Chapters Princess Celestia sat as she always did. Face neutral, posture proper, and a small comforting smile on her lips. Princess Twilight Sparkle sat to her left and Princess Luna sat to her right. Each was attempting to mimic Celestia's pose with varying degrees of success. Luna, who had practice from long ago, was doing well. Though, unlike Celestia, she wore an expression that could not be called comforting in any way, shape, or form. The scowl she wore could curdle milk and the fuming frustration in her eyes could melt snow. Though this was understandable. She was after all supposed to be asleep now. Twilight, bless her, was not doing so well. She shifted uncomfortably on the pillow, ruffled her wings, and kept smiling sheepishly at the being across from them.
Saying the negotiations were going badly would be an understatement. The simple fact that the leaders of both realms were required to overlook it personally said volumes. The issue at hand involved a lake , half of it sat in Equestria, the other half in the Griffon Lands. This has never been an issue before, but it would seem an interesting development had occurred. The griffons used the lake for fishing, had for centuries. But recently it would appear that the fish had grown smart. Because for some reason there were no more fish on the griffon side of the lake. They all seemed to have moved to the Equestrian side. Seeing as how there were several towns that survived almost solely from the fishing of the lake, this presented a rather large issue as the griffons started to fish in Equestrian lands. Causing lots of problems for the ponies near the lake as the griffons scared the animals and disrupted the weather.
This has led to over eight months of meetings, petitions, ambassador visits, and a few fist fights among said ambassadors. So it came to pass that the leaders themselves were called in to oversee the negotiations personally. And they were no closer than before at reaching a consensus.
"Celestia, I must again state the importance of the fish in this lake to my people. If we do not think of a way to have the fish return to how they were before, equally spread over the entire lake, then my people will need special sanctions to fish in your lands or several towns will fail." The Griffon King stated. The current king was named....Asmodius? Celestia inwardly sighed, it was hard to keep track when they changed every few years. She just decided a few centuries ago to use a catch-all term when meeting the current king.
"Your majesty, you must realize that seeing swarms of griffons dive bomb repeatedly upsets many of the local animals, and has caused not only large amounts of chaos but also structural damage. Not to mention the disruption to our weather, that the reactions in the weather that your people bring with the wind kicked up during their fishing has prevented the crops of the region from having a proper rain storm in months." Celestia spoke with an air of surety. She was planning the next four hours of discussion in her head, the emotional outburst of Luna, the whispered questions of Twilight, the accusations of the King. After running the politics of a kingdom for over a thousand years she started viewing the proceedings like a chess game. She could see her checkmate but it would require several hours of talks.
"We have ten and a halfminutes tops Princess!" He flew back to the table, almost knocking it over as he grabbed a red pencil and drew a red line slightly curving into the Equestrian side. "There,/! let us agree to allow my people to fish into your region this far for now. Continued negotiations can take place at a different date, yes?" The hope and terror in his voice was matched by the look in Celestia's eyes. She hated making decisions so quickly but it was necessary. As she was about to agree and end the matter, she heard her sister and former student speak up and actually outwardly groaned.
"WHY I NEVER! What has got thine in such a state? Why would we listen to..." Luna almost bellowed in the Royal Canterlot Voice while Twilight was spouting off how, as a temporary solution, it would maybe solve nothing as it was exactly what was happening already. Celestia took in a breath as the King snapped at the two.
"You do not understand what is happening! Now quiet yourself so I may end this before they get here!" The king growled at the two, Celestia would normally not stand for such behavior but considering what was about to take place if they did not....
*BANG!*
The door to the negotiation room burst open Celestia and the King's head came crashing down onto the table with a loud dual thud. Their groans echoing off each other as they pulled their heads back looking at the ceiling in defeat. Something whistled by and lodged itself into the table almost cutting the map in half. That something was an ax. The blade was odd as it looked more like a scythe with how it was shaped. It extended out from the top then at the end a sharp edge curved down parallel to the shaft. The blade itself was a big as Twilight, the shaft was a long as Celestia was tall and both the king and Celestia looked at it as if it meant the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING.
