The Party Breaker

Chapters

Emerging Feelings
Despair
Torture
Mentality

Emerging Feelings

"Oh hey there Pinkie" Twilight leaned herself forward with a smile "What brings you here?"

Twilight's question fell upon deaf ears, Pinkie not even noticing her friend talking to her while she playfully looked around at the vast bookshelves of the library. Twilight looked at the pink earth pony slightly agitated.

"Pinkie?" She repeated herself.

Pinkie's head abruptly spun around, locking eye contact with the pony standing by her book pedestal. The pink mare's face remained blank for a few seconds but before anypony could blink her face exploded into a bright an bubbly smile.

"Hey Twilight!" She greeted with high enthusiasm.

Pinkie smiled awkwardly at her lavender coated friend, who simply attempted to return the gesture. Her face twisted and contorted into what looked like an unsure smile. Twilight's sheepish grin soon wore off as she turned her head away in slight discomfort. She attempted to continue her reading, however the bright blue eyes glaring at her seemed to pierce through the book and straight into Twilight's concentration. The thought became increasingly uncomfortable.

"Umm...Pinkie?" Twilight stuttered with uncertainty.

"Yes, Twilight?" Pinkie abruptly answered dashing forward.

Twilight's body jerked back in shock of the pink pony's sudden movements. Her mind fumbled with her next sentence, trying not to choke.

"Uh...Did you need something?" She managed to force out.

Pinkie's head spun away taking a few steps out back into the open space of the library. She looked around at the various books that lined the shelves, all different colors. Each book had it's own story, she could pick one out at random and find something totally interesting. On the other hand she could just as easily pick something that would lead to boredom and regret. It was always a hit or miss, like many other choices she'd made throughout her life. The opportunity to take the chance was there, but she didn't dare take her luck for a spin this time around.

"Well" Pinkie aimed her voice into the empty air of the room "I...was wondering if you had anything in the big old library about talking to that special somepony"

Pinkie's voice toned itself down, surprisingly serious and natural. Twilight could tell she'd had something on her mind, it was probably the reason why she was so persistent in getting her to stop reading giving Pinkie her attention.

"Well...I'm not exactly sure Pinkie, why? Did you find somepony that catches your eye?" Twilight tried not to tease, but she never was good and the social game.

Pinkie didn't turn her head back to respond, instead she took a few more steps towards the bookshelves in front of her.

"Yes, actually" Pinkie's voice was stern and calm, something she wasn't at all used to.

Twilight snickered a little, bringing a hoof to her muzzle in an attempt to hide the laugh.

"Oh? Who is it? If you don't mind me asking that is"

Pinkie turned around, facing her unicorn friend lazing around on the couch with her book. The pink pony's face was dead straight, not a tweak of emotion could be seen at all.

"Fluttershy"

When Pinkie had first met Fluttershy wandering around Ponyville, she had taken her usual routine to make them become friends. She'd greeted her with a smile and even sung her a little song. It didn't take long for the pink mare to realize that Fluttershy was not the one for open conversation. Pinkie, soon decided that Fluttershy was one of those special cases, somepony who didn't like the noise of a real party too often. One of those ponies that preferred peace and quiet over loud and rowdy. That's not to say Fluttershy didn't enjoy a good Pinkie party once in a while. Even the quiet one's need a good chance to let loose and enjoy their wild side.

Once Pinkie had discovered Fluttershy's introvert tendencies, she quickly adapted and before long, knew exactly how to please her new pegasus friend. With the arrival of Twilight, the friendship between the six ponies solidified into something fierce, not a force to be trifled with. Pinkie was't exactly sure about her feelings towards Fluttershy however. It confused her, at first she thought she just liked the shy pony a little bit more than her other friends. Pinkie worried about herself, she didn't like picking favorites, especially when it came to friends. It felt wrong. She wanted to like her friends equally, not put them on ranking pedestals. Her mind was set with that mentality for a long while, that is until she started to take notice of how attractive she was.

Her mind became a labyrinth or thoughts, why did she keep admiring her looks as well? She questioned herself thoroughly, day after day, night after night. She wanted to spend more and more time with her, and they did. Pinkie would commonly visit the cottage just outside of town just to see the timid pegasus. They'd talk about their days, sometimes Pinkie would give her some treats from the bakery. The two spent countless hours, talking, playing, spending a lot of their time together. The closeness between the two baffled the others. One one hand, there was Pinkie, the overly energetic party mare, capable of defying what anypony would call normal. On the opposite hand, there was exactly that. Fluttershy, the quiet, well mannered, animal caring mare. Of the two ponies to get so well acquainted, it was these two. None of them questioned it however, they were just pleased that two ponies with such differences were able to hit off so well.

Eventually the feelings became too much for Pinkie to handle on her own. She began to talk about Fluttershy to Dash, who also happened to be one of her oldest friends. Dash was soon aware of Pinkie inclination, although it had never been made clear. Dash knew, she didn't have to be told. She acted as a release for Pinkie for quite some time. Pinkie would blab for hours about the shy pony that Rainbow knew all too well already. Soon Pinkie found herself desperate to ask her close friend how she felt about the two of them.

Not too long ago, Fluttershy began to talk about another pony, a stallion in particular. Pinkie couldn't help but feel jealously slide into her mind. She'd try her best to shrug it off, worrying of slipping out something she shouldn't. Big Macintosh, Applejack's older brother seemed to catch Fluttershy's attention, in more ways than one. She'd talk about how she'd see him out in the orchids, bucking the trees, as she flew over Sweet Apple Acres. How she'd have a casual conversation wtih him every so often. Pinkie did an excellent job on hiding her irrefutable envy of the bulky red stallion. She figured it was time to make a move, before it was too late.

"I see" Twilight tried to hide her excited giggle

Pinkie gave Twilight a strange glance "What's wrong with you Twilight?"

Twilight snickered "Nothing!"

Pinkie narrowed her eyes, giving Twilight a suspicious look.

"If you say so"

Neither of them spoke for a moment, catching up with the conversation.

"So you want to tell Fluttershy how you feel?"

Pinkie nodded with agreement "Yup"

"So who's stopping you?" Twilight asked

"Nopony really...except me" Pinkie frowned, sheepishly digging at the ground "It's just..."

Pinkie took a few moments to find the right words for what she wanted to say.

"I'm not sure, I just can't say it, I get all nervous and stuff"

Twilight's eyes widened with shock. Pinkie, nervous? Was confessing really so serious that even the loudest and most outgoing pony in all of Ponyville if not Equestria, trembled at the thought was telling Fluttershy how she felt? Twilight shuddered at the mere thought of having to make a decision like that in the future.

"I'm sorry Pinkie, I can't help you" Twilight shook her head in shame "Just try it. Just say the words, I'm positive she won't change her opinion of you if you do"

"I suppose..." Pinkie shied away heading for the library door.

"Just let her know how you feel Pinkie, she won't hate you for it, this is Fluttershy we're talking about"

"I know, I know" Pinkie waved her hoof in the air sarcastically "I guess I don't really have a choice then huh?"

Twilight shrugged.

"Well, I suppose..." Pinkie smiled as the words left her mouth "I should just let her know"

She turned back to Twilight flashing a bright smile before busting out through the library door.

"Thanks Twilight!" She called, almost out of ear shot.

Twilight shook her head with a silly grin, looking back to her book on astronomy.

Pinkie bounced through town, humming a rather familiar tune. The ponies all around town threw a series of 'hello's and 'hi's at the cheerful pink mare. It was rare to come across anypony that didn't know Pinkie and if they didn't know her, chances are they were new in town and were in for the greeting of a life time. Pinkie passed through the market wards in Ponyville, feeling herself drawn to her workplace. Sugarcube Corner was home, a home that also happened to contain her job and her favorite shop.

Pinkie approached the sweet smelling store with greedy eyes. She stepped in through the front door, greeted by that well known wall of sweet scented, warm air. The aromas filled Pinkie's nostrils, her face devolving into a mess of hunger and watering lips.

