RoboRarity

by spigo

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6
Length: 1619

Twilight builds a robotic Rarity as a test subject, and invites her friends to help test it.

Twilight builds a robotic Rarity as a test subject, and invites her friends to help test it.

Written for One-Shotober.

Published 2013-10-31 23:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-31 23:00:02 UTC

It's Alive

There were few things Twilight found more satisfying than the smell of science, and it was that smell that filled the basement of the Books and Branches Library as she hunched over her creation, welder's mask protecting her as she attached a robotic leg to its pale steel body.

She finished the connection, leaned back and raised the mask. It was finished, and now all there was left to do was animate it and set up the testing environment. She smiled, and took a deep breath, coughing slightly on the acrid smell. She loved the smell of science, but sometimes the smell of science didn't love her, it seemed.

She stood up and tilted her horn, pushing a small packet of magical energy through the end of it and into the mechanical pony. She stepped back, and waited.

A moment later, it shuddered, and began to move.

Twilight threw back her head and cackled, as any proper mad scientist. It was always fulfilling, completing a project. Proper maniacal laughter had its own exhilaration to it, too, she supposed.

The basement door popped open, and Spike stuck his head through. "Twilight?"

She paused. "Yes, Spike?"

He sighed. "Can you keep it down down there? Some ponies are trying to sleep."

She smiled, and blushed. "Of course, Spike. Good night."

He grumbled some response, and the door shut. She resumed her maniacal laughter, although she made sure to limit the volume this time. It was more fun when it was louder, of course, but she could still enjoy it.

Applejack yawned, and eyed the tarp-covered something in the middle of the library. "So what'd you call us here for, Twi?"

She smiled, and stepped closer to the thing. She threw the tap off with a flourish, and pointed to the thing. "Girls, I'd like you to meet my test subject."

Rarity gasped. "Oh, it's simply gorgeous!"

Pinkie bounced around it. "That's neat-o!"

Fluttershy stared at the floor. "Umm... it looks nice."

Rainbow Dash squinted. "What the hay is that thing?"

Applejack yawned again. To her, it just looked like a metal version of Rarity. "An' what exactly's this thingamajig s'posed to do? 'Sit some kind of statue?"

Twilight blinked. "Well, no, actually. It's a robot."

Pinkie stared the thing in the eyes and gasped. "A robot? Like the nice kind of robot, or the stupid kind of robot, or the kind of robot that's going to try to eat all our faces off and then destroy the whole world in a ridiculously convoluted plot to get revenge for its creation?"

She gaped at Pinkie for a moment. "I, um.... well, it's interesting that you ask that. It's the kind of robot that, well... I made it to test my hypothesis about drama."

"Your hypothewhatnow?"

"It's actually quite interesting, you see, I was trying to test the effects of drama on perception and speech, and I found that I just can't isolate enough variables with ponies, so I made a robot. My hypothesis was that... ."

It was about that point that Applejack stopped listening. She hadn't the faintest idea what Twilight was saying, but it sounded like a whole lot of science hooey. Personally, she just wanted to know what the darn thing did.

It seemed the others were inclined to agree with her. Rainbow Dash flapped across the room and stared at its face for a moment, then began circling it. "So what's it do?"

Twilight paused. "Pardon?"

"I said, what's it do?"

"That's really not the point, the point is... ." She seemed to realize that nopony was listening, and groaned. "Okay, fine. It's a robot, and it talks, and it moves." She looked thoughtful for a moment, then added, "Oh, and there's a knob for drama on the back of the head."

Rainbow swooped back down and landed, scratching her chin as she examined its head. She found the knob, and grinned. "Oh, cool! Let's see how this baby works."

She turned it up to the maximum, and circled around to look it in the face. "Robot, you've got a speck of dirt on your face."

The robot wailed, and slammed a hoof against its face, making a small dent. It did its best to scrub the nonexistent dirt from its visage while dancing on its other three hooves. "Where? Where?! Evil thing, filthy thing! Get it off of me!"

Rainbow scratched her chin and squinted, then held up a hoof after several minutes of its flailing for it to stop. She screwed up her face in thought. "Robot, your hat's on crooked."

The mechanical pony began to hyperventilate, and glanced around the room. "Oh, sweet Celestia, no! Ponies will think I'm some sort of ruffian fool! I must hide myself and fix this! I must."

