A New Lord of Chaos

At the sound of my voice close to two dozen assorted mares snapped to look at me. I gave them a smile. To their credit, only one or two visibly flinched. I gave them a quick once over accessing what threat they could be.

“Aw you and Celestia dressed them up as little hoplites. Just like little children playing at war. How has someone not taken over your country?”

They bristled at the comments. From behind me, I heard Luna ask. “Playing at war?”

I just smiled before answering her question. “Playing yes. That style of armor fell out of favor almost.” I paused and made a show of running the figures. “Ah, yes. My own people stopped using that type of armor almost two thousand years ago.”

Luna looked disturbed at the implication of a race two eons ahead of her nation militarily speaking. She put forth a simple question.

“Then how do the guards of your own home dress.”

After hearing this, I broke out laughing.

One mare a dark navy unicorn stepped forward and asked me in a bitter tone. “Care to share the joke with the rest of us?”

I wiped a tear from my eye. “Why not. First though would you give me the honor of introductions?”

Several of the mares looked taken aback at this sudden change of pace. It was as if they never expected me to be capable of proper decorum. None of them looked like they wanted to speak.

I turned to Luna. “If just to speed things along. Would you do the honors?”

She nodded. “The mare addressing you is first lieutenant Moonbeam of my lunar guard.” She went on to list off all of the guards in
front of me.

I nodded. “To answer your question Lt. Moonbeam. I find it amusing that Luna brought guards, not members of a standing army, not some elite recovery unit just plain old vanilla guards. I fell underestimated.”

The guards all seemed to get mad at these allegations, but come on steel spearheads and swords but bronze or gold armor.

“Let me show you what I mean.” I walked over to a pegasus who seemed to be struggling to stay standing. “She clearly has not spent enough time weight training. Would you be a dear and take off the cuirass?”

She seemed nervous about taking her armor off in front of me. She turned to look at Moonbeam and Luna. Moonbeam flicked her ears at Luna differing command.

Luna asked me a question. “Do you welcome them as guests to your halls?”

“Cleaver girl.” I muttered before turning to face the group as a whole. “Will you accept my word or do you want me to break out the bread, wine, and salt? Even more to the point will they eat from my table or accept the shelter of my halls?”

Most if not all of the guards cocked their heads at the exchange going on between Luna and I. Not surprising considering the laws we mentioned were ancient before Luna was even born. The obligations of a host. No matter what world, time, or type of creature you encounter if they have any facade of manners or decency should know these rules. Creatures of magic though can be bound by such obligations. I had offered these things to Luna, the food of my tables, the shelter of my halls, and her defense as long as she acted appropriately as my guest.

Luna shook her head sadly. “You are right they would not accept it.”

I just smiled. “Looks like I get to do this the fun way.” I waved my arm and my cane shot from its stand and into my hand.
Luna gave me a look.

“What?” I asked.

“I know that you do not need your cane to use your power. So why do you insist on using it?”

“Fair enough question I suppose.” I rubbed my chin pondering how to answer her question. “I believe it has to do what I see as appropriate for myself.”

This caused the guard to tilt their heads wondering where this was going. Luna rolled a wing in a gesture I approximated to rolling a hand.

“Were I come from magic users were portrayed to fall into one of three categories. The first was often used by either the weakest or beings that had the majority of their power sealed.”

Luna and the unicorn guards all perked up at this. I could read the thought behind their eyes.

“No, this won’t help you here. I am not about to let you have the time or tools for this knowledge to help you.” They all wilted a little bit. “They make charms and brew catalyst potions. Most famously this was used by the sorceress Evangeline of the Twilight Gospel.”

The guards gave me confused looks clearly not understanding that I had attached a title. One guard raised a hoof.

I nodded to her and she asked. “Twilight Gospel?”

I turned to Luna. “If you would be so kind as to give a full formal introduction of yourself.”

She frowned for a second before grasping what it was I was asking. “I am her royal majesty Princess Luna. Bearer of the moon, shepherd of dreams, artist of the night sky, In pax, et in nocte, and formerly, Umbra super lunam.”

I nodded. “Any being who lives and does anything of great note earns titles. The sorceress I mentioned had dozens. Dark Evangel, Maga Nosferatu, The Queen of The Night, The Doll Master, The Lord of Darkness, The Apostle of Destruction, The Tidings of Evil, Puppet Master, Dreaded Vampire, The High Daylight Walker, The Girl Queen of Darkness, The Visitation of Woe, and The Disciple of Dark Tones. To name a few.” Even Luna flinched when she heard some of the titles.

“But I am getting off track, the second typical category is channeling which most if not all of you fall into. You channel your magic into an object to control its release and purpose. Like the first type disarm them and they are nearly powerless.”

