Draconic Troubles

by Davesknd

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Angel
Length: 24707

A Dragon will stay in Ponyville for a while. And it wont be Spike! The future will be stressful!

Twilight and Spike are sent a message from Princess Celestia, stating that a dragon will be staying in Ponyville. Spike has to go into hiding, Twilight has to organize the arrival and the others have to cope with the usual insanity. Oh... and the crusaders are doing their thing. Do I smell doom?

Published 2011-10-12 20:56:53 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-04 15:53:48 UTC

Intro: Those with and without scales

My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro, Lauren Faust and all the wonderful people making this show for little girls for people from 17-30. Let's all thank them!

"Tree sap? Ah understand the pine needles, but the sap?"

"I guess we are not supposed to be Cutie Mark Crusader door wreath-makers!" Sweetie Belle mumbled, very disappointed and very sticky.

"More like wreath-wreckers!" a sage voice commented from under the bathtub. "Next time, try putting your monstrosity on the door, not the only part of the library that still produces sap."

Twilight lovingly put more soap into the filly-filled tub. "Maybe you should try to find something less… exotic?"

"Like?" the fillies asked in unison.

"Getting clean?" Twilight offered, scrubbing the one crusader closest to her. "That sap must have been decades old… It's almost amber!"

"Amber?" came the voice of a hungry dragon from below.

"Wait a few more millennia, Spike. Now be a nice guy and get me some… forget it! Bring me some of the iron wool you use on your scales!"

"But we don't have any scales, Twilight!" the trio wailed.

"Tough love, ladies! You want to be clean?"

Several painful minutes later, three battered fillies were patched up, while a slightly wet disciple of magic and friendship returned a book on first aid to its shelf.

"So, what shall we try next?"

"How about dragon feeding?" Spike offered "Just ask Twilight to show you, so you get the hang of it, and then repeat!"

"A pretty transparent attempt, Spike," Twilight called from below.

"And who wants an eating dragon on his flank? Or a full bowl?"

"Hey, I don't eat from a bowl… usually… most of the time!"

"That's because your food hardly ever makes it to any kind of dishes. You usually let it disappear first," Twilight said as she returned to the bathroom.

"Oh, Twi, not in front of the l-" the young dragon started, but never finished his complaint. A puff of green fire emerged from his mouth and formed a sealed letter. "Can't these letters ever arrive when I'm not talking?" Spike muttered as he unrolled it.

"Maybe you girls should think about your future crusades somewhere else," Twilight said with a bit of nervousness and curiosity. Post from the princess was a mixed blessing. She liked hearing from her mentor, but it usually wasn't a positive message… at least when it wasn't an immediate answer to her reports on the magic of friendship.

The crusaders left surprisingly quietly.

"To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. Knowing you, I assume your studies concerning the magic of friendship are coming along nicely. It is my duty to inform you that I received word from a dragon. Unlike the last one we encountered, this one is interested in passing through our beloved Equestria. I have been asked to offer him a rest in Ponyville, for it is considered—WHAT?" Spike interrupted himself. "This is neutral ground? What a rip!"

"What is it, Spike?" Twilight asked, obviously surprised by her assistant's outburst.

The young dragon pouted at her. "We dragons are highly territorial, Twilight. That's why I didn't come with you to drive the red one off. He would have kicked my tail, or worse: just stayed, to spite me." Spike rolled his eyes "My territory is Canterlot. And I assumed living here meant that I had claimed Ponyville as well. But apparently this is neutral ground!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" the lilac unicorn asked.

"That means that I am supposed to let that guy stay and not pretend that I just allow him to stay for a favour."

Twilight's eyes open in slight surprise. That did explain a lot about Spike's behaviour. And the behaviour of that one dragon in the Everfree Forest.

"So… what does the rest of the letter say?"

"Oh, right." The dragon cleared his throat and continued: "So please inform the rest of Ponyville. And Spike, please remain unseen. I worry that your presence might offend or even encourage the traveller to claim Ponyville." Spike finished the letter through his teeth: "I'm sorry that we have to take precautions such as these. Please remain calm and keep Fluttershy on stand-by, just in case. My heartfelt regards to my faithful student and to you, Spike. Yours dearly, Princess Celestia of Equestria."

Twilight had taken a bit of distance from her assistant. The last time she had seen him this angry was just a day before he tried to frame an owl and ran away.

"So… I guess we'd better tell the others," Twilight offered.

"Yes. Ponyville has to be defended!" he spat. "Let's call FLUTTERSHY!"

The unicorn winced slightly as the little dragon waltzed past her. She followed quietly and very worried. Spike was really angry now.

Somewhere outside, the two overheard three voices: "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DRAGON EXPLORERS!"

Two going down!

My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Lauren Faust, her team, and the many people who work tirelessly to redeem the words "Twilight" and "Sparkle"!

„Maybe if we throw something bigger?“ Spike offered .

"I won't throw anything bigger than… that rock I already threw!" Twilight protested.

The saviour of Ponyville was currently hiding in a tree close to her cottage.

"It's your first line of defence," Spike teased, almost a little too happy.

"Go fetch Angel!" Twilight growled, her eyes on the tree "He usually gets this pony moving."

As Spike disappeared, Twilight fought down the urge to fling another rock. The first one just scratched the trunk. Fluttershy was somewhere in the—

"EEEEEEH!" A vanilla pudding-coloured pegasus quickly approached the ground and landed with a low yelp. Seconds later, a pink pony with a combination of cotton candy and a coiffure's worst nightmare of a mane landed next to her.

"I really appreciate that you wanted to help me find some mistletoes for the next winter kissing party, but you can't shake them off by shivering, silly," Pinkie Pie said with a cheerful voice.

"Pinkie, it's summer," Twilight stated, currently busy examining Fluttershy.

"You can never start too soon, Twilight!" announced the party-pony.

"Anyways… are you okay, Fluttershy? That was quite a fall."

Fluttershy's teeth clattered. The pegasus was clearly unable to speak at the moment.

"Ohhh! I get it! It's a game! That's 'Is your harness too tight or do you just walk funny?' in Morse code! What do I win?" Pinkie Pie cheered happily.

Fluttershy on the other hoof slowly assumed a fetal position and continued to transmit a very long and complex message.

"She isn't Morse-ing, Pinkie," Twilight groaned "I just wanted to tell Fluttershy first, that a dragon (clattering frequency increased) is going to stay in Ponyville (increased again) for a little while (reaching the point of dental emergency) and that Fluttershy has the most experience if it comes to dealing with adult dragons. And wow… I think she is digging herself into the ground by shivering. That can't be healthy."

Luckily Spike arrived at that exact moment or Fluttershy would have reached critical frequency in which her cells would have evaporated. That would have made her explode, only to explode again.

Angel immediately jumped off Spike's slightly bruised head and started to move up front of the shivering pony. Lovingly, the bunny allowed himself to trip and held his leg, triggering the only reflex within Fluttershy that was stronger than her dracophobia. Almost in an instant his leg was examined, patched up and kissed better, all while the quiet, gentle pegasus softly told him that all would be fine soon. Angel hopped away happily, but kept close enough, so he could snap his mistress/footstool out of another stupor.

"Well… as I said. A… colleague?" Twilight started, one eye on Spike, who was currently back in his anger phase "Co-being? C… creature of common characteristics?" She finally offered, trying to ignore the fuming dragon. "Anyways, he or she is about to-"

"SHE?" Spike burst out suddenly, his temperament making a 180° turn.

"Well, the princess wasn't too precise on that," Twilight stated, surprised by the change in her assistants demeanour. Suddenly he seemed… contemplating. The unicorn put the thought into the 'catastrophe for after the current one' drawer of her mind and put her focus back on Fluttershy.

"Anyways: A dragon is coming, will stay! No choice!" the magician stated, hoping to get it out quickly "And I would like you to be… on close call… since you can, you know…"

"MORE GUESSING GAMES! Stare down a cockatrice? Befriend a Manticore? Make a grown dragon cry? Stalk on the paws of kindness while wielding the claws of guilt? OH! Pull off a birds nest as a hat!" Pinkie Pie offered with joy.

"All of the above," Twilight sighed, used to worse logical jumps from the element of laughter.

"So… just in case?" Fluttershy asked carefully "I won't have to talk to him or get close to him or, you know, leave the safety of the closet in my locked and barricaded basement as long as he behaves?"

"No, I guess not," Twilight answered, surrender filling her heart. What had she expected?

"I guess I can do that," Fluttershy muttered. She was somewhere between hiding behind her hair and hiding behind something more massive. But once you had Fluttershy's word, it was all you needed.

Twilight said her farewell and left Fluttershy to her new activity of nailing her windows shut and taking measurements of her roof. Probably to fit some anti-air weaponry onto it.

Pinkie Pie followed her in her cheery and jumpy fashion, while Spike was still deep in thought.

"What's on your mind, Spike?" Twilight asked after a short while.

"It's just… it might be a female dragon," the dragon said quietly.

"Oh, Rarity is getting some competition?" Twilight teased with a nudge.

Spike looked at her defiantly "Nothing could ever take her place in my heart!" he proclaimed.

"So, what would it change?" Twilight asked.

"Girls are…" Spike started, his eyes going left and right quickly, as if to ensure Rarity would not materialize suddenly. "Scary…! Male dragons are simple. They don't ask questions, they just kick the stuffing out of you and laugh while you run away. But female dragons… they are… tough."

"Tough?" Twilight asked in surprise.

"Did you ever read the Draconomicon?" Spike finally asked with a sigh.

"I tried…" the unicorn admitted "But last time I checked, I didn't speak Drago… Draco… whatever that language is called. I mean, the letters move!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Neither do I! Well, at least not very well. But I asked the princess to give me a translated copy. I used it to get the hang of Draconic as well as read up on my kind. Gotta stay in touch with your roots."

"And what did it say about female dragons?" Twilight asked, honest interest in her voice. She could practically smell the things she might learn. Dragons were so mysterious and interesting... Well, the ones that didn't live with her, at least.

"They are a bit bigger and a bit stronger than male dragons. And they don't just fight for their territory. When another female enters, they fight and they usually aren't happy with letting the other one leave without a lasting memento. Not that they kill each others, but the other one will remember." Spike swallowed. "They have to make sure their eggs are safe and all, so they have to be extra threatening. But worse is it whenever a guy comes close." His eyes moved, scanning the area around them quickly, just before he pulled Twilight closer, to whisper: "They might ask them… the questions."

"The what, now?"

"The questions!" Spike stressed "Like, 'How many gems do you have?' 'What have you contributed to society?' Or 'When did you last burn down a kingdom?' In the case of evil dragons only, of course!" He added quickly "And since they are bigger, stronger and tougher than you, you have no choice to answer and answer honestly! They WILL check up on it. And then, they spread the answers amongst each other. That's one of the reasons why we have neutral grounds. Since we are very mobile, once we grow wings, but hardly ever move a lot, this is the only way we can somehow find partners. If some female likes what she hears, she might pay you a visit and ask you to meet on neutral ground for a date."

One of Twilight's eyebrows was about to touch her horn. No wonder he always tries to score a date with a pony. That does sound scary… As soon as one girl runs into him, all the others know everything about him.

"And I am your assistant!" Spike said, stopping dead in his tracks. "I am the minion of a PONY!"

"You're no minion, Spike," Twilight stated, but the little dragon wasn't listening.

"I'll be the laughingstock of my race! 'Isn't that the one who tried to hide in the tree?' 'Didn't he work for a short-lived-equine?' 'Doesn't he have a crush on that gorgeous, yet scaleless girl?' 'Doesn't he have any gems on his own?'" He grabbed Twilight by the mane and pulled her face-to-face. "MY LIFE IS OVER!"

"Spike," Twilight said calmly, resisting the urge to magic-slap him. "You are a baby dragon. Don't you think that you are kind of… underage and not important enough?"

"The book was pretty clear about this part, Twi. No age restriction!" Spike answered, still refusing to let her go. "My only hope is that it's a guy or that she won't notice me!" He suddenly let go and stormed off towards the library, loudly screaming: "I have to get gems into the basement and nail it shut!"

"Four people have heard the news and two are hiding in their basements…" the lilac unicorn mumbled "I just hope that number isn't representative for the rest of town."

"We could hide in the attic to even it out!" Pinkie offered.

"Not helping, Pinkie!"

Silence is Pinkie

My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro and the people who make the show. If I would own it, this would include more swearing, swords and Luna!Because Luna ROCKS!

"Now let me get this straight… A dragon-"

"Or dragoness!"

"Or dragoness will come to Ponyville to rest up during a flight. And now Spike, who has the most information about dragons, and Fluttershy, who beat the last dragon, are both hiding in their respective basements?"

"Exactly, Miss Mayor," Twilight answered the beige mare with the elegant glasses. This was a wonderful start.

"Thank you for informing me so quickly. I think we can avoid a panic, if we just call in a big announcement," the major said with a sigh "I guess I should have prepared for this a little better. My predecessor left me that note and map for a reason."

"Map?" Twilight asked in surprise.

"Yes. Wait a second," the mare answered and disappeared behind a closet door for a while. She then returned with a rather long tube. "Most ponies in higher positions have one of those. Luckily dragons tend to brag a lot if the borders change."

Twilight watched with interest as the mayor opened the tube and produced a rolled up piece of old parchment. Unrolled, it showed a rather basic map of Equestria and parts of the surrounding nations. Cities, as well as other landmarks, were shown, but the borders were different entirely. Most of them ran as double lines with no space between them, but some had small pockets. Mountain tops, cities, small forests, swamps... It seemed random at first, but after a short while of looking, Twilight understood. They had about the same distance from each other, stood out as landmarks, and would provide some privacy. I just saw one who was tired and one who was enraged... but this is so reasonable! She thought. And I know Spike! I have to remind myself of him being a dragon from time to time. I wonder...

Her eyes moved over to Canterlot. It had a tiny circle around it, with a question mark in the middle. Below was the word "purple." The other territories had names, colours, and genders in their centre. Some were very long, but others were quite short. Why did they know that about him, but not his name?

Finally, she glanced at Ponyville. Empty. Right at the border of the Everfree Forest was a line showing the end of a green dragon's territory. Now she knew his name. They had had no time for exchanging pleasant chatter when she ran away from him with Spike and his owl co-worker.

"As you see, we are neutral here," said the mayor calmly, "and I was warned that this might lead to a dragon staying here. But honestly, they live so long, I don't think the town was half of its current size when the last one rested here." She sighed quietly. "I will set up an announcement in the afternoon. Do you have any... tips how we should tackle this problem?"

Twilight swallowed and focused her thoughts. "They are very..." An idea hit her suddenly and she almost shouted: "Proud and into reputation! Get Pinkie Pie to make a little, NO! A big 'Welcome Dragon' party! I'll ask Rarity to find us some gemstones and maybe hold a little speech! Little flags to wave! Treat it like a visit from the princess! We need stands with caramel apples! Make sure everyone is happy to have that dragon here!"

The mayor's eyes widened. "I expected a curfew and maybe a small delegation to greet..."

"NO!" Twilight answered firmly. "Praise, praise, praise! They don't even care if it's flat and blunt! Dragons love it!"

