Pinkie was left with a frightful choice. After twenty years of friendship, the middle-aged mare had been left without a pony by her side. Twilight was busy with her students at the newly minted Academy, Rainbow Dash had ascended to Wonderbolt Captain and forgotten her friends... Applejack was busy raising her family, Fluttershy had... moved on some time ago...
Rarity had been the last of her friends to even pretend to care for her. That had ended last year, when, after a stilted conversation over a bland lunch, she had screamed out the peppy pink pony to act her age.
In the twenty years between meeting her friends, even as they grew up and forgot one another, Equestria had changed. New Bearers had been found as each lost touch with her Element. Only Pinkie had remained, in the end. The Cakes had passed on, leaving the business split between her and the twins- but even that felt more like a business partnership rather than a friendship or even family relationship, more and more every year.
Eventually, demand for her parties began to slacken as the stress of her life got to her. Her mane hung straight and limp, and she watched the ground when she walked most days. A cloud formed over her, that grew darker and darker, before a daily downpour began in the past year.
Ponyville didn't feel like home anymore. Nowhere that she could, and did eventually visit, did anymore. Every morning when she woke, she told herself; "Today will be better. Today ponies will love me again. Today my friends will remember me."
But that day never came.
One particularly dim morning found the middle-aged mare, who now walked everywhere instead of bouncing and whose cotton candy mane bore streaks of gray, trotting along the pathways of Ponyville's cemetery. Fluttershy had had it written in her will to be buried in the ground she belonged on.
She was treated to a sight she would never have expected in a million years. A hopeful grin crossed her muzzle as she raced forward, hair curling upward at the ends...
Framed by a dull glow, her butter-yellow friend stood unharmed on top of the gravestone that marked her final resting place. She smiled a little bit, her eyes opening as they watched her pink friend run towards her.
"Hi Pinkie."
Four horseshoes dug into the cobbles as Pinkie came to a sharp screeching halt, panting as the clammy mist filling the air clung shakily to her coat. Dash stood next to Fluttershy with a small smile. Pinkie launched herself the last few feet through the air, forelegs outstretched.
For the first time in ten years, Dash caught the pink mare and rolled with her in a laughing heap. When they came to rest with Pinkie on top, her mane inflated and poured back out of its normal curly messiness. A grin split her face from ear to ear. "I missed you guys!"
A thought struck her. "Dashie, why are you in Ponyville? I mean... I can't wait to grab the rest of the girls, but I thought you never wanted to see any of us again! And besides, aren't you incredibly super-duper busy with the new recruits?"
Dash grinned in that Warden-may-care way she'd always had. The years had treated her well, it seemed she hadn't aged a day since that last spot...
"Nah. We're good for the whole day. Why don't you come with me and Fluttershy, Pinks? We'll do all your favorite things, just like the old days."
Pinkie grinned as she hopped off Dash. When she hit the ground again, she expected the knee she'd injured years ago during one of their adventures to give. It held. In fact... none of her healed-over injuries gave her the slightest amount of strain.
Pinkie just shrugged it off. "Why don't we get the others?"
Dash and Fluttershy both shook their heads in unison, as they moved to stand next to one another and approach Pinkie slowly.
"It's not time for them, yet. You're close, Pinkie... So weary... Just give up. Drop into your grave." Dash gave a shaky smile, and swallowed with tears staining the corners of her eyes. "Don't make it hard, like I did. Go easy. We'll all play on the other side."
Fluttershy nodded a little bit and gave the beatific smile Pinkie had always known her for in their long friendship. That angelic little grin.The partymare almost saw a halo.
“I’m dreaming. You aren’t real… Fluttershy is dead, and you must be too, Dashie…”
“Well, yeah. But you’re close. Just come with us, Pinkie, I thought you were our friend?”
She shook her head sadly. It pained her more than anything else, to leave the shades of her friends behind, but she couldn’t leave yet. Her other friends…
Pinkie sat up in bed, soaked through with night-sweat from the small nightmare. She groaned a little bit and rubbed her skull under her hooves, closing her eyes a little bit as she flopped back onto her pillow. There would be no more sleeping tonight.
