The Stories That Never Were
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Pie

The Stories That Never Were

Once upon a time, there were two dragons. One was white, the other black, and they both united in perfect harmony. One was Yin, the other Yang, and they were brothers.

HOLD ON A MINUTE!!

Ugh.

This story isn't about ponies! It doesn't belong on here!

Well, yes, but I was just trying out an idea to warm me up for a real story.

...Are you lying to me?

No!

ARE YOU LYING TO ME?!

No, Pinkie Pie, I swear! I wasn't even going to do anything with that idea!

...Prove it. Write something pony.

...Okay.

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. One was Princess Llama Sun, who raised the sun, which was in the shape of a llama. The other was Princess Llama Moon, who raised the moon, which was also in the shape of a llama...

Wait a minute. There's something wrong with that.

YA THINK?? That sounds like you're mocking the princesses! That's not right!

Yes, Pinkie, I know. It was a mistake. I won't do it again.

...All right. Write something else.

This is my life...sitting here in front of the computer with Pinkie Pie beside me.

Hi everypony!! How are you today?

And I don't know what to do, for whatever I write...she must contradict somehow.

I heard that! Now stop complaining and start WRITING! Something about one of those ponies that doesn't get much attention.

Um...okay.

Once there was a mare named Daisy. She, um, she...fainted a lot. She was one of the Flower Poni -

ARE YOU SERIOUS?! The only thing you can think about her was that she fainted a lot?? I am disappoint!

Sorry, Pinkie! I just...that's just...all I can think of.

Sigh...

Come on - what do you want me to write? Just tell me.

Hmm...something about the sun.

Oh, please! That'll be worse than the Daisy thing!

So you're saying you won't write about the sun?

No, Pinkie, I'm sorry. I don't want to insult Princess Celestia.

Oh...well...I guess, then...I'll just...wander off...since you won't write what I want you to...

...OH ALL RIGHT! I'll write about the sun!

YAY!!

The sun rose above Ponyville. Its rays lit up the sleeping city, and they served as wake-up calls to the ponies who lived there. The sun's brightness chased away nightmares and -

STOP!!!

Unfortunately, I had chosen the instant before Pinkie screamed to take a sip of water. Now, I spit it out all over the desk, luckily not getting my computer soaked as my head jerks around.

Whoa, Pinkie! What??

LOOK OVER THERE!!

*looks* Pinkie, I don't see any - *turns back to computer* What the?!

How did you get that there?? Get it off!

Only if you'll promise to write a story about Canterlot!

Huh? Oh...um...okay.

Once upon a time there was a fancy Equestrian city on the side of a mountain. It was called -

Eh, let us not go to Canterlot. It is a silly place.

I try not to smile, eventually stifling my inner "punster"'s glee.

Ugh, Pinkie! Stop being silly! I have a story to write!

Wait, you're going to actually write a story? On your own?!

Yes! I'm not mentally inept! In fact, I consider myself quite the wordsmith sometimes.

"Wordsmith"? Did you just make that up?

Not just now - I thought of it about a week ago.

Hmm...so, you're a wordsmith, are you?

Yes. I am.

Then write a poem. About me.

Oh, okay! Um, let's see...

Once there was a pony, and her name was Pinkie Pie.
She was a bright and happy pony, and she wasn't shy.
Throwing ponies parties was the one big thing she dreamed,
And nothing ever made her down or sad - or so it seemed.

Is this going to be sad?

No, Pinkie - actually, I was going to stop right there.

Yes, because it was going to be sad and you were going to make me cry and IT'S SO SAAAAD!!

But Pinkie, there was nothing really sad in that poem!

Yes there was! I could imagine myself sad and it was so sad that it made me sad!

Oh...come here, Pinkie.

I hug her tight. Eventually, she rolls out from under my embrace and her hair poofs up again.

Thanks! You made me feel better!

You're welcome, Pinkie. Now, what do you want me to write next?

This time, I find I am no longer peeved that Pinkie Pie is basically ordering me to write things. I almost feel excited - oh, what the hay. I DO feel excited for what assignment will come next.

Hey! I have an idea! Write about the most boring thing you can possibly think of!

Er...all right.

It sat there, doing nothing. It sat on the simple wooden table, and just existed. It didn't even have a soul or lungs to make it breathe the air that was completely still around it. It was just...there. No one could do anything with it. It couldn't be eaten. One couldn't play with it (unless one were an extremely bored kid on the verge of going over the deep end, and who hadn't been taught not to play with very heavy things).

It was a fake brick.

That IS the most boring thing! Haha, you're funny!

(Wait, what was funny about that?)

Absolutely nothing! That's what makes it so funny! Hee hee hee!

Whoa, Pinkie. You read my thoughts!

Of course I did. I'm a psychic.

Um...okay. You better not keep up that face, or the bronies will start thinking weird things.

Oh, you're right.

Is this better?

Much better. Now, what do you want me to write next?

Anything you want!

Surprised by this new development, I gaze down at Pinkie. She smiles at the look on my face.

The game can change at any moment, can't it?

Yes, it can.

Now let's get writing!

She hops into my lap, and I smile and reach around her head to type. She doesn't mind my movements, and I don't mind the softness of her mane brushing against my arms.

Once upon a time, there was a pony named Pinkie Pie. She sat on an aspiring writer's lap as the writer sat in a chair, typing busily on a computer...