"Mmm" She murmured

Taking a few moments to regain herself, she stepped towards the counter to ring the brass bell resting beside a stack of various sweets. Mrs Cake appeared from behind the kitchen doors before Pinkie had a chance to ring.

"Oh, hello there Pinkie Pie" Mrs Cake smiled slowly trotting over to the counter "Was there anything you needed?"

"Yes! Um, could I pretty please have one of those peach slices, you know, the ones Fluttershy likes?" Pinkie pointed her hoof at the orange looking slice of cake through the glass of the counter, her face grinning foolishly.

"Sure!" Mrs Cake happily responded.

She reached down, opening the sliding door to pull the slice out from the display. She carefully placed it into a small box, dropping it on the surface in front of Pinkie with caution.

"No need to pay for this one dearie, I know what it's for" Mrs Cake gave Pinkie a quick wink and a giggle.

Pinkie's face blushed ever so slightly as she reached her head forward to gasp the ribbon tied around the box in her mouth.

"Okay then, thanks a lot Mrs Cake!" Pinkie called rushing out of the bakery in a hurry.

Pinkie hopped through town once again, en route to Fluttershy's cottage, until she noticed something familiar out of the corner of her eye. Her hopping came to quick stop as she turned her head to look at a blue pegasus lounging on a cloud.

"Rainbow!" She called through her clenched teeth looking up at a cloud nearby.

The cyan pegasus twisted her head back at the ground.

"Pinkie!" Rainbow called back as she rolled herself over, looking down at her pink coated friend "What's up?"

"I was just on my way to Fluttershy's place" Pinkie smiled "I got her a slice of her favorite cake too!"

"Ohhh...I see where you're going" Rainbow snickered "You're gonna let her know this time?" Rainbows eyes narrowed, as if to taunt Pinkie with her comment "It's getting to be a huge pain not to tell her myself you know"

Pinkie's head bobbed up and down furiously.

"Awesome! Want me to tag along?"

Pinkie raised a hoof to her chin for a moment. She shook her head.

"Nah, I think I can handle this one on my own, but thanks anyways Dashie!"

"If you say so, I'll catch you later then...after you tell her"

Pinkie nodded again, waving her hoof before continuing her trip to the cottage.

The sun had begun to set low in the sky as Pinkie bounded her way through the dirt paths just outside of town. The noises out here were different from the noises she heard in town. There were animals that she couldn't even recognize half the time and strange plants the looked different from the ones seen in Ponyville. It was like stepping into some kind of portal, into an unknown, yet calming land. The tranquility was perfect, Pinkie thought to herself cheerfully.

She began to make out the faint figure of Fluttershy's cottage in the distance, dancing just over the horizon of the orange blur. She felt her heart begin to race, her bouncing became shaky, soon forcing her to slow to a trot. She felt her face warm up with the cottage getting larger and larger.

"You got this Pinkie, Fluttershy's your friend. She won't hate you if she doesn't feel the same way" Pinkie pepped herself up

"Hello Pinkie"

Pinkie jumped right out of her skin for a moment, fumbling with the box of cake. She panted for a second, gently placing the box down on the ground before she ruined the gift inside. She turned her head to the yellow pegasus hovering just above her.

"Yeesh, Fluttershy, you surprised the candy outta me"

"Oh my, I'm sorry Pinkie, I didn't mean to startle you"

Pinkie snickered "It's fine"

"I just saw you coming and, well, I thought I'd come meet you instead of waiting for you to come to me" Fluttershy said lowering herself to the ground with a pat "Is that ok?"

Pinkie snickered once again with sarcasm "Of course it's ok silly" Pinkie leaned down and picked up the box at her hooves and slowly trotted over to Fluttershy.

"Do you mind if we go to our place? There was something I wanted to tell you" Pinkie asked her mouth grasping on the ribbon of the box.

"Sure"

The two ponies continued down the dirt part through the woods towards a small hill just beside Fluttershy's cottage. The pair would often spend all their time together on that hill, simply talking and enjoying one another's company. It had become more or less of a place of solitude, somewhere the two of them could be alone, without being judged, watched or interrupted. The hill was out in the open, there was often a gentle breeze flowing across the light grassy mound of earth.

The pair sat themselves on the soft grass atop the hill, gazing out at the sunset before them. They sat, silently for a few moments, Pinkie gathering every last ounce of courage she could muster before saying what had been on her mind for far too long.

"It's beautiful...isn't it Pinkie?" Fluttershy gently broke the silence with her quiet voice.

Pinkie nodded in agreement, looking out at the bright orange sky. "It is"

"Pinkie?"

Pinkie's head turned to look at her companion's face. "Hm?"

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you" She continued

Pinkie's ears perked up suddenly, her mind fuzzed out for a moment. Her thoughts swam with wishful thinking, did she feel the same way? What else could she be talking about at a time like this? Pinkie held her breath for a moment in anticipation of Fluttershy's next words. Pinkie could feel time slow, everything seemed to freeze. Her own heat beat could be heard as clear as day. Her eyes grew wide as she tried to hide the sudden jolt of her muscles.

"You promise not to tell anyone?" Fluttershy muttered, her face was tinted with a faint blush.

Pinkie was unable to speak, instead she turned to her pegasus friend with complete attention, her mouth forming a small 'o' shape.

"Big Macintosh and I had a talk the other day, and well" Fluttershy blushed turning her attention to the ground "we decided to...you know...get together"

Pinkie froze solid. Her brain seemed to burn out, throwing accusations and thoughts back and forth. She felt her heart sink, slowly, comprehending what she'd just heard. It took her a while to come to terms with the statement but when she did, she felt her chest explode, her heart tore itself in half, leaving a mess of confusion and self blame. She wanted to ask why, she wanted to tell her how she felt...but she didn't, she couldn't. The split moment after everything inside her shattered into pieces, it was soon put back together, by false emotions and lies gluing the pieces of Pinkie's broken mentality back only this time forming a shell. A shell that merely hid her true feelings.

"Oh? That's nice" Pinkie giggled "I hope he's as nice as you say he is"

Fluttershy nodded in approval "Oh yes, he's very kind"

"That's good" Pinkie grinned once again.

The silence from there on was gut wrenching. Pinkie felt her sadness slowly wave over her, consuming every last ounce of happiness she had left. The silence needed to be broken, before she broke down in front of the pony she cared so much about. She remembered the slice of peach cake.

"Hey Fluttershy, I brought you some of your favorite cake from the store today!"

Pinkie leaned down pushing the small box with the ribbon across the grass towards the pegasus with her nose.

"Is that what that is?" Fluttershy said curiously, looking at the box presented to her "Thank you, Pinkie"

Pinkie bobbed her head with a silly grin as she turned her head away.

"The sun's gone now" Pinkie said

"Mhmm" Fluttershy hummed in compliance

Silence once again took hold between the pair making both of them feel uncomfortable. It was never usually this quiet between the two of them. Pinkie writhed in her own busted pieces of hope and love.

"I think I should head home now, I'm feeling kind of tired" Pinkie said

"Already?" Fluttershy asked with a saddened frown

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I think for once I just need to relax" Pinkie laughed heartily

"Oh, well if you need to, you can stay in my cottage" Fluttershy offered, leaning her head towards her pink friend.

"Nah, thanks for the offer though Flutters"

"Okay then, I'll see you later then Pinkie?" Fluttershy reassured both herself and Pinkie

Pinkie stood herself up, the breeze brushing against her face. The dull sunlight hid the single tear beginning to break away from the pink pony's eye.

"Sure Fluttershy, I'll see you later" Pinkie gave Fluttershy a false smile once again, masking her real feelings hidden behind her bubbly attitude.

Pinkie turned her head to trot away until she heard Fluttershy's voice again.

"Wait!" She called

Pinkie spun her head around, her eyes locked on the yellow pegasus still seated on the grass of the hill.

"Didn't you say you had something to tell me?" Fluttershy asked, tilting her head to one side.

Pinkie giggled, bringing a hoof up to scratch her head.

"Oh yeah...I must have forgotten it" She lied "Oh well, if I forgot it mustn't have been important" She finished her sentence trying not to falter.

