Punched

by The Lunar Samurai

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Slice of Life, Berry Punch, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1351

Berry Punch tries a new concoction for intoxication. Shenanigans ensue.

Berry Punch tries a new concoction for intoxication. Shenanigans ensue.
Yet another collaboration with Auramane

Published 2013-10-31 22:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-31 22:20:03 UTC

A magical drink

Berry Punch stumbled across the room, her body barely able to respond to her mind’s intoxicated signals. Surrounding her were the glass bottles that had formed her latest contraption. When Berry was not busying herself being hammered beyond belief, she was creating new ways to become hammered beyond belief. Her most recent concoction, the Gut Puncher, was just beginning its way through the network of tubes, cauldrons, and other assorted glass instruments. This drink, if it turned out correctly, would be one of her most powerful drink yet. Not only was it based off of the highest proof cider she could get her hooves on, but it also had a dash of unicorn magic from none other than Twilight Sparkle.

Harvesting that magic was no easy feat for Berry Punch. Her trickery had involved a simple levitation spell from twilight, a voodoo doll, a pint of spiked punch (for her own enjoyment of course), and a wiffle ball bat to the temple. No matter now, she had what she wanted and Twilight had a welt on the back of her head that would soon disappear. Berry watched with her blurred, distorted vision as the magic and liquid fused together in the bottle labeled ‘experimental’.

“Its… perfect,” she moaned as she stumbled to the bottle and took it in her hoof. Her intoxicated motor control caused her to spill a good portion of it before she could bring it to her mouth. The small amount of alcohol infused drink she managed to ingest was enough for her to enjoy its full effect. Nothing tasted, or felt, quite like this to Berry. Her mind was instantly stimulated from the drink. It meddled with her thoughts differently than the other drinks she had created, granted none of the other drinks she had created were ever made with the magic of a unicorn.

I her intoxicated state, Berry Punch could not have realized the other effects the drink was having on her body. Had she been sober, she would have felt herself growing lighter, as if all of those years of weight watchers had finally paid off in a split second. A few minutes went by, and she began to feel the effects even more. As she would stumble around the room, checking dials then forgetting their readouts all while drinking even more of her concoction, her falls grew lighter and her collisions less painful. This was typical of her intoxicated state, but the rest of her body began to feel… weightless.

“Maybe I drank too much,” she slurred as she sat herself down in one of the chairs and began to laugh. She grabbed another bottle and took a sip. Immediately she tried to clutch the chair as her body began to drift upwards. In her intoxicated state, however, she was unable to hold onto the chair and rose to the ceiling, hitting it with a soft thud. “I definitely drank too much.”

She rose to her hooves on the top of her ceiling and looked up… well down, to the network of apparatuses on the counter. She tried to jump back to the ground, but the mixture of antigravity and intoxication only made her stumble to the ceiling in a heap. She began to laugh, a deep hearty laugh, at the incredibleness of the situation. She was on the ceiling, the ceiling! Not even in her most intoxicated endeavours had she been able to conjure up such a fanciful tale as this. She tried to stand, but in her drunken, laugh filled stupor, the most she could do was spin herself in circles.

“Berry!” a voice shouted from the stairwell. “What are you doing on the ceiling?”

“What are you doing… on the floor?” Berry Punch asked, her words almost completely inaudible through the heavy slur of intoxication. She began to laugh again.

“This is no time for jokes!” the pony protested. “Twilight Sparkle is here and she seems extremely mad.”

“Show her in.” Punch said as she triumphantly pumped her hoof into the air.

“If you say so-”

An infuriated twilight dashed into the room, a white bandage around her head had a small blotch of red from her and Berry’s last meeting. “Why on earth would you knock me ou-” Twilight interrupted herself, her voice changing from flustered to perplexed. “Why are you on the ceiling.”

Berry looked at her bottle and then to Twilight. “I dunno,” she slurred with a carefree tone in her voice. “Why aren’t you?” She giggled, then hiccuped.

“This must be a bad time…” Twilight mumbled as she stared at the intoxicated mare on the ceiling. “Wait, that’s it!” Twilight firmly planted her hooves onto the ground and prepared a gravity spell for Berry. “This will bring you back to earth.” The red mare was briefly engulfed in a purple hue before toppling to the counter, smashing her complex brewing apparatus to pieces.

Berry punch moaned as she rolled off of the table and fell to the ground in a heap. “Why did you do that?” she asked as she struggled to her hooves. “It was getting nice up there.”

“Look, Berry, I don’t know what you did to me, but you obviously did something. Why did you knock me out?”

“Because your magic looked so… tasty,” she said as she stumbled into Twilight and placed her foreleg around her neck. Twilight pushed her off, only to send her, once again, into the glass contraption on the counter.

“What do you mean tasty?”

“Well,” slurred Berry as she looked mournfully at her smashed contraption, “I’ve never had a magic drink before, and your magic, it’s like, the same colour as me. Obviously it had to taste the best.”

“Berry…” groaned Twilight, “do you know how dangerous it is to ingest unicorn magic?”

“Ingest?” asked Berry punch with a confused look on her face

“Yes, it is extremely dangerous, if not only because of its high tox-”

“No, nononono,” giggled Berry. “I meant what does ingest mean?”

“Oh for Celestia’s sake,” grumbled Twilight. “Come on we need to get you to Nurse Redheart.”

“But I don’t wanna go. Hey, could you put me on the ceiling again? That was fun.”

“No Berry, I’m not putting you on the ceiling again.”

“Aww,” moaned Berry as she let her head hang. “Well fine, if you won’t put me up there, then I’m not moving.”

“Come on Berry, we really need to get you to the hospital.”

“Nope,” announced Berry with a drunken determination. “I’m staying here until you make me float again.”

“You need help. This is serious.”

“You need help,” Berry snickered.

“Alright, that’s it.” Twilight lifted Berry from the ground and walked out of the door, her face flustered with anger at the antics of the intoxicated mare.

“Yay! I’m floating again,” yelled Berry, clapping her hooves together in delight. “Weeeee!”

“Berry, be quiet, you’re going to wake everyone up,” hissed Twilight.

“Weeeeeee!” yelled Berry, taking no notice of an increasingly annoyed Twilight Sparkle.

Luckily for Twilight, Berry’s house was only a short distance from the hospital. Still, that didn’t stop Berry from waking up almost half the town with her drunken exclamations of yhou at her few moments of lfight. After spending the two minute journey in her company Twilight was ready to break something. Seeing the hospital she cantered to the door with Berry laughing behind her.

“Hello, how may I h-” the receptionist started as Twilight barged in.

“She drank a magically infused drink. She needs a stomach pump,” Twilight shouted, as if already running a code.”

“Okay, I’ll call the doctor right away. What is the patient’s name…” said the receptionist as she turned around just in time to see Twilight’s tail disappearing through the doorway.

“Oh yeah,” slurred Berry with a drunken grin on her face, her eyes wandering around the waiting room. “She told me to say that I’m your problem now. I wonder what she means by tha-” Her eyes widened as she saw a gift basket for the upcoming Ponyville raffle. “Hey, is that wine!?”