The mayor nodded. Twilight was a weird unicorn, but she had managed to befriend almost every major businesspony, organize the winter wrap-up, save this town from that sky-bear and was like a princess-magnet. The mayor liked her and was thankful. But the fact that the lilac unicorn also brought positive publicity and gave her a chance to meet Celestia in person sold her.

"I will follow your lead, then!" she finally stated. "You have had the most contact with dragons, so it is the only logical step. I just hope you are right."

Twilight nodded and was about to leave, but stopped herself in the last moment. "Just one more thing!" she said and levitated the mayor's quill over to her. A few scratches later, she left. Canterlot was now in the possession of "Spike."

"So, you think that he or she knows me?" Rainbow Dash asked with a big grin on her face. "I did kick that red one really good! And who wouldn't remember THESE HOOVES?" She jabbed at the air a few times. "He probably told the entire world about that blow!"

"I think Fluttershy earned more attention, Dash," Twilight answered, her eyelids halfway down.

"But I have more staying power! Physically AND in memory! You remember 'that rainbow one' forever! But that 'kinda-yellow, pink-maned one?'" She shook her head and proudly pointed at herself. "Here stands your pegasus!"

"Look! All I want is you to keep the sky clear enough for an enormous dragon to land safely. The last thing we want is a bad view. Things are going to be difficult enough without that dragon landing on a house!"

"Yeah... what insurance company would cover that?" the pegasus asked. "So, consider the sky cleared!"

"Good! I trust you on that one!" Twilight said and was about to go. "And please no 'just a couch' leftovers. You can use real cushions, just like everyone else!"

"But clouds are much softer," Rainbow Dash muttered as she flew off.

"A dragon visiting Ponyville? I assume that he won't have any riches with him when he is travelling. But then again, maybe I can..." a white unicorn said, from behind a folding screen.

"I don't want another failed attempt on jewels from you, Rarity," Twilight said, feeling a mild headache approaching. "I want you to give a speech to flatter the dragon as much as possible!"

"Well, of course I can do that," Rarity answered. "But don't expect me to ignore any treasures he might carry. I'm not made of stone, you know."

"I think I know a cockatrice who can fix that..." Twilight mumbled very softly. "And I would also like to ask you about a small favour."

"Certainly, my dear," the silky voice started again. "What can Rarity do for you?"

"Could you bring a plate of gems over to Spike? And take some precious ones! I'll pay for them later."

"Certainly. He is in the library?"

"Last time I looked he was hogging supplies in order to prepare for a longer hold-up in the basement, so he should be there soon. Just let yourself in and wait. I doubt that he'll be long." Twilight muttered levitating the door key to Rarity. "Now, I just have to find Pinkie Pie!"

"She came in with you!" Rarity said, looking out from behind the screen.

"HI!" Pinkie bounced.

"WHAT?" the lilac unicorn yelled, feeling her heart stop for a moment. "What? How? Where?"

"Silly, I was with you the whole time," Pinkie Pie said happily.

"NO! You were not!" Twilight answered, mentally checking her grasp on reality.

"Yes, I was! The author just forgot to mention me and thought this would be a funny reveal!" giggled the earth pony "A bit of a weird save, but why not?"

"I... see," Twilight answered, hoping to never find out what exactly was wrong or right with this friend of her.s "Is that the same author that revolutionized our franchise?"

"No, this one doesn't get paid!" Pinkie answered with a giggle.

"Anyway... I need your skills as well," the unicorn started, trying to ignore the obvious assault on the fabric of time and space.

"Since I was there, I heard everything!" Pinkie smiled. "I just hope that the dragon likes parties! Because he or she is about to meet the pony who parties the pinkest!"

"Thank you, Pinkie. I assume you'll be visiting Applejack for ingredients then. I'll tag along... so the entire group will be in the loop," Twilight added, seeing how Rarity was already fetching a bunch of gems. "And I don't think Rarity wants us to stay in her boutique while she is gone."

"Nonsense, dear!" the white unicorn said. "You can stay as long as you want. Sweetie Belle should drop by after playing with her friends and I'll know if you steal anything! You won't be able to resist showing it off!" Rarity let a very sophisticated giggle leave her lips. "I jest, of course!"

"OH! And could you do me one more favour?" Twilight asked suddenly. "Can you lend me some paper and a quill?"

"Sure, Twilight. Just on the counter."

Twilight walked over and scribbled a quick letter:

Dear Princess Celestia

So far, we were able to come up with a plan to deal with the dragon in a civilized way. I am quite sure that we can avoid a panic. Now I would like to know when exactly the dragon will arrive and maybe what we can expect. At least the name would be useful, so we can write the right one on the banner for the welcome party.

Also, I would like to ask for the translated copy of the Draconomicon you gave to Spike. I think that by learning more about the nature of dragons, we will be able to please and distract the visitor. If he or she is happy, it might be easier to hide Spike.

Thank you in advance.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

"Could you ask Spike to send it to the princess?"

"Most certainly," Rarity answered, apparently ready to leave.

All three ponies left the house quietly, Rarity walking off into the direction of the library. Twilight looked after her.

"So, why did you send her to Spike?" Pinkie Pie asked. "I thought you wanted her to hold a speech. Shouldn't she prepare for that?"

"Because I feel bad about how I treated him..." Twilight muttered, holding her head low. "The issue with Owloysius... It never occurred to me, but Spike sees himself just as much as my assistant as he sees himself as a dragon. I thought he would be happy to have help! But all he saw was another assistant trying to take his territory. He even held back. His instincts would have forced him to use violence against an intruder." She sighed. "I hope Rarity gets to the library before he is done preparing and hides in the basement! Or does anything stupid."

"Me too! Dragons in the basement are way beyond her capacity!" Pinkie agreed. "She might be a good damsel in distress, but that Pony sucks at dungeon crawling!"

"Wait, what?"

Books fall and you die!

My little Pony is owned by Hasbro. We have to thank Lauren Faust and her team for this wonderful show. We have to blame video games for the rest.

(The outcomes of the rolls were created by using a real 20 sided die and Rarity´s character sheet. Don´t ask where I got the latter, because I will not tell!)

BOOKS FALL AND YOU DIE

A Pony Role Playing Game

It is a sunny noon. You see a tree with glass windows, a door and a balcony. The library of Ponyville. Spike the dragon is rumoured to be inside.

Do you wish to start the adventure?

Yes <-

No

Player Rarity entered the game as designer/sorceress.

Checking inventory:

Saddlebag: Gemstones, Letter from Twilight Sparkle (sealed), Hand mirror
Small bag of bits: 15 bits

You stand in front of the door. Twilight Sparkle left it unlocked, since she didn´t plan to be gone long. Spike may or may not be back yet.

Rarity uses "knock" on the door.

Rarity rolls listen: 15

You hear nothing moving inside. There are some sounds around you, but nothing out of the ordinary. The wind is gently blowing and the town is just as busy as it usually is at this time.

Rarity:" Hmm... I guess he is still fetching supplies. Twilight did tell me to wait inside."

Rarity cast "simple levitation" on the door.

The door opens with a creaking noise.

Rarity triggered a trap! - Rolls Reflex Save: 20

You see a small rope on top of the door disappearing upwards; quickly you jump backwards, as an enormous wreath, about as big as a wagon-tire falls out of the leaves above. It is covered in tree sap, ribbons and other things that were probably supposed to be decorative. The final result seems to be begging for a box of matches to be put out of its misery.

Rarity: "Are those my Ribbons? Sweetybelle is in trouble! And who arranged the wreath like that? This is dangerous! Even though... this wreath asks to be hung somewhere, where it can´t be seen."

Rarity enters the library.

Rarity rolls spot: 10

The library is quiet and dark. Rows of books surround you. The middle serves as Twilights working place and study hall. Several lecterns are spread around the room. An owl is sitting on one of them, apparently sleeping tightly. All windows and shutters are closed.

Rarity: "This is weird. Usually it´s bright in here. Twilight hates reading at bad light."

You walk over to the owl.

Rarity rolls Spot: Natural 20

Rarity: "That isn´t Owloysius! It´s a really hastily made replica!"

Rarity casts "Glimmer!"

Your horn emits light, vanquishing the close darkness. All optical checks at -5 difficulty.

Rarity rolls Search: 9

You see a small rope leading away from the owl, into some of the floorboards. Additionally, there is a spring behind the owl.

Rarity: "Is this a trap?"

Rarity rolls Disable Device: 14 (untrained at -5)

Trap safely triggered!

The trap goes off and the owl is launched in the direction of the floorboards and shatters into a cloud of hard plaster.

Rarity: "SHRIEK!"

You move a few steps backwards.

Rarity: "Spike actually booby trapped the library? I can´t believe it! Well, I guess he is in the basement then. But I should be careful!"

Rarity takes 20: Search!

There appear to be no more traps on this floor.

Rarity: "Spike must be really scared, if he goes through such measures. And if he thinks that the dragon would fit through the door..."

You move towards the door.

Rarity: "I better be on the save side!"

Rarity rolls search: 13

Trap detected: One of the bookcases on the second floor is tilted and a rope is going away from the top of the door. If opened, the bookcase would probably empty itself on the person below.

Rarity: "Poor darling... He must be scared out of his mind that he goes through such lengths."

Rarity uses "Levitation" on the bookcase.

Rarity triggered a trap! - NO SAVE!

The little legs on the back of the bookcase were missing! As soon as it is upright, it falls over, pulling on the rope. The door is slammed open with extreme force! You find yourself between door and wall.

Rarity is slammed into the wall: 10 points of blunt damage!

Rarity get´s the de-buff "Flattened!"!

Rarity: "Touché, Spike! But if I trigger one more trap, I will turn your tail into a very elegant belt! It will go nicely to the boots I´ll make from the rest of you!"

You slowly remove yourself from the wall.

Rarity: "SPIKE! It´s me, Rarity! Please come out of the basement, so we can talk! I don´t feel like being smashed by a something that is down there! It´s probably dusty and full of cobwebs."

A small shivering dragon slowly appears in the darkness.

GAME OVER

You gained 2800 EXP

Level up!

Wisdom +1
7 Skill Points obtained!

You obtain Lore: "Dragons are naturals at booby traps"

Trapped and Spiked

My Little Pony does not belong to me! It belongs to Hasbro and is supposed to sell toys. And let's thank them for that, otherwise we wouldn't be able to see it for free!

There were many things on Rarity's mind. The most dominant and least ladylike was -HAVE YOU LOST YOUR BUCKING MIND?-. -You should be glad, I can´t banish people to the moon!- was a close contender right after -Did that flattening mess up my mane?-.

But none of them left Rarity's lips. She wanted to say all of them and a lot more, but seeing Spike at the bottom of the stairs, quivering, claws chewed on and tail still a little damp from sucking on it. It vaporized her anger. The little dragon looked pathetic.

*He is a baby! Half our age at most!* She thought quietly *We forget it, because he talks, walks around and can dig up gems for hours. But he is a baby dragon. Just wait for his sleep time or... throw in another dragon to get some perspective.*

"Spike, Twilight asked me to give you this." Rarity stated with a gentle smile, levitating the letter out of her saddlebag. "Could you be a dear and send it to the princess? She said it was important."

"Of course, Rarity." The dragon answered quietly and forced a smile. A few of his own scale fragments were visible on his teeth.

"Is it... the battle plan? A request for additional guards and the SAM-launchers? Or maybe a call for Princess Luna to dust off her Nightmare Moon armour and show up here to bring some divine judgement?"

"Something like that." Rarity answered, glad her element of Harmony allowed a little fib from time to time.

"Nah, sugar! It´s a request for that book of dragon anatomy, so we can look up how to lift his tail and kiss that dragon where it counts!" Applejack blurted out in Rarity's head "Oh! And Mrs. Fussy here will be holding that whole laudation thingy!"

"Why did she stress that?" Rarity asked in a mumble "And why does she call me like that in my own fantasy?"

"Because even in your fantasy, everything has to be all perfect like!" Applejack answered.

"Quiet!"

Spike overheard the unicorn. He took a nice and deep breath and... blew. A puff of hot air left his mouth.

"What is it?"

"Heh... whenever I get really nervous, my fire starts to get smaller." Spike admitted "When I get angry, it's hot as nothing else, but being scared... luke warm air."

"Oh... do you need some time?" Rarity asked, unsure how to tackle this problem "Maybe a glass of water? Or relax a little before you try again? Some reassuring talk?"

"Sorry, that hardly ever happens to me..."

"I'm sure it happens to a lot of dragons?" Rarity offered. This was more awkward that it should be!

Finally, after some light cuddling, Spike managed to deliver enough flame to send the letter.

"Now, Spike, I think we should sit down, have a tea and relax." Rarity said gently "Right after we disarm any other traps in the library. It´s not as if those would work on a dragon anyways."

"Yes, you are right. I was just so paniced after I got that answer from the Princess, I started doing things without thinking of consequences..." Spike admitted, twisting his tail between his hands.

"Answer? Did Twilight send another letter?"

"No, I sent one. I wanted to return to Canterlot while that other guy stayed here." Spike explained "But the Princess just sent this back."

He handed a scroll over to Rarity.

"Dear Spike" Rarity read aloud

"I understand that you are worried about being discovered, but sadly I cannot allow you to return for the time being. I will require regular reports on the situation, possible damage, needed resources and other details. I expect one every three hours.

If one report fails to reach me, and be it only a note, reading *all clear*, I will personally come and see into the situation.

I know that you must be scared, but I know you well enough to have faith in your sense of duty and courage.

Please, do not disappoint me, Spike.

Yours

Princess Celestia of Equestria

PS.: I have included the items you asked for. I hope that they really are for Twilight's research and not for turning the library into a death-trap!

PPS.: I fear, I can't send you the tactical warhead. We apparently have not invented one yet. Sorry."

Rarity looked at him with a sympathetic smile, ignoring the part about heavy arms smuggling.

"So... you are stuck here." She said, unsure "But I don´t get the problem... can you explain it a little better? What is it with that neutral ground? And why do you have to hide?"

Spike sighed and sat down. "Neutral ground is supposed to be a resting and meeting place. You can´t just claim it. If you want to, you have to offer another landmark to be used from your own turf." The dragon looked up "I own Canterlot and I won ´t give that away! Maybe Manechester, but NOT Canterlot!" he sighed "Sadly I haven´t put a claim on Manechester yet. But if that guy can travel so far that he needs to rest up, he has the resources to get Ponyville and kick me out."

"And you don´t think that he would take it, even though you remain unseen?"

"No. He had to call in a meeting of the surrounding dragons. Offer a landmark, wait for their acceptance..." Spike shook his head "This is much more effort that you might think. You don´t do that to get a place, you can already stay in."

"Just to humiliate you?"

"And to keep me away from my friends..." Spike added.

Rarity bit her lip lightly. "Don't get me wrong, darling... but are all dragons so..."

"I don´t know!" Spike answered in annoyance "How should I? I never met one! I was completely raised by ponies! I called that nurse in Canterlot "mommy" for years!" he sighed again "It's nothing special either. The eggs usually get abandoned. Since we live so long, it's the only way to keep us from turning into enormous Parasprites."

The last sentence was a punch to the stomach for Rarity. Everypony had heard some bedtime stories of the evils, dragons did to ponykind. She had discarded them as blown out of proportion, when she met Spike. But this was how they treated EACH OTHER?

