Coast to Coast

Chapters

Population Manipulation
Aliens, really!?
Open call Updated 11/02/2013
Population Manipulation: Callers Updated:10/31/2013
Aliens, really!?: Callers Updated:10/31/2013

Population Manipulation

'Tonight’s guest, Dr. Census, has preformed many population studies and is author of the book “Princess: Population Control”. He is here to talk about the idea of population manipulation and what that means to the people of Equestria. Thank you for joining us Dr. Census.'

'Glad to be here Mr. Populi.'

'I hear your book is still banned from most of the libraries. Must of struck a nerve with that one.'

'Yes. Unfortunately most ponies considered my work disrespectful to Princess Celestia. It is a shame that more ponies would rather be kind than know the truth.'

'Well there are plenty of truth seekers out there. You said you were writing a new book called “Population Manipulation”. What does that mean?'

'Well to put it simply I believe my studies have shown that outside forces are altering the gene pool. Restructuring it for an unknown purpose.'

'You used the term outside forces. Are we talking aliens or Illuminati or...'

'No, I believe that the outside forces are much closer than that. Princess Celestia has not only the ability to drive such a change in the population but she also possesses the means to do it. She also has the most to gain by doing it. Think of the power you would gain if you controlled the outcome of every pony born.'

'Slaves born in to slavery is what you are saying.'

'Yes, but with out ever realizing that they are slaves to begin with. A whole population of ponies with nothing else on their mind but to serve.'

'These are quite the claims.'

'They are, however I have proof to back up these claims. Let's take a look at the first example I have for you tonight.

Recently, Mr. and Mrs. Cake produced offspring. One being a Pegasus the other being a unicorn. This couple stuck out to me for one reason. Neither of the parents share any of the traits of their offspring.

I spoke with Mr. Cake about this and he was able to find examples in his linage that he presumed solved the mystery of why the offspring possessed qualities that the parents did not. However, Mr. Cake presumed incorrectly.

Recessive genes do not display themselves in such profound manors. If the offspring's eyes were slightly slanted or if their mussels were slightly enlarged, I could believe that. In order to produce characteristics such as these one or more of the parents have to poses them as well.'

'Now it seems like infidelity is a far more likely cause than saying that Princess Celestia is manipulating the population.'

'That was my first assumption too. However genetic testing done upon birth proved that the offspring were the legitimate offspring of both Mr. and Mrs. Cake.'

'Then how do you explain for the differences?'

'During my conversation with the Cakes, they mentioned that several months prior to birth Princess Celestia came to visit them at Sugar Cube Corner. They had mentioned that the Princess said that she had a meeting with the Mayor and had to conclude the party early. Yet when every pony else had left she returned to the shop. They say they don't recall her leaving after that.'

'So you are saying that Princess Celestia changed the babies?'

'Not in the sense you might be thinking. In all my studies I have never found a spell that would allow one pony to change the type of another pony. But that does not mean that she can't alter them before they are born.

All ponies start out as a blank slate. Ponies that do not gain attributes during gestation are commonly known as Earth Ponies. For a pony to gain attributes they must be supplied with first hand dominate genes for one or both parents. With the right spell these genes could be altered to produce any type of pony. If she is capable of that, who knows what other genetic codes she is able to alter.'

'Is there a way to determine who was born with alterations and who isn't?'

'I believe so and the answer is clones.'

'Clones?'

'Yes. I believe that ponies who are born naturally are unique. Ponies who are altered are generic. If the spell used is like most spells then there is only a certain amount of leeway to allow for small variations. I believe that Princess Celestia has been altering ponies for a long enough time that the combinations have begun to repeat themselves.

Look at this picture that was taken backstage at the local Ponyville talent competition.

The two clusters of ponies there are identical. They are even organized in the same pattern. This means that not only do they look alike but they also have similar thought patterns.'

'This picture is really profound! This appears to be conclusive evidence of what you are talking about.

Looks like we have a caller on the line. Go ahead Anonymous from Ponyville.'

'Your idea is absolutely absurd! If there was a clone of me walking around I would know about it! I think others would know about it too! Your idea is insulting and disrespectful to Princess Celestia!'

