Sky Does Scienceby HappycamperChaptersA Textbook HeistGlasses Make You SmarterMethaneBenzeneAperture ScienceEpilogueA Textbook HeistSky popped the lock on Carbon’s window and let herself in out of the cold. “Brrrrr!” She squeaked, shivering a little as she closed it behind her, looking around the dark living room and taking stock. Carbon was passed out on his couch, just across from his fireplace. A few dying embers brought a little illumination to the room, bathing everything in an orange half-light. Sky was relatively certain that he’d mistake her for an axe-murderer if he woke up right now. Something about pissing off a pony who she knew for a fact kept a dagger about him wasn’t exactly appealing to her right now. Besides, she wasn’t there for him. Not yet, anyway. “This plan is stupidly overcomplicated, sis.” Shadow commented, sitting down on the couch next to Carbon. “Exactly!” Sky whispered back, creeping around behind him. “So it’s gotta work, right?” “If you say so.” The younger pony shrugged, unconvinced. She settled down next to the stallion and started gently playing with his ears, “I’m sorry Carbon. Sky’s bloody bonkers.” Sky considered getting into an argument with her little sister, but figured that this was neither the time nor the place. Besides, she was technically correct. Sky was, in every sense, a homewrecker. If she wasn’t pinching everything that wasn’t nailed down, she was ruining all kinds of relationships. However, when it came to Carbon, she had no interest whatsoever in ruining what he and Lilo had together. Those two were in love, and she accepted that. He’d at least been nice to Sky once he’d learned to keep his wingboners to himself, and that was more than most stallions really did for her. His attitude had earned him a place on Sky’s incredibly short “Do Not Fuck These Ponies’ Lives Up” list. Besides, she was crap at dates. Right now, Sky was interested in only one thing: sex. The last few days had been downright torturous for her, a period during which she’d been inexplicably horny but unable to do anything about it. It was agonising, and Sky could barely take any more. Not even that big dragon dildo she kept under her floorboards was really doing it for her anymore. Perhaps her mind wasn’t working properly, her thought processes dulled by hormones, but she knew only three things right now: She needed a stallion to shag her, that stallion had to be Carbon, and the only way she was going to convince him to do that would be to woo him with her incredible command of all things scientific. There was just one problem. She was crap at science. “Where do ponies like him keep these things, anyway?” Sky asked, starting to rummage around through Carbon’s cupboards and drawers. “What the hell do I look like, a science pony?” Shadow deadpanned. “Go check to see if he has a study or something.” Sky huffed, dancing from one pair of hooves to the other restlessly. This is bloody well killing me… Shadow waited until Sky had irritably trotted out of the room before getting back to work, “Happy, sad, happy, sad…” She giggled softly, pushing his ears back before pulling them up again. Sky crept silently down the hall, just as wary of Lilo as she’d been about Carbon. Just because the changeling seemed shy and kind didn’t mean that she wouldn’t bust out any hitherto-unseen kung-fu expertise. She’d learned that one the hard way that one time she’d visited Shanghay. Sky stopped as she spotted a door that still had light shining out from underneath it. Placing her ear to it to make sure that nopony was moving on the other side, she twisted the knob and pushed, letting herself in. “Jackpot.” The room was filled with various textbooks and academic journals, piled up high in neat organised piles. It was a veritable fountain of knowledge, enough scientific knowledge to sustain even the most curious researcher. Sky, however, felt herself overcome with the same feeling she got when the teacher used to assign homework. “Awwww, Luna-fucking-damn-it, I don’t wanna read all of this shit!” She whined, flopping onto her back. She gazed up at the pile as another pony would look up at the world’s most unclimbable mountain. Just go find something that looks super-complicated and then go from there. Come on Sky, this is for a good cause and you know it! “Ugh…” She huffed, yanking a book out of the pile at random. The entire pile wobbled before collapsing on top of her like the most uncooperative game of Jenga on earth. A series of loud thuds and yelps echoed across the whole house. “Fuck, what’s that bitch doing?” Shadow huffed, ears perking. She gave a frightened little squeak as Carbon stirred. “Oh no...oh no...erm…” Thinking on her feet, the filly began to gently stroke his mane, whispering the only lullaby she knew. ”Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little Carbon…” Shadow sang softly, cursing her big sister’s name and silently vowing revenge. ”Please don’t wake up, cause you’ll kill us, and I don’t wanna die…” In time, Carbon’s expression softened, and he once again drifted off into his deep, warm slumber. Shadow planted her lips on his cheek gently, kissing him goodnight. Sky dashed into the living room again, triumphantly holding the biggest textbook and grinning. “Satisfied?” Shadow glared at her. “I will be soon.” Sky giggled evilly. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” “Hang on! Wanna see something cool first?” Shadow piped up, taking Carbon’s ears in her forehooves again, starting to wiggle them around. “Check it out! Happy...sad...confused…” “What in the name of Luna’s blue-darted bollocks are you doing!” Sky squeaked, terrified. She darted forward to bat Shadow off of him, but in her haste, she managed to sock him in the nose. That woke him up, all right. There was a moment where the three ponies stared at one another, wide-eyed. Carbon took in Sky’s manic expression, the thick book tucked under her wing, her presence in his house, and responded as almost anypony would in this situation. “What the fuck.” “CHEESE IT, SHADOW!” Sky yelped, doing an about turn and charging at the window. She slammed into it, fiddling with the lock for a few moments before flinging it open and diving out into the night. Shadow followed a moment later, pausing for only a moment to look back at him apologetically. “Sorry Carbon, she’s on heat right now. Life’s about to get really interesting for you.” She sighed, before taking flight. The poor hapless stallion was left in solitary confusion. the sound of Sky’s victorious cackling fading into the distance. “You’re fucking mad. I hope you realise that!” Shadow half-chuckled, flying alongside Sky as the mare picked up speed. “Maybe…” Sky grinned, skidding around the corner and starting to gallop down the street. “But this plan’s bound to work. I just know it.” Glasses Make You SmarterShadow trotted downstairs for breakfast, before collapsing in a fit of spluttering and coughing. It appeared as if the living room was filled with thick black smoke. Whatever it was, Shadow was relatively certain that she shouldn’t be breathing it in. “What the fuck, sis?” She squeaked, gasping for air and scrambling back up the stairs. “Did you set the fucking tower or what?” Just then, the sound of mad cackling crept up the stairs, one that was meant to chill the soul and give everypony goosebumps. It was a laugh that belonged to the maddest of mad scientists. Or, in this case, a mare on heat who thought she was a hell of a lot smarter than she really was. “MWAHAHAHAohbollocks…” Sky’s mad laughter descended into a coughing fit as she breathed it in as well, stumbling out of the room and faceplanting on the stairs. As Shadow opened her eyes, she took in her sister’s fairly ridiculous attire. Sky’s mane was slightly scorched, and she was wearing a lab coat with what looked like the biggest pair of glasses that she’d been able to find. “What the fuck are you wearing?” Shadow sighed, tapping her hoof irritably. It was hard to look pissed off when you were as fluffy as Shadow was, but she put in the extra effort for her sister. “Um...sciencey stuff?” Sky shrugged, dragging herself up the stairs and flapping her good wing to waft away the smoke. “You look ridiculous.” The filly deadpanned. “Seriously, you picked up that book last night and you’ve already managed to set the fucking tower on fire?” “It’s not on fire!” Sky said defensively, raising her forehooves. “It’s just...I poured some stuff in these two beakers together, and there was all this smoke, but the important thing is that I made science happen!” She beamed at her little sister with pure optimism. Shadow sighed with exasperation. “So what’s with the get-up?” “Well, apparently when you do science, you’ve gotta wear a lab coat.” Sky nodded confidently. “And these glasses just seemed kinda neat.” “They don’t even have lenses.” “So?” “You look like one of those ponies who wears scarves in summer and spends all day writing shitty articles for the newspaper.” Shadow cocked her head. “You really think that this is gonna get Carbon to sleep with you?” “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.” Sky nodded, grinning. “I’m formulating a foolproof plan that’s guaranteed to get him to shag me!” “Just as well it’s foolproof…” Shadow muttered to herself, rolling her eyes. “What’s that?” “Nothing!” The filly smiled pleasantly. “So what’s the plan?” “Well…” Sky explained, pulling the book out from under her wing and popping it open for Shadow. “There’s a thing in here called the scientific method. That’s where you’ve got an idea of what’ll happen, and then you experiment a bunch of times to see it works, and then you come up with a theory.” She fluttered her wings excitedly. “So...like, my hypothesis is that if I knock on Carbon’s door tonight dressed up as something that Carbon would bond with, then he’ll tie me up and fuck me like an animal all night long!” “Wow…” Shadow glared at Sky. There really was no talking to that mare while she was this horny. She did the most ridiculous stupid shit. “I guess you’ve got it all worked out, huh? So what bonds with carbon?” “Actually, a lot of stuff…” Sky’s ears splayed back as she looked over the Periodic Table. “Um...carbon’s kind of a massive slut...almost as bad as this hydrogen bitch. She really gets around…” “Don’t know anypony like her.” “Yeah...hey...I’ve got an idea…” “Oh Luna, what?” “What if I dress up as hydrogen and try and bond with him that way?” Sky