"Say, why don't you disarm the other traps, you made!" the unicorn said and nudged Spike lightly "I will go and make us some tea."

Spike looked at her sadly.

"Come Spike... your traps wouldn't work on a grown up dragon anyways."

The little dragon nodded and got up. Rarity watched him go to the basement and was back in thought as the sound of triggers being sprung and things slamming into other things reached the floor, she was in.

"Poor guy." She said quietly "No wonder he is so eager for attention. All that showing off, announcing and the extra work he does for Twilight."

A louder slamming sound pulled her back to reality.

"SPIKE! Are you all right?" she shouted, galloping to the door.

"I'm fine!" Spike answered, reaching the top of the stairs, even though an... anvil?

"Where did you get an anvil from?" Rarity asked perplexed.

"A bunch of Pegasus movers dropped it on Twilight a while ago. Amongst other hilariously heavy stuff. They were sorry and demanded that she kept the anvil... since everything else broke." Spike explained while scraping the object in question off his face. Apparently it swung right into him and he decided to carry it like that, slightly imbedded in his skull as it was.

"Are you hurt?"

"Nah... It's just metal."

"Your kind is quite... sturdy." Rarity commented as she walked towards the kitchen.

"Oh... well, I do eat stone." Spike answered.

*And you can shove over a diamond dog twice your size, hold another one in a death grip like a crocodile and all that after hours of digging.* Rarity added mentally.

"Say Spike... I never thanked you for how valiantly you defended me when we ran into those pillaging pups!" Rarity said suddenly. A little praise would cheer him up. She really didn't feel like having him depressed during tea.

"The whatnow?"

"The kidnapping canites!"

"Who?" Spike asked, mimicking his junior assistant perfectly.

"The diamond dogs!" Rarity sighed, sad that she rarely had a chance to use her more sophisticated language.

"Oh, those guys!" Spike exclaimed "Well, it's not as if it worked out in the end. But I couldn't let anything untried."

Rarity turned and walked into the kitchen to prepare some tea water. As she returned to the main hall, Spike was busy doing something on a window.

"Oh, please, you were most knightly." She said "But I wondered... you had ample time to bite, claw or use fire on them. Why didn't you do that?"

Spike turned and shook his head vehemently. "Rarity, please! I really wanted to save you, but I am not a complete psycho! I can chew diamonds! I didn't break a claw after hours of digging! Besides the taste, those guys would have been like butter!" he sighed "That is a line, I don't want to cross! EVER!"

Rarity nodded and gave him another smile. "That is very noble of you, Spike!" She said "You can be proud of yourself for such restraint!"

Spike giggled a little and beamed as he approached the last trap. This one and he could have tea with RARITY! He just realized how awesome that was. Feeling happiness rushing through him, he opened the shutter. Looked, as if turned to stone for a second. Closed it. Turned around and winced quietly, both eyes closed painfully.

"Is something wrong?" Rarity asked.

Spike kept quiet, opened the shutter again. Closed it.

"What is it?"

Spike looked extremely awkward at her. He pointed at the shutter.

Rarity wondered silently and walked over to him. With a slight glow of her horn, she opened the shutter. Her eyes went wide and she closed it again.

"I didn't find the sugar." She said, completely emotionless.

"It's in the" "Why don't you go and fetch it while I take care of what I just saw and what we will pretend has never happened afterwards?" Rarity interrupted the young dragon, her voice unchanging.

Spike nodded and left for the kitchen.

There were many things on Rarity's mind. But all involved the ball gag, she just saw!

Apple, red or rotten?

My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro.

WARNING!

Due to the nature of this chapter, the writer has to point out that the second most awesome male character of the show will be severely abused in the following pages.

The writer does not support the open abuse of Big Macintosh!

He does, however, find it hilarious!

Big Macintosh was an earth pony. But both parts of the definition didn't do him justice. Years of working on a farm, ploughing, bucking apples and pulling carts made him much more solid looking that the average planet.
Secondly, he was definitely a stallion in every sense of the word. Grown up, calm and mindful. He avoided talking too much, enjoyed the simple parts of life and had the practical kind wisdom.

Over the last year, he had seen a vengeful goddess returning from banishment, his sister leaving to fight a dragon, his home getting eaten by a swarm of... he still wasn't sure and Caramel loosing the seeds for Winter Wrap Up.

None of this made him raise his voice.

Now, he was screaming...

"APPLEJACK!"

"What's the matter Big Mac?" asked Applejack, galloping towards her brother with Twilight and Pinkie behind her. The three had just met up and told Applejack roughly why they needed the best, her orchards could deliver, when they heard an unfamiliar scream.

Applebloom, Scootaoo and Sweetie Belle looked at them.

"I don't know!" Bloom said, looking at her brother. He was motionless, clearly not breathing; his eyes close to popping out.

"All we did was asking him how to lure out virgins!" Sweetie Belle explained.

"Bloom said he knew a lot about them!" Scootaloo added.

"Since he goes out at night and watches them! Sometimes for hours... usually when he is all alone and nobody can see him." Applebloom explained "And sometimes he comes home smiling from ear to ear! I saw it all! Once he even whistled a little tune as he came home!"

A dozen eyes were pointed at the red stallion now.

Earlier that day, in the headquarters of Equestria's finest crusaders:

„Everyone understood the plan? "

„Yah! "

„Of course! "

„Good! First we sum up all the information we got, then make our way to the library, get ourselves some equipment and…"

„We know that already! If fact, we just talked about it, drew a picture and I even came up with a few lyrics for the song. " Sweetie Belle interrupted Scootaloo.

"Yes, but we always do that." Scootaloo answered "Prepare the plan, draw a picture, you come up with the lyrics and then we loudly explain what we will do."

"But why? It doesn't make a lot of sense once you think about it. We could just go..."

"GIRLS!" Applebloom stressed "We have more important things to do that question how we go about our crusading!"

"Yes! Now, what do we know about dragons? Before we set our plan in motion, which won't be talked about again." The filly Pegasus asked.

"Well... they can breathe fire!"

"They eat... everything that they like, I guess." Applebloom offered.

"They work at libraries!"

"I don't think that that is a common dragon thing, Sweetie." Scootaloo stated

"Oh, I heard that they eat virgins. At least once a year!" Belle offered after a moment of thought.

"What's a virgin?" Applebloom asked.

"That thing in the sky! Next to that lion and the filly with the scales!" Sweetie added, still remembering her time as Cutie Mark Crusader Astrologer.

"OHHH! So they eat stars too?" Scootaloo asked.

"Well, I saw Spike eat some gemstones... and Twilight said something about stars being like the sun, but far away." Applebloom explained.

"AH, so Spike eats parts of a planet and when he grows up, he'll eat other planets!" Scootaloo concluded.

"No wonder they get so big! So... how are we supposed to get a star down here?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Well, Princess Celestia is supposed to raise the sun with her horn! So we just need YOU to do it!" Scootaloo decided, pointing at Sweetie Belle.

"I don't think I can do it..." Sweetie admitted.

"Wait! I got another idea!" Apple Bloom said "Remember when that boasting unicorn was in town?"

"Yes?" the others asked in unison.

"Well, Snips and Snails lured that Ursa-thingie into town, right?" Applebloom went further "And I remember seeing a picture of them in the book... like, they used to be a formation too!"

"AH, I see!" so we get that Ursa-thingie to give to the dragon, so we can study him while he eats it?" Scootaloo asked.

"No, that story was pretty clear about virgins!" Sweetie stated.

"So, we just have to lure that virgin-thing out of the sky!" Applebloom said.

"But how do we get that virgin down?" Scootaloo asked.

"Maybe Big Macintosh knows something! He doesn't talk much, but he is really smart and likes watching the stars and stuff!" Applebloom suggested.

"Good idea!"

Back in the present:

"I do not!" Big Macintosh insisted "I never would! That ain't true!"

"Mac... I won't judge you." Applejack said with forced calmness "You are a stallion in your best years and it was always a bit weird that you didn't get straight with some filly yet. But doing stuff like that ain't polite!"

"But I didn't!" Macintosh insisted "I never would!"

"WOW!" Pinkie Pie suddenly yelled "That doubles the amount of different words I've ever heard him say!"

She was ignored.

"Look, Mac... I got a ton of good friends; we can sure as sugar, match you up with at nice mare, so you don't have to... do that..."

"AJ, I am kind of seeing someone!" The stallion interrupted.

"What? Who? And does she know about your... tendencies?"

"I have no tendencies!"

"Seriously, Macintosh, I mean, what would granny say if she knew about it?"

"I think granny went with him one night!" Applebloom added.

"WHAT?" Applejack yelled.

"I tell you, that ain't true!" Big Mac stressed "And I never would do that to the mayor!"

"HATTRICK!" Pinkie yelled.

"OH! You met her, doing it, didn't you?" Applebloom interrupted "That's so romantic!"

"WHAT?" a choir of voices asked.

"Bloom? You out of your little mind?" Applejack asked in shock "My brother is watching the fillies in their sleep, finds one silly enough to like that and now my sister think it romantic?"

"Sounds like a page out of that Twili..." "THIS BOOK MUST NOT BE NAMED!" Pinkie started, just to be interrupted by a very angry Twilight "IT RUINED MY LIFE! I AM NAMED TWILIGHT SPARKLE! THIS BOOK ROBBED MY NAME OF ALL DIGNITY!" the unicorn started to cry slightly.

"Fillies?" Applebloom asked "I was asking him if he knew about virgins... you know... that star-thingie in the sky!"

Suddenly an aura of awkward understanding surrounded Sweet Apple Acres for a minute that felt like an hour.

"I'm sorry, Big Mac." Applejack spoke first "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

"Is all right, AJ." Macintosh answered, still slightly shaken "I'll go and work off some steam on the cider press. And then do some damage to the result."

"Erm... Mac... the mayor?" Applejack asked, blushing lightly.

The stallion stopped and looked back. "Eeyup!" he stated with a wink and left.

"WOW!" Pinkie cheered "Almost had it fivi... quinti... oh, you know what I mean! By two words!"

"But girls, why do you want to lure down the Virgo constellation?" Twilight asked after reciting a short mantra that included something about "vamponies" and "not sparkling".

"We want to feed it to the dragon!" Applebloom answered.

"First: Dragons don't eat star formations!" Twilight stated calmly "Second: I thought you didn't want a dragon-feeding cutie mark. Spike is still at the library, if you changed your mind."

"We don't want to feed him, primarily!" Sweetie Belle explained "We want him to stay still, while we study him!"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER DRAGON EXPLORERS!" The three yelled in unison.

The small headache, Twilight had expected suddenly erupted into an outright migraine. But there was one thing that still remained dominant right now.

"Are you going to sing?" she asked coldly.

"No."

"GOOD!" she said and added "If you want to know more about dragons, why don't you look for information in the library. They talk, so it's not as if nopony ever asked them."

"Nah, we'll go all Crocodile Wrestle on him!" Scootaloo announced, hitting her hoofs together.

"You really want to approach a dragon in the way of that Horsetralian documenter?" Applejack asked uncertain.

"Well, maybe not wrestle him, but we want some conclusive data about... stuff!" Applebloom stressed "We cannot let this opportunity pass!"

"Crusaders, AWAY!" Scootaloo announced and the three fillies disappeared in a cloud of dust.

Twilight looked after them.

"I think the guy who came up with the four horses of the apocalypse missed the count by one." Applejack said.

"Oh, don't worry!" Pinkie reassured her "When I throw our Welcome Dragon Party, they will be too busy having fun." She grinned "They have an even shorter attention span than... TWICHY TAIL!"

After a short look at the appendix in question, all three ponies instantly hid under a tree close to them.

They heard an impact close by and Pinkie gave a sigh of relief. All three looked in the direction of the impact.

Twilight managed to speak first: "Princess?"

Twilight Princess? TM

Luna, take it away!

"My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro. Lauren Faust and her team are to thank for me, my sister and the fact that we are awesome!"

Thank you, Luna.

I will post the next two chapters at almost the same time, due to the delicate nature of a certain inanimate object and it's implications. Please read them both before you send the lynch mob. Thank you for bearing with me.

The other two ponies immediately bowed while Twilight overcame her dumbstruck expression and rushed towards her mentor for a gentle embrace.

After a joyful moment, much too short for both of them, she took a step back and gave in to her confusion.

"Princess, did you just fall out of the sky?" she asked bluntly.

"Yes," Celestia answered with a mischievous smile. "It is a spell Luna came up with. She calls it 'Drop In (TM).'"

"She trademarked it?" Pinkie asked from the back.

"Luna is still catching up to the present," Celestia explained. "She read about current law and, in a fit of panic, instantly went to trademark every new spell. I explained her that copyright law does not cover magic. But I thought it was so adorable, I just had to talk her into keeping it in the name. Sadly this spell is reserved for alicorns, since a unicorn would probably hurt herself on the way down..."

"Speaking of which, where is Princess Luna? I haven't seen her since she visited Ponyville right after our triumph and her restoration," Twilight wondered.

"She is grounded," the avatar of light answered.

"Grounded?"

"When she returned, she instantly tried to bring eternal night, tried to kill my faithful student and her friends, tried to destroy the elements of harmony, and let's not forget how she zapped my poor guards," Celestia answered. "I love my little sister deeply and the moment she accepted my offer of friendship was the most wonderful day of my life. But actions must have consequences! Six months without TV and going out is entirely justified."

"Does she even know what TV is?" Twilight asked.

"No," Celestia answered with a wink.

"Why is not watching TV a punishment again?" Applejack asked Pinkie who shrugged in response.

"I never said that the punishment was going to be harsh. Her original banishment was an exception!" Celestia stressed. "My first priority was to exclude her from royal duties until she could catch up with history, technology, and current culture. She was outright disturbed when she found out that one of the guards and one of the servants were kissing in the break room. And then the issue with the microwave..."

"That much PROGRESS must be difficult for her," Twilight admitted.

"TRIBUTE!" Pinkie announced loudly, grinning widely.

All eyes were on her for a minute.

"Pinkie, you feeling all right?" Applejack asked after a few moments.

"Why do you always ask me that? Of course I am!"

"But why are you here?" Twilight asked the princess with worry in her voice. "Did you come to intervene with my plans? Were they that bad?" The unicorn began to shake. "I didn't have the book for reference yet! I'm sorry, Princess! Please! Don't be mad at me!"

Celestia sighed very slightly. "Twilight, your idea of having a party to busy the dragoness is very creative and proves your great analytical skills. You've only met three dragons in your life, and you already understand a good part of their nature. I am proud of you, dear!" She nudged the now blushing unicorn. "I just came here to answer to the message you sent me."

"Oh, you already got it?" Twilight asked in surprise.

"Yes. Sadly, I could not ask Spike to handle this delivery," Celestia explained.

Her horn gave off a slight glow and a small object emerged from underneath her right wing: An average sized book, bound in what seemed to be crimson scales. The side had the word "Draconomicon" written on it in black letters.

"As you might remember, the Draconomicon is bound in the scales of its writer and therefore absolutely fireproof. And I do not entrust personal gifts to anypony but my family and my most faithful student!" Celestia explained. "So I decided to Drop In (TM)..." she let out a short giggle after the trademark; "and hand it over to you."

"But I already tried! I can't read the language it is written in," Twilight explained.

