Magical Girl Noir: The Equestrian Assignment

by Domzory

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 1555

You are a magical girl, well more like THE magical girl. As your officios newest Warmaster you didn't have high hopes for your first assignment, but you certainly didn't expect it to involve girly talking horses.

Your name is Chiaki Matsuda, or as you are more commonly referred to "Murderface", and you are a magical girl. Not just any magical girl though, you are the newly minted Warmaster of the 9th Officio Assasinorium and right hand to the 9th incubator Kyuubey. For your first assignment you expected something more fitting your new station, not to be tasked with glorified guard duty for some foreign wedding, even more shocking is when your principals turn out to be a bunch of multi-colored horses. Yea your going to need to a stiff drink to make it through this one.

This is told from a second person point of view. I am sticking with the teen rating but expect there to be some minor blood and gore, and some coarse language in the story.

This is a cross-over between Magical Girl Noir Quest by Deculture and MLP FIM by our lord and savior Lauren Faust. Cover art is also by Deculture. I OWN NOTHING THIS IS A STRICTLY NON PROFIT FAN WORK!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-16 20:30:04 UTC

Prologue: The Assignment

     You are a magical girl, not just any magical girl, no you are the one and only Warmaster of the 9th Officio Chiaki "Murderface" Matsuda and right now you are pissed off. Not disgruntled, not upset, not angry, you are honest to god pissed off. But no matter how pissed you are, you are still a professional so blowing up at your boss is unfortunately not going to happen. Said boss, the smug little bastard cat that he is, remains in his office chair looking across his fancy desk as though he hadn't just crushed your soul and robbed you of all your happiness.

     "Please Matsuda no need to be so melodramatic about it, this is nothing more than a simple guard mission." said Kyuubey.

     There it is something else you hate about the damn alien cat, mind reading; or as he insists mind "skimming" as straight reading would be an invasion of privacy. Damn cats and their damn powers.

     "Enough now Matsuda back to the issue at hand" he interrupts you before you are able to fall further into your inevitable hate spiral. "This mission is a simple affair, go to the coordinates and meet the principal's aide, you will then proceed to follow their instructions, in order to best guard our new clients throughout their event."

     Right the so called royal wedding, in the so called far away land, that you are being shipped off to for your near foreseeable future. Well you are a magical girl so a magical world isn't to big a of stretch of the imagination but Kyuubey could at least try and make this dignified. You are the 9th Warmaster for heavens sake! If being your incubators right hand and leader to all 1000 girls in the 9th Officio isn't worth some respect then you don't know what is, whether you deserve your position at all is another issue entirely, but its the principle of the thing!

     "Yes, yes, I understand your concerns Matsuda, but now you need to understand. This is a new foreign client and if things go well on this OP, the Officio stands to make quite the profit as well as a possible future business partner. Therefore I have decided to send my best to personally take care of their needs. Do you understand Matsuda?" asked Kyuubey.

     Well yes you do understand and you tell him as much, although you think it is a little strange that your Officio is the one handling a foreign client, usually a foreign Officio would take a contract outside of your country, but you brush this off readily enough when you remember just how greedy your boss can be.

      "Good as long as you understand what is at stake here for yourself and the Officio as a whole then everything should be fine" Kyuubey says as he jumps off his high backed leather chair and makes to leave his office.

     You call out to him just as he reaches the door and ask the million dollar question "What the hell are you supposed to be guarding anyways?".

     "Why Matsuda I thought I mentioned this earlier, you will be guarding a group of ponies of course, 6 of them to be precise from an unspecified threat during the royal wedding of one Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. It's all there in the file I gave you". He takes a pause before proceeding "Is your memory acting up again Matsuda? Perhaps you should stop by medical before you depart?".

     "No" you respond gruffly, you are not having problems with your already laughably bad memory, you just weren't paying attention to anything after the mention of being forced to guard some princess' pet's during her wedding.

