Inhale; the air is crisp, cold, exciting in ways I could never hope to describe. As autumn falls into winter. I shudder, lightly, as goosebumps erupt under my coat. My eyes peer open, by reflex or outside force, rather then my own will and I witness Luna's moon making its graceful journey across the sky. The curtains dance slowly, their partner the wind, with myself being the sole spectator. A moment, two, maybe three; and, I feel inclined to give a light applause. Clop, clop, clop; a fleeting smile graces my muzzle.
I shift over to my other side. My head on the pillow feels heavier then I remember; but, truth be told, I never paid it much mind. Maybe I should test the weight tomorrow? No. Too busy. A checklist crosses my eyelids as I blink and I envision my schedule.
- Meet with the Mayor to discuss the recent tourism boom.
- Model for Rarity.
- Pack for trip to Crystal Empire.
My eyes peer open once more and I see my nightstand in all of its glory. A lone glass sits on top, containing the essence of life, water. My throat aches. A violet glow envelops the glass and brings it to me. A soothing feeling. Contentment. I ponder the significance of such an action. So simple, yet so powerful. A requirement for health, water, one we may take for granted. I wonder how the water feels. Does it resent its lot in life? Does it hate me for digesting it? Perhaps it finds digestion as soothing as I find consumption? I stare, it offers no answers to the questions I seek. Internally I apologize for my selfish actions.
I am reminded of the changlings and my blood begins to boil. I chastise myself for allowing it, no matter the justification, the feeling is unbecoming of royalty. To them, we are the water. The essence of life, a soothing comfort, as contenting as a glass of water on an aching throat. Are we in the wrong for chasing them out? I suspect I will never know. Another unknown, another persistent itch in the back of the mind.
I shift once more. Taking a moment to stretch my wings. Squashed and sore, I curse there existence. How anypony gets fitful rest with these is anyponies guess. I look back and examine them. The plumage the same color as my coat, soft feathers, brittle bones, such a complex creation of nature. Feathers for picking up wind and heat, movements designed for lift and glide; so much to learn, so little time. I'll have to ask Rainbow and Fluttershy if they ever thought about the complexity of flight. I doubt it.
Another gust of wind and I glance towards the window. In the distance I see a light in town. A night owl perhaps? Or perhaps another just like me? Lost in the world of sensations and experiences. Unable, or unwilling to let oneself lose themselves for just one moment in time.
A secret fear of mine, sleep. To surrender yourself to whatever may come is something I have always had issues with. I am aware I most likely plan too much; but, its comfortable, familiar, safe. When I was a filly and had just moved into the castle I suffered a horrible spell of insomnia. For almost a week I was unable to sleep, unwilling to sleep. I felt unsafe. In hindsight, it was silly. I was in the safest place in Equestria and here I was literally losing sleep over how dangerous it felt to me.
That was were it started I think, the obsessive planning. Princess Celestia noticed pretty quickly that I wasn't sleeping and ended up sending me to the infirmary. I was sent to talk to a foal psychologist. She suggested that I write down anything that bothered me and check it out before bed, to assert that I was in a safe place. Suffice to say it worked. Almost too well. I'll add that to my list, to ask Princess Celestia for her contact information. Maybe she can help me with this new thought process.
Another shudder. A violet glow later and I shut the window. No doubt it will be opened once more before my alarm goes off. I sleep uncomfortably warm. It used to drive Shining bonkers when we were younger. Before he bulked up he was always cold. We would have little battles over who had control of the window. I wanted it on, he usually wanted the furnace going. When we got older we called it the Great Window War. It ended shortly before I left home for the castle. I found it a spell that would keep a blanket warmed. It was the single most difficult spell I had ever performed at that point. Truth be told, I was never sure that it worked I left shortly thereafter. Shining never said.
A knot of guilt forms in my stomach as I think of my family. I haven't been the most loyal daughter in the world. Not quite severing ties with them after moving out, but close. Not on purpose, but I was busy. That was what I always told myself when the princess suggested I contact them. It must have broke their hearts. I'll write them tomorrow. No distractions. A snore in the other room reminds me of my current family.
Spike. I just don't know what I would do without him. My rock in any storm. My voice of reason when my own fails. He has seen me at my best and my worst and still stays by my side. I wonder if he realizes how much he means to me. I should do something with him tomorrow. I should just burn my checklist and make tomorrow special before I go to the Crystal Empire. Meet up with my parents if possible, take Spike out for a few hours, doing whatever he wants to do. In reason. No swimming in gems, too painful.
Finally I glance over at the small clock on my wall. 2:53. AM no doubt. A wave of peaceful feeling washes over me. Its time for this exhausted mind to get the rest, the comfort it may not seek, but needs. I adjust once more, for the final time of the night. I close my eyes, letting the darkness embrace me, with a small wish to Princess Luna for a pleasant journey into the land of slumber. I feel myself slump loose, and I exhale.
Author's Note
An experimental piece that simply wouldn't leave me alone. Actually longer then the planned piece. Written in about three hours, sparsely edited. If there is demand, I might continue it with another character but I am pleased with the way this turned out.
