Fallout Equestria: Super Happy Raider Fun Times!

by TonydBrony

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 10317

You know all those stories about heroes and stuff, where they go out and make the wasteland a better place after discovering something, and then go into self discovery and shit? Fuck that. This is the story of two scum bags.

You know all those stories about heroes and stuff, where they go out and make the wasteland a better place after discovering something, and then go into self discovery and shit?
Fuck that shit.
This is the story of two scum bags as they loot, kill, cheat, and flirt their way through whatever the fuck they want.

Meet Serena. She’s an addict and a whore.

Meet Lucky Shot. He’s a gambler and a drunk.

Together, they are going to have fun.

This is an joint fic that has been suited with maiming writer’s block with a dapper friend of mine named Seven-Four. Go check him out. This story will follow the random adventures of the two; the first chapter showing how they met. Afterwards, chapters may be irrelevant to each other as they are different adventures.

EDIT: Some chapters may hold continuity!

As a note, Seven-Four writes as Serena, and I write as Lucky Shot, respectively.

Published 2013-11-08 01:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-04 18:33:35 UTC

Prologue

You ever wonder what it's like to be on the top of everything? Sitting pretty on the high-end of the scales where not a single thing can touch ya? Helluva a place to be; money, mares, chems, and all the booze you can drink... Too bad all eventually ends.

It was just another late evening in Traitor’s Town; a place supposedly built by deserters or someshit. What better place to waste as much money as you can in the shortest given amount of time? Well, Pegas is in mind, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here...

‘Sides, that’s another story, Reb. Get back on track!

I’m getting there, I’m getting there. Geeze, nopony has any sense of theatrics anymore. In any case, Traitor’s Town is where I spent most of time, and admittedly, caps. But that’s nothing you don’t know already. I had a knack for gambling and often times I didn’t lose...

But let’s face it. Sometimes luck runs out, and sometimes the gallows are a calling.

The air around me was thick with the heavy aroma of alcohol and other “activities” of ill repute. Nonetheless, my attention was solely on the two-pony poker game I was taking part in. I’ll admit, I wasn’t exactly sober at the time, so my mouth might’ve ran further than you’d think...

The heavy-set pegasus I was playing against shifted in his chair and sighed as the naked lightbulb above us flickered off and on.

“Well, whatcha got?” I sneered, feeling like the big kahuna I pretended to be.

Fatty scratched his cheek with a hoof, and tapped his cards that lay on the table, face down. “You first,” he said in a fake tone of courtesy.

“Fine.” I smirked-- it had to have been at least the thirtieth smirk I’d shown that night and it was probably going to be the last. I lay my cards down, one at a time with a soft emerald glow around them as they met the felt poker table. In order, I put down two kings, two aces, and a lonely jack.

“Well, ain’t that just the darndest thing, Mister?” The pegasus said with an evil smile and put his cards down. “I just so happen to have three aces myself.” He put down the mentioned cards along with a two of hearts and a three of spades. “But the only problem is there’s only four aces in a deck...”

My heart nearly stopped beating for a moment as I gazed down at his cards. I wasn’t cheating for once. No trick cards, no funny business... But who’s everypony going to believe? Some drug-running raider, or the owner of the bar?

“Centaur shit!” I yelled, and slammed a hoof down on the table; our chips jumped up and clattered back down into a messy pile.

“You know the rules around here, Mister ‘Lucky Shot’.” He spat my name like it burned his tongue. “If that really is your name... Cheating at MY table is punishable...” He licked his lips and peeled them back into a gnarly grin. “By death.”

I was about to jump up and grab the fat bastard, but the sound of breaking glass and a damp feeling trickled down the back of my head. I couldn’t move. I just slumped to the ground, hitting the creaky floorboards like a sack of rocks.

Before I gave in to the creeping tendrils of unconsciousness, I could see Loan Shark and all his obese “glory”... That bastard cheated me.

What, does that make it my turn yet, Reb?

Yeahyeahyeah. Go ahead. Tell all the nice readers how you were about to whore yourself out for food.

… That’s totally not what happened! I swear. Totally. Not lying. Right.

Uh…

You ever wonder what it’s like to be at the bottom? To not know where your next meal is coming, or even if you’re going to get another meal? Helluva a place to be, covered in the filth of the world only thinking about how you’re going to get your next fix.

Heh. Too bad it ends, am I right?

It was just another evening in Traitor’s Town. Where better to ruin what little self respect you got left to your name? Where better to get completely lost in the ruins of civilization?

Well. Pegas. Of course. But let’s face it. Nothing beats Pegas. Why, this one time-

Hey! Fluffy! You’re just repeating what I said already! Get to the good part already!

...fine. Everyone's a critic.

Fine fine fine. As I was saying, I was in the mood to get utterly high in Traitor’s town. I had my whiskey I had totally swiped from a house I was in the other day, and I was looking to trade for a bit of Dash.

Dash. Such a great thing. I had my bags full of stuff. Like my magic pistol with it’s… five shots… and other stuffs.

At any rate, I was approaching the pub, which was called… Night’s vestige or something.

And I tripped.

Why did I trip? Because some fuck shit left a perfectly good body outside of the tavern. I mean, who does that?!

“Ooooghhh…” The drunk moaned and groaned, before hopping to his feet and glaring at me. “What gives, puss?”

“Did you just call me puss?” I screeched at him, puffing up. “Get the fuck out of my way you piece of shit!”

“You first, bitch!” He was kinda… unimportant, so I don’t remember what color he was. Yeah.

I drew my gun and the moron shut the fuck up. Then ran off. I swear, he almost wet himself. It was hilarious!

It was so hilarious I almost threw up. Okay, I forgot to mention I was also kinda drunk at the time so… I walked over to side of the pub. It was dark and I couldn’t see a thing, but I can recognize an alley by the thin space between the two buildings.

And then I slipped.

Why did I slip? Pool of blood. Pools of blood suck. I mean, they stick in my fur, and getting them out takes forever, and I can never afford to have my feathers shampooed…

Oh, and there was totally a dead unicorn in the alley. I didn’t care less. He was blue, though it was hard to tell from all the blood.

I rolled my eyes and took a step forward. Something squelched unpleasantly, and I paled, looking down. Ew… More blood...