"Do not worry, Twilight," Celestia answered "I have faith in you."

The book hovered over to Twilight, who took it into her own levitation. It was heavy! Not physically heavy, though. It was just an average-sized book, not even very thick. But the scales of a dragon felt slippery to magic. Their inherit resistance to basically anything did not stop with the arcane arts. It was one of the reasons why Twilight always practiced with Spike. If she could perform a magical spell on him, she could perform it on anypony. Twilight herself hadn't realized it yet, but the fact that she could levitate Spike was yet another testimony to her enormous magical potential.

"As happy as it made me to see you again, Twilight, I can't spend more time with you for now. My guards are very protective. Thanks to Luna's new spell, I can slip out for a few minutes at a time, but my sister forbid if they find out. It seems that they fear that I might get attacked by a falling apple or rammed by a stray butterfly..." Celestia explained with a wink.

"Oh, those are dangerous!" Pinkie exclaimed. "They lure you into a false sense of security as caterpillars and then: BAMM! Dig a hole in front of your house and call it a construction site!"

In her eternal wisdom, the goddess of the sun ignored the element of laughter yet again.

"Oh, and the name of the dragoness was Adalania. At least when I last heard of her."

"Last heard of her?" Twilight asked in confusion.

"Dragons tend to change their names ever so often. Usually they add some syllables, forget parts or demand that ponies pronounce it differently. Their vanity does not end with praise," Celestia explained. "And she will be here in four days. She should come from the south, so expect her during noon. Having the sun in her back makes her entrance more dramatic. A vice we share."

Twilight smiled and put the book on her back. It was simply too hard to keep it afloat.

"Before you ask: she is not related to Spike in any way. And it should take her at least two decades before she reaches full maturity. In pony years that would put her in her early twenties. But don't point it out to her. We... long-living beings don't enjoy being reminded of our age."

"I say!" Applejack stated. "Granny locked up all of her documents so we don't find out how long she's been around!"

"Now, I must go," the princess stated as she spread her wings. "Have a pleasant day, my little ponies."

Twilight looked at Celestia sadly and moved in to accept a farewell embrace.

"Oh, and please send me the ball gag back as soon as possible, Twilight!" Celestia whispered to Twilight in the midst of their embrace. "Not that I use it without you... but it is such a nice memory."

With these words, Celestia disappeared, leaving a very shocked Twilight.

"He has the BALL GAAAAAAG!" erupted from the unicorn and she disappeared in a flash as well.

"What just happened, Pinkie?" Applejack asked, wondering where the two horned ponies had disappeared to.

"Your brother left the door to the shed with the cider press open!" Pinkie stated, having lost interest several minutes ago. She was currently looking somewhere else. "OHH... push that press! No wonder the mayor likes him!"

And I saw a pale horse!

My Little pony belongs to Hasbro. I ran out of clever things to do with that information... maybe in the next chapter.

At the library:

Freeing Rainbow Dash from the ropes that held her in a spread-eagle position was the easy part, as Rarity found out.

Trying to stomach that Spike knew how to fix ropes, counterweights, and a small catapult so a pony that tried to open the window would end up gagged, bound and helpless? That was the hard part.

"So, let me get that straight," Rainbow started, now free and briefed by Rarity, "Spike was so panicked, he ran to the library just to set up a perimeter of increasingly dangerous traps, starting with ropes and gags at the windows and finishing with falling anvils in the basement?"

"I guess that is the only explanation," Rarity admitted. "I triggered a few of his traps myself. Please don't be mad at him. He was so miserable! Let's all have a nice cup of tea and repress any memories of this incident."

Rainbow nodded as the unicorn turned to the kitchen.

"Spike, did you get the sugar?"

"Yes, Rarity! Everything is ready," Spike answered and emerged from the kitchen. He was silenced by a loud explosion.

Rarity turned to the source of the noise, and her jaw dropped.

In the middle of the library was one of the four horses of the apocalypse! She was certain. She didn't know which one, but there was no doubt. They were supposed to wield a bow, a sword, scales, a scythe... but no book. Maybe they added a new member after this one applied for number five. It fit in very well!

Out of a circle of flames stomped a pale unicorn, its mane and tail completely made from raging flames. Its flank was bare, and no sign of mercy could be seen in its crimson eyes.

Rarity was in shock instantly, silently praying that Celestia, Luna or anyone would send this abomination back to the fiery pits of brimstone it crawled out of. She allowed one of her eyes to roll in Rainbow Dash's direction, but even the courageous mare next to her was frozen in terror.

The entity stepped towards them, leaving scorched hoofmarks in the floor. It looked around for a second and spoke... in Twilight's voice?

"Where is the ball gag?"

A loud crashing sound informed them that the library was in need of a new tea service.

Rarity forced herself to point towards the table, where she had left the object in question on a hoofkerchief.

The blazing pony turned towards the table. A crimson glow surrounded the small leather and plastic gag. It floated away, passed Spike and entered the kitchen. The sound of running water could be heard for a short while. Then it returned, being dried by a piece of cloth. An envelope appeared out of nowhere and the gag was placed inside. It floated towards Spike.

"SEND IT!" the brimstone mare demanded, still using the voice of Rarity's dear friend.

It wasn't Spike who followed the order. If his fire would grow cooler when he was scared or nervous, he would be breathing ice right now. The order went right to his fire glands, which decided to ignore the dragon's mental status and follow.

The fiery mare took a breath and without warning, Twilight manifested in her place. She still looked very angry, but it was truly Twilight.

"What was that?" Rainbow asked, the brave pony being the first to speak again.

"That was a very, VERY personal item that somepony PUT! IN! THEIR! MOUTH!" Twilight yelled.

"But... isn't that the whole purpo—"

"NOT OF THIS BALL GAG! This is my gag! The one Princess Celestia gave to me!" Twilight interrupted Rarity.

Both the weather Pegasus and the fashion mare looked at Twilight in shocked confusion.

"It was on my third day in the school for gifted unicorns," Twilight explained, her voice still tense and sharp "I was getting used to the regular classes, but on that day, I had my first class with the Princess. I expected other students with us, but we were all alone!" The unicorn stressed every single syllable of the following words: "JUST THE PRINCESS AND ME!"

She continued, slightly less aggressive: "I was nervous! VERY nervous! So nervous that I couldn't even lift my quill without shaking and my teeth clattered during the whole lesson. It was so bad that I couldn't understand a word she said! The princess interrupted after a few minutes and told me to go and rest! I cried through my whole five minute break! Later, she sat down with me and put the gag on the table. She said that this gag would be our punishment.My punishment for not being able to calm my nerves and keep still! And her punishment for not being able to make me feel comfortable. Until she could, she would not hear her newest student talk to her. And she stressed how much she regretted that!

"I HAD NEVER FELT MORE APPRECIATED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE THAN AT THAT MOMENT!

"We never had to use the gag. A few months later, the princess seemed nervous about a speech she had to hold during a conference in Horsetria. Something big and political that might lead to trade embargos and whatnot. When I saw her so nervous, I summoned the ball gag and told her that it was her turn now! She laughed!

"The gag was on her table during the whole first semester, a constant reminder that the princess appreciated my words and that I could always talk openly to her. It was our first private and genuine joke and we would pass it whenever the other had to face some issue!

"I was too young to know what they were usually used for and now that I know, I don't care! This is a very personal and dear memento and NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PUT IN SOMEPONY'S MOUTH!"

Twilight gave the trio another dangerous look. "Any questions?"

Three heads were shaken.

"Rainbow, I assume the sky-team knows?"

Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Then go get some rest!"

Twilight's horn glowed again and the teapot reformed in a glow of magic.

"You all can enjoy some tea with Spike!"

Rarity nodded.

"Spike, take care of our guests! I'll be upstairs, trying to decipher this book here. No distractions!" she finally ordered and went upstairs.

The others looked after her.

"Not only did she beat me running, she is also scarier than me..." Rainbow muttered with a pout and went for the kitchen.

"How about we get some tea now, Spike?" Rarity asked, trying to shake the shock.

"Sorry, I think I'm too scared to move..." Spike answered, still holding the teapot.

"You tell me! Did you see how her eyes clashed with her mane?"

In that moment, the door flew open.

"Gals! Twilight turned pyrocorn again! We came here as... as possible!" Applejack announced as she and Pinkie entered the room.

"You mean 'as fast as possible?'" Rarity asked.

"I know what I said!"

Earlier:

"We have to get to the library!"

"Yes, AJ. But why are we doing so in a very slow trot?"

"Because I don't want to run into Twilight while she is still in full 'fire and brimstone' mode. It was scary enough when she did that after Froggy Bottom Bog."

"Oh, yeah! When we dealt with that Hydra!"

"Hm? Oh, right... There was a Hydra, too."

"Anyway... Spike, I think we need some more tea. Could you be a dear?" Rarity asked with a big serving of sugar in her voice.

Spike nodded and as the dragon reached the door, the unicorn waved the other ponies closer.

"I know that it isn't the foremost topic in all of our minds, but I think we should consider Spike's feelings," Rarity whispered, as the other ponies formed a circle.

"I can understand that he envies Big Mac. All guys would, but he has to be realistic. He is still growing up!"

"I don't think that's what she meant, Pinkie!" Applejack interrupted.

"But that's what the foremost thingie in my mind is!" the party pony explained.

"That comes as a bit of a surprise..." Rainbow Dash admitted. "I didn't know you had an eye on him."

"Oh, I don't! But anypony can appreciate that much muscle in one..."

"Can we please stop talking about my brother?"

"I tell you, with an anatomic map, you could name every single..."

"RARITY! Stop her!"

"I was talking about the dragon," Rarity explained. "Spike is a mess and he deserves a break. Let's just avoid our future guest."

"And Big Mac!" Applejack added.

"I think we should find a new topic..." Rainbow Dash sighed.

Tea and Talking

My Little Pony is owned by Hasbro, not me.

This !FAN!fic is edited by the extremely awesome and talented Alicia Jewel!

„Grounded? That seems a bit odd for a divine punishment." Rarity said in surprise.

Rainbow Dash and herself were being briefed on Celestia's sudden appearance while explaining themselves what exactly caused Twilight's outburst. Applejack was trying to follow everything, while Pinkie was scribbling plans on a piece of paper, she found.

Not than anypony but Pinkie could possibly follow her trail of thought. Nor did she actually follow the plans. At least not all the time and not to the word. It was more some kind of a ritual for her. That was what gave her parties their distinct feel: They were conceived, prepared and executed by and through complete chaos. Anypony could organize a party. Pinkie threw everything in one place, ripped a few things away and allowed the results to bloom. Like a Franz Kafka version of Zen-gardening. Just without the torture machines. That was one of the reasons why Rainbow Dash always supported her in every way. She had seen what Pinkie's connection to the heart of chaos could do to her. And she did not want Mr. Turner to return ever again.

Currently she was busy listening to Applejack, while shoving more paper and pencils to the party pony.

"I guess the jokes about her sending people to the moon villy-nilly did get a bit out of hand." Applejack answered "And Twi really didn't want to join us?"

Rarity shook her head. "She was really angry. And it is a completely new book. You know her… studies first."

In this moment, Spike returned to the quartet. He had been upstairs, bringing his boss some tea and few grass brownies.

"Sorry about that, guys." He said, having heard Rarity's comment "But she is trying to research four different sourcebooks at once. I'll go fill my junior assistant in for the night. Then I keep you company."

"Wait… is Twi making any progress with the book?" Applejack asked.

"She hasn't even opened it yet." Spike grimaced. He had become distracted by his chores. Bringing Twilight food and taking care of four guests had taken his mind off the near future. That and the fact that there was still a slight chance that everyone left before Rarity. Not very likely, but a dragon can dream, darn it!

Spike had just left for the main hall, as the ponies heard a knock on the backdoor that led into the kitchen. Rainbow Dash reacted by racing to the door and opened it. In trotted a yellow Pegasus with pink hair and a huge purple scarf around her neck.

"Hello, everyone!" Fluttershy said… loud and clearly?

"Fluttershy!" Rarity exclaimed and rushed over to her. "Darling! I was so worried about you!"

Fluttershy smiled brightly at her, even though Rarity could swear that something was wrong. That scarf did NOT fit the season at all! And that shade of purple did not go well with Fluttershy's hair! Oh, and she knocked loudly on the BACK-door, spoke up when greeting them and had been forming the word "HELP" over and over with her lips. But darn it, that scarf was hideous!

With a quick yank of her head, Rarity removed the scarf and revealed… Angel!

The little bunny had been hiding partially in the scarf and partially in Fluttershy's hair. He had a bandana around his head and held a sharpened carrot to Fluttershy's neck.

An Exclamation mark appeared above Rarity's head and the rabbit jumped off and hid behind the teapot.

Rarity looked up. "Oh… forgot to deactivate the Fashion offense spell." She discarded the scarf and looked at Fluttershy in puzzlement.

"I'm so sorry, Rarity! I just felt something sharp against my neck and then someone writing pictures on my neck! I was so scared! He told me to come here!" Fluttershy wailed very silently and turned to angel "And you, angel! You snuck up on me and held me hostage, just so you could take me here so I could…" she looked around "relax and have fun with my friends!"

"YOU FIEND!" Pinkie yelled.

The diabolic bunny grinned maliciously, took a few swings with his carrot and finally returned it to its sheath (his mouth).

"I'm glad you are all right!" Rarity said finally "I was worried about you. Come, have a seat and some tea. We were just talking about…"

"Twilight?" Spike offered "She is upstairs researching like a crazypony."

"I understand that she doesn't want to take part in a social event." Fluttershy admitted.

"I doubt that she would be able to with a new book. And from the princess nonetheless. In Canterlot, that usually ended with her moving into our favourite doughnut place and living off coffee and sugar for several days." Spike licked his lips while his eyes rolled up in memories "Good times..."

Applejack had been eyeing Rarity for the last few moments and finally asked. "You even have a spell to remind you to be fussy?"

"The third spell, I ever learned!" Rarity stressed "Right after tracking gemstones and removing itches from places a lady cannot touch in public."

"There are spells to scratch your own haunch?"

"Of course there are... even though a lady should not talk about those." Rarity answered with a bit of indignity.

"What is Twilight studying?" Fluttershy asked into the group, trying to prevent another Rarity-Applejack confrontation.

"Good question..." Spike added "She didn't even ask me to bring her any reference books. And why did she have to –decipher- it?"

"Oh! It's probably just..." Rainbow started.

"A manual!" Applejack added.

"About how to make the most fabulous and manifique..." Rarity tried to continue.

"WELCOME PARTY IN EQUESTRIA!" Pinkie finished "That was fun! Let's do another one! I pack into my suitcase..."

"A welcome party?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, silly. You have to continue my sentence. And you can't pack a welcome party in your suitcase. Unless you have a very big suitcase. Or you welcome your socks! Speaking of socks! Have you noticed how much ponies seem to like them nowadays?"

"For whom are you throwing a welcome party?" Spike inquired, not intimidated by Pinkie's randomness.

"PRINCESS CELESTIA!" Rainbow blurted. "Since she can now..."

"Drop in anytime..." Applejack added

"We have to have a compact party on standby!" Rarity finished.

"Oh, why do you play without me?" Pinkie asked with a sad face.

