Orbital Accidents

by The Lunar Samurai

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Flash Sentry, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna
Length: 1079

Luna finds the remote to the Orbital Friendship Cannon

Luna finds the remote to the Orbital Friendship Cannon
Yet another collaboration with Auramane

Published 2013-11-01 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-01 00:20:02 UTC

Oopsie

“Alright, the cannon is now orbiting equestria high above the atmosphere,” the technician said as he gave the controller to Celestia. “This is the remote that controls the device. With the press of a button you can destroy nearly anything you wish.”

“And why was this built again?” Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow. “I do not remember ordering any space death lasers.”

“It was General Amadeus's idea.”

“And why did you approve it then?”

“You gave General Amadeus free reign over all military projects. he can approve anything without needing your consultation.”

“Why did I do that!?”

“Because you were bored with having to deal with all the nuances of the military when it never actually did anything.”

“Right…” Celestia said with a scowl on her face.

“Anyway, here is your remote. Wield it with great care. The Orbital Friendship Cannon is not a toy…”

“Oh cool! A toy!” Luna exclaimed as she passed by her sister’s throne room. “I didn’t know Celestia liked video games too!” Several hours had passed since Celestia had received the remote to the cannon, and she was now asleep.

Luna looked around her, the coast was clear. Silently, she slipped into the room and grabbed the controller. Its small metallic base had three letters engraved in its surface, ‘OFC’.

“This must be one of those new all in one consoles,” she mused as she turned the device over, examining every facet of the it’s design. There was a cable coming out of the bottom, which looked like it might fit into the plugs on her new flat screen television. “Celestia won’t miss it if she’s asleep,” Luna reasoned as she tiptoed out of the throne room and plopped herself down on the couch in her own room. She walked over to her tv and looked at the wire, then to the myriad of sockets in its back panel. “Great,” she mumbled as she wedged herself behind the tv, trying to get a good view of the port.

Several frustratingly cramped and tedious minutes later, she had successfully plugged the device into the television. Proud of her victory over the cords she triumphantly stepped back to the couch and tossed herself into its comfortable padding. She noticed that she had a small cable tangled around one of her hooves. It was the power cable to the TV. Groaning, she tugged at it, but it was stuck. She fiddled around with it for a few minutes until she finally wrenched herself free.

“Finally!” she exclaimed as she trotted toward the wall and plugged it in. She flew back over to the couch to avoid getting tangled up in any more troublesome cables. As she reached the couch she folded her wings and plopped down onto its soft surface, bouncing a bit from the springy foam. She pushed a button on the controller and the screen came to life.

“Welcome to the latest in orbital cannon technology.”

“Oooooo…”

“We are proud to present the Orbital Friendship Cannon, the first in its class to be given this much firepower in such an easy to manipulate package. Everything you need to rain down Love and Tolerance from thin air is at your hooves.”

Luna looked down to the controller. “This… Is… Awesome!” She immediately rushed through the instructional videos and jumped into the primary interface of the cannon. A large map of equestria came up on the screen.

“It must be a real time strategy, or something like that,” she said as she panned across the surface. Huh, they even have the castle in this,” she said as the familiar surface of the castle moved across the screen. As the screen reached the beachfront, she paused. There was the old royal beach house, the beach house that she loathed so much from her frequent run ins with crabs on its otherwise pristine sandy shore.

“This will teach you crabs to pinch the hooves of a Princess!” she declared as she pressed the button labeled ‘arm’

“Arming cannon, please stand by.” The screen began to pulse red. “Spinning up gyroscopes. Stabilizers armed. Satellite pan in progress… Target reached.”

“This is so cool!” Luna said as she waited with baited breath.

“Honesty: online… Laughter: online… Generosity: online… Loyalty: online… Kindness: online… Magic: Charging… Magic: Charged. Orbital Friendship Cannon armed and ready to fire.”

Luna looked at the screen, then to the button on top of the joystick that was now glowing red. The game’s sound effects were lacking, so Luna decided to supply her own. She mashed the button into the controller, all the while saying “pew! pew! pew!”

She froze as a brief flash of light flickered from the distance. She galloped to her balcony and to see a small hole punched through the different cloud layers of the atmosphere. The clouds were stained hues of red, orange, blue, and purple. In the center of the holes traveled a single multicolored line that was beginning to fade. On the horizon, Luna could barely make out a small rainbow-colored dome at the base of the line.

“Uh oh,” She mumbled as she looked to the screen and then out the window. “Tia isn’t going to be too happy about this.”

A low rumble of thunder rolled across the landscape and sent a chill down her spine.

“Luna? Was that you?” Celestia called sleepily.

“Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic!” Luna whispered to herself as she frantically tried to figure out an explanation for what she had just done.

“Princess, your 3 AM tea is ready,” a masculine voice said as Flash Sentry entered the room, bearing the royal teacup.

“Perfect!” Luna exclaimed as she lifted her tea off of the platter and replaced it with the controller.

“Luna?” Celestia asked again as she poked her head through the door. “What on earth are you doi-” Celestia stopped. There before her stood Flash Sentry, holding the remote to the new Equestrian super weapon. His face bore the expression of confusion rather than guilt. Beside him was Luna. On her face was a forced smile that looked more afraid than happy. Her brow was covered in sweat. And her hoof was pointed at Flash who now held the controller. The scene was the epitome of the pathetic lie.

“What’s going on?” Flash asked, frozen in fear from the antics of the night princess.

“You may retire, Flash Sentry. Luna and I have a lot of talking to do.”