Needless to say both Twilight and Luna were already in defensive stances magic at the ready pointed at the remains of the door but what they saw gave them pause. Only three creatures stood in the door. All no bigger than Spike, Twilight's Baby Dragon assistant. Two wore crude black armor, the last wore purple and red robes that were ENTIRELY too long for the creature. At this point did the goblin in armor who threw the massive ax bellow in a volume that gave the Royal Canterlot Voice a run for its money.
"GOBLIN FIGHT SPEAKER ENTER! AX OF NEGOTIATION THROWN! LET FIGHT SPEAK BEGIN!" Bellowed the small form, Twilight was stumped on how something so small could be so loud, he made the Cutie Mark Crusaders seem quiet. Luna froze, slowly turning to Celestia with a look of pure and unbridled horror as she realized what just happened. She quickly went to her sister and whispered quickly.
"Sister. Why are the goblins here stating a claim in the negotiations? I thought they left us alone as long as we left them alone?!" Luna looked ready to bolt out of the room at the slightest chance. Celestia sighed.
"After..." Celestia quickly recomposed herself, almost losing herself to the memories after letting herself lose er facade, "After your banishment the Griffon kingdom tried to invade, thinking we were weaker without you. The goblins stepped in. It was not pretty. After 15 years of fighting I convinced the goblins to "fight speak" as they call it with the Griffons to end hostilities. They were doing a good job. But the Griffon kingdom and I did not notice when they had added something in the last treaty. If Griffons and Ponies were to fight again the Goblin kingdom would step in as mediators and "Fight Speak" for us." Luna's eyes became the size of pinpricks as she roughly slammed her flank into the floor understanding dawning on her. It was at this point that Celestia realized Twilight had moved.
"I welcome the fight speaker of the Goblin races humbly to mediate the current affairs plaguing the Griffon and Pony kingdoms." She said giving a small curtsy. Celestia, Luna, and the Griffon King all stared dumbly. Did she not know that they would not understand the basic procedures of welcoming ambassadors? They were goblins! Royal procedures and doctrine were as foreign a concept as mathematics was to a pig. The race was not stupid however, far from it. They just saw all that posturing and preening as useless and did away with it. Their speech sounded fragmented but that was because they did not use more than was necessary to get a point across. So they rarely said more then what communicated a purpose as shown by the announcer. At least that was what the three thought until the hooded figure laughed and began to speak with an air of intelligence and fluency that sent shivers up all three rulers' spines.
"Well now isn't that nice? Normally my kind is greeted with a rather simple welcome but you don't hold the old prejudices,"The hooded goblin paused, the voice was distinctly female which gave the three rulers pause. What she was saying also caused them to avert their eyes and avoid looking at her for a minute as they realized the truth in what she said. Twilight on the other hand looked stricken, similar to the expression when she got an answer wrong. Celestia had so far been very impressed with how Twilight was handling things. Her royal procedures lessons were paying off and from how she addressed the goblins she had obviously been researching into the goblins at some point. So Celestia was curious as to why she had that look.
"My sincerest apologies, I should have welcomed you as the Queen of Goblins not the goblin Fight Speaker," Luna and Azmody let their jaws hang open in shock, while Celestia only let her brow shoot upward in surprise. They knew that the goblins had established a monarchy and that they mimicked pony culture more than griffon culture, so their queen was the highest authority in an effort to establish a common ground between the two races. But they had never met her. In fact they all had been under the impression that the leaders never left their mountain home. At that moment the Goblin Queen unhooded and the pinkish skin revealed itself. Where normal goblins ranged from a dark forest green to puke green, this one was pinkish. Pale compared to a certain pink pony in Ponyville but pink.
Pinkie Pie sneezed mightily into Gummy's face causing the alligator to soar across the room. She apologized and picked him back up narrowing her eyes looking off into the distance. Hmming and scratching her chin.
"Well then I think a new round of tea and some recap of the issues at hand is in order don't you think your majesties?" Said this new goblin. Clapping her hands together as the two other goblins moved the doors closed, how something that small could lift doors 100x their size like they were nothing but air puzzled even the most learned scholar. For their part the three rulers simply nodded numbly as Twilight led the Queen to the table and then took her place back by the side of Celestia.
