My name is Doctor Samuel Beckett. After an experiment of mine failed, I was sent through the time stream, forced to jump across history and appearing in a different body each time. From quantum leap to quantum leap, I´ve been many people, from different ages, races and even gender. I always appear when I´m need, called by some unknown force to set right what once went wrong. My life has been nothing short of strange but this time, this time I think it´s the strangest of my adventures….
****
“AAAAAHHHH!!”
“AH! What´s wrong, dude?”
Dude? What? What is that thing? Is that a horse? It looks like a horse but it has a horn so it must be an unicorn. More importantly, it´s talking. Why is a horse talking?
“What are you?”
“What am I? Oh you mean my character, well I was a 12 level paladin but after you tricked me into opening that chest I´ve been turned into a sprite. Thanks for that, by the way.”
“Hey, at least you can fly. My elf-pegasus is still covered in goo after that slime attacked us. Thanks for that, by the way.”
What is he talking about? What is going on? Why is that horse wearing glasses and brackets? I need to see what I look now.
“Bathroom.”
“What?”
“I need a bathroom. Now.”
“Okay. Trid door at the left, up the stairs. Make sure to knock first, my little sister might be in.”
I have to see what I look now, to make some sense out of this. Auh, what´s wrong with my legs? Where are my legs? Are these...hooves? I need to see…
“Oh boy…”
Well, I'm definitely a horse. No, I´m actually a pony. I can tell by the shape of the nuzzle. Advantages of growing up at a farm. But what happened? How did I end up in a pony´s body? I remember turning into a chimp once but at least chimps and humans are slightly related. Besides, normal ponies don´t talk or wear clothes or have houses for that matter. I´ve no idea what´s going on and the only person who can help me is not here. Oh Al, where are you?
“AHHH!!”
“AHHH!”
“What´s that? A horse?”
“I´m not a horse. I´m a pony.”
“A talking horse?”
“You´re a talking horse! Wait, those awful shirts. Al, is that you?”
“What? Sam, is that you?”
Oh great, so Al is a pony too. Al is my partner, the Watson of my Sherlock, the Robin of my Batman, however you want to call him. He´s my best friend and the only solace of sanity I have when I jump from body to body. He provides me with all the information I need to do my job, most of the time. He also helps me fill the gaps in my memory since one of the side effects of the quantum leaps was a full amnesia, but I doubt he can be of much help here.
“Sam, what happened to you?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing. How could I end up in the body of a complete different species? More importantly, why don´t I look like a normal pony? Sam, stop staring at your hooves!”
“Sorry, it´s just so strange. This has never happened before. I always see you as the body you ended up with, but this is the first time I´ve changed too which is very confusing.”
“Welcome to my world, Al. Now, care to give me explanations?”
“Hang on, I´ll ask Ziggy. He´s just as confused as we aware.”
Great, if our information source back home can´t help us, I doubt we´ll get any information on what´s going on in here. Are we even on the planet Earth? Maybe this is a parallel time line where horse became intelligent and take over the world like in Planet of the Apes. If I was supposed to stop that, I think I arrived a little too late.
“Gah, Ziggy has nothing! He has no information about this!”
“Great.”
“Wait, someone or something, it´s uploading a lot of information on our database. I need to go back to check things with Ziggy. I just hope I don't show up as a horse there.”
“Pony, Al.”
Al ignores me and disappears on that bright door. Wish I could go with him but Al is nothing but a hologram that only I can see and hear. Well, kids and animals can see it too. Wait, does that means that all the creatures here can see him? Theýre all animals, after all.
“Dude? You okay there?”
“Oh come on, give a guy some privacy!”
“Gross! That´s my bathroom! Dude, come out now!”
I should probably go out. But what I´m supposed to do and say? I don´t even know my name now. Oh well, I guess I have no choice but to ride this pony. I´m confused now.
“You okay there, dude?”
“Umh, yeah…”
Darn, if only I knew the name of this pony. Why do they have marks on their flanks? Maybe that´s a clue for what they are. Mh, for some reason that sounds familiar.
“Sure you´re fine?”
“I´m fine...Captain Unicorn.”