"Oh...okay then"

"I'll see you later Fluttershy" Pinkie waved goodbye one last time, turning back to trot on home. Pinkie hung her head in sheer disappointment and brokenness. She walked down the dirt path she had been hopping along not too long ago. For a moment she wished she could go back to that time, change what had happened that afternoon. Soon she realized that it would change a thing, Fluttershy would still be with Big Macintosh and that didn't look as though it were about to change. The single tear broke free trailing down her cheek, falling down on to the cold dirt path below her as she slowly made her way home.

Despair

Pinkie walked through the darkened town at an incredibly slow pace with every ounce of negative emotion she could carry. She forced her tears to stop rolling, she didn't want anyone to catch her in this state. Her head hung low, her poofy mane bobbling with each down trodden step. Every so often, the saddened pink mare would sniffle, forcing back the sobs that so desperately yearned to release themselves. Her mind processed the event over and over in her head. She began to blame herself, then Big Mac, then Fluttershy, which soon brought the blame back to her.

"None of them are to blame" She muttered to herself "I should have said something sooner"

Pinkie clamped her eyes shut hard, pressing the tears beginning to form to the corners of her eyes. Each step she took was like an extra dagger in her hoof. She desperately wanted to lay herself down, and cry. She wanted to let everything out, lift off the weight of the burden she now carried.

Sugarcube corner's appearance seemed different in the night. It felt dark and lonely, dulled down by the lack of lights surrounding it. It's colors seemed faded, as though something had sucked the life right out of the building. Pinkie made her way inside the sweet building with a creak. The sweet scent of the bakery couldn't so much as budge Pinkie's mood as she slowly walked by and up the stairs.

"Everyone must be sleeping" she whispered to herself.

She made her way down the corridor. She quickly peeked into the babies' room. There they were, sleeping soundly in their crib. For the first time since that afternoon, Pinkie smiled. She closed the door, turning to for her room, even it was dull. The usually bright colors of her room felt, bland and boring. She rushed over to Gummy crawling over the floor and picked him up. She hugged him tightly as he gave out a muffled gargle as though to greet his owner.

"Oh my gosh Gummy! I can't believe what just happened" She whispered

She released him from the hug and carried him over to her bed, collapsing on the soft sheets with a thud. Her eyes stared at the ceiling for several minutes. Gummy sat comfortably in her arms wriggling his tail every once in a while just to show he was still there. Pinkie's chest burned up, she felt sick in the stomach, there was nothing she could do to change it. She sniffled once more, blocking the sudden wave of despair that tried to creep out.

"I can't cry Gummy, I can't tell anyone" She told the her green pet "You can't tell anyone how I feel okay Gummy?"

Pinkie held the green alligator above her. Her eyes watered, glistening in the little light there was in the room. She lowered Gummy down on her chest rolling herself over on her side as she tugged her blankets up and over her. She leaned her head down giving Gummy a little kiss on his scaly head.

"Good night Gummy" She sobbed

The pink mare closed her eyes, sleeping proved to be no challenge at all.

Pinkie found herself in a blank white space. There was nothing around her for miles. Just white. She looked around, left, right, up, down. The look downwards startled her for a moment. She wasn't standing on anything, just floating in white space. She took a few moments to recollect her thoughts.

"Hello~!?" She called out

Pinkie took a few steps forward, wondering what exactly was going on. Her face contorted into confusion until she felt a presence behind her. Her head jerked around to look at who was standing behind her.

"F....Fluttershy?"

The white space around her seemed to dissolve and fade. Small grains of color fell from the sky, wavering and swaying in clouds down towards the two ponies. The clouds of color fell into place, as though filling in a picture of some kind. Pinkie spun her head around at her surroundings being newly created right in front her very eyes. The small grains of color slotted together, forming a rather familiar place. The image blurred and swirled, until it all became clear. Pinkie stood on the hill her and Fluttershy had spent countless hours on. The sun was high in the sky, the blue sky gave the pink earth pony a sense of clarity.

She looked back at Fluttershy, who simply sat on the grass staring out at into the air. Pinkie took a few steps towards her, the grass felt soothing against her hooves. The sound of birds and wind filled Pinkie's ears.

"Fluttershy?" She called

The pegasus turned her head to Pinkie. Her face displayed a heartwarming smile.

"Hello Pinkie" She said quietly "It's nice to see you again"

Pinkie looked at her for a moment before rushing over.

"Fluttershy!" She laughed as she took a seat next to her "It's good to see you too!"

Fluttershy turned her head back out to the sky. Pinkie looked turned her head, looking out at the sky, mimicking Fluttershy's movements. Her eyes widened when she saw the blue sky had turned bright shades of pink. Magenta colored dots littered the sky with faded lights. Small oddly shaped sweets hovered in the sky like large stars.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Fluttershy murmured

Pinkie gazed out at the wonderful sight in front of her, it was like staring into a room full of every kind of sweet treat you could ever imagine.

"It...really is" Pinkie agreed wholeheartedly

"You know" Fluttershy's voice felt different, it was definitely Fluttershy's voice but something made it seem a lot more soothing "It kind of reminds me of you" She finished with a soft giggle.

Pinkie turned her head to the yellow pegasus still looking out the pink sky. She stifled a giggle herself.

"It does huh?"

Silence settled between the two ponies sitting on the grass. The pair of them simply looking out at the twists and turns of pink above them. The various cupcakes and sugary sweet slowly gliding across the sky.

"Pinkie?" Fluttershy asked

"Yes?"

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we'd never met?"

Pinkie frowned for a moment. The thought had never really crossed her mind. The question was somewhat jarring, striking her ears with some kind of unknown force causing her to jerk her head backwards in uncertainty.

"Well...no not really" Pinkie replied "Have you?"

The question didn't seem to move Fluttershy in the slightest, answering almost instantly.

"Yes" She said bluntly

"What did you think about?"

"I wouldn't have anyone to make me smile the way you do" Fluttershy's tone didn't change at all.

Pinkie felt a sense of reassurance.

"But"

"But?" Pinkie repeated

"But if I had never met you, I'd never know how you could make me smile. I'd never have someone to talk to in the way you and I talk. I'd never know what I was missing"

"Fluttershy..." Pinkie's face saddened "Are you ok? Is there something you're not telling me?"

Pinkie leaned in towards her friend nuzzling her neck.

"I'm fine Pinkie" Fluttershy answered with a faint giggle "But are you?"

Pinkie pulled her head back abruptly, in slight shock.

"I...I....what?" Pinkie stammered

"Are you okay Pinkie?" Fluttershy repeated her question, turning her head to face the pink mare.

"Tell her Pinkie"

Pinkie spun around, behind her was, her. Pinkie saw herself, mane dull and straight, her coat darkened with sadness. The dull Pinkie gave off an eerie aura, something dark and dreary, something that didn't settle well.

"What?" Pinkie retorted

"Tell her, tell her! You have to tell her" The dull figure said

Pinkie felt tears begin to well up in her eyes, her chest began to heave with the pressure of the situation escalating rapidly "I can't!" She rasped

"Yes you can! Tell her!" The figure repeated

"NO! I'll only upset her! She's happy the way she is, i don't want to make her feel sad" Pinkie sobbed. her tears breaking free of her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

Pinkie threw her head to the side, looking away from her alter ego.

"Oh and it's alright for her to make you feel this way? Like you were never wanted? Like some throw away toy that she could just use at her leisure?" The dull pony's voice was filled with harshness and sarcasm.

"That's not true! She's not like that..." Pinkie murmured

The world around Pinkie began to shatter, darkness taking over the vibrant colors for the sky and the hills. Shades of blacks and whites drained the surroundings of life, Fluttershy faded to nothing with the swirls of darkness. Voices continually bombarded her, telling her things she refused ti accept.

"No, NO! She's not using me, she's my friend, she didn't didn't mean to make me feel like that!" Pinkie snapped

Small glistening droplets of salty liquid trailed from Pinkie's face, falling to the fading grass beneath her. Her body tightened, trying to fight the urge to shout and scream.