Two hours earlier

My whole world was black, spare the sliver of light coming in from my peripheral vision. Something was tightly wrapped around my head, just a bit too lightly. The only thing I could hear was my own heavy breathing, and for a moment, I thought I was already dead.

“Wakey wakey, Lucky Shot.” Loan Shark’s deep voice destroyed my hopes of escaping the wasteland once and for all. “We have a score to settle.”

The blindfold was taken off and I came to realize that I was tied down to a chair. A fucking chair! “Mmmpf!” I tried to yell at Fatty, but again, luck just went dry and a piece of rope was tightly wrapped around my muzzle.. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak... But at least I could see. Fucking perfect.

Lady luck is supposed to be on my side, dang it. That’s what my cutie mark is supposed to mean! What else could an empty revolver possibly mean?

I mean. Besides being unprepared.

Ha ha ha. Very funny. Do you want me to keep going or not?

Sorry. Keep going.

Loan Shark circled me, smiling widely and baring his unnaturally sharp teeth. “Ever hear of the old saying, ‘eye for an eye’?”

Considering my fucked up situation and how I couldn’t really do anything about it, I just nodded, keeping a cold glare trained on the fat stallion. Seriously, this guy was fat as hell. How could he even fly?

“Mm. Good. Then let’s get to the point, shall we?” His teeth seems to glisten under the low-light of the firefly lanterns hanging off a nearby raingutter.

I said nothing and watched him nod to someone-thing-whatever. The point is that I couldn’t see what he was looking at and it was making me mad.

“Let’s have some fun, shall we?” As soon as he finished his sentence, something struck me in the back of my head and I was seeing stars. The booze had long worn off and the massive pain shot down the back of my head faster than a pissed off rad-bat looking for it’s next meal.

“Cheating is punishable by death, Lucky Shot.” He repeated. “Maybe a small donation to the bar could make things... Not so ‘severe’.”

I grit my teeth and kept on glaring. I had a small fortune in the duffel bag I carried with me, but considering my luck, it was probably stolen, or Loan Shark already took it. Just the thought of it made me want to break his jaw even more than I already did.

“But it looks like...” He looked over my bruised and tensed figure. “You’re dead broke.”

I clenched my jaw and felt my horn grow warm as the yellowish-green light emblazened the dark alley for a short moment. I was ready to beat him with whatever was within hoof’s reach, but another thump against my head broke my concentration. A cold piece of metal gently pressed against my head.

“Ah ah ah, let’s not get too excited.” Loan Shark chided, laughing lightly.

You’re a fucking monster! I yelled in my head and struggled against the ropes keeping me still. This only lead to me getting struck again. A loud crack and a sharp, immense pain erupted from my left hind leg... And I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. The only sounds I could make were muffled grunts of pain and... A growl. A deep, hateful growl that I tore from my very soul to throw at Fatty.

Too bad he wasn’t very impressed.

“Awwwww, look’a dat, boss.” Said a dumb-stricken voice behind me. “He’s like an old dog way out of his prime.” The offending voice then lead to a solid hoof-smack across the back of my head. Just what I need. More fucking head trauma.

Loan Shark laughed and slowly plodded off into the shadows. It was too dark for me to see, but I heard him coming back shortly after. His heavy hoofsteps were a dead giveaway and as he trotted back into the light, I made a mental note to tear his throat out with my teeth.

He came into the light with MY duffel bag thrown over his dirty green wings. Every cap, chem, memento I’ve collected over the years were in that bag and he was spinning it around on the tip of his wing like it was a toy. “You know, Lucky Shot... I figured you for an honest business stallion. But-” he threw my bag on the ground before me and my belongings spilled out on the dirt in front of me. “I found counterfeit caps, smuggled chems, and worse, a list of pony’s names with CONTRACT written above them.” Again, he smiled and kicked the bag aside. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Go fuck yourself with a rusty rail you fat ugly piece of shit.

I kept my glare steady and said something that would never be heard behind the bonds.

“No? Well, it looks like I’d be doing Traitor’s Town a favor by offing a drug dealing merc like yourself.” He said in one of those cliche villain voices as one of his goons telekinetically placed a battle-saddle on his a back. The dusty old barrell of a worn repeater stared me down faster than my own mother could. Funny... I wonder if Fatty had a mother or if he sold her into slavery... I’m sure he’d do it.

Ha, look at me. Staring death in the face and I’m making jokes about my executioner.

Anyway, up until now, I hadn’t really thought about what it would be like to die. That’d be it. Game over. No re-loading your save or any of that bullshit. Yet I just couldn’t-- No, I WOULDN’T die at the hooves of some slimey, cheating, ugly shithead named Loan Shark!

Click Click Click.

I winced, but my head was still intact. No bullet holes or otherwise. I figured the worst was over and I wasn’t going to die. Not on that night anyway.

“Dammit boys!” Shark yelled, and threw the malfunctioning saddle off his back and took a deep calming breath. “Looks like we’re doing this the hard way.”

I blinked, then tried to smile. It seems Lady Luck does have a thing for me after all. One sharp movement later, I could plainly see the switchblade that Shark curled his hoof around. What’s worse is that he was slowly walking towards me. Okay. Never mind. Lady Luck hates me. Fucking bipolar bitch…

Ha. Bipolar bitches. I thought you loved those?

Yeah... Anyway... Where was I? Oh! Right. Fatty was trotting up to me with a switchblade held low to the ground, so low it scratched the clumpy dirt as he dragged it along. Was he trying to make a point? Be scary? Whatever it was, it’s hard to do when you’re as pudgy as he was.

The next second was filled with pain. No, it wasn’t a short, pinch or other booboo. My whole body convulsed as I tried to let out a scream. Nothing left my muffled muzzle and the left side of my vision went dark.

“Hurts, don’t it?”

The piercing pain grew until it was utterly unbearable and I felt my head jerk forward. A wet feeling oozed down the left side of my face as I slowly looked up; crimson droplets hit the ground like tidal waves. Everything seemed to slow down as I watched them slowly explode on the dirt.

I fought to hold onto consciousness. I made it clear I wouldn’t die without looking into Loan Shark’s greedy eyes. He wore that same smile he had back at the poker table. His green face was spattered with a few red dots and he shook his head disapprovingly with his knife dancing on his hoof. It was handle-deep with blood...

