JUST A SUNRISE
Twilight Sparkle, Equestria's newest princess, tossed and turned in her bed, struggling in vain to get a few hours of sleep before morning came along. Her new set of wings still felt alien to her body and getting into a comfortable sleeping position had proven surprisingly difficult. But it wasn't just the wings that kept her awake this night.
It was the night of her coronation, and she was staying at the royal palace as an honored guest of Princess Celestia. In accordance to her new social standing, she had been given a huge and luxurious suite ordinarily reserved for visiting dignitaries. Her bed was an enormous monstrosity decked out in the softest mattresses and smoothest sheets she had ever touched. It made her feel guilty that such a nice bed would be wasted on her insomnia. In nearby rooms, all her friends from Ponyville were fast asleep after a long day of festivities. Hours earlier they had all stumbled into their beds, stuffed with cake and weary from dancing, instantly falling into a deep and peaceful sleep. All except Princess Twilight Sparkle.
It had all happened so fast: She'd only officially been a princess for a day and while some time had passed since her transformation into an alicorn, it seemed like only yesterday she'd been just regular Twilight Sparkle, a small town unicorn librarian. Becoming a princess had made her happy, of course – never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined she would one day be royalty, but her ambition had always been to do her best and make her teacher proud of her. She certainly seemed to have accomplished that now.
It wasn't until after her speech at the coronation that the full scope of it all had finally hit her. After being dazzled by the glamor of the present she had finally looked to the future, only to see new responsibilities, new challenges, and other things. Things that now kept her awake though her tired mind yearned for sleep – a realization that made her mull and brood and ponder; a growing anxiety gnawing at her heart. A question that would give her no peace until properly answered.
Twilight Sparkle sat up in her bed and sighed. She had no idea what time it was. It had to be close to morning but the sky was still dark outside her window. Even so, she knew it was pointless to keep trying. She turned her head and looked to her crown that rested on the nightstand next to her bed. It occurred to her that the jeweled circlet had been hers ever since that first adventure in Ponyville. It almost seemed like a lifetime ago. She levitated the crown over to herself and regarded it, letting slip a slight chuckle.
”I really should have seen it coming, shouldn't I?” she whispered. Her Element of Harmony had been a crown all along. Why had she never realized that before? It all seemed so obvious in hindsight.
Making up her mind, Twilight put the crown back down and snuck out of bed, quietly as to not wake Spike who slumbered in a smaller bed nearby. Seeing his sleeping face reminded Twilight that she was still surrounded by friends and family – not just her dear pony friends and adopted dragon brother, but her parents had a room nearby as well, as did Shining Armor and Cadence. But she knew that only one pony could ease her worries now. Twilight needed to talk to Princess Celestia.
She snuck out of her suite and started to navigate the empty halls of the castle. Once away from her quarters she allowed herself to walk more naturally, with the temporary alertness of an insomniac who has finally given up on sleep. The ancient walls were thick and she doubted the echoes of her hooves against the marble would disturb anypony, so there was no reason to sneak around like a thief in the night. The only other ponies she met on the way were a few servants and the guards on the morning patrol. They dutifully bowed their heads when she passed them by, none of them questioning why Princess Twilight Sparkle was up and about so early.
As she walked, she wondered if this was a good idea. She briefly considered returning to her bed and trying again at a more sensible hour, but as she had already come this far she decided to go through with it. Worst case scenario, Celestia would simply ask her to come by later. Twilight had little doubt her teacher was already wide awake, at any rate - she knew Celestia somehow got by on only a few hours of sleep each night. By necessity she always had to be out of bed by sunrise yet Twilight knew she would sometimes stay up long after sunset. Perhaps, after all those decades ruling both the day and the night, she didn't need to sleep at all. Maybe there was some sort of spell for that? Twilight made a mental note to ask the princess to teach her the secret. She sure could use it for nights like these.
She finally approached the royal chambers, finding two pegasi guards standing ever vigilant by the door. Also present was the royal valet, a steel-blue unicorn who quickly stifled a yawn when he saw her approach. It was the closest she had ever seen him come to dropping his impermeable composure. ”Oh, Princess Twilight, a good morning to you,” he greeted her, bowing his head.