I wonder if what they say is true… if you kill yourself, do not get to go to Elysium like they say? What if Nana Pie was right, and suicides become civil servants?
At a more reasonable hour, Pinkie rose. She plastered on a fake smile as she sat at her little desk, beginning to slowly and painfully brush out her straightened mane. Why had she denied her two closest friends in the whole world? She sighed a little bit and shook her head.
First, a quick shower. She stood under the warm spray for quite a while, scrubbing away the stickiness she had accrued over the night. Heh, that was a funny word, accrued. She smiled a little bit as she turned off the water and shook herself dry.
She grabbed down a towel and finished drying herself, pulling a brush onto her hoof and running the stiff bristles through her mane to finish straightening and neatening it. Satisfied, she squeezed a small amount of toothpaste onto her brush.
She hummed as she brushed for a full sixty seconds. She spat, rinsed her mouth out with warm water, then a shot of the spearmint-flavored antiseptic she rather liked. With a slight wince as it irritated a cavity, she sighed a little bit, before sipping a fluoride rinse into her maw and swished it a time. What? Proper oral hygiene is important.
Her alarm clock chirped cheerfully in her bedroom, causing her to flick the strand of floss she had into the garbage. Four AM. Time for her morning to officially start. She smiled as she ventured downstairs as quietly as she could manage with shod hooves.
Immediately she moved to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, cooking herself a fried egg inside a piece of toast for breakfast while she waited for the pot. Setting both on a tray, she trotted to a small table near the kitchen window, settling down and pouring a small measure of syrup across her meal.
She ate in her own silent companionship, overcome with a deep melancholy as she gave the two empty chairs at her table a pointed look. She and Fluttershy used to eat breakfast together… And then Dash would come in a little bit later for coffee and a bagel…
But they wouldn’t be coming today. Never again.
Pinkie sighed deeply, and returned to her meal. The twins would be waking up soon, the mare and stallion she'd been signed guardianship of when their parents had passed violently in a robbery gone sour. Before getting them up for school, she rose and carefully washed her dishes. The bakery could sit closed today.
Pumpkin and Pound knew something was wrong, but it was a sort of wrongness they'd known most of their lives. You never really got used to Pinkie's melancholy, you just made room for it. She did a good enough job of putting up a cheerful facade that nopony really ever knew the real her.
She smiled a little bit, her mane curling at the ends. Things would get better, soon.
Dutifully, the twins marched along behind her to school, where Pinkie waved goodbye to her adopted children. Someone else would love them. Someone else would take better care of them.
You're lucky they haven't been taken away yet. Forty years old and you still act like a child! You should just go ahead.
Pinkie nodded to herself. That voice was making more and more sense lately. She set down a hoof with a renewed sense of vigor, and made her way to the Town Hall. While she didn't fully intend on going anywhere, it made sense to keep one's affairs in order. In case something happened. In case things got better.
With all the 'I's dotted and 'T's crossed, she trotted back out into the warm summer morning, keeping her eyes down on the path below her so she didn't step on a stone. Ponies who still remembered the exuberant mare of twenty years ago shook their heads sadly. Pinkie didn't notice, and wouldn't have cared.
Maybe an extra one of those pills the doctor had given her. She smiles, yes, that would be nice.
Before she really has a chance to realize what she's doing, where she's going, or what will happen, she's staring at herself in the mirror. A half-empty glass of water rests on the sink, an empty amber bottle marked with a label in incomprehensible Equestrian lies on its side on the floor. One shod forehoof presses against the reflection's cheek.
She imagines she can feel it, a loving and caring hoof on her own muzzle. A face inches from her own, a soft voice telling her You matter. Empty your stomach of those pills.
But then she remembers. Nobody had said those words in years. Her pills, she found out to be placebos ages ago. The twins could care for themselves, now, and run the bakery. Maybe hire a worker less prone to catatonic fits. She shook her head a little bit. Worthless, worthless mare.
