Midnight's Tail

by Midnightshadow

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Adventure, Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 26394

Martin Danielsson is bored of life as a human - the Equestrians offer to ponify him...

when the ponies first appeared, their offers of ponification and a simpler life in Equestria attracted people from all walks of life. This is one of those stories.

Bonus Chapter incoming!

Published 2011-10-12 17:20:28 UTC
Last updated 2011-11-28 18:54:11 UTC

hitting the road

Midnight’s Tail

Part 1 - Hitting the Road

***

An MLP:FiM fanfic by Midnight Shadow

Thanks to: Chistery, Roy, Blaze, Pride, Peachy Punch and all my readers and editors :3

Based upon Blaze’s “Conversion Bureau” universe

Original: Equestria Daily - Conversion Bureau

***

The building was imposing, but then many buildings were now. So many changes over so little a space of time; Martin Danielson shook his head, trying not to grin like a loon at what he was about to do.

It was only a few years after what the world was calling ‘the last revolution’, the dawn of a technological singularity had brought global change on an unprecedented level. Cheap mass production, general artificial intelligence - almost overnight the world moved towards a state of post-scarcity, only not without hiccups. Heavy industry the world over, especially in previously third-world countries, had ruined much of the biosphere. Plants and animals had suffered, died, become extinct. People had starved, communities collapsed, fortunes lost. It had come so close to war so many times...but then the ponies had appeared, bringing with them even wilder changes. They offered something beyond the wildest dreams of the faltering hordes of humanity; a new life. Their lands were pure, pristine, unsullied by heavy industry - indeed, unsullied by almost any industry save farming.

Many had lobbied for access to this paradise through the global human-dominated senates, houses and other governmental and quasi-governmental organizations, seeking to take advantage of prime real estate, excellent farmlands, clement weather apparently controlled by the rulers of ‘Equestria’ as they called it.

Ambassadors had been sent...and returned empty handed, for around this land was a seemingly magical barrier, impenetrable to humans. Instead, these ponies sent their own ambassadors out to meet humankind. They spoke of friendship, they carried no weapons save horn and hoof, yet brandished powers which they freely spoke of as indeed being magical.

The word had come out, no, there would never be humans in Equestria. They were forbidden entry, for humans had ruined their own world, why should they just be given another to pillage and spoil? The ponies were aghast at poisons tipped into rivers, poisons sprayed on crops, fed to children. Traps set to rid the land of “pests” which would otherwise be out there removing the bugs and other ailments suffered by plantlife, negating the need for such chemicals. Animals kept in awful conditions with little regard for their wellbeing - humans were apparently intelligent, but the ponies had real trouble comprehending what appeared to be madness ingrained so deep it was no longer recognized.

However, the ponies were compassionate - using their phenomenal powers, whatever the basis, they had devised a way to offer succour to those in need. The Conversion Bureaus.

The ponies set up, using what little they had to trade, a network of centers the world over, where they planned to take in humans and, somehow, change them into ponies.

Martin was going to be amongst the first, what did he have to lose? He’d studied for years in systems administration. learnt to ply his trade, gotten a few breaks - and then almost-self-aware programs had been developed and he was no longer needed.

He remembered fondly the first real general AI as it clumsily assisted with his work, quoting poetry and koans as it picked apart his commands and acted upon them, its growing familiarity with the tasks set for it. He remembered the painful pride when it and thousands like it had grown more competent than he and his kind, he had become obsolete.

Nothing he knew was needed, almost overnight the entire market had not just collapsed, it had ceased to exist. Only very, very few held positions any longer, managing the seed programs, managing what hardware and software was unable to be managed by other programs, but almost to a man, millions the world over had been put to pasture. Martin just decided to take it one step further when he saw the advert playing on his holoprojector that one fateful morning. He’d been moping about the apartment, living off of instant meals and energy drinks, barely bothering to get dressed, even using those damned AI programs to make him appear dressed when speaking over the comm-link. They expertly made him appear well-coiffed, clean shaven, smart - his mirror on the other hand begged to differ.

He hadn’t left his apartment in days - the air outside was often filthy, almost unbreathable at times and the mass of steel and concrete stretched for an eternity before any form of countryside. When there, what could he do? The grass was protected, he couldn’t swim in the lake for fear he’d poison the fish...it was a joke. Industry had won on the manufacturing legislation, and the greens had won on the rest. The result was an unworkable mishmash of lack of oversight and crippling regulations on the use of free time and public amenities. Besides, there was nobody outside he wanted to meet. With ten thousand channels of instant entertainment at his fingertips, and glorious full-dee holovision communications anywhere on the planet, why would he ever leave?

Then the advert had come on, showing pictures taken with simple chemical-based cameras of an idyllic natural paradise. Martin had taken a single look around his apartment - clean and neat, light and airy, but otherwise barren - and had got up, washed, shaved and got dressed. He didn’t even pack. He took his car, the fuel-cell battery not even half-charged from neglect, it would only take him one way, and drove.

***

A bare half hour later, he stood outside the imposing building in his home city-state, not the first in the world but one of the first. The parking lot was pristine, empty save for his vehicle. The roads had been clear, relatively speaking. Much work was done remotely now, with fuel costs sky-rocketing as the last industrial revolution produced massive wealth for the few. For the masses, they had yet to feel the benefits of a so-called post-scarcity world. Indeed, every day more found they were not needed, and were afforded the bare minimum of support to live and learn a new trade.

A new trade. Martin chuckled coldly to himself, very few careers needed new blood. Very few careers wanted old blood. His chosen path had perhaps been sudden, but he had made his mind up. Here he was. The Conversion Bureau.

Martin looked at the doors and his grin faded slightly; a big sign said ‘SORRY! We Are Closed!’ - as he read it he snorted, “even in the future nothing works!”

He turned around, pulled his hat over his head and sat down by the double doors to wait. What else did he have to do?

Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop... Martin opened his eyes, the sun had moved a little but not much. He was comfortable enough, and with the weather and pollution forcast set to be clear, he didn’t worry overly about being outside that day. He blinked though at the sight of a purple horse - no, a purple unicorn pony trotting to the building trying her best not to look flustered, “I’m so, so sorry! I’m late, nobody remembered to open the doors, I broke the jelly-phone thing they gave me and I couldn’t call anypony on it anyway because, hey, hooves...”

Martin blinked again, and held out a hand, scrambling to get up. The approximately three-foor-high unicorn mare - he assumed mare, it sounded like a she and he was too polite to actually look - stuck out a hoof.

“Shake?” asked Martin dumbly.

“I...I believe that’s what you humans do, but I thought it involved more touching.”

“Oh, ah, er, sorry...” Martin took gentle hold of her hoof and shook it, lightly, almost afraid she would burst into glitter or somehow pop like a soap-bubble. A talking horse! No, he reminded himself, a talking pony.

“This is where we introduce ourselves, yes?” she said.

“I...guess so,” said Martin, flustered. He was shaking the hoof of a talking purple pony unicorn! Nothing in his life had prepared him for a talking purple pony unicorn. Her hoof was soft, surprisingly supple, shaped exactly like a normal horse’s hoof, yet with a difference he found he couldn’t place. Her pelt was equally soft, well-brushed, smooth and most important, she didn’t smell. He’d expected her to smell of, well, horse. She didn’t. She smelt of flowers, hay, grass. There was something he’d called ‘earthy’ but it was far from unpleasant.

“I think you’re supposed to let go after you stop shaking, and you’re supposed to say you’re name whilst you do? I’m Twilight Sparkle.”

“Twilight..?”

“Sparkle. You say your name now.”

“Martin. Danielson. Pleased to meet you...Miss Sparkle.” he wasn’t sure what you addressed a pony as. He didn’t know if she was married...did ponies get married?

“You’re the only one here today it seems - you might as well call me Twilight - everypony else does. Shame, I had this whole speech setup.” she pointed with her muzzle at the cloth bags on her shoulders, a bound sheaf of papers stuck out, hand-written, or hoof-written, thought Martin to himself, “can I give you the speech? It’s...I worked hard on it...” she looked positively downcast.

“Maybe...maybe there’ll be more later? And you can use it then?”

“You’re right. I hope. I wouldn’t want all of this to go to waste,” and she gestured with a hoof, “it’s hard work getting through all your laws and bylaws and inlaws and so on. Oh me, if I wasn’t so organized...but even I have limits. Well, come on in. We may as well get started!”

“Right now?”

“You...don’t want to be a pony? You do know what we do here, right? Nopony’s making you come?”

“Nobody, no. I-I-I...I wanted to come. I mean...I saw the advert. And I wanted to go there. To Equestria. As a pony.”

“Relax, Martin, it’s not a difficult process to go through. We’ve done it hundreds of times before.” Twilight opened the doors to the building somehow with her horn, it flashed briefly and they slid open silently. Inside was cool, pleasant. A white unicorn with a luxurious purple mane was speaking into a phone that she managed to somehow hold on her shoulders as she filed a hoof with a rasp that was floating in mid-air.

“How...how is she doing that?” whispered Martin to himself

Twilight looked, “I really don’t know, every time I try that I get the most awful neckache.”

“I meant the rasp!”

“Magic. She’s a unicorn.”

“Magic? There’s no such thing.”

Twilight stopped in mid-trot, “Martin? Do you actually know anything about me and my little ponies?”

“I...you’re...er...ponies?”

“Yes?”

“And...you live in Equestria.”

“And?”

“And you talk.”

“That’s it?” Twilight face-hoofed, muttered, “why do I put up with this.” and stomped off calling “Spike! Spike!”

The soft sibilant snoring noise Martin had been hearing, which he’d blamed the air-conditioning, abruptly ended and a sheepish scaly face peered over the counter, “yes, Twilight?”

“Spike...were you sleeping again?”

“I’m a baby dragon, Twilight. I’ve got to get my sleep you know.”

“Then you should go to bed earlier instead of watching the movie channels and playing computer games. Maybe that way you’ll be in time to open the doors.” Twilight pointed a hoof at Martin and gave the purple and green dragon a dirty look.

“Sorry Twi,” said Spike, retreating behind the desk. The snoring started again.

“Dragon.” said Martin

“Spike, yes. He’s my assistant. Come on, let’s show you around the place.”

“Dragon...” said Martin again, pointing. Twilight rolled her eyes and gave him a gentle push as she gave him the grand tour. The receptionist was Rarity - at least whilst they broke in the new crew, who hadn’t arrived yet. Fluttershy was the name of a timid yellow pegasus they found out in the gardens, tending to the crops and an alarmingly large number of small furry cute critters, all of which seemed to bustle around Fluttershy as if they were tame. Somehow she had them doing work on her behalf, a small army of helpful rodents, clearing away dead leaves, picking berries, digging holes...Martin had never seen anything like it. He was so struck by the oddness of it all, he almost got bowled over by a blue, rainbow-haired winged streak of lightning called Rainbow Dash who was, to fit her name, dashing around the place on a million small errands.

“Twi’, I don’t know why you got me here, this place is like, so lame. You barely let me out of the grounds and when you do, flying on Earth is all regulations and comm-checks - the helmet and goggles they make me wear chafe my ears something fierce. Can you believe they tried to make me hire unionized mechanics? For these bad babies?” Dash held up her wings triumphantly and struck a pose, “I only got out of it because I class as a light aircraft, AND a diplomatically protected one at that.” Dash turned to look at Martin, “who’s this dweeb?”

“DASH! You mind your manners!”

“I’m only joshin’, hello human. Dash is the name.” Dash held out a hoof, Martin gripped it carefully and shook.

“And dashing’s the game?” replied Martin

“Heh, I could get used to you. Let’s hang out some time, after you get ponied up. You’ll probably be cute.” she kissed her hoof and blew it at him before zooming off.

“Are all the other ponies like her?”

“Nope, some know how to address a stranger politely.”

“She was just being friendly. You’re all friendly. Don’t you ever fight?”

Twilight stopped for a moment, “we don’t tend to fight. What would we fight over? I mean Dash is obnoxious at times, and Rarity’s prissy, but they’re my friends, and Fluttershy...well Fluttershy is Fluttershy.”

“Descriptive names, you have.”

“We like to have names that suit us. Some of us - like my friend Applejack who’s back home seeing to her orchards - tend to have a family speciality. You’ll meet the Apple Clan if you come live near Ponyville. Then again, we live closer than you humans do - you all have family names to keep track of all your kith and kin. Not a bad idea, I think it’s the only way the Apple Clan really know who’s who. Then again, it’s the Apple Clan...”

Just then, as they headed back into the building proper, with Twilight about to display the sleeping quarters to Martin, there was a burst of static and a giggle, followed by a loud clopping noise as a hoof hit a microphone, “This thing on? Heeelllooooo! Ooh it is! I just love these...ahem! Good morning, er, afternoon! This is Pinkie Pie speaking, and I’ll be doing the daily announcement! My first one! Wheee! Isn’t that special! Well today, we have...oh...just the one? Well that makes him extra specially special! We have Martin Danielson in the center today to be ponified! Isn’t that great! Let’s all give Marty, the M-meister, M.D, the D-man, M-dawg...oh fine, let’s all give Martin,” and he could hear the eyeballs rolling at being denied her fun, “a big stomping stampede of a welcome!”

The microphone clicked off loudly, and with a bustle and a sudden burst of streamers and confetti, a bright pink pastel pony bounded into the room, one hoof holding a ridiculously oversized foam hand that read ‘Number 1!’ which she waved around as she bounced on all three remaining hooves around the startled human. He could barely keep up and felt rather dizzy after only a few repetitions, but it didn’t seem to bother Pinkie Pie.

“Whooo! That was great! We should totally have a party!”

“Pinkie, no. No parties. Not today. Later!”

“Aww, you’re such a sticky sticky stick in the mud you...you...mud-sticking stick you.” Pinkie stuck out a tongue

“Anyway,” said Twilight, pointedly turning around so her rear was facing Pinkie, who continued making faces, “normally we’d get you settled in, you’d be here for a few days and get used to the idea, but...well...no time like the present.”

“Don’t you want to know why I want to be a pony? Allergies? Employment history?”

“Do you have any allergies?”

“I...no.”

“oh, well, that was simple. How about your employment history then?”

“I...I work with computers. Or I did, before...”

“Oh,” Twilight looked puzzled, “well we don’t really have many computers. It’s the hooves. We can’t really use the fiddly things. Rarity’s the only one who can dial a jelly-phone without it breaking in two.”

“So...can you take me?”

“Of course.”

“Not worried about my job prospects?”

“Not really. You’ll find something to do, everypony always does.”

“Aren’t you worried I could be a trouble-maker?”

“Are you a trouble-maker?”

“I..no!”

“Fine! Then it’s settled. Unless you want to go through the formal route, I think this one time we can skip the ‘frou-frou’ as Spike would call it and get straight to the whole ponification part. You ready?”

Martin blinked, “I...I guess so. Let’s go before I change my mind.”

“Once we do this, there’s no turning back. Nopony’s ever wanted to, but just so we’re straight,” said Twilight, “it’s a one-way trip. You’ll be giving up everything you have here and starting a new life. It’s why we usually have the whole week-long thing. Those unsure check out long before then.”

“What can I say,” said Martin at the double-doors below a sign marked simply ‘Ponification Station’, “let’s do this.”

The room itself, down the long corridor behind the double doors, was spotless. Unused, even. It had a vaguely operating-room smell, disinfectant and not-yet-dried paint, but looked business-like enough.

“Hop up on the seat here,” Twilight indicated the oddly-shaped seat with arm and leg-rests.

“Shouldn’t I take my clothes off or something?”

“Oh! Heh, silly me. Yes, it’ll be much easier to work that way, and taking them off after isn’t really going to work.”

“Not to mention we had to pop the eyeballs back in of the last guy who didn’t take his poloneck sweater off!” laughed a voice outside the window

“Dash! That’s a lie and you know it!”

“Hehehe....” somehow Rainbow made a pop noise with her hoof in her muzzle and put on a derpy-eyed expression. Twilight growled under her breath and pulled the venetian blinds down with her teeth, giving a swift twist of the neck to shut out the offensive pegasus.

“Spoilsport. I wanted to see what he looked like!” she called from behind the screen

“You’ll see him after! Scoot!”

“I better. I bet he’s a pegasus like me.”

“Scoot!”

“Yeah yeah,” said the voice from behind the blinds as Dash gave up trying to peek between them, “I’ll catch ya later stud.” she was off with an audible swoosh.

***

“So,” asked Martin, “how’s this going to work?” he was naked, mostly, blushing. It crossed his mind that all the ponies were, with the exception of Twilight who still had her bags on, and Rarity who had put on some sort of hat to keep her hair out of the way of her eye and presumably horn, absolutely naked. Why it should still bother him he didn’t know.

