[Classic] The Scootaloo Diaries

Rainbow wondered about the missing pages, what they could have been, and why they were gone. She closed her eyes and tried to consider all the possibilities that were plaguing her mind. The image of Scootaloo cowering beneath her hoof was like a stain on her imagination. The possibility that somepony had hit her recently seemed more than likely. Would Cheerilee? No, Silver? No... Cheerilee? Ugh... Rainbow refused to jump to conclusions despite the evidence she was creating in her mind.

She forced the thoughts away and decided to read on. Surely if any entry was going to take her in the right direction, it'd be this one.

Cheerilee has been getting on my nerves lately. She won't stop bugging me to do things I don't want to do. I like spending my afternoons with Silver Spoon, and she wants me to come straight home after school so we can do things together. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want to just abandon Silver like that. She needs us to hang out or she'll get depressed. Diamond Tiara doesn't even acknowledge her anymore, not since Silver broke up with her. They've stopped talking altogether and it's my fault. I can't just up and abandon her after she left her marefriend for me.

Cheerilee'll just have to understand. I hate to do it, but I might have to remind her of our situation. I know I'm hard on her, but she's just going to have to deal with this until I can figure out what to do with Silver. I know she might read this, but it'll be easier than actually telling her anyway. I don't care. I really love her so much, but I can't make myself choose between her and my best friend.

I guess I should probably try to push Silver and Diamond together somehow, but I don't know for sure if I want to do that. I'd hate to never get to see her again, but I think I'm running out of leeway with Cheerilee. I don't know what I'm doing with her anymore.

Okay, I just reread what I wrote and that's terrible. I should want to spend every second of my life with Cheerilee! I love her, so why do I want to leave? I wish I knew somepony who could just give me all the answers. I wish I knew for myself, but I'm too blind to see where I should go next. The things I've been thinking about really scare me, like I shouldn't be this way. Sometimes I think the right answer is obvious, but I'm just too weak-minded to make myself do it. Sometimes Cheerilee's face is blurry when everything around her is clear, like I'm looking past her, or through her. Maybe it's just my tears blurring the source of my broken heart.

I'm slipping away from what I used to be. It's hard to find what I can't really see, and when the worst is all you can see, sometimes things just begin to seem worse than they really are. Who is Cheerilee to me? I used to think she was just a mare I fell in love with: my teacher and my lover, my home and my provider. But she's something else. She's something I fell into - not quite what I used to think. She's a malicious wretched wraith devouring my innocence, disguised as a magnanimous provider of care and refuge. Is that me? The wanderer caught in her web of lies, as she feasts on my naïvety and ignorance?

Maybe I'm just the foolish lover, a foal too young to realize a good thing when she has it. Who am I to ask for more? For anything for that matter? I'm a nopony, a loser, a mistake spawned from a series of mistakes much older than I. I'm just part of a never-ending chain of mistakes, meant to continue carving the path of failure and misery. I've learned a lot this past year. Cheerilee has helped me study, helped turn me into a better mare and a better student. She says I can go far in this world. That I have amazing potential, and that an aptitude for learning new things only goes as far as my willingness to pursue a career and an attitude to match it.

She's taught me to look at things in a way I never did before. When I really put my mind to it, things become clearer and choices seem obvious. When I put my mind to my own life problems, I can see the answers in the distance, but my will to reach them disappears. I almost think I'm subconsciously forcing myself to avoid a solution, because I'd rather live this way forever. I can't say that though. It's not true. I hate living this way.

I've learned so much, and my cutie mark still refuses to appear. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle both have theirs. It's just not right. I've learned so much, and I'm so good at so many things, but I can't seem to make anything my own. I can't worry about that right now though. I need to make more solutions and stop creating so many problems.

It's almost time for Rainbow to read this I think. She might be able to pull me out of this mess. In the meantime, I need to take charge around here and make sure Cheerilee stays in her place. I'll have to do it, I'll use my situation against her and make her let me do what I want. Sometimes I wish I didn't love that mare. I'd leave her in a heartbeat, but I can't make myself. I'd never get over it. I'd never make it on my own. I need her and she needs me, I love her and she loves me too. It's a simple relationship if you don't think about it.

I'm gonna go do what I gotta do now.

~Scootaloo, out-

***

Scootaloo stood over the edge of the cloud Rainbow's home rested upon. She stared at the ground that seemed so far away. With three deep breaths, she jumped. Her wings instinctively spread and she began to frantically flutter. She knew she was able to safely jump out of windows and off trees, but this was by far the highest distance she'd ever jumped from. As she approached the ground, she began to flutter more urgently. She landed in a full stumbling gallop as she hit the ground. After a few steps, she toppled over and rolled across the road.

"Ow, my head..." she said as she held onto a suddenly sore spot on her flank.

With a few quick shakes, she brushed the dust off herself and began to trot down the road. She made her way back to Silver Spoon's house. It was dark and all the lights were off. She considered knocking but decided against it. Looking up, she noticed Silver's window was still open.

"Psst, Silver, can you hear me?" she whispered as loudly as she could.