She scowled, and raised a hoof again. She scratched the back of her head, and glanced at Pinkie. "Pink, you got anything?"

Pinkie leapt over to the robot and stared at it for a few moments, working her jaw, then broke into a mad grin. "Oh, oh, I know! Somepony dropped a whole box of cupcakes on your favorite dress and they're really sorry but you're still mad anyway 'cause it was a really nice dress but now it's even nicer 'cause it has cupcakes all over it and I forgot what I was saying."

The robot quaked, its lip stuck out in a pout, and looked as if it might cry oil. After a moment it stood on its rear hooves, threw one hoof over its forehead and leaned back. "You ruffian! How could you?! It's ruined, sullied, destroyed! A once-elegant garment, now sullied by foulest pastries!" She huffed, turned from them and walked away a few steps. "I must mourn. Leave me."

Rainbow Dash gestured for it to stop again, and turned to Twilight. "Yeah, it's not nearly dramatic enough to be Rarity."

An angry howl rang out from the back of the library, and a moment later, the door slammed.

Rainbow rolled her eyes, and grinned. "See what I mean?"

Twilight bit her lip and trotted to the door. "Dash, I think you hurt her feelings. Somepony should talk to her."

Rainbow ambled over beside her to watch Rarity leave. "Yeah, somepony should totally do that." She glanced over her shoulder. "Fluttershy! Rarity's all upset, and we need somepony to fix it!"

Fluttershy flinched, and backed a step. "Um... me?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "I was thinking more along the lines of you apologizing to her."

Rainbow Dash took a step back. "What, me? What'd I do?! It was your stupid robot that got her all... Rarityish in the first place."

Twilight shook her head, scowling. "You're the one that insulted her."

"What'd I say?"

"'It's not nearly dramatic enough to be Rarity' ring any bells?"

Rainbow Dash stiffened, and grated her teeth. After a moment, she sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll go talk to her."

Applejack blinked and shook herself as Rainbow shot out the door. "Anypony wanna tell me what jus' happened?"

Rainbow approached the door of Carousel Boutique, and hesitated. This was gonna be awkward. Like, really awkward. Really super-awkward. She never knew how to do these apologies. Especially when she didn't really feel like she did anything. Although, after Twilight pointed it out, it seemed a lot meaner in hindsight.

She sighed, and was about to knock when she heard voices from inside and stopped.

"Oh, Opal, you will simply not believe what happened this morning!"

The cat meowed. The one-sided nature of the conversation didn't seem to bother Rarity much. She continued on for what felt like eleven minutes to explain, in as much drama as possible, the situation as she saw it. "And then," she said, "that vicious ruffian Rainbow Dash had the nerve to say that the robot wasn't dramatic enough to be me." She paused, as if waiting for a response. "I simply can't believe it. I know she can be brash, but the nerve of it... ."

Rarity sighed. "Such a needlessly rude remark, don't you think?"

Oh, come on. Did she really have to say it like that? It wasn't that bad. Well, it didn't seem that bad when she was saying it.

Rainbow Dash knocked, and a minute later, Rarity appeared at the door. When she saw her face, she scowled. "Oh, it's you."

She smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, it's me." She scuffed her hooves on the ground, and glanced around. "Look, it was... I feel bad about it now, okay?"

Her face stayed cold. "About what?"

"It was a really stupid thing to say, okay?" She sighed. "Are you really gonna make me say it?"

Rarity glared. "I should ask you to say more, but yes."

"All right, all right already." Rainbow Dash sighed. "I'm really sorry for saying the robot wasn't dramatic enough to be you. It was mean, and, uhh... needlessly rude, and, uh... look, I just really shouldn't have said it, and I'm sorry, Rarity. We cool?"

Rarity's face twitched, and she glanced over Rainbow Dash's shoulder. "I suppose so... wait." She blinked. "How long have you been standing outside my door?"

"About fifteen minutes."

She cringed. "And... you heard?"

Rainbow Dash grinned. "Every word."

Rarity smiled, and fidgeted. "Well, um, I suppose there's really no need for us to... repeat what we heard, right? I mean, it isn't as if I do... that sort of thing, all the time... ."

Her grin grew a little wider, and she glanced at Opal sitting on the kitchen counter over Rarity's shoulder. "Which? You mean calling me a ruffian, or talking to your cat?"

Rarity hesitated. Rainbow Dash laughed.