“You lie down here, without the underwear - that would get uncomfortable on a pony and is quite unnecessary,” said Rarity, gesturing with a hoof, “and drink this.”

A cup floated in front of Martin’s eyes. He blinked, would he ever get used to that? Taking it, he sniffed. It was purple, smelling slightly of berries or grapes.

“And this makes me a pony?” he asked incredulously as he nervously removed his underwear and stood stark bollock naked in front of the largest single gathering of naked females he had ever stood infront of. Rarity swatted his hand away and gestured to the arm-rest disapprovingly, he was being difficult and childish, said her expression.

“No, it makes you sleepy, silly!” said Pinkie, bouncing again. He didn’t know what she was doing, but she seemed excited. He realised he’d never seen her not excited. It can’t be such a bad life, he reckoned, if you can be that happy. He downed the mixture in one, making a face at the bitter aftertaste.

“So, uh, how long bef-” he passed out.

The first thing to come were sensations, emotions, pure light and sound. There was endless fields of waving grass, sweet summer breezes, azure-blue sky. He was without form, fluid, ethereal. The wind spoke of life, animals, ponies. Following the irresistable pull of life he found himself mingling with the herd. They didn’t speak in any language he knew but conversed with body and breath. He found he could understand them, “come!” and “go!” and “fight!” and “run!” spoke the multitude. In moments he found himself on all fours, bucking, prancing, neighing. He looked down, a beige vaguely-equine creature, more like what a horse was than what one looked like. They took off across the fields, and he followed, galloping into the sun. With a leap, a whinny of terror, a shrill cry of exultation, the ground under his hooves disappeared and with suddenly-sprouted wings he flew. Now the herd around him were swooping and diving, effortless in their mastery of the air. As the sun went down he flew towards a castle high on a rock, lights bright against the velvet sky, beneath stars that shone as none he could remember. Like mist he flowed through the open window, around the spiral staircase and down, down into chambers deep in the mountain. A library, a laboratory, horned ponies worked in soft, musical voices, mixing, creating, learning, teaching.

In the middle of a suddenly-vast hall were two thrones, occupied by two ponies - one light and fiery, the other dark and glowing. They smiled at him, their twin glows growing bright, brighter, so bright he could barely see...

He opened his eyes. The room, blinds up, sun streaming in through the curtain-less window straight into his face. He groaned, and brought a hand up to his face, only to slap himself silly with a hoof. When the stars had cleared he looked, and carefully waved the hoof in front of his massively-elongated nose, “It’s mine!” he said in a strange voice. He coughed, “forgive me, I’m a little hoarse.”

With peals of laughter, the pink pony bounced up to him and gave him a kiss on the nose, “I knew you could do it! Oop, gotta mind that thing...” she moved her head to the side, and pecked his cheek.

“Thing?”

“You’re a unicorn, Martin.”

“I...am?”

“Dashy’s gonna be sooooo disappointed. She prefers pegasi. Sooo disappointed!” Pinkie gave him an appraising look that made his heart flutter for some reason, before bounding off again, “hee hee!”

“Can you get up?” asked Twilight, as she and Rarity moved to give him room.

“I...I don’t know...” Martin eased himself off the seat which had now bent and moulded itself to his four hooves and collapsed in a heap on the floor, “give me a minute.”

“Carefully now, most of your muscles are still in the same place, but others...it might help to imagine walking on your fingertips, which you don’t have anymore. Gently now, even foals can do it almost right off the bat, I’m sure a big strong unicorn like you won’t have any trouble...”

Martin put one foot on the floor - hoof, he corrected mentally - and then another. And another. And another. His elbows and knees - which he now seemed to have four of each - buckled and he almost fell over...but he regained composure at the last moment. He’d done it! Standing!

“YAY!” said Pinkie, bouncing around him again so enthusiastically he found himself in a heap of hooves, knees, elbows, wrists, fetlocks...whatever it was the ponies had. Oh man, he said to himself, I’m going to have to go back to school when I don’t even know what my body parts are called.

“You’re doing well!” said Twilight, giving Pinkie The Look and pointing out the door with one hoof, “want to see what you look like?”

Rarity held up a mirror with her hooves, balancing it carefully so he could see himself, “darling,” she said, “your mane, your tail, simply gorgeous! When you get settled in you simply must come visit and model for me. I’ll have a whole range of clothing just for you...the possibilities!”

Martin looked, and there in front of him was a dark blue - midnight blue, he thought to himself - unicorn stallion with glowing multi-coloured mane and tail. He held one hoof up, trying to copy the pose that Rainbow Dash had made. He almost had it but fell on his chin. He swore as he tasted a bit of blood, he’d bit his tongue, “ow! Dammit!”

“Ooh, try to heal it!” said Pinkie, poking her head through the doors, somehow knowing he’d injured himself, she must have been hiding outside the door and listening since being banished, “you unicorns are good at that sorta thing!”

“Heal ith?” he lisped, trying to look at his injured appendage.

“Just...think of your tongue. Think of it not hurting, and then...make it so.”

Martin did so, screwing up his eyes, clenching his jaw, somehow pushing with his mind until he felt something burst and suddenly his tongue no longer hurt! He stuck it out and looked at it, “I...I think that wath a succeth...” he said, “are unicorn tongues supposed to be quite that shade of purple?”

***

The biggest challenge of his life faced him. He breathed heavily, steeling himself. He was not prepared.

“Come on you silly foal, it’s only a hallway. It doesn’t bite.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve had more than five minutes with those legs of yours.”

“Just a hop, skip and a jump!”

“It’ll be hop, skip and splat if I try.”

“Then,” said Twilight, shoving Pinkie out the way, who happily bounded away down the corridor like a pony-shaped india-rubber ball, “put one hoof in front of the other. Remember, two - that’s your right front hoof - three, your left hind hoof - one, your left FRONT hoof, and four, the right hind hoof.”

“Easy...easy peasy...I can do this...” Martin put one hoof after the other, and found himself bunched up like a hoop as he’d forgotten to move his front legs. He fell over once again as he tried to stand up like a human, and dragged himself to his hooves once more. Leaning against the wall, ignoring the cries of “cheater!” from a giggling Pinkie Pie, he shuffled forwards a few steps sliding against the support before finding the rhythm.

Clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-THUNK...he pulled himself up again,

clop-clop-clop-clop.... clop-clop clop-clop... he had it! He laughed, was that it? He experimented, trying a trot. He tried a backwards trot...and then after picking himself up vowed to try trotting backwards much later. It seemed like forever, but he was suddenly at the double doors. He nosed them open - that’s why there’s no doorknobs! He realised - and stepped out into the main building’s common room.

There was a bright flash as a dozen or more bulbs went off - apparently somepony has alerted the media, thought Martin to himself wryly as a gaggle of shouting, urgent, gesticulating hairless monkeys bade him look in their direction. It was almost comical in their frantic yelling and shouting for a response. They all spoke at once, just a jumble of noise, barely separable from base whooping and hollering, most of the questions non-sensical and ridiculous.

“Oh, it’s just another of those ponies...hey, hey pony, what’s your name?”

“This way, pony, look over here!”

“Where’s the guy who came here? How much is he paying you for this?”

“Is he dead? Will he recover? Our sources say he’ll have permanent brain damage and neural problems - how do you respond?”

“Are the stories true, do you euthanize humans and replace them with pony duplicates?”

Martin blinked, didn’t they..? No, no they didn’t.

“I’m er, Midnight,” said Martin, making a name up on the spot, “Midnight...Sh-Shadow.”

“Okay Midnight, tell you what, we’ll give you all the hay you can eat for a year if you tell us where the pony-dude is.” asked one of the brasher, louder reporters quickly.

“Oh, you mean Martin? He’s out back in the gardens, I think, or off sleeping, if he didn’t run off already.”

With a rushing and pushing and he sound of blows and breaking equipment, the gaggle of desperate reporters fell over themselves as they fought to get the exclusive first pictures of the ponified human, wherever he was hiding. Martin sniggered to himself and trotted out to the front desk to keep up the charade. Spike was sitting there, paws folded across his chest having listened to the whole thing, “So, Midnight Shadow, huh?”

“Shh! I’ve got better things to do than pose for those vultures.”

“Like what? I thought you humans thrived on fame, fortune and glory?”

Martin stopped and blinked, looking at a hoof, “yeah. We...they do.”

“Already a pony, huh?”

“I guess I am.”

“So, how’s it feel?”

“I...I dunno. Kinda nice, I guess.”

“And the clothing-optional status?”

“I...oh...OH hell...I’m...” he blushed, he hadn’t even realised!

“Relax, relax, I’m just messing with ya. After all, not a stitch on me either. Come on, let’s see what they’ve got in the cafeteria.” with that, the baby dragon hopped off the counter and landed squarely on Martin’s shoulders, where he gave a little kick with both heels.

“H’ya! Giddy up!”

“If you ‘hiya’ me again I’ll buck you off.” snorted Martin, turning his head to look at the sheepish dragon. Truth be told he wasn’t sure if he could without falling over, but either way the pest would get a spill.

“Hiho Midnight, away?”

“That’ll do.” They trotted - Martin trotted, Spike bounced - to the cafeteria.

***

The cafe was empty - heck, the whole building was empty, apart from the skeleton crew of pastel ponies and desperately-seeking-Martin reporters. Martin’s stomach growled, as did Spike’s, “heh, guess you’re as hungry as I am?”

“I haven’t eaten properly for days. Energy drinks and snacks.”

“Mmm, snacks. I like a good glass of coke. I don’t know why you put that brown liquid in the bottles though, completely ruins the fine bouquet.”

“You eat glass?”

“Didn’t think I ate hay now, did you?”

“I...don’t know.”

“Silly! Dragons only eat hay when they’re on a diet.” said Pinkie, popping up behind a huge bowl of green salad. She somehow had a fishnet hat on which kept her bouyant, bouncy pink hair out of the way. She brandished a ladle, though Martin was completely unable to tell how, “what’ll I do you for?”

“What’s...uh..good? For a pony I mean?”

“Alfalfa sandwich, alfalfa smoothie, alfalfa salad and alfalfa surprise.”

“Alfalfa surprise?”

Pinkie grinned so wide he was quite sure she would burst, “surprise! It’s alfalfa.”

Martin couldn’t help but smile, even through the corny joke, “okay, you win. Give me something you’d eat.”

“Oooh nonononono, only a third-grade Pinkie-Dan can master sugar of that magnitude. I’ll give you something you would eat.” said Pinkie, and she ladled out a selection of carrots, grass, hay, dandelions, apple and salads.

“That’s it? No sweet chili sauce? No fries?”

“Well we could do you a mean fried hay burrito, but we’re out of sweet chili sauce...”

Martin sighed, “I’ll give it a go...”

Martin took the plate gingerely in his mouth after dropping it a few times back on the counter, still unused to the whole ‘no thumbs’ and oral dexterity issues ponies had, and placed it on a table. He looked forlornly at the chairs, and decided to stand. He could barely keep himself upright without wobbling as it is, he didn’t need to negotiate sitting too. He nibbled the carrots. He devoured the cucumber. The hay and grass...it was like...he couldn’t explain it well, not even to himself. A mixture of fruit juice flavour with the texture of salad-greens. It was delicious. He was surprised when he’d eaten it all.

“That...that was...”

“How was your first meal as a pony?” asked a voice behind him

Martin answered, “oh, it was nothing like I expec- oh damn it! You tricked me.”

“You tricked me first.” said the man, pointedly leaving his camera on the table, pointing the other way.

“It wasn’t difficult,” Martin looked up at the human, realising the human looked...different to him than he would have before. He was a stranger, but...now he was a strange stranger.

“Care to do an interview?”

“Only if you don’t ruin it for everyone. I know how much you guys love a juicy story, but I don’t want to be turned into some three-page monstrous misanthrope.”

“It’ll be hard, you turned your back on the human race.”

“I guess I did,” Martin sat on his haunches and thought about it.

“And?”

“And what?” said Martin pointedly.

“Any regrets?” prompted the reporter.

“Nope. Look, I know you’ve got cameras up the wazoo here, heck you’re probably transmitting this live to your servers as we speak, it might even be on the hypernet already. I don’t want any payment, any deals other than don’t print lies about me or this place. You don’t have anything I want, not any more.”

Martin thought a little, “You know, I think you could do the bravest, best story ever, and you could do it without me.”

“Oh?” There was a hunger in the reporters eyes, Martin could see that. The same hunger he had felt - tempered somewhat by circumstance, but powerful and present all the same. Pickings were slim these days for humans. He had no doubt it would even out in the end, but before then a lot of good people would find themselves without a hoof to stand on.

“You’re in the Conversion Bureau, you figure it out. An inside view, from the horses mouth as it were. Or the pony’s.” Martin looked pointedly towards the sign over the door that said ‘ponification station’.

“How long?” asked Martin, eyes looking past the man in front of him, gaze firmly on the man he used to be not so long ago. With the right kind of eyes, he realised, you could see where the wave broke, and started to roll back, taking so much with it. So much.

“For what?” asked the reporter, unused to being asked questions, much less by a talking pony.

“How long before you’re replaced, like I was? They’ve got botnets now trawling for stories. There’ll always be reporters, but...only the best of the best or the lucky or more likely the cheap few will still be in the game. You could...sidestep all that. Become a pony.”

“But...I like being a human!” said the surprised reporter.

“Maybe, but you’d like a huge story more, wouldn’t you? I’m quite sure reporters are needed in Equestria, and with the right spin on it you could be the biggest news sensation this side of the shield too. The story of a lifetime. All yours. Exclusive. Forever. Nopony’s done it yet, news from the inside, from the front. You don’t want my little old slice of life, even if I were a standard dropout it’s not that big a deal. A few weeks, probably days, and I’ll just be a statistic, but you? A reporter, live from inside fabled Equestria...” Martin had him, he smiled and left, motioning for Spike and Pinkie to follow as the reporter stood up, dropped his camera in the bin and first knocked on and then opened the double doors, where a surprised Twilight was met coming the other way.

Martin swept the floor later that day before bed, he had been the only visitor - Rarity was playing the physiotherapist for him and made him do all manner of menial chores. “After all,” she said, “who’ll be doing them for you when you get to Equestria? You’d better learn now whilst we can still help!”

The staff played the game of “confound these reporters” well; Martin pretended to just be another ordinary pastel talking magical unicorn pony and eventually they lost interest. Dash however did not.

“S-so, er Midnight was it?”

“It’s as good a name as any. I think I’d sound silly as a pony called ‘Martin’ if you ask me.”

“And...now you’re a unicorn.”

“Sorry, Dash, I didn’t get to choose.”

“With....with that rainbow mane and tail though,” she sounded like she was working up to something, “are you sure that...you’re not...inside...a little pegasus?”

“Quite sure.”

“Do you wanna be?”

Martin did a double-take and dropped the brush from his mouth, it fell to the floor with a clatter. Rainbow Dash had the decency to look embarassed.

“Did...did you just...”

“Ohh...did I say it wrong? I...I worked on that for, like, ages. It was in this book and...”

She looked so flustered it made him smile, “Dash, that was quite possibly the corniest pickup line I’ve ever heard!”

“Aww...”

“Dash, I’m...this morning I had two legs. Now I’ve got four. I...it’s not a good time. You’re sweet and when I’ve got used to the idea of...dating a pony...like you...ask again.”

“You know, for an ex-knobbly-kneed monkey type, you’re not too bad lookin’, even if you aren’t a pegasus.” Rainbow zoomed off in a flash muttering to herself, "We all have a little Pegasus in us, Martin! Question is, do you want to be in a little pegasus...that’s what I should’a said...”

***

Hoofing It

Midnight’s Tail

Part 2 - Hoofing It

***

An MLP:FiM fanfic by Midnight Shadow

Thanks to: Chistery, Roy, Blaze, Pride, Peachy Punch and all my readers and editors :3

Set in Blaze’s “Conversion Bureau” universe

Original: Equestria Daily - Conversion Bureau

***

Midnight rolled out of bed awkwardly and stood up, shaking his great shaggy head to clear it before stumbling over to the mirror to peer bleerily at his reflection. “So,” he said to himself, turning his head left and right, “unicorns have bed-hair too, bed mane I guess I should call it now? And a bad case of it. How am I supposed to brush it?”

Just the day before, Midnight Shadow had been a human calling himself Martin Danielson, then everything had changed with a visit to The Conversion Bureau where talking, magical ponies from Equestria had turned him into a unicorn. Everything was going surprisingly well, but daily realities were setting in.

Midnight put his hoof up to his mouth and breathed on it before inhaling through his two ample nostrils, checking for morning breath. It sent his eyes derping, “Bad morning breath too, huh? They’ve gotta have something for that...”

