The Cutie Mark Crusaders and the Ancient Temple

by GoldenState3

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Dark, Human, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure
Length: 6336

The Cutie Mark Crusaders discover a mysterious temple deep in the heart of the Everfree. Join the crusaders, as they answer that age old question: What can 500,000 Metric tons of high level waste teach about friendship?

It's a peaceful summer afternoon. The kind of summer afternoon that just causes foals to want to get into trouble. The Cutie Mark Crusaders have answered that call (as they so often do). Their latest Crusade takes them deep into the Everfree Forest, where they find the ruins of Human civilization. Eager to start their next adventure, the Crusaders recruit Rainbow Dash, and Lyra (Ponyville's resident crackpot anthropologist), and they set out to explore. However, instead of the hoped for divine tomb, they've really just broken into a hastily sealed nuclear waste repository. The Crusaders get bored, and everypony gets soaked in radioactive sludge.

Edited by Sourichan

Published 2013-12-06 10:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-06 10:40:02 UTC

The Cutie Mark Crusaders and the Ancient Temple

Sweetie Belle refused to let the other Crusaders know she was scared. It hadn't been her idea to set their latest Crusade in the Everfree, in fact, she'd strongly argued against it. But Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had really liked the idea, and Sweetie hadn’t wanted to be left out of the crusade. She was softly singing a song to herself off in front, while Apple Bloom and Scootaloo followed behind.

"So, Applejack bucked the Timber Wolf, and splinters went flying everywhere! Kaboom!" Apple Bloom said.

"Rainbow Dash would have done the samething, but awesomer!" Scootaloo replied.

"No one is more awesome than Applejack," Apple Bloom said.

"Maybe we shouldn't fight in the forest. Remember what happened with Discord? Besides, Rarity is cooler than Applejack and Rainbow Dash," Sweetie Belle said.

The other Crusaders glared at her, but they didn't say anything. Sweetie knew there was going to be a pillow fight about this once they got out of the forest, but for now the others stayed silent. They'd left the path long ago, but Scootaloo had been laying a trail of cupcake crumbs behind them to help them find their way out.

The forest was dark around them, despite it being a summer afternoon. Ancient tree limbs crossed overhead, making the sky visible only in patches. Vines grew from tree to tree, featuring flowers in extreme colors that Sweetie had never seen before. The flowers, despite their beauty, were bothering her. They had a brilliant purple circular center, always surrounded by three petals. The color of the petals varied, but they were always in some loud, eye-catching colors. Sweetie half-remembered some lecture that Ms. Cheerilee had given, about how flowers used their colors to attract bees. These flowers were beyond merely attracting bees. The pinks, yellows and greens of flowers almost seemed to glow in the near dark, they were so luminous. The flowers looked down right unnatural, leaving Sweetie Belle wondering what had made them. She knew that there was magic that powerful Unicorns could perform that could change the appearance of plants. That was, she decided, the most likely explanation.

She wondered if any creatures lived in this part of the forest. She hadn't heard anything for a while, but in the Everfree, that wasn't saying anything. Many of the creatures of the Everfree were magic, and perfectly capable of hiding themselves.

Sweetie Belle slowed down. Maybe she'd let the fearless Scootaloo take the lead for a while.

The ground was starting to get more and more overgrown as they proceeded. They came upon a few roots that they had to jump or climb over. It didn't look like anypony had ever seen this area before. Scootaloo pushed through a layer and vines and stopped.

Apple Bloom crashed into her rump, and Sweetie crashed into Apple Bloom's.

"Ohff, you've got your hoof in my ribs," Apple Bloom said.

"Uouff goff yo hooss in my bouth," Sweetie Belle said.

Apple Bloom pulled her hoof out of Sweetie Belle's mouth, and Scootaloo removed her wings from Apple Bloom's face. The Pegasus jumped to her feet, and excitedly pointed at a giant pillar. It was made of gray stone, and it towered high over the Crusaders. Sweetie Belle was certain that it was at least as tall as her house, probably taller.

