There's something about Twilight

by Exelzior

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Sex, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9048

When a nasty rumor spreads about Twilight Sparkle, Spike becomes determined to find out the truth. What he finds will rock his world and put Twilight in a very awkward position.

Warning, this story contains adult situations, adult language, and implied sexual acts between technicolor cartoon ponies. Also some real crappy Comedy. If any of thse things offend you, please turn away.

When he hears a rumor about Twilight, Spike becomes determined to find out the truth no matter what. Twilight, it turns out, has been keeping secrets from him, but now it's out, and Twilight is about to be put through the worst day of her Life. Some words will be spoken, ponies will get hurt, and friendship will be put to the ultimate test as the curtains are pulled away and the truth comes out.

Proofread and edited by the Always awesome Rocinante

Cover art by Exelzior-Maximus, a.k.a myself.

Published 2013-11-03 01:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-03 01:50:03 UTC

There's something about Twilight

“No way…just, no way, you guys are lying,” Spike said, crossing his arms at the two snickering colts in front of him.

“No we’re not. I’m telling you, it’s true. she’s really got it,” Snips said in his ever-irritating high-pitched voice.

Snails chuckled, covering his mouth with a hoof. “Yeah man, she’s like, totally got it, ‘ey Snips,” Snails said, nudging his, only, friend in the side, garnering a fit of stupid sounding giggles from both of them.

Spike couldn’t believe what he was hearing and shook his head, clamping his tiny hands around it. “No…no you guys are messing with me. She wouldn’t just get something like that. She’d let me know,” the little dragon said, his breath increasing by the second as he tried to make sense out of what the two morons before him were saying.

“Nope, it’s true, ask anypony in town and they’ll ya the same thing,” Snips continued, a wide smile spreading across his chubby little face.

Spike huffed. “Well, how do you guys even know she got it in the first place!?”

“Cause we saw it. Saw the whole thing at the barn dance this weekend,” Snips exclaimed proudly, puffing his chest out with great pride.

“No, I still don’t believe it, you’re full of crap. Both of you!” Spike shouted.

Snips just narrowed his eyes at the young dragon. “If you’re so sure, then why don’t you run home and find out for yourself?” the chubby colt said slyly.

Spike fought to hold back tears, clenching his tiny hands as he stared the colts down. “I will, and then I’ll prove that you two are nothing but liars!” Spike shouted. Turning tail, he ran towards Ponyville as fast as his little stubby legs could carry him.

Snips and Snails just stood there, the former still with a satisfied smile on his lips, the latter just drooling and looking stoned out of his mind.

“Heheheheh, he’s in for a surprise that one, right Snails?”

Snails just smiled even wider, a low humming sound escaping his lips. “Totally right man, totally,”

*** *** ***

Twilight Sparkle sat alone in the stillness of Golden Oaks Library, her nose buried in the pages of a book. Humming merrily to herself she levitated a cup from a small table. This was the life for a newly crowned princess; a spot of tea, a good book, no dragon in sight making a lot of noise, and as of last weekend, a nice big - BANG!

The library door swung open, snapping Twilight out of her thoughts, sending her tumbling off the sofa. Gathering herself, she looked up and noticed Spike standing there, looking like he was either on the verge of crying or committing murder.

“S-Spike, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” Twilight asked, concerned at the little dragon’s odd behavior. Spike didn’t answer at first, and slowly lifted his head to meet Twilight’s gaze. The unicorn swallowed a little as she met his stare.

“Twilight, lift your tail,” Spike said bluntly.

“W-what…what did you just say?”

“Lift. Your. Tail. Turn around, and lift it up right now,” he repeated.

“Spike, is this some kind of joke?” Twilight said, having regained her senses. “Because if it is, it’s not very funny, and you shouldn’t be using that kind of language, especially at your age,” she added, narrowing her eyes at Spike.

“No, Twilight, this is not a game, now lift your tail!” Spike shouted, slamming the door behind him.

“What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?! You’d better have a darn good explanation for this, young mister, or you’re in big trouble!” Twilight snapped angrily.

Spike didn’t move an inch. His vision darkened despite there being nothing to cast shadow over his face, his little fingers twitching. “Well then, I guess we’re gonna have to do this the hard way,” he grumbled.

Before Twilight had time to react, Spike launched himself through the air towards her, claws bared, latching onto her hind leg. Twilight yelped and kicked, trying to shake the little dragon off, but he stuck to her leg like glue, eyes burning with fierce determination as he circled, trying to get a good view of Twilight’s nethers. Twilight bucked even harder, sending Spike flying, his little body hitting the floor with a thud. Twilight barely had time to recover from the initial assault before Spike was on her again, straddling her back and grabbing ahold of her tail, lifting it out of the way.

Panicking, Twilight enveloped Spike in a magic aura and yanked him off of her, the dragon yelping as he grabbed ahold of some of her fur, ripping it right off as she magically threw him across the room into an open broom closet. Barely had the sound of shelves breaking and metal pots being knocked over died down before Spike was back on his feet. Acting quickly, Twilight magically slammed the closet door shut just as Spike was about to jump out, leaving a dragon shaped bulge in the wood. Panting heavily, Twilight locked the door, hearing the scraping against the wood as Spike tried clawing his way out.

“Fight all you want, I’m not letting you out! You stay in there until you settle down, and then we’ll have a serious talk about this!” Twilight said angrily.

Spike slammed his little fists against the door. “You can’t keep me locked in here forever!” Spike shouted through the door.

Twilight ignored him for the moment and headed to the upstairs bathroom. Looking herself in the mirror she found a mess of a mare staring back at her, and looking back she noticed a pair of bald spots where Spike had torn her fur. Part of her left side cutie mark was missing, Twilight wincing as she nudged the exposed flesh. Finally able to relax she splashed some water onto her face. Looking at her reflection, dripping wet, she let loose a heavy sigh. Her perfect day had just been utterly ruined by her most faithful assistant. She could still hear him banging on the door downstairs. Closing her eyes and toweling of her face she took one last glance at herself.