An earth pony guard had to ask the question I knew was coming. “How would you disarm us?”

I gave them a very dark and foreboding smile full of sadistic pleasure. “Why I would either will your wings and horns away, bind your magic like I already have, or if I was feeling particularly primal, break the part or parts of your body you channel your magic through.”

They all flinched at this. One bat mare looked like she was about to be sick.

I just went on. “Finally we get to the category I fall into. Divine will. I just will what I want to happen or be into existence. I just use the cane to help me focus my will so every little thought and idea does not spring forth from my imagination. I would find it rather embarrassing for every little thought, fantasy, or whim to spring forth with out my consent.” I tapped my cane and all of their armor was replaced with various servant’s attire. “Any other questions?”

None of the guards put forth a question while some did give me the evil eye. Turning to Luna I asked. “What do you think about the maid outfits, with or without the lace trim?”

The guards were in an uproar they had all been stripped down the level of foals. No magic, no arms or armor, and the being that they were supposed to be subduing was treating them like they were dolls. Stripping them and dressing them up like the other members of the palace staff. The only ones who didn’t seem upset were two unicorns dressed as cooks. The two of them must have spent a lot of time in the kitchen during basic training.

I watched Luna give the guards the once over smiling a little. “Delirium was it really necessary to do that?”

I walked over and settled myself back on to my side of the sofa. “Well not really, but it’s not like their armor would do them any good. What is it made from bronze or a gold alloy?”

She seemed to think for a moment before turning to her guards. “A fair question, I myself am uncertain as to the current compositions making up the arms and armor of the guard. Lieutenant, if you would.”

The mare wilted a bit at being told to humor me. “The armor is a mixture of copper, tin, iron, and gold. While all of the weapons are steel.”

I shook my head. “Even if your sister enchanted every piece herself those metals combined make for very poor armor. While it might be resistant to magic and slashing weapons it would be ridiculously easy to pierce or dent to the point of harming the being wearing it.” I willed two of the sets of armor back in between all of us.

Turning to them I began to lecture a little. “solid piece armor was notorious in my people’s history for the image it projected more than its practicality. In reality it was expensive, cumbersome, and easy to circumvent. Your armor seems to be an amalgamation of every design flaw possible.”

With every word out of my mouth the guards got visibly more upset.

I went on anyway. “In particular this design,” I held up the pegasus armor. “is incredibly bad. By cutting these slots for your wings you make it easier to, well watch.”

With that I put my foot on the armor and put my weight on it. Slowly it dented as I added weight. I stopped and looked at them. “At this point you have trouble breathing as the dent prevents your chest from fully expanding.” I applied a little more pressure and was rewarded with a wing hole twisting. “And at this point your wing snaps. Causing you incredible pain and trapping you on the ground possibly writhing in shock.”

All of the winged ponies flinched. The others looked unimpressed. I turned to the other set of armor, switched my cane to my left hand, and with a twist of my wrist drew forth a sword form with in my cane.

I flipped the handle around and gave a down ward thrust. The sword went in with rasping screech. I drew it back out with quick motion.

“To soft.” I looked up at the screen. Fluttershy was still not moving and Rainbow Dash was running at a break neck pace in a straight line the starting point just out of sight. I started to chuckle.

Luna looked at the screen, as did a few of the guards in the back row, while those closest kept an eye on me. We all watched one pegasus shaking curled up in a ball while another ran forwards at her best pace. The whole time I was just standing there laughing softly.

An ash grey unicorn turned to me and seemed to try to scold me. “And what is so funny about Rainbow Dash running towards this room?” She asked in a somewhat somber tone.

I swallowed my laughter and composed myself putting the sword back in the cane. “She is in a red queen trap and doesn’t even realize it.”

The mare who had questioned me raised an eyebrow at this but said nothing. I looked her over and the more I looked the more she looked like a cat to me. With her almost solid color scheme and her bright green eyes they seemed more expressive than the rest of the guard, and what they seemed to be questioning.

“You want to what that means don’t you?” I ask the grey guard.

She stands her ground and in that same quiet almost funereal voice says. “Yes.”

“A red queen trap is based upon a rather famous line from a story I enjoyed when I was younger. Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There.” I conjured up a copy of the book. I flip through it trying to find the right passage. “Ah here we are ‘Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place’ so said the Red Queen to Alice. Can any of you guess what the trap is designed to do?”

They all blinked at my question. Not getting what I was implying. None of the seemed to grasp that I had essentially stuck Rainbow Dash in a hamster wheel.

I just went back to the sofa, returned my cane to its stand, and settled in to watch the mares try to make it to me.