised. Sometimes a pony’s got something to learn you wouldn’t guess by seeing them. Take Cheerilee. She’s got three daisies for a cutie mark. What does that mean her talent is?”

Blueblood turned his head to look at Lero. “Growing flowers, I assume.”

Lero shook his head. “Teaching foals. Bringing out innate potential into the sun. Her mark’s a metaphor, not a literal representation. Think of yours that way. What else could it mean?”

Blueblood settled his head back down and thought. Lero was kind of impressed. From the stories about him in Canterlot, and from Rarity’s descriptions of him, not getting a shallow instant dismissive answer was unusual.

“A different meaning to my compass rose? What else could it mean?”

"Well, Daring Do has a mark with some similar themes, but hers means adventure.”

Blueblood scoffed. He was very good at scoffing. “A fictional character.”

Lero shrugged. “It’s still the general idea. Searching, guiding, leading, themes like those. Things that involve growth and discovery.”

Blueblood rolled that around quietly while Lero worked on his flank. Finally, Blueblood said, “What do I have to discover? I can’t go off on expeditions outside Equestria. I am the heir to Princess Platinum’s line, and that does have its duties, even if the primary duty is to look out the window and see that the sun rose.”

“How about discovering what a leader does need to know? You’re looking for that now because you haven’t found it. You could write it down, give future generations your wisdom.” Rarity would probably just stomp on him a few times for suggesting Blueblood had wisdom to share. That’d be survivable. “Back where I’m from, there was a book called ‘The Prince’ by a man named Machiavelli. It was full of advice on how to be an effective ruler. He wasn’t a very nice man, though, and his advice was very, very cynical. Maybe you could do something more positive for Equestria.”

Blueblood mulled that while Lero switched to the other flank. “I do have one Friendship Report to start from. Auntie might like to contribute as well. It might be something. Or perhaps I might find more purpose while trying. I knew I made the right choice. Well, then. Let me offer you a chance to add your own insight, Viceroy. What lesson ought I start with?”

“Everyone is the most important person in their own life,” Lero said. “Even if they’re not important in your life, treat them like they are.”

Blueblood frowned. He opened his mouth, frowned more, then closed it. Finally he said, “I’ll work on that.” He stood up and stretched, and let out a groan of contentment. “You have a brand of magic unique in all Equestria, Viceroy. I have not felt this relaxed and yet energized in years. If ever that dark day should come when I do become Royal Prince, rest assured my court will call upon you.”

“I’m always happy to help,” Lero said.

Blueblood strolled toward the door and flicked it open with a pulse from his horn and stepped out… bumping into a pony hoping to find an available walk-in spot at the spa. Their matching white coats gleamed as they collided.

Rarity stared into Blueblood’s face.

Blueblood started to recoil and snap - but stopped himself and forced out, “I beg your pardon, Lady Rarity. And I do apologize for your distress during our ill-fated encounter at the Grand Galloping Gala.” Then he walked off, his entourage rushing to surround him.

Rarity stared at him as he departed.

Lero ducked his head as he came out through the spa’s door and put a hand on Rarity’s back. “Work in progress, Rarity. But everyone has to start somewhere.”

Author's Note

Thanks as always to The Quiet Man, letting me keep wandering about in the Xenophilia: Further Tales setting, and to AnonAuthor for creating the original Xenophilia for the base setting for XFT!

This was a random idea I had, following up on how Prince Blueblood would develop as time went on. He's probably always going to be a self-centered prat, but a lot of that ego is tied into the 'Prince' part - and so I think he'd have a surprisingly strong sense of duty, under the right circumstances. The hard part is getting him to think about it in the first place.