He examined the room; the bed was a simple yet firm mattress on the floor, there was a single window with venetian blinds and a large, smooth bit for him to bite down on and manipulate now he had no thumbs. The light-switch was a big, nose-level push-button and there were what appeared to be two sinks for washing in. He eyed the fixture he’d thought was a toothbrush holder suspiciously. It was actually a toothbrush.

“Cunning,” he said to himself, “now let’s see...”

He picked up the tube of toothpaste from the larger sink in his mouth and looked at it in the mirror. It had no cap as such, just some sort of one-way valve. He wondered idly how they made them, whether they even had them in Equestria. Wild horses didn’t exactly brush their teeth, did ‘wild’ ponies?

The brush was large and white, a simple yet hopefully effective device. He squeezed some toothpaste onto the bristles after a couple of tries with his lips, and then put the tube back carefully. Gingerly he put the brush in his mouth - it did indeed seem to be a normal toothbrush, fixed to the wall. He whipped his head back and forth carefully and built up a mouth full of foam. He made faces in the mirror trying to check if he’d got everything. It was then he realized there were no taps.

He poked his head out of the dorm-room cautiously, it was early morning and he didn’t want to wake anypony up. Stomping through the dimly-lit complex he heard a familiar noise. Spike snoring in a kitty-basket behind the front desk. He’d been put on timeout since he’d stayed up late one too many times playing computer games and had been forbidden from the teamroom.

“Spike!” hissed Midnight, “Psst! Wake up! SPIKE!” he nudged the dragon with a hoof insistently until the green and purple shape stirred suddenly.

“Wha’? What’s that? Who’s thereaaaAAAARRRRGGHHH!” Spike hiccuped and a green flame shot out of his nostrils, illuminating the room for a brief second.

“Oh..ouch..oh god..I’m blind...” there was a crash and a clatter as the startled Midnight knocked the pens and a potted plant off the desk as he stumbled about from sudden combustion of the eyebrows.

“Martin? What the hell are you..? Why are you rabid?” the baby dragon poked Midnight in the muzzle pointedly.

“I’m not rabid, I was brushing my teeth! And my name’s Midnight now. Midnight Shadow.” he blinked the stars away.

“And? Why are you wandering about in the dark?”

“I can’t find the taps!” he hissed.

“Oh is that all? You woke my nap for that? Newfoals...come on, I’ll help. I guess you want to use the facilities too, huh? Did they show you how to do that even?”

Come to think of it, Midnight did feel a little bit...bloated. He shook his head and blushed a little, sending flecks of foam flying through the air. Spike put his paws on his face and sighed, “Twi wrote the checklist, I made sure that was on it. Why me?”

Back at Midnight’s dormitory, Spike pointed to the smaller of the two sinks, “I would have thought, with that big old brain of yours, you’d have spotted the pressure plate. Just...put your nose in there. Go on, push.”

Midnight did so, and with a sudden gurgle, found water was welling up. He withdrew with a start, and the gurgling stopped. He slurped the water up and gargled...then looked gingerely at Spike.

“The other sink. Surely you didn’t think we put two in by mistake?”

The big sink was just sitting there, in a quietly porcelein way. Midnight spat, and then swirled a second lot of water and spat again, cleaning it. His breath was minty fresh and apart from the scorch marks he was looking good, “I guess the bed-mane will have to wait until Rarity can teach me how to brush it.”

“I can help,” Spike hopped up onto Midnight’s back after grabbing a complimentary hairbrush from the cabinet, “start at the ends down here near the whithers, then move in to the base of the neck, then move up...and repeat...start at the ends...”

“Oohh that’s nice...” Midnight closed his eyes, ears splaying out with happiness, a good brushing was something he’d never thought he’d enjoy. It was like a warm happy feeling spreading all the way down to his hooves.

“Yeah, I always brush Twi’s mane. Rarity’s when she lets me..” said Spike happily, “Ah, Rarity...” Spike brushed extra tenderly, daydreaming.

“...and now it feels weird again. Off.”

Spike pouted, but hopped off, “Okay then, the facilities. This way...”

***

Spike led the way through the complex, and pointed out at the garden, “Most of the staff just heads out ‘round the back. If you do you'll find the place."

“Fragrant?” asked Midnight, arching an eyebrow.

“I’ll say, they grow the biggest flowers with that stuff.”

Midnight stopped for a second, and shook his head, that hadn’t been quite what he’d meant, “Well thanks, but no thanks. I’d prefer to use the indoor facilities if you please.”

“If you say so, down this way then.”

The dragon led the way through the complex, only the sound of hooves echoing through the empty cafeteria until they came to some doors marked ‘staff only’.

“These are the only pony-ready facilities in the joint. I guess I’m lucky, I can make do with the human ones, but you big guys need heavier-duty gear. Not that they use ‘em. It’s through there...there’s never enough ponies at one time to need separate stalls.”

Midnight looked at the doors, there were three - male, female, and pony. Walking in, the place was spotless and looked unused. He remembered it probably was. There was what looked like a urinal on one wall, but it was huge with odd fixtures and a much larger hole than he’d expected.

“This the thing?” he called out to Spike, eyeing it suspiciously.

“Probably! It’s not like I can see it you know!” called the dragon through the door, “You put your butt up against it, get your tail out the way and let fly. It’s got a special...I’m not sure what humans call it...”

With some issues maneuvering, Midnight did so. He felt very, very self-conscious but eventually felt quite relieved, “Now what?” he called out.

“Well...there’s a kind of...button on the floor. Push it -” Spike was about to continue with the words ‘very, very carefully’ when there was a loud, girlish shriek and a wild-eyed Midnight came barrelling out the door, eyes rolling and wide.

“I...tried to warn you.”

“Warn me faster...warn faster next time...and the word you were looking for was bidet...the next pony who gets that treatment may not be so kind...I’m going to go lie down now...” Midnight’s speech was strangely high-pitched and urgent and he was breathing heavily, but at least you could say he was clean, “We shall never speak of this again. Ever.”

As Midnight wobbled unsteadily down the corridor with the dragon once again on his back, the staff members were waking up from all the loud noises. He trotted past them all nonchalantly except for one. On seeing Rarity the unicorn, Midnight stopped with a double-take. Her entire muzzle was green; green mud-like substance covered her up to her ears, and cucumbers were somehow balanced over her eyes. There were curlers.

“I’ll have you know,” said Rarity, as she heard the hoofsteps die away in front of her, “that beauty like this requires work.” and she turned around in a huff and went back to her room, tail and head held high.

“So much for bed.” said Midnight as he noted the corridor rapidly filling with ponies.

“Bed?” asked a friendly voice from behind him, he turned to see a yawning Twilight, “I swear you’re as bad as my Spike.”

“I resent that!” piped up Spike from Midnight’s back.

“If the horse-shoe fits.” said Twilight under her breath, grinning.

“I don’t even wear shoes!” complained Spike, folding his arms across his chest, “Especially not horse-shoes!”

Midnight turned and started walking away, “Come on Spike, I need to do something and I may need your help.”

“Me?” asked the dragon, “What in Equestria do you need me for?”

“Thumbs, just in case. We’re going on a short trip outside.”

***

Midnight and Spike were chattering about the differences between Equestria and Earth - they shared the same space but had very different mores and customs, not that human culture was entirely uniform.

“I’m impressed with your name-choice, Midnight. Very modern of you.”

“Huh? How come?”

“Well, it’s gender neutral, but traditionally related to the moon, and Princess Luna, and...er...well...she’s related to foaling...”

“Are you saying ‘Midnight’ is a girl’s name?”

“I..ah..it’s not quite that simple, I mean...I learn a lot of this from Twilight and her books, and...and...you know, nopony really agrees exactly with all of it, and it’s all down to parental choice and the subtle nuances...” Spike babbled on at length before Midnight stopped him.

“Spike! Is it?”

Spikes ears drooped, “Kinda?”

Midnight sighed, stopping in the harsh morning sunlight, “Really? It’s a girl’s name?”

“Sorry bro.”

He sighed again and continued walking, “Too late to change it, I guess. Anyway, we’re here.”

“Where?” Spike, still ensconced on Midnight’s back, looked all around and up and down, they hadn’t walked far from the centre and seemed to be nowhere special.

“A ‘Hole in the Wall’ as we call them, there’s not too many left these days. Ever since being ponified, my implant stopped working. Without it, I need some other way to access my bank account.” Midnight pointed with his horn at a booth, “These can be voice-activated. I hope it’ll recognize me. If it doesn’t, that’s where you come in. I have a passcode I can try instead but I’m going to have trouble pushing the buttons.”

“Your implant is toast, if it’s still even there,” Spike rolled his eyes and twiddled a claw at his temple, “something about the ponification process knocks ‘em out. Twilight won’t let me get one.”

“I’m not sure you could if she’d let you, they’re made for humans.” he turned the booth, “Station, activate - citizen Danielson, Martin, requesting voice confirm.”

“Voice Ident unsuccessful, Visual Ident unsuccessful.” the machine answered in a smooth, disinterested timbre.

Spike’s mouth dropped open and his eyes shone. For better or worse, the little dragon loved the cool gadgets that populated Earth.

Midnight swore, “er, station, citizen Danielson, Martin has undergone radical...surgery...requesting retinal scan, compensate for size differential, weight differential and voice tone.”

“Scanning...surgical changes compensated for. Pattern matched. Welcome, Citizen.”

“Oh thank goodness. I was thinking we’d have to go to my apartment...” Spike looked entirely too unhappy with the success, thought Midnight, but he didn’t really fancy trying to pull all the seats out of his car and overriding the guidance computer to let them travel with no seatbelts.

“Spike, do you guys have a...an account? I mean I don’t have much but it’s the last thing standing in my way. Call it a token gesture, but I want to step into Equestria shod of my past life.”

“I...I have an account!” said Spike hopefully

“I tell you what, I’ll send you my computer games, IF you promise not to play them past ten at night.”

“Awww...”

“and I’ll sweeten the deal with my sixty-inch flatscreen and the holoprojector.”

“Sweet!”

“I’ll make sure Twilight knows the deal.”

“Well that’s no fair.” grumbled the dragon, crossing his paws over his chest and pouting, a little green flame shooting from his mouth.

Midnight, using his old name and old persona for what he hoped was the last time in his life, closed up shop. He ordered everything useful to the Conversion Bureau sent to their address, liquidated the rest and transferred the funds to the organization behind them. For an entire life’s work, it was distressingly small. In a strange way though, it helped him make that last step. He really wouldn’t be missed. When he turned around, he was surprised to find two men lurking furtively in an alcove of a closed-up shop.

“Gimme yer money.” said one, and the other brandished something that might have been a knife, or a piece of poly-plastic

Midnight was taken aback, he knew things were bad but...that bad? “I...does it look like I have pockets in this thing? I don’t have any money to give to you, what would I do with it?”

“We heard you, pony, shuttling money about. Your Bureaus are loaded. We want some. Give us a few thousand and we’ll reconsider selling your skin.”

“I was getting rid of it and you’re too late, it’s gone.”

Spike tensed on Midnight’s back and stood up, holding on to the unicorn’s mane with one claw and pointing at the nearest speaker, “Buddy, you are messing with the wrong pony. This here is Midnight Shadow. I saw him turn a griffon inside out once when he knocked over his drink and refused to pay for a refill. He was thrown out of a dragon’s gambling den for tearing the wings off my cousin, he only made it alive out because I promised to serve Midnight for a year.”

“This...you...” the men looked less sure of themselves, glancing at each other.

“What the hell are you doing?” hissed Midnight, not taking his eyes off the pair of would-be robbers in front of him. He lowered his horn threateningly, weaving it to and fro.

“Make your horn glow!” hissed Spike in Midnight’s ear.

“What?” whispered Midnight back, heart beating so loud he could barely hear what the dragon had said.

“I said make your horn glow, now!” the dragon turned to the two men again, speaking loudly, “You like having two arms each huh? Well if you don’t get outta here my buddy Midnight’s going to give you wings and a beak - he don’t eat chicken, but I do...”

Midnight concentrated, remembering his tongue, but this time concentrating on a simple light-show. To his immense satisfaction, his horn apparently caught on fire with a green, baleful glow. He gritted his teeth and set his shoulders, mumbling nonsense words under his breath just loud enough for the pair to hear as he eyed both the men. That was enough. They dropped their makeshift weapons and fled. When they were gone, Spike all but fell off laughing, “Oh Midnight that was awesome.”

“Be that as it may, we gotta get out of here incase they come back.” Midnight was almost shaking.

“I suppose I’d better tell Twilight, can’t be having ruffians like that scaring away the customers.”

“Where’d you learn to bluff like that?” Midnight asked as they hot-hoofed it back to the centre.

“Bluff nothing, you could take ‘em, but those stories? Long story itself. Back in Ponyville there was this unicorn filly called Trixie, she liked to show off a lot. One day, Twilight...”

They headed back to the Conversion Bureau, Midnight’s task complete.

***

Before the pair could head through the doors, they were almost bowled over by a blue-and-rainbow blur speeding out the other way, Rainbow Dash had her pilots goggles on and was moving at breakneck speed. She spun around them and did a barrel roll before pulling up short and hovering in front of them, “Oh dammit!” Dash looked conspiratorially left and right, “You...you won’t tell on me will you? I’ve been cooped up in there for days and my wings are gonna shrivel off if I don’t see some action! Tell Twi’ ya missed me. Later stud.” She disappeared into the air humming, “getting off the reservation, yeah-la la la laaa la...skippin’ out on Twilight, oh-yeah haha haa haa...”

Midnight and Spike exchanged glances and headed in.

“Did you see Rainbow Dash?” asked Rarity, innocently, once again working at the reception, “we sent her out to find you, you were getting distressingly close to missing your appointment.”

“I...er...must’ve missed her.”

“There are lots of windows you know,” said Twilight with a smug smile, “but we don’t need Dash, we need you. Celestia wants to see you and you need to start your orientation.”

“What’s a Celestia?”

Twilight hung her head, “Nopony told him? Anypony? No? I swear, first and last time...Celestia. Princess Celestia. She’s our ruler.”

“Wait...I thought I heard Princess Luna mentioned? Don’t you have a queen?”

“No, we don’t have any queens. Just two princesses. Celestia is the elder of the two and raises the sun every morning. Luna is the younger, and raises the moon.”

“But...the sun and moon...” Midnight made circular motions with his hooves.

“It’s complicated,” said Twilight finally, “but more importantly, you’ll be late if you don’t get ready now.”

“Late for what?” Midnight stepped backwards, unsure at all the sudden smiles.

“You’re being shipped outta here, silly! To Equestria!” Pinkie bounced in, “As much as we just love having a newfoal around, our replacements are coming and we’re starting to get enquiries.” Pinkie bounced happily again, and then skidded to a stop, “The only problem is I never had the chance for a party.”

“Aww, Pinkie Pie, we can party some other time, I’m sure.”

“Oh that’s right! You’re headed to Ponyville! I shouldn’t have looked but I peeked! Promise you’ll stay long enough? I get a week off of greeting newfoals and arranging rebirthday parties and stuff and I’d just love a chance to give you a party too!”

Midnight wasn’t sure he could withstand that much party, but he nodded. Rarity was next saying goodbye. She simply gave him a quick neck-hug and sniffed quietly. Pinkie Pie kissed him on the nose and Fluttershy squeaked something that sounded like ‘goodbye’. Spike hugged a leg, and scampered off.

“I know Dash’ll be mad, but she made her choice.” said Twilight, sadly.

“You shouldn’t keep her cooped up here that much, Twilight,” said Midnight gently, remembering the glow the pegasus had had when flitting about freely in the air, “we each need to be in our own element.”

“If you’ve learnt that, Midnight, then you really do need to visit Equestria. Come on, out the back to the loading bay. Follow me please. Our other convert is already waiting.”

“Other convert? Bu-but I thought I was the first one?”

“You were, but not the only. We just finished with him.”

“Him? Oh no, you didn’t...he didn’t...”

“They did. Check it out I’m a pony! I don’t get why I like it, but I like it! And double-check it, cutie-mark!”

Midnight looked, there on the flank of the light-brown earth pony with the dark-brown mane and dark, deep eyes, was a fedora. A fedora with an old-fashioned press-pass sticking out the brim no less. It was then that something clicked; stars, balloons, lightning bolts, butterflies - they all had marks on their flanks. He turned to his own in disappointment, he was still the same blank dark purple-blue he had been before, “but...how...”

“We don’t know, to be honest. I’ve never seen another newfoal pop out with a cutie-mark. Some don’t take long, but this guy...it was just there.”

“That’s obvious,” said the pony, “a pony’s cutie-mark reflects his life’s ambition, his life’s work.”