Her hooves drag as she trots out of her bathroom and into her bedroom. The multiple springs of her mattress creak their mournful song. She sighed deeply, looking down at the floor. Her eyes caught the end of a rope, good thick cord... hovering an inch or so from the ground.
She tilted her head as she looked up, following the cord to where it ended in a loop, held up to perfectly frame her face in the mirror vanity opposite her bed by a trio of balloons. She must have tied it for herself without thinking. This would work. She smiled, and slowly rose.
Within a minute or two, she was standing on a stool with the other end of the noose tied around one of the rafters in her bedroom. She smiled widely at the mirror as she stared into it. She imagined she saw an image of Dash, Fluttershy, and the Cakes reflected in the blue and yellow balloons tied to the noose.
She took a deep breath and smiled. Her hair curled as she tipped herself forward... and nudged the stool out from underneath herself in the same motion.
Pinkie leaned forward until gravity took her past the point of no return. Her hoof kicked the stool she'd used to reach the noose out from beneath her, causing her full weight to pull it tight around her pretty little neck and cut off her breath. More painful was the pressure on her carotid arteries, her hooves instinctively scrabbled at the rough rope to attempt to loosen it a bit, but it was already too late...
She squirmed, eyes rolling back as her hooves tugged and scraped at the rope choking the life out of her. Something had gone wrong, she'd learned a fair deal about this sort of hanging from somewhere. She began blacking out after a minute, but it took her a full twenty to eventually expire.
She stared at herself, her dusky face in the mirror, feeling fuzzy and weak, before finally giving up the ghost.
She woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed in a cold sweat. The sun was beginning to go down over Ponyville. Pinkie could hear the sounds of patrons in the storefront downstairs. She sighed to herself as she laid back down.
She rolled onto her side, staring out the window as the moon started to come up. Pumpkin knocked, and they both entered her bedroom. Casting a glance over the pitiful lump in the sheets, splattered with pools of silver blood that highlighted the cheerful color and pattern of her bedding, they shook their head.
They knew better than to invite her down to supper, tonight. She would tell them to leave her alone, or that she wasn't hungry. Aunt Pinkie wasn't hungry frequently, these days.
Eventually, Pinkie slept again. This time, more than a nap, and this time not broken by any strange dreams involving her violent end. She yawned and struggled out of bed, shaking her mane out and trotting towards the bathroom.
First, a quick shower. She stood under the warm spray for quite a while, scrubbing away the stickiness she had accrued over the night. She smiled a little bit as she turned off the water and shook herself dry.
She grabbed down a towel and finished drying herself, pulling a brush onto her hoof and running the stiff bristles through her mane to finish straightening and neatening it. Satisfied, she squeezed a small amount of toothpaste onto her brush.
She hummed as she brushed for a full sixty seconds. She spat, rinsed her mouth out with warm water, then a shot of the spearmint-flavored antiseptic. With a slight wince as it irritated a cavity, she sighed a little bit, before sipping a fluoride rinse into her maw and swishing it.
Her alarm clock chirped cheerfully in her bedroom, causing her to flick the strand of floss she had into the garbage. Four AM. Time for her morning to officially start. She smiled as she ventured downstairs as quietly as she could manage with shod hooves.
Immediately she moved to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, cooking herself a fried egg inside a piece of toast for breakfast while she waited on the pot. Setting both on a tray, she trotted to a small table near the kitchen window, settling down and pouring a small measure of syrup across her meal.
She ate in her own silent companionship, overcome with a deep melancholy as she gave the two empty chairs at her table a pointed look. She and Fluttershy used to eat breakfast together… And then Dash would come in a little bit later for coffee and a bagel…
But they wouldn’t be coming today. Never again. None of her friends would remember that today was her birthday.
Pinkie sighed deeply, and returned to her meal. The twins would be waking up soon. Before getting them up for school, she rose and carefully washed her dishes.