Spike looked each of the three ponies in turn. His eyes gazed upon Rarity biting her lips, Applejack giving him the most forced grin in Equestria and Rainbow developing a sudden interest in the ceiling. "You three are acting really suspicious. Why do you finish each other's sentences?" he inquired,

"Because they are mean and won't let me play!"

"I don't think that this is the reason, Pinkie Pie." Fluttershy consoled the pink pony.

It was at this moment that the front door opened very silently and twelve little hoofs clopped through the main hall of the library. Luckily for them, the nocturnal assistant was currently taking care of Twilight, the traps were disarmed and the trapper was trying to catch some answers.

"What are you three hiding?" Spike pushed.

"It's..." Rarity started

"For Prince Blueblood!" Rainbow quickly added.

All eyes were on her. At the same time, Rarity's cheek muscles lost all tension. THE NAME!

"We didn't want to say his name, since he was so terrible at the Gala and Rarity is still traumatized. But he is royalty and stuff, so we have to make a welcome party." Rainbow explained.

"Oh, please!" Spike answered "As if Rarity was still so miffed about that lo... Rarity?"

The unicorn was staring right through any object between her and the end of the universe. Her mouth hung open and her lungs seemed to run on minimal power.

"You really didn't need to break Rarity for the sake of argument..." Spike muttered in defeat.

"Oh my... she is in shock!" Fluttershy examined, walking around the frozen unicorn and probing her with her hoof. "The last time I had seen her like this was when Lotus at the spa gave her the minor makeover instead of the usual."

"She froze in terror over not being... fussed around enough?" Applejack asked with a grunt.

"How can a great ruler like Celestia have a nephew like... that?" Rainbow asked with a sigh.

"They are not related." Pinkie answered.

"How do you know?" Applejack asked in surprise.

"I sent her a letter, asking this exact question." Pinkie responded with a grin "Just that I used longer and more honest words. And drew a very detailed picture of him being drenched in Cake... right next to a hive of fire-ants."

"So... how does this work then?"

"The princess never had any kids, but she adopted several on occation. That's how all the noble families got into existence." Pinkie announced happily "Then she wrote something about his family turning into big separatists and deciding to keep their line pure and having children only with each other. But I still couldn't figure out what exactly she meant with -inbred beyond repair-."

"But it is still difficult to believe that his name alone can have this much of a reaction on her."

"Oh, Applejack, you have to understand how much of an impact he made on her. He did destroy every fillyhood fantasy about the handsome prince finding her, she ever had." Fluttershy explained, without leaving Rarity's side. "It was even worse for her than it was for me."

Without anyone truly noticing, Angel's left ear twitched once.

"I mean, I only wanted to see some pretty flowers and befriend some animals." Flutershy started, and quickly added "Really rare animals that I had never seen. And they didn't like me."She sighed "I would have liked them all. Loved them all, in fact. But they didn't love me... and then I did some horrible things!" A tear formed in the Pegasus' eye "I tried to set up traps and hunted them like a monster! A monster... a terrible, terrible..."

Time seemed to stop for a second, as Angel bunny jumped in front of Fluttershy.

The silence that followed the backpawed slap he gave her was deafening.

Now everypony plus one dragon were in shock.

Fluttershy dropped her gaze as angels paws formed signs. Signs he had formed many times before. They ended with something that seemed like a demand.

Fluttershy started to mumble, just to be silenced by the same gesture again.

Her voice slowly rose and she started, very quietly again, only for Angel to demand again.

Finally Fluttershy swallowed and started: "Those animals have never met anypony but their keeper and Princess Celestia. They are not used to company and would have been afraid of anypony. I shouldn't blame this on myself. I have many friends who love me."

Angel nodded very slowly. Then his paw extended and gently padded Fluttershy's muzzle.

Fluttershy nodded too and looked around, seeing all the frozen visages. "Oh... too loud?"

Alternate Title: MOVE, Mare, out of the way!

Look after you sleep

My little Pony belongs to Hasbro

*Warning* The following is a humorous take on MLP. NOT a serious look at underlining relationships or anything. It is not to be taken seriously at all costs. So don't pull a Rarity and just roll with it! *Warning*

Finally, the great day had arrived! Spirits were high, flags were flying, and banners were ready. Twilight was nervously standing besides the mayor, who readied herself behind her lectern, waiting for Celestia's sphere to rise to its zenith.

Finally, a huge shadow appeared on the ground, and an enormous blue and grey dragoness landed in the centre of Ponyville. The mayor wanted to start her greeting, but the dragoness growled.

"YOU HAVE MISSPELLED MY NAME!"

She pointed at one smaller banner. "Welcome to Ponyville, Adalan!"

Carrot Top! When would she learn to write smaller?

"THIS MINOR OVERSIGHT ENRAGES ME! I DEMAND A SACRIFICE!"

"You heard the dragoness!" the mayor yelled. "Who is the oldest and fairest virgin?"

Several dozen hoofs pointed at Twilight. The unicorn was stiff in shock, yet she could swear she heard Spike wailing "Rarity! NO!" somewhere.

"Sorry, Twilight. Need of the many and all!" The mayor announced and clapped her hoofs. Several strong stallions grabbed the student of friendship and dragged her to a post with shackles that had appeared out of nowhere. Just like the innocent yet revealing white dress she was suddenly wearing.

Twilight was shackled to the post as the dragoness closed in on her, hunger and evil in her eyes.

"Help!" the shackled pony yelled. "Help! I don't want to be eaten!"

"NOBODY CAN HELP YOU NOW!"

"I can!"

"WHO DARES?"

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight cheered as a well known form dropped out of the sky in front of her.

"I shall rescue you, my most faithful and attractive student!" the princess announced, wearing heavy, golden armour and shin guards. Her tiara was replaced with a heavy crow-helmet combination. "Prepare to taste my MIND BULLETS!"

Celestia's horn lit up with magic, and small rainbow spheres shot from it and hit the dragon. The monster dramatically grabbed its chest. "OH NO, I AM UNDONE!"

It fell over, landing right next to Twilight and Celestia, who freed her student.

"Now, let us see who the dragoness truly is!" the god-princess of ponydom announced. The head of the monster glowed in telepathic magic and was pulled off!

"The great and powerful Trixie!" the whole place said in unison.

"It was her plan to dress up as the dragon and capture you, my smart and sexy student!" Celestia explained. "Then she would force you to work as her stage hand, manager and sensual massage mare."

"And the great and powerful Trixie would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling ponies and your owl!"

"Hoo!"

"Now that you are safe, my well organized and flexible Twilight, why don't we go somewhere private and you help me out of this armour?" Celestia asked, nuzzling her student gently.

Synthesizer music started to play.

Twilight rolled over on her pillow and giggled lightly. She was deeply asleep. Spike, on the other hand, was already working. After he woke up, he had found Twilight on the floor with her head in a book, snoring lightly. As usual, he had put a blanket on her back and manoeuvred her head on a pillow. He was quite good at doing that without waking her up. He had a lot of practice, after all.

Twilight was a very special pony. Spike had always known that and she was also the only pony he knew who turned reading into... well... an unhealthy addiction.

Spike had heard of alcoholics leaving bottles littered around the floor or adrenaline junkies jumping at everything that might hurt them. Twilight was, as he understood it, a libroholic. She needed knowledge in the way others needed gems or approval or a nice glance at Rarity's flank... erm... water!

When they were still in Canterlot, he sometimes worried that he would find her skeleton in the library, still hunched over a book or would run into her selling bookmarks in back allies for a quick glance at an original copy of something.

Now, even with her friends to keep what was left of her sanity intact, she could end up spending an entire weekend locked in the library, draining knowledge from the volumes.

It was always the same process: "Spike, I tell you, this is so interesting! Did you know that (random topic)! I need to find a cross reference! Fetch me (5 book form different authors) about (a somewhat similar topic)!

Twilight would then start a pyramid of research, usually ending at about 60 books, reports, and papers.

During that time, Spike would do his best to keep her hydrated, force some food down her throat, and finally command his junior assistant to put her to bed. He was pretty sure that Celestia saw in him the only way to keep Twilight from killing herself with those leather-bound dangers.

But he was proud of his work and seeing her curled up like that, so innocent and cute, dreaming about having tea and cookies with the princess (he had heard her whisper "whipped cream" and "Celestia" in her sleep once) was worth it!

He was just finishing his last chore for the early noon: fixing the burned floorboards in the main library. Luckily the hoofprints were just on the surface, so he didn't replace the tiles; instead, he simply turned them and put a sock on the hammer so he wouldn't wake his boss up. Pony socks were sturdy. They had to be put over a hoof, after all.

Just when he finished his work, an explosion surprised him. It came from above! The young dragon turned and ran up the stairs.

"Twilight?" he yelled as he reached the top.

Twilight groggily opened her eyes and looked around. Every book in the room was floating in circles around her. Some of them were bigger than others, and a few circled each other, making it a very unique solar system with Twilight's horn in the middle.

"I had a sleep-spell." Twilight sighed and shook her head. That dream had just started to get...

"Great!" Spike muttered and went to fetch the dip net he kept for these occasions. Twilight was stuck in the middle of the books and had to wait until Spike was done. Sleep-spells were not weird among unicorns. When a dream got very intense, they sometimes unconsciously cast small spells. They usually knocked over their alarm clocks, moved the bed for one or two centimetres or, if you were Twilight Sparkle, element of magic, you punched holes into the laws of physics and space.

"Oh! Spike! While you are at it, could you bring me the collected psychological works of Sattlemund Freud? It's the one in the elliptic, 14° tilted orbit. I have to read up on something," she requested quietly.

Spike obeyed.

"No! That one was 20° and had a parabolic... It's the big, brown one with the picture of a banana on it!"

The little dragon brought Twilight the book and continued to catch and reorganize the small cosmos as Twilight read the chapters on dream analyzing.

About an hour later:

Spike had left to put on some breakfast for Twilight as she finished her read.

"I see! Since I idolize Princess Celestia as my strong mentor, my subconscious replaces the heroic male part in my dreams with her. And due to the fact that I am not in any romantic relationship, my head turns current events into these rather cheap romantic dreams," Twilight explained to herself happily. She flipped some pages.

"And the scientific and professional term for the cure is: getting myself nailed!"
The unicorn's eyebrows rose. "Again?" She sighed and dropped her shoulders. "I waste a fortune on horseshoes here and it never works!"

"Dandelion on toast and some coffee for our sleepy-horn!" Spike announced happily and opened the door. "Just in case you were wondering, the others left at about ten. Rarity had to be carried by Applejack. Fluttershy got kidnapped by a bunny, showed up, and was then slapped by said bunny. So... you are trying to figure out what is wrong with Prince Blueblood?" The dragon pointed at the psychological work.

"About 20 generation of married siblings," Twilight answered, raising her eyebrow. "No! Why would I research that creep? This was... for a side project!"

"Oh! Then what is that book you got from the princess..." Spike started and looked at the table, where the book lay. "THE DRACONOMICON! You are researching... you are..." Fear shone in his eyes, but only for a second. It was replaced with something that burned hotter and darker than any fire. "WELCOME PARTY!"

Twilight was present minded enough to surround Spike with a bubble of magic. She ground her teeth in concentration as green flames assaulted the inside of the bubble. Luckily, it was rare for Spike to throw a tantrum. They were getting more and more difficult to contain.

The unicorn panted slightly as the smoke filled the bubble cleared and dispelled it.

"Spike, no fire in..." she remembered the letters. "No fire but controlled..." she looked at her still slightly singed mane. "Only I am allowed to burn in anger in here!" Twilight stated a little sourer than she wanted. "I understand that this annoys you and goes against you as a dragon, but I can't and won't let your ego get in the way of this visit going good! I don't want to be sacrificed and then saved by Celestia in the last second! I'm not ready for this kind of relationship yet! And not with this hair!"

"WHAT?" Spike asked, now more confused than angry.

"Now go downstairs and get some bits out of the jar. You'll need to buy some gemstones for the time you'll spend in hiding!"

"But—" Spike began.

"It's going to be a girl!" Twilight interrupted.

Without a comment, the little dragon disappeared downstairs.

As she munched on her toast, her mood was sour, her mane was a little burnt, and worst of all: she had no idea what to do with that book on the table. Ponyville held no data on draconic literature.

After finishing breakfast, Twilight trotted towards her bed and pulled one of her pillows down. She let out a small bit of her frustration on the innocent feathers inside and rested on it. Finally, she levitated the book in front of her and set it on the floor. It was still incredibly slippery and heavy.

"Well... if the princess insists..." Twilight muttered and opened it.

Her eyes went wide.

The letters were exactly as she remembered them. Like small flames dancing on the parchment, slightly shifting and flickering, yet not burning it. They didn't come out, but burned as a film of alcohol would: flat and distinct. But the weirdest part was that she understood it!

Not that she could name a single word; she justknewwhat the sentences meant.

"How..." she wondered, but shook her head. "I will ask the princess later."

With that said, the unicorn started at the beginning.

The first page was a devotement:

To my dearest friends Princess Celestia of Equestria, Lady of the Sun and Princess Luna of Equestria, Lady of the Moon!

May your wisdom be your wings, your wit be your horns and your kindness your strength!

May your wings never tire; your horns never dull and your strength never fade!

Your friend

Twilight could not understand the next word and certainly not pronounce it. But she assumed it was a name. It alone filled two pages.

"I assumed that a dragon wrote the book. But I didn't know that Celestia had friends amongst them. Then again... this book is at least a thousand years old... He probably passed away a long time ago." Twilight said out loud and levitated some paper, ink, and a quill to her side. She wanted to take notes on the important parts.

Below the surface

Chapter 11: Chapter 10: Below the surface
MLP:FIM belongs to Hasbro.

This episode features Pony Cena, played by John Cena.

Twilight was surprised by her own reaction. Never, truly NEVER would she expect herself to feel the way she just did. How could she, the pony hungriest for knowledge in the school for gifted unicorns, possibly think that she just received TOO MUCH INFORMATION?

This was the downside of the draconic language: she couldn't read parts of a sentence. The whole thing formed inside of her head while her eyes followed the dancing flames.

And now she had reached a very long and very, very detailed description of... well, she was playing with the thought of asking Rarity to move somewhere cooler... maybe that one comet she had seen during the shower. The one that wouldn't pass Equestria for the next 4 billion years.

There was a knock on the door. Rather thankful, the unicorn left the gently burning tome and went downstairs.

As she opened the door, she found Rarity and Applejack carrying some trolleys with Spike's favourite gems and apple-based treats.

"Rarity and I have supplies here, Twi!" Applejack explained. "The little guy is at the gem cutter."

"Yeah, he is probably sweeping the floor," Twilight said as she let the two others in. "He uses the diamond dust to flavour his breakfast milk or as sprinkles on cookies."

"Not the ones he makes for us, I hope!" Rarity answered.

"No, he is very careful about that," Twilight explained, leading them towards the basement. "I ate one of his stash once. He and the princess called me Dental Sparkle for two weeks."

Applejack let out a giggle that Rarity suppressed.

"Oh, Spike's trapping did some good. I knew there was a lot of unused space down here, but I wanted to keep my instruments ready," Twilight said happily.

"Say, Twi, do you really need all these things?" Applejack asked, helping Rarity to get the carts downstairs. "It kinda looks like some evil lab down here."