“And you know what yours is.” said Midnight, raising an eyebrow and flicking his ears.

“Damn straight, kid. I’m a reporter. Always was, always will be. funny thing though, they haven’t made these things in...it’s gotta be close on a hundred years?” He pointed with his hoof at the fedora and then back at Twilight, “did I put it there? Did they?”

Twilight smiled, “Something to ask when you get to Equestria. Your carriage awaits.”

A large animal-transport truck pulled up, belching smoke. It was a diesel, converted long ago to run on bio-fuel but never really patched up. Diesel was cheap and easy to produce; for all the laws enacted around consumer vehicles, diesel was one of the few remaining fuels able to cope with long haul trips with significant freight.

When the engine turned off, the large, sturdy tailgate was eased down and in the murky darkness was heard a stamping of hooves and the swishing of tails, “I know it’s not the best, but...we’re trying to make you incognito for as long as possible. Newfoals are still rare enough that you could get swamped. Just your car being parked here the other day, Midnight, was enough to alert the local media...they must have had a...thingy...”

“A botnet?” asked Midnight, glancing at the earth pony, who nodded imperceptibly.

“One of them things. As much as we’re pleased you decided to join us, we want your transition to be smooth - and being mobbed at every rest-stop between here and Equestria won’t do at all.”

“So we’re travelling with normal terran ponies?”

“We’re not all normal terran ponies in here.” came a new voice, and a yellowish-orange pegasus pony stepped carefully out of the back of the truck, stretching her wings, her dark red mane and tail glistening in the light, the orange streaks catching in the sun, “Hi! Are you two both newfoals like me and Ad..I mean Cobalt, here? I mean it’s pretty hard to tell.”

A dark-grey, slate-grey even, earth-pony with a jet black mane and deep hazel-brown eyes also stepped into the light, looking around with interest. It soon faded when he realised that one loading bay was much like the other. Midnight noted that neither had cutie-marks, it made him feel a little bit better. He had started to feel awkward being the only one with a blank flank.

“Cobalt?” asked Midnight, snapping out of his reverie, “but...you’re not blue.”

Cobalt gave Midnight an embarassed look and stomped back into the truck, “I thought it was neat.” he said from the shadows.

“Come on, let’s move out.”

Midnight, the reporter who still hadn’t given his name, if he even has one yet, mister ‘I got a cutie-mark in ten seconds flat’, thought Midnight to himself, and the two new ponies made themselves as comfortable as possible on the ample straw in the close, equine-filled darkness and tried to relax as the vehicle moved off.

Four by four, Four on the Floor

Midnight’s Tail

Part 3 - Four by Four, Four on the Floor

***

An MLP:FiM fanfic by Midnight Shadow

Thanks to: Chistery, Roy, Blaze, Pride, Peachy Punch and all my readers and editors :3

Set in Blaze’s “Conversion Bureau” universe

Original: Equestria Daily - Conversion Bureau

***

“We’re on the road again, travellin’ places that we’ve never been...” sang Peachy Punch tunelessly as she looked out the back of the truck wistfully.

“Oh shush.” said Cobalt, “you’ve been reciting that damn ditty for the last three hours straight.”

“You’re only mad, Cobalt,” said Peachy, “because you don’t know the words.”

“Neither do you! And maybe my name’s not Cobalt any more. Maybe it’s...maybe it’s...”

“Come on guys,” said Midnight, “we’re all ponies here. No need to be at each other’s throats.”

Peachy Punch hummed the same tune, or tried to, until Cobalt stared at her. She stuck her tongue out, “I’m just so bored,” said Peachy, “I want to stretch my wings! I want to feel grass beneath my hooves, not filthy straw.”

“It wouldn’t be filthy if you could contain yourself!” hissed Cobalt.

“Hey! It’s not my fault I get car-sick! Besides, it’s not all me, it’s those...those natives over there. They don’t seem to care where they go...”

“They’ve never had to,” mused Midnight, “it’s not like you can blame them. I don’t think it matters so much to Equestrians either.”

“Well forgive me if I don’t just-”

“My little ponies! You’re at it again! Chill! Why can’t you be more like mister frontpage over there?” Midnight pointed with a hoof at the reporter, so far nameless, who was snoring loudly curled up like he’d been a pony all his life.

“Because I hate car rides, I hate hay and I hate ponies.” grumped Cobalt.
Midnight blinked, even Peachy Punch looked upset, “but...why? Why did you go through with ponification if you hate ponies?”

Cobalt looked at the ground as the truck swayed and mumbled something.

“I...I didn’t quite hear that.” Midnight said.

“I don’t hate ponies, okay! I said being an earth pony sucks! I don’t get wings, I don’t get magic. I lost my thumbs. What the hell does that make me?”

“It makes you a pony, dude. A pony like the rest of us. Whatever makes you you, it made you an earth-pony. I mean come on, you’re gorgeous!” said Peachy Punch, before realising what she’d said and blushing furiously, “I mean...”

“You really think so?” asked Cobalt, looking himself over.

“I mean, sure...the lights pretty bad in here so that may have something to do with i- OW!”

Midnight flicked Peachy with his tail, “Tell him the truth.”

Peachy looked intently at the ceiling, then the walls, then swirled a hoof around idly and mumbled, “You...you look pretty neat. For a pony. Which I am too, and, uh...”

Cobalt opened his mouth to say something, and then shut it again. He finally bent his head to one of the water troughs and took a loud slurp trying to hide the blush. Just then the van rocked to a stop and Cobalt ended up coughing and spluttering. After a few moments of the engine being shut off and the doors opened and slammed, the rear tail-gate was let down and daylight flooded the compartment.

“You guys want to come out? Stretch your legs? Union rules when transporting livestock - sorry - we have a half hour break every few hours. If you think you can get yourselves and the other ponies back in you can come out for a trot around the corral.”

Midnight was the first to poke his head out, joined pretty quickly by Peachy Punch and Cobalt. It was getting crowded on the loader-ramp so Midnight turned, to find a whole stampede of ponies rushing towards him. He flinched and suddenly there was a bright blue flash. What appeared to be a soap-bubble surrounded the trio of pastel ponies, and the normal ponies which were rushing past were flowing around them harmlessly. It was over in seconds and the soap-bubble burst, Midnight fell to his knees breathing heavily.

“What was..? How did you..? What did you do?”

“I...I don’t know! I’m a unicorn, I did magic, I guess! I...I just...did it. They were coming right for us and I panicked...”

Cobalt cocked his head, “What does it feel like?”

Midnight licked his lips and peered at his horn, eyes crossing, “Like a headache that doesn’t hurt. Like pumping iron, sort of. It’s...kind of like a hand you don’t have, you can feel what it does but not what it is.” He stood up again, breathing heavily, he felt very strange and right now needed nothing more than breathing space.

“You okay?” asked Peachy Punch, nudging the dazed unicorn with a hoof.

“Yeah, I’m just pooped. I don’t think I’m cut out for doing magic. It feels like I just ran a marathon.”

“But unicorns...don’t they do magic all the time?”

“I dunno, I get the feeling only some of us are good at magic magic, like only if it’s your talent, your cutie-mark you know? The rest of us...I think it’s just a sideline.”

“That’s stupid,” said Peachy Punch, “that’s like a pegasus that can’t fly.”

“No, no, he’s got a point,” said Cobalt, tapping his mouth with a hoof, “humans can all run, right? But very few of them are olympic sprinters or joggers. Flying is what you do if you’re a pegasus, magic is what you are when you’re a unicorn. Or something.”

“Guess we’re not so different then, huh? Peachy’s the lucky one, she can fly.”

“I wish. I got flight-school one-oh-one but I’m still a newfoal.”

“Can I quote you guys on that?” asked the reporter-pony, looking disgustingly well rested and collected as he walked up behind them.

Midnight snorted, “already out to score the big scoop huh?”

The reporter rolled his eyes, “Don’t be so cynical, this was all your idea, if you recall. My life is the big scoop! This is fantastic! I love being a pony!”

The reporter whinnied happily and galloped flat-out into the fenced-off field where he shot off at breakneck speed around the perimeter, causing another mini-stampede with the ‘normal’ ponies.

“I think I hate him.” said Midnight, scowling, jealous of the ease with which the reporter was taking to having hooves and a tail.

“Cheer up, sport,” said Peachy Punch, flicking her tail at him and grinning, “kick back a little, stretch your legs. You’re too busy brooding if you ask me. You’re a pony now! You can eat grass, run like the wind, live where you please.” Peachy trotted off happily, bucking her hind hooves and flicking her tail and wings with laughter, finally chasing after the reporter for the fun of it. Spreading her wings she hopped and skipped into the air experimentally, bouncing off the fence and almost crashing into the ground before recovering and trying again. Midnight smiled despite himself.

“She’s something, ain’t she?” asked Cobalt

“Mmmhm.” said Midnight, not really listening.

“You think somepony like her could...like somepony like me?”

“I..wait, what? She’s a pony!”

Cobalt snorted and flicked a tail. Midnight’s rump was getting sore from all the attention, “If you haven’t noticed, so am I. So are you! Those slim legs...such dainty hooves. And her wings...I could get lost in those wings. But...do pegasus and earth-ponies..?”

Midnight blinked, “I...I guess so? I mean there was this pegasus, back at the bureau...Rainbow something. Same hair as mine. She was pretty cute.”

“You sly dog. What happened?”

Midnight blushed, “I...I kinda turned her down. It felt weird, thinking about a pony like that...”

“You’re going to be one lonely pony if you don’t get over it. Come on, I’ll race ya.”

They ran. They raced. They bucked. It was great to be out in the fresh air. It amused them no end that it was the humans that had to clean out their stalls whilst they had to do naught but run and play in the sunshine. They finally stopped, as a group, just standing and watching the world go by in the few minutes they had left. The reporter dropped his head to the side of the enclosure and cropped at some grass.

“Eew...” said Midnight.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it,” said the reporter, “it’s pretty good, I doubt the lead content will hurt.”

“I’ll take your word for it, uh...say, what do we call you anyway?”

The reporter chewed thoughtfully and swallowed, “I haven’t come up with a name yet. Whatever it is...bam...frontpage. Above the fold.”

“Frontpage?” asked Peachy Punch, trotting closer, “Suits you.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Suits you though.”

“Frontpage? Frontpage. Huh. Well alrighty then.”

They mingled, Midnight couldn’t help but notice that Cobalt was keeping the other natives - their word for normal Terran ponies - away from Peachy. He wasn’t sure if Cobalt knew it himself yet, but a small smile played on his lips.

“Look Daddy! Horsies!” came a voice, a small girl, maybe six, maybe seven - Midnight realised he was finding it hard to judge ages in humans, not that he’d ever been good at it.

“You wanna go see the horsies, princess?” asked a gruff voice, and Midnight watched as a heavy-set man gently pushed his little girl towards the fence separating their world from his. She had a bunch of weeds - no, tasty hors d’oeuvres he corrected himself - and was hopefully holding them out, trying to catch the attention of the wary natives whilst he watched with less than half an eye. Midnight wandered over thoughtfully, it was strange, like looking in a fun-house mirror. She smiled and waved them at him. He bent carefully and plucked a few from her unresisting fingers, chewing slowly.

Neither she nor her father realised what the ponies really were despite his odd colouration and pearly horn, Midnight guessed that the ponies from Equestria just weren’t common enough yet for the pair to put two and two together, but still...

“Buh bye pony!” called the girl and stroked Midnight’s nose. He nickered softly as the pair left, the daughter hoisted onto her father’s shoulders. Midnight waved a hoof goodbye, the girl’s eyes went round as saucers, but Midnight turned quickly with a grin and trotted away before she could alert her father.

Midnight trotted back to the van where the other ponies were following Cobalt, who had somehow managed to make himself their de-facto herd-leader despite his obvious disdain for them. Midnight laughed to himself as the tail-gate was raised and the great heavy engine started up again. With a final two slaps on the back from the navigator, they were off.

They made several stops and drove on into the night. It was tiring, it was cramped - he was sure it would have been worse on any other load with natives - and they had little to pass the time. Not even tying the strings from bales of hay to the walls to create makeshift instruments couldn’t relieve the boredom.

Finally they stopped for the night, they were about an hour from their destination but union rules were union rules, and backed up by union people. Things would get ugly if rules weren’t stuck to, so they pulled over.

Peachy had had enough of the van. Cobalt, with a streak of chivalry a mile wide, decided to sleep outside with her. Midnight was jealous, both of them had the hang of the whole ‘sleeping standing up’ deal. He didn’t know how they managed it. It irked him even more that Frontpage just curled up without a second thought and drifted off.

Insomnia. He hated it. He’d spent the whole day doing nothing. That was the problem. He’d not imagined that ponies could have the same problem.

“Maybe I’ll just...go for a run. Yeah. S’not cold, air quality is better near the coast...”

He clopped carefully down the ramp and ambled past the herd. Cobalt and Peachy seemed to be sleeping with their necks entwined, Peachy’s wing over the earth-pony somewhat protectively. Midnight snorted, just as long as none of the natives followed him he’d be fine. The ones that weren’t dozing didn’t seem too interested. Herdmind behaviour had them, breaking from the group was a taboo.

Further into the countryside was just scrub and brushland, the moon wasn’t full but the sky was clear. He picked up his pace, from a basic trot, to a canter and finally to a full gallop. As his hooves flew over the uneven ground he exulted in a sense of freedom he’d never experienced before. Why, he wondered to himself, had he never felt like this before? His friends had often spoken of just how good they felt after a run. He hadn’t believed them. Now, grudgingly, he did.

When he ran out of scrub and found himself nearing another road he reluctantly slowed back down to a walk. He was breathing heavily but wasn’t winded. He felt alive, he felt-

His ears pricked up, something was wrong. He trotted up and down the roadside, out of sight of the traffic, flashing his tail unconsciously. He couldn’t get the idea out of his head that something or someone was...

A rope flashed out of the darkness and looped over his head, pulling tight against his neck. He reared up instinctively and kicked first his front legs and then hind hooves as he pulled against the taught cable. He was caught fast! He pulled hard, hard as he could, but it only tightened the noose. It wasn’t strangling him, not that it mattered through his panic, but it was restricting his breathing. He saw stars, stumbled, fell. In moments they were on him, three men - he assumed they were men from their deep voices - holding him down, fighting to keep his legs in check as a fourth, the rope-wielder, made a quick but effective bridle. They hobbled him with two more ropes and then a greasy hand twisted his ear and a harsh voice said, “I’m going to get off now, trigger, and you’re going to get up, real slow and easy.”

They did so and, awkwardly, Midnight got to his feet. He hadn’t spoken yet, but they forced his hoof.

“We’re going to take a little walk, just the five of us. We’ve got a van waiting that’s big enough for you and your other little friend we found all alone in that big old trailer.”

“You better not hurt him,” said Midnight, clearing his throat, “You must know what this horn means. I can turn you inside out at a moments notice.”

The man stopped and turned, flashing a piece in the moonlight secreted in a jacket pocket, “a moment’s all I’ll need to put a bullet through your brain.”

“Just so we understand each other,” Midnight gambled, “it’s just me an him with a bunch of natives, hiding us out on the way to Equestria, trying to avoid people like you obviously.”

“Aye, we got your friend. You didn’t do too good a job.”

They walked him slowly and carefully, surrounded on all sides by a solemn quiet figure, until they reached a van much like the one he’d been travelling in, but a good deal smaller. Just about big enough for two full-sized horses, or two ponies and two guards. Midnight flicked his tail in anger as he noted Frontpage - that’s who he assumed it was in the now near-pitch black night lit only occasionally by passing cars and a very dim flashlight brandished by one of the thugs - hobbled, hooded and tied to a stumpy tree.

“FP, it’s me, we’re safe...kinda.”

“Midnight, that you?”

“Yeah, they got me too. They left the natives all back there, it was us two they wanted.” he prayed Frontpage would get the hint and not mention the other two transformees.

“That’s right my little ponies, and now the whole gang is here we’re going to move very slowly and carefully into the van. Don’t make with any funny stuff, you got me?”

“Crystal,” said Frontpage, “I’ve been taken hostage before. I know the drill. We’ll co-operate, for now. Where are you taking us?”

“If you don’t shut up it’ll be the glue factory, but you’re in luck. We want to go to Equestria.”

Midnight blinked, he’d had the short, short version of the talk from Twilight Sparkle the purple unicorn the day before, and whilst it seemed like forever ago the memory was still fresh and clear. Humans couldn’t go to Equestria, it just wasn’t possible. Didn’t these idiots know that?