"Sure, believe what you like, but even if she doesn't mean to hurt you, does that make it any better? Do you find comfort in that?"

"Well...." Pinkie sniffled though her cries "No..."

"Exactly! Tell her! She deserves to know!"

"I can't! Stop asking me to!" Pinkie stood firmly on her views, refusing to budge "I'm not going to tell her, I don't want to confuse her. If she wants to be with Applejacks brother then that's none of my business" Pinkie said, admitting defeat to losing the pony she had such strong feelings for.

"What if she feels the same way about you Pinkie? What if you just need to tell her to find out?" Pinkie's dark self said in an attempt to sway her.

"How could she? She likes Big mac, I'm sure she doesn't feel the same way about me"

"You'll never know if you don't try"

"I don't care" Pinkie stated firmly

The dark Pinkie growled at Pinkie's persistence, snapping once again to hard words.

"And you're just expecting to bottle up this whole ordeal and deal with it? Yeah right, you'll carry this for the rest of you're life, it'll strike you down the moment it breaks loose. You'll see Fluttershy everyday, a constant reminder of the time you were too weak to try. How do you expect to live your life when the pony you love is the pony you have to avoid just because you can't handle looking at her anymore?!"

The apparition stomped it's hoof down hard on the ground.

Pinkie's face bent into anger, her tears now freely flowing down her face with sobs and cries that would strike anypony else with the torturing sadness that Pinkie carried inside her.

"You know what? Yes I will! I'll keep it to myself, that way she won't ever know and she won't have to deal with it"

The dulled self figure gave her a stern and sinister look.

"If you won't tell her...I'll make you tell her"

"No way! I won't let you!" Pinkie growled back

Pinkie's dark self took a step forward giving out a crazed laugh.

"Oh you'll let me" The grey figure sneered

Pinkie noticed the knife in her hand as she lifted it above her head. The knife pushed itself towards her with lightning speed.

Pinkie's eyes shot open as she found herself back home, in her bed. She was sweating profusely with tears on her cheeks, dampening her pillow. She looked down at her stomach, feeling with her hooves for any injuries, thankfully there was nothing.

She raised her hoof to he head, scratching her mane with a yawn.

"Just a dream..." She muttered to herself

She rolled out of her bed, stretching her limbs out for the first time in the new day.

"More like nightmare I think"

She looked down at Gummy scuttling across the floor, already playing the day away.

"I can't let anyone know about this, I'm going to be the same happy Pinkie Pie everypony knows" She grinned with confidence.

She bottled the depression and despair deep within herself, refusing to let it get in the way of her relations with her friends, or Fluttershy. She knew it was going to be difficult, but if she spent enough time keeping it back, maybe it would leave her alone.

Pinkie continued through her day, suppressing her depression with pride. She'd decided that it'd be best for her to avoid Fluttershy for now, at least until she'd learned to handle the pain to a degree.

Her morning was as it usually was, baking various goods for the Cakes, earning her share to stay in the room she occupied just above them. The work helped keep her mind focused on the task in front of her rather than the dream that plagued her mind last night.

Pony after pony came piling into the store, Pinkie had never seen the shop so busy before. She simultaneously had to serve customers while baking. The pink earth pony rushed back and forth between the counter and the oven. Several ponies had asked if she was okay working this hard on her own. She'd simply smile and nod, giving a 'Yep!' before heading back to her work.

There were several large orders to fill for the day, not making things any easier. Pinkie was grateful for the work to keep her busy.

Soon enough the work began to die down and fewer ponies came by to purchase the bakery's sweets. Pinkie finally took a moment to relax after cleaning the mess made from the hard day of work.

"Phew...why was it so crazy today?" She muttered under her exhausted breaths

She raised a hoof to wipe her forehead clear of the beads of sweat that began to form on her light pink coat. The jingle of the door bell filled the bakery yet again, Pinkie stood herself up, guarding the counter ready to serve the new customer. Her face twisted into a look of surprise when she saw Twilight walking towards her.

"Twilight?" Pinkie questions "What brings you here? Looking for something sweet to eat?"

Twilight halted her walking casually looking at the bright decor that littered the bakery's interior.

"Actually Pinkie, I came to see how you were doing today, I haven't seen you all day and I figured maybe something was up"

Pinkie let out a laugh.

"Silly filly, I'm fine, I've just been working hard here, we've had a very busy day you know. I had no idea how many ponies liked sweet things!"

Twilight couldn't help but giggle.

"So how did things go with Fluttershy yesterday? Did you tell her how you feel?"

Pinkie felt her mood instantly drop on the inside, she felt the bottled emotions leak. Yet on the outside, she stood strong, forcing out her smile that everypony knew so well.

"Oh I didn't end up telling her, turns out she's already got a special somepony" Pinkie giggled

Twilight gasped, bringing a hoof to her mouth.

"What! Are you alright?"

Twilight took a few hasty steps forward in worry.

"I'm fine Twi" Pinkie laughed

"Are you sure? You...don't feel bad...at all?"

Pinkie nodded again. Twilight began to question Pinkie's devotion to her feelings, beginning to think maybe it was just a fling. Something she didn't take as seriously as she said she did. It was either that or Pinkie was hiding something.

"If you say so Pinkie" Twilight shrugged it off, she didn't want to pry "So do you know who it is?"

Pinkie nodded again "I'm not sure if I should tell you though, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough"

"Well okay then, as long as you're alright"

Twilight left the store slightly worried about Pinkie. The pink pony lowered her head to the ground with a sigh. Her mood dropped instantly as she decided to call it a day. She headed for the back room, where Mr and Mrs Cake were usually checking stock around dusk. She peeped her head into the room.

"I think I'm done for the day Mr and Mrs Cake"

The two ponies in the room looked at the exhausted pink mare with empathy.

"Alright then dear" Mrs cake smiled

Pinkie left the room as soon as she was given the okay. She made her way up to her room, her dull, darkened room. Gummy was still crawling about the floor, enjoying himself to the best of his ability.

"I wish I was you Gummy" Pinkie said as she pushed the door shut behind her.

"You don't have to worry about all these crazy things we ponies have to deal with"

Pinkie rolled her eyes in sarcasm. She slumped herself on her bed, staring at her ceiling again. She looked up at the same spot for a few seconds. Seconds ticked on to minutes. The spot began to warp and twist, her eyes playing tricks on her. Her mind began to wander as the minutes soon flowed on to hours. The sun had long since gone, Pinkie still laying in her bed, looking at the roof above her.

Pinkie pulled herself up off her bed, walking over to a small cabinet she had in the corner of her room. The sat herself down and yanked it open. The small containment was filled with dozens and dozens of various types of sugary sweets. Candy canes, sweet rolls, bon bons, you name it, it was likely in there. Pinkie began to chow down on mouthfuls of sweetness, hoping the sugar binge would help calm her down. The taste in her mouth surprisingly took her mind off the pain, she gobbled faster and faster. Trying to press down the thoughts of sadness and despair.

Before long Pinkie toppled backwards, closing her eyes for a moment to take a nap. Her nap soon turned into an all night sleep.

Torture

Five days.

Five days had passed since that afternoon. Pinkie had barely left Sugarcube corner at all. She spent her time working and on occasion, going to visit Dashie to talk about, the topics that crossed her mind. Not once did she let on about her true feelings. They were kept hidden, well away from public eyes. Those five days, felt long and arduous. Pinkie could have sworn somepony had turned time down, slowing it to a near stop.

It was torture.

Twilight stopped by to visit every day, she knew something was wrong. Pinkie was usually out and about, yet there she was, staying in the bakery all day, everyday. She wanted to help the pink party mare, with whatever the problem was, but every attempt made to lend a hoof was met by a bright smile and a confirmation that nothing was wrong. Twilight soon realized that she wasn't going to get anywhere by simply asking but she had no clue on what else she could do without hurting Pinkie more. The unicorn figured it would probably best to let time take it's toll.

