Poker Night 2
By: KenSES64
You’re sitting in your bedroom trying to pass the time. It’s a saturday night and you’re bored out of your mind when you suddenly hear what sounds like the sound of a faint finger snap. Not soon after, you’re surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke.
Once it clears, you see that you are no longer in the comfort of your own home, but in a strange, yet familiar bar. Then you realize that standing across from you is the result of a massive creature orgy himself, Discord.
“Ah, good to see you again, *insert name here*, it’s been awhile hasn’t it?” Discord greets you. “You’re probably wondering why I brought you here. Well, I’m hosting another poker tournament, and I wanted to invite our grand champion from last time back for another round. Whatdaya say?”
You give Discord a stern look, cross your arms, and tap your foot.
Discord just sighs and says, “Fine, if you win I’ll convert the bits you win from both this time and last time to whatever the currency is where you live, deal?”
You think about this for a second and figure that you really have nothing to lose. You’ll have a decent amount of money after this if you do as well as you did last time. So you nod in agreement.
“Excellent. Now take a seat.” Discord says, moving out of your way to show the poker table, and, like last time, four of the five seats taken up by ponies.
First there was a minty green unicorn with a light blue and white mane, golden eyes, and an image of a golden lyre on her flank.
Then there was a white earth pony, or whatever the more normal looking ones are called, sitting next to the first unicorn. It had an unkempt brown mane, a goatee, and his ass picture was of a freakin taco salad. No, really, it was.
Then you see another unicorn, this one was dark grey, almost black in color, and had a long brown mane, green eyes, and what looked like the anarchy symbol that was also on fire on his flank.
Finally, the last pony was a tan pegasus with maroonish-red eyes, a dark grey mane, some sort of measuring tool imprinted on his rump, though what stood out most about him was that he had on a red necktie and was wearing glasses.
“Here are you opponents this time around. I’ll introduce them in the order in narration did.” Discord says, “*Name Here* meet, Lyra Heartstrings, Disco Dance, Mehrunes Dagon Razor, and Daedalus the thirteenth.
“*Gasp* Another human! First Snowflame, then the Ultimate Warrior, and now you! I have so much I want to ask you!” Lyra exclaimed.
“Don’t bother Miss Heartstrings, our friend here is not much of a conversationalist.” Discord explains.
“What do you mean by that?” Razor asks.
“It means he’s mute you dumbf*ck.” Daedalus says with no emotion in his voice.
“I like pie!” Disco Dance shouts.
“Great, now that you’ve all said something, each of you put in the buy-in of 10000 bits.” Discord said.
“10000?” Razor asks, “Wasn’t it 20000 bits in your last tournament.”
“Yes, but seeing on how Miss Heartstrings and Mr. Dance here are both minor characters in the Snowflame story, and how you and your friend here aren’t even from one of KenSES64’s stories, but from a story currently crossing over with one of his stories, I decided to lower the price to play.” Discord explains.
“Okay… Wait, are you saying we’re not important?”
“In a way, yes. I mean the last tournament had the main characters from Ken’s three most popular stories, and Steam Valve from New Cloudsdale. Anypony remember that trainwreck? No? Didn’t think so.”
“I thought it was pretty go-” Razor began before Discord spoke loudly and cut him off.
“Anyways!!! Let’s begin. The blinds are 100 and 200 bits.”
You: 10000 Bits
Lyra: 10000 Bits
Disco: 10000 Bits
Razor: 10000 Bits
Daedalus: 10000 Bits
You put in 200, Daedalus puts in the 100 for the blinds, and then the first cards are dealt out, with you getting the king of clubs and ten of diamonds.
Lyra folds right away.
“CALL!” Disco dance shouts, placing 200 bits into the pot.
Razor drops 600 bits into the pot and says, “I’ll raise.”
“I’ll call that.” Daedalus says, also putting in 600 bits.
You also call.
“Ring Ring, I’m Calling!” Disco Dance shouts.
That’s when the first three cards are revealed, which are the three of diamonds, four of clubs and jack of spades.
Daedalus taps his hoof to check, you check as well.