A few feet over her head was an image of a strange creature drawn only in silhouette. It was standing on two legs, with one of its hind legs extended behind it parallel to the ground, and the other extending far in front of it. Its fore legs were extended parallel to the ground, with one in front of the creature, and the other behind it. An arrow extended out in front of the creature, beckoning the Crusaders forwards.

"Is that... a Human?" Sweetie Belle asked.

She'd heard of Humans before, well legends and stories of them. According to the stories, Humans had inhabited Equestria before Ponies. No one knew anything about Humans, or even what they looked like in anything but the vaguest terms. But that didn't stop ponies from spreading stories about them, though no sensible ponies believed any of them.

Now, there were ponies that did believe such stories. They were usually humored, and treated as harmless. In fact, one of the Unicorns in Ponyville, Lyra, was obsessed with humans. She'd talk any pony's ears off if they even said anything remotely Human-related in her presence. Lyra went as far as to even sit like she supposed a human would sit.

"Hey! I have idea for our next Crusade!" Scootaloo said.

"We aren't done checking to see if we get our naturalist Cutie Marks yet," Sweetie Belle said.

"Why'd you want a stupid naturalist Cutie Mark anyway?" Scootaloo said. "An Archaeologist Cutie Mark would be so much cooler. If I had that, Rainbow Dash would be sure to adopt me."

Scootaloo had been working out a long and complex plan to get adopted by Rainbow Dash. So far she hadn't met with much success, although the older Pegasus had agreed to be her mentor. Sweetie Belle couldn't see how an archaeologist Cutie Mark could possible help her towards those ends.

"If I had an archaeologist Cutie Mark, I could be just like Daring Do!" Scootaloo said, seeing her friend’s blank faces.

"Oh, that makes sense," Apple Bloom said.

"So what do we do? Do we go further?" Scootaloo said.

"I don't know. I don't like this part of the forest," Sweetie Belle said. "Maybe we could come back with adults. I'm sure that Twilight would love to explore Human ruins."

"Twilight is a stick in the mud. We should have the coolest pony in Ponyville come with us," Scootaloo said.

"Rarity would never come this deep into forest. There is too much mud, and muck. Besides, she has dresses that she had to finish. That's why she kicked me out," Sweetie Belle said.

"Why'd we bring Rarity with us? I'm talking about Rainbow Dash! She's twenty percent cooler than any pony in Ponyville," Scootaloo said.

"I guess it would be okay for Rainbow Dash to come along," Sweetie Belle said.

The Crusaders retraced their crumb trail back to Ponyville. It was dinnertime by the time they got back, so they decided to meet the next morning, and convince Dash to go with them before heading into the forest.

The next morning, the Crusaders met in Ponyville's town square. Scootaloo had located Dash, asleep atop a fluffy cloud above the rooftops. After a brief stint as Cutie Mark Crusaders, ninjas, they'd made it to a roof roughly level with Rainbow Dash. Dash was snoring quietly, and peacefully. Sweetie Belle felt bad for disturbing her.

"Hey Rainbow Dash, want to do something cool?" Scootaloo shouted.

Rainbow Dash sat up in shock, before she settled back down on her tummy, and faced the Crusaders.

"What's up, Squirt?" Dash asked.

"We found a super cool Human ruin in the Everfree Forest! You want to explore it with us?" Scootaloo asked.

A window opened to their left, and Lyra poked her head out of it.

"Did you say a Human ruin?" she asked.

"Yeah! It's a Human Ruin!" Scootaloo said. "We found a picture of one and everything."

"Really! Then you'll need me! I'm Ponyville's resident anthropologist!" Lyra said.

Sweetie Belle didn't know what an anthropologist was, but she assumed it was somepony that played the lyre at foal's birthday parties, as that was what Lyra did. She was about to ask why this would be a valuable skill in a human ruin when Rainbow Dash asked first.

"An anthro what now?" Dash asked.

"An anthropologist is someone who studies Humans," Lyra said.

"Oh, so it's a fancy way to say crackpot," Rainbow Dash said.

"Rainbow Dash!" Apple Bloom said. "That wasn't nice."

