Robbie Rotten Sailing in Equestria
Three days ago:
The city of Lazytown was quiet. Just as Robbie Rotten liked it. He didn't bother to take a walk, as he preferred to stay sprawled on a bench along the sidewalk, his furry earplugs in his ear canals and his awkwardly long arms reaching for a bag of chips. He opened it, and didn't even bother to wipe off the crumbs that fell onto his purple suit. He smirked sinisterly as he took a bite:
"EEEWWWWW!!!" He screamed, now taking a good look at what he was eating. It wasn't chips at all! it was a lettuce leaf!
Robbie fumed angrily. Only one person could have done this. A person with enough speed and agility to carry out the task. The only one he knew who ate nothing but fruits and vegetables. The one person who made the Lazytown's name seem so ironic. And his name was...
"Sportacus, at your service!" Sportacus answered as if in response. "How are you liking those leafy green lettuce leaves? I managed to find you just in time, reaching for those awful chips! And don't even get me started on all that Coke in your fridge!"
Robbie's eyes bulged. "You took my precious Coke supply? I mean, you found my lair?"
"Yes, of course. I replaced it all with water, and a bit of orange juice too. Oh, and milk! Delicious, white milk!"
"Why you..."
"Anyway, I got to go!" And with that, Sportacus cartwheeled out of sight.
Robbie wanted dear revenge. Serious revenge. But more importantly, he wanted his lifetime supply of Coke back. He ran awkwardly to the site of Sportacus' large plane where he resided. Unfortunately, it was suspended many feet in the air. Then he noticed the rope hanging down from it.
He slowly climbed up, more awkwardly than he ran, due to lack of exercise. Then he finally got in.
Within seconds, he was gulping down Coke beverages.
Then he tripped.
Then the plane crashed. Right on top of the mayor's house. And it tore up half of young Stephanie's room.
Then the angry mob appeared.
* * *
One day ago:
Robbie Rotten slowly opened his eyes. He found himself in some strange world, stranger still than Lazytown, which was for the most part inhabited by puppets with creepy faces and the occasional human being here or there. Right now, the world seemed to be colored in such a way that everything seemed to lack a third dimension of shape, at first. He was in a bright, pink restaurant, with a sign marking the place as "Sugarcube Corner." He scrambled up onto his feet and looked around, noticing the beautiful aroma of candy and desserts from behind the counter. He noticed that he could easily step over the counter and steal a few of the baked goods, and he did just that. But before he could take a bite...
"HI-YAAAAAH!" a pink pony jumped on top of Robbie's head and slapped him in the face a few times. "Stop, thief!" Then she looked down at Robbie's startled, ugly face. "Oops," she giggled. "Sorry there." She looked at the tall, thin human before her. "Are you new? You probably haven't understood the rules here. My name is Pinkie. What's your name?"
Robbie began to answer, "None of your business" when he was interrupted by Pinkie.
"Well, hi there Nunnov Yore. Funny name, huh?"
"No, that's not my name!"
"Then what is it, Mr. Nunnov--"
"Robbie Rotten!"
"Well why didn't you say so?" Pinkie giggled some more.
Robbie was too angry to answer. "Gimme my sweets!" he yelled.
Pinkie held him back. "No sir-ee Bob. You need some health food first. Not to mention money. Hey would you like to meet one of my friends? She works at an apple farm! You'll love it! Her apples are the best!" Pinkie continued to ramble on as she eagerly dragged Robbie all the way to Sweet Apple Acres.
It had just occurred to Robbie that Pinkie shared some similarities to Stephanie back at Lazytown. They both liked the color pink, loved to prance around, could barely sit still, and were not at all puppets. Not to mention that they both seem to be friends with someone who would easily pick fruit over chocolate. It also occurred to him that all the ponies around him on the street wouldn't stay still. Especially the little, annoying foals. Robbie had to get out of here somehow.
By the time they had arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, Pinkie had changed the subject to how far she galloped to get him all the way from a far seashore to Sugarcube Corner. Robbie looked miserably at the "Help Wanted: Harvest Season" sign and knew that this would be a long, tiresome day.
Today
Robbie woke up lazily from a haystack in the barn. He didn't bother to leave the day before after being fed nothing but apples and attempting to pick apples. He remembered the back-breaking experience of having to hold a sack of apples on his back all the way from Sweet Apple Acres to the marketplace in town. The words spoken by the orange farmpony also rang in his head: "Pinkie, Ah seriously can't imagine why you're helpin' this lunatic."
He finally gathered the energy to walk out of the barn and find his way out of Ponyville, and ended up finding the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse and peered in. Inside, he saw three foals building parts of a boat. He also heard voices:
"Scoot, are you sure this will work?"
"I'm sure, Sweetie Belle! We'll sail off and explore, and when we find treasure or a new island, we'll come back home and become famous, not to mention get our cutie marks!"
"Scootaloo! I got this part of the map done! Hey, do you rekon we'll find some pirates?"
It was then that Robbie Rotten started to think of a plan in his head. He would use these ponies to help him sail far away from Equestria, and maybe find a new secret lair in Lazytown. He could even raise them to be the laziest ponies to ever exist. Then, they will spread the laziness all over Ponyville, with no sportsy superhero to stop him. He laughed like a maniac at this thought. Then he realized aloud, "I need a disguise!"