Moments later, a little gray head peeked out the window. "Scootaloo? What are you doing here?"

"Just let me in. I'll explain later." She stood there, nervously shifting back and forth on her hooves.

Silver Spoon trotted downstairs and opened the door, before turning and leading the other filly back up to her room. Scootaloo immediately placed her hoof on Silver's cheek and pulled her into a kiss. The two stood still for a moment, enjoying a moment of affection as if nothing had happened. Once the kiss broke, Scootaloo saw the pain that remained in Silver Spoon's eyes.

"I'm so sorry about earlier. I don't know why I wanted to leave you. You were right - it's Cheerilee that I need to break up with. I just... well, before I... Silver, are you sure you love me and want this to be a 'forever' kind of thing?" Scootaloo bit her lip and looked at the floor.

"Scootsy, you know I do." Silver smiled and place a hoof on Scoot's cheek.

"How do I know for sure?" Scootaloo asked.

"How do you know for sure that I know for sure that I love you? You're just going to have to trust me Scootaloo." Silver giggled and kissed her lover on the muzzle.

Scootaloo smiled and turned away. "How do you know for sure?"

Silver Spoon dropped her smile and looked over to her bookshelf. "Remember that song I wrote for you Scootaloo? I've never written anything before, never even tried. I never wanted to, but after I fell in love, I just felt like I had to sing for you."

Scootaloo wore a crooked grin, guilt beginning to overtake her once again. "I do remember, I loved it..."

Silver Spoon trotted over to the bookshelf and opened her notebook. The song was somewhere in the middle, so she skimmed through the pages until she found it.

"Ahem... I wrote this when I fell in love - the falling inspired it." Silver cleared her throat and blushed, then began reading from her notebook as she sang her lyrics.

There's this thing in my chest just like pain, except it feels good

And if I could explain this to you, you know that I would

There's this thing in my life scaring me, but it means me no harm

It just stays here with me all night long, and brings me your charm

Now tell me it's obvious, tell me that I should have known

Is this what you meant when you said, I'd never be alone

Is this, love

Is this really love~

Because I can't catch on

Can't give in

Can't get up

Can't sit still

I just can't believe

Can't reach out

Can't let you

Make this true

There's this thing buried deep in my heart, I saved it for you

It's the only thing I have to give, not sure if that's true

There's this thing in the back of my mind, a question or two

Only you have the answers I need, now tell me, Scootaloo

Tell me it's obvious, tell me that I should have known

Tell me what you meant when you said, I'd never be alone

This thing in my chest, my life, my heart and my mind

It finally makes sense to me now, I think I've been blind

Because I just caught on

I gave in

I got up

Found my will

I just made believe

Love received

I'll let you

Make this true

So tell me it's obvious, tell me that I should have known

Is this what you meant when you said I'd never be alone

I didn't ask for this, I didn't even want this to start

But you held out your hoof, and I, just gave you my heart

Is this really love

You made it true

It's obvious now

Scootaloo

Each young mare looked the other in the eye. The rekindled relationship burned stronger than ever, after having survived its greatest trial so far. Scootaloo's heart pounded in her chest as she recalled all the wonderful moments she had shared with her amazing lover over the past year.

Silver placed the notebook down and smiled. "So do you believe me? I don't have to write a new song do I? Because I will."

"I believe you. I'm sure about everything now: I want to be with you Silver, and only you. I love you." Scootaloo wrapped her hooves around her lover and began spinning in circles while standing on her back hooves.

Silver clumsily allowed her partner to guide her around the room in loving twirls with a smile. "What are you doing Scootsy?"

"We're dancing, duh." She laughed and began spinning faster, now only holding Silver's front hooves.

"Dancing... You're so weird sometimes." Silver blushed and continued to let her lover guide her through a series of twirls and sidesteps.

"I can't sing, but I can do this. This is like my version of singing to you, ya know?" Scootaloo wrapped a hoof around the filly's hips as she pulled her in closer and slowed down, interlocking her other front hoof with Silver's.

"It's beautiful, love." Silver Spoon rested her head on Scootaloo's shoulder and began to hum her song.

Scootaloo slowed down a bit more to match Silver's rhythm and closed her eyes. "I couldn't sleep knowing you were hurt. I had to come see you, and I'm really glad I did. This is just so right. How could I have been such an idiot for so long?"

"Shh, don't worry about that. You're here now, and that's what matters. Stay the night with me. Stay forever." The two began to slowly sway.

"Okay..." Scootaloo smiled, finally feeling at ease.

She stood tall on her back hooves and span Silver around beneath her foreleg, then lowered her down gently to the carpet. The little gray mare had her breath taken away as Scootaloo's hoof rested softly behind her head. After a moment of intimate eye contact, the two began to kiss. More passionate than before, they easily lost themselves in a sea of sensuality.

Rainbow continued skimming through chapters, absorbing all the information she could as quickly as possible. She soon reached the end once again. Scootaloo's entry for her stood out. Rainbow recalled having helped her make a big decision - apparently she was responsible for Scootaloo staying with Cheerilee in the first place. If only the time they had spent together last year could have completely pushed her in the right direction.