“Bet! Bet! Bet!” Disco Dance shouts throwing in 500 more bits.
“Yeah, I’ll fold.” Razor says.
“And I’ll call.” Daedalus says.
You decide to risk it and call as well.
The fourth card is shown to be a five of spades.
Daedalus taps to check.
You decide to fold, only to realize you could have still checked. Disco Dance then checks.
The last card is shown to be a six of diamonds.
“Once again, I check.” Daedalus says.
“Betting!” Disco shouts while adding another 500 bits.
“I’ll call your bet.” Daedalus says, sliding in more bits.
The two of them reveal their cards. Daedalus having the nine and ten of hearts, and Disco Dance having the six of hearts and the three of clubs.
“Daedalus has jack high, while Disco has two pair. Disco Dance wins the hand.” Discord says.
Oh hoo! Money! Money! Money! Money!” Disco Dance exclaims jumping onto the table to grab his winnings.
You: 8700 Bits
Lyra: 10000 Bits
Disco: 13900 Bits
Razor: 9200 Bits
Daedalus: 8200 Bits
“So Miss Heartstrings.” Razor beings to say, “You doing anything after this?” He says as he leans in close and winks at her.
Lyra just rolls her eyes and says, “Thanks for the offer, but one, I’m already in a relationship, and two, with another mare. Sure Bonny and I are having a bit of a rough patch right now, but I wouldn’t cheat on her.”
“Crap!” Razor swears under his breath. “Oh, um... nevermind then.”
You pay 100 bits, and Lyra pays 200 for the blinds.
The cards are given out and you get the three of hearts and king of spades.
Disco Dance, Razor and Daedalus all call without saying anything, as do you.
The first three card shown are the four and six of diamonds and the seven of hearts.
You tap your fingers on the table to check.
“I’ll check that.” Lyra says.
“Checking!” Disco Dance shouts.
“Well since you all seem so confident, I’ll bet.” Razor says putting in 600 bits.
Daedelus just gives a quick look at Razor and places in 600 bits as well without changing his facial expression. The one that might as well have said “I don’t give a fuck.”
You call, hoping that a five will pop up.
“I don’t think so.” Lyra says folding, seeing how quick she did that, you think that if she keeps folding it might get annoying.
“Raise this bet! Raise this bet! One! Two! Three! Four!” Disco sings, raising it by 600 bits.
Razor gets an insane looking smile on his face while his horn glows with a green aura, all his bits slide into the pot while he says, “Let’s go all in.”
Daedalus once again looks at Razor without saying anything and also goes all in as well.
Since they’ve both gone all in, you’re not feeling too confident anymore, so you fold.
“Ha! Loser.” Razor exclaims.
“I wanna keep my moneys!” Disco says, folding. Making 1000 of Razors bits go back to him.
The two stallions flip their cards, Razor has the five and six of hearts, while Daedalus has the nine and queen of diamonds.
The fourth card is revealed to be the nine of spades.
“Son of a bitch!” Razor shouts.
The last card is then show to be the jack of spades.
“Daedalus has a pair of nines, and Razor has a pair of sixes. Daedalus wins the hand.” Discord says.
“Really, who didn’t see that coming.” Daedalus says, grabbing his bits.
“Oh f*ck you.” Razor says to him, and Daedalus just smirks.
You: 7900 Bits
Lyra: 9800 Bits
Disco: 12500 Bits
Razor: 1000 Bits
Daedalus: 18800 Bits
Lyra puts in 100 bits and Disco Dance puts in 200 for the blinds. You get a four of spades and three of hearts for your cards.
Razor looks at his small pile of bits with a grimace on his face and says, “I’ll fold.”
“I’ll call.” Daedalus says.
You, not liking your cards, fold.
“I guess I’m in.” Lyra says with a giggle.
“Free cards!” Disco Dance shouts.
The first three cards are the ten of spades, and the jack of diamonds and clubs. You’re glad you folded.
“I’ll check now.” Lyra says.
“Well I bet!” Disco shouts in Lyra’s face, adding 900 bits.