Author's Note
Ok. So this whole story kinda slammed itself into my head and I probably won't update it too often. But it was in my head and had to get out. I hope you guys enjoy it so far. Its going to be silly yes. But I am hoping to make something out of it in the end. Also ANY constructive criticism is welcome.
I will need to draw a picture of the Goblin Axe of Negotiation at some point for the Story.
Cleaning up some mistakes since I wrote this while drunk. I get the urge to write more wen drunk but man is it a mess afterward.
As the rulers of the three kingdoms settled down after the showy entrance, Twilight ran the Queen of Goblins through a recap of events. As she closed her explanation the Queen looked at the map and nodded.
"Always encroaching and getting more. Griffons see something this small as a chance and take it. Curious though. Does anyone actually KNOW why the fish left the Griffon side? I am sure you each thought on it." She spoke with a tone of mild amusement. As she spoke she took her hand and laid it on the paper and with the other removed the Axe of Negotiation and put it head down behind her. The paper was repaired of damage and looked brand new. Twilight's eyes grew and she suddenly blurted out excitedly.
"I did not know the goblins had magic, all the research I found stated them to simply be a great craftrace, your grace. After this would you mind discussing your arcane arts?" The other alicorns shook their heads in unison with the same thought, "Only Twilight." The Griffon King however looked unnerved.
"I was also unaware. That would make two races with magic." He said hostilely. The queen laughed and leaned back.
"What a nice segue from the question at hand your majesty ," She spoke with an air of grace until the last two words, they held a venom warning him against further insinuations. "As for my race's magic it is very limited. Unlike pony magic not everyone is given magic and it can only be used for the crafting or repairing of objects. The most gifted among my kind can repair entire cities like Canterlot in a matter of hours from complete destruction. But currently we have only one able to do such and our magic is severely taxing. If used unrestrained it can begin to leech our life force from us. So do not see us as some new threat from just this. My kind proved its strength long ago. As to answer Twilight I would be delighted. Maybe your deep connection to the heart of magic and it connections to the races can help us. Now focus. Fish on pony side. Why?" He eloquence left her at the end of her speech. It appeared as if making herself talk with more fluff was aggravating and a bit draining as she let out a huff and moved her mouth a bit from the obviously underused actions of speaking without being blunt. Celestia was the first to speak.
"Equestria has already sent several unicorns as well as my sister to verify no spells have been cast. The griffons have stopped fishing operations in an attempt to bring the fish back but to no avail. As far as any of us can tell it is a matter of the fish getting smart." She said all of this in a very matter of fact tone. The queen guffawed.
"Immortal Goddesses of Sun and Moon and the King of Flying Predator's understand a fish? Asking the sun to understand a Diamond Dog that is. Lots years the fish not learn then never learn. Curious though about being that has been small and weak, Twilight please state some theories." She smiled turning to Twilight. Twilight looked flustered and looked at the Princesses and Griffon King gulping.
"Well I do not think I would know more than," The queen slammed her hand on the table shaking her head before staring at Twilight in a very fierce manner. Twilight recoiled slightly and Celestia had stood to better level a glare at the Queen that the royal adamantly ignored. Twilight gulped and nodded, She had closed her eyes and pictured a lecture hall. She had decided to see it as a presentation of a scholarly study and used that tone. "Alright then. Well on my studies of fish, the only reasons for such a migration is either a lack of food from overpopulation, which with the regular fishing from the Griffons is highly unlikely. Or the presence of a new predator. Since the Griffons have been in the area for a long time it seems unlikely they are the cause. So if I had to make a hypothesis on what has been presented barring the possibility of spellcraft, increased intelligence of the fish, and lack of food for the fish. I would state that a new predator has entered the lake and made its home on the Griffon side driving away or possibly eating all the fish on the Griffon side." When she finished she opened her eyes and all the rulers except for the Queen looked a bit confused. The thought had not occurred to them. The queen, however, was smiling a very pointed and sharp, both literal and metaphorically, smile.