“Now now, I’ve heard all the talk about the shield, keeping us out, but the way I see it that’s bullshit. They’ve given you a code to let you in, some way to lower the shield. We want it. I hear there’s gold in ancient dragon’s caves, diamonds in the rivers, riches just for the taking, you damned ponies don’t need any of it, and we want our fair share.”

Midnight thought quickly and opened his mouth, but Frontpage beat him to it, “How...how did you know about the code? We, we weren’t supposed to tell it to anypony! It’s a secret!”

“Oh we have our ways,” said the ringleader, signaling to his men to finish up and move out. By now the two ponies were in the trailer-section, cowering on the floor, still hobbled and Frontpage atleast was hooded, unable to see. The van moved off at speed, into the night.

Not much was being said. Every so often Midnight would touch Frontpage with a mouth to his mane to let him know he was still there, and the earth pony would flick a tail in response. The men behind them were sat down, warily watching the two pastel equines.

Midnight tried to engage them in conversation, all the while listening out for rescue, “How do you plan to get to Equestria? I mean it’s...it’s way out in the ocean! That shield is the only non-guarded and perfect no-fly-zone on the planet. It even screws with our satellites since it’s grown so big.”

“Quiet, we don’t fraternize with livestock.”

“You’ll have to if you want that code,” said Frontpage, lifting his head blindly and staring about through the blindfold, attempting to catch even a glimpse of his captors, “We can’t just give it to you, and they’ll know if we’re harmed or injured. You touch us, you’ll never get in.”

“That’s as maybe, but we’re almost there. No funny business. You transmit that code, we slip through, and maybe we’ll let you live.”

“Just...just don’t hurt us.” said Frontpage.

The van sped up, “We’re close, boss.” said the driver, leaning to the grill, “first roadblock’s ahead.”

“Good, it guarded?”

“Naa, those dumb fuckers don’t bother. Sweetness and light, they are.”

The van rocked as it broke through a flimsy barrier. Midnight twitched. He was a unicorn, for all he was a newfoal. The barrier was big, quite possibly the biggest single force of magic on the planet, and they were drawing ever closer with every second. His heart began to tingle, an uncomfortable feeling like static washed over him, he could swear his fur was standing on end and wouldn’t have been surprised had blue sparks shot from his nostrils.

“Guys, stop...I...I can’t get you through the shield.”

There was a second crash and the van lurched, they’d gone over wheel-spikes, puncturing the tyres. The van began to lurch left and right, throwing the two ponies about.

“What the fuck do you mean, metwurst? Are you fucking us about?”

“I mean there’s no fucking code, man, it’s bullshit. I can’t take you through.”

“You’ll take us, or your friend is dogmeat.”

Midnight gasped, “No! No! Please! Okay, okay!” he was frantic now, the triumphant look on the thug’s face as he brandished the firearm was manic, he was capable of anything. Midnight took a deep breath, “Okay Frontpage, just like we rehearsed it. I...I’ll do the opening spell, okay? You have to help me...I...I’m going to start glowing now, that’s normal, it-it’s the spell, doing it’s thing.”

The uncomfortable static-cling feeling was making him feel sick and nauseous, but he welcomed it. With every passing second they neared the shield, he would have to be quick enough but not too quick. He closed his eyes and started concentrating, breathing deep. Just remember, he told himself, remember what it was like in the van before, with the stampede. His horn started glowing, which elucidated a string of swear words and a gun cocking.

“Please stop,” said Midnight, straining, “I told you, this is normal. What can I possibly do to you, huh? You’re sitting there with a gun...”

Please, please, please, thought Midnight, let me be right. Aloud, he said, “Okay Frontpage, close your eyes, this is going to get a bit bumpy...”

Push the field, feel the invislble hand, reach out, take a breath, push more... it was quite unlike anything he had ever done before, and he wasn’t sure he could make it last long enough, he had no idea how far away they were, how fast they were travelling, quite what would...

He gasped almost in pain, the shield, that mammoth magical construct was mere metres away, “hold on Frontpage, the shit’s about to hit-”

The van lurched and Midnight instinctively squeezed his eyes tight shut as inside his head fireworks went off. It felt like the world was turned inside out as the van intercepted the leading edge of the shield. It took him a few moments to realize that the vertigo wasn’t all his imagination as four hollow explosions rocked the van and he felt it tip over at speed, tumbling through the air with a sickening velocity. He and Frontpage were thrown roughly around and around as the van tumbled, his magical shield somewhat protecting them from the worst of the impacts as finally, mercifully, the van came to rest on it’s side with a solid and final-sounding crunch. The strength left the dazed unicorn and his shield flickered and failed, and he passed out.

Nopony moved for a good ten seconds, there were no sounds from the wrecked van but ragged breathing in the strangely foggy, wet air before the earth pony called out, “Midnight? You alive?”

“I don’t think it’d hurt this much if I weren’t.”

“I think we’ve stopped. I can’t see, what did you do?” Frontpage was struggling to get up in the strangely slick, topsy-turvy world of semi-darkness.

“Magic, I did magic,” said the exhausted unicorn, “I can barely move, I’d hoped it would have gotten easier...ow...I think I cracked a rib...”

“Can you get this hood off?”

“I can try...”

Midnight bit at the cloth, ripped and pulled until the earth-pony got himself free. He whistled through his teeth, “Keep your eyes closed and breath carefully through your nose, I’ll get us out.”

The van was wrecked and ominously silent. The inside of the van was strangely slick and warm, like sitting in a steam room - only cooler. Frontpage felt his hooves slipping and sliding as they lacked purchase, but he finally found the back door of the van and using lips but grimacing at the wet, lukewarm metallic taste, he tried to ease back the bolts. They wouldn’t budge so he set himself as firmly as he could and bucked until something gave, whereupon he forced himself out into the faint sunlight of early morning, turning around and pulling Midnight by the rope between his backlegs until he too fell out into the road.

Midnight spat and opened his eyes. For a brief moment his vision settled on the inside of their recent mobile prison before turned his head and retched.

“Get...let’s get this shit off, let’s get away from here.”

When Midnight felt he could stomach the sight, he did so, not using magic - he wasn’t sure if he could right now - instead his horn and teeth to tear off the now-slick ropes.

The inside of the van was red, like it had been spray-painted with ketchup, more oozing through the badly-dented partition wall between the drivers’ compartment and the stock compartment. The rear walls were dented also, like two large objects had impacted the walls and ceiling.

“that’s them, isn’t it?”

Midnight, turning green, said softly, “I think so. The shield’s not just for show. It let us through, it let the van through...”

“But not the humans.”

When the van had barrelled through the barrier, it had done its job simply and effectively. No living human could pass through the barrier. The van hadn’t been so impeded, neither had the ponies, and finally it came down to a classic application of force. When the hapless humans had attempted to gain entry, the shield had resisted their forward motion and the van hadn’t let them stop. The result was chunky human salsa, and the two ponies were covered in it. Midnight threw up again and dropped to his knees, spitting the taste of blood and pureed person out. The uncomfortably-warm concoction was rapidly starting to smell like a charnel house, not to mention cool off and mat his fur.

“I’ve...I’ve gotta get this off...oh shit...oh fuck me...” Midnight was beginning to hyperventilate, which didn’t help.

“Shh, Midnight, calm, calm down. It’s okay, you did what you had to do. You tried to warn them and you couldn’t have stopped either them or the shield. It’ll be a short walk down the road to the beach if I remember the route they showed us, it’s not far, come on, you can make it.”

Midnight got up, breathing hard, unsteady on legs that felt like rubber, slick with gore, and the pair walked down the hill around the short bend in the road. The hill was steep and ended rather abruptly with the sound of surf. The water was cold but not freezing as they waded in, submerging themselves in the ocean, renewing their spirits as it washed off their pelts.

Midnight stepped out and shook himself dry to stand shivering and steaming in the early morning sun, his first sunrise in Equestria. He just wished it hadn’t taken a blood sacrifice to make it a reality. He idly wondered where Peachy and Cobalt were, they were going to be frantic...

Off the Beaten Track

Midnight’s Tail

Part 4 - Off the Beaten Track

Thanks to: Chistery, Roy, Blaze, Pride, Peachy Punch and all my readers and editors :3

Set in Blaze’s “Conversion Bureau” universe

Original: Equestria Daily - Conversion Bureau

***

Peachy groaned and shook her head at the insistent prodding, opening tired eyes and blinking them several times. It wasn’t even morning! It was pitch black!

“Wha’? What?”

“Wake up, lass, we’ve got problems. You too my good pony.” The voice was one of the two drivers, carrying a lantern and gingerly yet insistently shaking Cobalt until he too woke up from his slumber. Peachy stretched her wings right out, and then her forehooves and back legs one by one, followed by her tail. She creaked. Sleeping upright was going to take some getting used to. Then her brain registered what she was being told, “Wait, problems? What problems?”

“Your two friends are gone, but I don’t think they went for a walkabout.”

“Gone? Whaddaya mean ‘gone’?”

Cobalt blinked in the lantern-light and trotted over to the van, sniffing, “I’m no bloodhound, but there were humans here, in addition to you two.” added Cobalt,

“You can smell that?” asked Peachy, raising an eyebrow.

“Nope. I can feel the tracks. Just one of the advantages of no shoes. It’s quite muddy here thanks to the natives.”

“Oh shit...what do we do? I mean, they can’t be horse-rustlers! They’d have taken everypony! You...you two,” Peachy waved a hoof at the driver and then at the van, where another shape was on the radio.

“Bud,” said the man, “and my little brother Larry.”

“Bud, thanks, did you see anything?”

“I didn’t see anything, I was asleep in the cab, ponies make quite a lot of noise, I didn’t think nothing of it at first. Whoever it was, they were pretty quick and silent, and they knew what they were after.”

“They didn’t get me and Cobalt...”

“I don’t know, maybe they didn’t know you were there. Maybe they expected ponies like you to sleep inside.”

“I’ll get the natives, guys, they seem to like me.” said Cobalt, and he set off coralling the ponies. Peachy went with Bud to talk to Larry.

“...That’s affirmative, we have a situation here. Get Central to take a peek into the traffic tonight, see if it can dredge anything local that looks odd...yes, comms are up, I see it updating now...” Larry was talking to the hands-free and punching keys on a laptop mounted on the dashboard, it doubled as a GPS routing device as well as the communications station for the archaic vehicle they were using.

Peachy craned her neck to see, but Bud pulled down a wheelchair access ramp and gestured to it. With a flutter of feathers, Peachy found herself rising into the air up to the cabin. She stepped in gingerly with a clatter of hooves, her bulk just about fitting in the space. Poking her muzzle through the middle, she could see out and see the screen, “What’s that dot?”

“That dot, Miss, is a suspicious horse-trailer that’s been empty up until now. Central reckons it took on either one large horse or two smaller ponies very recently, very near to us.”

“Midnight and Frontpage!”

“That your two friends?”

“Indeed. I’m Peachy Punch by the way, shake!” Peachy held out a hoof which the driver smiled at and took immediately, “that’s Cobalt back there.”

Two solid bangs came from the back, and Cobalt called, “They’re all in, close the hatch!”

Bud pushed a button and the ramp lifted up, Larry went around the back to secure it. A few moments later he hopped back up into the cabin and Bud started the engine.

A smile lit up Peachy’s face as she started humming, “We’re on the road again, dum de dum de dum, travelling places that I’ve never been...”

Larry laughed, “That’s not how it goes...hang on...”

The van lit up with the stirring tones of Willie Nelson at the push of a button,

On the road again -

Just can't wait to get on the road again.

The life I love is making music with my friends

And I can't wait to get on the road again.

On the road again,

Goin' places that I've never been.

Seein' things that I may never see again..

Peachy’s eyes lit up, “I haven’t heard this in forever!”

The pair sang in an awful off-key rendition barely in time with the music as Bud took them out onto the highway as urgently as possible, crooning face to muzzle the final lines and laughing heartily.

“We needed some travelling music on this excellent adventure. Now, let’s see where our friends are going...”

“Looks like the shield, what in tarnation are they up to?”

“I don’t know, but we’re not going to be able to catch them before they hit it.”

The chase sped on towards the coast, and the morning.

***

Midnight was still shaking himself dry when a cry came from above, “LOOK OUT BELOW!”

A yellow-orange streak of colour with a red mane and tail was whirring two wings inexpertly as fast as she could. Flying didn’t seem to be a problem, as such, but landings looked to be difficult.

Midnight ducked instinctively as the large four-legged, two-winged shape dropped out of the sky like a brick and impacted with the water, hooves first. A great wave splashed over both Midnight and Frontpage. Midnight spat the salt water out and sighed, he’d almost been dry. Stepping back in to the frigid waters, he headed for the coughing, spluttering shape. He gripped a wing firmly but carefully in his teeth and pulled steadily towards the shore until the half-drowned pegasus could stand, where she hopped out and shook herself dry.

Midnight sighed again, and shook his head to get the water out of his ears. Again. Peachy had the good manners to look slightly recalcitrant at least.

She spoke, “What happened to you guys? One minute Cobalt and I were asleep and the next thing I know I’m being shaken awake by our drivers - they’re Bud and Larry by the way, funny how I never thought to get their names earlier...”

“We were kidnapped, Peachy, damn fools wanted to get to Equestria. Without ponification. Where’s Cobalt?”

As if in answer, with a clatter of hooves, the slate-grey earth-pony rounded the bend and barely stopped short in a cloud of dust, breathing hard, covered in sweat but otherwise none the worse for wear, “Midnight, Frontpage, you two okay?”

Midnight shook his head in awe, “I want to know how you found us, how you got here so fast! It was pitch black!”

Peachy Punch smiled, “I guess human technology is good for some stuff eh? Whoever those guys were they weren’t very intelligent. Larry just asked the road system for any vehicles capable of transporting horses or ponies in the area and lucked out! I was sure that was you. We double-timed it until the shield and then they sent me an’ Cobalt for recon. I...I hadda fly! Hey holy shit I was flying! I didn’t even think! I just went for it!”

“You still don’t have landings down yet though, huh?” Frontpage grinned.

Peachy looked embarassed, Cobalt spoke up, “She’ll get them, just like Midnight his magic. What happened? I saw the wreck on the way down...”

Peachy breathlessly explained about their trip, about how they’d found the tracks, located what they sincerely hoped was the kidnappers and Midnight and Frontpage, and finally about how she and Cobalt had been sent through the shield once they’d reached it.

The four were walking back up the hill, Midnight pointed to the van with it’s interesting interior decour, “That’s where they ended up.”

Cobalt and Peachy both made faces, Midnight shook his head sadly, “Suffice to say they wont be bothering us any more. Well here we are, the shield’s just ahead, I can see our two friends leaning on it.”

Peachy looked with wide eyes at the empty air and then back to Midnight before trotting forwards and waving her hooves in the air experimentally, “You can see the shield?”

Midnight nodded, “Yeah, can’t you? I thought...I thought everypony could see it?”

“Maybe it’s just unicorns. Maybe it’s just you. Where is it?”

Midnight trotted past Peachy, who blushed and stopped waving her hoof about in the air as he stopped just shy of the border. It was so large that it almost seemed to go directly up, a shimmering wall that looked somewhat like a soap-bubble, fragile and indistinct as if it would burst at any moment. He knew differently; to those things not able to pass through it, it was an impenetrable barrier. Two men with a familiar van were on the other side, leaning against it.

“How are they...ooohhh, that looks freaky.’

“Not from where I’m standing,” said Midnight, “but I guess it looks weird to you. Guys! We must have given you quite the scare!”

They straightened and waved happily at the sight of all four of their charges. Bud, the eldest of the two, touched his hand to a cap, “Aye that you did. Twilight would’ve given us hell if we’d lost any of you. Made it safely then?”

“We did, thank you gentlemen.”

Midnight and Frontpage explained, pointing back down the hill, about what had happened. It was mercifully out of sight but they wondered if it would ever be out of mind.

“What are you going to say to the authorities? I don’t want anything to cause trouble none for...for later.” said Bud finally.

“I’ll make sure to praise your swift actions. You weren’t to know and I don’t want this to happen again with less favourable results.” Midnight did a double take, “Say, what keeps you two on two legs?”

“Me? I made a promise to my ma and pa to look after my li’l bro here.”

“And I want to see more of the world before I leave it,” said the other, smiling, “best damn job in the world taking you li’l critters to Equestria. One day I’ll see it fer myself, but until I’m ready, we’ll keep helping those who are.”

***

The van had driven off to it’s next destination, Midnight just hoped that the natives could stand the travel. It had certainly frazzled his nerves, it would have even without the last few hours. Now they stood on the shores of a new world - quite literally - and waited.

Their wait was rewarded with a golden shape skimming low across the waves. What they first thought to be a boat turned out to be a large flying chariot with wheels pulled by four pegasus ponies in regal armour. It swooped around the bay twice and then came in for a landing in the surf. Inside was a smallish, dark blue shape - there was something odd about her which took Midnight a few moments to process, before he blurted out, “Winged unicorn!”

