"GRA-A-A-ANNY!" Applejack screamed. "BIG MACINTOSH DUMPED MY CHAMBER POT ALL OVER ME AN' FLIM!"

"Did he now?" the old dam said from her rocking chair.

"Yeah! An' he got it all over my bed an' my rug an'..."

Granny turned her head a little, and they both saw her smirk. "So, Applejack, the two a'yes were in yer bedroom this mornin'? Eh? Issat what yer tellin' me?"

"Um...." She was glad her wet bangs were hanging over her face, hiding most of her blush. As soon as she heard the snicker from beside her, Applejack held up a dripping hoof and snapped "Not a word outta you!"

"Well. Serves ya' right." Granny turned around and went back to pushing the chair back and forth, squeaking both the floorboard and her rusty joints. "Don't think I don't know 'bout the colt y'snuck into yer bedroom when you were sixteen, young'un. At least he had the smarts t'climb out the window."

Ignoring Flim's laughter, Applejack just hung her head and mumbled "But he was a pegasus..."

"Now the both a'yes go an' get washed up! Yer drippin' all over the floor!" When she heard Applejack turn for the stairs, Granny added "Ah-ah! Nope! Y'ain't messin' up my nice clean bathroom with that muck! Out to the river! Git!"

With a sigh, Applejack nodded to Flim and headed for the mudroom. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him grab a bar of soap from the kitchen sink.

"She seems to be taking it well," he remarked as the screen door slammed behind them.

"Better'n Big MacIntosh..."

"Any reaction would be better than his."

They trotted along in silence over the crest of a hill and onto the muddy riverbank. Applejack shuffled her way into the water first. "C'mon in. It ain't as cold as it looks."

"If you say so," he said as he gingerly inched his way in. "I apologize in advance if I start speaking in soprano."

Applejack lowered herself from a standing position to sitting; when her belly submerged in the icy water she felt a sharp jump inside her, and couldn't help but smile a little. She tucked her legs protectively around her midsection, easing down into the sticky riverbed.

She opened her mouth to speak, but it turned into a gasp when she felt hooves on her back. They moved from her shoulder blades to scoop up her ponytail, and then with a surprising gentleness, Flim began tug the band loose.

"What're ya doin'?"

"I'm going to wash your mane."

"Uh... " She hadn't let anypony do that since she was a filly. "O-okay."

He spat the band out onto a rock, and rubbed the thick blonde hair between his hooves. He used his magic to scrub the bar of soap up and down her mane until he'd worked up enough of a lather. The acrid stink of stale urine slowly changed to the fruity smell of soap, and he smirked when he heard a quiet nicker from below him.

Applejack ducked her head under the water and tossed her mane back and forth, shaking the froth loose. When she resurfaced she turned to return the favour, but he was already soaping himself up.

"How long do you think the Warden's going to stay mad?" he asked casually.

"He was mad enough when I got knocked up," Applejack sighed. "Now he's furious."

"Mm-hm. He'll get over it."

"You don't know him like I do! He gets real pig-headed sometimes..."

"What? A stubborn Apple? Really?"

He managed to dodge the spray of water she shot at him.

"Applejack, listen to me," he said, placing a hoof on her shoulder. "He'll forgive you. Me? Probably not. But you have nothing to worry about."

"How can y'be so sure?"

The despondent look on her face tugged at something inside him, and Flim pulled her into a quick hug. "Remember last night when I said I ruined Flam's wedding?"

That had piqued her curiosity. "Uh huh."

"Well, it wasn't my fault. Er..." He bit his lip. "Okay, it was my fault. A bit. But it was the bride's sister who let the cat out of the bag."

"What?"

"During the rehearsal dinner, she got roaring drunk and started making a speech. She started going on about how nice and forgiving Flam was, to the point where everypony was starting to look confused. And, er..."

Applejack raised an eyebrow as she noticed his blush darken. "Then that stupid bitch said 'He's so kind to let his brother be his best man, even after he slept with his fiancee!'"

Her jaw just went slack. "Oh... sweet... Celestia."

He at least had the decency to look shame-faced. "Yes, it... didn't end well."

"What did he do?" she whispered.

Flim chuckled under his breath. "What do you think? He jumped across the table and beat the shit out of me." He'd finished washing the lather out of his coat, and climbed out of the river. After shaking most of the water out of his mane, he went on: "If it weren't for the groomsmen pulling him off of me, I probably would have died. As it was, I was in the hospital for two months. Seven transfusions."

Applejack was still sitting in the river, barely even aware of the water rushing around her. She was flat-out stunned.

"He came to visit me once," he added. "Just long enough to tell me the wedding had been called off and that he never wanted to see me again."

She joined him on the riverbank, but her eyes didn't meet his; they were a little higher. "Does that horn a'yers have much blood in it?"

"Uh...no. Why?"

"Good. Then I won't feel bad about doin' this." And she whacked it as hard as she could.

"OW! Jeez!"