     "Hmmm well then if that is all, I will take my leave. Good hunting Warmaster" Kyuubey says as he finally takes off leaving you alone in the extravagant office to gather your thoughts.

     "Ponies" you grumble. "Saddling your best with royalty is one thing, but with that royalty's pets"... that's something else entirely.

     Well there isn't anything for it, a job is a job, even if it is demeaning and beneath you, so be it. After all you are a magical girl, a drunk, pill popping, half insane magical girl, but a magical girl nonetheless, and besides that you are a professional and professionals always get the job done.

Prologue 2: The Squad

     As you leave your bosses office you stop and take a moment to take stock of yourself. You are wearing your magical girl costume as you almost always do, it is a simple thing purple on white with some black accents that make for a very eye catching color scheme. That is it would be eye catching if the battle worn and scarred shield on your arm didn't already turn heads when ever it was seen. The thing has defiantly seen use, which is made evident by the vicious battle scaring adorning its front. It ticks occasionally letting the world know that this beaten piece of metal may still hold secrets yet.

     Taking stock of where you are you look around in waiting room to the penthouse office belonging to one CEO of QB Heavy Industries, aka your resident incubator and boss Kyuubey. In the waiting room is your aide and one of your few friends Midori Hanegawa. The girl has long green hair and is wearing casual clothing as opposed to her magical girl costume. Midori is what is known as a Callidus, a type of magical girl that focuses on espionage and creating illusions. Where as your former Vindicare rank focused more on ventilating targets at extreme ranges. Sitting next to Midori is a couple of magical girls obviously engaging in some very open and very risque PDA, your two other aides, first is your friend/drinking buddy Kyoko Sakura and your second in command, the local magical Blueberry, and all around top bitch Sayaka Miki both in their costumes Kyoko's with a red get up while Sayaka's is blue with a cape. Both Kyoko and Sayaka are magical girls known as Eversors, which primarily focus on up close and brutal combat and have a reputation for having various violent eccentricities and other such nonsense like praying to a blood god and crafting skull thrones.

     This is your retinue, yes you have access to any employee magical girl or otherwise under Kyuubey's employ but these three especially are yours. All three of which have saved your sorry hide on more than one occasion and you feel that you owe them a little for that so you try to be sociable at the very least around them.

     "Oi Murderface, what the fuck took you so long?" grouches Sayaka, while Kyoko just gives her a look. You take a second to compose yourself and let her choice words sink in. There's a very good reason you chose Sayaka as your second and not Kyoko who is a good friend and as such someone who aparently likes you. It is simple really, Sayaka hates your guts, end of story she is both willing and able to check you when you take something too far as you are wont to do from time to time.

     Brought out of your introspective state you reply with a brief summery of your new assignment and hand her the mission briefing that Kyuubey gave you in his office. You tell your retinue to get their shit packed because you will be leaving early the next morning to reach the rendezvous point.

     "Off to baby sit some horses how exciting, damn Murderface if you needed money you could have just asked me, this mission is pathetic". Says Kyoko whilst trying to contain her laughter, you are aware of how it looks and don't need her input so you tell her to simply shut the hell up and get going.

     After you get the couple sorted out and tell them to get their stuff together, you move on to Midori who has been drawing on a sketchpad while waiting for you to finish your conversations and giving orders.

     When you move to get her attention she attempts to hide her sketch pad while stuttering and blushing like a teenager caught looking at something she shouldn't be, but after she recovers her composure, and you explain the mission overview. All she does is calmly ask when you would be leaving.

      This is suspicious, any sane person would be at the very least concerned over such a ridiculous mission, so it begs to question why isn't she? When asked she nervously chuckles and tries to play it off as her not looking foreword to dealing with royalty. Well whatever you will find out eventually, she is terrible at keeping secrets by the looks of it, now that you got your retinue, you just need to see a few people and let them know your heading out of town, so you will probably have to get someone around the office to call shots while you are away. That is easy enough and you got just the girl in mind too, you just need to find her.