I can’t recall much else, other than the merciless beating I got from Loan Shark’s boys. Bats, bottles, and even a fucking taser. All the pain was lost in transmission as I closed my eyes and felt the numb beatings. The pounding against my back and head eventually stopped and I took what I thought would be my last breath.

---

I squicked a little at all the blood and stared at the body that I figured was dead. I then poked it in the side with one of my talons, because I wanted to make sure it was dead before I looted the corpse for spare caps. Waste not want not, right?

The body stirred a little.

Dang. Not dead.

I warred with myself for a bit, thinking on whether or not I should help the guy. I mean… He was just a random pony… And he was bleeding everywhere…

“...guh…”

Then I felt something deep inside of me. Something I hadn’t felt in a loooong time. There was something to that voice.

Plus… I guess that the unicorn was a little handsome… Especially if he wasn’t so bloody.

I stared at his form for a little bit longer. Hm… Could I use him as a body guard? Maybe as a money maker…?

I walked over to his face and booped his nose with a talon.

The partially dead stallion looked up at me and I think he smiled. Too bad I wasn’t watching his mouth. His left eye was about as mangled as any idiot who tried something with me I didn’t like.. “And here I thought a demon was going to come and take me to hell... Hello angel.” He said weakly.

That was probably the sweetest thing that anyone had said to me in years. Decades, maybe. “Shhh… You’re not going anywhere just yet… Go back to sleep.”

He tried to get up, but slipped in his own blood and went back down with a thud. He stopped moving, but he was still breathing. It’s a shocker that he’s still alive. He must’ve lost at least four liters of blood.

I rolled my eyes. “Moron. Let’s get you all patched up, alright?” I looked at my pack and sighed.

I was about to waste the last of my medical supplies on a half-dead stallion.

---

Turns out, once you get the blood and grime and whatever the hell else he was smeared in out of his coat, he was the handsome sort. Like, an actual handsome stallion, not one of those roided up freaks you see bouncing around like they own the place. He had muscles that made sense, and a horn that showed he knew how to take care of himself…

To a point.

I mean, he did end up in an alley with his eye gouged nearly out.

I had a great opportunity to examine him while I patched him out and kept him knocked out with some nappy weed I took from the outskirts of town. Stuff’s almost like catnip, only it knocks anyone the fuck out.

His eye, however… I hadn’t had the supplies to deal with any kind of serious injury since I quit The Talons-- A group of griffin mercenaries I ran with for awhile. So I had to get creative with my potion supplies.

Let’s just say I was glad the pony was not in the realm of the living when I did the surgery.

Having potion poured into your eyes suuuuucks.

I mean, I was the one who was doing it, and it just LOOKED like it hurt. It made the most disgusting hissing and slurping noise, and watching his eyes knit back together reminded me of the few times I had had to dig out bullets from my old squad.

… Luckily enough, he somehow managed to have no infections. Considering he was bleeding out in an alley, which is sort of like swimming in a volcano as far as chances of getting out alive…

He’s quite the lucky bastard.

Friendship and Revenge! Pt. 1

Right. Where were we?

What happened? I just got the shit kicked out of me, right?

Yeah. That’s about right.

---

Lucky Shot’s POV

You know those sayings of ponies waking up suddenly and with an upwards jerk? Yeah, those. I wish I could wake up like that. It would make things a whole lot easier for me. You see, I wake up slowly and groggily, normally with a kick-ass hangover and a few extra bruises as motivation to get up. Of course, as I woke to the world of the living, everything was a swirling vortex.

“Ugh. short on caps again…” A distant voice complained. “I can’t even sell myself for the caps… they’re going to start busting in the doors…”

The voice stirred me into action and I carefully rolled onto my shaky hooves. My eyes creaked open ever so slowly and I was enshrouded in darkness. Oddly enough, one side of my vision adjusted to the low light, while the other remained an endless void. “Caps,” I murmured in a dry, raspy voice and felt my way along a wall. “It’s always the problem.” My voice was no more than a whisper as I staggered-snuck against the wall, listening for the voice again.

“Grrr…” Then came the gentle click of ammo being loaded, with the gentle fizz of magical rounds. “Any time now… Then I’ll be dead..” She grumbles under her breath in a pessimistic tone. “Miss my old team,” she said quietly, with a pang of nostalgia. “They at least had a better plan than keep breathing and hope that one day you’ll be snuffed gently.”

Now, I may not exactly be a gentlecolt, but by the sound of things, this gal is in over her head in shit, and the first thing that hit my mind was to at least try to understand what happened... Everything was a blur. Still, as I think about it, waking up a place I don’t recall falling asleep in is never a good sign either. Maybe somepony drugged me and carried me off here. Maybe I made one too many bets and found myself spending the night with an ugly-ass mare. Or perhaps, this one is my favorite by the way, I ended up dying last night and I’m reliving some crazy-ass sinner’s nightmare where I suffer the deaths of those I killed before. Pretty smart sounding from a raider, right?

All philosophy aside, my forehead grew warm as the surrounding area was illuminated with an unstable yellow-green glow.

In a flash, something hard, cold, and rather intimidating was pressed against my head. Talk about deja vu. “Oh look. You woke up. Terrific.” Tears were dried and stained on her feathered face, but she was glaring at me instead of being a sad sap. I’ve always heard of griffons being so large, intimidating and fearless... Well, the large and intimidating part is on par. However, her tears touched a pang of sympathy in my gut.

“Yeah. Quite the red carpet you’ve rolled out for me.” I said, having to look up at her; illuminated by the magic light, her face was almost yellow. Her white feathers with gray tips were so pronounced, yet looked so cold, as if cast in cooled iron. Her frosted blue eyes enforced the feeling of a chill as the cold metal barrel pressed harder against my head.

“Got that right.” She muttered. “Ought to get some nice organic red mixed in with the shit stains, huh?”

“Yeah.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. However, something felt off about it. The left side of my vision remained dark and I felt as though I couldn’t even move my eye. I rubbed at it and blinked a few more times, but nothing happened. I looked back up at the griffon whom held me at gunpoint. “Hey. Is there anything in my eye?”