”Good morning, Sangfroid,” Twilight replied. ”I know it's very early, but I need to speak to the princess about something. Uh, if she will see me, that is.”
”The Royal Sisters are both within the chamber as we speak,” Sangfroid pointed out. ”I presume you are referring to Princess Celestia?”
Twilight nodded. ”That's right.”
”Very well,” the unicorn said, ”please wait here for a moment while I inform her Highness that you wish to see her.”
As Sangfroid retreated into the chamber, Twilight tried to ignore the dull pressure behind her eyes and the slight feeling of nausea in her gut. She hated being deprived of sleep. She looked at the two pegasi guards, who had remained perfectly silent and stone-faced since she arrived. All royal guards looked mostly the same for the sake of uniformity, but Twilight had become acquainted with most of Celestia's bodyguards over the years and she soon recognized these two. ”Squall, Cloud.” she said, giving them both a weak smile. ”I, um, take it all is well?”
”Yes, your Highness,” said the one named Cloud.
”Nothing to report, your Highness,” Squall added.
Their chiseled alabaster features remained exactly as stolid as ever. Twilight frowned slightly. ”Well... I hope you two are having a better morning than I am, anyway.”
”We couldn't say, your Highness,” Cloud replied, just as curt as before.
A frustrated groan escaped Twilight before she could stop herself. ”Oh, come on! You guys know me, I'm Twilight Sparkle. You don't have to call me 'Princess' or 'Highness' all the time.”
”Actually we do, your Highness,” Squall said. ”Captain High Standard told us so himself.”
”All interactions with the royal family must be kept strictly professional at all times,” Cloud added. ”Your Highness.”
Twilight sighed. ”High Standard is keeping you on a pretty short leash, huh?”
Squall and Cloud exchanged glances, then sighed in unison.
”You have no idea,” Squall said.
”Please tell your brother to come back,” Cloud pleaded. ”Everything is forgiven. Everything.”
Twilight chuckled, relieved that some things still hadn't changed. ”Tell you what, I'll talk to the princess and see if we can't get High Standard to cut you boys some slack, at least around me.”
”Princess Twilight, her Highness has agreed to see you now.”
Twilight was surprised to find Sangfroid standing right next to her. She hadn't noticed the servant return. Clearly, she was even more tired than she'd thought. ”Thank you,” she said and hurried towards the chamber door.
”Hey, Twilight?”
She turned around. ”Yes?”
Cloud smiled at her through the visor of his helmet. ”You know, we're all really happy for you.” Squall nodded in agreement, and even Sangfroid's stoic expression brightened somewhat.
Twilight smiled back at them. ”Thanks.”
Even though Twilight was one of the few ponies who had visited Celestia's quarters on several occasions, she could never quite shake the feeling of intruding on a private realm where mortals were not meant to tread. Not that there was anything special about the royal chamber – it was certainly large, but surprisingly modest for belonging to the eternal ruler of Equestria. It had a big skylight and an enormous bed that, in support of Twilight's suspicions, rarely seemed to have been used. One corner of the room housed a small laboratory, a table full of assorted tools and equipment for magical experiments, and even a small crafting workshop. Unlike the sleeping area, this part of the room appeared to see use on a regular basis. A fountain in the shape of a small artificial waterfall filled the air with the subtle ambiance of running water.
More than anything, however, the chamber resembled a small library, with every available surface occupied by shelves full of scrolls and books. As a filly, Twilight had been surprised to learn that a large portion of Celestia's private collection consisted of romance and adventure novels. Most of them were very well-preserved first editions, of course, and some of them were centuries old. A particular shelf had been reserved for the complete Adventures of Daring Do, including most of the officially licensed derivative novels, as well as several unlicensed ones.
A private realm where mortals were not meant to tread, indeed.
