Entry One
Well, I guess I should go ahead and get this over with. Twilight said that writing in this journal thing will help me somehow, though I don’t really see where I need any help. Things have been going good for me and the family for quite a while. Sweet Apple Acres is in it’s highest incline with profits in over a decade, and for the past year we haven’t had nary a single critter related disaster. I know the rest of the girls have been writing in their diaries...or journals...whatever the hay they are. I guess I just don’t see much of a point to them, myself. Twilight said something about just writing what I feel. To be completely honest, I had half a mind to turn this thing into a fiscal budget calendar for next season! But I guess I just need to go buy a new one, now.
Anyway, feelings and thoughts, huh? Well, I guess since nopony is going to read this thing other than me, then I suppose talking a bit about what’s bothering me won’t be a problem. First and foremost let me go ahead and say that no matter what, I love my friends. I really and truly do. They’re the best five things to ever happen to me, outside of family. And heck, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I saw those girls as anything but family, now. I know I bear the Element of Honesty, so does that make envy something I shouldn’t have? I’ve noticed lately how everypony is getting together with some other pony. Even at Pinkie’s parties lately it’s been pretty hard not to notice.
And I have to admit, I am jealous. I’ve never really focused much on love in the past. Shoot, the one relationship I did have went downhill so fast it was like a full applecart had gone and busted loose of the pony pulling it! So, naturally, I’ve thrown myself into my work. I love Sweet Apple Acres. My friends, my family, and my farm. Those are the three things that will always hold priority of everything else to me, save some Equestria wide disaster like Discord or Nightmare Moon. Even though Nightmare Moon is now Princess Luna and Discord is working for Celestia...dangit sometimes these things just don’t make sense.
Anyway, it hasn’t really surprised anypony that I’ve never shown an interest in anyone before. Not to mention I’m not sure anypony really has any idea for certain which way my tail swings. By the way, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it, I get a little hot under the haunches for mares. Which, considering my family, might come as a bit of a surprise to most ponies. While my family all knows about my orientation, not a single one of them has shunned or looked down on me for it. In fact, they’ve all been real supportive. The only one who took it rather seriously was Granny Smith. She pulled me aside and asked me if I was sure this is how I was. Once I told her yes, she told me this story about how, back when she was my age, if a pony liked another pony of the same gender, they’d normally be cast from town. Back then, ponies just didn’t know how universal a thing love can really be. I’m just glad times have changed.
My brother and I are extremely close, so of course we tell each other everything. When I told him about all this, he just told me that maybe I should start looking. When I said that part was obvious, he suggested maybe I start with my friends. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I don’t think I could. I love the girls to death, but they’re all like sisters to me. Seeing something romantic with them just doesn’t sit right. But maybe one of them knows a few single ponies? Horseapples. Why does this have to be so dang hard to do? Maybe I’ll try talking to Rarity soon. She definitely seems like the type that would know how find a nice mare for me. Not that I’m implying anything against her personal life or anything.
Well, it’s gotten a lot later than I thought. And I’ve written way more than I thought I would. I actually did kind of enjoy this. Twilight’s gonna get a kick outta this when I tell her she was right.
Entry Two
Winter is getting closer, which means Applebuck season is almost over. Which means that I’m about to have a lot more free time than normal. Winters are always kind of relaxing for us farmers. The main workload for the year is finished, we sell the rest of our stock, do a bit of prep work over the winter months for Spring, and that’s about it. My brother and I have some repair work we have to do, but it’s not much and won’t take us long. Other than that, this Winter should be pretty easy going.
I’ve always found it funny how other ponies tend to really start busting their humps during this time of the year. I’m not saying they don’t work hard the rest of the time, but the colder seasons always seem to push them in gear more than the rest. There’s always something that needs doing around town, and us Apples are usually the first ponies that get asked for help. Not that we don’t mind, of course. Busy hooves are happy hooves, as Granny Smith always says. Besides, helping out with little things tends to keep the monotony of these chilly days at bay.
And from what I understand, in a few months there’s supposed to be some kind of flyer’s tournament up in Canterlot sponsored by none other than the Wonderbolts. And seeing as how we normally get the overflow from events like this, and the extra tourism, this winter is bound to be an interesting one. I know Rainbow Dash is excited. She won’t stop talking about all these new tricks she’s got planned to show off. And she even said that a couple of her friends from Equestria’s finest flyers are gonna be staying here in Ponyville for a couple of weeks. And since we don’t normally get famous ponies here, the mayor is all in a tissy about preparations.
So I suppose there’s a good chance that I’ll be helping with the welcome wagon. Which I don’t particularly mind, since these are Rainbow’s friends. Normally Pinkie Pie would be front and center for something like this, but the poor girl’s been so distracted lately with something. Can’t hardly fathom what would keep her from throwing a party. I might need to check up on her soon.
Anyway, I guess I should talk a bit more about what’s been happening. Maybe expand a bit on what I talked about last time. Twilight did say that’s what these diaries here are for, anyhow. While there really hasn’t been any developments with me about a special somepony, I have done a good bit of thinking about the whole thing. And with the thinking came a whole new perspective on a number of the mares around town. I’ve always been a respectable member of our little society, and I’ve always managed to find myself too busy to think about such things. But now that I’m putting forth that little extra effort, I can’t help but wonder.