“Besides the metal scraps I cut out of it, there shouldn’t be that much.” She bent down a bit and looked me in the eye. Would’ve been nice to see what she was looking at, but I just couldn’t see anything.“Hm… Naw. You’re just blind.” Right before she stood back into natural resting position, I considered flipping the humming pistol she had against my head. Maybe I could’ve broken her neck, or something like that. Anyway, I didn’t do any of that because I was too shocked by what she said.

“Centaur shit.” I said bluntly, and sat on my ass, waving a hoof over my eye. Nothing. “Damn... What the hell happened to me?” I asked, mostly to myself as I rubbed my eye.

If what she said was true, I really fucked up last night. This isn’t just some corner-store robbery, no, this is grand larceny serious.

“Look, I don’t know. I found you three quarters dead in an alleyway and I had to pull a lot of shit out of that eye. Be more careful on it, would ya? It took a lot of work, and most of my vodka to make sure the rest of the eye didn’t rot out. You’re a damn lucky stallion that you didn’t die thrice over!”

“I don’t feel very lucky.” I retorted as I took a small step back to avoid an accidental discharge from the magi-laser pistol in my face.

Loan Shark... Cheater... Pain...

“Well. You’re not dead.” In the better viewing, she looked like a fucking bombshell.

As a note, I don’t sling that word around very easily. I’m just saying that you have to be pretty damn dead sexy for me to even raise my brow at you. There’s something about a woman who can put a pony down and scare the shit out of them at the same time that just makes them so damn attractive...”And I get the feeling that could change at any moment...”

Surprisingly, she flicked the pistol away with an even grip and turned to point it at the door. “Not like it matters, bub. You’re probably about to die anyway. Debt collectors are on my ass for unpaid accounts. I’m probably going to lose everything I have.”

I glanced to my right and almost laughed. The room was practically barren. The peeling stucco, cracked windows, and the fucked up vanity mirror made me question the legitimacy of her situation. I looked back at her and raised a questioning eyebrow.

“...Okay. They’re going to come and take the nothing I have.”

“Well, that’s great and all, but I think I’ll be going now.” I said, forcing the guilt back down my throat before I offered to help her. Whatever she did, she probably deserved the repo. And besides, who am I to get in the way of a legitimate business operation?

“I saved your ass, you owe me!” She suddenly growled, with her magi-pistol humming and pointed my way. “Now, ya gonna help, our am I going to use your body for a shield?”

Admittedly, I felt as though I would’ve been better off in a gutter at this point. I can handle a griffon, yeah, but when I’m unarmed and backed into a corner? Yeah, no. That’s not happening. Looks like I’ve gotta be Mister Nice-Guy.

I considered my options for a moment... “Fine,” I groaned, just thinking about the number of ways I could get out of here before she notices. Too bad all of them end up with me being a bullet sponge. Again, I looked up at her with a sigh. “May as well give me something to defend myself.”

She cocked her head to the side. “You any good with dash? I got a hit in my med kit ya can use.”

Drugs? Now she’s talking my language. “Dash and an empty gun and I can promise you’ll walk out of here alive.”

“... I can do you one better. I got five bullets.”

“Hoof ‘em over then. The smell of this place is making me sick.” I said in a natural bored tone.

“Aw, shut it.” She grumbled, but rather good naturedly, before handing me a clawful of bullets.

I caught the shells in a blanket of yellowish magic and brought one up to my good eye for inspection. “Damn, nice caliber to be carrying.” I said, looking over the .357 bullet. It made me smile, however. It brings back good memories to know how much stopping power is behind one of these motherfuckers.

“Meh. I used to carry around heavier shit back when I ran with the boys.”

“Yeah, that’s real nice. I don’t rightly give two shits.” I muttered as the shells fell into place. It’s kinda disappointing to see a single empty chamber like that, but I flicked the cylinder closed nonetheless.

“Eh. Fuck you.”

“What? I’m just being honest.” The revolver floated nearby, just above my sight lines.

“You want first pick on the loot on the bodies?” She flips her magical pistol of death in her talons, before pointing it at the door.

“And what makes you think the bastards aren’t thinking the same th-”

A loud thumping against the door brought my attention to the aged relic. Somepony was yelling and I knew the door wouldn’t hold up for long.

“Well? Go on magic lucky pony. Take your best shot or something.” She rolled her eyes.

I took a deep breath and was ready for the worst. My muscles were tense and I could feel the anxiety about to take hold. “Give me that dose of dash first.” I said in a shaky voice, as my hooves felt weak under me. “I need something to calm my nerves.”

She tossed the vial to me with a flick of her talon and the corners of her beak looked as though they were curled into a small grin. “Don’t die, Lucky.”

I was about to ask how she knew my name, but the sweet tingling feeling of pure adrenaline surged through me as I took a deep a breath on the cyan blue inhaler. The griff chick probably yelled something else, but I threw caution to the wind in my hyped up state.

As if on cue, the door smashed open, hitting the wall and leaving a dent where the doorknob was. A head, followed by a body started on it’s way through.

“Ah shut the hell up!” I yelled, throwing the door closed on the bastard with a magic push as I leisurely trotted to him. The resulted crack against his head was music to my ears. It wasn’t enough to actually hurt him, but the way he recoiled like he’d been shot was just too funny. He even dropped the machete he was holding in his teeth.

Then, my vision turned a tint of red darker. The smoking revolver was outstretched nearby and he jerked upwards and stopped moving.

The griffon had begun to return fire, pulling the trigger and letting out hot lasery death.

“Hello and goodbye.” I said as gunfire ripped the curtains off their hanging bar. I didn’t even flinch. In fact, I kicked the door open, breaking the hinges on it’s way out onto the street.

“Who the hell’s he?” Said a scrawny pegasus standing with his wings flared out. “This wasn’t part of the contract!”

“ Who cares? Just be careful with the bodies! You can get a nice price for the skins if you take them in one piece!” Another yelled.

A streak of red energy blazed over my head and there was a loud scream. Stick-peggy took a shot to his neck and squirmed on the ground.

Another smoking shot shook the revolver I held and he stopped squirming. Right back into the groove I went. Why was this so easy? Just bang and it’s done.

“Not a bad shot, lucky pony.” The griffoness grinned, then ripped the vanity mirror off of the wall. She chucked it at the firing ponies, with a nice almost dance-like movement.

