Procrastination

Procrastination

Prologue—Party Games Ponies Play

The room was dark, with only stray strands of light trickling through the closed pink curtains next to the door. The four ponies in the room could hardly see each other, and only faint outlines proved their existence. The smell of cake and frosting wafted through the air, and the humidity in the room increased its perceived sweetness tenfold. Whispering was scattered about:

“Where is he?”

“Shh! It’s supposed to be a surprise,…Lyra?”

“You shh…”

“Do I have to come over and make you both shut up?”

“C’mon, it’s not like he’s coming in right now.”

“Oww, my leg! Stupid table!”

“Shh!”

“Who was that? Was that Big Macintosh?”

“Did that even sound like him?!”

“Eeyup.”

“Oh stop it, you two.”

The door suddenly opened and the doorknob hit the wall with a thud. The whispering ceased, leaving a taut silence that seemed to stretch out time like a thin line of rubber. A couple of hoof-steps later, the light turned on, bathing the room in yellowish light. Caramel screamed.

“What are you doing here?!”

“Erm…Surprise!” Rose said awkwardly.

“Happy birthday, Caramel!” yelled Lyra, throwing her hooves in the air and waving them around.

“At least he was surprised,” Bonbon conceded.

“Um…heart attack more like it!” Caramel shouted, rubbing his hoof up and down his chest.

“Happy birthday, Caramel.”

“Aww, thanks, Mac!” His heart fluttered.

“Psh. Of course Mac gets all the attention.”

“Be nice, Lyra.”

“You’re not the boss of me, Bonbon!”

“As your spouse, by definition I am!” she said triumphantly.

“So anyways!” Rose said loudly, clopping her hooves together, “We have this really awesome party for you that uh…[cough]…I put together.”

“Ooh, what is it?” Caramel asked. “I hope there’s not too much dancing,” he thought, “I can’t really dance…”

“Well, what do you want to do first?” Lyra asked.

“Erm…” Anything but dancing “How about a game?”

“Perfect!” shouted Rose. “Do you ponies wanna play Never Have I Ever? Perfect for getting to know your fellow friends!”

“Never Have I Ever?” Macintosh asked.

“It’s a simple game,” she said, as if that was all the explanation needed.

“Oh, this game always gets sexual,” Bonbon said, waving her hoof.

“So? That’s when it’s the most fun!” Lyra said.

“Okay, so I have a deck of cards in the drawer over there,” Caramel said, pointing to the mahogany table in the middle of the living room. They all sat down on the green rug next to the table in a circle. Rose set herself down next to the brown table, preferring to lean against something. Lyra and Bonbon sat together to her left, and to her right, Macintosh and Caramel.

“So everyone knows the rules, right?” Bonbon asked.

“Ah don’t.”

“Oh, well, it’s easy,” she explained, “We go around the circle saying ‘Never have I ever,’ then something you’ve never done. The goal is the pick something that you haven’t done, but other ponies have. And if somepony says something that he or she has never done, but you have, then you take a card from the middle. And we stop when all the cards are gone, and we see who has the most cards. It’s fun! You’ll see!”

“Eeyup.”

“Okay, so I say that the birthday colt goes first!” Rose chuckled.

“Oh, okay…um…” Caramel began thinking. His mind was drawing a blank. Every possible idea seemed too far away to grab. Oh Celestia, I can’t think of anything…

“Start with something simple,” Lyra suggested.

“Oh, got one! Never have I ever played tennis.”

“Ooh, good one,” said Rose, as she drew a card. Lyra drew one, as well. Psh. “Good one,” she says. She’s probably just being polite. Caramel mentally giggled.

“Ah guess I’m next,” said Macintosh. After a long pause: “Never have Ah ever been to Canterlot.”

Bonbon let out a small “tcha…” and slid a card from the top of the deck, onto the carpet, and in front of her.

“My turn!” said Lyra. “Never have I ever seen a timberwolf!”

Macintosh silently took a card.

Bonbon propped her head on her forelegs. “Hmm…” she mused. “Oh, I know. Never have I ever dated a colt!”

Everypony else drew a card. “That’s not fair!” Caramel exclaimed with a giggle.

“It totally is!”

Rose thought silently for a moment, then said, “Never have I ever eaten tomatoes.”

“What? Really?” Bonbon said incredulously. “Never?”

The mare shook her head. “Never.”

Their game continued for some time, and as promised, the statements grew increasingly sexual and yet, more engaging. This is such a great bonding activity. I’m learning so much about my friends!

At first, the sexual rounds were only mildly so. Rose made everypony else draw a card with, “Never have I ever kissed somepony of the same gender.”

Then, it became more so: “Never have I ever made love to somepony outside of home,” and “Never have I ever used bondage equipment.” Maybe I’m learning too much…

The game continued in its depraved vortex of sexuality until Lyra’s turn. “You know, we all have so many cards except for Caramel and Macintosh,” she observed. “This one’s just for you two. Never have I ever had sex with a stallion.”

Caramel coughed. “Erm…” his voice faltered. He gradually became aware of the faint buzzing coming from the fluorescent lights in the silence of the room.

Macintosh remained silent and looked at the corner where two walls meet the ceiling.

“What…aren’t you going to…oh Celestia, really? Really? Really?!”

Bonbon giggled. “You shush, Lyra. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Wait, you’ve never…?” Rose asked.

Macintosh shook his head. “Eenope. We’ve only been datin’ for about a year.”

“Our anniversary is next week,” Caramel said softly. Wow, am I really that much of a prude? Is it standard to make love to your coltfriend at the six-month mark? Two months? I’ve heard of some couples doing it on their first date! Is there something wrong with me? Something wrong with…us…?Oh Celestia, it’s a sign that we’re not meant to be!

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Caramel,” Bonbon said airily, waving a hoof around as if swatting a fly in slow motion. Then, she laid it on his foreleg. “You and Big Macintosh just take your time. I mean, Lyra and I waited a month to do it—”

“Really?” interrupted Rose, “I normally uh…I kinda do it within a week.”

“Everypony has different…schedules,” Lyra added.

“So…we’re not…weird…?” Caramel asked tentatively, clopping his hooves together shyly.

“Well…it’s…unusual…but not bad…” Lyra said.

Caramel nodded. I feel so pressured to…do it…but…I don’t really want to. What if something goes wrong? What if it ruins everything? What does Mac think? He looked over to his right, and thought he saw the red stallion wink at him.

Caramel fainted.