Octavia stared at herself in the mirror. Her light purple eyes seemed dull and lifeless in her face. Her mane was ruffled and messy. She closed her eyes and hung her head. "This isn't who I am, what is wrong with me?" she muttered the last words with desperation in her voice. She turned on the water and splashed some on her face, trying to erase the image of the broken mare she had seen in the mirror. She ran a brush through her tangled mane and tail and slipped on her bow-tie. Octavia looked in the mirror again, the pain and desperation was still in her eyes but her outward appearance gave the impression of a normal pony.
She walked out of the bathroom and glanced at the clock. "Shit, I'm late...again." She ran out the door and slammed it behind her. Her hooves pounded the sidewalk as she raced to the coffee shop where she usually met the one person in her life that made the hell worthwhile. She skidded to a stop and fixed her now windblown mane before she stepped inside the shop. DJ was sitting at their usual table, tapping her hoof against the table top. She lowered her eyes as she saw that Vinyl had already been through two cups of coffee and was working on her third.
"Where were you Octy? I was getting worried." Vinyl's voice was soft as the mare approached the table and sat across from her.
''I'm sorry Vinyl, I-I over slept again." Octavia stared down at the table, her voice more than a whisper.
The white mare reached across the table and laid a hoof on her shoulder.
"Octavia, what's wrong? You can talk to me, you know that right?" Octavia lowered her head to the table as Vinyl removed her hoof. "I'll go and order us some hot chocolate." Vinyl got up from the table and walked to the counter. As soon as she was away from the table, Octavia raised her head and wiped away the tears on her face.
"If only you knew Vinyl.." Octavia's voice was a little more than a whisper.
She straightened herself up and collected herself together as she saw the mare return holding two hot chocolates. "Here you go Octy, just like you like it." A soft smile spread across their faces as their eyes locked.
"Thank you Vinyl." Octavia sipped the hot chocolate and closed her eyes as she felt the warm liquid run through her body. She opened her eyes and looked at her watch.
"I have to run Vinyl, I have a recital to do in like an hour. " Octavia stood up and reached in her pocket. "Here," She laid a piece of paper on the table "come and see my show tonight." She smiled affectionately as she turned and left the coffee shop.
Once she was outside she walked to A'Lava studio, where she was performing a song that she had written. As she approached the studio, butterflies filled her stomach. This song was from her heart, she was so worried that her audience wouldn't appreciate it. She shook her head and walked into the studio.
"Ahh, Octavia, come right this way to your dressing room." She followed the pony behind the receptionist desk to a small room filled with bright lights and make-up. A groan escaped her lips as she sat down in the chair farthest away from the make-up covered counter.
"I don't need any make-up and my mane and tail are fine. It's the music I want people to concentrate on, not my appearance." She closed her eyes and napped for the remaining hour before her show.
"Octavia..Octavia!" She could feel someone shaking her shoulder. "You have to go on in ten minutes. Come and let me comb your mane and clean up your face." She could feel herself being dragged to a chair.
"Turn down these lights." She groaned and closed her eyes.
"Just lean back and close your eyes, I'll take care of this while you rest." The mare, Lightning Chaser, quickly combed and straightened Octavia's mane and put light make up on her face. "Alright, I'm done Octavia. Time to go and rock the stage." The mare smiled softly as Octavia's eyes opened.
She got up from the chair and walked toward the stage, the butterflies returning to her stomach. "I can do this, I can do this.." She chanted in her head as she got onto the stage and grabbed her bow. Her eyes scanned the audience and found an empty chair. Octavia's confidence diminished as she realized that Vinyl wasn't there to support her. The lights dimmed and she readied her bow on her cello. She gave a slight nod to show that she was ready and the piano started softly.