It’s really something to see a pony get hit with a mirror and watch it shatter in slow-motion. Entertaining, really. I followed her movements and saw the three last standing reponies. I bolted from the cover of the doorframe and and at them. Shots were fired and I lost count how many I shot. Actually, I think I might’ve been shot once or twice.

Yet, there I stood, a .357 revolver pressed between the eyes of the last pony. His eyes were wide with unwieldy fear; his carbine had fallen just out of reach and there was no way he was getting it back. His eyes darted from his fallen rifle to me, his inevitable executioner.

“Uh uh,” I said, grinning widely as his eyes moved to his gun once more. “I know what’cha thinkin’, pal. Did he fire six shots, or only five?”

He gulped, and was sweating heavily.

“Well, to tell ya the truth...” I pulled the hammer back on the revolver. “I don’t know, and there’s only one way to find out... BUT, seeing as I’m such a nice guy, I’ll give you an option.”

“Oh, just get it over with.” I could hear the griffon behind me sigh. “Sadistic little fuck.”

“Oh fine.” I squeezed the trigger and-

Click.

“Ah shit.”

The griffon behind me burst into nigh hysterical laughter while the pony that stood before me knocked the revolver out of my grasp and tackled me to the ground.

---

Serena’s POV

I raced towards the downed pony, gun drawn in my talon. It was a limited edition model released before the end of the war, and it was really good at making things that annoyed me dead. In a flash, a single flash, I was upon the other pony, then pressed my gun right up against his head.

“Well? You feeling lucky, little pony?

He looked down at the stallion I saved the night before, then back up at me.

“Wrong answer.” I blasted his head with death and spread ashes out onto the cold floor.

I turned to look at the remains of the other ponies, then motioned at the one pony who hadn’t run off yet. “You mind scurrying back to your boss, little pony? I promise you don’t want to be around when I make a meal out of these boys.” I shot him a grin with as much of my sharp terrific beak showing as possible.

The repo pony, who had gone into this thinking they were going to kill the fuck out me, turned and ran like a scared little colt. I turned my head and looked my ash covered partner. “Yo. Lucky shooter. You gonna brush that shit off?”

He sat up and shook the remaining pony-particles off his blue coat and looked up at me. “Are we even now?” He asked with a bit of annoyance in his voice.

“Naw. I just saved your life again, pony. Besides! We haven’t even had lunch yet!” I switched the safety back on my gun and walked over to one of the dead ponies, looking through his saddle bags. “You in the mood for stew?” There was a handful of caps, some stray bullets, a lollipop...

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” He mumbled, and got up. A streak of blood ran down from his nose.

I sniffed the air. “Did you get hurt again?” Mm… A hint of blood perfected the smells of battle. I turned back to look at him.

He looked shocked as he rubbed a hoof across his nose. “What the f-- Damn. Ashes hit me on my way down.”

“So what’s your namey, Lucky pony?” I sing song. I’m trying to be annoying, honestly.

“Names are for friends.” He replied. What a dick.

“Dick.” I stated. “Seriously, whatever happened to bonding through combat?”

“It died with the world before the war.” He said spitefully and stood to his hooves.

“You’re really a bit of a downer. Are you coming down from your dash high already?” I turned to give him a dead pan glare.

“Yes, and I don’t exactly want to bond with somepony who just forced me to fight for them.” He turned around, while rubbing his eye.

“Meh. Good point. Well, I guess I gotta fight for you now.” I give out a little giggle. “Shouldn’t be too hard. Not like you got a grudge against Loan shark or something.”

He spun around and was in front of me faster than I could blink. “What’d you say?” He said hysterically..

“... You seriously got a grudge against that asshole?” I muttered, shooting him a glare.

His eyes widened in surprise. “Holy shit... Loan Shark...” He said thoughtfully. “That’s the bastard that took my eye!” He snarled.

I blinked a few times. “Soooo… You wanna kill him?” My tail flicked back and forth, swishing through the air with grace.

“That bastard’s more crooked than I am. He deserves to die!” He yelled, stamping a hoof in the dust.

“Got a plan for him to go down?” I asked. “Like… a small bale fire bomb… maybe a grenade…”

“I’m gonna trot right up into that bastard’s bar... And shoot him in the face.”

“You’re an idiot. I can see why you’re missing an eye. How about we come up with an actual plan? One that doesn’t end up with two pretty corpses?” I decided a few minutes ago that I was going to help him out. I didn’t have anything better to do, after all.

“Fine... I just want him dead.”

“Great!” I cheer. “Oh, my name’s Serena. Great name, huh?” I tossed him a few bullets I found in the saddle bags. “But seriously. You ever had good pony stew?”

His blank glare was enough of an answer. He clearly wasn’t the cannibal type.

“Aw, come on. It’s delicious!” I smile at him. Meh. Ponies are rarely that much fun.

“I’ll pass.” He said while loading up the old revolver I gave him.

“Right… I think I got some moldy carrots that might be good if you skin them or something…” I point to a loose floorboard where I stash most of the shit I haven’t sold yet.

“Yech... I think I’ll just pass on lunch for now.”

“Great. Let’s plan.”

---

Lucky Shot’s POV

Serena, that’s her name, went on and on about the different ways we could get rid of Loan Shark. Just the mentioning of his name brought back the horrid memories of the night before. I recalled every second of the drunken night, right up to the point where I thought I died.

I died...

Lucky Shot should’ve died that night... No, he DID die that night. I was lucky enough to still breathing when Serena found me. So... Who am I?

I looked up at the various pre-war posters that hung loosely on the walls around me.

CRUSH THE REBELLION!

Save the colts! Join the airforce!

Griffons do it hardcore!

Don’t be a REBEL! Join the griffon force!

I stopped and stared at the last one. The word Rebel was underlined in dark red marker.

Serena stopped doing whatever the hell she was doing to those ponies, her beak red with blood. “... That was my father’s. He found it back when he was still wandering.”

“Is that so?” I said with mild interest and looked over at her. “Did he sign off as a merc every so often to scrape by?”

“Yep. That how I got my contacts to join the Talons, for a bit.” She seemed a little bit… sad about it.

“Sorry, just thought I’d ask. I’ve always heard about griffons being some of the best damn mercenaries the wastes have ever seen. Wings, talons, the whole shabang.”