"Everypony knows Humans are just a scary story that parents tell their foals," Rainbow Dash said. "Go to bed, or the Humans will take you and ride around on your back. "

"So, will you go with us, Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo asked.

"Well, you'll need adult supervision, so I don't see why not," Rainbow Dash said.

Sweetie Belle, her friends, Rainbow Dash and Lyra headed towards the Everfree. Much of Scootaloo's cupcake trail was still in place, so they made quick work of making it back to the pillar.

Lyra immediately ran up to it, and started making notes in a notebook. Rainbow Dash took one look at the symbol, and shook her head.

"I bet that's just some silly Zebra carving. We should ask Zecora what it means," Rainbow Dash said.

"This is the famous "Running Man" of Human legend. Humans carved him into all kinds of structures as a magic charm to ward off fire," Lyra said. "If you look at the worn off part of this inscription, you'll probably find a symbolic description of fire."

"I don't see anything that looks like fire," Rainbow Dash said, as she hovered above their heads.

"Well what do you see?" Lyra asked.

"It looks like that thing Twilight used to measure our wing strength," Rainbow Dash said.

Sweetie watched as Lyra levitated a piece of notebook paper to the spot where Dash's hoof was pointing. A pencil joined it as Lyra used it to generate a rubbing. When the Unicorn was done, she levitated it back down towards them. Sweetie Belle crowded in along with Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom to take a look. Sweetie Belle could see a small circle in the center, surrounded by three semicircles. It almost looked like the shape of the flowers that they’d seen the other day.

"That's a new one for me," Lyra said. "Maybe it's some kind of symbol to call upon some primitive form of wind magic."

Sweetie Belle had to admit that made sense. Symbols that looked like wind radiated out from the circle. Dash moved herself into a pouting position over their heads.

"I still say that's Zecora's work," Rainbow Dash said.

"Then how would she have gotten up that high?" Lyra said.

"She used a ladder! Duh," Dash replied.

"Have you ever seen a Zebra on a ladder?" Lyra said.

Sensing that the adults were going to keep at it for a while, the Crusaders pressed on ahead in the direction the Running Man pointed. The forest got thicker as they continued on, and despite it being a clear and pleasant mid-summer morning outside, this part of the forest was in permanent twilight.

The unnatural flowers were everywhere, popping out of the ground in odd locations. The vivid blooms had changed to just being black and red, with a sharp dividing line down the middle. This made Sweetie Belle even more nervous. There was something very unsettling about the red and black flowers, something that she just couldn’t put her hoof on. While the exotic colors of the flowers out past the pillar had made her curious, these were just creepy. She'd never seen black flowers before, and that wasn’t even taking into account the straight lines running down the middle of the flower. These black and red flowers also smelled funny. They had an almost putrid odor, like something had died inside, and was now rotting.

There was a noise behind her, and she turned in fright. Rainbow Dash had been too busy arguing with Lyra to notice where she was going, and she'd bumped into a branch and crashed. Scootaloo ran towards the fallen Pegasus, but Dash was already back on her hooves by the time the little Pegasus reached her.

"Are you alright!" Scootaloo shouted.

"I'm fine Squirt. That wasn't even a bump!" Dash said.

Scootaloo hugged Dash, and Dash returned the hug.

Lyra was studying the flowers. She used her mouth to cut one of each color, and she put them in her saddle bags.

"You don't think the Humans could have made those flowers, do you?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Have you ever seen black flowers like this before?" Lyra asked.

"So you’re just going to blame everything you've never seen before on humans?" Rainbow said. "You know, I've never seen a second place ribbon, so they must be made by Humans."

"Do you have a better explanation?" Lyra said.

Rainbow Dash was fuming, and Sweetie could see her mouth move as she tried to think up an appropriate response. When she couldn't, she just stuck out her tongue. Lyra glared at Dash, but she didn't respond. Instead, Lyra started walking again.

They walked for a half hour in silence. The forest became increasingly impassable, and there were a few instances where Rainbow Dash had to crash through through the underbrush in order to clear it. Sweetie wondered if there was more to the ruin than just the pillar. They'd come several miles at least. They didn't have any cupcake crumbs, but with Dash with them, that shouldn't be such a problem. She could just fly above the canopy and give them directions.