On the rare occasion Pinkie did leave the store, after Mrs Cake had coaxed her into a break. She'd spend her spare time with Rainbow Dash. Talking about whatever came to mind, occasionally heading out for a little prank. She didn't dare tell Dash about what happened that afternoon. They'd roam all over town, dropping buckets, tugging ropes, kicking thunder clouds and the like. Rainbow could feel something odd. Pinkie wasn't herself, she looked and acted like the same Pinkie she knew. The one that could make anypony laugh, the one that cared about everypony in town. Yet, there was something missing, something Rainbow couldn't quite put a hoof on. Like somepony had reached down in the pink pony's mind and taken something important from her.

Rainbow had asked about how her confession with Fluttershy went. Pinkie merely responded with a calm "Oh nah, I didn't tell her" and that was the end of it.

She hadn't seen Fluttershy in those few days, she felt she wasn't ready yet. The yellow pegasus had come to visit, but Pinkie had made Mrs Cake aware that she didn't want to see her just yet. Fluttershy was fed lies of Pinkie being away, so the pink pony wouldn't have to worry about accidentally bumping into her while working. Pinkie's sad moments became less frequent, and crying every night became obsolete after day two. However the sugar binge every night became a ritual, it helped her relax, somehow managing to put her to sleep. Mrs Cake had begun to ask where some of the sweets were going. Pinkie told her she'd kept some in her room for a rainy day. Pinkie thought, maybe she was finally learning to deal with it, maybe she could move on again, live normally.

Pinkie slowly trotted into the kitchen, smiling at Mrs Cake who had already taken her role of work for the day.

"Oh, good morning dear" Mrs Cake greeted the still drowsy pink mare

Pinkie shook her head to wake herself up, becoming aware of her surroundings.

"Uh...Hi Mrs Cake"

Pinkie looked at the blue earth pony wearing her apron, slightly confused.

"I figured you needed a day off, Pinkie. You've been working non stop for five days"

Pinkie jerked her head back.

"What? No, I'm fine I don't need a break" Pinkie retorted

Mrs Cake gave a sheepish grin, slightly afraid of the angered pink pony in front of her.

"Please Pinkie, you look like you're worn out, just let me handle today"

"No, It's fine, really!" Pinkie said dashing forwards in panic.

The last thing she wanted was a day off to help jog her memory. Work was keeping her mind off the thoughts she wanted to escape. A day off could easily ruin five long days of trying to forget.

"I insist Pinkie, you need a break"

Pinkie clamped her eyes shut in frustration.

"Fine" She muttered "I guess I'll go see Dashie for today then"

Pinkie turned herself towards the front door.

"Great, I'll see you this afternoon then, don't worry about the store I've got things covered" Mrs Cake called to the pink pony leaving the store.

Pinkie stepped outside into the morning sun, letting out a deep sigh. Ponies were already out and about, selling and buying, visiting friends and the like. The noise of the town was somewhat relaxing, slowly seeping any doubts out of Pinkie's mind.

"This is going to be a looooong day" Pinkie said to herself.

She took a moment to recap her thoughts.

"Well then, lets try have some fun!" Pinkie smiled hopping off into the bustling town ahead.

Pinkie hopped through the various buildings that made up Ponyville. Ponies were waking, trotting, playing, carrying on with their lives. Normal day to day chores and errands, jobs and leisure. She bobbed and weaved through the townsfolk. Her mouth blabbed greetings to almost everypony she passed. She felt normal.

The pink earth pony, so caught up in her cheerful greetings, almost forgot where she was headed. Her body jerked and turned, with the sudden thought of her destination. She hopped onward to the outskirts of town, following a plain dirt path in an open meadow. Pinkie could see Rainbow's cloud home in the distance. Rainbow was always there to help Pinkie take her mind off things, if she couldn't work, she'd play. Pinkie's mind began to wander to the various tricks and pranks they'd be able to pull today. She let out a quick snicker a the thought.

"Rainboooow!~" Pinkie called out into the sky

The blue pegasus zoomed out of one of her windows in almost no time, almost as if she were waiting for her. She looked down to see the pink earth pony looking up at her with a smile of anticipation.

"Hey Pinkie Pie" She greeted

"Did you wanna come play today? I thought of a few more pranks for us to pull!" Pinkie's face radiated with excitement.

"Sorry Pinkie, I think I'm just gonna stay home and finish this new Daring Do book" Rainbow apologized her face fading to that of shallow guilt "Maybe some other time okay?"

Pinkie's smile faded almost instantly.

"Oh" Pinkie sighed "Okay then Dashie, I'll see you later"

Pinkie forced a false smile before turning around to hop on to her next destination. Rainbow looked at the pink pony hop off, slightly worried, before shrugging it off and rushing back into her home.

Pinkie bounded through town once again, unsure of where to go. She thought about Fluttershy, her bouncing stopped abruptly. It just wasn't possible to stop thinking of her, she was always there. Pinkie contorted her face, lowering her brows.

"Maybe...I could see how she is...she usually makes me happy, maybe that hasn't changed"

She stopped to think about what she had just suggested to herself, what if it brought out the best in her? What if everything goes better than she expected it to? Yet, on the other hoof, a visit to Fluttershy could make her feel just as bad. Again that gamble of good and bad paid Pinkie another visit.

"Should I really take the risk?" She murmured to herself

She stood in her place for a few minutes, thinking things over as hard as she could. Her eyes closed tightly, tilting her head at the ground.

"Yes, I will, I'll take that chance, Fluttershy is worth it" Pinkie nodded triumphantly.

Pinkie tried to reassure herself as she made her way across town, following the same paths she had become all too familiar with. Soon the buildings became less common, being replaced by fields and trees. The refined town roads became open dirt paths that lead to the cottage, the ones that Pinkie had come to love.

As Pinkie approached the cottage just over the horizon, she noticed Fluttershy just outside the front door. The yellow pegasus sat by a table as though she were waiting for somepony. She felt her worries lift, she suddently felt happier, just to see her. Her walking hastened to a trot, her smile growing wider with every closing inch.

"Fluttershy!" She called out

The yellow mare perked her ears, looking out at the path Pinkie was running along. She raised a hoof in a wave. Pinkie ran up to her special friend with a grin.

"Pinkie! I haven't seen you in days" Fluttershy exclaimed

Pinkie panted, trying to catch her breath "Yeah I'm sorry I guess I just got a little...uhh" Pinkie's voice faltered for a moment "Sick...yeah, too much sugary stuff" Pinkie let out a hearty giggle "You know me"

Fluttershy sent a gentle heartwarming smile.

The pair of ponies turned their heads at the sudden sound of the front door opening. A well built red stallion emerged from the cottage, one Pinkie knew all too well. The pink pony felt her world shatter yet again as he walked over to the shy pegasus. He placed a small cup of what seemed to be juice on the table beside her. Fluttershy gave a giggle.

"Thank you Mac"

Fluttershy turned back to Pinkie.

"Pinkie, I'm sure you already know, but this is Big Macintosh"

The final pieces of joy and happiness were now trodden and replaced with remorse and hopelessness.

"Howdy" The big red stallion greeted with a caring smile.

Pinkie sat silently with a blank face, swallowing down the negativity as best she could. She wanted to scream, to shout, to yell at both of the ponies that were in front of her.

"Hi!" She grinned "I've heard a lot about you!"

The stallion shied his head away. Fluttershy stretched her neck out pressing her nose against Mac's.

Pinkie felt something snap inside her. As though the last piece's of hope she had left had faded.

"Well...I think I better head off, leave you two be" She winked "Besides, I'm feeling a little off, uh...too much sugar" She groaned with a lie.

"Oh, well okay then Pinkie. I hope you feel better soon" Fluttershy hoped with slight worry "You should stop eating so many sweets, I'm sure that'll help"

"I'll be fine Flutters!" Pinkie shouted as she trotted off down the path.

Mac looked at the yellow pegasus with a bit of curiosity "Flutters?" The deep voice repeated Pinkie's words.

Fluttershy blushed "Oh it's just what Pinkie calls me" She smiled.

The pink pony bounced into town, the sun clearly beginning to lower in the slightly orange sky. She approached a building she had come to visit a lot in the past few months. She knocked on the wooden door lightly.