Rainbow sighed and placed her hooves over her eyes. Why are you so undesirable Cheerilee? She realized she had quite the arduous task ahead of herself if she wished to convince Scootaloo to choose Cheerilee.

She flipped through the entire diary again, her mind wandering. Twilight Sparkle had brought a new kind of priority to light: there's more to life than a mare as young as Scootaloo could ever realize.

"Oh Scootaloo, you're gonna hate me for this. But you'll thank me in the end." Rainbow spoke aloud in the middle of the dark and empty room.

She decided to head upstairs and get some sleep. Twilight was sprawled out across the sheets, her blanket on the floor and her tongue hanging out. Rainbow couldn't help but chuckle under her breath at the sight. She pulled the blanket over her lover with her teeth and climbed in. Twilight cuddled up and hugged onto her partner. Rainbow took great comfort in having a warm bed and a mare to call her own. This kind of love was the best thing to happen to her. It had given her a new appreciation for the things life had to offer, and a new perspective on what was truly important in the world.

As the sun broke the horizon, Twilight let out a deep yawn. She rolled over and kissed Rainbow on the forehead, then climbed out of bed to prepare for the day. Only an hour later, Rainbow woke as well. She stretched and yawned before cracking her neck and heading downstairs.

"Mornin' guys," Rainbow groggily greeted her friends as she yawned yet again.

"Good morning, I didn't expect you to be up so early." Twilight smiled and sat her book down.

"Me neither. But hay, what can ya do? Sorry I can't stay, I have a lot of stuff to deal with today, and the sooner the better." Rainbow waved her lover down and trotted outside.

Twilight just shrugged and went back to reading. She'll be back to her old self soon... I hope.

Rainbow flew straight to her old home to check on Scootaloo, but the mare was nowhere to be found. "Scootaloo?!" Rainbow shouted through the house.

She trotted through and realized she was alone. Confused, she flew down and made her way to Cheerilee's home. Rather than using the front door, she went straight through the still-open upper window. Cheerilee groaned loudly as Rainbow pushed the curtains aside, allowing the piercing sunlight to flood the otherwise dark room.

"Good morning sunshine!" Rainbow shouted ruthlessly.

The hungover mare placed her hooves on her throbbing head. "Please Rainbow, what is it? Speak quietly."

"Oh, you know. It's just me trying to save your sorry excuse for a relationship. Get up and stop being an idiot for a while - you have an amazing little mare who's way out of your league to try and impress. She's probably going to leave your worthless, pathetic ass if you don't straighten up, and then I'd have to kill you." Rainbow casually trotted around the room, invading Cheerilee's privacy.

"What? What do you mean? Leave me? She'd never..." Cheerilee leaned over the bed and dry-heaved.

"Need a bucket?" Rainbow couldn't resist rolling her eyes as Cheerilee shook her head. "You're a real catch aren't you? I can see why Scootaloo likes you so much."

"I'm not always... I'm... always, not always like this." She wiped her mouth and headed towards the shower.

"You have one day to convince me that you're worth this kid's affection. Otherwise I'm taking her away from you." Rainbow sounded harsh and serious.

"You can't do that, I have custody of her." Cheerilee listlessly pointed out.

"And I have a diary recording lots and lots of sexual activity between you two." Rainbow grinned.

"Right... So what do I have to do?" Cheerilee asked with wide eyes.

"Just be yourself, the way you used to be. You're a wreck right now, not something anypony wants to deal with. Stand up to Scootaloo's selfish crap and remind her that you're a pony full of love and feelings too. She's still a kid in a lot of ways, but with a little push, she'll come around." Rainbow seemed to have had a complete change of heart, her tone brightening with her smile.

"You're right... It's just hard to be myself when I'm so depressed. I can't explain how it feels. Imagine if you loved a pony, and they openly cheated on you every single day. I love that little filly so much, I can't make myself leave her - I just want her to stop. She has to feel something for me, but I think she's just using me because I help her though school and give her everything she needs. I'm just glad she comes home to me every night, I couldn't do this anymore if I didn't have her to hold me while we sleep. I'd, I'd lose my mind. I can't... I just can't explain properly." Cheerilee broke down into a fit of tears.

"It's alright, you don't have to explain. I can imagine. That'll stop though. I'll make sure you and Scootaloo have an awesome relationship. She doesn't get it right now, but she's learning. This is what you get for getting with such a young mare; she has a lot to learn and you're going to have to stick with her through it all." Rainbow placed her hoof on Cheerilee's shoulder and looked her in the eye.

"I can't thank you enough for this, Dash." Rainbow patted her on the head and went back over to the window.

"Don't mention it, but you can thank me by making sure I'm not wasting my time alright? Remember, when I get Scootaloo over here with you, be yourself. Stop all this wussy depression stuff. Nopony wants to be around that, and Scootaloo isn't good at dealing with it. You need to convince her you're worth loving and want to be loved. Trust me, it's gonna work - just play your part and smile." Rainbow nodded to the teacher and turned to fly out the window. Cheerilee laid back down and sighed, hoping this would be as easy as Rainbow said it'd be.