'Always nice to meet a fan.

To answer your question; the altered ponies may be conditioned by the same spell that augments them. With the right kind of conditioning it may be possible to have that altered ponies either disregard the fact that there are clones of them or ignore the clones all together.

As for the non-altered ponies it could be a matter of complacency. Princess Celestia had been doing this for an unknown number of years. Tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of years. It would be like looking at an apple; every pony could tell you that apples are red, it is common knowledge, but no pony questions why its red. It is just accepted that is the way things are.'

'Thank you Dr. Census. That is a compelling argument for what you are saying. If you wouldn't mind sticking through the break to answer more phone calls as they come in.'

'I would be happy to.'

'Dr. Census; his book “Princess: Population Control” is available by mail order from the Black Library for six bits.

We would like to thank our sponsor, Potent Potables, for their contributions. Creator of the Potent Potable Punch, Potent Potables are the preferred drink for parties and social gatherings. And remember, if it isn't Potent Potables then it's just weak sauce.'

Aliens, really!?

'Ever since the invasion of the changelings on Canterlot a lot of rumors have been circulating about the existence of extra terrestrials. One such believer of visitors from outer space is with us tonight. Nova Trek has joined me in the studio tonight to spread some light on the whole subject of aliens. His first book called “Aliens, really!?” is set to be released with in the next month and I found that to be a good title for tonight's discussion. Nova, thank you for being with us tonight.'

'Thank you for having me Vox.'

'So you say that you have some proof that we have been visited by aliens in the past and that they continue to visit us today.'

'The evidence I have for you here implicates far more than that. I have reason to believe that what I show you tonight will shake the whole foundation of what we believe is reality.'

'Sounds exciting. Where do you even start with something like that?”

'Well let's start at the beginning with the most obvious example of alien tampering. Door knobs. How did rounded door knobs come about. They are awkward and hard for us non-magical ponies to use yet every door has them.'

'You are saying that door knobs are proof that aliens have been here.'

'Well not on their own. What they represent is though. There are countless examples from scissors to chairs to even your coffee mug. All of these devices are not intended for use by ponies.

Let's look back at the door knob again. Their round smooth surfaces are nearly impossible to manipulate between two hooves. They way they twist is counter intuitive to the way pony legs move. The fact that door knobs are placed in the middle of the door instead of closer to the ground also lends prudence to alien design.'

'Are you sure this is proof of aliens and not just poor planing on the designers part.'

'I would think that if there weren't so many other examples of alien influenced technology. Look at the handle of your coffee mug. What would happen if you tried to pick it up by the handle?'

'I would pour coffee all over myself.'

'Exactly! Why would the ponies who made these cup not realize that too? There seems to be no valid reason why the coffee cup had developed this way. For that matter scissors, doorknobs, and chairs too. Not unless there was already a previously constructed model or plans that would show them how to build these things.'

'So why is it do you suppose that things have remained this way?'

'Because we are not native to this planet.'

'So you are saying that we are the aliens.'

'That is what I am saying. Though I believe that we are the first of many. Sort of like terraformers for the next alien group to arrive.'

'I find that hard to believe.'

'Well let's look at it. We build houses that are cumbersome for us to live in. We develop and use products that are ill-fit for us to use. We control the weather when possible. And we tend the ground during the growing season. Even the great Princess Celestia controls the rise and fall of the sun, but that is just a cover up.'

'A cover up you say?'

'Yeah. She is the princess of the ponies here, however she is an alien. In order to explain this we need to look at some history.

Heartswarming Eve is by far the oldest holiday celebrated by ponies. Prior to that the ponies were divided into three factions. No where before the great journey were either Princess Celestia or Princess Luna ever mentioned. Yet the standard on the flag that they used to represent the harmony between the factions and to claim the land of Equestira shows both the sisters on the flag.

Stories tell of a winter demon or spirit that harassed the ponies, made the land infertile, and drowned the land in a lasting cold winter. I doubt that there were actually demons or spirits. These were probably used as metaphors to explain what was going wrong with the terraforming. Either way, neither Princess Celestia or Princess Luna were there to help the ponies overcome their differences or solve the problems they had.