gave an excited little squee. “But...but I’ll find the biggest chemical compound with hydrogen and carbon in it! That way, he’ll be so impressed that he’ll probably do anything I tell him!” “Wo...wow sis, you’ve really got this figured out, haven’t you?” Shadow sighed resignedly. She just couldn’t bear to let something like logic or common sense get in the way of her sister’s fun...or libido. “It’s the lab coat.” Sky nodded confidently. “It makes me good enough at science to come up with ideas as good as this one.” “You ever consider...you know...asking him if he wants to shag you, instead of going to all this trouble?” “Oh Shadow.” Sky smiled, ruffling her little sister’s mane. “When you want a stallion to have sex with you, you can’t just go up to them, kiss them and then drag them into the closet by the tail. You’ve gotta have some finesse, do something special for them…” “Sky...that’s how you make mares do it.” Shadow ventured nervously. “Have you been huffing the blue formula again?” “No...well yes, but that’s not the point…” Sky grinned. “I just know that this is gonna work, and Carbon’s gonna be super-impressed, and I’ll have the best Nightmare Night ever!” She bounced up and down, so excited about her ridiculously elaborate plan that Shadow simply didn’t have the heart to tell her off anymore. “So what are you gonna try first?” Shadow cocked her head, looking down at the book. “I guess I’ll start with...ooh, methane!” Sky nodded, turning the page and spotting a fun-looking molecular diagram. “It’s kind of what’d happen if I got five minutes with the Mirror Pond anyway, right?” “What, a great big hydrogen gangbang with Carbon caught in the middle of it all?” “Exactly.” Sky grinned. “Besides, methane’s kinda simple, but it might be sciencey enough that Carbon’s impressed by it. What do you think?” “Well...he’s definitely gonna be surprised.” Shadow scratched the back of her head apprehensively. “So, you’ve got a plan, I guess. Are you just gonna follow him around trying different things all day?” “No! Come on, Shadow. I’d never do a thing like that.” “Oh thank fuck, because I was gonna say, that’d be creepy…” Shadow began. “I pinched his journal last night too! It’s got his day plan written in it, so I can just happen to show up at the same place as him and just happen to be dressed up as a bunch of different compounds!” “Aaaand there’s the creepiness.” Shadow sighed. “So according to this, he’s gonna be at the marketplace in ten minutes! I’m gonna get ready!” Sky couldn’t help but squee as she bounded off, giddy on hormones and some chemicals that she probably shouldn’t have inhaled. Shadow sat there in silence for a moment, before trotting back up into her room to start work on her own costume. “Maybe I’ll be a ghost this year!” She fluttered her wings excitedly, taking a pair of scissors to one of her white blankets. One way or another, this was going to be one hell of a Nightmare Night. MethaneCarbon had really done nothing to deserve this. He did try his best to be a good pony, and couldn’t recall knocking over any enchanted artifacts, or otherwise inviting ancient and terrible curses upon him. Nevertheless, here he stood, accosted by Sky Runner, wearing two pieces of paper over her cutie marks. Upon them was scrawled “4H” in black marker. “Hey Carbon.” She smiled sweetly, flapping her wings as she approached him. There was something overall predatory about her expression and gait. It wasn’t some unholy mix between a trot and a prowl. “Uh...hey…” Carbon replied anxiously, backing up with more than a little nervousness. His flanks bumped against a market stall, leaving him trapped between a pony and a hard place. “Do you know what I am?” She grinned evilly, biting her lip a little as she took his forehooves in her own. She had a vice-like grip that seemed impossible for a pony her size, and there was something about her apparent apathy for the ponies gathered in the marketplace around her that gave Carbon a deep sense of foreboding. “Um...scaring me?” He ventured, gulping. The look on Sky’s face was making his wings feel weirdly warm. Her breathing was far deeper and more deliberate than it should be. Sky gave a particularly loud laugh that turned a few heads in the nearby market stalls. Some of the mares sighed understandingly, realising just what time of year it must be, but the stallions looked on with confusion and a few mutters of “That bitch must be crazy.” “Oh Carbon, you’re so silly!” Sky giggled, nuzzling his neck and gazing at him through half-lidded eyes. “Don’t you know basic chemistry? I’m only a little compound called tetrahydridocarbon! That’s science for methane!” She added with a particularly loud whisper. “Is that why you’ve got that scribbled on your ass?” Carbon cocked his head, somewhat suicidally going into “lecture Sky about chemistry mode.” “You know you’re missing a C, right?” “I guess I am…” Sky giggled, rubbing her chest against him a little as she raised her head to whisper in his ear. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find a Carbon to bond with, would you?” “You know those glasses you’re wearing don’t even have lenses, right?” He gulped weakly. Sky pulled back and pouted as hard as she could, before starting to repeatedly bump his chest and neck with her muzzle. “Come ooooon, bond with me already!” “Um, Sky...you haven’t joined any cults lately, have you?” “Well, I did pick up this one book lately, and it tells me all about the wonderful things that I can do with you…” Sky giggled a little maniacally, rubbing one of her forehooves over his cheek. “Ooookay…” He gave the smallest reluctant squeak, willing his wings to stay down by his sides as he looked into her hungry eyes. “Well look, I’ve kind of...got somewhere to be right now, so I’ll see you around Sky, okay?” He sidled his way past her, before galloping off as fast as legs could carry him. Why the hell isn’t he tackling me? Is he really that oblivious, or am I not a complicated enough compound? Sky thought to herself, frowning internally. She could see it in his eyes. He wanted her and she knew it, but maybe he wasn’t certain that she’d be a good mate. Clearly she had to try harder. “Smooth, casanova.” Shadow commented from atop a nearby stall. She was cunningly hidden amidst some life-sized plushies, giggling at Sky triumphantly. “Hey, I totally had him in the bag!” Sky replied reproachfully. “I just...wasn’t a complicated enough compound, okay? There’s no way he could resist me if I was something with more hydrogens in it! Nothing’s sexier than hydrogen!” “If you say so.” Shadow deadpanned after a while. “Um...sis?” “Yeah?” “You’re doing the hyperventilating thing again.” “I was SO CLOSE!” Sky shrieked, bouncing up and down and flapping her wings irritably, to confused glances from all the assembled ponies. This was starting to turn into a pretty decent show. “What’s the matter with me? I’m not ugly, am I?” “I dunno, maybe methane’s just not a very sexy compound.” Shadow shrugged. “You’re right!” Sky barked. “Quick, give me the book again!” Shadow tossed it over. “There you go...probably not the last time somepony’s gonna throw the book at you today at the rate you’re going…” “What was that?” “Nothing.” Shadow gave an innocent little squee. “So what do you think you’ll go as next?” “Well, he clearly wants me to be something sexier, but what?” She gave an unconscious little giggle as she flipped through the book, before squealing loudly. “Shadow, I’ve found it!” “No sis, you’ve lost it.” Shadow sighed. “I mean I’ve found what I’m gonna go as! Carbon said ‘see you round,’ right? Well what if he meant that I should be something cyclic?” “I’m sure he’d prefer it to psycho…” “Well look at this!” Sky grinned thrusting the book into Shadow’s face and nearly braining her. “Benzene.” She said simply. “It’s hexagonal.” “But it’s also kind of round!” Sky beamed, fluttering her wings excitedly as she bounced up and down. “It’s perfect! If I dress up as benzene, Carbon’ll jump my bones before you can say hydrodealkylation!” “Hydrode...hydra...hid...I’ll take your word for it.” Shadow rolled her eyes, more than a little exasperated. “So you’re sure that he wasn’t just a little intimidated by the idea of you jumping on top of him and fucking his brains out in the middle of the damn marketplace?” “What’s your point?” “My point is that maybe you want to ask him in private whether he wants to fuck you, and when he says yes, because you’d stick him with a lust dart like you always fucking do, you’ll save yourself a lot of effort.” Shadow exhaled, flopping down onto the counter and glaring up at her big sister. “Oh Shadow!” Sky beamed, ruffling her sister’s mane. “If it was that easy, anypony could do it! Attracting a stallion is a subtle science. You’ve gotta be really careful and intricate about it. You can’t just trot up to them and yell “Hey, wanna fuck?” It doesn’t work that way!” This coaxed a few disbelieving chuckles from all the married stallions present.Their wives quickly slapped them back into line. “Sis, your eyes are kinda pointing in different directions…” Shadow cocked her head, concerned. “No time for that now, sweetie! I’ve gotta do science!” Sky giggled madly, starting to half-gallop, half-bounce back to her hideout. “Fuck me…” Shadow sighed, hopping off of the counter and following behind at a distance. “If this is what adulthood’s like, then I don’t wanna grow up.” BenzeneLightning struck the tower as early afternoon settled over Canterlot, and a mad cackling erupted from within. Shadow trotted down the stairs, expecting to find the entire room full of smoke again. She was wearing a little blanket over her head, with four holes cut for her eyes and ears. All told, she’d look far scarier if she didn’t have two soft, slightly floppy ears poking out. Shadow, it seemed, made for a poor harbinger of death. “What is it this time?” She sighed, pushing open the door and recoiling almost instantly. “Oh Luna-fucking-damn it, SIS!” “Shadow! What’ve I said about knocking?” Sky huffed, pulling her lab coat down over her flanks again, covering her shame. Her mane was far more matted and untidy than normal, and that was saying something. It looked like she’d stuck her hoof in the mains at least once since the incident at the marketplace. Of course, Shadow thought to herself, she probably has. “Nice costume.” Sky grinned, looking ghost-Shadow up and down. “You too.” Shadow giggled a little. “Um...are you