"Precisely. Fish lived in lake before Ponies and Griffons. Fish lived in lake with them. Fish will live in lake after them. So worse predator to blame." She coughed a bit before talking with eloquence again. "It is simply the case of a view point unobserved. Have some divers from the Griffon Kingdom look for this." She pulled a book out of her robes and landed it on the table with a thump opening it to a bookmarked page. Inside was a picture of something that looked like a cross between a shark, monkey, and kelp. "Its called a Merfolk. There was a colony that we were trying to incorporate into the Underground Union. However after finding them only a few months ago their entire civilization vanished. We have been quite worried expecting some kind of unknown threat but then word reaches us of the problem between Ponies and Griffons. I came to see if a theory I had was true. I believe it to be so." The Griffon king looked at the picture and groaned.
"It would seem I owe my hunting general a very heartfelt apology. He came to me saying his men were afraid to fish because they were seeing lake monsters. I had him thrown in the dungeon for telling tales of fancy." Luna suddenly bristled.
"You mean to tell me that Equestria was accused of sabotage, repeatedly, and yet you had knowledge of these creatures?" The king sat up and puffed himself out.
"I would hardly call half vague accounts from weary and very disturbed griffons knowledge. When the fish started getting sparse many were claiming a curse had befallen the lake. If stories of monsters in the lake got out I would not have been able to control the chaos. DO NOT lecture me Princess!" Luna looked ready to retort, loudly, before Celestia interrupted with a question.
"Why not simply bring us the information instead of all this extravagance your majesty?" She directed to the Queen. She had yet to hear her name. Name's were rarely given from Goblins, usually only a title was enough for them. But Celestia had resolved not to assume or rely on old prejudices again as she waited for a reply. The queen smiled again. A wholly unsettling event for all to witness.
"How better to remind old allegiances of debt's owed than reminding them of old treatises? I have things I wish to discuss with the Griffon and Pony kingdoms. And I needed to remind you both that we still existed. I am well aware how my ambassador's are treated. With little to no actual care in the messages they bring or the questions they ask. Given basic hospitality and not even greeted by your own ambassador's but by servants or in a few cases a hotel manager." The last part was leveled at the King who looked down and muttered something about lack of personnel. "That ends. I have come here because petitions for land on the surface have gone unanswered. Petitions for mining in the Griffon mountains have been stalled with excuses and a plea for aid by the Thestrals was ignored until Princess Luna was reinstated as Princess of the Night. The Underground Union has decided it is time to step into the politics of your land. As you may rule the top part but I need to remind you that your share is a lot smaller than ours in terms of land. Now that the current proceedings have concluded I gave my word to have conversation with Twilight on my race. I will see you all tomorrow morn but tonight business is done. Twilight lead to Library. I also hope you do not mind if I stop with all this fluffy talk. It is pointless and taxing." Twilight immediately stood and led the Queen out the room changing her dialect to match the simplicity and curtness of the Goblin's. The Princesses and King sat staring at the Queen as she left with Twilight. The weight of the implications leveled at them becoming apparent. This time it was the King who spoke.
"It would seem our prejudices got the better of us Princesses. I for one will see it end. The goblins are many things, chief among them being noble warriors. Many in my kingdom even tell the tales of the goblin-griffon war seeing them as a stain. Unable to see how such beings could fight us and win. But I read the books and the tales. I read the first hand accounts of their cleverness and tactics. And yet I too fell to the prejudice. Today opened my eyes. And from the look of you Princess Celestia even an immortal such as yourself can be shown how little they know." He left abruptly after his monologue as Celestia and Luna sat in the room. Luna was staring at the picture unable to understand how the idea of a new predator never occurred to her while Celestia was meditating on how oblivious she had become concerning the goblins. When she first learned of them she was hyper vigilant fearing a threat to her little ponies. But the continued years of peace and little contact had made her forget that they were not to be taken lightly. She had taken the peace for granted and was seeing that come to bite her in the flank. Tomorrow was going to be interesting.
