"Private Shining Armor? The Princess wants a word with you. She says it can't wait."
There must be some kind of law that says messengers have to be vague. Combined with the servant waking me up at six in the morning, just before the sunrise, it left me feeling just a little anxious.
My chair creaked under me; the size and the pink paint gave me the impression it was recently reassigned from a classroom, and more used to fillies than Royal Guards.
I fidgeted, and glanced around the waiting room. It wasn't exactly packed. A pair of older guards stood watch at the meeting room, and an elderly stallion wheezed from a more normal-sized chair in the corner. He could have been attached to the wall, for as well as he blended into the room.
I adjusted my armor, and tried to smile. I didn't have a lot of time to get it on right, and it was still sagging in some places. It wasn't helping that I hadn't gotten my mane or coat dyed yet, either.
A few minutes passed, maybe around five, then the door popped open.
The next second, a servant flew out of the meeting room, screaming. I almost fell out of my chair, and had to flail to stay upright. Neither guard even reacted. I guess when you've been guarding the Princess's meeting room day after day, you end up seeing a lot. One of them glanced over at me. "Private Shining Armor? You're next."
I swallowed, reapplied my smile, and shifted my armor one last time, then approached the meeting room. The two of them glanced at each other, then pushed the doors open.
I stepped inside, and they slammed the doors behind me. It was a little ominous. I looked around the room — or maybe I should say 'cavern' — for the Princess, but couldn't see her anywhere. It wasn't empty, though.
I searched my memory, but I couldn't remember the Guard covering sludge-ponies in basic training.
The thing blinked at me, and squinted. It took a step toward me. I gaped and stood there, and contemplated my options. I could try to fight it. Maybe I could call for help from the guards outside. I could run screaming like a little filly, but somehow, I thought that wasn't quite becoming of a guard.
Granted, it did sound pretty attractive at the moment.
Before I got a chance to respond, though, it spoke. "Oh. Oh, dear."
I blinked. "Princess Celestia?"
She sighed, and glanced at the brown sludge covering the meeting room table. "I suppose the chefs' new cake recipe didn't pan out as well as I'd hoped." She wiped the pastry viscera from her face, and walked over to the window, turning her back to me. "So you're Shining Armor? I've heard a lot about you."
I flapped my jaw for a moment. "Um, yeah, I mean… yes, I am. Ma'me. Princess. Your Highness."
She looked over her shoulder at me, a few pieces of chocolate cake still clinging to her face. It was a good thing I'd been trained to keep a straight face. "Do you know why I called you here?"
"Er…" I hesitated. "No? I mean… no, I don't, Your Highness."
"There is… ." She paused. "You're standing in the cake. And please, call me Celestia."
I saluted, accidentally slathering some of it in my mane. I winced. "Yes, Your Highn — uh, Celestia."
She cleared her throat. "There is a matter of great importance which I need taken care of. Captain Wedge is out on business, and I'm afraid it's something I'm unable to do myself. This task is vital to the crown. Can I trust you?"
I saluted a second time, accidentally stumbling back a few paces. Smooth, Shining. "Uh, yes. Yes, Your — Celestia."
She sighed, and waved for me to come closer. I stepped up to the table. She rubbed a few spots of chocolate off a map of Canterlot, and pointed out one area in particular. "Do you see this shop?"
"Hmm." I squinted. "Yeah, um, yes. That's Donut Joe's. I've heard about it from some of the other guards."
She nodded. "Good. It will make things much easier." She traced a snaking line across the map in golden magic. "There is an alley behind the shop. Few ponies visit there, naturally. I want you to go there, without being seen, and pick up a package. There will be a pony waiting for you. You will exchange codes with him, and he will give you the package. You will then return to me.
"Any questions?"
I blinked at the map, and tried to memorize the route. "Um… if I may ask, Princess Celestia, why did you pick me, of all ponies?"
She stared at him for a moment. "Your sister spoke very highly of you, but I've seen you before. You have certain qualities I value in my ponies. Honesty. Loyalty. You're a good pony, Shining Armor." She paused. "And, I know your family."
I opened and closed my mouth. "Um… you didn't choose me just because of my family, did you, Celestia? Not that I'm questioning your judgment, of course."
"No, but it was certainly a factor. Your parents always do like to share their family pictures with me." She grinned. "I must say, you make quite the adorable pumpkin."
It took a moment for that to sink in.
"Your sister speaks very highly of you, Shining Armor. I do hope you'll live up to it."
I hoped so, too, and not just for the sake of Equestria. I did still have a reputation to keep up.
The alleys were still dark, and so was most of Canterlot. The sun hadn't quite made it up yet, and I had a feeling there were more practical reasons behind that than Celestia forgetting about it. She'd given me the code, and I'd left my armor back at the barracks before leaving.
The problem with leaving my armor behind was that it left me creeping through frigid back-alleys buck naked. At least there weren't too many ponies out. The alleys were surprisingly well-kept, but I still had a feeling it wasn't the Canterlot elite that made a habit of visiting them.
I shivered, and turned a corner into the last alley. A sullen-looking mare sat in the corner, and a candle nub mounted on the wall kept the lighting moody. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't followed, but the alley was empty.
I crept over to her. She glanced up at me, and nodded to the briefcase at her side. "You here for the package?"
I nodded. "Um… 'the sun soars, triumphant.'"
She scowled. "Are you seriously going to make me go through all that?"
"Well, yeah. What if I was just some guy? This is a pretty important package, right?"
She rolled her eyes. "If you say so. 'The moon walks across the room.'"
"That's not right."
"Whatever. Do you want the package, or not?"
I glanced at it, and back to her. "How do I know you're giving me the right package if you don't give me the right code?"
"Fine. 'But the moon sulks in the shadows.' Happy?"
"'The river carp lurk in the depths, a cheesemaker approaching.'"
She gaped. "Seriously?"
"Yes."
"'Uh… the mayor organizes a party… ?' Look, I don't remember. Do you want it or not?"
I glanced over my shoulder again. Still nopony. I picked up the package, and set it at my side. "Actually, I think that's right. And remember, you don't know anything about this."
I picked up the package, turned and left the alley, the mare still glaring at me. That code wasn't that hard to remember.
I approached the meeting room again. "I'm, uh, here to see the Princess."
He glanced at my briefcase, then exchanged looks with his partner. They opened the doors for me again, I stepped inside, and they slammed them behind me. Again. It still felt a little ominous.
By now, Celestia had cleaned up most of the cake. I say most. A few beads of icing still coated the table. She stood at the other end of the room in front of the window, watching the sun rise. She turned around and smiled, pointing to one of the chairs.
I blinked, and eased into the purple beanbag chair nearest the door. She ambled over to the table, and sat two seats over from me. "I take it you succeeded, Shining Armor? No issues?"
I nodded, and slid the briefcase across the table. I hesitated. "No issues."
She stared at the briefcase for a long moment, her smile getting even larger. It was getting creepy. "You weren't seen?"
"Not by anyone." I winced. "Well, except the other guards."
She looked up at me, still smiling. "One last thing. What you see here does not leave this room. Understood?"
I glanced away for a minute. "Yes, Celestia."
"Good." She stared at me for a moment more. "In that case, I'm promoting you." She pushed a button on the suitcase, and it popped open. I couldn't see the contents from where I stood, but Celestia shivered as she looked at it. It left me wondering what exactly was in there.
A moment later, she leaned into the briefcase and began to rip away at the contents. The briefcase slid just slightly, and warm donut icing spattered on my face.
In between two donuts, Celestia somehow found the time to look up. "Excellent work, Corporal Shining Armor."