This was the kind of place out of some campfire ghost story. Now even the leaves on the bushes and shrubs had turned to red and black. She was thoroughly creeped out. Whatever Dash said, there was no way that any natural plant had such unnatural coloration, and if somepony had done the spell, why had they done it in such a remote and invisible part of the Everfree? Even the smell from the flowers was starting to get more intense. If Sweetie Bell hadn’t known better, she’d have guessed that the smell from the flowers was designed to convince ponies that it might be a good idea to stay away. But that was silly. What could possibly warrant going through that kind of trouble to keep ponies away from here?

All of this thinking was hurting her head, as she normally didn't think this hard. Still, this place was so mysterious that you had to think about it. It defied all of the logic that she had grown up with. Thinking had slowed her down, as she had a little bit of a problem doing two things at once. The rest of the group was ahead of her.

They were standing at an embankment. It was at least ten ponies tall, and mostly vertical. Rainbow Dash was already half way up it.

Lyra was impatiently tapping her hoof at the bottom of the wall while Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were watching Rainbow Dash. Sweetie Belle noted that the wall extended away from them as far as she could see. Because of the trees, this wasn't very far, but this was still the largest structure that she'd ever seen. Sweetie Belle didn't get out much, but she'd still seen Canterlot, and the Crystal Empire. This was larger, but not as grand.

The wall of earth seemed to be infinitely ancient. The trees growing out of it were as large as the trees in the surrounding area. Who or whatever had built this wall, had done it long ago. It must have taken thousands of Unicorns many years to make a wall this big. Dash's return saved Sweetie Belle from having to think anymore.

"It's not just tall, this thing is totally wide!" Rainbow Dash said. "It's like as wide as the town square in Ponyville."

"No way!" Scootaloo said.

"Now do you believe me?" Lyra said while continuing to tap her hoof.

"Nah, you could get a bunch of Unicorns like Twilight Sparkle, and throw this together in a jiffy," Rainbow Dash said. "It doesn't go all the way around though. There's a gap over on the other side, and we can go right over it."

It took them an hour to make it to the other side of the wall. The wall was a constant the entire way there, always looming over them, till they came to the place Rainbow Dash described.

The wall gently sloped down to an end. It was as if who ever was building it had suddenly decided that they'd built enough of a wall, and just decided to stop. Lyra scrambled up the slope, trying to reach the top, while Dash and the Crusaders waited at the bottom.

That was till Apple Bloom decided that Cutie Mark Crusaders, slope sliders, was the way to go. The ponies ran as high as they each could get, and then slid down the slope. They ended up in a pile at the bottom. This time, they had Rainbow Dash with them to break the tangle, so things went faster.

"That looked like fun!" Rainbow Dash said.

Dash flew back to the top of the wall, and slid down. She landed on her back, with her wings pointing off at odd angles just as Lyra returned.

"If you are done playing around, there is definitely something inside this wall," Lyra said. "It looks like it was Human."

"Human schuman. I haven't anything that wasn't built by a pony," Rainbow Dash said.

They proceeded slowly into area inside of the wall. Despite the wall, Sweetie Belle didn't notice anything different about the area inside it. The same red and black colored flowers and shrubs continued to grow everywhere. They walked for about ten minutes till they came to another one of the giant stone pillars.

There was writing on this one, with half of the message being in what looked to be a wide variety of languages, some merely being oddly placed collections of lines. There was a message in Equestrian too, but it didn't make any sense.

"What's biohazardous waste, and why would someone go through all this trouble to inform us it was buried here?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"This must be a key religious site! Biohazardous Waste must be one of the Human Gods," Lyra said. "Imagine the riches that they would have buried in a god's tomb! You be able to spend a lifetime studying humans! I can't wait to see the looks on those snooty stuck up Canterlot Unicorns when they see the human artifacts that I bring back. They'll be the ones spreading old mares tales!"

Rainbow Dash snorted aggressively and twitched her ears.

"Hey! Some of those snooty Canterlot Unicorns are my friends!" she said.