sure you’re supposed to wear safety goggles and glasses at the same time?” “Probably not!” Sky shrugged, trotting in circles a few times before stopping to rub her forehooves together. “Still fixated on getting Carbon in the sack?” Shadow guessed. “I can offer a few tips if you like.” “Tips?” Sky turned around. Her pupils dilated slightly, and Shadow recoiled again. “Ooookay, that was creepy.” She chuckled nervously. “Um...well you know what colts really like? Surprises! I mean, you already tried just walking up to him when you were dressed as methane, right? Well, what if you kind of gave him a shock this time? You know, pop up while you’re dressed as benzene. He’ll be so surprised and overwhelmed that he has to sleep with you!” “Shadow...you’re a genius!” Sky giggled, bouncing up and down with excitement. Her wings had somehow found a way to become even more untidy and unpreened. “Aw, come on sis, you know I’ve got your back!” She gave an easy smile, waving her hoof dismissively. “Don’t even mention it!” Sky beamed at her little sister, her current insanity and hormonal overload blinding her to the way the filly’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Well, I owe you one!” She grabbed Carbon’s day planner and leafed through it, grinning as she reached today’s page. “Ooooh, he’s at home right now! There’s tons of ways to give somepony a fright at home!” “Go for it. Trust me, this is 100% guaranteed to get you laid!” Shadow grinned, patting her sister on the flank. “Go on! You don’t wanna miss him, do you?” Sky’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, you’re right! Thanks Shadow!” And with that, she kissed the filly on the cheek and leapt off of her balcony. Shadow sat there in silence for a time, blinking and staring at the wall as she listened to the various crashes and galloping noises that heralded her sister’s departure. When she was certain that she was alone, she pulled the sheet off of her head, cackling madly. This was going to be fun. * * * “Caaaaaarboooooon…” Came an eerie, ominous voice. Carbon sat up on the couch, staring around with his ears perked. That certainly didn’t sound like Lilo. It was somehow more dissonant, more desperate, more...scary. “Caaaaarboooooon…” whispered the voice again. “Come out and plaaaaay with meeeeee…” Carbon was all of a sudden very aware of how dark it was in the living room. “Li...Lilo?” He yelped, before clapping his hooves over his mouth. That had come out at a much higher octave than he’d meant it to. Suddenly, there came a very loud thud, coaxing an incredibly girly squeal out of Carbon. His eyes darted around the room, searching for the source of the noise. “Lilo...help?” He squeaked, wrapping his tail around his forelegs and hunkering down. Over time, however, the voice died away completely. There was nothing left but Carbon, a dark room and the sound of the rain outside. Carbon, however, was no alumnus of the “What Not To Do In A Horror Movie” class of ‘84, and as the afternoon began to wear on, it struck him that he hadn’t yet showered. Getting to his hooves, he gave the living room one last cursory glance before trotting up the stairs, grabbing a towel and retreating into the bathroom. Sky grinned as she unzipped the sofa cushion she’d been hiding inside, eyes drifting out of alignment again as she giggled madly. She could hear the shower running upstairs, knew that even if he was listening that there was no way that he’d be able to hear her coming. Nonetheless, she crept as quietly as she could up the stairs, licking her lips as she began to pick the bathroom’s lock. He’s gonna be mine...he’s gonna be all mine… Sky giggled quietly as she jiggled the tumblers into place, sliding her tongue into the barrel of the lock and twisting it open. Perfect. She giggled as she heard Carbon singing in the shower, hidden from view behind a translucent curtain. Sky crept into the bathroom, slowly closing the door behind her, quietly singing along to the Table of Elements Song. The little white mare, clad in her safety goggles and lab coat, stopped just short of the shower, licking her lips and wiggling her flanks like a predator about to pounce on its prey. “HEY CARBON!” She yelled, pulling the shower curtain aside and grinning merrily. Carbon gave a very girly shriek indeed, slipping over onto his flanks and backing right up into the corner. “WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU...oh, damn it Sky!” He whimpered, shivering with fright. “Awww, look at you! You’re all cold!” Sky pouted, clambering into the shower with him and nuzzling his cheek, giggling quietly. Her eye twitched a little. “I’m not cold...you just...startled me...and...erm...are you all right?” He shuffled over to the opposite side of the shower, eyes so wide that they were in danger of dropping out of his head. “Oh, I’m better than all right…” Sky giggled, trotting up to him and booping his nose. She turned her tail on him, before pulling her lap coat up. There were six letter “H”’s arranged around her plot, drawn in the same black marker. “I’m benzene!” She announced proudly, pressing her flanks against him. “Um...very creative Sky, but...that’s just a ring of hydrogens…” “I know!” Sky giggled, turning around and pressing her muzzle against Carbon’s. “You know, it’s only benzene if there’s a Carbon in the middle of the hydrogen ring…” “Actually, there’s a smaller...ring...of…carbons…in there…” He put in weakly. “Details details! What matters here Carbon...my dear sweet Carbon...is that it’s up to you to fill in the middle of the ring…” Sky grinned, putting a forehoof on his chest and beginning to gently run it through his wet fur. “You...what, now?” He gazed up at her wild eyes with sheer terror. “Come on Carbon, I’ve got some electron pairs that you’ll just love...” Sky whispered. “Okay, this is kind of getting creepy...um...Lilo?” Carbon yelped, hooves slipping on the tiled floor as he backed right up against the door. “It’s not going to work, Carbon.” Sky giggled madly, advancing on him. “Your little waifu’s out on the town at the moment. It’s just you and me here, and you’re MINE! ALL MINE!” And with that, she wiggled her flanks and took a leap, tackling the poor hapless stallion to the floor. Aperture Science“Anyway, it turns out Lilo was home earlier than I thought. That changeling’s got a pretty decent swing when it comes down to it. So she called the guards and I had to leg it.” Sky sighed in frustration. “Okay, that explains that.” Shadow nodded understandingly. “So what does that have to do with the skirt you’re defacing?” Sky looked down at the white cotton skirt that she’d been holding for about ten minutes now. “Well, I was thinking that maybe I’d do something with it...like...I dunno, I’m out of ideas.” She slumped to the floor, defeated. “Sis…” Shadow sighed, laying down on the floor by her side. “You know why you’re so fucking loopy right now, don’t you?” “Because I want Carbon’s cock?” Sky gave Shadow the hopeful smile of a pony who’s pretty sure that they’ve given the wrong answer. “No, sis.” Shadow deadpanned, before pulling out a biology book and sitting back. “You’re going through something called heat, or oestrus, and it’s something that’s perfectly natural and normal for all mares...of course, most mares aren’t massive sluts to begin with.” Sky nodded, idly leaning across and slapping Shadow around the back of the head. “Wait...did you say oestrus?” She started, locking eyes with Shadow. “Yeah, like being super horny…” Shadow began, but Sky wasn’t listening to her, pulling out the chemistry book again and leafing through it. “Esters.” Sky grinned evilly, looking up at Shadow. “Esters are perfect! They’re stupidly big, they’ve got retarded names and they need carbon to work! They’re the perfect compound!” “Aaaaaand you’ve trotted off down Crazy Lane again.” Shadow rolled her eyes. “Hello? Earth to Sky? If you’re gonna keep doing this, can you at least take some friendly advice?” “I dunno, is it gonna get me beaten up by a changeling again?” Sky cocked her head, frowning. “No...come here, give me that…” Shadow yanked the book out of Sky’s hooves, looking over the page. “Well...esters are used to make things smell and taste nice, so what if, instead of jumping out at ponies and incurring the wrath of their wives, you dab on a bit of perfume and wear something nice and just...I dunno...play it sweet?” “I guess I could go as Benzyl Acetate…” Sky frowned, sticking her tongue out with concentration. “That means I’d be wearing something strawberry-scented. Hey Shadow, pass me your strawberry perfume!” “Sure, sis! I…” Shadow froze halfway through pulling it out of her saddlebag, looking at the bottle, then up at Sky. “Busted.” Sky giggled, yanking it out of Shadow’s hooves as well. “I...it’s not mine!” Shadow squeaked, reaching out for it with a hint of desperation. “Somepony must’ve switched my saddlebags with someone else’s! I...don’t use perfume!” “Suuuure you don’t!” Sky laughed, spraying some of it on her neck. “Come on, admit it, there’s a colt or two you’ve been looking at, right?” “N...no! Fuck you! I just wanted to know what it was like, all right?” Shadow squeaked defensively, going about as red as her big sister’s mane and tucking her head under her wing. “Yahuh. Seriously, who is he?” Sky smiled triumphantly, starting to scrawl on the skirt in marker as her little sister squirmed. “He’s...nopony, okay? He’s just a guy I saw in the marketplace...and...I thought maybe I’d...say hi to him tonight…” Shadow whimpered, looking down at the floor. “Hey.” Sky beamed, pausing her work and putting a hoof under Shadow’s chin. “I bet you’ll be the prettiest mare in the city. He’d be mad not to like you.” “You do realise that I’m gonna be wearing a sheet over my head, right?” Shadow frowned. “Exactly. It’ll help disguise your ugly mug.” Sky winked, ruffling her mane. “Ack! Fuck off, sis!” Shadow giggled, slapping Sky’s hoof away before sighing happily. “Thanks. I’m...I’m gonna get ready.” Shadow was exuding pure confidence, but as she got to her hooves and trotted off (pinching the perfume bottle back in the process) Sky could’ve sworn that she could see the filly’s legs wobbling a little. “Now...time for me to say hi to a lucky colt…” Sky grinned evilly, slipping her safety goggles on again. * * * Thump thump thump! Carbon was almost too terrified to get up off of the sofa by this point. The random encounters that he’d been victim to today