"Helloooo~!" She called out

Twilight appeared as the wooden door swung open with a creak.

"Pinkie Pie?" The lavender pony seem genuinely surprised to see Pinkie "What brings you here?" She asked

Pinkie shrugged pushing her way into the library "I dunno"

Pinkie looked up at all the bookshelves as she'd always done upon entering the library. There was just something so...interesting about seeing so many books in one place. Where did Twilight even get all these books, and what were they all for? What does she do with the one's she's already read? Put them back to read again some other time? The thought slipped through her mind as she turned around to meet the unicorn standing behind her.

"Actually, Twilight" Pinkie started

Pinkie paused, running through her thoughts.

"I wanted to know if you wanted, hang out or something, you know, just play?" Pinkie asked with a grin.

Twilight raised a brow in confusion. Pinkie never wanted to 'play' with Twilight before, what made now any different. Twilight's suspicions grew stronger, something was clearly off.

"Uh...play?" Twilight asked

"Yeah, you know..." Pinkie waved her hoof in the air "Play!"

Twilight frowned, taking a few steps toward her friend. She narrowed her eyes "Pinkie...Are you ok?"

Pinkie's face grew blank for a few moments before bursting into a giggle "Of course Twilight, why do you keep asking?"

Twilight rolled her eyes, in frustration "I know something's wrong Pinkie, You've been acting...different lately"

Pinkie's bubbly smile faded "What do you mean?"

Twilight took a few more steps towards the pink pony.

"I mean the staying at Sugarcube Corner for five days straight, I mean how you want to 'play' with me" Twilight's voice stammered a little "Me! Of all ponies and I mean how you spend the time in Sugarcube Corner working, I mean how Mrs Cake has to lie to Fluttershy just so you don't have to see her!"

Twilight brought her hooves to cover her mouth as soon as she let that last phrase slip out of her mouth.

"Wait! No! I mean..." Twilight shrunk her head back in regret.

Pinkie's ears lowered. She felt her bottled emotions leak once again, only this time the bottle broke. The pink pony lowered her head, clamping her eyes shut as tight as she could. She tried to fight off the tears. Five days of hard work were undone as Pinkie buckled under her hooves. She fell to the ground, tears streaming down her face and on to the flooring of the library. Twilight jumped back at the sudden movements, unsure of how to react.

"It hurts Twilight! It hurts so much!" Pinkie wailed

Twilight rushed over to her quickly sitting beside the downed pink mare. She placed her hooves around her in a hug, in hopes of trying to lift her mood.

"What does?" Twilight asked gently

Pinkie sniffled and sobbed, wiping her face with her hooves "Fluttershy...she...she's with Big Mac...I was too late. I know I sound...like I'm being greedy, crying and whining because...I..I didn't get what I wanted...b...but i can't help it!"

Twilight couldn't help but feel tears begin to well up in her own eyes. The usually happy pony was a pile of misery and self loathing, radiating despair to anything around her.

"I tried to forget about it, I don't want to tell her because I don't want her to worry about me" Pinkie cried

Her sniffles and hiccups were as uncontrolled as lightning, the pink mare threw her arms around Twilight, trying to comfort herself. Twilight could feel Pinkie shaking, rattled with emotion, she could feel Pinkie's warm tears roll onto her body.

"Pinkie..."

"I don't know what to do, Twilight, I can't visit Fluttershy anymore...because....because it feels like somepony has a knife in my chest"

Pinkie's hold on Twilight tightened as she rubbed her face into Twilight's mane as a small filly would their mother.

"And...they're twisting it around, again and again" Pinkie continued "It's dug right in there and I can't get it out"

Twilight began to cry with her, the grim metaphor tearing Twilight's heart in half. "I'm sorry Pinkie"

"I want to be happy for her, I really, really do..but...I can't do it. And.. now...I started wishing I'd never met her and it makes me feel so bad" Pinkie cried

Twilight had no idea what to say, what to do. She figured there was nothing she could do, the best thing she could do was let her friend talk. Let her get all of her troubles out.

Pinkie's crying lasted for hours, the two ponies sat on the library floor, holding each other, Pinkie letting out all the sorrow that boiled and cooked within her for five days straight. Pinkie talked and talked, about how much she cared about the shy pegasus, how much she meant to her and most importantly, how much she wanted to be with her.

"You can't tell her Twilight, please, don't tell her" Pinkie pleaded

The pink pony began to grow tired, she began to relax, running out of energy to use and tears to shed. She collapsed on Twilight still sniffling and sobbing, her face damp and ragged. She slowly began to drift off to sleep. Twilight managed to keep herself awake a little while longer.

The lavender unicorn's horn began to glow, lifting a blanket from her room upstairs toward her. She laid the blanket over the two of them, figuring it'd be best to sleep with Pinkie for tonight, to comfort her. Twilight laid herself down nuzzling Pinkie's bright pink poofy mane, eliciting a sob from the pink party pony.

The days flowed on by, soon becoming weeks. Pinkie's attempts to suppress her real feelings became futile. Pinkie often holding strong during the days, bouncing around like that happy mare everypony knew her as. Then, as the sun set, she'd visit Twilight, like some sort of therapy session. She would explain her feelings, how she had dreams, of herself. Talking to herself. Abusing herself. Twilight couldn't help but begin to feel like she was useless, unable to help Pinkie with her problems. She was clearly tearing herself apart and there was nothing anyone could do to help her.

Fluttershy started to visit Pinkie. Pinkie would try her best not to show any discomfort, sometimes it would work. But usually, Fluttershy began see the pink pony falter and shake. Sometimes a tear forming in her eyes. Pinkie would insist that she was fine, that she'd just had a little to much sugar and was making her shaky, which soon became partially true.

The yellow pegasus began to ask her friends if they'd noticed Pinkie's strange behavior. Rarity had been busy with work, not seeing much of Pinkie. The same applied to Applejack, however they agreed that when they did see Pinkie, she definitely acted different. Rainbow hadn't seen her since she asked to play a few weeks ago, telling Fluttershy that she had turned her down after she asked to hang out. Pinkie was beginning to isolate herself, which was definitely not in her nature.

When Fluttershy asked Twilight, the lavender unicorn simply bit her bottom lip in an attempt to hold back the sorrow beginning to build in her eyes. The pegasus rushed to her asking her what was wrong, but she'd promised Pinkie she wouldn't tell her. It only made Twilight feel even more helpless, she began to relay Pinkie's feelings, crying on the spot. Fluttershy gasped, unable to understand why Twilight cried at the mere mention of Pinkie's unusual actions.

Soon Pinkie's conflicted feelings became a burden to each of the 6 friends, affecting them in ways they hadn't expected.

Pinkie lay on her floor, staring up at the ceiling. The past few weeks had been anything but easy, yet she was still here.

"Maybe I should leave Gummy" She said out aloud to the alligator hopping around the room on a blue ball "Maybe someone might be able to help me forget all this stuff. Some really powerful unicorn somewhere has to be able to get rid of memories right?"

Pinkie pondered her thoughts for a moment.

"Hmm...do i really want to forget about her though? She's so special to me..."

The little alligator let out a gargle.

"You're right Gummy, I can't forget her, that would be mean...I mean imagine if I saw her again"

The pink pony frowned "I'd never recognize her, but she would know me...I bet she'd be super sad if i didn't remember her"

She sighed, waiting a moment before continuing on.

"Well what else can I do? I can't just cry or eat myself to sleep every night" Pinkie said sarcastically with a frown.

Pinkie rolled herself over, picking up another slice of cake from the box beside her. She pressed the cake into her mouth swallowing it almost whole. She rolled back over, returning her gaze up at the ceiling. The pink pony began to feel her body heat up, she wasn't sure why.

"I wonder where I'd go if I did leave" she whispered trying to ignore the sudden influx of odd sensations.

Soon the feelings became too hard to ignore. She tried to pull herself up, her arms felt weak and her stomach began to hurt. Her limbs collapsed back down, her head landed on the floor with a thud. Her cheeks began to feel hot, her eye lids growing heavier by the second. She felt her hooves begin to burn, almost as if they were on fire.