"How couldja do that to yer own brother?!" she hollered as he groaned in pain. "Y'ain't nothin' but a dirty rotten scoundrel!"

"Weren't you listening?" Flim said sharply. "He put me in the hospital! Don't you think I've already paid for what I did?"

"I don't care! There ain't no good reason to do somethin' like that!"

"You're right. There isn't." Still rubbing his horn, he sighed and looked away. "What can I say? I was nineteen. I was young and stupid."

"Yer still stupid."

Ignoring that one, he said "Well, getting to the point of the whole story.... I really believed him. We split ways, and I didn't see him for four years."

"But...?"

"But, well, as Fate would have it, we ran into each other." He folded his legs and laid down on the grass. "We have the same magic, so sometimes when he's using his I can feel it. But only if we're close enough, about a hundred yards. I was in a saloon, and I'd already had a premonition when I saw the bouncer do a double-take when he looked at me. I found him on the dance floor, and before I could think of what it would look like, I ran up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder---"

She frowned, lying down next to him. "'What it would look like'?"

He shook his head, smiling, and put a foreleg around her shoulders. "You really don't dance much, do you? When you tap a dancer on the shoulder, it means you're cutting in. You want to take their partner."

"Oh!" She put a hoof over her mouth. "I guess that would be bad, considerin' you...?"

"You think? I dodged the punch," he said. Applejack noticed he hadn't removed his leg, so after a moment's hesitation, she leaned against him.

"The bouncer had his eye on me---I don't blame him, really---and threw us out before it could get any worse. I managed to talk Flam down---"

"Wait," she said. "He was ready to try an' knock yer lights out again, when he didn't hesitate before, and you jes'... talked him down?"

He waved his free hoof dismissively. "Please. I can talk myself out of any bad situation."

"Any bad situation? Like a bunch'a angry ponies who don't wanna pay fer cider with rocks in it?"

She laughed at his expression. "Or when a big angry stallion with a gun comes knockin'? You talk yerself outta that one, huh?"

"Okay," he said, his ears flattening.

"What about when y'go from a 'full salute' to half-mast---"

"OKAY!"

"I don't think y'talked him down," she went on, turning her smile away. "I think you ran away."

"Of course I did!" he snapped.

"And I think you screamed like a little filly the whole time!"

"Argh!"

This was way too much fun. "So when he was chasin' you all over town, did all the neighbours open their windows and point and laugh?"

"We got thrown in the drunk tank!" he said in exasperation. "Separate cells, thank Celestia. And I did talk him down. By morning."

After a silence, Applejack leaned over and nuzzled him gently. "Glad he could see it in his heart to forgive you."

"Well, it was hard. We still went our separate ways for awhile, but this time we kept in touch." Flim took his foreleg off her back, crossed his ankles, and then rested his chin on them. "It wasn't until our sister had a pretty bad health scare that we saw each other face-to-face again."

"She doin' okay now?"

"As 'okay' as she'll ever get," he said, rolling his eyes. Before Applejack could ask what that meant, he went on: "After that, I guess it just really hit us how important family was, seeing how little of it we actually have. We stuck together from then on, and well, the rest is history."

"I 'spose."

"Besides, look at this." Flim's tail swished against her flank, and she looked back down at his. "What do you suppose our cutie marks mean?"

"That ya work with apples?"

"Besides that. Mine is an apple slice; his is an apple with a slice cut out of it. Think it through, my dear."

"Well, let's see." She tapped her hoof against her chin, pretending to be deep in thought. "Heh! That's kinda kinky, actually! Yer 'little piece' is jes' the right size to slide into his---"

She finally let her laugh loose when she heard him groan. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"I'm jes' givin' ya a hard time," Applejack said, and was relieved to see him smile back. "It means the two a' you are... what, parts 'a the same whole?"

"Yes. Or that we're... I don't know. We need each other to be whole." When he saw the look on her face, he added "Oh for Luna's sake, I didn't mean it that way. You're not a twin; you wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't?" Applejack rubbed her flank up against his. "Y'know how I got my cutie mark? I was guided back home after tryin' to leave who I was behind."

"So?"

"So I feel empty without my family," she said softly. "....Jes' like you."

Again she rested her head against his shoulder, and they sat together in silence, watching as the last curve of the sun pulled off the horizon.

"It must be nice to have a place to call home," Flim said under his breath.

"Huh?"

"This isn't going to work, is it?" he went on, as if she wasn't there. "You're not going to leave your home or your family, and I can't just abandon Flam..."

She brushed her lips against his cheek. "Is he still sore 'bout his ex-fiancee?"

One ear twitched a little. "Yes. Of course he is. But we agreed to let bygones be bygones. He admits she'd have been terrible for him, anyway."

Applejack chuckled. "Oh, so you were doin' him a favour?"

"The marriage was doomed from the beginning. This mare, I... I just don't know what he saw in her."

She nudged his ribs. "Probably the same thing you saw."