"There is nothing evil about science!" Twilight said angrily, turning around. "It's just silly comics and TV that give us good scientists a bad name! Now, there is some free space next to the skull-drill. And watch out for the dissection table! I ordered the scalpels by sharpness."

While they unloaded, Rarity asked, "Have you found some interesting facts about dragons that I can use in my speech? I thought I should start with her eyes—nobody can resist that kind of compliment—and then go on about her scales, and how well they go together. I was thinking about complimenting her figure, but I don't really have any clues on what is a dragon's ideal of beauty, so I guess I should just go with colours and general aesthetic until you gave me a quick briefing."

"I just hope that she can take the fussiness," Applejack muttered.

"I'm not that far yet," Twilight admitted. "The book had no index page. But I'm working my way through it. On a completely unrelated note, do you have any chastity belts?"

"Goodness, NO! Those completely ruin the haunchline! All the metal is impossible to contain in an elegant dress!" Rarity wailed. "Those truly WERE barbaric times!"

"Just asking..." Twilight stated quietly. She turned to Applejack, knowing that any more attention would incline Rarity to start a rant about medieval fashion. "How is everypony else doing?"

"Big Mac mentioned that the mayor announced the arrival of the dragon in the afternoon... and that she seemed quite tense. But I doubt that he got that impression from the speech. Now all the times he was requesting funds, showing the historic sights of the farm, and… all that makes way too much sense! Oh, and Pinkie showed up and got herself two of my farmhoofs for some party preparations. I think she also had that catapult Rainbow used that one time."

"From what I could tell on the way here, the preparations have just started," Rarity added.

"There is still enough time left…" Twilight tried to comfort herself. "Oh, how is Fluttershy doing?"

"After yesterday, probably a little better. That bunny friend of hers really knows what she needs. Even if he is a bit creepy in the execution department…" Applejack said. "You have a job for her?"

"I would like her and Spike to stay in the same basement," Twilight answered. "That way we have our secret weapon and our communication line to the princess in the same place."

"Oh, like only one of us needs to survive to get the message here!" Applejack said with a forced giggle.

"Basically..." Twilight admitted and turned to go. "Could you guys go get Fluttershy when you are done? Then I'll go and have a talk with the mayor over the details of the party."

"Couldn't you just teleport to Fluttershy's place? This might still take a little while," Rarity explained, busy ordering the gems in a nice pattern.

"Why do I always forget that I can do that?" Twilight asked herself and vanished.

"Well, it would take a lot of the fun out of our adventures..." Applejack stated and turned to Rarity. "Do you really have to make an apple fritter stairway to the gems?"

Fluttershy's cottage, basement:

It was an honest mistake of Twilight to materialize inside Fluttershy's cottage. She knew that the pegasus would be in her basement, so materializing there made sense. But she really didn't expect to see what she saw. Nothing could prepare her for this. Fluttershy sat in front of her TV, taking busily notes. It was the program that scared Twilight:

"AT WRANGLEMANIA, I will not need your tricks, Buck Wagon! The spirits of the warhorses give me the power to ride into the sunset! SCRONK! FOR I AM THE ULTIMATE WARHORSE!" a stallion in the TV screamed at the camera.

"Let me tell you something, brother: The Buckamaniacs will unite and power my pile driver and banish you to the moon! Twice!" another stallion, sporting an impossible beard and a bandana on his head, yelled back.

"WOOO!" came the next.

"Fluttershy?" Twilight interrupted.

The pegasus spun around, blushing furiously. "Twilight! I didn't hear you come in!" She tried to grab the remote, but Twilight waved her off.

"Professional wrestling?" Twilight asked awkwardly. "I wasn't aware that you liked that..."

"Oh... I actually don't... at least not much..." Fluttershy muttered. "But Rainbow said that I needed to be more assertive... and these ponies are very assertive."

"But they don't talk like real ponies! It's all silly and fake."

"I AM NOT WHINING! I AM COMPLAINING! THIS IS WHINING: Why does Buck wear such a cheap harness? Doesn't he know this is HD-TV?" Pony Cena announced.

"No comment..." Twilight muttered. "Anyhow... I was thinking about your... plans. Maybe it would be better if you shared the library's basement with Spike so you and our wire to the princess would be in the same place."

Fluttershy nodded. "If you think so, Twilight. I'll just inform Angel. He has been so helpful."

The pegasus walked over to the door to the first floor and knocked five times. The lower half of the door flipped open and revealed a white bunny with a pot on his head. He was also shouldering a squirt gun with a carrot-bayonet.

"Twilight and I think it will be better if I stay at the library," she explained. "Please hold the line here."

The bunny saluted and turned around.

As she left the basement with Fluttershy, Twilight saw Angel give orders to the other critters in the ever-lively cottage. She was never sure how to classify the little bunny. Beneath the innocent look was a mind that she had yet to comprehend. Only two things were certain about him: He was on Fluttershy's side and he was on nobody else's.

As they left the front door behind them, Twilight had to ask: "Say, Fluttershy, has Angel always been so... helpful?"

"Oh, yes, Twilight!" Fluttershy answered happily. "Ever since I counted him after he was born, he has been nothing but very helpful to me! Even though he did turn a bit more... helpful, ever since he saw... the movie..."

"The movie?" Twilight asked in confusion. "What movie?"

"The... horrible... disgusting... terrible... horrible... bunny movie..."

"You said horrible twice."

"I know. It was so horrible, I expected Pinkie to pop up and sing a song about how horrible it was!"

"That horrible?"

Fluttershy nodded.

"Then... why did you watch it with him in the first place?"

"Because it had such a deceiving cover had good reviews in the newspaper..." Fluttershy admitted.

"What was it called?"

"Watership Down."

Back at the cottage:

Angel was done instructing the other animals. The change of plans was annoying, but no real hindrance. A squadron of birds was ready to keep an eye on the sky and the snakes were ready to infiltrate the library and keep their tongues on the happenings there (since that was their dominant sense).

The small bunny climbed the stairs, a few birds saluting him, and walked to the closet. He wanted some private time before the operation started. The bunny bowed and opened the small compartment in the back of the closet. As he approached the shrine he quietly created under Fluttershy's nose, he could not help but smile. His beloved, but very naïve, prophetess would show him the way. He would be her servant for all his life. In death, he already had a different master... right, Black Bunny of Inlé?

The Cabinet of Dr. Sparkle

Since my Beta-reader is currently unavailable and I'll be busy over the next week, I have to appologise for this pre-edit version of the fic. It will be updated, so either wait with reading, or try to overlook the raw version for now.
Also: I have to thank all my commentators for not pointing out that we have reached chapter 11 without any new dragon arriving yet! That is partially due to the fact that I don't like writing OCs. But she is on her way! I promise!

Two mares, paragons of harmony and cooperation were currently locking their gazes in a terrible battle of wills. It started right after Rarity commented that the pies were a little too dark. Applejack had answered that she put some more cinnamon into the dough, since Spike liked them like this. Now it was either lightening up the pies, so they would go with blue, or removing them from the little diorama, Rarity had constructed.

“Why don’t you just put them back in the bag?”

“Because then it looks too cold! We need a warmer colour in this! Otherwise the sapphires dominate it!” Rarity wailed “Have you lost your colour vision?”

“No, I can still tell Granny Smith from Golden Delicious!”

“That is hardly proving anything! Your grandmother is at least 40 years older than your cousin!”

“I meant the apples!”

“Yes, that’s what your family IS called.”

“I meant the... what in tarnation are you doing now?”

“Well, since the pies won’t work, we have to cover them!”

“Stop sticking your gemstones in my pies!”

Applejack lunged forwards and grabbed the pastries from the fashionista. Again, their tempers were flaring. They looked into each other’s eyes and Applejack let out a slight growl. If glares could kill, two dead ponies would be littering the basement floor right now.

She is ruining my pies!

She is ruining my efforts!

I would garrotte her if I had my lasso!

I would strangle her if I had thumbs!

Kiss her Applejack, you idiot!

Kiss me Applejack, you idiot!

Suddenly a machine exploded. The fight was quickly forgotten, as the two mares hugged each other in fright. They quickly let go of each other and looked towards the weird apparatus that was little more than smoking remains. Sadly the label was burned beyond recognition.

“I am pretty sure this was not our fault!” Applejack said “But in any case, we should probably get out of this basement! These Machines scare me!”

“It does go against good Feng-Shui.” Rarity admitted “I guess I can call it a lost cause and leave Twilight the card of my interior decorator.”

“Don’t you do that yourself?”

“I may want to explore new career options, yes.”

“So... fussing over how other ponies live?”

“I would welcome it, if you could call it differently.”

Suddenly the door opened and two mares entered the basement.

“Hello you two.” Twilight said with a smile while Fluttershy waved quietly.

“Hey there, girls!” Applejack answered.

“Hey! What happened to the sexual tension meter?” Twilight suddenly asked, seeing the smoking device in the corner “My poor prototype!”

“Why would you have... something like that?” Applejack asked quickly.

“I built it!” Twilight answered “I wanted to prove to the princess that you can quantify everything with science. Sadly I never had a chance to think of a unit...”

“Then... How exactly did that thing work?”

“With SCIENCE, of course.”

“Anyhow... since Fluttershy is here now, what is the plan?” Rarity intervened.

“Well, Fluttershy will wait for Spike and turn this into a perfect hideout. Applejack, you will go back to Sweet Apple Acres and prepare, in case we need apples for Pinkie Pie or as weapons! Rarity, you help with decorating the town for now. Once I have enough data, I will be in touch.” Twilight explained “I will go see the mayor. Later, I’ll continue studying the book. Any questions?”

“Actually, I have one, Twilight.” Applejack admitted with a bit of hesitance.

“Sure, AJ. Ask right away!”

“Do you really think that this is going to work?”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, tilting her head slightly.

“You know... this whole plan... hiding Spike, throwing a party, trying to deceive the dragoness... this whole think kinda begs to go haywire.” Applejack admitted “I mean... this just asks for some shenanigans, like me trying to lie to the dragon or Snips and Snails slipping up. Not to forget my sister and her merry band.”

“Come on, Applejack!” Twilight tried to sound secure “My plans usually work!”

“Actually, Twilight.” Rarity intervened “Your plan A usually fails in some comedic fashion. It’s your plan B or our combined effort or improvisation that usually saves the day.”

“Or Pinkie Pie...” Fluttershy added quietly.

“Girls!” Twilight finally wailed “Do you really think that I don’t know that? Heck, I expect her first words after landing to be “Now where is the little purple one that walked into the green ones cave?”! But we have to try! For Spike! If this dragoness finds and questions him, he’ll lose all credibility as a dragon!”

“So... basically we have to watch this train wreck unfold?” Applejack said quietly.

“Basically...” Twilight admitted “Now let’s get on with the plan and keep smiling! We can at least go down while we follow my plan!”

The other ponies nodded and after a few moments, Flutterhshy was the only one left in the basement. Besides the snakes that were taking position within the walls, of course.

Just as the Pegasus was done removing the remains of the exploded machine, Spike returned with two big bags on his shoulders.

“Hi, Fluttershy.” He said his mouth full of what appeared to be fluorspar “What are you doing down here?”

“Hello, Spike. Twilight said that I should help you turn the basement into a hideout and then move in with you.”

“I see...” Spike answered, while climbing down the stairs. He set the two bags aside and started to help Fluttershy with getting the scariest machines out of the way.

“I hope you won’t mind being down here with me too much.” Spike suddenly stated after an hour of quiet work. They usually didn’t have much to talk about, with Fluttershy already knowing the story of Spikes whole entire life.

“Why, of course not, Spike!” Fluttershy answered “Why would I?”

“Because... well... I know that you have a bit of a thing against dragons.”

“Oh, but not against you, Spike! I’m just afraid of the giant, enormous, sharp scaled...”

“I get it!”

“You are just too cute to be scared of.” Fluttershy added happily “And I don’t think that I will ever be scared of you! Even once you are fully grown!.”

Spike bit his lip for a second and smiled to himself. “I know you won’t... you will never see me fully grown up after all.”

Fluttershy stopped her work for a moment and turned to Spike. She was about to say something when the little dragon intervened.

“None of you will... All of you girls will be long gone before I even grow my wings.” A sad smile formed on his lips “So I really won’t have to worry about you ever being afraid of me.”

“Spike, I...”

“It’s ok. The princess taught me how to deal with having a long life. Her being immortal and all. You just have to enjoy the moments you have with those you love and...”

“And seal them in your memory. Even if it stings a little at night, just before you fall asleep.” Fluttershy finished.
Spike looked at the Pegasus in surprise.

“I... I do know how you feel, Spike.” The mare explained “Ever since I found my talent, I have been working with the animals... my friends, who lead much shorter lives than I do. I not only count the new *born* bunnies. And I can still remember when I first counted Angels mother, after she was born. I saw many eggs hatch. And I dealt with many of them... going before me. All I could do was make their time worth it. Share...”

“Whatever you had, knowing that even if they will go, you had an impact on them.” Spike added a picture of a peacefully sleeping Twilight passing his mind “A short life isn’t less valuable than a long one. And seeing them happy, makes yours so much more worth living!”

Fluttershy nodded quietly and gave Spike a big hug, which he returned.

"I'll keep you all alive... in my memory." The little dragon whispered and Fluttershy nodded.

After parting and a few more minutes of cleaning up, the two started to share a few memories. The best way of keeping those who passed alive.

It's not easy being purple

“No, Rainbow Dash! I cannot and will not permit this!”

“But Mayor Mare! What better way is there to distract the dragon from looking down into the basement than filling the sky with an awesome Sonic Rainboom?” Rainbow asked in a honeyed voice.

“Miss Dash, your first Sonic Rainboom was visible in half of Equestria, and your second was even bigger! I understand that you have to gain the speed by flying downwards, so it can only happen close to the ground! Releasing that much energy in proximity to Ponyville equals a disaster! Broken windows everywhere! The damage would be terrible,” the mayor explained.

“But the Princess is paying for the whole event!”

“That doesn’t mean that we can burn down the town!”

“I wouldn’t burn it down. Just... shake it up a bit!”

“Massage it into the ground is what I would call it.”

“So... that’s a maybe?”

“NO! No Sonic Rainboom! I want regular, good weather and maybe a few conventional tricks, if Ms. Sparkle and Pinkie deem them appropriate!”

Dash was about to start another barrage of pleading, begging, and possible bribes just as Twilight entered the mayor’s office.

“Oh, there you are, Twilight,” the mare in office said. “Could you please inform Miss Dash about her duties? And how they do not include Sonic Rainbooms!”

“Dash?” Twilight asked with a bit of surprise.

“Come on, Twi! What better advertisement for me than a dragon stating my awesomeness? My hoofs are already bound to go down in their history. Now I just have to add my wings! What better way to impress the Wonderbolts than this?”

“Is there a single thing in your life that is not focused around joining the Wonderbolts?” Twilight sighed.

Dash tilted her head. Very old and rusty gears seemed to turn inside of her head. “I think pulling pranks with Pinkie doesn’t further that goal...” she said after a while. “But why waste my life on Non-Wonderbolt related stuff?”

“Anyhow, the mayor is right. We can ask the dragoness if she wants to see your routine, but a Sonic Rainboom would be really counterproductive,” Twilight explained.