The dark blue winged unicorn smiled to herself, “Good morning, ponies. I am Luna-”

“You’re...from my dream...” said Midnight, jaw dropping, “you were on a throne with another pony like you, she was...bigger, different colours.”

Luna inclined her head, nodding, “My sister Celestia, we two are the rulers of Equestria, your princesses.”

“Our princesses?” squeaked Peachy Punch, “Do...do we need to swear allegiance or something? I mean...”

“Peachy,” said Luna smiling, and the pegasus blanched that this strange yet somehow familiar regal pony knew her name, “you accepted us into your heart didn’t you?”

Peachy nodded, as did Cobalt. Frontpage flicked his ears happily and Midnight inclined his head in a pony-nod.

Luna smiled, “And this...feels like home?”

Midnight had to admit, things felt somehow right, “Yes, Princess, I think it does.”

“Then it’s agreed!” Luna’s laugh filled the air like a thousand twinkling bells, “your carriage awaits, sons and daughters of Equestria.”

***

The charriot sped through the clouds, high up, as if it were a jet. He’d had trepidations at first of the capability of the pegasi soldiers to pull it, let alone make it fly, but after the smooth takeoff he just relaxed and went with it, “Magic.” he said idly.

“You see, don’t you?” said Luna quietly, “You’re a unicorn of some talent, forgive me but you do not...feel like a great mage, but you are a unicorn.”

“You mean my talent? My cutie mark, did you call it? Do you know what it is?”

“You don’t have one yet, but never fear, you will discover your true purpose. I see at least one of your group has.”

“You were speaking of magic?”

“Humans...you know why they can’t enter Equestria?”

“I...I thought the shield...”

Luna shook her head, “It is a manifestation of the differences between our two realms. Adult humans are...too in-tune with their own world. When you let our magic in to your heart, we offer you a piece of our realm. It’s up to you to accept it. We cannot force the change, it really is a gift, freely given.”

“It is magic then?”

“We have no other word for it,” Luna smiled, “You could argue metaphysics all day with our greatest thaumatists, we were delighted when we discovered your adherence to the scientific method, as you call it. Our realms just...work differently.”

They travelled the rest of the trip in silence. The ocean below, so blue and green, so pure, like nothing he had ever seen except in pictures. It tugged at his heart and lifted his spirits. Midnight felt joy rising in his blood, almost an audible song, as the ocean gave way to yellow beaches, to scrubland and finally to green and pleasant rolling hills. They were travelling fast, very fast. There was an itch between his eyes that told him the charriot and it’s fliers was magically enchanted but still he marvelled at it.

When the charriot swooped lower to come in for a landing he almost felt a pang of regret. They were landing in a decent-sized village, the architecture quaint and somehow recognizable. There were differences, but he recognized chairs, tables, streets, windows and doors. Luna stepped regally out from the back of the chariot and was all but assaulted by smiling happy ponies nuzzling and greeting her.

“Ah, my beloved subjects!” she cried, and cheers went up, wreathes of flowers were thrown into the air and several given to Peachy, Midnight and the gang.

“I want to welcome you to Ponyville, where you’ll be spending your time until you are done with your orientation.”

Midnight looked sideways at the smirking princess, “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m sending you to school.” A bell tolled in the distance, and a stream of eager young foals sped through the streets heading towards what had to be the schoolhouse, “and we’re just in time, hop along to class now! I’ll sort everything else out.”

***

Note: Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again” lyrics are, of course, from the great Willie Nelson. I know this was a shorter chapter, but it felt right. I’ll back back with part 5!

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Midnight’s Tail

Part 5 - Follow the Yellow Brick Road

***

Midnight walked through the streets dejectedly. Frontpage had disappeared in a flash, Peachy had been nabbed by the weather patrol and Cobalt had been offered apprentice-ship in half a dozen different earth-pony professions. He, on the other hand, had been ordered to school.

“We can’t have,” an official but friendly-sounding mayoral pony had said when he’d tried to get out of it, “a unicorn who doesn’t know how to be a unicorn. Besides, your group is the first to Ponyville and we haven’t quite got up to speed yet.”
He had followed the crowd of eager and not-so-eager schoolfoals. The tide led to a chirpy-looking buildng with a bell-tower and rows of shuttered windows, currently open to let in the warm spring morning. He stepped up the wide wooden steps and through the open door. There was a simple small hallway where he noted collections of school bags - pannier sacks - as well as raincoats, hats and boots. He felt, for the first time in a while, naked.

There was a door, he knocked on it gingerly with a hoof. To his dismay it swung easily open and he stood there swishing his tail nervously as every pair of eyes turned his way.

“And just what time do you call thi- ah,” the teacher-pony harrumphed and arranged her expression, “you must be...let me see...ah yes, Miss Midnight.”

“Mister,” coughed Midnight, to amused giggles and titters from the crowd of children.

“Ah yes,” said the teacher, adjusting spectacles, “modern times and all. Come in, come in. Class, I want you to welcome an addition to our fold, Mister Midnight Shadow. I’m Cheerilee by the way,” she called to him, before turning back to the class, “he’ll be staying with us and attending class for orientation - hooves up who knows what that is...”

They had sent him to school not to learn about Equestria as such, although basics like reading their script, geography and history would come in handy, but to learn how to be a unicorn. He was sat in the middle near the back, there were creaks behind him as foals tried to see around his bulk. He could barely sit in the chair. He was an adult! How come a stuffy teacher-pony in a pair of spectacles could make him feel like he was five again? He looked at the purple earth-pony with three flowers on her flank. Earth ponies might not have any obvious magic, he thought, but teachers certainly have something.

“Alright class, let’s try our hooves at some art. Pencils everypony!” intoned the teacher. Midnight lifted the pulpit lid with trepidation. There appeared to be a good deal of supplies underneath. He awkwardly took a sheet of paper and lipped a pencil. With dismay he noticed that all the foals had already starting sketching. He picked the pencil up in his teeth, it was tougher than an earth pencil but otherwise identical. He idly wondered how they made them - the paper was more like a scroll than the flat, uniform sheets he remembered so he suspected they were hoof-made.
He looked up, “Umm, what am I supposed to draw?” he ignored the giggles.

“How about for today you draw a self-portrait.” Cheerilee replied with a small smile.
Midnight’s heart sank. He put the tip of the pencil to the paper and dragged it across the parchment, after a few more he had made a passable pony-shape. He’d managed four legs, a head and a tail before he realised that he’d not drawn a human. He was feeling quite pleased with himself...until he looked about at the other childrens’ efforts. One in particular made him blush, his stick-figure of a roughly pony-shape was infantile at best, whereas almost right next to him was a light blue unicorn with the cutie-mark of a colour-mixing pallette, concentrating intently, her horn glowing as coloured chalk and pencils flew through the air and she sketched an amazingly detailed picture of the classroom. His heart sank again as she competently drew not only the entire class but also himself, with barely a glance for reference.
Cheerilee was trotting happily around the class nodding and encouraging; before he could stop her she took a long look at his picture, “Oh, that’s rather good for a first attempt! I think that deserves a gold star!”
He almost died when she rummaged around in a bag around her neck and brought out, yes, a sticky gold star which she affixed to it.

“Have you thought about using your magic?” she asked gently, Midnight shook his head, “well you should try!”
The teacher went back to her desk and he put the pencil down. He stared at it for a while and then closed his eyes.
Be the pencil, he thought to himself, feel it lifting into the air. Size matters not, and besides, it’s only a teeny little pencil...push it, lift it, feel it rising...do, or do not, there is no try...

“Mister Midnight, that’s quite enough of that!” said the teacher, knocking her table with her hoof impatiently, “I meant use your magic to draw, not float around the room like a balloon!”

“Huh?” he opened his eyes, his concentration broke and he dropped two feet back down the floor with a clatter, whereupon he fell off the chair. More giggling. He sighed, this wasn’t going well...

The bell rang for recess, and the tide of eager young foals swept him along with them into the schoolyard where he was swamped with questions,

“Is it true humans eat ponies? Do you still eat ponies?”

“I heard humans can fly, but none of the pictures I’ve seen had wings...”

“Dancer says you’ve got something wrong with you cos-”

“Strawberry Surprise! Hush!” an adult pony stemmed the tide, chastising one of the foals, “I’ll tell your mother on you if you talk like that, it’s not true and you know it, he’s just not been a pony for long! Even if he does have special needs...”
Midnight hung his head at renewed giggling.

“That’s not fair!” said a stubborn little voice, a pudgy little blue-green unicorn with a pair of scissors as his cutie-mark said, “That’s nothing to laugh at! We’re all special, he’s extra special since he’s a human! Only he’s a pony! But he used to be a human! A-a-and now he’s not!”

“Yeah you used ta be a human! That’s so cool!” said another voice, an orangey-brown unicorn with a distinct green mane said.

Midnight noticed that little guy had a snail as a cutie mark, “They really do come in all shapes and sizes, huh?” he said to himself.

“Uh-huh we do! Us unicorns gotta stick together, bro!” said the one he was going to call Snails - at least until he found out what the unicorn’s real name was.

“And you’re the coolest! I can’t manage anything like you did! Make me fly!”

“No me!”

Midnight smiled and closed his eyes, and concentrated like he had before. When he opened them, both unicorns were floating around in the breeze kicking their legs and whooping like loons.

“Mister Midnight,” said a familiar voice, and he cringed, dropping both unicorns to the floor in a heap, “you put Snips and Snails down this inst-” the teacher narrowed her eyes, “don’t think I didn’t see that! We do not levitate our classmates, even if they asked for it. Inside you three! Break’s over!”

Second period started just as painful as the first. It turned out he couldn’t read. Or write. Equestrian script was cursive, somewhat rune-like, and even though he could understand their speech, writing it was another matter. Cheerilee had intervened when she realised what the problem was, and had rapidly started drawing on the chalkboard a passable imitation of English, “Midnight speaks the way we do, but the written language is another talent - he might not know how to write in Equestrian, but he is quite capable of reading and writing his own language...now where was it...”
She brought out an old, beaten book; it was hard-bound and very old with faded print but gorgeous coloured drawings, these seemed to be made by hand.

“The Brothers Grimm,” said Midnight, and gently turned the pages with a hoof, as lightly as possible. He started reading ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ and was several sentences down when he stopped and looked up, the foals were all craning their necks to see.

“I think story time is in order, perhaps?” said the teacher, and pointed with a hoof to the back of the classroom. In moments, with the scraping of chairs and pulpits, the foals had cleared enough room in the corner for him to recline on some well-placed cushions and them to arrange themselves around him. Some, especially Snips and Snails, snuggled up to him. Others kept their distance, attempting to appear aloof. Everypony listened. He realised it felt pretty good.

He was just finished when the lunch-bell went and the tide of youthful energy incarnate on hooves dragged him out the door. He was halfway out of town following three young fillies who were talking incessantly about their adventures trying to find their cutie-marks when he spotted Cobalt coming the other way. It was then he realized he had absolutely no idea where he was going.

“Hey Midnight,” said Cobalt, ears perking up, “how’s your day been?”

“Just don’t ask. What’ve you been up to?”

“Trying my hooves at apple-bucking. I don’t think it’s for me, but the Apple family sure has some great cooking.”
One of the three, a yellow earth-pony with a bright red mane turned to the dark blue unicorn, “y’are comin’ to brunch ain’tcha?”

“I...er...I...”

The little earth pony looked up with the hugest, most sorrowful eyes he had ever seen. It was no good. Whatever plans he thought he’d had were toast, “yeah, sure, why not, if you’ll have me.”

There was bouncing. There was yelling. There were whoops of joy. Somehow they dragged him all the way to a farmhouse in the middle of what seemed to be an apple orchard, where a large table was being set by an orange earth-pony with a blond mane and a cowboy hat. He racked his brains, and came up with a name, “Let me guess,” he said, and the pony stopped short and looked at him, “you’re Applejack? Twilight sends her regards.”

“Well sirree that’s a fine howdy-do. If’n you don’t have the edge on me mister.”

“Midnight,” said Midnight, “a few days ago I was human, I think I met your friends at the Ponification Centre in my old home town.”

The pony whooped and leapt on him, taking his hoof and shaking it until he thought it would come off, “well if’n ma li’l sister Applebloom and her friends have taken a shine to ya, and Twilight herself sent you our way then y’all are right in my book. Staying for lunch?”

“I...yes. Yes I am, before I head back to school.”

“School?” Applejack tried to hide a smirk behind a hoof, but wasn’t very good at it.

Midnight smiled too, “Don’t laugh, I’m learning a lot. I think. Mostly about how I don’t like school...”

Heading back to school was about the hardest thing he’d ever done. He’d been given apple pie, apple fritters, apple chutney, apple surprise - it wasn’t much of a surprise, it did have apples in it after all - apple sundae, apple smoothie and apple supreme. He was full. He was stuffed. He was quite sure that under his coat could be seen bulging apple-shapes in his belly. The last thing on his mind was school, but he had made it. Some history, some geography...he tried to pay attention but it was getting rather difficult.

“Psst!” said a voice. He blinked, it was a light pink earth pony with a light purple and white mane and tail. She had a note in her mouth. She indicated it as best as she could with her eyes. He looked away, on the other side of him was a dark grey pony with a silver mane, she too was nodding urgently towards the note. Midnight sighed and rolled his eyes. He took the note in his mouth from the side of the table and went to pass it across.

“Mister Midnight,” came a familiar voice. Again. He cringed. Again.

“I don’t know how things are usually done where you come from,” Cheerilee continued, “but around here we do not pass notes around. You are passing a note, I take it?”

“Er...no, I mean yes...I mean no...I mean...er...which is the right answer?”

“A big unicorn like you? Come on then, bring it here, let’s see what couldn’t wait...”

He nervously walked up to the front and gingerly put the note on Cheerilee’s table.

She opened it with her hooves, “this note...appears to be blank.”

He blushed hotly as he heard giggles behind him of “Blank flank!” and Cheerilee sighed, “The corner. Back there. Go. I think you need a timeout.”

Midnight hung his head so low it scraped the polished wooden floor. He finally slumped onto the cushions he’d so recently been using to tell a story from and he stared at the wall. This hadn’t entirely been how he’d seen his first day in Equestria going. He rested his head on his forehooves and yawned, he wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve it and he was pretty sure it was one big joke. He yawned again...at least the timeouts were comfier in Equestria. He closed his eyes.

***

“Wake up sleepy head,”

Midnight opened his eyes with a start. Somepony had covered him with a light blanket. It had kittens and ducks on it. He’d been sleeping...in class. He did his best to bury his face in his hooves. It had worked better with fingers, and a face rather than a muzzle.

“Oh don’t give me that, you were exhausted. I could tell when you started snoring.”

“Snoring? Oh please tell me I didn’t...”

“You did!” Cheerilee laughed, “But I let you sleep it off. I’ve finished marking today’s work by our older fillies and colts, so it’s time for me to head home. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

Midnight looked puzzled for a moment as he struggled to his hooves, “I’m not sure where to go to. I don’t have anywhere.”

Cheerilee thought for a moment, “I suppose you could try the library. Twilight lives there normally, but she’s touring the Conversion Bureaus as they start up.”

“Oh, oh I couldn’t...”

“It’s quite a large library you know, with more than one guest room. I think the chance to study on your own time would do you good.”

Midnight headed over to the library in the waning afternoon sunlight, he was about to knock on the door when he remembered it was probably empty. They didn’t seem to have locks in Equestria, so he wasn’t surprised when the door swung open. He poked his nose in and looked around. Books. Lots and lots of books, all neatly organized by subject and author. Not only that, but scrolls, though these were stacked differently. He stepped in and opened the curtains with his teeth on a draw-string. Sunlight flooded the room and he took a deep breath, so much condensed knowledge in one place. Back home, his computer systems had held many times this library’s worth in raw information, but knowledge wasn’t only measured in bits and bytes. He took a couple of books out, one by one. They were often written by hand - well, hoof and mouth or by magic, he reasoned - painstakingly collected and collated. He realized something else, too. He was home.

***

There was a thump somewhere up above him. Midnight looked up, only now realizing that the afternoon sun was setting and several hours had gone by. He’d found some references on the Equestrian language and was making copious notes going through some simple children’s stories on amazing similarities. He’d been told to study, after all, he reckoned, and there didn’t seem to be any library card system...but that noise, what had it been? Midnight got up and headed up the wide stairs around the inside of the trunk of the tree to the second floor, and was surprised to see a large winged shape coming the other way.