“That´s my new nickname? I like it.”
“Suits you well, Shining Armor.”
Well, excuse for taking a wild guess. What about this pony with wings? He has a...video game alien on his flank? That´s weird.
“Wanna be my trusty sidekick, 8-bit?”
“I´m more of a lone vigilante, dude.”
Great, keep calling each other by name.
“Ah, this is just rich. Shingin gets to be a captain, 8-bit is a vigilante. What am I supposed to be, the cheerleader? You never give me a break, Gaffer!”
“Hey, don´t...don´t put the blame all on me, Poindexter!”
“And I don´t even get a fancy nickname? That's just great!”
Woah, I wasn´t expecting his name to actually be Poindexter. I was just being sarcastic. At least I know my name now Gaffer, uh? Sounds like an appropriate name. Now that I have a better look at my body, I can see the mark on my flank. Seems like a dice or something.
“So, the new names are fun and all but are we going to finish our Oubliettes and Ogres game?” Shining Armor asks.
“I still haven't got a nickname.”
“Give it a rest, Poindexter, “ 8-bit says.
“Umh, sure, let´s go downstairs…”
What else can I say? I´m still trying to get used to walk in all four legs. How am I supposed to pick up things with these things? I´ve no fingers now. What is he doing? Did he just made that plastic figurine levitate? Well, we´re both unicorns so I guess we´re magical creatures. But how do I do it? Maybe if I just concentrate in what I want to levitate. Imagine there's an invisible hand around it, just concentrate around it. Come on Sam, you can do it. Just concentrate…
“Auh! Why the hell did you do that?”
“Sorry 8-bit. I just...I´m not good with my horn, it seems. I seem to rush it when using it.”
Oh god, I hope that didn't come out as I think it did.
“Hahaha, oh dude! That's...hahaha!”
Well, at least I´m the life of the party.
“Okay, enough fun guys. I´m going to check on my sister and then we better finish the game. If my mind finds out we have been down here all day instead of checking her, I'm going to be in a world of trouble,” 8-bit says.
“How come you never let her play with us?” Shining Armor asks.
“You don´t let girls play Oubliettes and Ogres! It´s a stallions game!” Poindexter replies.
“Oh come on, you're just saying that because her unicorn sorceress is a higher level than your character.”
“Of course not.”
So I think I´ve our roles figured out. I seem to be the fun one, Shining Armor is the nice one, 8-bit the level headed one and poor Poindexter is the punch line. Seems I arrived in the middle of a lovely group of teenagers. That´s what we are, right? Then why was I called here? What I´m supposed to fix? And more importantly, how the hay do you play Oubliettes and Ogres?
Wait a minute, did I just said how the hay?
I never get used to waking up in a body that isn´t mine but it´s even stranger waking up in a body that isn´t even human.
One time I ended up on a chimpanzee and while that was very uncomfortable and strange, at least it was a body with an humanoid shape, not to mention I woke up on a cage instead of a comfy bed. I didn't even realized I wasn't in a human body until I fell on my hooves.
Luckily, there is such a thing as muscle memory and soon I got the hold of how to control this body. One leg in front of the other and my hooves somehow could grab things so I was safe on that aspect. I even managed to figure out how to use this horn on my forehead, being able to hold things with the power of my mind, a very peculiar feeling I must say.
But the strangest thing of all was getting used to this family dynamic and realizing that said family of ponies I´m now part of are, well, a regular family. A mom, a dad, alboth worried about my studies and both acting like regular parents should. Hearing a chubby pegasus yell at me because I´m failing at history was one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
Once I got to the local high school, things didn't got any more rational. Oh sure, they made sense to the ponies of this world but to me? I thought I had finally gone crazy. For a second I even considered my whole experience jumping from body through body on the quantum field was nothing but an hallucination. Thank goodness for the local bully pushing us around and making us trip with each other to get my senses back.
“Buh buh?” was all Shining Armor could said after a pretty pink pony, a winged unicorn og orts, help him go up.
“You´re an idiot,” I said.
Woah, that came out a lot harsher than I intended but I'm starting to get a little frustrated of not knowing what's going on. Plus, I think a little of this pony cynicism is gotten into me.