As Twilight nervously entered the room, she saw that Sangfroid had spoken the truth: Both Celestia and Luna were standing at the grand balcony on the eastern side of the castle wing. They appeared to be discussing something but when Luna noticed Twilight's approach, she bowed her head to her sister. ”Well then, I shall retire for the morrow. I wish you a good day,” Twilight heard her say.
When they met each other halfway across the room, Luna stopped to address her: ”Princess Twilight Sparkle. I am sorry that you have been unable to find solace in my night.”
Twilight felt a bit embarrassed. ”You noticed, huh?”
”Of course. It pains me to know that your sleep is troubled. I hope my sister can bring an end to your unrest.” Luna's expression softened somewhat. ”If not, feel free to seek my counsel as well, and I will help if I can.”
”I'll keep that in mind,” Twilight said. ”Thank you, Princess Luna, that's very kind of you.”
”Think nothing of it,” Luna replied. ”After all, you are one of us now.”
She gave Twilight one last nod and left the room. Twilight drew a deep breath to steel herself. Her thoughts and feelings were a jumbled mess, but she forced her mind to clear. She needed to stay focused for this.
As she stepped out on the balcony, Princess Celestia turned to look at her with a slight smile on her lips. ”Good morning, Twilight,” she said softly. ”You wanted to speak with me?”
”Yes,” Twilight replied. ”I, um, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?”
”Oh,” Celestia turned her face eastward, ”nothing much.”
Twilight followed her gaze. The balcony offered a breathtaking view of the Equestrian landscape. The stars were still visible over their heads, but beyond the horizon a warm, slowly growing glow reflected against the tall mountains and the sky had started to turn blue along the edge.
”Oh.” Twilight wanted to facehoof. ”Oooh! I'm so stupid. You were just about to raise the sun! I mean, of course you were. I... I'll just come back later when...”
”No, it's alright.” Celestia closed her eyes for a moment and the glow at the horizon suddenly slowed to a halt. ”It can wait.”
”But...” Twilight frowned. ”But it's the sun.”
”Yes, but it can wait,” Celestia insisted. ”Twilight, you come to my personal chamber at six in the morning and you don't seem to have slept at all. There's obviously something troubling you. Since you're already here, please, talk to me.”
Still feeling a pang of shame, Twilight hung her head. What was she thinking, bothering the Princess with her own trivial worries at a time like this? Even so, she forced herself to speak: ”There is something I want to ask you. Something that's been on my mind since yesterday's banquet. I should probably have asked you sooner but it just didn't occur to me until now. I... I need to know...”
There was no going back now. Twilight swallowed her fear and looked up at her teacher. ”Am I going to live forever? Now that I'm...” she waved her wings slightly, ”...this way, have I become like you and Luna? Am I immortal now?”
Celestia remained silent for a moment, the look on her face utterly inscrutable. ”Supposing you are,” she said, ”how would you feel about that?”
”I... I don't know,” Twilight admitted. ”I mean, it's not like I want to die. There's so much in this world to see and do and learn. But living forever, never growing old? That means I would have to stand by and watch my friends age and pass on before my eyes while I go on living. And not just them, it would be like that with everypony. I'm... I'm not sure I could stand that.”
Celestia still said nothing, and Twilight heard herself go on talking, babbling, as if the words kept spilling out on their own: ”But at the same time, I don't want to seem ungrateful! Especially not to you. Princess Celestia, you've given me so much, I can't even begin to express my gratitude. And that's why I can't stand the thought of letting you down, to... to disappoint you. I-I've never asked you how old you are, but I think I have a pretty good idea by now. You of all ponies would know what eternal life means. Somehow you endure, but I don't know how. I don't know if I could ever be like you. I can't even imagine what we must look like from your perspective. Are we... Are we just moments to you? Is a mortal life just a fleeting sunrise, one of the countless thousands you've witnessed? I don't know if I could ever live like that. I don't know if I'd even want to.” She hung her head again. ”I'm sorry.”
She wasn't sure what she expected next. A lecture, perhaps? A stern speech about responsibility and sacrifice. Criticism for her immaturity. Disappointment.