“What the hell’s the matter with this town?” she mumbled. Her reflection seemed to agree.

*** *** ***

The rest of Twilight’s day became a minor nightmare. Having to constantly look behind her to make sure Spike hadn’t somehow escaped the broom closet drove the poor mare crazy. For safety measures, she’d put an extra heavy lock on the door and a chair under the handle; just in case. When she finally felt safe from the little dragon she pulled out every book about dragons the library had to offer. After the incident involving herself, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and a group of teenage dragons, Twilight had made sure to stock up on every bit of literature she could find, some of it very rare. Just in case any unexpected situation cropped up. But after plowing through book after book, she came up empty hoofed.

After a particularly nasty read regarding dragonic mating rituals, involving some positions Twilight, quite frankly, couldn’t see any living being pulling off without the aid of an extra spine, she threw her hooves up (along with some of her breakfast) and slumped down in the couch. “Ugh, this is hopeless!”

“Would be a lot easier if you just open this door and lift your tail for me,” came Spike’s muffled voice.

Twilight ignored him.

As the afternoon rolled around, Twilight began to ease up from the initial shock and managed to get back into her routine, though still taking heavy precautions, always sitting with her back against walls, making sure to double and triple check the lock on the broom closet and switch the chairs just in case the wood started to rot. When the bright afternoon sun started setting behind the hills, Twilight decided to get dinner started, a task easier said than done considering she didn’t usually do most of the cooking around the library. That was Spike’s job, and she would not risk letting him out of the closet just for a decent meal. Besides, she was a high level unicorn, hell, a princess for Celestias sake. Surely it wouldn’t be that much difference between conjuring a masterfully crafted mass teleportation spell and making herself some nice salad, could there? With determination in her eye, apron around her waist, and chef’s hat on her head, Twilight levitated a knife and opened the pantry.

A few moments later she stood by the sink pouring ice cold water at the gushing cut in her hoof. Wincing, Twilight wrapped her hoof in bandages after carefully disinfecting the wound with some alcohol from her private stash. With salad out of the question, and her not even wanting to try her chances with the oven, Twilight gave a heavy sigh and pulled a box of cereal from the pantry and a bottle of milk from the fridge. Sitting down with her cardboard dinner Twilight pulled out a book and started reading, scanning her eyes across the lines of words as she mechanically consumed her meal. It wasn’t new for her, hours upon hours of study under the guidance of Celestia had made Twilight a true professional at eating while studying. Finishing her dinner she put the dishes in the sink and headed off for bed, only to realize halfway up the stairs that Spike still hadn’t been fed. Despite his outrageous behavior, Twilight wasn’t about to let her number one assistant starve inside the broom closet and headed back downstairs to the kitchen, returning to the library with a bowl of sapphires which she teleported into the closet. Without so much as a ‘thank you’, the sound of Spike digging into the bowl echoed through the library, followed by a loud belch and a faint smell of molten rock.

Twilight sighed and headed back upstairs, returning shortly thereafter with a pillow and quilt which she teleported into the closet. She wasn’t about to sleep in the same room with Spike in case she’d wake up during the night to find him trying to get intimate with her. In her mind she conjured an image of herself tied to the bed, the room bathed in moonlight, as Spike, covered in shadow, eyes glowing madly, violently grabbed ahold of her tail and splayed her hind legs apart…

Shaking the vile image out of her head Twilight entered the bathroom. After a quick shower and brushing her teeth, she headed to bed. It was still fairly early, but the day’s events had taken their toll on the unicorn, and she was dead tired. After locking the door behind her, Twilight crawled into bed, curling up under the blankets, hugging the pillow tight. She looked out the window. The sun had vanished from the heavens by now, only a faint hint of light still peeking over the hilltops in the distance, coloring the clouds a nice shade of pink. Twilight smiled as she watched the skies darken, her eyelids growing heavy. Rolling around she spotted Spikes empty basket near the foot of the bed. Her expression saddened. A small knot formed in her stomach, knowing that her little dragon currently slept on the hard floor downstairs, locked in the closet like an animal. For a moment she pondered going back down and let him out, but the images from earlier crept back into her head, and she instantly abandoned the idea.

Laying her head back Twilight rubbed her temples, the whole situation just didn’t make any sense, and she knew that even as a princess she wouldn’t be able to sort this one out by herself. This wasn’t going to be solved by any spell, she needed her friends. Deciding to get them all together the next day, Twilight slowly drifted off to sleep, her dreams filled with images of dragons lusting over her supple body. Needless to say, she didn’t sleep well that night.

*** *** ***

Downstairs in the closet, Spike wasn’t having an easy night either, curling up under the soft blanket and trying in vain to make himself comfortable on the hard floor. Surrounded by almost complete darkness, the only light coming from under the door, he wrapped his arms around himself. Despite the adequate heat, Spike shivered, pulling the blanket as close around himself as possible. Still unable to think clearly he glanced towards the door, fixating his gaze at the dim blue light, his head swimming with thoughts. The afternoon had not gone as he’d hoped, and looking back at it he beat himself mentally over the head for trying to attempt something so stupid. Of course Twilight wouldn’t just up and lift her tail for him, she didn’t do that for anypony, not even her friends, although why she’d even show them her privates in the first place was beyond him. Still, she did react strongly, so she definetly had something to hide, Spike thought, his mind filled with complete obliviousness.