“But didn't you see that? She talked to me and held my hood and talked to me and asked me if I was alright and talked to me!”
“Oh man, here we go..” 8-bit, the pegasus said.
“You didn´t seriously fall from Princess Cadence? The most popular girl in school and should I add a Princess?” Poindexter the earth pony said.
“A Princess…” Shining Armor said, totally lost on his fantasy world. Even more fantasy that the world we´re currently in.
I rolled my eyes. Highschool drama. I don't know if it´s because I skipped most of highschool thanks to a scholarship or I´m just getting older but this seems a bit ridiculous. It doesn't help that I can´t still connect the fact that we´re horses! My complains however, will have to wait since now I´m seeing a familiar sight, my friend Sam doing what he does best, being totally inappropriate and taking advantage of his incorporeal statues to peek on girls.
“Dudes, I need to hit the can if you catch my groove so...yeah, later dudes!”
“...okay new rule, never again say the word dudes. From now I´ll forever associate it with the image of Gaffer hitting the toilet,” somepony said behind me.
I ignored that and yelled at Al to follow me to the bathroom.
“Al, I can´t believe you were actually peeking at the girl's dressing room!” I said, after I make sure nopony was around, I bet even in a magical world of horses one speaking at empty air will look strange.
Wait, did I say everypony?
“I dont know waht are you implying Sam but I´m just trying to comprehend why do they have a dressing room when they walk around naked.”
“Some ponies wear clothes, Al. It´s a matter of choice here.”
“I think youré getting too much into character, Sam.”
I don´t wanted to argue about that. “Has Ziggy said something yet?”
“Sheps been getting these weird messages all night, coming from something called Celestia.”
“That's Princess Celestia, the ruler of this land. A thousand years ago, she and Princess Luna exiled the evil Discord and restored Equestria to its beauty.”
“...I'm afraid to ask how you know all that, Sam.”
“My mom made me a quick test on history this morning,” and when he raised an eyebrow I added. “Gaffer´s mom did.”
“Well Sam, whoever this Celestia character is, she´s says that a couple destined to meet this week. A couple whose union will shape the destiny of Equestria, whatever that is, will not get together because of some interference. She says she contacted a guardian, that would be you Sam, to ensure the safety of her kingdom.”
“I guess Shining Armor is not that crazy then…”
“Shining who?”
“One of my fellas, brothers, my gang.”
Even as a pony, Sam´s exasperation is quite amusing.
“Sam, stop trying to sound hip. You were a boy genius who skipped high-school. You don't get to talk like that.”
“Fi-fine. I won´t but at last finally I know what I´m supposed to be doing here so if you excuse me, I have to help a knight unite with his Princess.”
*****
Easier said than done, everyone of my “brilliant” plans failed miserably. We only got Cadence to ge closer to that Buck fella and now we're just standing in the field looking ridiculous in these spy outfits. Shining has already run away to catch with Cadence and try the most direct approach of just ask her out while us are just standing there, still getting food throw at us.
“Hey Sam...did a tomato just passed through my head?”
“Lucky you,” I said, since said tomato got stuck on my horn.
“I think I have figured out why you have been failing all day.”
“Maybe because I´m being ridiculous? I don´t know why I think any of these plans would have work, Sam. They´re straight out of a cartoon. Hay, this entire world seems out of one.”
“Don´t know about that, Sam. The reason I came is to tell you, you have been barking at the wrong tree.”
“Now I´m the one afraid to ask. Are you implying something about Cadence, because I can no longer take 8-bit´s comments about mares. He confused romanticism with cheap gossip.”
“I need to talk to your friend,” Sam said, showing that pony or human, he knows how to drive me mad.” No Sam, what I´m saying is that maybe we misunderstood. This isn't about Shinign and Cadence.”
“How come?”
“According to Ziggy, somepony Carrot Cake is the one we should be looking for. Apparently he would do something extremely important for the future of Equestria.”
“So he's the one who´s supposed to be with Cadence. I feel bad for Shining.”