Octavia drew her bow across her cello skillfully, letting a symphony of notes dance from her bow and entrance the audience. She softly cleared her throat and started singing the song that she has written from her heart. She saw some members of her audience wipe the tears from their faces as her song wrapped around their heart. As her concert came to a close, she could feel tears well up in her eyes. The curtains closed and she ran off stage to her dressing room. Once she was inside, she collapsed on the couch and started crying. She felt a hoof on her shoulder and she looked up to see that Lightning was trying to comfort her.
"What's wrong?'' The mare's voice was thick with concern.
"Nothing, I'm heading home." Octavia stood up and walked out of the studio.
The night air stung as it hit her tear stained face. She ran home as fast as her hooves would carry her. She finally made it to her house and got inside. The door slammed behind her. She walked to the kitchen and poured herself two shots of vodka, which she downed together. She gritted her teeth as the alcohol burned her throat. She placed the bottle back in her cabinet and put the glass in the sink before making her way to the den. She turned on some music and collapsed in the recliner. "I'm so stupid! I knew that I shouldn't have invited her. Why do I even like her? I mean yeah, she is beautiful and graceful and funny.." She trailed off as the vodka numbed her body. "I'm sinking farther and farther into this darkness and nopony is trying to save me."
She got up and turned off all the lights and grabbed the razor blade from the bathroom before returning to the recliner. Tears fell from her eyes as she realized that she was alone. She leaned back and closed her eyes. "I know this is wrong, and I shouldn't do it but...this is the only way I know I am alive." She whispered the last few words as she drug the blade across the inside of her wrist. Her instincts told her to scream in pain but she swallowed it and sliced the other one. Blood slowly dripped from the cuts to the floor. Thanks to the alcohol, Octavia couldn't feel any pain. She glanced down at the cuts when she heard a soft rasp at the door. Without thinking, she stood up and answered it, feeling the blood drip down to her hooves. She swallowed and opened the door.
"Hey Octavi- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Vinyl's face turned pale as she looked at the blood stained Octavia.
"You weren't there.." Tears fell from her eyes as she back away and ran to the bedroom.
She heard the door slam as she collapsed on the bed. Vinyl turned on the light as she entered the room. "Octavia please, talk to me.'' Hearing the pain and sadness in Vinyl voice, Octavia sat up and looked at her.
"There is a first-aid kit in the bathroom cabinet." She hung her head as the white mare returned and took her hoof between hers. She watched the pony wrap gauze and bandage up both of her wrists.
"Have you been drinking?" Vinyl's sharp magenta eyes stared straight into Octavia's dull purple ones. The light grey mare nodded her head in shame.
"Only two shot of vodka.." Her voice seemed almost as soft as a whisper. Vinyl walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down, putting her hoof on Octavia's back.
"Come here." She turned and sat beside the white unicorn. "Now Octavia, I don't know what exactly is going on in your life. I don't know what demons you're fighting but I want to help. You don't need to cut yourself anymore." Vinyl picked up her bandaged wrist and kissed both bandages softly. "You don't need to use the alcohol to numb yourself anymore, there isn't any need to drown yourself in the darkness alone anymore." She pulled Octavia close to her chest and wrapped her arms around the shaking pony.
"Vinyl, I..I look at myself in the mirror and shudder to think that I am still alive. I'm alone in this place. I drink two shots before I go to bed every night to numb the pain in my heart. My nightmares are so vivid that I scream at the top of my lungs. I'm scared to close my eyes. Everypony must think that I am okay because that is how I try to act but inside I am falling apart. All of my life, all I have ever done is mess things up and hurt ponies." Tears formed in her eyes. "I don't wanna hurt anypony anymore." As she finished that sentence she lost her grip on everything that she was holding back and collapsed onto Vinyls chest in tears. Vinyl softly cooed in her ear, trying to soothe the poor mare. Octavia's lungs heaved and shuddered as she finally let go of everything inside of her. Vinyl rocked her slowly, trying to calm her down.
"Octavia, you aren't alone. I swear." She heard a sniffle as the broken pony looked up at her.