Sweetie Belle could see the excitement building in Rainbow Dash's eyes. Not even Daring Do got to go inside the tombs of dead gods on a regular basis. Sure, she was giving Lyra a hard time, but Sweetie Belle had been around Dash enough to know what she looked like when she was excited. With Dash excited, that also meant that Scootaloo was excited.

They continued their trek through the area inside the wall. Lyra was composing some kind of boring article about the discovery out loud.

"The outermost perimeter was protected by pillars, with symbols to ward off fire, and to ensure good winds over the site. The role of wind magic in Human religion is subject that requires further study, as this is the first verifiable Human site to show clear evidence of Humans using symbols to cast wind magic. Perhaps, as this is the first site related to Biohazardous Waste to be discovered, this is an indication that Biohazardous Waste was itself a wind god," she said.

Rainbow Dash was leading the way, her eyes as wide as cupcakes, her legs extended out as she flew. There was no denying that this was something special. Scootaloo tripped on a small object that was sticking out of the dirt. Sweetie Belle rushed over to help her, and Apple Bloom followed.

Together, the three dug the object out of the ground with their hooves. It was metallic, and small. It had an odd smoky luster to it. Sweetie Belle had never seen metal like it before in her life.

"What is it?" Scootaloo asked.

"How should I know?" Sweetie Belle said as she looked at Apple Bloom.

Apple Bloom was the brains in the outfit, and the other two naturally expected her to know what it was.

"It's pretty," Apple Bloom said.

The object was encased in a green aura, and Lyra started to study it.

"An object of unknown ritual function, made out of one of the metals of the gods, so named for their extreme durability, was found at the site. These metals are a sure sign of human manufacture, as they metals are resistant to being worked by all but the most powerful Unicorns," Lyra said as she added it to her saddle bags.

Sweetie Belle studied Lyra in awe. To have this level of knowledge of humans was amazing. She could identify the purpose and function of human artifacts just by studying them. Not to mention that it wasn't even her Cutie Mark! Prior to this, she'd assumed that a pony had one special talent, and that a pony was stuck with just that one talent for their entire life. Yet, here was Lyra with multiple talents.

"Hey you guys! Get over here! This is totally cool!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

The Crusaders headed over, with Lyra close on their hooves.

Rainbow Dash was standing in square structure built of stones in various states of collapse. There were trees growing everywhere inside and outside of the structure, and vines were wrapped around the stones.

As Sweetie Belle arrived inside the square, she realized that the structure hadn't collapsed, it hadn't ever been completed. Most of the stone blocks were stacked on their sides. Everything was made of the same grey stone as the pillars, and these stones were about the same size. There wasn't a unicorn in all of Equestria that could lift stones this size. Well, the Princesses could, but they could do anything, because they were princesses. Rainbow Dash was hovering in front of another giant stone.

This one was about two ponies tall, and it had another inscription on it. This was a much more complex inscription. There were drawings of the stars at the top, and the same odd sets of languages made up most of the writing. At the bottom, there was an inscription in Equestrian.

"The United States of America, in the year of our lord 2040 buried 500000 metric tons of radioactive waste below this area. The surface of the land is safe, but the buried material could be dangerous if the improperly moved or if the repository is damaged. The buried radioactive waste was produced by the fission of uranium to generate electricity. If the waste escapes this repository, it could be hazardous to life. More detailed information has been placed at major libraries and archives," Sweetie Belle read out loud.

"This must be some ancient curse!" Rainbow Dash said. "Daring Do always encounters ancient curses at tombs. That means there are going to be traps inside! This is going to be so cool!"

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventurers!" the Crusaders shouted in unison.

"The god Biohazardous Waste is referred to as Radioactive Waste. Perhaps this inscription is later, produced by offshoot sect of Biohazardous Waste's worshipers?" Lyra said. "The inscription also mentions another of the metals of the gods, in this case Uranium. Perhaps the item that was found outside was also made of this exotic, divinely protected metal? The exact use of this metal to produce electricity is unknown, perhaps this is a poorly translated attempt to describe Biohazardous Waste as a god that drops lightning bolts upon its enemies."