Rolling over onto his back, Spike stared at the dark ceiling, barely able to see the woodwork above him through the darkness. His mind wandered to Twilight in the upstairs bedroom, tucked away under layers of softness while he lay on the dusty floor of a rarely used closet. A flame of anger burnt in Spike’s heart, and for a moment he thought of just clawing his way out of the room somehow and go upstairs and get his way wether Twilight wanted to or not. He quickly abandoned the idea however, mostly out of a sense that Twilight probably would be anticipating something like that, but a small part of him also felt guilt for even thinking such a thing, although it was still only a very small part of him.

He sighed slightly, crossing his fingers on his chest, tail tapping slightly against the floor in a rhythmic motion, sending a small echoing throughout the small room. Despite being tired, he wasn’t able to sleep, his thoughts constantly drifting off to Twilight, re-igniting his anger and snapping him awake. He couldn’t do it. No matter how hard he tried or how many sheeps he counted, he just couldn’t sleep knowing that right above him lay Twilight and her secrets. He wondered, what else was she hiding? Today’s events had certainly proven that whatever she held from him was enough to lock him up, making him wonder just what that unicorn did behind closed doors. Now his mind began to fill with all manner of possibilites, making him pull the blanket over his face until only his eyes were poking out from underneath, pupils shrunk and sweat running down his forehead as he pictured Twilight, wearing a scientist’s coat and glasses for some reason, strapping him down on a bench, pulling black rubber gloves onto her forehooves and pulling out a small bottle of glistening liquid…

Spike sat up quickly, knocking over the empty bowl next to him, the clattering startling him so much that he jumped into the air and grabbing ahold of the ceiling, his claws burrowing into the wood. He clung for a moment before gravity kicked in, sending him falling onto the pillow below. Scampering around, diving under the blanket again the little dragon shivered in pure terror, repeatedly smacking himself on the cheeks to get the images out of his head, though to no avail. The image of his mentor and closest friend doing something so horrible to him sent his already torn mind over the edge. He had to know the truth, love and friendship be damned. Even if it meant having to become Twilight’s enemy, Spike wouldn’t rest until her secret were his.

A few minutes later he was sleeping regardless, his mind filled with images of little Twilights jumping over a fence, taunting him. He didn’t sleep well.

*** *** ***

Twilight carefully peeked her head around the corner, looking into the library. With a relieved sigh at the broom closet still being boarded she dared venturing out, saddlebags on her back as she tiptoed towards the door which Spike was no doubt waiting for her behind. Removing the chair silently she magically engulfed the lock, turning the key slowly so as to not wake the sleeping beast inside.

*click*

The door burst outwards, a cloud of dust exploding as Spike smashed into it, trying to get out. Flashing green lights and smoke erupted from the small crack under the door, and the peeling and scratching of claw against wood echoed through the chaos. With a frightened yelp, Twilight boarded the door shut, desperately trying to get the lock back into place. Once the lock hung again, Twilight levitated an entire bookshelf in front of the door, spilling books all over the floor, though she wasn’t certain it would hold him.

“That was close…too close,” Twilight said to herself as the bookshelf stopped rocking. With that plan not working out, Twilight went with her B-plan; enveloping the lock itself in a purple aura and setting it on a magic timer to be released once she was far away from the library. Twilight headed out, the chilly morning air filling her lungs, making her cough slightly. A thin fog covered the streets of Ponyville, the sun slowly rising over the land, though the sky remained a soothing cold blue, some stars still visible through the thin clouds. Twilight knew she had to be quick, the timer on the magic lock would only last for a few hours, and in that time she had to get her friends together. Wasting no time she galloped towards the marketplace, hoping that at least Applejack would be there early to set up shop. She had to stop halfway and go back though, her paranoia getting the best of her, and go back to see if the door was locked.

It was.

*** *** ***

Tic-tac-tic-tac-bing, *click*

The bookshelf fell forward as Spike pushed his way out of the closet the instant the lock clicked. As the dust settled his little shadow rose, eyes darting manically looking for Twilight. Realizing she wasn't there, Spike let out a roar of frustration, though it sounded more like an angry kitten than a dragon.

“Clever little Twilight, always thinking two steps ahead,” Spike said, “Well, two can play this game. You will show me your dirty little secret, Twilight. I didn’t want to believe Snips and Snails, but you certainly have been keeping secrets from me, your own assistant,” Spike seethed with rage as he made his way to the kitchen. Feeling angry and betrayed he poured himself a generous amount of sapphires and opals, Twilight wasn’t around to stop him after all. After scarfing down his breakfast and not putting the dishes in the sink like he was supposed to, Spike headed upstairs to Twilight’s room, hoping to find clues about…something, anything that proved Twilight was hiding something. Rummaging through her drawers, Spike didn’t come up with much, unless mismatched socks and stray books counted as evidence. As he was starting to give up, his eye caught something. Behind the sock drawer he spotted a faint glint of something metal. Pushing the drawer away, Spike revealed a secret wall safe behind it, and since his teeth had no problems crushing diamonds the thick metal proved no challenge. As he opened the safe, his eyes went wide.

A plethora of incriminating evidence against Twilight lay before him, Spike’s eyes growing wide with shock and utter despair. Snips and Snail’s story seemed all the more plausible by the second as he rummaged through Twilight’s secret stash of lewdness. Pictures of mares and stallions in compromising positions, he guessed Twilight went both ways, hoofcuffs and whips, long glistening rubber…things in various sizes an color, and a massive amount of small square shaped plastic containers in all the colors of the rainbow. Spike stumbled backwards, sweat breaking across his forehead as he tried to make sense of it all. It was worse than he’d ever imagined, not only had Twilight been keeping one secret from him, but apparently she was living a double life. Still wanting to expose her, no matter how much it hurt, Spike steeled himself and began digging through the stash, looking for that one piece that would bring Twilight down and spill the beans. Looking deep within the safe, tucked safely into a corner, Spike spotted just that. Pulling out a black leather bound book with a lock on it, the little dragon shivered. Biting of the lock he swallowed hard before opening it. He wasn’t sure what to expect; a confession, a lewd diary, malicious plans involving him in some way? The more he thought of it the more his imagination ran wild. With great reluctance he opened up the first page, only to find himself staring at a wall of text. No pictures or anything, just some very finely written pages, though as he started reading his eyes went wide by each passing sentence. A grin spread across his lips, his eyes narrowing as he slowly closed the book. This was way better than anything he’d ever hoped for, and would surely make Twilight spill her little secret for him.