“I’m going to raise.” Daedalus says, adding a total of 2100 bits.
“Okay I fold.” Lyra says.
“Fold-A-Fold! Fold! Fold!” Disco says.
“Daedalus takes the hand.” Discord says.
“I’m fine with that.” The pegasus says.
You: 7900 Bits
Lyra: 9600 Bits
Disco: 11400 Bits
Razor: 1000 Bits
Daedalus: 20100 Bits
“I just realized something.” Daedalus says.
“What, that you’re an asshole?” Razor asks.
“No, I already knew that, but shouldn’t you be in that other dimension for that whole ‘Dimensional Battle Royale’ thing?”
“Yeah, what’s going on with that?” Lyra adds.
“Well first Razor, not me, the author who created me, got really depressed and disappeared to Europe for about three weeks, and then Ken said he wanted to write other things like the story we’re all in now. So they should be getting to it sooner or later. Though really, they should get the next chapter out as soon as Ken writes the first half of it. Sure, there’s no way in tartarus they’ll get it done by the time season four airs, but that’ll give Ken time to see how he can add the ‘Dromis story’ arch into the mix. As far as how I know all of this, well quite honestly I have no idea.” Razor then turns around and looks at a familiar black unicorn with a purple mane, who was now in the bar. “Hey, Seth, did I read that right?”
“Yup, thanks man.” Seth says.
“You two to seem to be getting along nicely considering last time we saw you, you were trying to kill each other.” Lyra says.
“And last time we saw you, you got choked out. Your point?” Razor asks.
“Ah, aren’t non-canon stories like this great, and now to get rid of Seth’s pointless cameo, let’s have another pointless cameo.” Discord says, and with a snap of his figures the white haired human from your last tournament, the supervillain known as Snowflame appears out of thin air and kicks Seth in the face with enough force to send him blasting through one of the bar’s walls.
Snowflame then runs after Seth, shouting, “Get back here generic looking OC!”
Discord then repairs the wall with a snap of his fingers and says, “I’m sure they’ll be fine, now back to the game.”
Disco Dance pays 100 and Razor pays 200 for the blinds, and your cards are the six of clubs and queen of diamonds.
“Calling.” Daedalus says.
You call as well.
“I think I’ll raise.” Lyra says raising it by 300 bits.
“Call!” Disco Dance says.
Razor, after a moment of contemplating, pushes his bits in and exclaims, “F*ck it! I’m all in!”
“You know what, I’m just going to sit back and see if you can actually pull this off.” Daedalus says, folding.
You and Lyra both call while Disco Dance folds.
You finally see the first three cards, which are the seven and two of diamonds and the eight of spades.
You then tap to check.
“I’m going to bet now.” Lyra says, putting in 1200 bits.
You then fold since you don’t have anything at the moment. Which makes the 1200 that Lyra just bet go back to her, seeing that it was a one pony side pot.
Lyra and Razor flip their cards, Lyra has the nines of spades and diamonds, and Razor has the tens of hearts and diamonds. The fourth card is shown to be the three of hearts, and the final card is revealed to be the ace of hearts.
“Lyra has a pair of nines, Razor has a pair of tens, Razor wins the hand.” Discord says.
“BOOYA MOTHAF*CKAS!!! That’s how we do it!” Razor screams while grabbing his bits.
You: 6900 Bits
Lyra: 8600 Bits
Disco: 10900 Bits
Razor: 3700 Bits
Daedalus: 19900 Bits
Razor adds 100 bits and Daedalus adds 200 bits for the blinds. You’re given the eight and five of spades.
You call, putting in 200 bits.
“Nopony expects the Lyrish Inquisition!” Lyra shouts raising by 2000 bits.
` “I got nothin’!” Disco Dance shouts, folding.
“You know what, I think I’m gonna call.” Razor says.
Daedelus just folds without saying anything, which you do as well.
The first three cards are revealed to be the 2 of clubs, and the nine and ten of spades.
‘Damnit!’ You think to yourself.
Razor and Lyra both check, and the fourth card is the four of spades.
“I’ll check.” Razor says.