had been trying his sanity, and he didn’t want to risk another encounter with the world’s craziest mare. Then again, thought he, it might be some harmless trick-or-treaters. There was a slightly high-pitched giggle from just outside. Nope, nevermind. It’s Sky. Carbon sighed, looking at the ceiling for a moment and asking no deity in particular what he had done to deserve this. He wasn’t a bad pony. There was no way that this was his fault. Surely you had to do something pretty significant to invite the wrath of a mad mare. Unfortunately, his silent pleading had given Sky the time she needed to pick his lock and let herself in. Carbon looked over at his front door, the two of them locking eyes for a moment before Sky gave him a shaky smile. “Um...hey.” She said simply, trotting up to him with shining blue eyes. She seemed to be trying to wear the skirt and the lab coat at the same time, which while not impossible, didn’t create an overall good image when combined with her hipster glasses and safety goggles. Sky, it seemed, was not a mentally stable mare. Carbon recoiled a little. “Um...hey yourself. So...are you going to...you know...jump me again?” “Definitely!” Sky beamed, nodding brightly as she hopped up onto the couch again. “Um...I came as Benzyl Acetate...I smell like strawberries!” She leaned over so that Carbon could smell her, smiling hopefully. “Sky...what’s this about?” Carbon sighed, looking her up and down, She’d drawn the chemical diagram for Benzyl Acetate all over the skirt. She was missing the benzene ring, of course, but he could hazard a guess as to where it was. “Well...I’m...super-duper horny right now, and...I kinda wanted you to plow me...and I learned science so that you’d...be...impressed…” Sky chuckled, fiddling with her hooves awkwardly, going a little pink. “Erm...I kinda wanted to woo you with how much chemistry I’ve learned...but I guess I came across as just the tiniest bit crazy, huh?” “You don’t say.” Carbon sighed. “Sky, did you really go to all of that effort just so I’d sleep with you?” “Mhmm…” Sky nodded, looking down at her hooves. It started off as the tiniest noise in the back of Carbon’s throat, and over time, it grew, from a chuckle to outright laughter. Sky looked across at him, panic-stricken. Oh Luna, I’ve gone and broken him… “Um...Carbon, are you okay?” “You...were just trying to get me in the sack...all this time?” Carbon laughed, wiping his eyes with relief. “And you learned chemistry...to impress me…” Sky cocked her head, just the tiniest bit offended by his outburst. “Yeeeeeah, so?” “That’s the...the most adorable thing...I’ve ever...ever seen…” he whimpered, beaming at her. Sky was truly taken aback, not sure whether to sleep dart him, smack him upside the head or just wait to see what happened. As it turned out, as soon as the laughter wore off, Carbon pounced on her, tackling her off of the couch onto the floor. He stared down at her, still panting a little, his expression just a little bit wilder. “All right...I’ll make you a deal. Listening?” He grinned. Sky tried to say something, but the words simply wouldn’t come. She settled for nodding enthusiastically instead. “I’ll fuck you, just like you wanted, on one condition.” He pressed a forehoof to her nose. “Don’t ever try to impress me again.” Sky rolled her eyes, taking his hoof in her own. “Deal.” Sky wrapped her hooves around the back of Carbon’s head, pulling his head down and kissing him fiercely. She pushed her tongue past his lips, playing with his own as she began to grind against him. Carbon reached down, pulling her skirt up past her hips and grabbing her flank, coaxing a muffled moan out of the small mare. Both pegasi could feel their wings growing hotter, Sky’s own starting to reluctantly spread out. She groaned softly as the feathers dragged against the carpet, giving her an adorable, lopsided look. Carbon pulled away, smiling down her fondly as she panted and whimpered beneath him. “As cute as they look on you, those things have to come off.” He whispered, pulling her safety goggles and glasses off. “Oh no! Now how am I gonna do science?” Sky giggled, reaching down and lifting her skirt out of the way for him. “Somehow...I think I’ll live.” Carbon chuckled, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers once more, before kissing down her neck. His own wings splayed out with an audible “pomf.” Sky could feel his cock pressing against her stomach, grinning up at him with a kind of silent understanding. Carbon pushed her down onto the floor again, shifting back just a little as he kept his forehooves on her shoulders. The head of his member pressed against the folds of her marehood. Sky gave the most terrified little squeak. “Co...come on...please…” She whispered, nodding with desperation. He’s not gonna do it, is he? He’s gonna tease me and leave me hanging...oh, that’d be the most terrible thing ever… Fortunately for Sky, and Carbon’s wellbeing in general, he wasn’t that mean. With one last kiss on her muzzle, he pushed in, driving his cock deep inside her. Sky’s forehooves dug into the carpet, bracing herself and moaning out as the stallion hilted himself inside of her. “How’s that?” He whispered down at her. Sky said nothing, too focussed on trying to breathe properly. Instead, she gave a shaky nod, her mouth hanging open like an idiot. Carbon started to thrust, keeping his pace slow at first. His breathing was heavy and laboured, sounding more like a growl than anything else, and Sky gave a little squeak each time he shunted into her. Her whole body shook as he started to pick up the pace, her wings twitching and flapping under his ministrations. “Ah...fucking...hell…” She whimpered, wrapping her forelegs around the back of his neck and biting down on his shoulder as she was pushed over the edge. Sky came hard, her whole body cramping up and forcing her to bite down harder. She could only moan and whimper as he fucked her ever harder, settling into a pace that was comfortable for him. Sky shuddered as she came a second time, squeezing him tightly and beating her wings desperately. She couldn’t even feel the pain from her injured limb anymore. All she could feel was his hot breath on her shoulder, the sensation of him pounding her harder than she’d ever been taken in her life, and the overwhelming satisfaction that came with it. Tonight had been worth all of the false starts and experimentation. After a time, Carbon started to slow down. Sky opened her eyes, trying to beg for him to keep going, but it became apparent that he was still ready and willing. He pulled away, just a little, so that Sky could turn around and let him fuck her from behind. As Carbon started to thrust into her again, Sky pressed her flanks back against his hips, Her tongue hung out of her mouth as he started pounding her harder than ever, each thrust coaxing a happy whimper from Sky. There was something so feral, so wild about the way he fucked her, and she loved it. “Sky...I’m...cumming…” Carbon panted in her ear, jolting her back to the here and now. She pulled away, letting his shoulder go so that she could look up into his eyes. “Go...go for it…” she whispered back, giving him a lopsided smile. She held on as tightly as she could as Carbon canted his head back, crying out as he finished inside her, hilting himself in her once more before he filled her up with his seed. Sky cried out with him, clutching him tight and shaking as her body was exposed to the incredible warmth. With a sense of victorious finality, she collapsed back onto the floor, pulling him down on top of her. “That...was...more...like...it…” Sky chuckled, holding him close. “So...I don’t...have...to..do chemistry...again?” “Please…please never do chemistry again.” Carbon pleaded, relaxing atop her. “You know...in future...you can just ask...right?” Sky closed her eyes. “So I...went...to all that trouble...for nothing?” “Kind of.” She lay back, breathing deeply and wrapping her wings around him. “Bollocks.” EpilogueSky limped out onto the street, her clothes a little torn and roughed up, even for a pony who’d been running around and wrecking scientific equipment all day long. Nevertheless, she was satisfied. Barely able to walk, but satisfied. “It worked, then.” Came a voice from just overhead. Sky looked up and spotted Shadow sitting in a tree, the tattered remains of her ghost costume hanging about her body. Her saddlebags were laden with candy, and not all of it looked like it had originally belonged to her. “Yeah, it worked.” Sky nodded, grinning. Her expression was one of absolutely glowing satisfaction. “How’d it go with that cute little colt you had your eye on?” “It went great!” Shadow nodded, beaming. “I walked up to him and then we talked for a bit. He was kind of absent but he had some nice stuff to say.” “So where is he now?” Sky cocked her head, beaming. “Oh, I let him get real close to me, and I said I liked him a lot, and he said he liked me too…” Shadow fiddled with her forehooves, going pink and trailing off. “Come on sis, don’t leave me hanging! Did you guys kiss or what?” “Well...nearly...but then I pushed him in the mud and ran off with all his candy.” Shadow smiled bashfully. “You know, just like you taught me.” Sky giggled, before beaming up at her little sister with pride. “That’s my girl.” She held out her forehooves, and Shadow fluttered down into them, embracing the elder pony in a tight cuddle. “I’m glad you’re not a complete fucking loony anymore.” Shadow whispered quietly. She pulled away when she heard a little rustling coming from Sky’s lab coat pockets. “Hey...where did you get candy?” “Carbon had a whole bowl full of it by his front door in case of trick or treaters.” Sky shrugged. “Wow, he’s gonna be screwed if anypony comes and asks for candy.” Shadow giggled, letting Sky wrap her wing around her. “Yeah, well it serves him right for not picking up on my subtle hints.” “I dunno, I know I’d have trouble picking up on hints while I was fearing for my anal circumference.” Shadow chuckled. “So is that it, sis? No more sex-crazed mad science?” Sky grinned down at her sister. “For now, maybe.” “I’m gonna get you committed one of these days, you mad bitch.” “Hey, don’t even joke about making me commit to something.” Sky bumped Shadow’s flank with her own. “Now come on kid, let’s go and scare the shit out of some trick or treaters.” And with that, the two sisters wrapped their wings around each other, trotting away into the city to cause a little more mischief.