Wasting no time, Spike headed into the closet, rummaging through the clothes until he found it; a black top hat and matching cape, along with a small glass case containing a fake moustache and a monocle. Donning his attire, the little dragon spun around, pulling the cape over his face as he spoke to no one.

“Time to play, Twilight, time to play…”

*** *** ***

Celestia’s sun once again stood high above Ponyville, bathing the town in its soothing warmth and eye piercing brightness. At one of the local cafés, Twilight had managed to gather her friends, though she hadn’t broken the news to them yet, and the six ponies were engaged in friendly conversation. Sitting in the center of her friends, Twilight calmly sipped some tea. Actually making her friends come had been the easy part, she just didn’t know how to break it to them about Spike. With a sigh she put the cup down and looked up at the cheerful ponies around her.

“Thanks for coming, you guys…” Twilight began, “You’re probably wondering why we’re all here,” she continued.

“Kinda, yeah,” Applejack said, taking a bite out of a cinnamon bun, “Ah mean, when ya came ta me this mornin’ an’ asked me ta gather the gang up an’ meet ya here, looking all flustered an’ such, Ah figured it must’ve been fer sumthin’ else than this,” the farmer pony continued, scarfing down the rest of the bun before reaching for another one, earning a slap on the hoof from Rarity.

“Applejack, manners please!” the white unicorn snapped as Applejack pulled her hoof away. Rarity continued, turning to Twilight, “Yes darling, please, tell us what’s going on. Not that I mind a little get-together every now and then, but I have a sense that there’s something else going on here,” she said, putting a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, using her other hoof to smack Applejack again.

“Ow! Cut it out, will ya! Ya aint mah mom!”

“You’re going to get fat, Applejack, I’m just looking out for a friend. You should be grateful,” Rarity said, nose held high. Applejack huffed and slumped down into the chair, earning a slight creak from the metal frame.

“Yes,” Twilight continued, ignoring Applejack, “Something happened yesterday, and I don’t know how to break it to you all.”

Her friend all looked at her with great concern, except Pinkie whom managed to retain a happy smile.

“Is this about what happened at the dance last weekend?” Rarity asked, garnering a slightly panicked glance from Twilight, “Don’t act so surprised darling, we all know what went down between you and that stallion. Now, did anything else happen between you two that you aren’t telling us?”

Twilight just shook her head slightly, but before she could respond Pinkie broke the silence.

“I think what Rarity is trying to ask is if you’ve discovered that guy knocked you up,” Pinkie said in an unusually casual tone, before reverting to her usual carefree self and scarfing down a tray of muffins, chewing happily as crumbs rained out of the corners of her mouth.

“No no, it’s nothing like that,” Twilight said, waving her hooves. “It’s about Spike…yesterday, oh how do I put this, when he came home yesterday…well…”

All her friends leaned closer, sporting curious looks.

“Yesterday, Spike ordered me to lift my tail for him,” Twilight said with a sigh.

An eerie silence fell over the scene, as all of her friends froze in utter shock, mouths agape. Rarity looked like she’d just sat on a needle, Applejack like she’d been smacked in the face and Rainbow Dash whom had so far stayed out of the conversation had fallen off of her chair. Pinkie stopped chewing with her cheeks now bulging unnaturally, a piece of muffin wrapper sticking out of her mouth, and Fluttershy’s face grew beet red as she sunk under the table, trying to disappear.

“He…what!” Rarity exclaimed, trying to retain her senses, “Applejack, pinch me!”

*Chomp!*

“Ow! I said pinch me, not bite me!”

“No hands,” Applejack said, waving her hooves in front of Rarity. “Twilight, please tell me ya didn’t say what we just clearly heard ya say,” the farmer pony continued, looking pleadingly at Twilight.

Twilight just shook her head again. “No Applejack, it’s true, he said it,” Twilight said, her lip starting to quiver a little, “He asked me to lift my tail for him.”

“Why that little…” Applejack gritted her teeth, barely able to hold back an outburst, “Gah, what’s that P-word again, the one we always call Rainbow behind her back?”

“Pervert, maybe?” came Rainbow Dash’s voice, bearing an ever so slight hint of sarcasm.

“Yeah, that one…oh, heheh, sorry RD,” Applejack said sheepishly, blushing.

“Don’t worry about it, Apple-smack, I’m used to it,” Rainbow said, turning to Twilight. “Twi, I’m guessing this is why you called us here, isn’t it?”

“No, what made you have that realization,” Rarity interjected.

Twilight sighed again. “Yes, I was hoping you might have some ideas, because frankly, I don’t know what to do. I mean, it came right out of the blue, no warning signs or anything, and I couldn’t find anything in any book that might help either.”

“Well,” Applejack began, having regained some of her senses, “Ah still think he’s a little pervert, but maybe ya’ll oughta do it,” she stated, gaining mixed looks from all her friends.

“What? How dare you, Applejack!?” Rarity hissed angrily, “That is out of the question, why would you even suggest such an awful thing?”

“Cause when Ah had the same problem with Applebloom, Ah had ta do the same thing. Yes it was awkward an’ we didn’t talk much fer a while afterwards, but we both got over it, an’ now Ah don’t have ta worry about that anymore.”

Rarity just stared at Applejack like she had just stated that the moon was green. “Wait, you’ve showed your…privates, to your own sister? What is wrong with you!?” Rarity exclaimed, looking part disgusted and part shocked.