“All in!” Lyra shouts while adding the rest of her bits.
“I’m out.” Razor says, folding.
“Lyra wins the hand.” Discord says.
“Am I really that scary?” She asks tauntingly.
You: 6700 Bits
Lyra: 11200 Bits
Disco: 10900 Bits
Razor: 1500 Bits
Daedalus: 19700 Bits
“The Blinds are now 200 and 400.” Discord says. You put in 400 bits and Daedalus puts in 200.
You get the aces of clubs and hearts.
“I guess I’ll call.” Lyra says.
“Time to fold!” Disco Dance says.
“I’m going all in.” Razor says.
“And I’m going to raise.” Daedalus says raising by 1700 bits.
You, happy with your two aces, go all in as well. As you do, you see the shocked faces on all of your opponents, except Daedalus, who still looks like he couldn’t give less of a f*ck.
“Nope.” Lyra says folding.
“Yeah, I’m not stupid.” Daedalus says folding as well.
You both flip your cards, Razor has the 10 of spades and the five of hearts.
The first three cards are shown to be the five and king of clubs, and three of diamonds.
“Come on, ten and/or five.” Razor says to himself.
The fourth card is the seven of spades, and the last card is shown to be the eight of hearts.
“SON OF A BITCH!!!” Razor shouts.
“*Insert Name Here* has a pair of aces, Razor has a pair of fives. *Insert Name Here* wins the hand and Razor has been eliminated from play.”
“Celestia f*cking damnit!” Razor shouts as fire starts forming around his horn and he gets a looking in his eyes like he plans to make you look like two face, which scares the crap out of you. “I’ll burn you! I’ll burn your skin right off y-” thankfully, before he does anything, Daedalus grabs Razor by his shoulder and gives him a look that basically says, “If you do anything, I will kick your ass.” At that, Razor just takes a deep breath and says, “Whatever,” before walking off.
You: 11800 Bits
Lyra:10800 Bits
Disco: 10900 Bits
Daedalus: 16500 Bits
With that out of the way, you place 200 bits and Lyra places 400 bits in the pot.
Disco, Daedalus, and you all call while Lyra checks. The first three cards end up being the five of spades, and the queens of hearts and diamonds.
You check.
“Oh looky look a check! Check check check!” Disco Dance shouts.
“Umm… Not to sound rude, but why is he even here?” Lyra asks, pointing at Disco.
“The same reason you are, Miss Heartstrings, because Ken put up a blog post for people to vote on this tournament’s participants, and only one person voted.” Discord explains.
“Oh, I see. Well, I’ll bet.” Lyra puts in 1000 bits.
“Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllddddddddd!” Disco Dance says.
“1000 bits isn’t that bad. I have plenty to spare.” Daedalus says.
After some thought, you decide to call.
The next card it shown to be the four of hearts.
Seeing that you now have two pair, you raise by 2500.
“I’m going to fold now.” Lyra says.
“Hmm… Interesting.” Daedalus says, calling.
The last card is shown to be the two of diamonds.
You both check, then reveal your cards. Daedalus has the five and three of hearts.
“You both have two pair, Daedalus wins the hand.” Discord says.
“You looked shocked. You should try to hide that.” Daedalus says.
You: 7900 Bits
Lyra: 9400 Bits
Disco: 10500 Bits
Daedalus: 22200 Bits
Lyra adds 200 bits, Disco Dance adds 400 for the blinds. You get the ace and four of diamonds. By the time you finish looking at your cards, you see that Daedalus has called. You and Lyra call as well.
“Raise!” Disco shouts, raising by 1400 bits.
“Time to fold.” Daedalus say, doing as such.
Since you don’t know how good your chances are at the moment, you call.
“Well if the human is calling, I guess I will too.” Lyra says.
The first three card are shown to be the ace of spades, and the six and two of clubs. You’re glad that once again you have a pair of aces.
“I’ll check.” Lyra says tapping her hoof.
“I’ll put all of my cheerios in!” Disco Dance says, going all in, then begins to exclaim, “Call it! Fold! Call it! Fold!”
You, not wanting to risk losing, fold, as does Lyra.