Celestia internally cursed herself. After last night's rather eye opening meeting she decided to catch up on her understanding of goblins to find that she knew NOTHING. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Every book she read offered more information and the fact that she had all but ignored this race for so long made her uneasy. Apparently many of her ponies were inspired by their skills in crafts like architecture and sculpting. There was even tourism supported by the Goblin Commerce Council. She paused as a small tug on her horn told her she had just pulled a "Twilight" and had spent the entire night researching. Here she thought they had little interaction except for a few ambassadors coming into the castle but apparently they had been seen in all corners of Equestria, used in the building of several monuments, and were a thriving economic partner in trade. Her economic and foreign affairs advisers both said a similar thing when she asked WHY this information was not in their annual reports, "We thought you knew."
She strode onto the balcony and raised the sun into the sky sighing. She reasoned that before tonight most of her subjects knew more about "Our Skilled Neighbors Below" as one tourist pamphlet described it than she had. At this point she was certain Twilight probably was an expert on them compared to Celestia's own knowledge. Celestia perked up at that thought. Twilight could instruct her on Goblins. She was still having problems with seeing Celestia as an equal even after she became an Alicorn so this might help her come to terms with it if Celestia became her "student" for awhile to understand Goblins better. Besides, as much as Celestia understood the importance of literature she actually was never a very avid reader. She preferred to listen to someone than read about things. Luna was the reader. At that moment as if summoned by the thought Luna swooped onto the balcony with a yawn.
"Sister, dost thou have a copy of the tome "Goblin Craftworks: Inspiration Under Your Feet" by Writ Explorer? The library said many Goblin themed tomes were brought to you last night." Tiredly spoken and drooping her wings by the end of her question she was half leaning on the wall, her eyes fluttering closed. Celestia hid a smirk behind her hoof before prodding her sister.
"I do and many others I know you will want to read but first come have a nap in my bed. Once you are not about to pass out on my balcony maybe you cane devour them to a better degree than I have. For my sake I will simply go ask Twilight for an in depth lesson on the subject. I will also be setting up the meeting with the Goblin Queen. I will make sure its between afternoon and evening in a few days to allow you your rest dear sister." Celestia spoke kindly and softly, Luna started to protest but stopped once laid on the soft bed where she snuggled against a large pillow and promptly went to sleep. Celestia was so glad that the girls had helped her sleep more soundly. Another thing Celestia had apparently been oblivious to recently. How could she miss her precious sister's guilt riddled thoughts? She sighed before slowly leaving the room heading to Twilight's bedroom down the hall.
Celestia approached Twilight's room only to hear giggling and excited murmurs. She could tell by the tones about 5-8 ponies were inside. Celestia knocked a bit hestitantly upon this realization. While she did not mind asking her student for help doing so in front of a crowd was a bit more jarring for her. After the knock the voices quieted and the door burst open in a cacophony of explosion and streamers as Pinkie burst through the door and in a flash Celestia found herself in the room sitting with a party hat on and the most delicious cake in front of her.
"PRINCESS SO GLAD YOU CAME! Sorry I did not send an invite but this was last minute "Twilight made a big important thing happen!" PARTY!" Celestia went to reply but found that she had a noisemaker in her snout when instead of words a loud blare came from the toy. Removing it gave her enough time to register all of the girls being present. One draconequus as well ,upon seeing Discord, Celestia decided asking Twilight for help was not happening today. The girls were one thing but showing weakness to that one was entirely a different thing. So Celestia said nothing and started eating her cake. Discord spoke over Pinkie who was still yammering off about the preparations she did.
"Celestia, I have to say hearing about your run-in with the Queen has made me very happy. It is not everyday I hear about you being at a loss for words or caught off guard. Why if I didn't know better I would surmise you had completely forgotten about the little tinkerers in the mountain." The last sentence was said in a tone that let Celestia know that she was already found out. What made Celestia grind her teeth however, was what he did next, "Now that gives me an idea! Twilight why don't you give our naive Princess a lesson on Goblins?" She was glad to have Discord reformed and he certainly helped with the mind-numbing monotony that was ruling but sometimes all Celestia wanted was to beat him repeatedly with Canter Mountain, the whole damn mountain. He really was one of the only beings able to make Celestia lose her royal mask, her fuming expression and clear sign of this. Twilight spoke up hesitantly.