“Rares, we walk around nude you know,” Rainbow Dash interjected, “I mean, we’ve all seen your cooch a thousand times, it’s no big deal, it’s just a part of your body,” the blue pegasus said with a sly grin as Rarity’s face grew beet red, along with Fluttershy whom dove under the table again.

Once Rarity had regained herself she spoke, a slight shade of red still visible on her cheeks. “Be that as it may, I still think it’s a bad idea,” she said as she turned to Twilight, “Twilight, don’t listen to her, you’re just going to be playing right into his hands. If you do it, what’s stopping him from trying to go even further?”

Twilight shivered, once again reminded of the images from the night before, and shook her head. “I guess you’re right, Rarity. Sorry Applejack, but I just don’t think it’ll work, and besides, I fear that Rarity may be onto something. Not that I think he’s like that, but I’m still a bit worried,” she said, taking a sip of her tea and nibbling on a cookie.

“Well, I’m with AJ,” Rainbow Dash said, taking a swig out of a soda bottle as she did, “I mean, he’s bound to end up seeing it one of these days, especially if he’s set his mind to it. I say just do it and be done with it, and deal with the consequences now rather than later,” the pegasus finished. Twilight just looked at her with a smile then sighed.

“Like you do? Just do whatever and take the fallout as it comes?” she asked with a smirk on her face. Rainbow Dash just nodded.

“Yeah, it’s worked out for me so far, no need to fix what isn’t broken, right?” Rainbow Dash said with a smile, finishing of her soda with a little belch, earning a stern glare from Rarity. Rainbow stuck her tongue out at the white unicorn.

“So, I take it you’d be up for it to take my place then?” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “Why don’t you head back to the library and show your goods, seeing how you have no problem with it.”

Rainbow blushed and shook her head. “Hah! No way I’m showing of for any guy. If he’d been a cute little purple mare with a green mane, maybe, but I’m not putting myself on the line like that,” she said. “Sorry, I know we’re friends and all, but this is your problem, not mine.”

Twilight frowned, but she wasn’t about to get into an argument with Dash, knowing it’d be like arguing with a brick wall. Turning to the last two of her friends, looking at them almost pleadingly, she asked, “So what about you two? Pinkie, Fluttershy, got any tips?” she asked, although it started to seem rather hopeless.

“Well…um,” Fluttershy began in her ever so timid voice, “Maybe you’re just reading it wrong, Twilight. I don’t mean to sound rude, please don’t think I’m being rude, but maybe Spike’s just growing up? Maybe this is just the way dragons show maturity,” the timid pegasus said, peeking up from her spot under the table.

“I don’t think it’s anything like that, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, “I know we don’t know a lot about dragons, but I can’t for the life of me believe that this is any way related to him maturing,” Twilight continued.

“I think Flutters may be onto something here,” Rainbow Dash said, “I mean, remember that time when he went on his little ‘journey of self-discovery’? Remember those dragons we ran into back then? Heck, think about the adult dragons we’ve encountered so far, so far all dragons have been a bunch of greedy, self-centered, egotistical assholes that won’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” the pegasus said, leaning back into the chair.

“Well, then you fit right in with them,” Rarity said with a smirk, glancing at at Rainbow Dash, “But in all honesty, Twilight, maybe Fluttershy has a point. What if Spike is just growing up, and this is his, albeit strange, way of showing it. Maybe your little dragon isn’t so little any longer.”

Twilight looked down into the teacup, watching the ripples on the surface of the golden brown liquid. Could they be right? Was this all just another natural thing for dragons? She didn’t want to believe it, but somehow it kind of made sense, the greedy nature of dragons, coupled with a natural tendency of aggression, it all made sense in a sickening way. Looking up again, Twilight turned to Pinkie, whom had been eerily silent the whole time, seemingly lost in thought looking unusually deep.

“Pinkie, what do you think?” Twilight asked, not knowing what to expect out of the pink bundle of joy.

Pinkie slowly lifted her gaze to meet Twilight’s. The sun hit the pink mare’s back, casting her front in shadow as she spoke. “Twilight, I think you need to give Spike,” she paused for dramatic effect, before lowering her voice into a whisper, “The talk.”

A deafening silence fell over the six ponies, as a wind cut through Ponyville carrying a tumbleweed.

*** *** ***

Everything was set in place as Spike rubbed his tiny hand together, admiring his work. It was perfect, the library completely spotless, not a speck of dust remaining. The books stood neatly packed in their respective shelves, and the floors almost shimmered in the sunlight coming in from the windows, Spike having taken the entire morning to scrub them. The little dragon smiled, soon he’d have everything his way. Walking over to the large armchair he’d set up for himself in the middle of the room, dragging a scaly claw over the polished wooden frame, he laughed manically, tugging at the fake moustache on his nose. Turning the chair to face the door he set up a small table next to it, placing a glass and a large bottle of apple juice on it. True it wasn’t the typical beverage befitting a mastermind such as his, but he was grown up enough to know that alcohol wasn’t his thing.

Glancing down at his hands for a moment Spike sighed. Earlier in the day he’d paid a visit to Rarity’s boutique and attempted to “borrow” Opal, a criminal mastermind wasn’t complete without a white cat after all, but the whole raid had ended in complete fiasco and his arms now covered in claw marks. Shaking his head, Spike headed for the table where a sealed envelope lay. Carrying it outside he looked around for a while until he spotted his target. Putting two fingers into his mouth he whistled loudly.

“Yohoo, Derpy, I need something delivered!”

*** *** ***

Pouring herself a fresh cup of tea Twilight gave a small sigh of slight relief. Having spent the last couple minutes laying out a plan of action with her friends, frustration slowly but surely vanished from her mind. She brought the cup to her lips, hot steam against her fur as she sipped it. Relieved and with her senses back on, she looked around the table at the five ponies, whom were eagerly awaiting instructions.