Does that make me a bad pony? I don’t think it rightly does. I know I’m not the most easy to get along with pony, and that sometimes I can be a bit over bearing. So it’s not like I can just take my pick of the litter, as it were. But it’s still got me wondering if any of the mares in town would even look at me like that. So many of them are my friends, after all. And I don’t even know if any of them swing the same way I do. Like Roseluck. She’s an awful pretty pony. Petite, kind, and she’s got a wonderful voice. But I just don’t know.
I did talk to Rarity about all this a couple of days ago. She was more than happy to finally hear me talking about looking for a somepony of my own. I practically had to hold her down just so she wouldn’t go rushing off trying to make me a dress or start setting up blind dates. It’s mighty sweet of her to take such an interest, but I told her I just wanted advice. She told me that this is something that I just have to figure out myself, since I’m so new at it and everything. And she also said that there’s no point just sitting around thinking about it. Some chances are worth taking, even if I do get rejected.
I think once the last Friday market hits in a couple of weeks, I’m going to give her advice a shot. Hay, I might just even see if Rosey would like to go out. After all, if there’s one thing us Apples are good at, it’s working towards a goal. And if my goal is to find me a special somepony, then by Celestia I think I can do it.
Entry Three
So if it wasn’t bad enough that Applebuck Season and Market Season are almost at a close, leaving my hooves completely full, but now we’ve been told that those danged Wonderbolts are showing up in town early. Something about how they wanted a vacation before their next big show. Which means they’re gonna be here in town for the better part of two whole months. Ah well, if they’re wanting to keep a low profile and just kick back then that makes it easier on me.
Not that I would normally complain about a little extra work, but I’ve just got so much to do right now as it is. I just hope the mayor will understand that she doesn’t need to go out of her way to make these types happy. I imagine just being able to relax without a hundred ponies trying to beat down your door will make them all happy enough. This is one of them moments when I’m glad that Princess Celestia has stymied all journalistic interests in my friends and I as the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. We’d never be able to live our normal lives if folks outside of Ponyville knew who we really were.
Anyway, that little bit of news aside, I suppose I should come clean about my plans. Come to find out Roseluck just isn’t interested in mares like that. Guess I should have figured that one out, what with the babydoll eyes she’s always making at my brother. Doesn’t really matter anyway, I at least saved myself some embarrassment by figuring that out before hoof. So maybe I don’t have myself a marefriend right now. As I said before, I’ve got enough on my hooves as it is. I wouldn’t really have time for one anyway.
But I still wonder what it would be like. I know better than to think that love is like how it happens in those foalish romance novels that Rarity reads. That kinda stuff is written for love struck foals and hapless mares with a fanciful heart. Granny Smith talks to her late husband sometimes when she doesn’t think anypony’s around. I hear it, and it always brings tears to my eyes. I guess she’s talking to him. But she’ll tell him about her day. Sometimes she’ll laugh, sometimes she’ll cry. But even now I can tell just how much she loves and misses him.
When that happens, my mind always goes to the same place: Will somepony ever love me like that?
I know it’s selfish of me. I’ve already got a family, a business, and a home to look after. I don’t need to worry myself with flights of fancy like this. It’s just that sometimes, especially now that’s getting colder, I can’t help but notice just how big and cold my bed is.
Entry Four
Sometimes I wonder about things. Most ponies do, but I don’t honestly have time to often sit down and just ponder. But it seems like here recently I’ve had more time on my hooves than I’ve known what to do with. Even with Applebuck Season in full swing and the last market of year coming up. And it’s only gonna get worse when Winter finally gets here and I’m forced to have nothing to do but twiddle my dang hooves.
It’s not like it’s a terribly bad thing though, I suppose. It’s given me the time to really think about this situation that I seem to have put myself in. That and I’ve found out a few things, too. And these weren’t just quiet revelations about myself. Nah, these were apparently things the whole dadgum town thought about me.
Rarity’s actually the one who told me. I went back to talk to her about me and situation, when she kinda let spill that she wasn’t surprised. I asked her what she meant, and she tried to play it off for a bit. After enough pestering she finally broke down and told me. Ponyville has this image that I’m some kind of golden farm goddess that’s absolutely inapproachable. I’ve never been interested in anypony before, so why would I start now? Not only that, but I’m the youngest Apple in my whole line to ever take control over a farm, especially one the size of Sweet Apple Acres.
To say I was surprised is a bit of an understatement. So that’s why nopony’s asked me out all these years? While I’ve watched ponies clamoring to get a shot at all of my friends, not a single pony came knocking on my door. I always just thought it was because I lived outside of town, or maybe because they might have been a bit intimidated by my brother. But apparently not.
I’ve done a lot of thinking about it, and I feel like I’m kind of stuck. If every single pony in Ponyville, aside from my closest friends and my family, all look at me in that way, then how am I ever going to find a pony to love me for who I am? I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t even worry about it. It’s not like I’d actually have time to focus on something like a relationship, anyway. Being a farmer’s tough work, and managing a business on top of running a farm of this size? Well, let’s just say it doesn’t leave much free time.
One thing is funny though. The look on Rarity’s face when she said the town thinks of me as a ‘goddess’ was priceless. I’m not normally a fickle pony...but ha! I’m prettier than Rarity.