"Then who is with me?" Vinyl placed a hoof under her chin and raised her lips equal with her own.
"I'm with you. I always have been, and I always will be." She whispered softly as she pressed their lips together. Octavia 's eyes widened as Vinyl's lips lingered on hers, then she closed her eyes and gave into the unicorns soft and gentle kiss.
After a few minutes Vinyl withdrew and smiled at Octavia. "I'm never going to leave your side. I promise." She kissed the top of Octavia's head and stood up. "I think I should head on home..It's already after midnight." Octavia reached for her and pulled her back down beside her and curled up to her.
"Stay here for the night. Please?" Desperation was thick on her voice as she pleaded the unicorn to stay. Vinyl chuckled and used her magic to turn off the lights before she pulled Octavia close and covered them both with the blanket. With Vinyl beside her, she fell into a deep and peaceful sleep for once, she wasn't afraid anymore.
Warm sunlight shone through the curtains and landed on Octavia's face. She opened her eyes and was a little surprised at what she saw. Vinyl still had her against her chest, the unicorns head was resting on her own. Octavia smiled and wrapped her arms her sleeping partner. "Good morning Vinyl." Octavia giggled and nuzzled against the pony's chest.
"Well Good Morning, somepony is happy." Vinyl's voice was soft.
Octavia sat up and got out of bed. "How about I go and make us some breakfast?" A radiant smile came across Octavia's face as she saw the unicorn's ears perk up at the sound of food.
"That sounds amazing Octy, do you need any help?" Vinyl stretched and sat up. Her cobalt blue and cyan mane was messy and sticking up everywhere.
"I can manage it. I'll come and get you when It's ready, just rest." Octavia went and kissed the unicorns head and walked to the kitchen. She grabbed a frying pan and a baking tray from the cabinet and set it on the stove. She went and grabbed apples, eggs, and cinnamon rolls from the refrigerator. She scrambled the eggs and added apple pieces while the cinnamon rolls baked in the oven. The warm scent of the baking cinnamon filled the kitchen as Octavia finished the eggs and apples. Once they were served on the plates at the table, Octavia went and got the cinnamon rolls from the oven and placed two on each plate. She drizzled the icing over them as they cooled, and grabbed glasses from the cabinet. She filled them with orange juice and smiled at her hard work. "Time to go and wake sleeping beauty." She chuckled as she returned to the bedroom.
"Hey Vinyl, breakfast is ready!" She walked into the bedroom to see the white unicorn asleep again. She walked to her side of the bed and kissed her forehead. "Hey, your breakfast is going to get cold." Vinyl stirred and smiled.
"Alright, c'mon let's go eat." The unicorn stood and walked with Octavia to the kitchen. "Wow, you made this yourself?" Vinyl stared in amazement at the food before her.
"Y-yeah. My mom taught me how to cook when I was a filly. I hope you like it." Octavia's cheeks were flushed a light red. They sat across from each other at the table. Vinyl took a bite of the food in front of her.
"Octy this is amazing!" Vinyl stuffed her face and finished her food quickly, then she gulped down her orange juice. Octavia chuckled lightly as she looked at Vinyl. "Wh-what? Do I have something on my face?" Octavia nodded and handed Vinyl a napkin. She quickly wiped her face and looked away. They finished breakfast without saying another word.
"I'll get the dishes Octy." Vinyl used her magic to lift the dishes and place them in the sink.
"So now that breakfast is over, I think we need to talk." Octavia's face grew serious as they walked to the living room. The blood stains were still on the carpet from last night. As they passed over them, Octavia shuddered. "I've been in a very dark place for about a year now. Vinyl, I wish I could tell you what started it but I honestly cannot remember. Some days are worse than others. It's like I'm fighting myself and I am losing. When I lie down at night after drinking my vodka, I see you, and I run to you but no matter how fast I run, you're always ahead of me. I can't catch up to you. I scream your name but you just turn around and ignore me. It hurts. That's when I start screaming. Some nights, I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and crying. I have to drink a few more shots until I'm drunk enough to pass out. There is something really wrong with me, I can't escape whatever has this hold on me." Octavia lowered her head onto her hoofs in defeat.