“Alright girls, following Pinkie’s advice, we’ll go through the plan one last time, just like that time when we had to drive out that dragon from the cave,” Twilight said. At the mention of the dragon she was referring to, Fluttershy sank down a bit, ears flattening against her head. “When we enter the library, we stick together as a group. He may be hiding on top of the bookshelves waiting to pounce at any moment, so be alert,” she continued.

“Aw come on, Twilight, what’s little Spike gunna be able ta do against all o’ us?” Applejack asked only to get a stern glare from both Twilight and Rarity. “Sorry, go on.”

“Anyway, once we spot him, Rainbow Dash catches him and Applejack ties him up,” Twilight continued.

“But not too tight, remember we don’t want to hurt him, we only want what’s best for him,” Fluttershy said timidly.

“Don’t worry, Fluttershy,” Applejack said, putting a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder, “Ah aint gonna hurt ‘im, but we’ll have ta take every precaution, we don’t want anythin’ ta happen ta Twilight,” she said. Fluttershy just nodded meekly.

Twilight swallowed another mouthful of tea, smacking her lips a little. “Right. Now, once he’s tied down, Fluttershy calms him down,” she said, looking at Fluttershy with a smile, “You are easily the most capable of handling this part Fluttershy, and don’t be afraid to use whatever it takes to settle him down. Use the stare if you need to,” Twilight added. Fluttershy’s stomach sank a little at the mention of her stare, she didn’t want to have to put Spike through such an ordeal, even if it was for his own best. Glancing into Twilight’s begging eyes however, Fluttershy gave a small sigh and nodded.

“Alright, Twilight, I’ll do my best,” Fluttershy said.

“And that’s all we ask of you,” Twilight responded. “Now, once we have him caught, we begin step 2; teaching him about the birds and bees,” Twilight said in a slightly unsteady voice, all her friends blushing simultaneously except for Rainbow Dash, whom just rolled her eyes at Twilight’s choice of words.

“Oh come on, Twi,” the blue pegasus said with a groan, “No one says ‘birds and bees’ anymore. We’re gonna tie him down and forcibly teach him about sex, it’s gonna be like middle school all over again.”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “You had sex-ed in middle school? Isn’t that a little early?”

“Not in Cloudsdale. I don’t know what it’s like here, or in Canterlot, but pegasi get it rather early. I think it has to do with tradition or something, anyway, we were more or less forced to have it, although it wasn’t very good,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes again.

“Really, how come?” Twilight asked, having become slightly intrigued.

“Well, they tended to focus mostly on guys and gals, not really my cup of tea if you catch my drift,” Rainbow Dash responded. Twilight looked a little dumbfounded. Rainbow Dash just sighed and shook her head. “I’m a lesbian, Twi, you know, not interested in guys, and definitely not interested in learning about sex with them,” the blue pegasus said.

“Ah, okay. Well, let’s continue,” Twilight said matter-of-factly, turning to Rarity. “Once we have him tied up, you start telling him about mares and stallions. He’ll listen to you, and hopefully he’ll be stunned enough so he forgets about me for a while. While you’re going at it, I’ll go get some of the anatomy books from the closed of section of the library, and while he’s still dazed I’ll give him a quick lesson about…” Twilight blushed as the last parts of the sentence escaped her lips, “…mare parts.”

Applejack shook her head a little. “Ah still don’t get why ya’ll can’t just show ‘im yerself instead of bringin’ out some dusty ol’ book. Be a lot easier from where Ah’m sittin.”

“No, Applejack, I can’t. I mean, I’ve raised the little guy myself, I’m the closest thing to a mother he has, and as such, I’m not going to flash my privates for him, it’d be wrong on so many levels,” Twilight said and finished of her tea. Rarity nodded, shooting daggers at Applejack.

“Twilight is right, Applejack, this is the only way to do it. I don’t know what goes on over at that farm of yours, but here we’re civilized ponies, and civilized ponies don’t expose themselves to underage dragons. It’s as simple as that,” Rarity said with a huff.

“Whatever,” Applejack said, not wanting to get confrontational, “So, Twi, when yer all done tellin’ him about how mares work, what’s next?”

“Now you come in,” Twilight said with a smirk, “Seeing how you taught Applebloom about the facts of life, you get to tell him about actual intercourse, along with Pinkie since you two are the only ones who’re open enough about it,” she added, making Applejack blush a little.

“Okay, sure, but why can’t any of you do it? Ah haven’t been with a lot of stallions in mah days,” Applejack asked, looking around the table.

“Well, because I’ve only been with one stallion, and that was last weekend, so I’m not gonna be able to tell him a lot,” Twilight said, “And Fluttershy…” Twilight trailed of, watching the yellow pegasus grow beet red and dive under the table, with only the tip of her pink tail sticking up, “…well, that,” Twilight finished. “You two are the only ones left that can give him the proper talking,” she said, looking at Applejack and Pinkie.

“Hey, what about me?”

“Ya’ll stay outa this Rainbow, yer probably just gonna scar the little guy with yer stories. He needs proper talkin’ to, not ta hear about the time ya did it with that cucumber,” Applejack said, making Rainbow Dash’s wings flare.

“How the heck do you know about that?” Rainbow exclaimed through gritted teeth, trying not to raise suspicions from ponies walking by.

“Uh, Rarity, told me,” Applejack lied.

“I most certainly did not! I would never stoop to such a level of ungraceful, how dare you Applejack!” Rarity hissed.

Applejack blushed as Rainbow elbowed her side. “Oh, I think somepony’s been hiding something from the rest of us,” Rainbow Dash said with a smirk, pulling Applejack closer. The other ponies just facehoofed before Pinkie chimed in.

“Okay, it’s cute that Applejack just came out of the closet and all, but where do I come in?” The pink mare asked. Twilight smiled at her.