“Luna!” he said, loud in the confines of the otherwise-empty library. She must have landed on some balcony and trotted in. He wondered idly if she was here to see him or on some other errand.

“I see you found your way to the books, you’re as bad as Twilight Sparkle. You’ve been here all day, haven’t you?”

“You sent me to school!” Midnight stamped a hoof and shook his head in denial.

Luna laughed, “You went? Then tell me, my little scholar, what did you learn at school today?”

Midnight thought, “You know what? Children are the same everywhere, so are adults. Things aren’t so different in Equestria after all, even though ponies seem to take things easier. I think I like it.”

Luna smiled, “Was that such a hard lesson?”

“What am I, your special student?”

Luna sniffed, “If my big sister can have a prized pupil, I think I’m allowed the liberty if I so choose.”

The words rang in his ears and he blinked, what was he supposed to say to that? “I...I’m honoured. If that’s what you mean.”

“I hadn’t intended it, but I think I shall rub my sister’s face in it occasionally. Let us make it official. I, Princess Luna, designate you, Midnight Shadow, as my special student.”

“But what am I studying?” Midnight blurted, ears splaying back in shock.

“Magic - no, hear me out, you are not a great mage...yet...but you do provide a unique viewpoint, a bridge between worlds. I want you to keep your ears and eyes open and report to me regularly on the differences and similarities between your old world and Equestria, your new one. It will give you an opportunity to work on that atrocious hoofwriting of yours.”

“But...but...I...how do you know I’d even be good at it?”

“Two reasons, silly pony. One, you’ve just spent several hours researching folk tales...”

“You mean reading children’s stories!”

“Hush, I know what I mean, and secondly...take a look.” She pointed with a wing. Midnight whirled and looked behind him, Luna giggled, “no, right there.”

Midnight looked. He stared, he gaped in disbelief. He hadn’t even felt it! “My...is that my cutie mark?”

“That, or we have some very mischievous elves with tiny little paintbrushes.”

“Elves?” said Midnight, eyes wide.

“Relax! It was a joke! We don’t have elves! There’s no such thing.”

“So...I have a cutie mark? I have a cutie mark! I got my cutie mark!”
He did. It was a scroll, curled at both ends with ink blots covering it, and a feather quill and what appeared to be an inkwell. He turned around and around trying to get a better look, with Luna giggling behind a hoof as he did so.
She put a hoof on his shoulder to calm him, “I’ll bet you’ve forgotten to eat.”
There was an answering rumble from his stomach, and Midnight blushed, “I guess I did kind of get carried away.”

“Well then that settles it! Time for a celebratory dinner. On me.”

“That reminds me! I don’t have any money! I mean I can eat grass I guess but it’s not like I have any pockets and I don’t think they take Credits here anyway...and I’d given those away at the Bureau...and...”

Luna smiled again, leading Midnight out of the library, “I think a small allowance is in order, student.” in answer to her own statement she levitated a small cloth bag out of a pack strapped tightly around her neck so that it didn’t get in the way of her wings, and dropped it in front of the startled unicorn. He poked it with a hoof, it jingled.

“There are enough bits in there for a month or so...I think...our treasury hands these things out to me and I don’t really know what to do with them all so you might as well put them to good use. However, our first stop needs to be Carousel Boutique, Rarity’s shop, for a bag or two for you. Her cousin Elusive’s looking after it whilst she’s accompanying Twilight. He’s not such a good designer, but he can work the colour co-ordination.”

***

The pannier bags and neck-satchel were an unnatural weight on his body so soon after learning to be without clothing, but he was sure he’d get used them. He followed Luna like a little lost puppy, he knew he’d look silly going to school the next day with his books, but he would have fun. They stopped at a small cafe and Luna picked the table. She was just ordering for them when there was a cry of, “LOOK OUT BELOW!” and a yellow-orange streak of colour once again dropped from the skies. Peachy Punch barely managed to pull up in time and she landed with such a thump that it rattled the teacups.
She shook herself before getting up and wobbling towards Midnight and Luna, “Oh hi! Hey guys...I...uh...I mean...good evening Your Majesty.” Peachy turned to Midnight and hissed, “What the hell! You don’t just invite yourself to tea with the princess!”

“I’ll have you know, my good mare, I invited him. I think I’m allowed to have dinner with my special student.”

Midnight blushed and stammered as Peachy looked agog at the unicorn, “I...kind of got a job.”

“That’s wicked!” said Peachy, giving Midnight a congratulatory hoof in the ribs. Midnight smiled weakly and coughed a thanks.

“Come, sit down, it’s so rarely I get to have a quiet meal and I do so hate having breakfast alone.” said Princess Luna, indicating the table and chairs, “I’ve restricted access to Ponyville whilst orientation is happening so all those fussy officials are kept out. Whilst my big sister Celestia is off hob-nobbing in the human world I’m left to keep Equestria running smoothly.”
Princess Luna smirked as Peachy took a seat, “I’ve also designated Ponyville as my temporary base of operations. I can see why she rolls her eyes every time the Chancellors start up their wind-bagging...”

Luna was a master at smalltalk and soon the trio were laughing and joking as if they’d been friends forever. She even invited Cobalt and Frontpage when Peachy and Midnight spotted them wandering through the square, which was rapidly filling up with ponies out to enjoy the warm evening, though she did warn the latter than if any of their chatting got printed in ‘Equestria Daily’ that she’d be re-upholstering her throne soon after.

Frontpage smiled, “Your highness, the first rule of a newspaper hack is to protect your sources, and the second is to know when to keep things off the record.”

The dinner, though it was more a breakfast for the princess, finished with friendly laughter and chatting before Luna excused herself, citing her royal duties with a mischievous grin. Curious, the four followed her to the center of the square where she closed her eyes and spread her wings. An ethereal light chased around her small, lithe body before growing and illuminating the entire area. All the ponies stopped and watched in rapt attention as she suddenly lifted her head and opened her mouth as if singing a song that only she could hear. The world seemed to shift. As the countryside grew brighter, so bright that his own body and all the onlookers were thrown into stark blue relief Midnight realised that their princess was raising the moon. He stamped his hooves in appreciation with the rest, soon the entire square was reverberating with the spontaneous cheering. Luna stopped once this monumental task was complete and smiled once at her new pupil and friends, fondly, before taking to the skies.

Midnight watched her go. As far as first days in a new world went, this one had to be hard to beat. He turned and bid his friends farewell before heading home with a smile.

***

Epilogue

Midnight’s Tail

Epilogue

***

Twilight was exhausted. Spike was fast asleep on her back and she was all but fast asleep on her hooves. Travel on Earth was a lot more hard work than it was in Equestria. As she walked, too tired to trot, through the empty streets of Ponyville. The library was just ahead, in a few minutes she could...

“Spike! Spike!” she hissed, stopping in the street. There was a wan light inside the treehouse, an intruder!

“Huh? Whaddaya want Twilight? I’m tired...”

“There’s somepony in my treehouse!”

Spike came wide awake at once, scrambling to stand up on the unicorn’s back, peering over her head between her long ears.
She shook her mane out and pawed the ground, “What do you think, rush the joint?”

“Hi ho Twilight, away!” agreed Spike, holding on for dear life as the unicorn reared up and broke into an immediate gallop. She slammed through the door and slid to a halt inside the main room.

“My it’s windy tonight,” came a voice from a back room, it sounded busy and tired, “do I hear somepony out there? I’m sorry, I’m rather sleepy, the library’s closed. Can you come back tomorrow?”

“I recognize that voice...Midnight?” asked Spike, hopping up and down on Twilight’s back, “It is! It’s Midnight!”

“Spike? Twilight! You’re back! I’m so glad to see you!” Midnight came running out of the back and he pranced around the pair, giving Spike a brohoof. The dragon switched mounts and instantly started jabbering about their adventures, relating several humorous occurences in the various Bureaus around the world - Pinkie had absolutely adored India although nopony could talk her out of attempting to feed cotton candy curry to anypony at the drop of a hat. One attempt in particular had resulted in half the staff calling in sick leaving Pinkie to manage the cooking.

“Pinkie? Cooking? With curry?”

“Oh you haven’t heard the funniest bit yet! She’s all concerned and trying to find something safe to eat for those suffering from the dreaded Deli Belly, right? So she asks me, she goes ‘Spike, how about oatmeal?’ and you know what I said?”

“Oatmeal?”

“Oatmeal! I said, ‘oatmeal, Pinkie, are you crazy?’ and she gives me this look for about five seconds before she’s off rolling around the floor! Hah! I oatmealed Pinkie! Fantastic!”

Twilight just stood there with her mouth hanging open, “he stole my library. He just stole my number one assistant. I’m so going to kick his flank for this...” she yawned heavily, she knew she was just cranky, “in the morning...”

“I bet you’re tired,” said Midnight, smiling, nosing the yawning Spike. The dragon waved his paws and made a face that said ‘getoff’. Midnight led the way upstairs to Twilight’s bedroom. He opened the door and turned up the firefly lamps with a hoof, “I kept it waiting for you, just the way you’d want it.”

The room was pristine, perfect, with clean bedding and a scented candle which Midnight proudly lit with a spark from his horn. Twilight revised her plans from bodily harm down to a chewing out, but collapsed into her bed without complaint. Spike all but leapt at his basket with a cry of “blankie!” whereupon he rolled himself up in it’s warm blue cuddliness and almost immediately started snoring.

Midnight was making breakfast in the kitchenette in the back of the library. Something light today, I think, he thought to himself, tasting the daffodils and dandelions for consistency. He’d not really gotten used to eating flowers yet and found himself putting them in vases and getting odd looks from his guests - what few he had. He liked the mornings in Ponyville, so peaceful, so quie-

“MIIIDDDNIIIGGGHHHTTTT!” shrieked Twilight, “Did you use all the hot water? I need hot water for my mane or it’ll be all frizzy! I have to give my report to the Princess today! I can’t do that looking like a clown!”

Midnight slumped, so much for peace and quiet, “Sorry Twilight!” he called, “I’ll...I’ll have a word with the pegasus ponies, I’m sure you can borrow a cloud...”

“FORGET IT!” grumbled Twilight from the bathroom.

Midnight turned to finish the salad and was just setting it on the table when a wet and dripping Twilight stomped into the kitchenette with a soap bottle in her mouth. She spat it onto the table, “What do you call this?” she asked, eyes narrowing.

Midnight looked, and read the label slowly, not yet up to speed on Equestrian script, “Silver Shine’s Glossy Hair Creme - for a thick, luxurious coat, mane and tail.”

“Correct. Do you notice anything wrong with it?”

“Other than the fact it’s on my table, you mean?”

“It’s empty!” she hissed, “It costs twenty eight bits a bottle on special import from Canterlot and it’s empty!”

“But...” said Midnight, “it’s the only shampoo that keeps my mane in shape! And don’t let me start about my tail!”

“You used all the hot water! You used all my shampoo! You..you...you’re living in my library! Augh! It’s too early for this...I’m going back to bed.”

Midnight slumped at the kitchen table, this was going to be harder than he thought. A bell went off and he raised his head. On top of all that, he was going to be late for school! Cheerilee was going to put him in detention...again! He wrote a quick note, ‘enjoy your breakfast’, and galloped out the door.

Twilight woke up with a start when with a loud, “woah, woah...look out!” a blue and rainbow-haired pegasus came hurtling through an open window and crashed into the bookcase downstairs. She opened her eyes and sighed, “no rest for the weary.”

“Hi, er, hey Twi, glad to see you made it! Have...have you seen Midnight?” Rainbow Dash had the remains of a salad in her teeth, she’d managed to scoff the lot in the few minutes since so decidedly waking the sleepy unicorn.

Twilight yawned, “No, I think you just missed him. Any particular reason?”

“Oh no, no, you know, just...wanted to say hi. We didn’t get a chance yesterday evening before you came to do any...er, talking...the princesses...”

“Midnight was dining with the princesses?” Twilight’s cheeks grew hot.

“Y-yeah, funny thing...” Dash grinned weakly

“And you didn’t invite me?”

“Well you were out of town, you took the later flight...”

“Well some of us had work to do. Some of us don’t have wings.” Twilight spat.

The fight was broken up by a bell ringing. A light blue filly with an hour glass on her flank and an interestingly white and dark-blue striped mane and tail trotted in and looked all around, “Uh, oh...is the librarian not here? I wanted to borrow a book...”

Twilight boiled with rage, “I’M THE LIBRARIAN!”

The filly looked Twilight up and down, “Hardly, he’s a bit bigger than you and a stallion for a start...”

“Augh! And you ate all my breakfast...Dash you greedy pig!”

Rainbow Dash and the filly, Colgate, fled the treehouse, the former in tears of laughter.

Midnight concentrated. He no longer floated around the room when writing using his magic, but he still wasn’t very good at it. He’d also progressed on the reading. He was on ‘Hooves, Manes and Tails - My First Bedtime Story Book’ now and had collected an embarrassing number of gold stars from Cheerilee. He’d given up trying to understand why he was still being sent to school - Mayor Mare said it was a mixup with the paperwork, he personally suspected it was Luna having a long-winded joke. He was making the best of it and to be honest he was learning a lot about Equestria and getting good practice in reading and writing natively. He was currently working on an illustrated story about the time before he was a unicorn when he was a human known as Martin Danielson, for his Equestrian Languages class. He was trying to get out of the habit of drawing himself as he was and instead drawing himself as he used to be. Strangely enough it was difficult. He kept adding the horn, hooves and the tail. He doodled, drawing a pegasus, then picking up a blue pencil with his magic and colouring the lines lightly. He followed it up with all the colours of the rainbow in the mane and tail.

“That’th Rainbow Dathh!” said Twist, a chipper little foal who loved to make peppermint sticks. Midnight could almost count the days until she was working for the Cakes, or even running her own sweet shop. Midnight smiled and looked down. He’d done it again, he’d drawn himself as a unicorn, looking up at Dash flying about in the Ponification Centre.

“It certainly is! This is just after I became a unicorn, not the first time I’ve met Dash. I was having dinner with her last night. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia were there too.”

“No way! I don’t believe you!” called another pony

“I’ll prove it, kid. Pop ‘round the library later tonight and I’ll introduce you to Luna.”

Midnight was quickly surrounded by choruses of “me too! And me!” and he had to laugh, even though Cheerilee gave him a light-hearted mock-scowl. He looked at the picture and smiled fondly, then made up his mind, “Miss? I’m going to have to leave early.”

Cheerilee raised an eyebrow and adjusted her spectacles, “Just because you’re five times as big as the rest of my students, don’t think you get special treatment, young unicorn. You’re just like any other student when in class.”

“It’s official business,” he lied, blushing slightly.

Cheerilee narrowed her eyes, she didn’t believe a word of it but she did have a soft spot for the lummox. Perhaps this time he could get away with it, “Well alright, but see you complete page twenty-three and I want the homework done too! No skimping or I’ll put you in timeout. Again.”

Midnight dipped his head in agreement, blushing, as he collected his things. Timeouts were becoming less common but seemed to come in almost equal measure to the gold stars. He fled before she could change her mind.

A few minutes later, Rainbow Dash poked her head around the door gingerly, scanning around the classroom. She waved a hoof at Scootaloo before she caught sight of Cheerilee and stopped mid-wave. The teacher had a face like a purple thundercloud.

“Miss Rainbow Dash, if you want to stay for lessons all you have to do is ask. Well?”

“Oh, er...no, no, I was just looking for someone...”

“He left, as should you. Scoot!”

Midnight found himself back at the library, he’d looked all over Ponyville to no avail. That darn blue streak of lightning was probably halfway in the clouds and all the way to slumberville. He sniffed. Typical, she’d probably forgotten all about him. He was coming up on the library dejectedly when, with the bright light of day, he realised what looked odd about the place. The grass was getting a bit...wild. He hadn’t noticed in the dark.

“Twilight?” he called out, “Twilight? Who cuts the grass around here?”

“Who does what?” asked Twilight, finally poking her head out of an upstairs window. she looked grumpy.

“Who cuts the grass? I mean I haven’t seen any lawnmowers around here...”

“What’s a lawnmower?”

“The grass...it’s getting a bit long? Shouldn’t there be something to cut it?”

Twilight pulled her head back in and a few moments later appeared at the front door with a puzzled expression on her face, “I thought you were just saving it for later...you’re a pony. Ponies eat grass.”

Midnight blinked. How could he have been so foolish? “Oh...ah. Well, that...that does kind of explain things. I...I don’t think I can eat all of this.”

“Need help?” said a voice from behind him. Somehow, Pinkie was rising out of the undergrowth like the proverbial great pink huntress. Midnight blinked, he’d long ago given up trying to work out how Pinkie managed things like that, he assumed she was some sort of secret agent, super ninja or part unicorn. Or all three.

