The Tale of Lady Hoofwise

The die was cast. I threw open the door and marched into the house. I was making a stand, showing that I wouldn't just fade away. My mother looked startled and the potato she'd just been peeling fell to the floor. "Hope?" She had said, looking me in the eye for the first time in months.

I launched into a tirade:

"Why are you and father treating me so? Have I done wrong? Have I shamed you?" She took each question as if it were a blow, shrinking back against the oven, but remaining mute.  I was now in my 16th year and tall for my age. At that moment I towered over her, glowering venomously. That lasted all of a minute, before I burst into tears.

"Don't you love me?"

That did get her attention. Her face twisted and she bawled. I was in shock. Never once had I seen my mother cry, she'd always hidden it. Now, the dam had broken and I was the cause. Caught between my fury and sadness, i choked. "Well?"

"I will always love you, little Star" came the muffled reply, before she leapt at me, holding me with crushing strength, born of emotion.

   If she'd used anything other than my nickname, I might've subsided, but that bitter reminder of the life I'd lost rekindled the flame. I pushed her off.

"Liar!" I shrieked, as she quailed.

"Ever since I found my talent, all you've done is ignore me. I'm still achieving as I did, working as hard; if not more so. You have no reason to treat me this way!" In that declaration, I let out all the pain of those last years. I stood there quivering, as she gave no answer; clutching the oven rail.

"You're right Hope, we don't have a reason"  An even, yet keen-edged tone sounded. I whirled around to see my father, who was usually so placid, advancing on me in a cold rage.

"We had NO reason, to stop playing favorites;to let your siblings feel as if they mattered? Is that what you're saying?"

Despite my terror, I bit back. "So, by making them feel wanted, you exclude me? Never acknowledge when I've done something worthy of praise!?"

"This!" I said, showing my mark.

"Is your reason." I spat.

"Ever since I found a talent you despised, you wanted rid of me." I retreated further; "You remember that night, don't you? I came home in TEARS knowing that you would hate me! Do you know how that feels?"

My father stopped. His glasses glinted as he adjusted them.

"We never wanted rid of you. In our eyes you had achieved your potential. Admittedly, we were disappointed, as we couldn't understand how that became your talent. But, that was not the reason we've acted as we have. You've always been a spoiled child. I'm sorry, but it's true. We realised that your siblings would always be in your shadow." He held my mother, who was now sobbing uncontrollably, while I shrunk away from his words.

"You were our pride and joy, as you well know. They know it too; can you imagine how THAT feels? So, we've treated you as their equal, to allow them their chance to shine. What seems to you  cruelty, is commonplace in other households. We knocked you off of that pedestal and we thought, you'd accepted it. But, I see from your actions today, you have not. We love you with all our hearts Hope, I'll be the first to say it and we are proud of what you have achieved. Now it is their turn."

I could not believe a word of what I was hearing. The exclusion, all those miserable nights, because they wanted my siblings to feel worthy? If a word of it were true, they would've told me prior to this, wouldn't you think? They waited until I, five years after that day, decide to speak out? Perhaps they'd prepared the whole speech in advance, to lull their darling daughter back? Ha!

I ran, with hot tears on my cheeks, bolting across the yard. A cry of "Hope!" pursuing me as I fled. I don't remember exactly how, but my flight took me to the Circus pavillion. I sat beneath a cart, huddled up and cried.

A voice called out

"Are you alright?"

I looked up into that concerned face, my own, puffed from crying. Little did I know, I was about to join the Circus.