"Wh...w" Pinkie felt her eye lids slowly close themselves, her whole body beginning to relax and weaken. The pink pony lay on the floor on the verge of passing out. As the last few moments of consciousness slipped away from her, she panicked. She shouted Fluttershy's name before her mind blacked out.

Mentality

"So, How does it feel?"

Pinkie struggled to pull herself upright, leaning and swaying as she attempted to balance her body. She could feel cold water patting down on her, the occasion thunder roll piercing her ears. The cool water rolled down her figure in continual streams as she looked around, her vision blurred and warped. Her eyes clamped shut, blinking several times to try correct her impaired sight. Her bright pink mane wavered and bobbed as she tossed her head from side to side, in a futile attempt to shake out the dazed state she was in.

"Haha, look at yourself" A familiar voice sneered from above

Pinkie darted her eyes around, trying to find the source of the voice.

"Pathetic"

The pink pony's vision soon began to fuzz and twist, coming back into focus. She began to make out her surroundings, or in this case the lack of. Pinkie found her self in a ditch, a small but deep hole in the ground. The base was covered in a thick mud, with a few plant roots poking up out of the ground. The walls of the hole were rough and torn, with sticks and twigs scaring the surface. Climbing up was out of the question.

Pinkie looked up at the top of the hole, she could barely make out a figure, that seemed to be seated on a throne.

"Who are you!?" She called out

She heard the pony above her laugh, maniacally over the rain and thunder that crackled around her.

"You don't even know who you're talking to? Wow, you really are stupid" The voice was filled with hurtfulness, striking Pinkie's ears with sadness.

Pinkie didn't know what to say, she squinted and blinked, trying to look at her verbal attacker.

"You!" She sneered

Pinkie saw a face she knew all too well. It was herself, her colors darkened and faded. Her mane straightened flat, hanging by her side as though it were a piece of cloth. She sat on a large throne, decorated with gems that Pinkie had never seen before. It looked as thought she had a cupcake in her hoof, nibbling it playfully.

"Oh look, she recognizes herself" The dreary pony jeered.

"You are NOT me!" Pinkie raised a hoof, pointing at the alternate self.

The apparition leaned her head downwards staring at Pinkie with large, unforgiving eyes. She gave a sneer that sent a shiver down Pinkie's spine.

"Oh really? That's funny, because I recall you letting me come out to play when you thought your friends were ignoring you"

Pinkie's ears lowered, a loud crack of thunder shocking her back into the mud.

"Is she alright?" A voice that came from neither Pinkie or her alternate self echoed through the air.

Pinkie immediately recognized it as Twilight's voice, but it was muffled and faded.

"T...Twilight?" Pinkie said with sadness coating her face.

"Yep, that'd be Twilight" She heard her darkened self tease "I've been listening to them while you were out cold"

"Wh....what did they say?" Pinkie asked

"The usual, they're all worried, all 5 of them" The dark pony leaned back with confidence, taking a bite out of the cupcake she held "Oh, I think Fluttershy stayed by your side all night too, I'm not quite sure. I can't exactly see yet because your body hasn't woken up"

Pinkie let herself flop back into the mud, not sure of what to say next.

"So, how does it feel Pinkie?"

"Don't talk to me, you meanie pants" Pinkie sneered almost instantly.

"You don't want to talk about how I told you so?"

"No! I don't!"

Pinkie looked up at herself sitting on the throne with a sniffle. She began to feel her eyes water, quickly breaking from her eyes with the rain that fell on her face.

"What do you want from me?" Pinkie asked

"Me?" The straight maned pony looked down at the muddied party pony in the hole with a laugh "I want you to stop torturing yourself. Ironic isn't it?"

"How's that?" Pinkie's eyes closed, giving up hope that she could win against herself

"Well am I not the depressed one? Am I not the one who is continually sad? Should I not be the one torturing you...or us?" The high pony pressed the cupcake to her lips once again

"I think I am. I should be the one down there, not you, not like I'm complaining though" She let out a sigh "But I digress, for once, I don't want torture" She said with a sneer

The dull pony slowly climbed off her throne, with a sinister glint in her eyes. Pinkie's alternate self pushed the cupcake into her mouth, gobbling it down greedily. She swallowed, letting out a deep and taunting sigh.

"So, are you going to tell her now?"

Pinkie shook her head, the mud sloshing about as she did "No..."

"Very well have it your way"

Pinkie felt a thud in the ditch. She lifted her head up and out of the mud. The apparition was standing across from her with a malevolent grin. Her eyes glowed red, a burning fire emanating from the pupils. Pinkie attempted to scuttle backwards. The dark figure disappeared in a cloud of dull pink smoke. Shards of pure black accompanied the pink as the cloud shrunk into nothing. Before Pinkie could react, the cloud had reappeared right in her face, her alter ego now looming over the muddied pink mare.

The figure let out a laugh "You can't get away from me here" She growled raising a hoof.

With little remorse, the hoof planted itself on Pinkie's chest firmly, holding her in place.

"This is my area, my little sanctuary, isn't it fitting?" She jeered

Pinkie could do nothing but squirm in horror as the hoof pressed down on her chest. Fear rattled Pinkie's mind, realizing her alter ego's intentions.

"Quit moving, you'll only make things worse!" The moment the sentence finished, Pinkie could feel the air in her lungs being pressed out of her. The hoof on her chest showing no signs of loosening. Pain began to rip through Pinkie's body, her hind legs kicking and flailing. She tried to shout, to scream, tell her to get off. With no air in her lungs, nothing came out of her mouth but a mere squeak.

"Pinkie!" A voice shouted

Pinkie bucked and writhed under her attacker, desperately trying to shake herself free. She felt as though she was going to pass out, everything fading to a dull shade of gray.

The pink pony's torso shot up and out of the bed, sitting upright.

"GET OFF!" She screamed

Pinkie looked around, she sat in a hospital bed, gasping and panting for air. Her body felt hot and sweaty, she could feel the small beads of water rolling along her coat. Her eyes were wide with shock and with each breath she found herself becoming more aware of the pony sitting by her bed.

Twilight sat beside Pinkie, tears only just visible in the corners of her eyes. The lavender unicorn forced a sniffle.

"T...Twilight?" Pinkie's voice was shaky and erratic, anything but healthy

The pink pony laid herself back down on the bed as the adrenaline wore off, her left arm lay limp beside her, a needle embedded just behind her elbow. Pinkie grew confused, the room was dark, she turned her head to the window by her head. It was raining. She could see Ponyville in the distance, through the misty clouds and water falling from the sky. She looked down to her chest, it felt as though it were about to burst from the pressure that was applied to it. The loud sigh of relief left her mouth.

"What's going on Twilight?"

Pinkie's adrenalin boost had run out, she felt her muscles weaken and eyelids hanging down, obstructing part of her view.

"You're sick Pinkie, you're in hospital" Twilight cried

"Why?....And why are you crying?"

Twilight laughed "I'm worried about you, you're my friend, do you think it's easy to see you like this?"

Pinkie swallowed.

"Where are the others?" Pinkie asked trying to spot the her other friends. The blue eyes darted across the room to no avail.

"They've gone home to get some sleep, it's my turn to stay with you for the night"

"Oh"

Pinkie looked at the ceiling. it was different from her room. A dull, monotonous gray. It made her heart sink, and most importantly it made her realize her coat had darkened, her mane was limp, laying it straight strands by her body. She had become the pony she was fighting off.

"No..." She muttered "Why is this happening Twilight?" Pinkie asked with a sob.

Twilight shrugged "I think you're beating yourself up too much Pinkie"

Twilight looked behind her, as thought making sure nopony was listening or watching in on them.

"I understand that you don't want to worry Fluttershy too much about your feelings, but you already are..." Twilight reached out a hoof and placed it on Pinkie's "I can see you want to protect her but...you're killing yourself to do it"

Twilight's voice was rattled with fear and distraught. Pinkie could feel her hoof shake as the unicorn sniffled back tears. Pinkie could say nothing, her mind was blank, she didn't know what to think.