A Textbook HeistSky popped the lock on Carbon’s window and let herself in out of the cold. “Brrrrr!” She squeaked, shivering a little as she closed it behind her, looking around the dark living room and taking stock. Carbon was passed out on his couch, just across from his fireplace. A few dying embers brought a little illumination to the room, bathing everything in an orange half-light. Sky was relatively certain that he’d mistake her for an axe-murderer if he woke up right now. Something about pissing off a pony who she knew for a fact kept a dagger about him wasn’t exactly appealing to her right now. Besides, she wasn’t there for him. Not yet, anyway. “This plan is stupidly overcomplicated, sis.” Shadow commented, sitting down on the couch next to Carbon. “Exactly!” Sky whispered back, creeping around behind him. “So it’s gotta work, right?” “If you say so.” The younger pony shrugged, unconvinced. She settled down next to the stallion and started gently playing with his ears, “I’m sorry Carbon. Sky’s bloody bonkers.” Sky considered getting into an argument with her little sister, but figured that this was neither the time nor the place. Besides, she was technically correct. Sky was, in every sense, a homewrecker. If she wasn’t pinching everything that wasn’t nailed down, she was ruining all kinds of relationships. However, when it came to Carbon, she had no interest whatsoever in ruining what he and Lilo had together. Those two were in love, and she accepted that. He’d at least been nice to Sky once he’d learned to keep his wingboners to himself, and that was more than most stallions really did for her. His attitude had earned him a place on Sky’s incredibly short “Do Not Fuck These Ponies’ Lives Up” list. Besides, she was crap at dates. Right now, Sky was interested in only one thing: sex. The last few days had been downright torturous for her, a period during which she’d been inexplicably horny but unable to do anything about it. It was agonising, and Sky could barely take any more. Not even that big dragon dildo she kept under her floorboards was really doing it for her anymore. Perhaps her mind wasn’t working properly, her thought processes dulled by hormones, but she knew only three things right now: She needed a stallion to shag her, that stallion had to be Carbon, and the only way she was going to convince him to do that would be to woo him with her incredible command of all things scientific. There was just one problem. She was crap at science. “Where do ponies like him keep these things, anyway?” Sky asked, starting to rummage around through Carbon’s cupboards and drawers. “What the hell do I look like, a science pony?” Shadow deadpanned. “Go check to see if he has a study or something.” Sky huffed, dancing from one pair of hooves to the other restlessly. This is bloody well killing me… Shadow waited until Sky had irritably trotted out of the room before getting back to work, “Happy, sad, happy, sad…” She giggled softly, pushing his ears back before pulling them up again. Sky crept silently down the hall, just as wary of Lilo as she’d been about Carbon. Just because the changeling seemed shy and kind didn’t mean that she wouldn’t bust out any hitherto-unseen kung-fu expertise. She’d learned that one the hard way that one time she’d visited Shanghay. Sky stopped as she spotted a door that still had light shining out from underneath it. Placing her ear to it to make sure that nopony was moving on the other side, she twisted the knob and pushed, letting herself in. “Jackpot.” The room was filled with various textbooks and academic journals, piled up high in neat organised piles. It was a veritable fountain of knowledge, enough scientific knowledge to sustain even the most curious researcher. Sky, however, felt herself overcome with the same feeling she got when the teacher used to assign homework. “Awwww, Luna-fucking-damn-it, I don’t wanna read all of this shit!” She whined, flopping onto her back. She gazed up at the pile as another pony would look up at the world’s most unclimbable mountain. Just go find something that looks super-complicated and then go from there. Come on Sky, this is for a good cause and you know it! “Ugh…” She huffed, yanking a book out of the pile at random. The entire pile wobbled before collapsing on top of her like the most uncooperative game of Jenga on earth. A series of loud thuds and yelps echoed across the whole house. “Fuck, what’s that bitch doing?” Shadow huffed, ears perking. She gave a frightened little squeak as Carbon stirred. “Oh no...oh no...erm…” Thinking on her feet, the filly began to gently stroke his mane, whispering the only lullaby she knew. ”Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little Carbon…” Shadow sang softly, cursing her big sister’s name and silently vowing revenge. ”Please don’t wake up, cause you’ll kill us, and I don’t wanna die…” In time, Carbon’s expression softened, and he once again drifted off into his deep, warm slumber. Shadow planted her lips on his cheek gently, kissing him goodnight. Sky dashed into the living room again, triumphantly holding the biggest textbook and grinning. “Satisfied?” Shadow glared at her. “I will be soon.” Sky giggled evilly. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” “Hang on! Wanna see something cool first?” Shadow piped up, taking Carbon’s ears in her forehooves again, starting to wiggle them around. “Check it out! Happy...sad...confused…” “What in the name of Luna’s blue-darted bollocks are you doing!” Sky squeaked, terrified. She darted forward to bat Shadow off of him, but in her haste, she managed to sock him in the nose. That woke him up, all right. There was a moment where the three ponies stared at one another, wide-eyed. Carbon took in Sky’s manic expression, the thick book tucked under her wing, her presence in his house, and responded as almost anypony would in this situation. “What the fuck.” “CHEESE IT, SHADOW!” Sky yelped, doing an about turn and charging at the window. She slammed into it, fiddling with the lock for a few moments before flinging it open and diving out into the night. Shadow followed a moment later, pausing for only a moment to look back at him apologetically. “Sorry Carbon, she’s on heat right now. Life’s about to get really interesting for you.” She sighed, before taking flight. The poor hapless stallion was left in solitary confusion. the sound of Sky’s victorious cackling fading into the distance. “You’re fucking mad. I hope you realise that!” Shadow half-chuckled, flying alongside Sky as the mare picked up speed. “Maybe…” Sky grinned, skidding around the corner and starting to gallop down the street. “But this plan’s bound to work. I just know it.”
Glasses Make You SmarterShadow trotted downstairs for breakfast, before collapsing in a fit of spluttering and coughing. It appeared as if the living room was filled with thick black smoke. Whatever it was, Shadow was relatively certain that she shouldn’t be breathing it in. “What the fuck, sis?” She squeaked, gasping for air and scrambling back up the stairs. “Did you set the fucking tower or what?” Just then, the sound of mad cackling crept up the stairs, one that was meant to chill the soul and give everypony goosebumps. It was a laugh that belonged to the maddest of mad scientists. Or, in this case, a mare on heat who thought she was a hell of a lot smarter than she really was. “MWAHAHAHAohbollocks…” Sky’s mad laughter descended into a coughing fit as she breathed it in as well, stumbling out of the room and faceplanting on the stairs. As Shadow opened her eyes, she took in her sister’s fairly ridiculous attire. Sky’s mane was slightly scorched, and she was wearing a lab coat with what looked like the biggest pair of glasses that she’d been able to find. “What the fuck are you wearing?” Shadow sighed, tapping her hoof irritably. It was hard to look pissed off when you were as fluffy as Shadow was, but she put in the extra effort for her sister. “Um...sciencey stuff?” Sky shrugged, dragging herself up the stairs and flapping her good wing to waft away the smoke. “You look ridiculous.” The filly deadpanned. “Seriously, you picked up that book last night and you’ve already managed to set the fucking tower on fire?” “It’s not on fire!” Sky said defensively, raising her forehooves. “It’s just...I poured some stuff in these two beakers together, and there was all this smoke, but the important thing is that I made science happen!” She beamed at her little sister with pure optimism. Shadow sighed with exasperation. “So what’s with the get-up?” “Well, apparently when you do science, you’ve gotta wear a lab coat.” Sky nodded confidently. “And these glasses just seemed kinda neat.” “They don’t even have lenses.” “So?” “You look like one of those ponies who wears scarves in summer and spends all day writing shitty articles for the newspaper.” Shadow cocked her head. “You really think that this is gonna get Carbon to sleep with you?” “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.” Sky nodded, grinning. “I’m formulating a foolproof plan that’s guaranteed to get him to shag me!” “Just as well it’s foolproof…” Shadow muttered to herself, rolling her eyes. “What’s that?” “Nothing!” The filly smiled pleasantly. “So what’s the plan?” “Well…” Sky explained, pulling the book out from under her wing and popping it open for Shadow. “There’s a thing in here called the scientific method. That’s where you’ve got an idea of what’ll happen, and then you experiment a bunch of times to see it works, and then you come up with a theory.” She fluttered her wings excitedly. “So...like, my hypothesis is that if I knock on Carbon’s door tonight dressed up as something that Carbon would bond with, then he’ll tie me up and fuck me like an animal all night long!” “Wow…” Shadow glared at Sky. There really was no talking to that mare while she was this horny. She did the most ridiculous stupid shit. “I guess you’ve got it all worked out, huh? So what bonds with carbon?” “Actually, a lot of stuff…” Sky’s ears splayed back as she looked over the Periodic Table. “Um...carbon’s kind of a massive slut...almost as bad as this hydrogen bitch. She really gets around…” “Don’t know anypony like her.” “Yeah...hey...I’ve got an idea…” “Oh Luna, what?” “What if I dress up as hydrogen and try and bond with him that way?” Sky gave an excited little squee. “But...but I’ll find the