“You are the funny one, Pinkie. When Applejack’s done telling Spike all about sex, you step in and tell him everything else that we might have forgotten.”

“Ohhh, okay,” Pinkie said happily, doing a backflip.

“Alright, I think that’s it,” Twilight said and stood up. Breathing heavily for a few seconds, gathering courage, she looked up with determination in her eyes.

“Let’s do-“ *CRASH*

Twilight fell backwards as something heavy bumped into her. Without even seeing her, Twilight angrily exclaimed, “Derpy! What are you doing?”

“Sorry, you looked like you were a lot further back,” Derpy said with a groan, gathering up some letters, neatly putting them back in her postal bag. “Oh, hi girls, how’s it going?” the mailmare said, looking at Twilight’s friends.

“We’re gonna go tell Spike everything about se-Mhhhhphh!” Rarity put a hoof over Pinkie’s mouth before the pink mare could finish her sentence.

“Heheheheh, sorry about that, Derpy, she’s a little jumpy today,” Rarity said.

“Oh, okay then, anyway I have a letter for Twilight,” Derpy said, fishing a small envelope out of her bag.

“For me? Who is it from?” Twilight asked as she accepted the letter.

“From Spike, I don’t know why he didn’t just tell you himself, he lives like 5 minutes away from here. But he was really keen on you getting this letter, he even paid me,” Derpy said, a small bag of bits dangling from her saddlebags.

Twilight froze, staring at the letter as panic built in the back of her mind. “Did he say what it was about?”

“Nope, just that it was really important and that I was to give it to you pronto. Well, it was nice seeing you, but I really gotta go, my boss will kill me if I finish my rounds late again. See ya!” Derpy said and flew of only to get stuck in a tree.

Her friends gathered around her as Twilight kept staring at the letter from Spike, knowing it wasn’t good news. With great reluctance, Twilight opened the top with her magic, pulling out a messy note.

“What is this?” Twilight asked herself as she scanned her eyes over the letters.

“Did he cut out a bunch of letters and glue ‘em to the paper?” Applejack asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Peeking over Twilight’s shoulder, Pinkie looked closely at the letter. “Oooh, I know what that is! That’s a ransom note!” she shouted happily.

“Oh dear…” Twilight said.

*** *** ***

The door of Golden Oaks Library flung open as Twilight and her friends piled in through it, ending up on the floor with Twilight at the bottom of the pile getting smothered by Rainbow’s rear end. After dislodging themselves, the six ponies found the library rather dark, as curtains covered up the windows, only letting a faint sliver of light into the room, bathing it in a deep orange.

Looking around frantically, Twilight’s eyes fell upon the large chair set up in the middle of the room, drenched in shadow with Spike sitting in it, brandishing a top hat and fake moustache, holding a glass of deep yellow liquid. The little dragon smiled darkly, his green eyes penetrating Twilight’s very soul. He looked downright evil.

“Ah, you’re all here at last,” Spike said in a mock evil voice. The six ponies just stared at him, Rainbow Dash having to cover her mouth as a fit of giggles erupted, while Fluttershy dove behind a dumbfounded Applejack in pure terror, peeking out occasionally from behind the farm pony’s back.

“Alright mister, what have you done now?” Twilight said angrily, eyes narrowing.

“I’ve found a way to get what I want,” Spike said, taking a sip of apple juice before putting the glass away, crossing his little fingers, “And it’s good you brought the gang as well, now I can expose to everyone just what kind of secrets you’ve been keeping,” Spike said with a smirk, eyeing the six ponies, especially Twilight, with an evil spark in his eye.

“Jus’ what in the hay are ya’ll talkin’about?” Applejack said, “Twilight aint keepin’ no secrets from us,” she said, stomping her hoof down.

“Ah, poor misguided Applejack,” Spike said, shaking his head, “I’m afraid Twilight here has been keeping a big secret from all of you, but don’t worry, I intend to find out all about it,” he added, turning to Twilight, “I assume you got my letter, Twilight?”

“I did, and I want some really good answers. Now what have you taken from me?” Twilight asked, realizing that she never actually read the ransom note to begin with, and just assumed that it was bad.

“You didn’t even read it?” Spike said, “Man, you’ve really started to let yourself go, Twilight, but no matter, it just makes things even more interesting,” he said, reaching around his back. Bringing out the item behind his back, Spike’s eyes narrowed as the color drained from Twilight’s face, her eyes focused at the little black, leather bound book in Spike’s claw.

“W-Where did you find that?” Twilight stammered.

“In your little…’stash’ behind the drawer in your room,” Spike said, watching his mentor start to tremble slightly.

“You went through my stuff?”

“Yes, and there I found the thing which will bring you down, Twilight,” the little dragon said, twirling his fake moustache.

“Why, that is just inexcusable!” Rarity shouted, glaring angrily at Spike, “I don’t care what you think Twilight has done to you, you do NOT have the right to go through a mare’s personal belongings like that! Now give her that book, right now!”

“No, Rarity, I may have the hots for you, and normally I’d do anything for you, but not this time! I have to know the truth, and if that means having to send this to the princess, so be it!” Spike shouted back.

Twilight went completely white at the mention of the princess. “W-why would you send that to Celestia? Spike, you don’t know what you’re talking about, you can’t send that to her, it’d be a disaster!”

“I know, Twilight, and believe me when I say I really don’t want to do it, but if you’re going to force my hand then that’s what’s going to happen,” Spike said.

Looking at her nervously, Rarity moved up behind Twilight, “Darling, what’s in that book?” she asked nervously. Twilight swallowed hard, not able to answer.

“This book,” Spike began, “Proves that Twilight is illiterate, and that she doesn’t fact check properly,” Spike said, clenching his hand around the black cover. Twilight’s face instantly gained a little color, and her friends all looked shocked.