“Disco Dance wins the hand.” Discord says.
“YAAAAY!” Disco Dance exclaims.
You: 6100 Bits
Lyra: 7600 Bits
Disco: 14500 Bits
Daedalus: 21800 Bits
Disco and Daedalus pay the blinds, and you get the five and seven of spades as your cards.
You decide to fold.
“What you’re folding, but now I can’t make you bet more money by making a cute face.” Lyra says, “Eh, I fold too.”
“Well, I’m gonna call!” Disco Dance shouts.
“Ok, I check.” Daedalus says, the first three cards are the four of diamonds, and the twos of spades and hearts.
“Check check check it out!” Disco says.
“I’ll check as well, mentlegen.” Daedalus says.
The fourth card is the five of hearts.
“ALL IN! ALL IN! ALL IN!” Disco Dance shouts on the top of his lungs.
“I will do the same.” Daedalus responds, but 7300 bits goes back to him anyways.
They show their cards, Disco Dance has the nine and ten of clubs, and Daedalus had the two and eight of diamonds. He even gave a smirk, knowing that he already won this showdown. The final card ended up being the seven of clubs.
“Daedalus has three of a kind, Disco Dance has a pair of twos, Daedalus wins the hand, and sorry Mr. Dance, but you have been eliminated.”
“No, my Barbie Doll!” Disco Dance yells before running off. Only for a white unicorn with a red mane and a limbo stick on his ass to teleport right in front of him. “Zant!”
“Don’t worry, Joey.” The unicorn says, “We’ll get some pizza to make it better. Would you like that?”
“Yes!”
“Good, now let’s get back to Lord Blueblood. Come along Fluffy.” There is silence for a few seconds, “No, you can’t get a drink. You’re not aloud to have alcohol remember?” More silence, “I am not a tuna head! That’s it Fluffy no dessert for you tonight. No ifs, no buts, and no coconuts, which is bad for you because we were having coconut ice cream for dessert. You missed out mister.” And then with a flash of light, the two ponies were gone.
You just sit there bewildered by what you just saw.
You: 6100 Bits
Lyra: 7600 Bits
Daedalus: 36300 Bits
You and Lyra pay the blinds, and you get the eight of spades and jack of diamonds.
Daedalus raises by 2300.
“So, Daedalus, what do you do for fun?” Lyra asks.
“Not much, well I’m working on a stronger anti-magic field generator, one that with any luck will even work against alicorns. Other than that, building a few personal models and sketches for my own incidental amusement.” Daedalus responds.
“Anti…. Magic…. Field…. Generator…. I’m guessing that does exactly what it sounds like.”
“Indeed.”
“Huh, that seems like something Twilight would be into. Do you know a Twilight in your universe? I’m sure she’ll be interested in that thing, she may even be single.”
“DON’T YOU F*CKING DARE!” Razor shouts over from the bar.
Daedalus rolls his eyes and says, “Miss Sparkle isn’t my type.”
You basically say, ‘fuck it,’ but not really since you can’t talk, and call, as does Lyra.
The first three card are the king of hearts and the twos and ten of spades.
You and Lyra both check, but Daedalus bets 2400 more bits.
You fold right away.
“Well, I can’t copy you all the time.” Lyra says, calling.
The fourth card is the six of diamonds.
“All in!” Lyra says, putting in the rest of her bits.
“I fold.” Daedalus says to your surprise.
“Lyra wins the hand.” Discord says.
“If only I could win real hands.” Lyra says, sounding kinda sad.
You: 3400 Bits
Lyra: 15400 Bits
Daedalus: 31200 Bits
“You know what, the blinds are now 300 and 600.” Discord says.
Lyra pays 300 bits and Daedalus pays 600.
You get the ace and six of hearts, and you raise by 1000 bits.
“That’s not a real bet.” Lyra says, raising by 4300 bits.
Daedalus folds.
You see how little you have left and go all in. Some money goes back to Lyra.
Lyra flips her cards to show the kings of spades and hearts.