"I think...you're going to have to make a choice Pinkie" The unicorn stopped for a brief moment as thought she were writing up her next few words in her mind before saying them "It's either her or you"

Pinkie gasped, pulling her hoof away in sheer shock.

"Twilight! No! No way am I putting this on her! I can handle this..." Pinkie's voice trailed off as she lifted her hooves together by her face "I think" She finished

The purple unicorn felt a tear break away from the build up in her eyes.

"Pinkie..You almost died" Twilight said brushing her face with a free hoof.

Pinkie felt her ears droop at the mere sound of the word.

"You had a horrible case of hyperglycemia"

"Hy...what?" Pinkie asked, contorting her face.

"Hyperglycemia...put short you had too much sugar" Twilight's face was filled with worry "But in your case...it wasn't just too much..."

"Wha....what do you mean?"

Pinkie felt her voice falter, shaking with each word, awaiting the imminent blow she was expecting.

"You were three times over the lethal amount, you shouldn't even be here right now. That needle in your arm is pretty much the only thing keeping you alive. The doctors said they were astounded that you made it as far as you did"

Pinkie brushed her flattened mane aside, looking at her dull pink limb. Her arm rested by her side, laying limp with a clear plastic tube leading to a bag hanging by her bed. The two ponies sat silently for a few minutes, their minds racing with thoughts. Each one of them wanted to ask questions, talk about what was happening but it felt as thought something was forcing them to hold their thoughts back.

"Twilight?" Pinkie asked

The lavender unicorn looked up at the pink pony with sadness filling her eyes.

"Am I going to...die?"

Silence reigned over the room once more, Twilight unable to answer the question Pinkie had just thrown at her. The unicorn closed her eyes, resting her head on Pinkie's bed.

"We don't know...the doctors said it's not looking good" She said with a sigh "It's best if you rest, for now"

"Twilight, do you have some paper?"

"No, but I can go get some"

Pinkie nodded "Please"

The unicorn pulled herself up off the bed, leaving the room to find some parchment for Pinkie. The ill pink earth pony looked out the slightly fogged up window. The rain pattered against it, running down the glass in long streams. Somehow, the dull weather and the sound of the rain on the roof was relaxing. Pinkie felt some of her worries lift, her body becoming less tense as she let out a sigh. She pulled her free hoof up, grabbing some of the lone strands of her mane. The normally bright pink curls had been reduced to nothing but straight, dull, locks.

"What am I supposed to do now?" Pinkie whispered to herself.

Twilight stepped back into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Here you go Pinkie" Twilight called levitating a piece of paper and a quill over to the pink pony laying in bed.

Pinkie grabbed the quill in her mouth, the paper landing gently on her lap. Twilight took a seat beside her, smiling as she did. The earth pony looked down at the paper.

"Could you please hold it out for me?"

Twilight simply sent a nod, her horn glowing with that familiar purple aura. The paper floated up off Pinkie's lap, hovering just in front of her. Pinkie began to scrawl down words. Her mouth moved with unbelievable speed and precision for her condition. The lavender pony was shocked. She had never seen Pinkie write before. Pinkie wrote word after word, trailing each and every one of the thoughts onto the page carefully. Her eyes slid from side to side, scanning each word she jotted down.

"What are you writing?" Twilight asked

"Nuffnh Tfilight" Pinkie muffled through the quill in her mouth

"If you say so Pinkie"

The pink earth pony wrote for almost 30 minutes. Taking a few breaks, allowing her mouth to rest while she recollected her thoughts. Pinkie placed the quill back down, reading over her note carefully. She smiled, her eyes becoming blurred with tears. She grabbed the note in her hooves, the purple aura of Twilight's magic fading away.

"Thanks Twilight"

Twilight didn't respond, she simply smiled. A smile filled with sadness, yet comforted Pinkie in the strangest way. Pinkie folded the note up, placing on the table beside her bed. The earth pony laid herself back with a deep sigh.

"I think I'm going to take a rest"

"Okay then, I'll stay here, don't worry" Twilight nodded

"Don't you have some books to read or letters to write"

"Weeeell...I do but I'd rather stay here to make sure you're alright"

A sheepish grin washed over the unicorns face. Pinkie shrugged, closing her eyes.

"Thanks Twilight..." She murmured

It didn't take much for Pinkie's mind to fade out. Before she had a chance to reconsider, she found herself in a familiar area. She sat on a throne, perched just over a deep and muddy ditch. She felt a smile creep across her dull pink face as she looked down into the ditch. Through the rain she could see a figure she knew all too well. The bright and bubbly pink earth pony sat in the base of the ditch, mud covering her body.

"My my my....how the tables have turned!" She called out to the bottom of the earthy hole.

Pinkie's eyes filled with a menacing glare.

"I have to say Pinkie, I should thank you for letting me take hold here" Pinkie through her arms into the air, her straightened mane flapping about.

"What are you talking about?" The muddied pony shouted, attempting to look up through the rain.

"Oh please, don't tell me you haven't even realized that you've pushed yourself so far back into your own mind that you've let me step in charge of things?"

"Well I..."

"HA!" Pinkie sneered "Well it doesn't matter anymore, as soon as we're done here, I'm going to give Fluttershy that note and this will all finally be over"

"Wait no! You can't tell her" Her former self shouted as she stood herself up.

The rain grew heavier, the thunder rolling louder by the second.

"Oh? And who's going to stop me?" Pinkie paused for a moment "You?" She jeered sarcastically.

"But you can't you need to stay in hospital!" The mare at the bottom of the ditch began to fume with anger

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT SOME HOSPITAL!?" Pinkie roared "I've had just about enough of you killing the both us slowly, I want to agree with you, get along with you...but you make it so hard with your stubbornness"

Pinkie brushed her mane back into place, resting her head back against her comfortable seating.

"Besides, she deserves to be told, and there's nothing you can do to stop me"

Pinkie felt the ground below her shake, a bright pink light burst from the hole. An abrupt explosion filled the air as the bubbly pink mare shot out and slammed herself into the pony seated on the throne. Her former self was flaring with light, her eyes glowing a furious white, her mane wavering with the sheer anger radiating off her body. Pinkie felt a hoof press down on her throat.

"Oh I...see...how it is...you think....you can actu...ally stop me?" Pinkie choked struggling to pull the mares hooves off her "Why do you insist...on..torturing yourself?"

Pinkie began to feel her mind fade, breathing became difficult. The glowing apparition, pressed down harder, her threatening sneer growing larger.

"I only want...you to stop..hur....ting....yourself......do you have...any....idea....how much...you've...lost?"

The hoof pressing down on her lifted slightly, the face of anger weakened. Pinkie saw the shade of doubt, and jumped on it in an instant.

"You can't even comfort yourself any...more"

The pink aura around the apparition faded as she stepped off Pinkie with a face of shock. Pinkie pulled herself back, coughing and spluttering. She took a deep breath before continuing her taunts.

"Those, cupcakes, cakes, sweets, sugar...you won't be able to eat those anymore, you've lost yet another thing you love and you keep trying to push on?"

Pinkie threw her hoof out, shouting her words with fury. The bubbly pink mare sunk back, crouching in fear and denial.

"You're lying!"

"Am I?!" Pinkie's eyes shot open, her pupils shrinking in size.

Pinkie slowly trotted over to the pink mare, circling around her whispering hurtful words at her.

"I'm sick of you being sad, why is it so bad if I want you...us, to be happy?"

Pinkie raised her hooves, shoving her former self over the edge of the ditch. The pink mare fell, flailing her limbs around in panic. She landed back into the mud with a splat.

"AND STAY DOWN THERE UNTIL I'M DONE!" Pinkie growled "I'm fixing your mess and that's that!"

The pink mare below said nothing, she lay in the mud, feeling her sorrows flow over her. She had lost everything she loved, why exactly was she trying to prevent happiness? Did she not love herself anymore? Her mind flooded with questions, if all of this was really worth it.

Pinkie sat herself back on her throne, waiting her time to come to set things right. It was time to glue the pieces back together.