"Over here!" Apple Bloom shouted.

Sweetie Belle ran over. Apple Bloom was standing on top of a pile of stones that had been dropped upon a metal-lined hole in the ground.

"What kind of creature can move rocks of this size?" Scootaloo asked.

Sweetie Belle could tell her friend was shaking, but she must have been cold. There was no way that Scootaloo was scared. Scootaloo was never scared. Now, Sweetie was terrified. She hadn't thought about it before, but what kind of creature could lift stones of this size like nothing? Whatever kind of creature did this, it would have had to have carried it a long way, perhaps as far as the nearby mountains. It would have taken teams of unicorns, all in perfect coordination, to do something like that. Not to mention any creature that could inspire such awe and fear as to convince its followers to build something like this would be terrifying.

The scariest thing that Sweetie Belle had ever seen was the Ursa Minor that Snips and Snails had brought to town. Whatever Biohazardous Waste was, it had to be even more scary than that. Scarier by a long shot.

"The Humans had control of very powerful magic. They were able to accomplish feats that nopony, not even Celestia, could accomplish. That's why Celestia endeavors to hide their activities from her subjects! She's just jealous!" Lyra said.

"There isn't anything Celestia can't do!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

"Could she haul giant stones across countless miles like this?" Lyra asked.

"She just needs a good reason!" Scootaloo shouted.

Dash did a flying kick into the blocks of stone. After a few minutes, she broke through. The stone echoed as it fell down the shaft. It took forever for the stone to reach the bottom, and when it did, it made a loud splash. Dash flew into the shaft, and started a tornado that lifted the water out of the shaft.

The water flowed out in a mucky and muddy torrent. The water and mud was mixed with what looked to be an eternity’s worth of leaves and sticks. Most of the leaves and sticks stayed in the stream of water and muck, but a few broke free of the cyclone, and the ponies on the ground had to dodge. Dash directed the output of the cyclone towards the hole in the wall. Scootaloo was jumping and cheering, her little wings buzzing as she tried to hover.

"Way to go Dash!" she shouted.

Dash blushed and patted Scootaloo on the mane.

Everypony looked down the hole. Sweetie Belle couldn't see the bottom. Apple Bloom shouted into the hole, and the echo sounded distant and other worldly. This wasn't some simple boring hole in the ground. This was something truly special. Sweetie Belle knew instinctively that if there was any place that was fit to bury a god, it was in this shaft.

"Hopefully you didn't destroy the body," Lyra said, as she glared at Dash.

Lyra pulled a lantern out of her saddlebags, and lit it. She pulled a lanyard out, and secured the lantern to it. She levitated it over Dash's neck.

"I get to be the first pony down? Awesome!" Dash shouted.

Sweetie watched as Dash flew down into the hole. Her descent took what seemed to be hours. The light shrank smaller and smaller, till it finally disappeared. After another eternity, during which Sweetie Belle began to fear for Dash's life, the light became visible again. A few minutes later, Dash appeared.

"It's gotta be two thousand feet, if it's a foot," she said. "There's an olden pony down that can't wait to meet ya, Squirt."

Scootaloo made an eep noise, one that Sweetie Belle could have sworn was an expression of fear. That is, if she hadn't known Scootaloo better. Scootaloo ran off to hide behind one of the piles of stone blocks, while Rainbow Dash started laughing.

"You shoulda seen the look on your face! Totally priceless!" she snorted in between bouts of laughter.

"Do you make it a habit to pick on small foals?" Lyra asked.

Dash stopped laughing.

"Who wants to be the first pony down the hole?" Dash asked.

Everypony but Scootaloo raised a hoof. Dash grabbed Scootaloo anyway, and took off with the small Pegasus on her back. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle got into a game of tag around the fallen rocks while they waited for Rainbow Dash's return. Scootaloos protests could be heard the entire way down the shaft.

"I don't wanna get eaten by some olden pony! Don't leave me down there! Please!" Scootaloo begged.

]

"Think of how awesome it'll be! You'll be the first pony to set foot in that tomb for thousands of years! Daring Do would give her molars for a chance to be here right now!" Dash said.