She was surprised to feel a gentle wing wrap over her shoulders and a soft mane against her neck. Princess Celestia had simply knelt down and hugged her.
”Oh, Twilight,” she whispered. ”My dear, dear Twilight Sparkle. Did you really think me so cruel? Did you really think I would force something like that on you against your will?”
A gasp escaped Twilight's lips. Her legs threatened to buckle underneath her, but at the same time she felt as if the weight of the whole world has been taken off her back. ”I'm... I'm not immortal?”
Celestia raised her head and smiled at her. ”Not unless you want to be.”
Twilight blinked in sudden confusion. ”You mean I have a choice?”
”But of course you do,” Celestia said. ”As an alicorn and a princess of Equestria, you may choose to go on living for as long as the sun will rise. And I won't lie, Twilight, that would make me very happy. But if you so wish, you may also live as a mortal and pass on when your time in this world runs out. If that is your choice, I can only hope that day is still many, many years ahead. But even if I wanted to, I could never make you stay against your will. That is impossible.”
”Even for you?” Twilight asked.
”Even for me.” Celestia gestured with her wing towards the frozen glow far in the east. ”I can stall the sunrise for a little while, but eventually the sun must rise all the same. Then, in time, it must set again. Night follows day, day follows night. Change is the natural state of things. I don't know what rules govern other worlds, but in this one, death is a natural consequence of living. Immortality is a rare and precious gift, Twilight. A gift. And like all gifts, it must be freely accepted or it isn't a gift at all. I can weave spells that keep you healthy, raise shields to protect you, and strike down enemies who wish to harm you. But I cannot force you to live forever. Nopony can. Such magic simply does not exist in this world.”
”I see,” Twilight said, letting all this sink in. ”But wait, if that's true, does that mean you and Luna made the same choice?”
”Of course,” Celestia said. ”We could fade from this world in a mere lifetime if we so wished. But because we love this world, we have chosen to remain instead. So you see, you wouldn't have to part with everypony. Luna and I won't be going anywhere, and Spike will be around for a very long time as well.”
”That's true,” Twilight admitted. ”And Cadence? Did she also... No, wait,” she shook her head. ”You don't need to answer that. I'm sure she'll want to tell me herself, in time.”
Celestia gave her an approving nod, as if she had unknowingly passed some sort of test. ”So, have I eased your worries now?”
”It is a relief to know it will be up to me,” Twilight said. ”But I think I'm still conflicted. I wish I could say I have some kind of noble conviction like you do, but the truth is I'm just worried about myself – worried about the heartache I may have to face if I follow the same path as you. Does... Does that make me a coward? Would it still be worth it in the long run, or is it better for me to just live out my natural lifespan and be content with that?”
”Good question,” Celestia said. ”I honestly have no idea.”
Twilight gave her a baffled look. Celestia chuckled. ”Surprised? The truth is, this unending life of mine has earned me both envy and pity. I have seen ponies at the brink of death continue to fight to the bitter end, raging against the dying of the light with a fierceness and passion that moved me to tears. But I have also seen those who greet death like a dear old friend, facing their ends with such grace and dignity I thought them far more worthy to bear this crown than I ever was. I cannot decide which of them were right and which were wrong, nor is it my place to say when a life should or should not end. All I can say is this: A never-ending life is neither a curse nor a blessing. It is simply a life, not that much different from any other.” She paused, looked up at the canopy of stars above, and sighed. ”Listen to me. You've got me rambling like an old mare.”
Twilight shook her head. ”No, it does comfort me to hear you talk like that. But... I just need to know, how do you stand it? All those goodbyes? If you can choose to... to end it at any time, what makes you go on?”
