A Floor Licker's Story

by Commander-Strife

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Lyra, Princess Luna, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2006

Equestria is visited by the strangest of visitors yet.

Mages of all kinds, Monsters, Gods, Heroes, Adventurers and Aliens. None of them compare to the oddity of this one specific visitor.

Had fun making this one, I hope you enjoy!

EDIT: Oh wow, thanks guys for the 88 views, actually didn't think it'd get up to that mark! Thanks! <3 :D

Did a bit of revising, a couple of parts are changed but it's more or less clear at some parts or something like that.

Published 2013-11-07 20:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-07 20:50:03 UTC

A Great Mystery

"Swoooooooom!" Was all he ever said in his life. Normally for any other, he would think it rather odd that he could only say not a single other word of anything. Swoom wasn't even a word, but he said it regardless. Nobody really thought it odd either, they usually just ignored him, his parents included.

Why Swoom? He didn't question it. His parents never really wondered, and even as he lived on his own with his muscular hunk of a man, also his flatmate Marcus, he didn't really talk to him, but He knew  he knew of him as he'd rarely look at him with an amused smirk.

One day, doing as he normally does, crawling on all fours along the floor of the clean floor, licking any debris or dirt or dust and eating it upon gaining sigt of such things, he was one day drawn to a strange configuration on the floor. Small hoofmarks of mud were scattered every which way but they moved into the wall at a certain point. This was odd but the grime was literally his only concern or even focus. The apocalypse could have happenned and he wouldn't have noticed it at all.

He licked and ate the mud, moving along the hoofmarks into the wall which bent to his entrance like a thick film over water. He didn't notice this as he then came to a room of nothing. He didn't look around but instead just licking and moving in a straight line as the grime just seemed to literally never end.

He bumped into something soft in the dark room and through his continued movement started pushing into it constantly, his mind unable to comprehend the idea of invisible walls.

The room soon faded from black to many colors he never cared for or even learned about as he arrived in a totally different room somehow. He'd been pushing into the left back leg of an equine, one smaller than any normal horse and strangely colored similarily to a ball of grape bubblegum, one others would know as Twilight Sparkle, but one he would forever call "Swoom"

Twilight was looking back at him, licking the floor while bumping her leg with a very puzzled and incredulous look. Whether it was out of confusion of why he would be doing that, or about what he actually was, he literally paid no mind as magic lifted him upwards and his expression would, as always, stay permanently content.

"Uh... Hello?" She would look closely at him with one of her eyes, studying him for all he was. A door let out a whine, then a solid clunk as it opened, then closed. Twilight put him down on the table in front of her, facing at the door and went to meet her friend. Yet again another pony known as "Swoom" but who she called "Lyra HEartstrings" Who looked around Twilight curiously as he fell off the table, his limbs clawed at the air as he lied on his back, unable to get up as if he was a cap-sized turtle.

The Cyan mare was rather excited to see him as she somehow recognized him from somewhere. He Said to her "Swoooooom!" And she giggled, Twilight tilted her bdoy to block Lyra's line of sight to whatever fell onto the floor. The two tilted side to side, one trying to look at him, the other trying to block her, but eventually Twilight knew it was no use to do it any further and stepped aside. Wondering who he was, what he was, and how he got there, Lyra secretly knew the answer, she didn't like to talk about her research at all. Others would call her insane for sure if they were to know! However everypony who knew the spearmint mare, knew of her obsession which started out rather tame and non-existent at first, then just like the floor licking one, her obsession grew larger, seeimingly from nowhere.

Lyra picked him up with her horn and peered closely at his unblinking face. He was literally stagnant in any emotion similar to those meeting a pony in real life after spending time on Earth. She was positively livid and bursting with excitement. She wanted to take him home and talk to him all day, or try to atleast, but that would be in vain as Twilight took him from her magical grasp with a smile.

She told her to help spike with organizing and cleaning the library's books off the floor for in return, she'd get to see him more, which got a slightly sad look from Lyra, which she easily hid from view, smiling rather coyly instead with a nod of affirmation to follow. She went off to go help Spike clean up alot of books, a massive mess in the library, created from Twilight's previous studying session of trans-dimensional travel and quantum physics.

Twilight looked at him and said to spike "Spike, I found something I want to go show the Princesses, Hold down the fort until I get back okay?"

"You can count on me!" He said as he would salute to her and strike a pose similar to that of a heroic palace guard dragon. The relevance of this was utterly lost on him as was almost everything, save for that pile of books.

That Pile...

If those books were bits of debris similar to bread crumps, he would lick them so hard, all night long...

He peered over Twilight's shoulder as she carried him to Canterlot to show him the princesses. His constant attempts to move was unending as his limbs all rotated in sequence in her magical grasp.