“Heh… I ran with a few of them for a while. Then they died off, so…” Again, something that shook the beautiful griffoness.

“Hey,” I stood up and trotted over to her. The crimson stains covered her beak and a few splotches of her face.

“Yeah, pony?”

“I’m no therapist, but something’s on your mind. If we’re going to work together, may as well tell me what it is.”

“Just fucking tired of being around this dump. After we kill that bitch, I’m gonna skip town. A hop a skip and a jump away, as far as I can fucking get.” She said this with confidence.

“Good luck with that. Seriously, you saved my life. Twice now.... I’m not used to saying this, but... Thanks.”

“Meh. It’s not hard when you keep almost dying to pathetic shit.”

“Yeah... Anyway. What’ve you come up with?”

“Well. I say we grab my last grenade, rig it up to explode when ever he gets it, and then mop up whatever is left. Or we could put it in a can that is full of nails…” She rambles on...

“Which would be more painful?” I ask, not trying to conceal my grin.

“Eh, probably the one with wood splinter…”

“Then that’s what we’re going to do.” I stood up, just as a strong breeze blew through the open door frame. I grinned and turned to the door. “Eye for an eye, Loan Shark. See ya soon...”

---

Under the light of the faded moonlight, I galloped through the near-empty streets with Serena in tow. The bar Loan Shark ran sat just on the outskirts of town and it looked practically empty. On the bright side, the explosion wouldn’t kill too many innocent ponies... But on the other, I don’t really give a damn and they’re in the wrong place, wrong time. So, fuck ‘em.

A few lights flickered on and off around the back and we ducked behind a dumpster that provided decent cover.

“Through the back, up the stairs, and drop the pineapple on him from above.” I repeated the shortened and edited version of Serena’s plan. It was good. Can’t lie.

Serena would be covering with laser fire, if it was even needed.

Then, the back door opened and out stepped one of Loan Shark’s boys. He had three sons. I hated just about all of them.

Shit! I thought, quickly moving back behind cover before he saw me. Loan Shark ran a tight ship and I should’ve saw this coming. The stallion flicked open a pack of cigarettes and lit one.

The fuck do I do? I thought inwardly, looking around the darkening alley. Then, an idea struck me.

“Psst. Hey man, you lookin’ for a hit?” I said, masking my voice in a hush and waved the empty Dash inhaler around the dumpster.

Dirty money looked around. Let’s just say that… He didn’t look all the right in the head. Maybe this one had been laundered a few two many times, if you catch the meaning. Seeing nobody… and it had been a while since his last hit… he walked towards the dumpster. He had a dinky looking bandanna on his head.

“I’ve got what you need, man.” I said as his hoofsteps grew louder. He turned the corner and before he could yell, I grabbed him by the throat and slammed him on the ground. His eyes met mine and I grinned.

“Remember me, fucker?” I said, putting an ungodly amount of pressure on his throat with my hooves. He sputtered, gasped and tried to get me off him, but I didn’t budge. His eyes were so wild in shock that it was a pleasure to see the life drain from them.

He struggled, but only limply, like he knew it was already over.

As his struggles died off, I patted his lifeless head. “Good kid. Must be the reason Loan Shark liked you the most out of his sons.” I laughed quietly and threw his body in the dumpster. His head hung out loosely and the bandana he was wearing slipped off onto the ground.

“I’ll be taking that,” I whispered and pulled the red and white checkered bandana up and over my face with magical assistance. I shoved the rest of him back into the dumpster and shut the lid. “Sleep tight, Dirty Money.”

I approached the door and peeked around the slightly open crack. I could see another one of Loan Shark’s sons by the bar, polishing glasses and tumblers.

And Serena, just chilling out in the bar and making small talk.

I opened the door slowly and ducked down low as I snuck towards the stairs.

“So, how long ya in town, sugar?” I heard the stallion say as I carefully stepped hoof on a stair. I couldn’t remember his name, but I know he served me my first few tumblers of booze the night before... So, he’s alright in my book.

“Eh… Just long enough for me to get my bearing. Riding through the desert with nothing to show gives you just the worst of itches…”

“Ain’t that the truth.” He said, and I quickly realized the only thing on his mind was Serena. Looks like she is good for something.

I hurried up the stairs and could hear a loud snore as I reached the top. It took me a moment to realize I was staring at the face of a sleeping stallion in a rocking chair. The pistol resting on his side gave me the suspicion that he was on guard duty for his dad. The balcony that overlooked the bar was just beyond him.

Serena was putting the moves on Loan Shark.

This gave me about twenty seconds before he got bored and moved on to another girl. I had to move fast!

The sleeping stallion stirred and my heart nearly stopped. His eyes cracked open just a sliver before I grabbed him. A knife that Serena had given me just moments before we left swished out off the sheath on my hoof. The blade plunged’ hilt-deep into his chest and I kept a tight hoof over his mouth to keep him quiet.

He stopped struggling, just like the one before him and put him back in his chair to make him appear to be asleep. I probably didn’t need to kill him, nor the last, but there’s nothing more satisfying as revenge.

I saved any one-liners I had and trotted over to the balcony. The bar was just as empty as it looked on the outside, spare for the last of the triplets, Serena and the fat bastard himself. The grenade I was given was raised and I couldn’t help myself but smile. Revenge is such a sweet thing and I was about to get it.

I was about to pull the pin as Serena got up from her stool at the bar.

“But I’m sure you’ve scratched lots of itches…” She leers.

“Don’t you know it,” Loan Shark said in his version of a flirty voice. Just hearing it made me want to drop the grenade on him even more, but I couldn’t. Not with Serena down there. “Why don’t you stay awhile? I could use an attractive young griffoness like yourself around here to really liven up the place.”

She cocks her head to the side and thinks it over. “Hm… Depends… Do I get a room?” She looks around, then up at the balcony for just a second, winking.

“Sure! I’ve got a room upstairs by the balcony with a great view of the town. Come on, I’ll show it to you.” He starts getting up just as his son by the bar slides him a glass of scotch. “Thank you, Tap Out.” He notes to his son and motions Serena to follow him.

“Hmm…” She thinks it over. “How about you wait a moment and let me use the ladies room?” She smiles at him, flicking her tail in probably the sexiest way a tail has ever been flicked. Like, seriously. I probably would’ve kept staring at her ass from up here if I hadn’t been reminded by the clustered rage I held within me.