Her smiled faded a little when she saw his jaw clench. "She was... look, there are no words to describe her. She was the most aggravating pony I've ever met," he said with a tight smile, "And I've met you."

"So why'd you sleep with her, huh?"

He laughed. "Trust me, Applejack, if you ever met her, you'd want to stuff something in that annoying maw, too. It's the only way to get her to shut up."

"Hey." Applejack's frown dissolved his smile. "I asked ya a question, an' that ain't a real answer."

"...Look," he said finally. "It was a long time ago. Before Flam grew that stupid moustache. It was late at night, after a party, and I was trying to sleep on the couch. She started cuddling up to me... it was dark..."

"She thought you were him?"

"I suppose so, at first."

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "But you knew better."

He held a hoof up as if she'd pointed a gun at him. "Hey, I didn't know it was her!"

"What, she had a twin, too?"

"No!" he said, pressing his lips together. "I told you, it was dark. I felt a mare rubbing up against me, and..."

"And you jes' decided t'have some fun even though y'had no idea who she was?"

"I was nineteen!" he said as he rose. "My hormones were going crazy---"

"That's no excuse!"

"You don't know what it's like being a teenaged colt."

"Oh yeah? Have you ever been in heat?"

She smiled when his face went red. "Well, no, but..."

"But nothin'." Applejack got to her hooves, too, and stretched her neck to the side until she heard a 'pop'. "As soon as y'found out it was her, y'shoulda stopped, hormones or no."

Flim scoffed. "Oh, right, go ahead and judge me, because you've never done something stupid while hormonal. On a completely unrelated note, how's the baby doing?"

The clang of a bell cut off her retort.

"Well," Applejack said acidly, "Breakfast's done. You ready t'face the music?"

"THERE HE IS!"

Spitfire tucked her wings against her sides and rolled out of her flying position, going in for a dive. An instant before colliding with a brick wall, her wings snapped open and caught the wind, propelling her to the side and down the alleyway she'd seen a flash of red-and-white tail disappear into.

"Do yourself a favour and stop running!" she shouted through the air whipping at her face. "I've got---"

Screeching to a halt on the dirty asphalt, Spitfire had to eat her own words---there was neither hide nor hair of him. "What?!"

Soarin' landed at her side a second later. "Well? Where is he?!"

"I..." She looked around her, her frown digging grooves into her face. There were four crooked, empty alleys and at least five doors hanging ajar; the mess of scuffled hoofprints on the ground were too entangled to discern. Groaning in irritation, she leaned against what looked like a long-abandoned caravan. "DAMMIT! I just had him! He was right there!"

"I know... I thought I saw him, too." Soarin' slumped to the ground. "Now what?"

"Looking for somepony, my good Wonderbolts?"

They both snapped their heads around, equally startled that somepony had been eavesdropping.

"Uh, yeah..." Soarin' said slowly, eyeing the odd-looking mare in front of him. "Did you happen to---"

"Would this pony be a rather dashing young stallion with a moustache and a striped vest?"

"Yes!" he said with a wide smile. He didn't notice Spitfire narrowing her eyes a little. "That's exactly who we're looking for! Did you see where he went?"

At that, the mare reared up on her hindlegs and tossed her mane over her shoulder. "Why, the Great and Powerful Trixie has the most exquisite of observational skills! She not only spotted said stallion while the two of you lost him, but she also had the keen presence of mind to notice where he was headed! The Gr---"

"Yes, you have eyes, and you used them," Spitfire said curtly. "We're very impressed. Now could you tell us where he went?"

Frowning, Trixie dropped back to all fours. "And if Trixie does divulge this information? What is in it for her?"

Soarin' bit the inside of his cheeks to keep from groaning. "You want money, too?"

"Trixie simply wishes you make it worth her while."

As soon as he noticed Spitfire's grin, Soarin' relaxed a little. He'd recognize her 'not gonna take shit' face anywhere. "Howsabout we don't ticket you for parking your caravan in a fire lane?"

The arrogant look on her face faltered. "Wh..."

"Or we could ignore the fact that you're trying to impede what's now a formal investigation. Sound good?"

The two mares glared at each other for a few seconds; then Trixie coughed, closed her eyes, and gestured to her left.

"He went down that alley," she said with a little ice in her voice. "When he came to the end of it, he looked both ways, and decided to take the right. If Trixie's memory serves, that route leads down to the docks."

Spitfire's smile returned. "See now? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Before she could answer, Soarin' had grabbed one of her front hooves and begun shaking it enthusiastically. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"Trixie wishes you the best of luck on your search!" she called after them as they flew off. "You may need it."

Watching them leave, Trixie unconsciously fiddled with the clasp holding her robe together. After taking a few breaths, she poked her head into her caravan with a smile.

"They're go-o-one! You can come out now, pookie."

Author's Note

Confession time: part of me really wants to write a Flam/Trixie clop chapter, but I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. Literally every single one of my uncles has a moustache, which makes it a huge turn-off for me.... but STILL.