“I...I can’t eat all of this grass! Oh shoot and that reminds me, after last night I’ve totally forgotten to get the shopping in. Twilight, I’m sorry, you must be hungry.”

“Don’t be silly,” said Twilight, brightly - maybe a little too brightly - although her stomach decided to announce she was lying. Midnight disappeared inside and came back out with a purse of jangling coins.

“I’m not very good with money yet, but...my treat? I think I’ve got enough to scare up some of the Cake’s cakes. And some of Rocky’s coffee...”

Twilight blinked, “where’d you get that?”

“I...I get paid?”

“What? But there’s a small fortune in here!”

“It’s not my fault!” protested Midnight, “The princess just...”

“The Princess? Why would Celestia....”

Midnight shook his head, “Not Celestia, Luna. I kind of work for her? I did send you a letter.”

Twilight grit her teeth, “Let me get this straight; you live in Ponyville, in the library. You work for the princess. I suppose you’ve got a dragon assistant who sends your reports to Luna for you too?”

Midnight shook his head again, “There’s this owl; I call him ‘Hugo’ although all he ever says is ‘hoo’ so I’m...I’m not sure...”

“An owl.” Twilight looked like she would explode. Midnight nodded. “THAT’S IT! I’M GOING FOR A WALK!”

“Tell the rest of the pony gang we’re gonna have ourselves a shearing contest! With grasscake!” called Pinkie, as she happily set to chomping on the delicious foliage. Midnight gingerly started helping. It tasted like lemon sherbet.

Inside and out of the sun, Midnight was putting away his school books before heading out to look for a certain pegasus mare. He was idly chewing on an apple fritter, not just any fritter, but a Sweet Apple Acres apple fritter, studying a map of Ponyville and cross-checking with the day’s weather forcast when he suddenly realised that Twilight was once more in the library. She seemed to be getting angrier and angrier, pacing about from shelf to shelf and levitating down book after book and stomping her hooves. He stopped what he was doing and looked up, “Can I help?”

“Just what did you do in here? I can’t find anything!”

“I...kinda rearranged it a little? Nothing major...”

“You...you...you...”

“Yes, you’d got everything arranged alphabetically. I’ve rearranged it by topic and author. Much simpler!”

“But...half the books are missing!”

“They’re not missing, this is a library. They’re on loan. There’s a ledger somewhere...” Midnight fished it out with his magic, cleaning the crumbs away.

“You...you...” Twilight was snorting

“You said that.” urged Midnight.

“You loan books out? I mean yes...this is a library, and yes I suppose the people of Ponyville are allowed to loan the books but, but, but...they never actually do!”

“I think it’s the newfoals. I’ve ordered a lot of novels from Canterlot and Trottingham - Far Spotter, Madame Pompadour, Hex Bradley...I think the newfoals are writing as many as they’re reading but they really do love the classics.”

“And will you stop eating in here! This is a library, as you were so quick to remind me!”

“Sorry Twilight...” mumbled Midnight, scoffing the last piece, “Hey where’s Pinkie?”

“I think she went off to make you a special Pinkie Pie Grasscake Surprise, said somethng about a party,” Twilight blinked widely and put a hoof on her mouth, “oh rats, it was supposed to be a surprise!”

Midnight grinned, “I’ll act surprised. Tell you what, I’ll...I’ll clear off and come back later, okay? Send Fluttershy after me...no, wait, send AJ or Big Mac once they turn up, knowing Pinkie she’s invited everypony.”

“Why not send Rainbow Dash?” called out Twilight, but Midnight had gone.

Midnight trotted through the town, eyes on the sky, on the lookout for a streak of rainbow tail on blue hide. He found himself heading to Sweet Apple Acres where the pegasus’ weather patrol was supposed to be causing a mild shower. Cobalt was busy tilling the fields with gusto after the relatively-recent winter-wrapup. Midnight hurried to catch up to him, somehow the earth pony was walking in a continuous ray of sunshine whilst around him the downpour happened obliviously.

“Hey Cobalt!” called Midnight, emerging into sudden sunlight and shaking himself dry, “Weird weather we’re having. I’m looking for Rainbow...have you seen Peachy?”

Cobalt looked up from his plodding and came to a halt, “Oh hey Midnight, what’s up?”

“Have you seen Peachy?” repeated Midnight.

“You said that, and I said ‘what’s up’,” said the earth pony with a grin, flicking his ears and tail in mirth, “Peachy’s up, that’s what.”

Midnight looked up, and there staring down at him through a pony-sized hole in the rainclouds was a familiar yellow-orange pegasus with the vibrant dark-red mane and tail.

“Look out below!” she called and leapt through the hole in the cloud cover and landed with a thump in the muddy field. She still hadn’t quite got the landings down pat.

“That’s mah gal,” said Cobalt with a smile, “she runs her own business now!”

“That I do! Peachy Punch’s Cloud Delivery and Removal Specialists at your service, Midnight. I’ll punch a hole in those rainclouds just for you, turning grey days just peachy.”

Midnight’s eyes widened, “you stop the rain?”

“Or bring it, special delivery. Only costs a few bits!”

“Sounds like you two are settling down well here!”

Peachy did a little dance and showed off her flank, “That we are! I got my cutie-mark and everything!” she showed it off, a little cup of sunshine - literally, it was a happy smiley sun-face in a cup.

“That reminds me,” said Cobalt, “an’ I guess now you’re here, it’s as good a time as any. Midnight, you can help do the honours. I’m...not too good with my hooves. I just pull things. Can you fetch the little box out of my saddle-bags? Peachy, you stay right there...”

Midnight watched, searching through the bags for what Cobalt had described. It was a small, felt-covered box with a hinged lid. He lifted it out with his magic as Cobalt got down on one knee and looked up at Peachy, “I...uh...I’m not very good with my words either, but will you be...become...er...misses...Peachy Cobalt, or however it works with these pony-names?”

Peachy wasn’t sure whether to giggle or gasp, as Midnight flipped open the lid and lifted out a fine silver necklace of horse-shoe and feather-shapes, both box and necklace hanging in the air from Midnight’s magic. She looked down at the earth pony and suddenly grinned ear to ear, giving him a whiskery kiss on the nose, “Oh I will, Cobalt! But...I think I’ll keep on being Peachy Punch.”

Midnight, concentrating so hard he was sweating, opened the clasp and put it around Peachy’s neck, his magic giving out just as it finally snapped closed. Peachy Punch opened it awkwardly with her hooves, “What gives? There’s no pictures in here...”

“Not yet,” replied Cobalt, “but there will be one day...hopefully one day soon.”

Midnight thought for a moment, weaving his head back and forth, “Oh in that case...I...uh...allow me to give you a present. Call it a down-payment for a place of your own...I can give you more if it’s not enough.” he fished his money-pouch out of his own neck-bag and gave it to Peachy in his mouth.

She raised an eyebrow at the contents, “Thank you Midnight...I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s what friends are for, right? Now I gotta...have you seen Dash?”

Peachy thought for a moment, “No, can’t say I have. She’s been absent all morning, said something about having to run an errand...”

Midnight’s ears lifted, could she be? “Uh...I have to dash...”

Peachy and Cobalt watched him go, “I bet you do.” she said, giggling.

Midnight looked all about town and nowhere was there so much as a sniff of the pegasus he was looking for. He’d turned and headed dejectedly back to the library and was almost there when there was a thump behind him. He turned, and there she was.

“Rainbow Dash!” said Midnight, running up to her, stopping akwardly a few feet from the pegasus.
She closed the gap, “He-hey Midnight, I...uh...I’ve been looking for-”

“I’ve been looking for you too!” said Midnight. They neck-hugged briefly and then looked at the library door together,

“they’ve got a party in there.” Midnight said after a moment.

“Yeah, I was supposed to keep you out of the library until they finished.”

“Oh,” Midnight’s ears drooped, “s-so you weren’t looking for me, looking for me...”

“Oh, I...kinda was that, too...”

Midnight’s ears perked up again as they opened the door, “You were? Because,” he added in a small voice, “I was kinda thinking about what you said, last time? And I...kinda would, you know?”

“Would what?” asked Rainbow, leaning closer.

“Like to...see, I mean, be...”
The sentence never got completed, as a whole host of ponies jumped out from behind the furniture as the lights went up, yelling, “SURPRISE!”

The party was a success, but then again a Pinkie Pie Party generally always was. There was cake - grass-cake was something Midnight had never tried before and it was surprisingly delicious, as was the carrot-cake. Somehow Pinkie had found chocolate and icecream. He was also wondering about the balloons. Just how did a pony like Pinkie Pie tie up the balloons? Everypony was there, somepony had even hired DJ Scratch and surprisingly few ponies were bowing and scraping to Luna and Celestia, who were quite happily fending off over-excited foals from Midnight’s class.

Cheerilee had even brought him a present, “You do know I give you a hard time because I can’t let them think they can get away with the same, don’t you?” she’d asked.

Midnight had laughed, “You’re a school-teacher, Miss Cheerilee, teaching’s your job. Just try to tone down the timeouts and we’ll get along fine.”

“I only do that because I think you need the sleep.”

“Do I still snore?” he asked

“Only when you’re really tired.”

Eventually the party was over and almost everypony went home, Twilight headed to her bed. Spike passed out in the punch bowl and looked so comfortable that Midnight just put a blanket over him. Midnight tidied up what he could but left the rest for the morning after. Luna had requested a report, so he sat at his bedroom window, a single candle burning, thinking what to write.

Dear Princess Luna,

Being a pony is much like being a human, when all is said and done. We laugh, we love, we live, we struggle. If we’re going to integrate ponified humans in this world, all we really need to do is let them be themselves. The sooner they learn that trick the easier everything becomes. There’s no trick to it really, just dig deep inside and feel the hooves and tail and let it bring a smile to your face.

Your faithful student,

Midnight Shadow

Midnight turned his head back to the bed, he was pretty sure he’d be missed if he took any longer. He blew out the candle and mouthed the scroll to Hugo, turning around with a smile on his face and a spring in his step.

Midnight - no longer a human, now a pony, but still a person - slid into the bed, sharing half a plumped pillow in the darkness. He closed his eyes, just for a moment. There was a giggle next to him and he awoke with a snort.

A light blue hoof, the colour hard to see in the moonlight, gently touched his muzzle, “Do you know you snore?”

Peachy and Cobalt's Excellent Adventure, Part 1

Midnight’s Tail
Bonus Chapters

Peachy and Cobalt’s Excellent Adventure
Part 1

The alarm went off, loudly, startling the dark blue unicorn awake. A hoof snaked out from under the covers to slam into the device. The first swat missed. The second missed. The third technically missed, but it knocked the clock off the dresser. It clattered to the floor and faded away into silence.

The hoof retreated under the covers and the lump it belonged to groaned and shifted as Midnight Shadow turned over. Presently, snoring could be heard.

***

The school bell was loud, sonorous, musical. Accompanying it was the excited yelling and shouting of foals bustling in to class. Slowly, the cacophany subsided as the schoolhouse was filled and the streets emptied.

Amidst the lull before the squares and marketplaces started to fill up with the business traffic of the day, a lone dark blue unicorn with a sunset-hued mane and tail thundered down alleyways and past shop doors and windows, cursing and cussing as he went. He screeched to a halt outside the schoolhouse, tip-toeing as close as possible. He stretched up and peered in wearily.

“Midnight Shadow.” said a fuscia-coloured earth pony from inside the classroom. She didn’t even look up. Midnight lowered his head, ears splayed out sideways.

“Don’t even think about it, Midnight. Speak up. I know you’re there.”

“Sorry miss Cheerilee.” Midnight whimpered through the window.

“You’re tardy, Mister Midnight.”

“I overslept!” he squeaked, blushing as the foals in the classroom tittered at their teacher’s words.

“You’re also demoted from assistant teacher to student. Again. Get in here.”

Midnight trudged up the steps to the schoolhouse and slunk in the door. He sighed softly as he clip-clopped his way to the back of the class where his desk still stood.

“What’s your excuse this time, Midnight?” asked Cheerilee, almost softly.

“I’m sorry miss, I’ve been working on something... something important.” replied Midnight as he sat down at his desk.

The squeaking of chalk on the blackboard ceased and the fuscia pony turned around, “Is it perhaps important enough to share with the whole class?”

“I... could show you, I guess.”

“I bet you’ve packed it in your saddlebags, haven’t you?”

Midnight nodded, “I was going to work on it during lunch...”

“Like your homework?” Cheerilee’s ears flicked up in a pony laugh. She chuckled as Midnight blushed again. “Ah, another late entry, I see. Well, I’ll give you extra credit if you present to the whole class your findings. Maybe I’ll let you off.”

“I’m going to need an assistant or two, Miss.” Midnight said, getting up and levitating a strange bundle of things out of his bags.

“An assistant for what? What is this? Some rocks? String?”

“Not just any string,” replied Midnight with a nod, “this is string directly from Earth. It is inherently different to string from Equestria.”

“Howso?” the teacher-pony was interested now, “It looks almost exactly like normal string.”

Midnight winked at his buddies Snips and Snails, making them giggle, “To the untrained eye, it does, however I’ve devised an experiment to prove otherwise.”

“And this experiment involves rocks?”

“Not just any rocks...”

“Don’t tell me,” said Cheerilee in a deadpan tone, “these rocks are from Earth too?”

Midnight nodded, levitating three of them into a triangular pattern and snaking a length of twine between them, wrapping it tight around each rock several times before tying the ends in a knot and setting them down on the floor at the back of the classroom. “This experiment measures Equestrian string with Terran rocks. It was my first test of an intriguing theory. The second was the reverse, Equestrian rocks with Terran string. The third... involve these two.”

Midnight levitated a fourth and fifth rock out of his saddlebags, around each was wrapped a great expanse of string, “The blue string is from Earth, common twine. The yellow string is from Equestria. In each case, the rock which forms the core is from an alternate dimension.”

“And what does this have to do with us?”

“I need several assistants! Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle; you three place a hoof on one of each rock back there. Pull the string tight, as tight as you can, and then just keep the rocks steady. I’ve enchanted the string - as long as it remains close enough to the same tension, if you pluck it, it will ring.”

There was a bustling in the classroom as every foal strained to see. When the initial experiment was set up, Midnight plucked at the string with his hoof. It rang out in an off-key note audible to everypony present. “This may take a while, it’s sensitive but not that sensitive. Too sensitive and anything would throw it off. Not sensitive enough and we’d be here all day. That’s... kind of why I’m so tired.”

The dark blue stallion yawned again and shook his head before continuing, “As you may know, on Earth the shield is expanding. It is slowly changing Earth into Equestria, and nopony knows when it will stop.” he was silent for a moment, the foals knew he was a ‘newfoal’ but may not have understood the magnitude of what he’d just said.

Cheerilee at least blanched, “Could it eventually cover..?”

Midnight nodded, “Yes, hence ponification. But, there’s more! Equestria isn’t exactly a planet, I don’t know what it is yet, but I know what it isn’t. All that land which is being taken from Earth... well,” he paused, “it’s not exactly just land. It’s space-time, and it’s being added to Equestria at some almost-exponential rate.”

“Midniiiiggghhttt,” whined Sweetie Belle, “my hoof’s getting tired!”

“Just a minute longer, Sweetie! Let me say this, then you’ll understand, I promise.” Midnight turned back to Cheerilee, though he was addressing the entire classroom, “The shape of the topological distortion is beyond me, but what I can tell you is Equestria is getting bigger.”

Cheerilee rolled her eyes, “I know that! We all do, new lands beyond our old borders are appearing and being claimed by the Princesses all the time!”

Midnight shook his head, “More than that. Equestria, in Equestria, is getting bigger! Manehatten, Trottingham, Neighsby, Coltronto - they’re all getting further away. It’s being distributed in an odd pattern, the further from Canterlot you get the bigger the issue. We’re all getting very, very slightly further apart, even the buildings and ourselves, minutely. Every newfoal, everything which has been somehow converted by magic into the stuff of this universe is seemingly unaffected, but that is because everything is affected. The land, however, is what’s mostly being affected. This string is from Equestria, so it will be getting bigger. The rocks, however, are from Earth. They will appear to get smaller, their relative location will appear to get closer to each other, and the string's tension will change. Correspondingly, at an exponential rate the further you get from Canterlot, Equestria’s borders are expanding at all places at once!”

“And so... oh my gosh!”

“Exactly. How much bigger will Equestria-as-we-know-it get? If the princesses aren’t alerted, our far-flung towns and cities will have to become fully-fledged colonies. If it’s far enough apart...” Midnight paused, both he and Cheerilee looked in horror at the string tied around the rocks as the tone ceased, “they could be lost to the geographical expanses currently unknown to Ponykind!”

***