"What was that all about? You'd think she was afraid of the dark," Apple Bloom said.

"Silly! Scootaloo isn't afraid of anything!" Sweetie Belle replied.

Eventually, Dash returned. She landed in front of Sweetie Belle.

"Squirt’s asking for you," Dash said.

Sweetie Belle carefully got onto Rainbow Dash's back.

"Hold on extra tight. It's gotta be thousands of feet down. Trust me, you don't wanna fall that far," Dash told her.

They took off, and Sweetie Belle closed her eyes. This was her first time flying, and she was terrified. She could hear Dash's wings beating as the Pegasus slowed their descent. The wind was whipping through her mane, and the air got colder. Sweetie Belle opened her eyes. The side of the shaft was a severely rusted metal, and it was about ten feet wide down here. The light from above had all but disappeared. The lantern slowly swung beneath Dash's neck.

"This is cooler than some Daring Do book!" Dash said. "This is even cooler than being one of the elements."

Sweetie Belle wasn't so sure. She longed to be one of the Elements of Harmony. Then she'd be able to cast magic, and everyone would love her, and she wouldn't be teased by Diamond Tiara, or Silver Spoon. She hated being teased by Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon. They had the worst Cutie Marks ever.

Sweetie Belle was certain that she was going to get a totally awesome Cutie Mark from this little adventure. She had to right? How could she not! They were descending into an ancient tomb of some dread god! A dread god that didn't hesitate to fission electricity down upon it's enemies. Even Nightmare Moon didn't dare to fission her enemies. Sweetie Belle had no idea what fission meant, but little details like that didn't matter. It sounded awesome, so it had to be something totally awesome? Right?

They were nearing the bottom of the shaft, and she could make out details at the bottom of the shaft. Scootaloo was down there, hiding under the remains of the giant stone block that Rainbow Dash had knocked into the pit in order to get access. Dash landed, allowing Sweetie Belle to jump off.

"Watch out for the headless horse!" Dash shouted as she disappeared.

Scootaloo made another eep, followed by ouch, as she hit her head on the beam overhead.

"See anything cool yet?" Sweetie asked.

"Nope," Scootaloo said.

That was a stupid question. There was no light down in the pit, and they couldn't see a thing.

"You look down!" Sweetie Belle said. "You know what will cheer you up? A mud fight!"

She formed a ball of the muck from the ground, and hurled it in the direction that Scootaloo's voice had come from. Soon, both fillies were thoroughly covered in muck, although most of it had come from their own attempts to form mud balls, as neither managed to hit each other in the unyielding darkness. Before long, Dash was back with Apple Bloom. Scootaloo hurled a mud ball at Rainbow Dash, while Sweetie Belle targeted Apple Bloom.

Both fillies hit their marks. Rainbow Dash landed, and they had a proper mud fight where everypony could see before Rainbow Dash took off to get Lyra.

"So what's been happening down here?" Apple Bloom asked. "Anything exciting?"

"Other than that mud fight? Nothing," Scootaloo said. "We were just waiting."

"Any sign of a Cutie Mark yet?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Darn! I didn't think to look!" Scootaloo shouted.

Sweetie Belle guessed that they were all just going to have to wait a while then. The Crusaders tried to continue their mud fight, but after having a real mud fight, a mud fight in pitch black just wasn't that much fun. In fact, it was kinda lame. After what felt like a lifetime of sitting in the cold damp mud, Rainbow Dash returned.

"Did you have to get so muddy? Bon Bon is going to kill me if I track mud on our new carpet," Lyra said.

With the lantern, they could finally get a good look around. The metal from the walls had completely rusted away down here, well, that was, except for a door made of the same smoky silver metal that the thing that they had found upstairs was made of. Lyra immediately ran to the door.

Lyra tried and failed to pry it open with her magic. She wasn't having much luck. In fact, her magic was barely working at all. It would sputter and spark, but not actually do it's job.

"Oooh! A magic damper!" Rainbow Dash said. "Daring Do runs into one of those every so often. Actually, it doesn't happen every so often, it just happens when there is a Unicorn with her."