Sweetie Belle's head pooped out of the window. "Somebody say 'disguise'? I know just the pony to talk to!"
Later
The three foals and Robbie were now at Rarity's fabric design studio. After seeing the ugly human and hearing his strange request, Rarity vowed that by the time she was finished, he would be forced to pay fifty bits. After all, sewing the intricate shape of a pirate's hat was hard work for even the most skilled of fashion experts.
Within three hours, Rarity finished the costume and handed it to Robbie. As she did, Rarity whispered to her sister, "Sweetie, I can't believe you agreed to help this strange character. There is something evil about his doings." Sweetie Belle ignored this comment. Robbie then handed over the bag of golden coins with a smirk and exited with the foals.
As they exited the residence, cries could be heard behind them of sticky caramels clashing with white fur, as well as complaints to be paid properly.
Chapter the Second: Dashacus (Does That Make Sense?)
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Robbie Rotten Sailing in Equestria
Chapter the Second: Dashacus (Does That Make Sense?)
The next day (which has now moved to the past)
Robbie was ready to set sail. He had a crew consisting of the Cutie Mark Crusaders--who were so clueless of the plan, thinking it was just some scheme to get a funny picture on their flanks--and Pinkie Pie, who just couldn't say "no" to one of her first adventures on a boat. Now, he was going through his checklist.
"Pirate disguis--I mean, suits?"
"Check! But shouldn't we apologise to sis'?"
"Who cares! Is the boat ship-shape?"
"Yes! I mean, check!"
"Food for everyone?"
"Well, we say everypony around here," Pinkie babbled, holding a humongous picnic basket. "Still, check! We got cupcakes for everypony!"
Robbie was delighted! "Gimme, gimme, gimme!" he said, reaching for the basket with outstretched arms, only to be pulled back by Applejack, who had recently boarded.
"Git over here," Applejack said under gritted teeth which quickly let go of Robbie's jacket. "Sorry, but honestly, you're a thin wimp. Y'need brain food." She then stepped aside to reveal a crate which opened up to reveal apples of various kinds. "I got y'all some of the finest apples around." She started to leave the ship, calling over her back, "Now y'all be good ponies, got that? We're all wishin' the best for you."
Once the farmpony was out of earshot, Robbie walked over to the steering wheel. "Time to set sail!"
"Not now!" said Scootaloo. "We need to wait for Rainbow Dash!"
Before Robbie could bother to ask who Rainbow Dash was, he saw a fast stream of rainbow colors headed straight for the ship. It stopped and disappeared in front of the crew, revealing a pony with a rainbow-colored mane in strange clothing in front of him. The costume was all to familiar to Robbie, though.
Dash sported a blue suit with streams of light blue and white, with a large, oval-shaped gem on the chest area. Her goggles, like those worn by the Wonderbolts, were perched on a funny hat on the top of her head, which also had the light--blue color scheme. The way she landed on her feet and had the energy to travel so fast also alarmed Robbie. All he could say was "No. NO. NOOOOOOOO!" before he fainted over the steering wheel.
* * *
Robbie slowly opened his eyes to reveal three young foals staring straight at him. They immediately started to ask him hundreds of questions, for example:
"Are you all right, sir?"
"Are you scared of pegasi?"
"Why did you go all crazy in front of Rainbow Dash?"
"Why do you have this picture of a funny guy with a mustache in your pocket?"
"And did you realize that little girl in the background of the picture looks like Pinkie Pie?"
"Where are we going?"
Robbie lifted his head from the ground, groaning, "Dashacus...Dashacus..."
He fainted on the floor of the boat once more, causing the crew to look curiously around at their fellow shipmates.
* * *
Late afternoon
Robbie woke up yet again, and was now flustered at the new development. How could he let such an athletic pony to join the crew? He pondered this for a while, before coming to the conclusion that Dash might not truly have the amount of athletic ability to compare to Sportacus, and was simply in a rush. She might even encourage the eating of delicious candies for every meal--or at least won't steal a bottle of soda from him.
With this new thought, Robbie realized that his stomach was grumbling, and he was starving. So he left to the kitchen to see if he could sneak a few cupcakes into his pocket. He sneaked through the door and followed his nose to the crate baked sweets. Then, as hunger got the best of him, he decided to eat on the spot.
He closed his eyes, and moved a cupcake toward his mouth.
He opened his mouth, ready to catch a bite of sweet goodness.
He took the faithful bite.
"OOWW! (belching), yuck! Ouch! What was THAT?" Robbie yelled.
He turned his face from the fruit in his hand to see a pony dressed in light blue staring at him, laughing while stomping her front hoof on a counter nearby. "You really thought-" Dash paused here for effect "-that we would let you raid the dessert crate?"
Robbie frowned angrily, throwing the apple towards the ground. Then he shook his fist at Rainbow Dash. "Why, you..."
"And by the way," interrupted Dash. "We got your lunch waiting in your little room. Nothing but fresh apples and a few carrots for you." Seeing the look on Robbie's unsatisfied face, she added, "Hey, they're not that bad. Think of them as a different kind of candy if it really helps. Like...um..."
"...sports candy," Robbie finished, eyes brimming with tears that he used his own enemy's description of the food group.
"Sure, I guess that works," Dash replied, before leaving the kitchen.
Robbie slammed his head in the wall in anger before passing out yet again.