We are all taught that the magic of friendship is what eventually won over the winter spirits. That is a false statement. What had really happened was that the aliens responsible for maintaining the progress of the terraforming came to the planet to correct the issue.

To keep from having this kind of problem again the overseers left two managers; two princesses. They are imbued with unfathomable power to make sure that the project stays on schedule.'

'Incredible. What does this mean for us ponies?'

'Well I can only presume that whoever owns this planet will come to claim it once out job is complete. We will either be cast aside like unwanted tools, re-purposed to work a new task, or reassigned to a different area to begin the task again. Anyway you slice it, everything will change.'

'Absolutely fascinating. We are going to take a quick break. After the break we will go to the phone lines so you can ask Nova some questions.'

Open call Updated 11/02/2013

'Have something you would like to talk about? Have you ever been abducted by aliens? Have you ever seen a ghost? Give us a call and we will talk about it.

Anonymous, you say that you have second hand information on some mysterious bodies? '

'Hi there, Vox. I would rather not give my name but I am a Royal guard. I like to listen your show form time to time when i'm alone to help pass my shifts at night. I cant rightly recall being abducted or anything but my father was a guard like me once and he did have a story to tell once. It was just after a hurricane down by fillydelphia and he was sent with his platoon for emergency relief and to find survivors. He would never tell me the whole story but that he saw a squad of batponies, like Luna's personal guard, covered in injuries and another squad of batponies putting tarps over some bodies. He always said 'I don't know what they were but they weren't ponies and unless a skinny and baby version of a minotaur can kick the flank of a squad of batponies, then it wasn't a species Ive ever seen before'

*beep*, I gotta go Vox my shift is up, I hope I can call you back later cause I have another story but I cant share it right now.

'What I wouldn't give for a picture of that. I wouldn't be surprised if it is a cover up. After all the pegasus do control the weather; and even though it was written off as a "mistake", a "mistake" of that magnitude could not easily happen.

We hope you will call back and share the rest of your stories with us. Please call back at any time.'

Population Manipulation: Callers Updated:10/31/2013

'Looks like we have a caller on the line. Welcome to Coast to Coast...

Mr. Tannis, you're on the air.'

'Hi there, Long time listener, first time caller.

I just wanted to chime in and say that I know exactly what he means by clones. I travel a bit and I am absolutely positive I have seen the same Earth pony in different cities. I even saw a pegasus version of her during a water collecting project for cloudsdale. She had cotton candy hair in three colors and a cutie mark of three wrapped candies. What is interesting is each one I've seen had a different voice.

I posit a less nefarious explanation for this cloning than breeding for servitude. It's possible that Celestia (who has been around for who knows how long exactly) has seen a problem with reproductive rates in ponydom. If you just look at the ratio of colts to fillies you can see that things are hardly equal. It could be that this is an attempt to boost our population. What do you think?'

'Thank you for calling in Mr. Tannis.'

'There is a staggering difference in the numbers of colts to fillies. In previous studies I have conducted the ration was 20 to 1 in favor of the fillies. However, this is ratio would be beneficial to breeding. The normal gestation period for a filly is anywhere from 6 to 9 months and during that time the filly is incapable of reproducing. Colts on the other hand can fulfill their breeding duty every 15 minutes. If one colt inseminated twenty fillies then there would be a population explosion.'

'I think my wife would have a few words with me if I courted 19 other fillies.'

'Heh heh. Well those societal rituals of monogamy sure do keep the population down. The numbers don't lie though; our species, in it's current state, is arranged for an exponential increase in population.

I would venture to guess... And this is only a guess. In order to prove something like this a study of the entire population of Equestria over the course of several generations would need to be conducted. I would, however, venture to guess if Princess Celestia was manipulating the type as well as gender of ponies; then it would be safe to say that she intends for the population to increase dramatically over the next couple of generations.

'Hear that honey? The Princess wants us to have more than one wife.

Lets take another call here. Welcome to Coast to Coast...'

Aliens, really!?: Callers Updated:10/31/2013

'Looks like we have a caller on the line. Welcome to Coast to Coast...'