“I guess so. It says Carrot Cake and P...something, the text is all scrambled met during the high school dance. Have they not met there they wouldn´t got there and a certain little filly will never be happy and bring happiness to a mare that would become the greatest Princess of Equestria.”
“Sounds like fairy tale.”
“Well, it´s not gonna have a happy ending unless you make it work, Sam.”
“How I´m supposed to do that. Al?”
“We´l figure out something for now just try not to pull any more crazy schemes.”
I roll my eyes and turn over, just to find the boys staring at me.
“Uh how long have you been there?”
“You mean how long we have been watching you talking to thin air?” 8-bit ask and all I could do is shrug.
Hey, we´re talking horses who can fly and do magic and somehow this is strange?
Yeah, I´m not buying it either.
*****
“Sam, this is ridiculous!”
“After all you have seen this is the part you can´t believe? By the way, did you see that griffon over there?”
“Sam, I´m serious! This is a terrible plan! First of all, Poindexter will never agree to this!” I yell, holding the dress.
“I don´t know Sam, something about that pony…”
“Don't start Sam.”
“Just blackmail him with something. Here let me check...aha, according to Ziggy last year he borrowed you Bat´leth sword for Nightmare Night, whatever that is and never returned it. Use that to force him.”
“That is so ridiculous.”
“Look Sam, if you want this to work you´ll have to start thinking like these ponies do. Friends support friends no matter what. It's like they say, Friendship is Magic.”
Sometimes I wonder if Sam is being serious.
*****
“..then we´ll talk palaces.”
Well, what do you know? Our crazy plan actually worked. Shining got the girl, Buck got kicked out of the room and more importantly, Carrot Cake got together with Pointdexter. I don't see how is this the most important couple for the future of Equestria but who I am to criticize it? I just came here and did my work and right now, I just want to go away.
“OkayI got them toeghet, why ahvnept I leaped, Al?”
“No idea Sam, let me check the records…”
Great. I don't want to sound ungrateful. I made some friends here, as strange as that sounds. But I really want to go back to the human world where things make a lot more sense.
“Look at them. Sure looks a happy ending,” 8-bit says, pointing to Cadence and Shining.
It does looks like a happy ending.
“Oh hay, I just realized, with all these shenanigans, we forgot to ask for a date!”
Yeah, that tends to happens when your life seems a twenty two minute cartoon.
“Well, I guess we should stick with each other…”
“I guess. Wait, are you serious?”
“Come on, Equestria is a land of free love. Colts and mares, all bound together but the bonds of friendship and friendship can always lead to love.”
“I think you keep confusing romanticism with just goofing around.”
“I´m just teasing you. Come on buddy, cheer up! Cheerilee said she wanted to introduce us to some of her friends from Ponyville,” 8-bit says pointing at a group of mares. “See, there´s Pudding Cup and...what's her name.”
“Pudding Cup! That´s it! She´s the one!”
Always in the nick of time, Sam.
“Excuse me, 8-bit. I just realized I already have a date,” I say and head to Carrot Cake and Poindexter. “My lady, can you give me this piece?”
“Can´t say no to that.”
“Stop smiling.”
Poor Carrot Cake, he looks devastated but there is Pudding Cup offering him a drink. Yes, sir, everything is finally falling into place.
“Ah man, now I´m all alone.”
“Well, seems I got a little late this time but nothing seems to be going on…”
“Hey stud, can you dance?”
“Can I? My friends I sure can!”
No idea who that pony with the hourglass Cutie Mark is but at least 8-bit got his dance.
“Enjoying the dance?”
“Actually you do have moved, Poindexter. I´m glad I took you out.”
“Dude, if you wanted a dance all you had to do was ask.”
“I thought we agree to never again said the word dude.”
“I wasn't the one who agreed to that, my little pony.”
“My little pony. Wait, my little pony? Now I remembe-
******
“How could you, Sunil?”
What? What? What´s going? Why is a dog talking to me? I shouldn't be so surprised after the whole pony ordeal but it´s a purple dog with a beret yelling at me.
“Why are you the famous one? It was supposed to be me!”
I need a mirror. Oh there´s one but it´s showing a mongoose. A bleu mongoose.
“Oh boy…”