biggest chemical compound with hydrogen and carbon in it! That way, he’ll be so impressed that he’ll probably do anything I tell him!” “Wo...wow sis, you’ve really got this figured out, haven’t you?” Shadow sighed resignedly. She just couldn’t bear to let something like logic or common sense get in the way of her sister’s fun...or libido. “It’s the lab coat.” Sky nodded confidently. “It makes me good enough at science to come up with ideas as good as this one.” “You ever consider...you know...asking him if he wants to shag you, instead of going to all this trouble?” “Oh Shadow.” Sky smiled, ruffling her little sister’s mane. “When you want a stallion to have sex with you, you can’t just go up to them, kiss them and then drag them into the closet by the tail. You’ve gotta have some finesse, do something special for them…” “Sky...that’s how you make mares do it.” Shadow ventured nervously. “Have you been huffing the blue formula again?” “No...well yes, but that’s not the point…” Sky grinned. “I just know that this is gonna work, and Carbon’s gonna be super-impressed, and I’ll have the best Nightmare Night ever!” She bounced up and down, so excited about her ridiculously elaborate plan that Shadow simply didn’t have the heart to tell her off anymore. “So what are you gonna try first?” Shadow cocked her head, looking down at the book. “I guess I’ll start with...ooh, methane!” Sky nodded, turning the page and spotting a fun-looking molecular diagram. “It’s kind of what’d happen if I got five minutes with the Mirror Pond anyway, right?” “What, a great big hydrogen gangbang with Carbon caught in the middle of it all?” “Exactly.” Sky grinned. “Besides, methane’s kinda simple, but it might be sciencey enough that Carbon’s impressed by it. What do you think?” “Well...he’s definitely gonna be surprised.” Shadow scratched the back of her head apprehensively. “So, you’ve got a plan, I guess. Are you just gonna follow him around trying different things all day?” “No! Come on, Shadow. I’d never do a thing like that.” “Oh thank fuck, because I was gonna say, that’d be creepy…” Shadow began. “I pinched his journal last night too! It’s got his day plan written in it, so I can just happen to show up at the same place as him and just happen to be dressed up as a bunch of different compounds!” “Aaaand there’s the creepiness.” Shadow sighed. “So according to this, he’s gonna be at the marketplace in ten minutes! I’m gonna get ready!” Sky couldn’t help but squee as she bounded off, giddy on hormones and some chemicals that she probably shouldn’t have inhaled. Shadow sat there in silence for a moment, before trotting back up into her room to start work on her own costume. “Maybe I’ll be a ghost this year!” She fluttered her wings excitedly, taking a pair of scissors to one of her white blankets. One way or another, this was going to be one hell of a Nightmare Night.
MethaneCarbon had really done nothing to deserve this. He did try his best to be a good pony, and couldn’t recall knocking over any enchanted artifacts, or otherwise inviting ancient and terrible curses upon him. Nevertheless, here he stood, accosted by Sky Runner, wearing two pieces of paper over her cutie marks. Upon them was scrawled “4H” in black marker. “Hey Carbon.” She smiled sweetly, flapping her wings as she approached him. There was something overall predatory about her expression and gait. It wasn’t some unholy mix between a trot and a prowl. “Uh...hey…” Carbon replied anxiously, backing up with more than a little nervousness. His flanks bumped against a market stall, leaving him trapped between a pony and a hard place. “Do you know what I am?” She grinned evilly, biting her lip a little as she took his forehooves in her own. She had a vice-like grip that seemed impossible for a pony her size, and there was something about her apparent apathy for the ponies gathered in the marketplace around her that gave Carbon a deep sense of foreboding. “Um...scaring me?” He ventured, gulping. The look on Sky’s face was making his wings feel weirdly warm. Her breathing was far deeper and more deliberate than it should be. Sky gave a particularly loud laugh that turned a few heads in the nearby market stalls. Some of the mares sighed understandingly, realising just what time of year it must be, but the stallions looked on with confusion and a few mutters of “That bitch must be crazy.” “Oh Carbon, you’re so silly!” Sky giggled, nuzzling his neck and gazing at him through half-lidded eyes. “Don’t you know basic chemistry? I’m only a little compound called tetrahydridocarbon! That’s science for methane!” She added with a particularly loud whisper. “Is that why you’ve got that scribbled on your ass?” Carbon cocked his head, somewhat suicidally going into “lecture Sky about chemistry mode.” “You know you’re missing a C, right?” “I guess I am…” Sky giggled, rubbing her chest against him a little as she raised her head to whisper in his ear. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find a Carbon to bond with, would you?” “You know those glasses you’re wearing don’t even have lenses, right?” He gulped weakly. Sky pulled back and pouted as hard as she could, before starting to repeatedly bump his chest and neck with her muzzle. “Come ooooon, bond with me already!” “Um, Sky...you haven’t joined any cults lately, have you?” “Well, I did pick up this one book lately, and it tells me all about the wonderful things that I can do with you…” Sky giggled a little maniacally, rubbing one of her forehooves over his cheek. “Ooookay…” He gave the smallest reluctant squeak, willing his wings to stay down by his sides as he looked into her hungry eyes. “Well look, I’ve kind of...got somewhere to be right now, so I’ll see you around Sky, okay?” He sidled his way past her, before galloping off as fast as legs could carry him. Why the hell isn’t he tackling me? Is he really that oblivious, or am I not a complicated enough compound? Sky thought to herself, frowning internally. She could see it in his eyes. He wanted her and she knew it, but maybe he wasn’t certain that she’d be a good mate. Clearly she had to try harder. “Smooth, casanova.” Shadow commented from atop a nearby stall. She was cunningly hidden amidst some life-sized plushies, giggling at Sky triumphantly. “Hey, I totally had him in the bag!” Sky replied reproachfully. “I just...wasn’t a complicated enough compound, okay? There’s no way he could resist me if I was something with more hydrogens in it! Nothing’s sexier than hydrogen!” “If you say so.” Shadow deadpanned after a while. “Um...sis?” “Yeah?” “You’re doing the hyperventilating thing again.” “I was SO CLOSE!” Sky shrieked, bouncing up and down and flapping her wings irritably, to confused glances from all the assembled ponies. This was starting to turn into a pretty decent show. “What’s the matter with me? I’m not ugly, am I?” “I dunno, maybe methane’s just not a very sexy compound.” Shadow shrugged. “You’re right!” Sky barked. “Quick, give me the book again!” Shadow tossed it over. “There you go...probably not the last time somepony’s gonna throw the book at you today at the rate you’re going…” “What was that?” “Nothing.” Shadow gave an innocent little squee. “So what do you think you’ll go as next?” “Well, he clearly wants me to be something sexier, but what?” She gave an unconscious little giggle as she flipped through the book, before squealing loudly. “Shadow, I’ve found it!” “No sis, you’ve lost it.” Shadow sighed. “I mean I’ve found what I’m gonna go as! Carbon said ‘see you round,’ right? Well what if he meant that I should be something cyclic?” “I’m sure he’d prefer it to psycho…” “Well look at this!” Sky grinned thrusting the book into Shadow’s face and nearly braining her. “Benzene.” She said simply. “It’s hexagonal.” “But it’s also kind of round!” Sky beamed, fluttering her wings excitedly as she bounced up and down. “It’s perfect! If I dress up as benzene, Carbon’ll jump my bones before you can say hydrodealkylation!” “Hydrode...hydra...hid...I’ll take your word for it.” Shadow rolled her eyes, more than a little exasperated. “So you’re sure that he wasn’t just a little intimidated by the idea of you jumping on top of him and fucking his brains out in the middle of the damn marketplace?” “What’s your point?” “My point is that maybe you want to ask him in private whether he wants to fuck you, and when he says yes, because you’d stick him with a lust dart like you always fucking do, you’ll save yourself a lot of effort.” Shadow exhaled, flopping down onto the counter and glaring up at her big sister. “Oh Shadow!” Sky beamed, ruffling her sister’s mane. “If it was that easy, anypony could do it! Attracting a stallion is a subtle science. You’ve gotta be really careful and intricate about it. You can’t just trot up to them and yell “Hey, wanna fuck?” It doesn’t work that way!” This coaxed a few disbelieving chuckles from all the married stallions present.Their wives quickly slapped them back into line. “Sis, your eyes are kinda pointing in different directions…” Shadow cocked her head, concerned. “No time for that now, sweetie! I’ve gotta do science!” Sky giggled madly, starting to half-gallop, half-bounce back to her hideout. “Fuck me…” Shadow sighed, hopping off of the counter and following behind at a distance. “If this is what adulthood’s like, then I don’t wanna grow up.”