"Discord I am certain the Princess knows more about Goblins than the rest of us combined. She just was not expecting to see the Queen yesterday is all." She admonished Discord who got a smug smile and looked at Celestia raising an eyebrow. Celestia sighed. She realized what he was doing now. He knew all about her ignorance and he was trying to force her to admit it in front of him. By the sun he could be infuriating. Celestia let her demeanor fall for a bit taking a deep breath and pushing her pride out of the way for what she was about to say.
"Actually Twilight, I don't. In fact until last night I was unaware of the fact they were such huge trade partners with Equestria. I have investigated the lack of information in my financial and diplomatic reports to find that because they were such a positive influence and because any problems were handled quickly, the Goblins never made it into my reports as everyone thought I already knew all about them. The only thing I knew was occasionally diplomats came to the palace and were handled by my own representatives. Though after the things I heard last night I may have to make sure I see their diplomats personally from now on." As she spoke everyone was quiet, Pinkie was sitting next to Discord eating the popcorn he summoned for the little "show" he forced. He wore the most smug and victorious smile Celestia had ever seen on him. The rest of the girls wore expressions ranging from mild amazement of Applejack to the shocked, stunned, and downright flabbergasted expression of Twilight, well might as well give Discord the victory, "As such I actually came here to have you instruct me in their culture and customs. I need to know more about them." As she finished the girl's expressions went to the same one, awkward tension. Discord however looked like Christmas, his birthday, and Halloween had somehow all happened the same day. Celestia groaned already knowing who was behind her.
"That explains many things. How about I teach you. Twilight will be student too. Ponies knowledge of my kind is more limited than I feared and that needs to stop so better friends ponies and goblins can become." The Goblin Queen was grinning ear to ear as she stood in the doorway to the room. Celestia sighed and nodded in defeat feeling that ever since the Queen came all her control and plans just seemed to fail horribly. A small part of Celestia seemed too happy about this for her liking.
Author's Note
I broke my rule in this chapter. Usually I switch chapters when ever the location or the personal monologue changes. But That would have resulted in a very small update and I havent updated in over a year so I decided to break the rule this once.
"Once upon a time in the magical land of Equest...."
"NO! Pretty Pony no storyspeak! Storygoblin job! So Storygoblin storyspeak!"
"...Fine!" Pretty Pony Narrator storms off.
*Cough, cough, HACK, WHEEZE, Phlem, Spit*
A smooth and deep voice starts to narrate.
"In a time forgotten by all but the eldest of the races a war raged over the territories of the surface and sky. What only a handful of races knew was the war also raged for territory below ground as well. The Goblin race, consisting of goblins, orcs, and trolls fought with Diamond Dogs, Changelings, and Thestrals (or Bat Ponies). When the surface world started to freeze and the ponies of the surface decided to find a new home, the goblin race decided to follow. Weary of the fighting in the home country and wishing to find peace. So it was to be that when Equestria was established above so too was a goblin kingdom below. When refugees from the other underworld races made their way into goblin lands they were not shunned instead deals were made to broker peace. The Goblins deciding if it worked for the," *Ahem*," 'Pretty Ponies' then it should work for them. So it came to be that the Goblins took their kingdom and solidified it in the mountains. Diamond Dogs received the valley floor where jewels most commonly were found and the Thestrals were allowed the swamps and marshes of the land where fruits were abundant but other ponies feared to tread. The changelings were at first welcome but after many betrayals and attempted coups, they were shunned by the other three races and banished from the underworld and surface alike. And so it came to pass that Equestria found it self with two separate kingdoms. One above and another below. And this is where are story truly begins."
Author's Note
This is short and sweet. A simple narrative establishing the basic background. The next chapter will have a more story-like format. Hopefully you will enjoy the Goblins as I portray them.
God I need to not write when Drunk. I don't want to change much but its kinda off on the wording. I corrected the grammar mistakes I saw if you see any please point them out to me.