The first three cards end up being the queen of diamonds and the ace and six of spades, this cheers you up now that you have two pair. Then the queen of hearts is revealed as the fourth card, and finally the two of spades.
“*Insert Name Here* and Lyra both have two pair, but *Insert Name Here* wins with the higher pairs.” Discord says before you grab your bits.
You: 7400 Bits
Lyra: 12000 Bits
Daedalus: 30600 Bits
You and Daedalus pay the blinds, and you get the eight of hearts and nine of spades.
Lyra folds right away.
“Call.” Daedalus simple says.
You check, the next three cards being, the nine of clubs, seven of diamonds, and ace of spades.
You and Daedalus both check, the next card being the king of hearts.
You both check again, and get the king of diamonds.
Daedalus checks for a third time in a row, but you bet 2000 bits, which he calls.
You flip your cards to reveal that Daedalus had the six of diamonds and spades.
“You both have two pair, but *Insert Name Here* wins with the higher pairs.” Discord says.
You: 10000 Bits
Lyra: 12000 Bits
Daedalus: 28000 Bits
You and Lyra pay the blinds. You get the jack of hearts and the nine of clubs.
“I’m going to raise.” Daedalus says, raising by of 2100 bits.
Both you and Lyra fold, making Daedalus steal the blinds.
You: 9700 Bits
Lyra: 11400 Bits
Daedalus: 28900 Bits
Lyra and Daedalus pay the blinds as you get the four and jack of spades, and you call.
Lyra raises by 3800 bits.
“I call.” Daedalus says.
You fold, and the first three cards end up being the queen of spades, five of clubs, and nine of hearts.
Lyra checks, while Daedalus bets 2400 more bits.
“Just take the pot.” Lyra says folding.
“Daedalus wins the hand.” Discord said.
“Yes we know that.” Daedalus says in a monotone voice.
“Well saying who wins each round is one of the few things I actually do in this story, so put a sock in it.” Discord says and with a snap of his fingers a nasty, green, smelly sweat soaked sock appears in Daedalus’s mouth, which he immediately spits it out, gagging a little.
You: 9100 Bits
Lyra: 7000 Bits
Daedalus: 33900 Bits
You and Daedalus pay the blinds, you get the eight of hearts and the nine of clubs.
Lyra and Daedalus both call, you check the cards. They are the six and eight of diamonds in addition to the queen of spades.
You and Daedalus both check, but Lyra bets 600 bits.
“I will raise then.” Daedalus says, raising by 3600 bits.
You and Lyra both call. The fourth card is shown to be the nine of spades. You see that you have two pair and you plan on going all in.
Daedalus drops his poker face and gets an almost evil grin, “All in.”
Thinking that you have a really good chance of winning, you go all in as well.
“I’m all in too.” Lyra says, making 24800 bits go back to Daedalus.
You all flip. Lyra has the ten and nine of diamonds while Daedalus has eight of clubs and queen of diamonds. The last card is the four of hearts.
“Daedalus has two pair, *Insert Name Here* has two pair, Lyra has a pair of nines, Daedalus wins with the higher pair. Lyra and *Insert Name Here* have both been eliminated, which means that Daedalus wins the tournament.
“Don’t be upset.” Daedalus says, “I just know how to actually play this game, and look on the bright side, you didn’t completely humiliate yourself like my friend over there.” He then points over to Razor.
You just stare at him, wondering if he was trying to make you feel better or not.
“Well you didn’t win.” Discord says, “So I won’t make your past winning worth anything to you, but hey who knows, there might be a next time.”
“It was nice to meet you *Insert Name Here*.” Lyra says with a smile, though you could tell that she was worried about something, most likely that girlfriend (or was it marefriend) she mentioned being mad at her or something. You kinda want to give her your bits from the first game, but you don’t have them on you, and you can’t exactly tell Discord to bring them here.
Well, you could, but you’re not exactly sure what he’d do.
So Discord snaps his fingers and with the same cloud of smoke as before, you appear back in you bedroom.
‘Well at least that killed some time,’ you think to yourself, but when you look at the clock, it seems that no time has passed since you were gone. ‘Oh come on!’