“Great!” the pegasus moaned. “Two ‘bad news’ moments and it’s not even time for my late noon nap!”

Twilight gave the mayor an apologetic look and shoved Rainbow out of the office. She really didn’t feel like piling on more trouble, but if Rainbow had a problem, she would help her.

“What is it Dash?” Twilight asked carefully, closing the office door behind her.

“Oh... I just got this stupid mail,” the pegasus explained as she grabbed an envelope from her saddle bags. “They rejected me, again!”

“Oh... Rainbow, I didn’t...” Twilight started, but decided to read the letter before trying to console her friend.

Dear Rainbow Dash
We, the Wonderbolts, are honoured that you have applied for a position within our team. Sadly we have to inform you that, by decree of Princess Celestia of Equestria, foal protection act §11. 3 you are not within the age margin for high risk stunt work.
All your efforts to join will be noted, but please remain patient, until...
“YOU’RE TWO YEARS TOO YOUNG?” Twilight yelled.

“Pah, they always send me that excuse!” Rainbow countered. “As if there was such a silly rule.”

“Of course there is! That’s also why we are also not allowed to join the guard yet! Heck, I expected you had some defect or were just afraid of officially joining. But you’re just... how can anypony be this impatient?”

“Hello! Rainbow Dash!”

“Right... Loyalty and bravery... not patience.”

“Bored now, can we do something else?”

“Or attention span...” Twilight sighed in defeat. No wonder she was best friends with Pinkie. “As I said, regular stunt work is fine. But no Rainbooms! If you blow the library away, the dragoness will see Spike!”

“I think you might want to reorganize your priorities, Miss Sparkle,” chimed a calm voice behind the door.

Twilight sighed. “Go and see if you can help Pinkie. Please.”

Dash saluted in her usual manner and left.

Twilight entered the lion’s den. The mayor was an interesting mare. Ponyville was her first priority and she ruled it with a calm and soft hoof. Feats of loyalty towards the community got rewarded and she always had the right words to motivate the inhabitants. But right now, she seemed... different. Currently she was giving Twilight the patented “hoofs together just below the lips and right over the edge of the glasses” stare. How Twilight envied ponies with glasses! They could do so many great things with them!

“Is there something you have forgotten to tell me?” The mayor asked calmly.

“As it seems, we will have to hide Spike in the library and completely deny his presence in Ponyville!” Twilight explained. “Order from the Princess!”

“Spike is a well known member of the community, Twilight. Hiding him might prove a little difficult.”

Twilight forced a small laugh.

“Ms. Sparkle... how old do you think I am?”

Twilight’s eyes turned to the size of saucers. Her mouth opened, but no word left it.

“Not that old, I can proudly say. I already had a grey mane when I was born. But I have seen my share of issues in this town. I have held this position for almost half my life, you know. Say, Miss Sparkle, do you know what an election is?”

Twilight nodded.

“I also assume that you know how the mayor of a small community, like ours, is chosen?”

“Wait, you were elected?” Twilight suddenly stammered. What a weird way to run a town!

“Yes, I have earned this job through actions and decisions. Not by having the ‘ruler’ cutie mark and not by birth. I got elected. And every two years, I have to face my voters and see if I did well.”

Twilight was slightly confused out by the concept. Politically, Canterlot was such a simple place. You had nobility and commoners on the one hoof and Princess Celestia, who ran the place basically by herself, on the other.

“To make this clear: For several years, I didn’t even have any enemies. Ponies thought that my work was so good that they wanted me to keep doing it. That changed three years ago: for the first time in almost a decade, I had to fight hard during an election! And don’t get me wrong, Miss Sparkle, I do not want to get re-elected just because I crave power or because my ego needs the stroking. I just saw the alternative! And I refuse to allow Ponyville to be turned into the chaos capital of Equestria!”

Twilight swallowed. Who could possibly be such a bad choice? And who would vote for them?

“Who...?” she asked carefully.

“Think for a moment! Who has the most friends, knows almost everypony, is loved by...”

“NO, not...!”

“YES! It’s either me or her! I would give my life to protect this town! And Miss Sparkle, if Ponyville goes down in flames OR if you cost me the next election, which would have basically the same result, I’ll make sure you do so too! Understand?”

Twilight swallowed. “Yes, ma’am!”

“Good. Now be a dear and do what you do best. And don’t forget this conversation!”
The purple mare nodded and trotted out the door, trying not to shiver too hard. She tried to imagine Pinkie Pie in this office. It involved burning houses and an enormous, government founded Robot-Ninja-Dragon made from cupcake dough, tearing the remains apart.

The mayor spun around in her chair and waited for a few minutes. Then she burst into laughter. Some ponies needed a different kind of rallying...

Twilight had made up her mind. She would fake her own death, go into hiding and live as a travelling book sales pony on the run. Even if she got robbed on a daily basis and ate things she found on the ground, it couldn’t be any more stressful than her life in Ponyville was!

“NO! I can’t do that! Spike is relying on me!” she said to herself and swallowed. What would Princess Celestia tell me in a situation like this?

The hard face of her mentor and teacher appeared inside her head: “Twilight, if you don’t keep up that insane degree of diligence and borderline OCD, I will personally punish you! And not in the way you sometimes dream of! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“NOOOOOO!” the purple mare suddenly wailed.

“Fine! Then you don’t like my roses!” a disappointed Roseluck said, turning to change the perfect bouquet behind her.
Twilight had walked right into the preparations. Awkwardly, she moved on. “Princess Celestia is your teacher and cares about you! She would never say something like that!” the nervous mare told herself.

Celestia appeared in her mind again: “Twilight, you are my most faithful student and I only give you such difficult tasks because I know that you can succeed where others would fail. So don’t disappoint me, or I will kick you out of school and turn you into my personal slave! And not like in that other dream of yours! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

I have issues... Twilight decided and blocked out any other mental images of her beloved teacher. She decided to turn her attention to the preparations. Maybe the act of turning every pony around her into a cog in her machinery would take her mind off her impending doom.

~Meanwhile in Canterlot~

“That still doesn’t explain why I have to hold every speech before the school! We are both headmistresses now,” the sun princess demanded to know.

“I will not take any more apprentices!” Luna stressed. “Remember Star Swirl? He got so nervous around me that it ended with him putting bells all over his clothes, so he would find the parts of his body I would turn invisible for fun!”

“You never turned anything of him invisible.”

“I know that! His fantasy got the best of him! If I were you, I would watch out for your student, too!”

“I am grateful for the suggestion, but I know Twilight and there is no reason to worry!” Celestia smiled. Even though she hated lying to Luna…

Big Brony is staying alive!

MLP belongs to Hasbro!

Twilight had about enough! She had spent the entire day running around taking care of things, trying to help, and then being threatened by the “elected” ruler. And as she finally got home, she didn’t even have the time to read the blasted Draconomicon! Luckily she had no time to be mad about this development because she fell asleep three steps from her bed.
The next morning was only slightly better. The unicorn awoke to a loud knocking on her door. With a full (and still slightly singed) bed-head, she opened the door, to find a rather huge package. Just as she had planned! Ponyville’s mail was great as usual! At least as long as they were not dropping their load on her…

Quickly she got to work on the ordered goods. This would only take a short time...

After half an hour of work and spellcasting, Twilight descended to the basement. She made the mistake of not knocking and was not prepared to see what she saw. As she reached the lower level, a combination of shock, awkwardness and maybe even a hint of jealousy poisoned her rather happy mood.

“Oh... hello, Twilight.” Spike greeted her with a huge blush on his face, while slightly hiding behind Fluttershy’s hair. “Didn’t expect you up so early...”

Twilight’s eyes turned into slits and anger filled her voice. “Is this what it looks like?!”

The little dragon grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. Fluttershy and he were already sweaty from what they had been doing, but now, cold sweat was added. Both had a very sheepish grin on their faces.

“Kinda...” he said very carefully. “Look, we got bored down here and thought that we needed some sort of outlet for the stress and fear...”

“And you couldn’t wait for your birthday any longer, could you?” the unicorn added rather angrily.

Fluttershy was wearing one of Twilight’s older saddles and a pair of reins (but with no bit gag). Spike was sitting on Fluttershy’s back, bearing a rolling pin and wearing a pot on his head. A small, well stitched doll that had a certain similarity to a white unicorn sat in one of the bookshelves, guarded by a ferocious predator of the night. Even Owloicious had joined in Spikes roleplaying!

“I always wanted to try out a flying mount...” Spike admitted.

“I’m a noble steed!” Fluttershy said happily.

“I see...” Twilight grumbled. “Well, I hope you enjoy your flight! Seems as if the magical unicorn wasn’t good enough! And don’t expect to be rescuing fair lady Smarty Pants this year!”

“Twilight, wait, I just... you are a great mount!” Spike said quickly.

“I AM AN EPIC MOUNT!” the unicorn yelled.

Spike sighed. The heroes in his comics never had to deal with moody steeds.

“Anyhow! I have brought you THIS!” the lavender mare announced and floated two huge globes towards the pair.

“Did you steal those from Cheerilee?” Spike asked instantly. “I hate to break it to you, sister, but disco is so dead, eve...”
“SPIKE! I’m not in the mood for your clever quips!”

“Sorry...” Spike apologised.

“These are not disco balls!” Twilight said, as she hovered one of the two-head-sized globes over to the two. They were covered with small mirrors, had a metal rod to stand on or be hung from the ceiling. But otherwise they were NOT disco globes! Only Celestia knows why Spike could have gotten that idea! (Since she was probably the only pony who remembers when disco was alive.)

“These are little mirrors that I stuck to a foam ball.” Twilight explained.

“So... they are disco globes?” Fluttershy probed.

“NO, they are Visco globes!” the unicorn retorted. “VIS as is vision and CO as in coordinated! I put a see-in-spell on all the mirrors on this globe and a see-out-spell on all mirrors of the other!”

“A what, now?” Spike asked.

“A spell that unicorns sometimes use to have a visual connection to one another. You put it on two mirrors and all the light that hits the in-mirror won’t be reflected, but transferred to the other mirror!” she explained.

“How would that help?” the dragon asked, scratching the back of his head with the rolling pin.

“Just you see!” Twilight grinned and let a small spark fly on the globe.

One of them turned black.

She did the same to the other ball.

The globe stopped to reflect and started to show. Spike could see himself from the side, Twilight looking at it and Fluttershy jumping away and hiding in a closet. The picture was a bit rough, but Twi had apparently cut the mirrors very small to make it less fuzzy.

“OH, I see! The one is like a round camera and the other is like a round TV!” Spike finally giggled.

“Without a second of delay!” Twilight added proudly. “I’ll put one of them next to the lightning rod and the other stays here. The library is one of the tallest trees in Ponyville, so you can see everything. In case something goes haywire, you’ll just send a message to the princess.”

“That is a great idea Twilight!” said Fluttershy, muffled by a closet door.

“Can you put the globe on top of the library, Fluttershy?” Twilight asked. “Right next to the lightning rod so it will look like an instrument to measure the weather. Spike and I will make breakfast.”

“What a wonderful idea, I’ll get to it right away!” the pegasus responded as she lifted the globe.

“Fluttershy, the black one!”

“But that one is scary!”

“So do you want it to stay down here?”

As the sound of the slamming door faded, Spike looked at Twilight.

“That was a tad mean...”

“I’ll apologise to her over breakfast, but it would be very bad if we put a broadcast of you on top of the library.”

“I guess you are right.”

“Just imagine how that would inflate your ego.”

“Very funny...”

While bantering, both could see half of the other globe to be covered by vanilla coloured fur on one half and the library’s outside on the other half. Suddenly the patch of fur got smaller and revealed Fluttershy as a whole, while the ground got bigger.

Twilight was about to curse, as Fluttershy caught the globe in the last second and heaved it back up.

“Butterhoofs, much?” the unicorn mumbled.

“She was probably startled by something,” Spike defended.

“She is always startled by something! Something harmless...”

Spike swallowed. He didn’t want to tell Twilight Fluttershy’s story of “the stalker.” So he simply suggested getting breakfast ready.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy was done with fixing the globe and wiped the mirrors clean, where she had touched them. Humming happily, she descended towards the library door. All of a sudden, she thought that she saw something around her leg. Too scared to look down completely, she tried to make it go away by ignoring it. But it didn’t leave!

“The stalker!” went through her head. With a quick leap, she jumped into the library and closed to door behind her.

He was gone.

But as soon as she passed the window, he was in front of her.

Fluttershy let out a yelp and jumped behind a lectern.

“Fluttershy? That’s your shadow!” said a rather confused Twilight, who had been watching from the kitchen.

“I know! He just won’t leave me alone!”

Unwilling to go into this realm of insanity (her own was bad enough) Twilight turned and helped Spike to finish the breakfast preparation.

Finally, they all sat down to eat. Spike had a bowl of cereal and a geode for later. Twilight and Fluttershy were busy with two bowls of hot porridge. They refused to call it differently, ever since they had that conversation with Pinkie.

“Say... Twilight?” Fluttershy asked after a short while. “Who is Smarty Pants?”

“Here we go...” mumbled Spike quietly.

“Oh! You don’t know her?” Twilight asked back. “The best business idea in the history of dolls! A hoof stitched doll with pants on that comes with its own notebook and a quill! So you can pretend that she is doing homework! Or that she is writing an exam! That, my dear is the ultimate gift to a young pony!”

“Sounds... nice?”

“She is more than just nice! I will never understand why the toymaker went bankrupt after only two hours... I played with mine constantly!”

-Canterlot: Several years ago-

It was a long day for the stallion and he had earned his wage and some rest. As he entered the living room of their humble home, he was greeted by his loving mare. After a welcome kiss and a passionate embrace, they talked about their days. Finally, a certain topic popped up.

“So, darling, what is our daughter doing?”

“She is upstairs, pretending that her doll is tardy with an assignment. She went through two notebooks of pretended work.”
“What exactly have we done wrong?”

“I’m still trying to figure that out myself!”

-Ponyville: Present-

Twilight had fished her propaganda speech about the wonders of her Smarty Pants doll and everyone had finished their breakfast. While Spike was doing the dishes, Fluttershy went to grab some more supplies for their hiding hole.
Now the purple unicorn ascended the stairs to finally get some more knowledge from the book… and maybe pretend that Smarty Pants was taking notes!

A very late beginning

She had been reading the book for four hours now and Twilight had to admit one thing: She was confused.
Dragons were completely different from ponies. She had figured that much out by living with one. But what was written in this book completely baffled her.

First: They were basically indestructible. As absolute omnivores, a dragon could live off dirt and morning dew. They just needed something that contained magical energy. And in a land like Equestria, such matter was not a rare thing. Gemstones usually contained more magical energy (which was why they were used for wands, magical swords or the Elements of Harmony), so it was no wonder that they preferred them.
Even their eggs did little else than drain the surrounding area of magic. Twilight finally understood why a dragon egg was used in the entry exam. She was never meant to hatch it, just to throw as much magic as possible at it and see if it reacted (usually by shifting position slightly). The picture was just a way to motivate or de-motivate, depending on the pony.
And seeing how thick their scales were, how strong their muscles and teeth… Abandoning their newborns didn’t seem as cruel when the newborns were dangerous from the first moment.