BenzeneLightning struck the tower as early afternoon settled over Canterlot, and a mad cackling erupted from within. Shadow trotted down the stairs, expecting to find the entire room full of smoke again. She was wearing a little blanket over her head, with four holes cut for her eyes and ears. All told, she’d look far scarier if she didn’t have two soft, slightly floppy ears poking out. Shadow, it seemed, made for a poor harbinger of death. “What is it this time?” She sighed, pushing open the door and recoiling almost instantly. “Oh Luna-fucking-damn it, SIS!” “Shadow! What’ve I said about knocking?” Sky huffed, pulling her lab coat down over her flanks again, covering her shame. Her mane was far more matted and untidy than normal, and that was saying something. It looked like she’d stuck her hoof in the mains at least once since the incident at the marketplace. Of course, Shadow thought to herself, she probably has. “Nice costume.” Sky grinned, looking ghost-Shadow up and down. “You too.” Shadow giggled a little. “Um...are you sure you’re supposed to wear safety goggles and glasses at the same time?” “Probably not!” Sky shrugged, trotting in circles a few times before stopping to rub her forehooves together. “Still fixated on getting Carbon in the sack?” Shadow guessed. “I can offer a few tips if you like.” “Tips?” Sky turned around. Her pupils dilated slightly, and Shadow recoiled again. “Ooookay, that was creepy.” She chuckled nervously. “Um...well you know what colts really like? Surprises! I mean, you already tried just walking up to him when you were dressed as methane, right? Well, what if you kind of gave him a shock this time? You know, pop up while you’re dressed as benzene. He’ll be so surprised and overwhelmed that he has to sleep with you!” “Shadow...you’re a genius!” Sky giggled, bouncing up and down with excitement. Her wings had somehow found a way to become even more untidy and unpreened. “Aw, come on sis, you know I’ve got your back!” She gave an easy smile, waving her hoof dismissively. “Don’t even mention it!” Sky beamed at her little sister, her current insanity and hormonal overload blinding her to the way the filly’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Well, I owe you one!” She grabbed Carbon’s day planner and leafed through it, grinning as she reached today’s page. “Ooooh, he’s at home right now! There’s tons of ways to give somepony a fright at home!” “Go for it. Trust me, this is 100% guaranteed to get you laid!” Shadow grinned, patting her sister on the flank. “Go on! You don’t wanna miss him, do you?” Sky’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, you’re right! Thanks Shadow!” And with that, she kissed the filly on the cheek and leapt off of her balcony. Shadow sat there in silence for a time, blinking and staring at the wall as she listened to the various crashes and galloping noises that heralded her sister’s departure. When she was certain that she was alone, she pulled the sheet off of her head, cackling madly. This was going to be fun. * * * “Caaaaaarboooooon…” Came an eerie, ominous voice. Carbon sat up on the couch, staring around with his ears perked. That certainly didn’t sound like Lilo. It was somehow more dissonant, more desperate, more...scary. “Caaaaarboooooon…” whispered the voice again. “Come out and plaaaaay with meeeeee…” Carbon was all of a sudden very aware of how dark it was in the living room. “Li...Lilo?” He yelped, before clapping his hooves over his mouth. That had come out at a much higher octave than he’d meant it to. Suddenly, there came a very loud thud, coaxing an incredibly girly squeal out of Carbon. His eyes darted around the room, searching for the source of the noise. “Lilo...help?” He squeaked, wrapping his tail around his forelegs and hunkering down. Over time, however, the voice died away completely. There was nothing left but Carbon, a dark room and the sound of the rain outside. Carbon, however, was no alumnus of the “What Not To Do In A Horror Movie” class of ‘84, and as the afternoon began to wear on, it struck him that he hadn’t yet showered. Getting to his hooves, he gave the living room one last cursory glance before trotting up the stairs, grabbing a towel and retreating into the bathroom. Sky grinned as she unzipped the sofa cushion she’d been hiding inside, eyes drifting out of alignment again as she giggled madly. She could hear the shower running upstairs, knew that even if he was listening that there was no way that he’d be able to hear her coming. Nonetheless, she crept as quietly as she could up the stairs, licking her lips as she began to pick the bathroom’s lock. He’s gonna be mine...he’s gonna be all mine… Sky giggled quietly as she jiggled the tumblers into place, sliding her tongue into the barrel of the lock and twisting it open. Perfect. She giggled as she heard Carbon singing in the shower, hidden from view behind a translucent curtain. Sky crept into the bathroom, slowly closing the door behind her, quietly singing along to the Table of Elements Song. The little white mare, clad in her safety goggles and lab coat, stopped just short of the shower, licking her lips and wiggling her flanks like a predator about to pounce on its prey. “HEY CARBON!” She yelled, pulling the shower curtain aside and grinning merrily. Carbon gave a very girly shriek indeed, slipping over onto his flanks and backing right up into the corner. “WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU...oh, damn it Sky!” He whimpered, shivering with fright. “Awww, look at you! You’re all cold!” Sky pouted, clambering into the shower with him and nuzzling his cheek, giggling quietly. Her eye twitched a little. “I’m not cold...you just...startled me...and...erm...are you all right?” He shuffled over to the opposite side of the shower, eyes so wide that they were in danger of dropping out of his head. “Oh, I’m better than all right…” Sky giggled, trotting up to him and booping his nose. She turned her tail on him, before pulling her lap coat up. There were six letter “H”’s arranged around her plot, drawn in the same black marker. “I’m benzene!” She announced proudly, pressing her flanks against him. “Um...very creative Sky, but...that’s just a ring of hydrogens…” “I know!” Sky giggled, turning around and pressing her muzzle against Carbon’s. “You know, it’s only benzene if there’s a Carbon in the middle of the hydrogen ring…” “Actually, there’s a smaller...ring...of…carbons…in there…” He put in weakly. “Details details! What matters here Carbon...my dear sweet Carbon...is that it’s up to you to fill in the middle of the ring…” Sky grinned, putting a forehoof on his chest and beginning to gently run it through his wet fur. “You...what, now?” He gazed up at her wild eyes with sheer terror. “Come on Carbon, I’ve got some electron pairs that you’ll just love...” Sky whispered. “Okay, this is kind of getting creepy...um...Lilo?” Carbon yelped, hooves slipping on the tiled floor as he backed right up against the door. “It’s not going to work, Carbon.” Sky giggled madly, advancing on him. “Your little waifu’s out on the town at the moment. It’s just you and me here, and you’re MINE! ALL MINE!” And with that, she wiggled her flanks and took a leap, tackling the poor hapless stallion to the floor.
Aperture Science“Anyway, it turns out Lilo was home earlier than I thought. That changeling’s got a pretty decent swing when it comes down to it. So she called the guards and I had to leg it.” Sky sighed in frustration. “Okay, that explains that.” Shadow nodded understandingly. “So what does that have to do with the skirt you’re defacing?” Sky looked down at the white cotton skirt that she’d been holding for about ten minutes now. “Well, I was thinking that maybe I’d do something with it...like...I dunno, I’m out of ideas.” She slumped to the floor, defeated. “Sis…” Shadow sighed, laying down on the floor by her side. “You know why you’re so fucking loopy right now, don’t you?” “Because I want Carbon’s cock?” Sky gave Shadow the hopeful smile of a pony who’s pretty sure that they’ve given the wrong answer. “No, sis.” Shadow deadpanned, before pulling out a biology book and sitting back. “You’re going through something called heat, or oestrus, and it’s something that’s perfectly natural and normal for all mares...of course, most mares aren’t massive sluts to begin with.” Sky nodded, idly leaning across and slapping Shadow around the back of the head. “Wait...did you say oestrus?” She started, locking eyes with Shadow. “Yeah, like being super horny…” Shadow began, but Sky wasn’t listening to her, pulling out the chemistry book again and leafing through it. “Esters.” Sky grinned evilly, looking up at Shadow. “Esters are perfect! They’re stupidly big, they’ve got retarded names and they need carbon to work! They’re the perfect compound!” “Aaaaaand you’ve trotted off down Crazy Lane again.” Shadow rolled her eyes. “Hello? Earth to Sky? If you’re gonna keep doing this, can you at least take some friendly advice?” “I dunno, is it gonna get me beaten up by a changeling again?” Sky cocked her head, frowning. “No...come here, give me that…” Shadow yanked the book out of Sky’s hooves, looking over the page. “Well...esters are used to make things smell and taste nice, so what if, instead of jumping out at ponies and incurring the wrath of their wives, you dab on a bit of perfume and wear something nice and just...I dunno...play it sweet?” “I guess I could go as Benzyl Acetate…” Sky frowned, sticking her tongue out with concentration. “That means I’d be wearing something strawberry-scented. Hey Shadow, pass me your strawberry perfume!” “Sure, sis! I…” Shadow froze halfway through pulling it out of her saddlebag, looking at the bottle, then up at Sky. “Busted.” Sky giggled, yanking it out of Shadow’s hooves as well. “I...it’s not mine!” Shadow squeaked, reaching out for it with a hint of desperation. “Somepony must’ve switched my saddlebags with someone else’s! I...don’t use perfume!” “Suuuure you don’t!” Sky laughed, spraying some of it on her neck. “Come on, admit it, there’s a colt or two you’ve been looking at, right?” “N...no! Fuck you! I just wanted to know what it was like, all right?” Shadow squeaked defensively, going about as red as her big sister’s mane and tucking her head under her wing. “Yahuh. Seriously, who is he?” Sky smiled triumphantly, starting to scrawl on the skirt in marker as her little sister squirmed. “He’s...nopony, okay? He’s just a guy I saw in the marketplace...and...I thought maybe I’d...say hi to him tonight…” Shadow whimpered, looking down at the floor. “Hey.” Sky beamed, pausing her work and putting a hoof under Shadow’s chin. “I bet you’ll be the prettiest mare in the city. He’d be mad not to like you.” “You do realise that I’m gonna be wearing a sheet over my head, right?” Shadow frowned. “Exactly. It’ll help disguise your ugly mug.” Sky winked, ruffling her mane. “Ack! Fuck off, sis!” Shadow giggled, slapping Sky’s hoof away before sighing happily. “Thanks. I’m...I’m gonna get ready.” Shadow was exuding pure confidence, but as she got to her hooves and trotted off (pinching the perfume bottle back in the process) Sky could’ve sworn that she could see the filly’s legs wobbling a little. “Now...time for me to say hi to a lucky colt…” Sky grinned evilly, slipping her safety goggles on again. * * * Thump thump thump! Carbon was almost too terrified to get up off of the sofa by this point. The random encounters that he’d been victim to today had been trying his sanity, and he didn’t want to risk