She smiled to herself as she gently shook her charges awake, venturing downstairs to make them a breakfast of buckwheat pancakes while they got ready for school. She smiled sadly and watched from the doorway as they ate in silence, before venturing upstairs to begin decorating. Today was her birthday, after all.
Too bad nopony would show. Perhaps it was time for her childhood friends to make an appearance.
A few hours later, she was smiling crookedly in the midst of a semi-circle made by the inanimate friends she'd made as a filly. Careful hooves were knotting a section of rope into a tight noose, with a lot of extra slack left in it.
She took a deep breath and made sure everything the Cake twins would need was left out on her bed, before trotting slowly out onto her balcony. Standing on the railing as Zecora would, she carefully tied the end of the rope around one of the roof's gables, so she'd swing out away from the balcony and the sudden stop at the bottom of the rope would snap her neck.
Quick. More or less instant, painless. She would be with her friends again, in the Everafter. She smiled softly and took a deep breath as she nudged the bottom of the noose against her chin.
Her attention was caught down on the ground by a flash of white. She paused, tilting her head as she bit her lip, one ear flicking. On the cobbles before Sugarcube Corner, somepony in an obscuring cloak carried a card bearing the note "Drop!". Why hadn't they called out to her if they were being so mean?
She shook her head as her ears pinned, the mare looking up at the sky for a moment, thinking of how Dash used to flash across it like a multicolored fire. She blinked as she found herself peering back at the ground far below her again. The word on the card had changed to "Don't?"
Now she had a mystery on her hooves. She snorted and hopped off the railing, tearing through the building before throwing open the doors to the sweet shop. She had exited just in time to see the pony's cape flutter around the corner.
She snorted again and pawed, leaving the door standing open as she charged down the busy Ponyville street, making the turn and casting about for the mare. There! Down the lane that lead to Carousel Boutique!
Pinkie would catch her, she would make her regret being such a MEANIE. She laughed out loud to herself, her mane flowing and frizzing in the wind caused by her flat-out run in the direction the other mare had gone.
There! Leaving the boutique with one of Rarity's saddlebags! Stealing from a (former) friend and being mean to her! That just wouldn't stand. Unfortunately, the mare was much younger than she was. Her knee ached as a filly lent her scooter to the chase.
But it was no use, no matter how fast she ran, the other was always a step ahead. Sometimes leading her down dead alleys just to disappear, and re-appear running across the mouth of the alley.
At one point, a pink mare beamed and held out a cup of water to her as she ran. She took it in her teeth and tipped it up to take a sip, before jerking her head to douse her face in the cool water.
"Come on... catch up... do it, Pinkie!"
She noticed the mare beginning to tire, grinning as she watched the other catch a cab. Well, two could play at that. She simply told the pink mare in the tracings to follow. Somehow the other managed to elude them. She huffed and tossed a hoofful of bits, hopping down and tearing off in the direction she thought she'd seen the mare.
There! There she went! Pinkie knew where she was being lead now. The curly-maned mare snorted and pawed as she slowed to a trot, hoofing one of Applejack's barn doors the rest of the way open. She entered slowly, looking around in the dimness.
A sudden flurry of motion started from one corner, and she pounced. Her heavy Earth pony body collided with something solid, and both were sent sprawling out on the floor in the old hay. She grinned a little bit and ripped open the cloak.
She was greeted by a melancholy smile she'd seen in her mirror just that morning. A pink mare of muted pink, with a straight-hanging darker-colored mane. As she tried to process this, the mare leaned up and brushed her snout with Pinkie's. The interior of the barn was decorated, and a cake stood on a small table. This all felt familiar...
Suddenly, she remembered- she'd been seeing this mare all day. A pink mare in a tracksuit had given her water. A straight-maned filly had given up her scooter. A pony with balloons on her flank had worn a cab-puller's cap and accepted her hoofful of bits.
As she collapsed onto her haunches, the other her looped her forelegs around her barrel. She whispered, softly, under her breath. Her words carried no less impact for their volume.
"You'll never need to be alone again... Because I will always be your friend."