"Octavia, you aren't alone in that darkness anymore. I don't know why you're dreaming of such a hell but that's not going to happen. You mean the world to me honey. I've been shy about telling you because I can't handle rejection. I don't want you to sit there and try to fight this by yourself anymore. I'm right beside you. From now until forever, if you ever think you are falling into that darkness again, I want you to come and tell me. I'm not going to let you drown in this. You're stronger than what you think you are. You don't need vodka anymore, you don't need to cut your wrists anymore. If you feel like you want to cut yourself then you're going to take my arm, look me in the eyes and cut as many times as you would yourself." Octavia's eyes were wide as she heard Vinyl's words.
"I couldn't hurt you like that!" Tears formed in Octavia's eyes. She stared at Vinyl, her body shaking as she finally understood everything that Vinyl was trying to tell her. She stared at Vinyl, her eyes were wide with shock.
"Do you understand Octy? Every time you cut yourself, you're cutting me. I don't want you to be in pain anymore. Please, let me help you. I want you to smile every single day. I don't want to see you're beautiful purple eyes cry anymore tears. Let me help you. Please?" Vinyl wrapped her arms around Octavia, pulling her close against her chest. Octavia laid her head on her shoulder and wrapped her arms around Vinyl.
"Thank you, for everything that you have done for me. I'm gonna get better, I promise. I wrote a song that I wanted to play for you but when I performed it on stage, you weren't there. Where were you?" Octavia's voice was on the verge of breaking. Vinyl took a deep breath and pulled back from Octavia to be able to look the earth pony in the face.
"I wasn't there because I didn't think I would be able to take hearing your beautiful voice and cello." Vinyl's face turned red as she looked into Octavia's shining purple eyes.
"My music isn't that good, I just play from the heart. You inspired that song. You have been my inspiration for a lot of my music. I know that you may think I am weird in saying this but it is true." Octavia's cheeks flushed as she told Vinyl the truth she had been holding in too long. They stood there holding each other for a while, soaking in each other's presence. "May I play for you?" Octavia looked up to her, her eyes pleading.
"I would be honored." Vinyl smiled and sat on the couch as Octavia grabbed her cello, bow, and sheet music. After making sure that everything was set and ready for her to play, she took a deep breath and began. As she drew her bow skillfully and gracefully, she began to sing. Her voice was beautiful, soft, and full of emotion. Vinyl closed her eyes and let Octavia's words flow through her heart and touch her soul. A symphony of notes danced from her cello, engulfing the room in a sweet melody. As her song came to a close, tears feel from Vinyl's eyes.
"Vinyl?" Octavia put her bow on the music stand and walked to the silent unicorn. "D-did you like it?" She reached a hoof towards her.
"Octavia, I am at a loss for words. I have never heard something so beautiful and heart warming before. Thank you for sharing this with me." She hugged Octavia close to her, burying her head in the earth pony's shoulder.
"Oh, my. I didn't think I did that good." Her cheeks flushed. She wrapped her arms around Vinyl and they stood there, embracing each other until Vinyl spoke.
"Can we go and lie down? It's already almost time for Princess Luna to raise the moon." She smiled softly.
"Of course, today has been a rough day. Thank you for everything Vinyl, I mean it." Octavia grabbed Vinyl's hoof and led her to the bedroom. Octavia turned off the light and curled into the bed beside Vinyl, cuddling up to the mare who had stolen her heart.
Author's Note
Guys, I'm sorry about this sucky chapter. I need a proof reader. If you wanna help, you can either message me or e-mail me, thank you for your help. Correct my grammar and pony language if needed. I'm trying to balance a story and preparations for college and the military. Thank you.