Rather than answer right away, Celestia looked thoughtful and once more turned her ancient gaze to regard the dim, perpetual dawn by the horizon. ”What did you say before? That to me, a mortal's life must be like a fleeting sunrise? I won't lie, there's some truth to it. But still, what's wrong with that? There is no such thing as just a sunrise, Twilight. Each one, however transient, is a single beautiful miracle. You can paint the sunrise on a canvas, or describe it with words, but it will never be the same as the real thing. No matter how beautiful it is, you have to let it go and be grateful for that one moment of beauty. But then there shall be another sunrise, and I will be just as grateful to have seen it. Rather than lament what I have lost, I try to cherish what I have gained. I have had so many friends, Twilight, and I remember every one. Yes, I've had to say goodbye many times, but the love and happiness those ponies gave me is still a part of me to this very day.” She smiled. ”And if I hadn't chosen an immortal life, I would never had lived to meet you.”
Twilight blushed. ”I-I'm hardly worth...” she started, but a gentle hoof touched her lips and silenced her.
”Yes, you are.” Celestia smiled warmly. ”Princess Twilight Sparkle, my brilliant star pupil, my most clever little pony. I have waited a thousand years to meet you, and you know what? It was worth every single day.”
Twilight fell speechless. Her chest suddenly seemed too tight around her heart, and she felt her breath start to quiver. Even if she had found the words to express what she felt right then, she feared speaking them out loud would only cause her to break down in tears. But the look on her face told Celestia everything. There was no need for words.
”Now then,” Celestia said, ”we've left the sun waiting long enough, don't you think?”
She stepped over to the edge of the balcony with Twilight quietly following by her side. Celestia closed her eyes in concentration and spread her wings wide. Then she opened her eyes, and the sun slowly rose above the horizon. The light spilled forth between the mountains, painting the gray clouds in brilliant shades of rose, purple and gold. The eastern stars quickly faded into the deep blue of the morning sky. Soon the night would have passed completely, giving birth to a bright new day.
Twilight felt a tear run down her cheek. ”It's beautiful,” she whispered.
Celestia nodded, folding her wings again. ”I'm particularly proud of this one.”
”Thank you,” Twilight sniffled. ”For everything. For... For being you.”
”So are you feeling better now?” Celestia asked. ”Do you think you'll be able to sleep?”
”I think so, yeah,” Twilight nodded. As her anxiety melted away in the sunlight, her drowsiness seemed to come over her all at once. A part of her wanted to lay down and sleep right there, at the hooves of her beloved mentor.
Celestia seemed to notice. ”Tell you what, why don't you head back to bed and sleep for a few hours? I'll let everypony know not to disturb you. You have no duties for today, and I doubt anypony would mind if you sleep in.” Her smile turned mischievous. ”In fact, let's call it a holiday. It's not often Equestria gains a new princess, after all.”
”You know what? I think I'll take you up on that.” Twilight yawned and turned to leave, careful not to stumble on her own hooves. ”Thanks.”
After only a few shuffling steps, however, Celestia spoke again: ”Twilight? One more thing before you go.”
Twilight turned to look at her. ”Yes?”
”You are still young, Twilight,” said Celestia with emphasis. ”Much too young to be thinking about death or life eternal. There's no need for you to make your choice anytime soon. You have an entire lifetime to decide.”
”That's true,” Twilight said, sighing slightly as the last of her worry faded. Her hazy mind suddenly recalled a promise from earlier. ”By the way, I almost forgot. Do you suppose we could get Captain High Standard to go a bit easier on the guards? He's got them scared to even talk to me now.”
”Oh?” Celestia grinned. ”Is that your first decree as a princess?”
”How about a favor from a friend?” Twilight replied.
Celestia laughed. ”Consider it done!”
Twilight somehow found her way back to her suite without falling over. Spike still lay gently snoring in his bed, having thrown his blanket off in his sleep. Twilight lit her horn up as she passed him by, pulling it back over him. Knowing Spike, he'd sleep for another few hours as well.
Her own giant bed looked even more inviting than before and she practically collapsed into it. After tucking herself in, she let out a sigh of pure bliss. It really was a wonderful bed. The sunlight that had begun to shine through the windows didn't bother her – if anything she found it comforting. Even her wings didn't trouble her at all.
Finally at peace, Princess Twilight Sparkle fell into a deep and soothing sleep. She had her entire life ahead of her, and everything was going to be just fine.