Dash made a dive at the door, and bucked it open with a triumphant cry. Lyra was the first to go into the room beyond, the lantern grasped in her mouth. They were in a hallway. The room they were in had been carved out of rock, and there was an odd coating over the rock, but you could still see the texture of the underlying rock. The hallway branched off in both directions, out of Sweetie's sight. The air was stale, and everything smelled funny. She slowly followed Lyra.

There was an odd pain in her horn, as if something was attacking it. She guessed that whatever was causing it, was the same thing that was causing Lyra's magic to fail. Or, maybe it wasn't. Perhaps it was just her magic finally deciding to start working. Now that she thought of it, that was the more likely explanation. She checked her flank. Nope, still blank. Not that meant that she wasn't getting her magic. Despite the popular misconception, the two weren't connected. Otherwise, how would Foals with magic Cutie Marks get their Cutie Marks?

"This inscription proves it! This is truly the tomb of a Human god!" Lyra shouted.

She was standing under some words on the opposite side of the hallway from the door. The words, which were hastily painted onto the wall proclaimed this the "National Radioactive Waste Terminal Storage Facility."

"It appears that Biohazardous Waste was the newer name after all," Lyra said.

"Where are the death traps? The pits of doom? The deranged spirits of the long dead?" Rainbow Dash asked. "This is the lamest ancient tomb in all of Equestria."

Lyra was giddily running around in the two hallways off to the side. They followed her quickly. She had the light, and there was no way that the rest of them would be able to do much without it.

As they explored deeper into the tomb, Sweetie Belle was starting to agree with Rainbow Dash. Whatever gods were buried down here, they sure were buried in strange containers. Almost everything down here was in giant stone-like bottles. They had cryptic numbers on them, perhaps to inform some future priests the proper way to reassemble the gods inside. Eventually, the Crusaders got bored.

Apple Bloom found a simple metal barrel, and when they tipped it open, it contained all kinds of cool looking bits and pieces. There were chunks of a material that looked like glass, and even cooler, gloves for a creature with little hooves that branched off from it's main hoof. They decided to use their mouth to play catch with the glove, as it was the easiest thing to throw around.

"Go long!" Apple Bloom shouted to Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle went long. Unfortunately, she went too long. She collided with a pile of barrels and some sludge poured everywhere, drenching all five ponies. Lyra was trying to restore her sense of decorum.

"Alright! I guess Humans must have really hated their garbage, to bury it all the way down here!" Lyra exclaimed.

Everypony was quiet as they made their way through the woods back to Ponyville. Sweetie Belle and her friends were depressed that despite their adventures, they had failed to obtain their Cutie Marks. Lyra looked even worse.

Sweetie Belle turned around. Lyra was behind them, her ears drooping limply, and the sparkle was gone from her eyes. Rainbow Dash was just in front of Lyra, a smug look on her face.

“I knew that this was just some garbage dump,” Rainbow Dash said smugly.

Scootaloo tagged Sweetie Belle, and the Crusaders ran off to play. Luckily, they’d already made it to Sweet Apple Acres. The Crusaders headed for their clubhouse. Rainbow Dash followed the Crusaders, leaving Lyra to make her own way into town. Lyra was grumbling as she disappeared off into the distance.

Sweetie Belle was happy that she hadn’t gotten an archaeology or anthropology Cutie Mark. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life digging around in ancient ruins, with her only reward being covered in sludge.

They were almost at the clubhouse now, and Rainbow Dash got out in front of the Crusaders.

“Hey Squirt, I’ve been asking around town, and nopony could quite say where you live. If you ever need a place, just let me know ‘kay?” Dash said.

“Well, uh I do kind of need a place to stay…” Scootaloo said, as she nervously shuffled her hooves.

“Don’t think anything of it,” Dash said, as she kneeled so Scootaloo could get on her back.

The remaining Crusaders watched as Dash and Scootaloo flew off into the sunset, the hair from their manes falling out in a stream behind them.

Author's Note

The warning messages, and marker designs are based off of this official United States Government Report.

I like to thank my Editor for this story Sourichan, without their assistance, the ending would seriously suck.