“An eye for an eye, Loan Shark.” I whispered and pulled the pin on the grenade.“ I dropped it and took a few steps back.

“Ow, what the--?” The grenade had dropped and hit Loan Shark on the head. The sound of it hitting the floorboards was sweeter than I expected. “Oh fuck! Grenade!” He yelled quickly and I could hear him trying to get away from his inevitable death.

Seconds passed by and I trotted back to Money Shot. Yeah, that was his name. I shoved him out of his chair and sat down. His lifeless body tumbled down the stairs almost comically.

Then Serena screamed.

Shit.

Author's Note

Tony: Yo 7-4! Got anything to say to the readers?

7-4: Nope.

Friendship and Revenge! Pt. 2

Serena’s POV

As soon as I poked my head out around the corner from the little griffoness’ room and saw the de-pinned grenade on the floor and wasn’t blinded by a beautiful gore shower, I knew something was wrong.

Dead wrong. The pony I was getting to know, Dead Wrong. I mean, he wasn’t dead or anything, but he could probably be dead in a second. So, I did the first thing that came to mind.

I screamed like a little bitch. “AAAAAAAH!”

Loan Shark and his son peered over the bar counter after a few seconds and saw the grenade laying on the floor uselessly. “What the fuck is this? Some sort of joke?!” He turned his attention to the balcony above him and the rest of the bar. “Money Shot! Get your sorry ass down here you good-for-nothing little shit!”

No response came, and the fat pegasus was getting red in the face with anger.

“MONEY SHOT!” He yelled again, even louder. He turned to his middle son who had cowardly hidden behind the counter with him. “Go get your brother and bring him down here. I’m about to beat the ever living shit out of him for pulling this little ‘practical joke’.” He spat, spraying his son with a ugly slosh of spit.

“Y-yes s-sir. Right a-away, sir” His son stuttered and started for the stairs.

Oh shit... I thought to myself as Tap Out was nearing the stairway. Little lucky pony is up there and if he gets caught... Time for a five second plan. I sighed and reminded myself to slug that little pony if we survive this.

Loan Shark sent his son off and mumbled something I couldn’t quite hear and head for a door labeled “LS’s Office: No Entry.”

I fluffed up my chest feathers and sashayed out into the open bar, swishing my tail as I did so. I propped my talons up on a table and gave a sharp whistle to grab Tap Out’s attention just before he reached the door to the back room.

He turned his head and I had to pull the most sexy ‘come on over, sugar’ expression I’ve ever done. Also, I barely kept myself from vomiting, because dear gawd, I had seen bad teeth, and then there was HIS bad teeth. “Mmm… I see that you have your father’s good looks, handsome.”

The stallion - couldn’t be a month older than eighteen looked around and pointed a hoof at himself. “Are y-ya talkin to m-me, miss?” He stuttered... Jeeze, that stutter is horrifying.

“I don’t see anyone else around.” I said wistfully, and winked at him. The phrase, you incestual waste of flesh, of course, was left out of that.

Then he started slowly trotting over to me, bearing his yellow and rotten teeth all along the way. Dis-fucking-gusting. He took a seat across from me, still smiling. If anything, it wouldn’t have made me happier to do some improvised dentistry on that boy with a lead pipe. Not a bad idea…

“So, what’s a handsome fella like you doing around these parts?” In the corner of my eye, I saw Rebel, or whatever he called himself, peak around the corner of the backroom door. I motioned to Loan Shark’s office with my eyes and he seemed to understand.

“I-I’m the bart-tender here,” the rotten little punk of a stallion stuttered. I ran my pink tongue over my beak and leered at him, trying to get it through his skull that I was interested in him.

“I wonder what else you can tend for me~”

If I was trying to look naturally sexy like I always am, I would’ve probably laughed at his pitiful display of a bashful blush. All in all, it still made me want to throw him in an over-irradiated lake and see if he came back up the same, ugly as before... I just hope I can keep this up long enough for Rebel to do whateverthefuck he’s doing.

Rebel’s POV

Quick and clean, I thought to myself as I casually strode through the empty bar with the last of Loan Shark’s sons distracted. I guess Serena’s more useful that she looks. Then I reached Loan Shark’s office door and gently pressed my ear to it. I figured I might listen in on what he’s doing, quietly step in, then slam his head into a few walls and beat the booze out of him.

But then Lady Luck had to go up say, “Nuh uh, boy. You dealin’ with yo problems head on!”

Before I knew what happened, I was smacked in the face by a wooden door with enough force to possibly break my nose. Ow.

Luck’s a capital B-I-T-C-H by the way.

I landed on my ass and ended up staring up at the paling face of Loan Shark while I held my nose with a thin line of blood streaking down it. He looks like he just seen a ghost.

“What the fuck?” I said in a typical ‘am I high right now?’ kind of voice.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Something along the lines of, “Welp, you’re fucked now, Reb.” Right? Nah, ofcourse not! I’m too damn handsome to be at the end of the line already. Whether that curves my survivability or not, I don’t rightly give a shit. I hopped up, stared Loan Shark dead in his eyes and popped my heftlocks.

“Boo.” I said, just under my breath before spinning and giving a buck that felt so bone-crunchingly delicious that I just had to have another.

Of course the raucous I caused spurred the attention to whatshisface and he nearly span out of his chair, if not for the assistance of Serena anyway. She gripped his forehooves and held fast with her talons, pressing them against the table. “Where you goin’? The fun’s just starting, shit head.” She flicked her head, her beak flashing sinisterly in the dim light. “Come on. At least let me get a taste~” (Sevvy edit, go!)

I nodded a little thanks to that crazy bitch and trotted into Fatty’s office, closing the door behind me. He was sprawled out over a bent and beat up metal desk that could use a polishing. A theoretical river of red ran down his forehead where I kicked him. He looked like he could use another.

“Hey buddy.” I said, dragging out the “eee” sound and trotted up to him. “Miss me?” Just then, I grabbed him by his grimy mane and slammed his head into the desk beneath him; it squealed in protest, but bent further.

Serena’s POV

I kept the pony pinned down down easily enough, talons sinking into the sensitive calf of the hooves. Honestly, I’m going to be frank here and say that he smelled worse than he looked.