Eventually after about ten minutes or so, they reached Canterlot's Palace and Twilight walked to the Throne Room with him in tow. Luckily it was the hour Luna and Celestia both were awake, the hour before the Day to Night transition so it was still bright out. The duo got odd looks as they saw him lick the already clean floors behind twilight, admiring his saliva's supply and toungue's dexterity, not to mention his balance.

Twilight took a left and he just kept going, ignoring her totally, but was soon pulled back and corrected and they went into the throne room.

The room was decorated wonderfully in a simplistic sort of way, the throne was at the far back wall, with a long red carpet with tassles bordering the edges of it's length. There was many a window, tall as the door was and banners hung in each corner of the room from the ceiling, a small draft blew against them gently, coming from a cracked open window, one which Luna stared out, yawning as the Princess of the Night was apparently still just waking up.

He luckily hit a tassle's edge, missing the bulk of it, but that was enough to corrupt his course as he suddenly took a hard right and headed towards a wall.

Twilight smiled up at her mentor, who came down and they embraced one another like usual. "Good Evening Twilight!" She smield back at her mentor as she replied "Good Evening Princess"

she paused and then asked her The Question. "I found this guy in my house. He's a bit... Strange, but something seems to be wrong... he keeps licking the floor and making wierd noises once in awhile.

He ignored this as a bewildered Luna caught sight of him licking and eating up dust like it was sweet and sour sauce he really liked. So much to eat, he loved it here and hoped it would never end, ubt eventually hit a wall for the fourth time and was redirected by somepony in the room via magic. He was a bit of a fast one for sure, about as fast as a baby kitten, but he was no kitten. She looked to the window, she was too tired to really react to him, that is until he bumped into her flank and pushed into it like before with Twilight's leg. She jumped about two or three feet in surprise, but then relaxed as Celestia did her best to hide a grin, though Twilight was not as skilled as was giggling at the shocked Luna.

"He's right over there" Twilight said to Celestia, the vestiges of a giggle on the edge of her tone.

"Very funny, Twilight Sparkle. Sister... what is... it?" Luna asked, looknig rather puzzled, rubbing her flank not out of pain but of discomfort. He appraoched her after she jumped and she ran away from him towards her siste and her star pupil.

"He is a good friend of mine." Celestia said rather vaguely, if she tried to hide the possibility of further inquiry, she was horrible at it as Twilight replied almost right away.

"A good friend of yours? So you've met him before?" Celestia nodded at the question "Long ago we met, but that is a story for another time. You've nothing to worry about Twilight, take him home with you, I'd guess Spike wouldn't mind someone to help him for a bit with sweeping" She smiled, an eye hidden behind her ever-breezy dull-rainbow-colored mane as usual.

He bumped into a wall and simply changed direction, he seemed to recognize walls as obstacles, but then bumped into a guard who reacted about as well as the walls did. He did nothing, like he was paid to do. He had a slight urge to lift a hoof but just stood there, occasionally looking down at the man. Her eyes would only rarely drift down to him and she'd be hard-tested to not smile or show much emotion.

Luna smiled herself, having watched the man this whole time, she found him rather humorous, starting to slowly get to the guard as she'd slowly fail at supressing her emotions. She knew her rather well, one of her own guards, for a guard she was rather expressive but standing and showing no emotion was mostly what guards usually did not anyone but royalty and those associated directly with them.

Twilight picked him up and spared the guard of his amusing wrath, she smiled only slightly and was quietly giggling to herself, much to the curiosity of her partner, who missed everything, having fallen asleep with his eyes open. He was good at doing that while standing exactly as if he was awake.

Twilight started to question Celestia, who'd give her only as much information as she'd need to, which ended up meaning her asnwers were vague. She'd find them out soon enough.

Eventually she was satisfied to the point she felt okay with letting Celestia finally lower the sun, 20 minutes overdue as they got carried away, and then going to sleep with the Moon's arrival. The exchange took 20 minutes more than the 3 hours she'd planned to be with the princesses. Sadly she couldn't talk to her brother, as he was mysteriously away, she found that rather odd but shrugged it off.

She yawned and felt like going home and did so. She placed him in her bedroom and slept soundly, the noises he made somehow making her sleep even more peaceful.

At this point Spike had to kick out a disgruntled Lyra, telling her to come back tommorrow as he too went to sleep and closed the library in time with the town falling to sleep.

She would dream of a place filled with his kind...

A Place filled to the brim with dust and dirt...

Dirt and dust his kind would eat and lick until their generation becomes replaced...

A Generation destined to repeat this cycle.

Over.

And Over.

She found him to be rather adorable with his body's appearance. Adorable and brilliantly designed in it's simplicity.

Still rather odd how he licked and ate up nay kind of dirt, food remnants, dust or even if need be, sugar or ash.

How it must taste.

For A 7 inch tall.

Circular.

Robotic Vacuum Cleaner.