Second: Dragons had probably the weirdest magic imaginable. The magic Twilight was familiar with, unicorn magic, was a magic of manipulation and subtle changes (it was easy to levitate objects or make it brighter; creating things or changing their nature was very hard). Dragons with mastery of their abilities could basically reshape themselves in any way they wanted. This magic was restrained to their bodies, but limitless in this territory.
She could remember the green one, growing spikes on his tail that were longer than the tail was thick or hardening his entire finger into a solid claw. That also explained how Spike could extend his tongue as much as he sometimes did (usually when it involved cake frosting or gems).

Third: The language barrier was back. Half of the book was sadly illegible. While the first chapters about basic anatomy and dragon magic instantly formed inside Twilight’s head once she looked at the letters, the description of their lifecycle was only halfway legible and the rest simply remained a mish-mash of weird, burning letters.
All she could find out was that Spike would grow his wings in about 150 years. Apparently, it was a very painful process and comparable to finding your cutie mark. (The fact that nothing could make a dragon’s wings appear before their time, not the painful part… at least for most ponies.) It marked the end of their Baby or “wyrmling” time and began their puberty.
Sadly for Twilight, she could read the following part. Apparently, dragons were sexually active long before their puberty began, which gave Spike’s romantic quests a rather uncomfortable aftertaste. Puberty only marked the beginning of their fertility. The worst part was the fact that a male dragon had written this book... which made this chapter an itemization of his romantic quests and victories. And she could not skip those parts without losing too much information. A part of her wished that Rarity would fall in love with a line of chastity belts or Hazmat suits.
The only solid information she could find was that Adalana was around 750 years old. And that the writer was really full of himself...

Twilight closed the book and sighed. All she could do now was tell Rarity to throw praise and hope it would stick.

“Well, it works for spaghetti!” the unicorn muttered and got up.

There were exactly 24 hours left and she had a celebration to organize!

-23 hours later-

Twilight triple-checked to make sure everything was going according to plan. Sure, everypony was on time and working.

Applejack and her family provided most of the resources from their farm.

Rainbow helped with weather (10 seconds flat), catering, and everything that needed transport and speed.

Pinkie was doing her usual great job with her party-cannon, her celebration-repeater and the fête-heavy-support-rifle.

Rarity overlooked the finishing touches and was currently writing her speech. Luckily Twilight didn’t need to reveal Spike’s habit of bubble baths the length of Germanian operas to get her to understand draconic vanity.

As the enormous roll of paper levitated towards her dresser, Twilight wondered if she should start using pencils... erasing things might save some paper. But then again, “Quills and Sofas” was expanding the shop. At least it was good for the economy! (Not so much for the ecology... 12 acres of forest, just for one month of Twilight’s checklists!)

The unicorn swallowed once and left the library.

“Let the train wreck begin!” she muttered.

-

At the same time, on the outskirts of Ponyville, a blue mare with a light cyan mane strutted over the dirt roads. They had destroyed her home, humiliated her and driven her off! Now she would return and wreak havoc on them all! Now she would destroy that sexy... erm... pathetic unicorn and her silly friends!
The great and powerful Trixie would have her revenge!
Suddenly the sun disappeared. Trixie looked up. An enormous beast had blocked it for a few moments. As the sunshine returned, Trixie’s gaze followed the monstrosity. It headed towards Ponyville. She could see it land there!
“The great and powerful Trixie is not impressed by this... thing!” the mare proclaimed to the surrounding landscape. “But they have also wronged me in... Appleloosa! Or Trottingham! I’ll go take vengeance on them first!”
She turned and left the pitiable village to the dragon’s whims.

-

Twilight stood next to the mayor and Rarity in front of the city hall. The others had painted a huge bull’s eye on the ground, so the dragon knew where to land.
Nightmare Night seemed harmless compared to this spectacle. Streamers, balloons, food stands and even a ferries wheel had been erected to make this a spectacle to behold.
Hot sweat was on Twilight’s face as Rainbow Dash announced the arrival, and soon enough, she could see her.
The dragoness was... impressive.
Her scales shone in a beamless silver, while the belly line was almost white. Her spikes and brow-scales had a darker grey tone, like carbonized steel.
Generally, she looked like a pillar of mat silver and steel with two enormous wings on her back. And though her palette was light, there was not a stain of dirt on her. The only imperfection was a scar beneath her neck, where the shoulder started.
Twilight didn’t want to imagine where it came from and rather looked for the differences to the other dragons she had encountered:
This dragon was a little smaller and leaner. She was still bigger than sugar cube corner and unlike the other dragons Twilight could not see an ounce of fat on her. Her head was slightly rounder than the red dragon’s was, but her spikes were as sharp as they got, giving her a saw blade like look.
The unicorn could only compare them to cats. While Spike was a bit like Opal, who could be dangerous, even though she didn’t seem like it at first, this one was a mangy street cat. Thin, muscled and dangerous.

-

Beneath the library, Spike could make her out clearly on the Visco-Globe. There she was. The reason he had to hide like a criminal. His love, Rarity, would praise her for simply appearing. And poor Fluttershy was shivering, all because of HER!
The little dragon grinded his teeth and said the only thing he could right now: “WOW, she is HOT!”
Fluttershy looked at him in puzzlement. “Don’t you have a crush on Rarity?”
“Rarity is a paragon of beauty!” Spike answered proudly. “Her beauty shines from a beautiful heart and a soul, purer than any diamond could ever be! But that dragon is just... hot!”

-

Meanwhile the dragoness stood tall on the bull’s eye, slowly folded her wings, and looked at them through gunmetal grey eyes. First at Twilight, Rarity and finally the mayor, who stood at the podium.

“Honoured guest!” The mayor broke the silence. “As the mayor of Ponyville, I am very happy to greet you in our humble village! We have announced the day of your arrival to be a day of celebration and hope that you enjoy your stay in this fair village! Here with me are Twilight Sparkle, the personal student of Princess Celestia, who will tend to your needs and Rarity, our local fashion expert, who will welcome you in the traditional Canterlot style. Now, I will give the stage to her. Have a wonderful stay and please enjoy yourself.”

Rarity levitated her notes in front of herself and took centre stage.

She was just about to start, when the dragoness suddenly intervened.
“So...” she started with a cold voice, folding her front arms. “You think that you can appease me with this obvious attempt to make me feel special? Fly in the best celebrity you find, turn my arrival into a carnival and tell everyone to have a good time, just so I am more inclined to behave? This is a very obvious and manipulative attempt to get on my good side, I have to say!”
With the last syllable and a loud SHING, one of her fingers extended into a long claw.

The word silence does not begin to describe what followed. It was as if the air simply refused to carry sound. There was no wind, no insects, nothing.

Twilight didn’t feel the eyes of the mayor burning into her back. And even if had felt them, she wouldn’t have cared. Twilight felt her body dying of fear. She couldn’t hear her heart beat, her lungs didn’t fill themselves and she was sure that her neural system was shutting down as well.
And it was wonderful! She could experience death in the way every scientist wished they could: completely aware and thinking! She would leave this world with knowledge that was in no book! Happily, she accepted the embrace of the pale horse.

Meanwhile, the dragoness slowly lowered herself into a prone position and extended her arm. Coldly she stabbed and brought the punctured caramel apple to her mouth. It disappeared and left a grin on her face.

“What a nice idea! I like it when towns do their homework! You may continue to stroke my ego!” she said with satisfaction.

Rarity exhaled in relief, Twilight felt life returning and somewhere in a basement, Spike was able to CPR Fluttershy back into this world.

The troubles had begun!

Mixing pink with silver

Twilight had known Spike for all his life. She had seen him hatch, grow and turn into the fine young dragon that he was now. And she knew that he loved the praise he got. But he was literally centuries away from what the silver monstrosity was doing right now.

Rarity had just started to point out the natural beauty of her scales—just mentioned the nice silver tone—and the dragoness was already engulfed. As Rarity went on, it became worse!

This was not basking in compliments. This was soaking in praise, drinking it up and… Twilight officially ran out of metaphors at this point.

While Rarity was talking, the dragoness was tracing her scales or spikes, depending on what Rarity was currently talking about. Sometimes a pleased grin would appear on her face or she would shift, as to give Rarity a new angle to look at and praise.

This was borderline obscene! Twilight was getting worried about foals watching.

Spike, on the other claw, had quite the show in the library’s basement. Fluttershy, ever the naïve mare, simply wondered why he was complaining about not having a camera around. And the drooling!

“Spike, are you all right?” she finally asked.

“I’M NOT UNDRESSING HER WITH THE POWER OF MY MIND!”

“But she’s already naked.”

At this point, Fluttershy had to administer CPR.

Meanwhile, Rarity was done with the first ten minutes and was getting desperate. There was a lot of dragon in front of her, but not much ground to cover from a praising point of view. Beside the basic aesthetics, she had no idea of dragon ideals of beauty or what they regarded as majestic. Sure, they were majestic compared to ponies (or to most other creatures), but what were their deeper ideals?

Rarity silently cursed herself for not being shallower.

“That should be sufficient for the moment!”

Rarity stopped dead in her tracks.

The dragoness’s voice was almost velvet and very silent for a being of her size. Not at all like the roaring of the red one.
“You may praise me a little more at a later time,” she said with a grin, stroking her spikes one last time. “Maybe after we talked a little and I gave you some more material.”

Rarity somehow managed to hide her shock. Was this thing psychic?

Twilight, on the other hoof, finally understood. And this understanding truly scared her. The lavender mare was not easily scared. She had dealt with a manticore, charged a hydra, and even defied a vengeful goddess. This dragon was not scary because she was big, strong or wild. Unlike a hydra, this was not a hazard that could be easily outsmarted or a clearly evil enemy.

This being was 750 years old. When she was born, the mare in the moon had been there for only two generations. Only Celestia knew how many ponies, zebras, or other beings she had met. And with this need for praise, she had not avoided socializing.

This is why they are so terrifying! Twilight thought. They’re not just powerful: they’re cunning and sly, as well! All of that muscle and mass is backed up by years upon years of experience. Spike is half my age and he is already as smart as a grown pony. How many of his lifetimes has she already seen?

“Now, I think we should address the logistics of my stay!”

Twilight looked up.

“I intend to remain here for two weeks,” the dragoness informed calmly. “You will not have to canter to my physical needs. I have arranged the necessities. But I will, of course, accept any gift given freely. And I intent to take a short nap for the last four days. So if your weather team could ensure that a place around here stays dry for that time, I would be very grateful.”
“Excuse me!” Twilight spoke up. “But wouldn’t the snoring produce a lot of smoke?”

“I am a lady, Miss Sparkle!”

Twilight tilted her head in confusion.

Behind her, Rarity let out a frustrated hiss.

Ever so subtly, Twilight turned around and looked at her in puzzlement.

Rarity sighed in resignation: “Ladies do not snore!”

Twilight went red, earning a very soft laugh from the dragoness.

“And Miss Mayor!”

Now the beige mare with the grey hair looked up.

“This is for your efforts.”

The dragoness extended her left claw, the one she had kept closed until now, over to the podium. For just a moment, Twilight saw something strange in her face, a slight tensing and hardening of her features. As if something was holding her back. Finally, as her face relaxed, the claw opened, dropping a battered chest. It sprung open on contact with the ground and revealed a new retirement home, new benches in every classroom, and a new main road in different coins.

“But Princess Celestia is already covering any expenses,” the mayor stammered after a second of shock.

“I know…” the dragon simply stated. “Think of it as a tip.”

“That is very generous!” the mayor replied. Somewhere a cash register could be heard.

“Indeed...” the silver beast agreed. Her eyes rolled towards Rarity for a second, as if to remind her to take some mental notes. Not that she needed any reminding. “Now, let us get this party going!” the dragoness announced and turned towards the food stand, ordering a few treats.

Twilight, however, was trying to figure out what exactly was happening around her. Giving away a part of her hoard? That was very suspicious!

“EXCUUUUUUSE ME!” a familiar voice interfered, before the dragoness could start eating.

Adalana looked downwards and spotted a very pink pony.

“Miss Dragon!” Pinkie called. “Yesterday, when I prepared this party, I thought to myself: Pinkie, I thought, why aren’t doorframes edible? When you lose your key, you could just eat the frame and get in without damaging the door! That is an issue that has to be addressed! But then, when I was about to write an angry letter to the door frame company, I remembered that you couldn’t even pass through doors, since we are all small Pony-wonies and you are such an enourmy-wormy! So I had the idea of preparing an indoor game for your outside! If you could follow me to the lake over there, you can play as well!”

The dragoness raised her brow-scales curiously. “How considerate. Why don’t you lead the way?”

“EVERYPONY CAN EITHER STAY OR COME TO WATCH!” Pinkie announced in a very Canterlot-esque way and started bouncing ahead.

As the “enourmy-wormy” started to follow Pinkie, Twilight turned to Rarity.

“Rarity, you did so great! I would have never imagined this to happen and you remained composed through all of it!”

“Yes, Twilight, it was surprising and a bit scary. Can you imagine this? I almost started to cry when it started!”

“Hard to foresee this, wasn’t it?”

“Yes! I mean… SILVER? That is so… modest! Gold I could praise for hours! Hay, even copper! But silver? That’s something you use to highlight darker colours, not cover yourself in! Really, this poor dragoness has to live with a worse fashion offense than poor Zecora! What would… Twilight? Where are you going?”

Twilight followed right after the dragoness, mumbling to herself about Rarity’s priorities. Only a few other ponies were coming along. Apparently they were worried about the possibility of the dragon eating all the food upon return (some were all too familiar with Spike).

At a small lake, just outside of Ponyville, Pinkie stopped and turned around with a grin on her face. The lake was more like a big pond, but clean and probably deep. Strange objects with the average size of a huge beach ball drifted on the surface.

“You see, we catapulted several treats into the lake. Now you can bob for them, just like the others can for apples!”

Twilight let out a deep sigh of relief. This seemed rather safe!

“What a cute idea,” the dragoness admitted. “May I ask what treats?”

“No. Pinkie secret! I can’t ruin the surprise.”

Adalana gave Pinkie a smile, much to Twilight’s relief and let herself down on all four again. Careful not to slip, the huge reptile bent over and bobbed. She retreated with a full mouth and started to chew.

“A bundle of apples with… cinnamon filling? That’s hearth warming’s eve all over again!” she announced happily. “What a nice play!”

“Bob again! Bob again!” Pinkie demanded.

And so she did.

“That one is… cherries and bananas?”

“Right again!”

Twilight relaxed again. Pinkie had outdone herself. This truly was a cute idea to involve the dragon in their activities and win her over. And there was no way to see it in any manipulative way. Pinkie was much too enthusiastic about it, waiting happily for every guess and commenting eagerly.

Sure, there was nothing that could possibly go… Klonk.

Twilight looked up as she heard the sound of metal.

NO!

BOOOOOOOOOM!

Where? Where? Where had Pinkie found a drifting mine?

Pinkie was laughing tears at the view of the huge and silver dragoness’s head and shoulders being covered in black soot. As she opened her eyes, the dragon seemed to look even funnier, now two huge white saucers in a big blackened face that was still slightly smoking.

Twilight had to admit that it was kind of funny.

Just like reading a very amusing joke that was written on the front of an incoming train.