another encounter with the world’s craziest mare. Then again, thought he, it might be some harmless trick-or-treaters. There was a slightly high-pitched giggle from just outside. Nope, nevermind. It’s Sky. Carbon sighed, looking at the ceiling for a moment and asking no deity in particular what he had done to deserve this. He wasn’t a bad pony. There was no way that this was his fault. Surely you had to do something pretty significant to invite the wrath of a mad mare. Unfortunately, his silent pleading had given Sky the time she needed to pick his lock and let herself in. Carbon looked over at his front door, the two of them locking eyes for a moment before Sky gave him a shaky smile. “Um...hey.” She said simply, trotting up to him with shining blue eyes. She seemed to be trying to wear the skirt and the lab coat at the same time, which while not impossible, didn’t create an overall good image when combined with her hipster glasses and safety goggles. Sky, it seemed, was not a mentally stable mare. Carbon recoiled a little. “Um...hey yourself. So...are you going to...you know...jump me again?” “Definitely!” Sky beamed, nodding brightly as she hopped up onto the couch again. “Um...I came as Benzyl Acetate...I smell like strawberries!” She leaned over so that Carbon could smell her, smiling hopefully. “Sky...what’s this about?” Carbon sighed, looking her up and down, She’d drawn the chemical diagram for Benzyl Acetate all over the skirt. She was missing the benzene ring, of course, but he could hazard a guess as to where it was. “Well...I’m...super-duper horny right now, and...I kinda wanted you to plow me...and I learned science so that you’d...be...impressed…” Sky chuckled, fiddling with her hooves awkwardly, going a little pink. “Erm...I kinda wanted to woo you with how much chemistry I’ve learned...but I guess I came across as just the tiniest bit crazy, huh?” “You don’t say.” Carbon sighed. “Sky, did you really go to all of that effort just so I’d sleep with you?” “Mhmm…” Sky nodded, looking down at her hooves. It started off as the tiniest noise in the back of Carbon’s throat, and over time, it grew, from a chuckle to outright laughter. Sky looked across at him, panic-stricken. Oh Luna, I’ve gone and broken him… “Um...Carbon, are you okay?” “You...were just trying to get me in the sack...all this time?” Carbon laughed, wiping his eyes with relief. “And you learned chemistry...to impress me…” Sky cocked her head, just the tiniest bit offended by his outburst. “Yeeeeeah, so?” “That’s the...the most adorable thing...I’ve ever...ever seen…” he whimpered, beaming at her. Sky was truly taken aback, not sure whether to sleep dart him, smack him upside the head or just wait to see what happened. As it turned out, as soon as the laughter wore off, Carbon pounced on her, tackling her off of the couch onto the floor. He stared down at her, still panting a little, his expression just a little bit wilder. “All right...I’ll make you a deal. Listening?” He grinned. Sky tried to say something, but the words simply wouldn’t come. She settled for nodding enthusiastically instead. “I’ll fuck you, just like you wanted, on one condition.” He pressed a forehoof to her nose. “Don’t ever try to impress me again.” Sky rolled her eyes, taking his hoof in her own. “Deal.” Sky wrapped her hooves around the back of Carbon’s head, pulling his head down and kissing him fiercely. She pushed her tongue past his lips, playing with his own as she began to grind against him. Carbon reached down, pulling her skirt up past her hips and grabbing her flank, coaxing a muffled moan out of the small mare. Both pegasi could feel their wings growing hotter, Sky’s own starting to reluctantly spread out. She groaned softly as the feathers dragged against the carpet, giving her an adorable, lopsided look. Carbon pulled away, smiling down her fondly as she panted and whimpered beneath him. “As cute as they look on you, those things have to come off.” He whispered, pulling her safety goggles and glasses off. “Oh no! Now how am I gonna do science?” Sky giggled, reaching down and lifting her skirt out of the way for him. “Somehow...I think I’ll live.” Carbon chuckled, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers once more, before kissing down her neck. His own wings splayed out with an audible “pomf.” Sky could feel his cock pressing against her stomach, grinning up at him with a kind of silent understanding. Carbon pushed her down onto the floor again, shifting back just a little as he kept his forehooves on her shoulders. The head of his member pressed against the folds of her marehood. Sky gave the most terrified little squeak. “Co...come on...please…” She whispered, nodding with desperation. He’s not gonna do it, is he? He’s gonna tease me and leave me hanging...oh, that’d be the most terrible thing ever… Fortunately for Sky, and Carbon’s wellbeing in general, he wasn’t that mean. With one last kiss on her muzzle, he pushed in, driving his cock deep inside her. Sky’s forehooves dug into the carpet, bracing herself and moaning out as the stallion hilted himself inside of her. “How’s that?” He whispered down at her. Sky said nothing, too focussed on trying to breathe properly. Instead, she gave a shaky nod, her mouth hanging open like an idiot. Carbon started to thrust, keeping his pace slow at first. His breathing was heavy and laboured, sounding more like a growl than anything else, and Sky gave a little squeak each time he shunted into her. Her whole body shook as he started to pick up the pace, her wings twitching and flapping under his ministrations. “Ah...fucking...hell…” She whimpered, wrapping her forelegs around the back of his neck and biting down on his shoulder as she was pushed over the edge. Sky came hard, her whole body cramping up and forcing her to bite down harder. She could only moan and whimper as he fucked her ever harder, settling into a pace that was comfortable for him. Sky shuddered as she came a second time, squeezing him tightly and beating her wings desperately. She couldn’t even feel the pain from her injured limb anymore. All she could feel was his hot breath on her shoulder, the sensation of him pounding her harder than she’d ever been taken in her life, and the overwhelming satisfaction that came with it. Tonight had been worth all of the false starts and experimentation. After a time, Carbon started to slow down. Sky opened her eyes, trying to beg for him to keep going, but it became apparent that he was still ready and willing. He pulled away, just a little, so that Sky could turn around and let him fuck her from behind. As Carbon started to thrust into her again, Sky pressed her flanks back against his hips, Her tongue hung out of her mouth as he started pounding her harder than ever, each thrust coaxing a happy whimper from Sky. There was something so feral, so wild about the way he fucked her, and she loved it. “Sky...I’m...cumming…” Carbon panted in her ear, jolting her back to the here and now. She pulled away, letting his shoulder go so that she could look up into his eyes. “Go...go for it…” she whispered back, giving him a lopsided smile. She held on as tightly as she could as Carbon canted his head back, crying out as he finished inside her, hilting himself in her once more before he filled her up with his seed. Sky cried out with him, clutching him tight and shaking as her body was exposed to the incredible warmth. With a sense of victorious finality, she collapsed back onto the floor, pulling him down on top of her. “That...was...more...like...it…” Sky chuckled, holding him close. “So...I don’t...have...to..do chemistry...again?” “Please…please never do chemistry again.” Carbon pleaded, relaxing atop her. “You know...in future...you can just ask...right?” Sky closed her eyes. “So I...went...to all that trouble...for nothing?” “Kind of.” She lay back, breathing deeply and wrapping her wings around him. “Bollocks.”
EpilogueSky limped out onto the street, her clothes a little torn and roughed up, even for a pony who’d been running around and wrecking scientific equipment all day long. Nevertheless, she was satisfied. Barely able to walk, but satisfied. “It worked, then.” Came a voice from just overhead. Sky looked up and spotted Shadow sitting in a tree, the tattered remains of her ghost costume hanging about her body. Her saddlebags were laden with candy, and not all of it looked like it had originally belonged to her. “Yeah, it worked.” Sky nodded, grinning. Her expression was one of absolutely glowing satisfaction. “How’d it go with that cute little colt you had your eye on?” “It went great!” Shadow nodded, beaming. “I walked up to him and then we talked for a bit. He was kind of absent but he had some nice stuff to say.” “So where is he now?” Sky cocked her head, beaming. “Oh, I let him get real close to me, and I said I liked him a lot, and he said he liked me too…” Shadow fiddled with her forehooves, going pink and trailing off. “Come on sis, don’t leave me hanging! Did you guys kiss or what?” “Well...nearly...but then I pushed him in the mud and ran off with all his candy.” Shadow smiled bashfully. “You know, just like you taught me.” Sky giggled, before beaming up at her little sister with pride. “That’s my girl.” She held out her forehooves, and Shadow fluttered down into them, embracing the elder pony in a tight cuddle. “I’m glad you’re not a complete fucking loony anymore.” Shadow whispered quietly. She pulled away when she heard a little rustling coming from Sky’s lab coat pockets. “Hey...where did you get candy?” “Carbon had a whole bowl full of it by his front door in case of trick or treaters.” Sky shrugged. “Wow, he’s gonna be screwed if anypony comes and asks for candy.” Shadow giggled, letting Sky wrap her wing around her. “Yeah, well it serves him right for not picking up on my subtle hints.” “I dunno, I know I’d have trouble picking up on hints while I was fearing for my anal circumference.” Shadow chuckled. “So is that it, sis? No more sex-crazed mad science?” Sky grinned down at her sister. “For now, maybe.” “I’m gonna get you committed one of these days, you mad bitch.” “Hey, don’t even joke about making me commit to something.” Sky bumped Shadow’s flank with her own. “Now come on kid, let’s go and scare the shit out of some trick or treaters.” And with that, the two sisters wrapped their wings around each other, trotting away into the city to cause a little more mischief.