He looked like someone had dropped him into a blender when he was a baby, so that should tell you what he smelled like. Just the thought of entertaining this loser any longer than I had to was enough to almost make me vomit on top of him.

Kinda wish I had. It would’ve made him smell better.

Honestly.

My heart beat a funky dance rhythm in my chest. It had been a long time since I had been apart of anything like this, and anything I had been a part of had been FAR more planned out like this. This, this was like trying to grab strings to keep the stitches from pulling apart.

Rebel’s POV

CRACK!

Loan Shark’s desk caved in and he was left a motionless heap with his skull nearly caved in. Streams of crimson ran every-which way down his face. It’s a beautiful sight, really. I grabbed his mane and pulled him up to my face, grinning like the fucked up maniac I am.

“Awww, I can’t lose you just yet, Sharky.” I said coolly as his eyelids started to droop. He was going to pass out. He grunted something that I couldn’t quite understand and lightly tapped his jaw. “WAKE UP MOTHER FUCKER!” I screamed into his face.

That woke him up.

He was a bloody mess and was already missing a few teeth, which were laying haphazardly on the floor... I wonder if the tooth fairy takes other pony’s teeth too. I’ll find out later, I told myself and threw Loan Shark onto the floor.

He made a pathetic attempt to crawl towards the door, but I stomped down on one of his hind legs and stopped his progress immediately. Loan Shark gave a weak cry of pain that sounded more like a bat being strangled. His pain was my pleasure and I trotted around in front of him and gave another wicked grin.

“Why are you,” he stopped to cough up a blob of black shit that was probably part of his lung or something. “Why are you doing this?!”

I shook my head. “Tut, tut, tut, Loan Shark.” I said and ruffled his mane. “Rule of the wastes.” I knelt down so he wouldn’t have to strain his poor little fat neck to look up at me. “Somepony steals from you, you steal from them. Somepony stabs you, you stab them.” He stood up and held my hoof out to him, like I was going to help him up.

He started reaching up for it, just as I thought he would. Without a moment’s notice, my horn lit up and my knife tore from it’s sheath and dug itself into his eye whilst encased in an emerald glow. Yet, I took his hoof into mine, but kept digging the knife deeper into his pool-ball sized eye.

“Somepony kills you,” I whispered. “You kill them back.”

Before you go and say, “Hey, stupid! That doesn’t make any sense!” I just want you to take that little quote, lube it up nice and greasy, then shove it up your ass. I’ll say whatever the hell I want.

I yanked the stained blade out of his eye socket, dragging his whole eye with it. Of course, Loan Shark was screaming like a little bitch as this was happening, but that’s to be expected when you’re dealing with pussies like him who have other ponies do all his work for him.

As Loan Shark lied there, crying and bleeding all over the floor, I took a moment to look at his office. I hadn’t realized how much the place smelled like booze, sex, and gunpowder. That, however, is not what caught my attention... The pristine looking .32 revolver displayed in a glass case on the far wall did.

“This yours, Buddy?” I asked as I cracked open the display case and broke open the revolver to check the cylinder. It was loaded. Six clean shells neatly slotted into place.

Loan Shark cried out as the glass broke. It probably meant a lot to him. Well, it’s mine now. “Too bad,” I sneered and carried the pistol back to his broken body in a magical grip.

How poetic. To be killed by your own gun.

I lowered the pistol and leveled it to Loan Shark’s fat and ugly face...

Serena’s POV

BANG!

A loud shot boomed from the office that my little pony friend echoed through the bar and out into the darkening streets outside. It was loud enough that I turned to look at the door when it sounded off and the ugly shit I had kept restrained tried to break out of my talons.

Too bad he’s a pathetic shit-head. I would’ve loved a challenge.

Tap Out struggled, but I just sank my talons deeper into his soft flesh. He yowled and struggled some more. He just doesn’t get it. He’s not going anywhere...

“P-p-please just let me go!” There was a string of snot that ran down his face and into his mouth as he spoke. “I d-d-don’t wanna die!”

“Yeah, well, I want to live in a tall, pretty penthouse with all the med-x I can OD on, but we don’t always get what we want, now do we?” I growled back, causing him to shut the hell up for once. It’s about fucking time.

Then, as if one cue, that pony who I’ve decided to help knocked open the office door and strode over to me and my “captive”.

“We’re leaving,” he said quickly and raised a revolver to Tap Out’s temple. One loud bang and a short flash later, I was holding the hooves of dead pony whom slumped over to his side with a steady flow of red gushing out a pretty big hole in his head.. He gets his shit done.

“Whatever,” I said and let the dead pony drop. Rebel was already going for the door with his head held high. That must’ve been his first taste of revenge... Tasty.

I followed him out to the dark street just as he fished a fresh bottle of booze out of his bag.

“We celebrating already?” I asked as I huffed a laugh.

Rebel didn’t respond. Rather, he popped open the bottle, and stuffed a rag into the mouth of the bottle. Before I could argue, he had lit it and tossed the bottle through a window.

“Now we can celebrate.” He smirked as heat licked at my face. Flames spread through the bar quickly and it was lit up faster than a raider walking into a ranger compound. There’s a horrific beauty about it, but I kept my beak shut and just watched as the two story bar was soon set ablaze.

He turned around and started trotting down a dirt path that lead away from town. I saw two options: Go back to getting hunted down by reponies, or group up with this cyclops...

“Hey! Wait up!” I called and ran after him. If life with this guy is going to be this exciting on a daily basis, I might as well keep him nearby. He might prove to be useful down the road.

Level Up!

Rebel: Perk Acquired- Broken-In Baddie: You’ve committed some pretty fucked up stuff, pal, and are recognized as “baddie” in the wastes. Watch out, some wannabe hero might try to hunt you down. +Raiders and other evil aligned factions will not attack without provocation.

Serena: Perk Acquired- Party of Two: You’ve decided to stop being such an awkward, lonely bitch and teamed up with a pony who is just as murderous as you! No more lonely raids for you! Yay! +Gain 5 to all health related stats! +5 Reputation change towards your partners.

Good luck chumps!

Author's Note

TonydBrony: Phew, that took forever to get out... Anything to say about that, 7-4?

7-4: Hmm.... Naw.

TonydBrony: Damn.