“What do ya’ll mean by that? Twilight here’s the sharpest mind in all of Equestria,” Applejack said, snorting angrily.

“Well then, allow me to read a passage from this book then, and you’ll see what I mean,” Spike said, putting on a pair of reading glasses and stuck a pipe in his mouth. At the mention of reading, Twilight’s horn flared along with Rarity’s, although the two unicorns stopped in their tracks as little green flames erupted out of Spike’s nostrils.

“Not so fast. If I see even one spark of horn, or any wings flaring, I’ll send this to the princess. Now settle down you two,” Spike said as he flipped open the book and started reading, Twilight cowering on the floor and covering her ears to escape the utter humiliation that was about to unfold. Her friends stood firm, glaring angrily at Spike.

"Twilight Twinkle smirked as she watched the princess of the sun squirm beneath her hooves, her majesty and gracefulness withered away into a pathetic shell of a pony. Twinkle let the whip crack once more, electing a muffled moan from the tied up princess as the black leather made contact with the princess white rump, leaving a bright red mark underneath the pristine fur to add to the growing number. The princess lay beaten and humiliated. Twinkle narrowed her eyes, tugging at the leash holding the once mighty alicorn, forcing her to crawl forward, every move sending a wave of pleasurable pain throughout her body.

Standing before her princess, Twinkle leaned down, removing the blindfold around the princess eyes. The alicorn squinted her eyes at the light, tears forming from the bright assault. The princess mouth was dry, the ball gag pressing against her tongue as Twinkle yanked her upwards until they met eye to eye. Twinkle smiled and leaned closer, licking a stray tear off of the princess cheek. The alicorn barely had time to enjoy the brief moment of pleasure before the whip cracked again, this time over her neck. She fell to the floor, trembling as she did, as Twinkle unleashed a fury of blows against the alicorn’s body, cracking the whip over her thighs and rump, leaving bloody red marks with every blow. The princess cried openly, the pain becoming too intense. Once the whipping died down she dared to glance upwards, only to be met by the sight of Twilight Twinkle’s rear end, the black leather covering the little unicorn’s privates nicely.

“You’ve been a good pet so far, princess,” Twinkle said with a smirk as the alicorn beneath her squirmed in place. “I think you’ve earned yourself a little treat,” the unicorn continued as she removed the black leather thong, exposing her dripping marehood to the stunned princess. With a relieved sigh, Twinkle let herself go, a torrent of her warm, salty juices pouring over the princess beaten and humiliated form, running over her forehead and into her-SLAM!
"

Spike slammed the book shut, watching Twilight and her friends with a frown. The six mares were stunned, mouths agape, Fluttershy having almost passed out behind Applejack, whom looked like she’d been hit by a train. Rarity blushed furiously, covering her mouth with her hooves, while Pinkie stood wide eyed, as if she was waiting for Spike to continue his read. Rainbow Dash’s wings stood firm, the blood veins clearly visible under her skin as she graced the room with Equestrias hardest wingboner ever.

“There, now you all hear. Twilight, you can’t write, you can’t even get your facts straight,” Spike said.

“Eh, what do you mean by that, exactly?” Rarity asked, nudging Twilight carefully with a hoof.

“Isn’t it obvious? She’s clearly unfit to be a princess of knowledge, it’s all in these pages!”

Twilight finally got up, looking at Spike with horror in her eyes.

“Twilight, answer me this, when the hell is juice ever warm! Huh! And salty to boot! You can’t even get the facts about juice straight, it’s supposed to be sweet and cold, not warm and salty! How the hell can you even call yourself well-read if you can’t get such simple facts right! And when the princess sees this, I have no doubt that she’ll put you back in magic kindergarten!” Spike exclaimed.

“Please, Spike, don’t send that to the princess, I’ll do anything, anything you ask!” Twilight shouted, panicking.

“Then turn around. And lift. Your. Tail.” Spike hissed through gritted teeth. Twilight’s eyes were welling up with tears at this point, but with a heavy breath she squinted them shut and spoke.

“Fine!” she sobbed, “You win, I didn’t want to think you could become like this, but I guess I was wrong!”

“Yeah, yeah, less talky more showy,” Spike said, hopping of the chair, still clutching the book in his hands.

Twilight turned around, her friends all looking at her with sadness in their eyes. Gritting her teeth, Twilight lifted her purple tail high, exposing herself to Spike, who took a long good look at Twilight’s nethers. Once he’d had his fill he wiped his forehead.

“Whew! Okay, thank you, now I feel safe again,” Spike said, all his previous evil gone in the blink of an eye.

Twilight froze along with her friends.

“Oh and, here, take your book too, I really don’t want any more to do with your writing,” Spike said, putting the book down.

Twilight instantly grabbed it with her magic, teleporting it back up to her room. “Alright, well, that was certainly an ordeal, who’s hungry?” the little dragon continued, giving not a single thought to the pain he’d just put Twilight through. She on the other hoof, wasn’t having it. Enveloping Spike in a purple aura, she pinned him against the wall as she and her friends formed a half circle around him.

“Not so fast there, mister! You have a lot to answer for! Now tell me what this was all about, and don’t leave out any details!” Twilight growled angrily. Spike looked around at the six ponies glaring at him, with Applejack cracking her hooves, Fluttershy and Rarity staring at him with intense fury, and even Pinkie looked slightly murderous, giving Spike jitters.

“Um, w-well, you see, I heard, a rumor about you, and I just needed to find out the truth,” Spike stammered, realizing what kind of pickle he was in. Twilight narrowed her eyes.

“What rumor? Who’s spreading rumors about me, Spike?”

“Well…you see, Snips and Snails, told me the other day….oh boy, ehhh…” Spike struggled to find the words.

“They told you what?” Twilight growled, leaning closer, her mind boiling with anger.

“Well…they told me you got dick last weekend!”