Alisa, or, The Battle of the Princess and the Queen: A Comedy with Short Chapters.

by MeepyMeeper

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1027

Alisa is the queen of Stallionduran, and the most beautiful alicorn in the world. Or is she?

When one of Princess Celestia's guards decides to desert the Equestrian cause and become fabled Queen Alisa's thousand and first servant, Celestia learns that Alisa, a white alicorn with long auburn hair and "striking" blue eyes, holds the title for the most beautiful pony in the world…a title she has coveted for years. So she drags her sister Luna to the palace of this so-called Queen, to stage an epic war of wills. But when they arrive, Alisa seems to take Celestia's anger in stride. By the end of the day, things have gone a lot different than Celestia planned. She has agreed, somehow, to a battle of, not wills, but cake.
Yes. Cake.
The object of the contest is to eat the least amount of cake you possibly can. Whoever has the least amount of cake marring their pretty white face at the end of thirty minutes will win.
This is going to be hard.

Cover art (C) ME!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-09 19:10:01 UTC

Chapter One – In Which Introductions Are Made (Both To the Reader and Among the Characters).

ONCE UPON A time there was an alicorn named Alisa. She was tall and white, with a long auburn mane and blue eyes. Her cutie mark was a crown, and she was the queen of the kingdom of Stallionduran. Many thought she was the most beautiful pony in the whole world.

She lived in a great palace, with a thousand servants, a cook for every day of the year, and a mare who was the personal caretaker of the queen. While this may seem ridiculous, the fact remained that all one thousand three hundred and sixty-six ponies genuinely wanted to be there. The fact also remained that every one of them caught every single cold and flu and illness there was out there, so most of the time, half of them were out of commission. At one time, Alisa had taken pity on her rather large staff body, and she had tried to get some of them to “perhaps leave for a short time”. Every one of them refused, swearing fealty and loyalty to their “exalted queen” for the rest of their days. Needless to say, that plan failed.

As a result, the palace was very busy all the time. Mares and stallions alike bustled about all the time, doing all the various things they wanted or needed to do. It was never quiet, not even at night! Alisa had made a habit of casting a silence spell around her every evening, when she lay down to sleep, very early on in her experience of ruling Stallionduran. Only Belinda, her most trusted companion and the mare who was by her side practically 24/7, was allowed to be heard.

Stallionduran was a fairly small kingdom – especially when compared with the larger kingdoms, such as Equestria – but Alisa’s daily duties seemed endless. Sometimes she just wanted to take a day off. And there was also the small annoyance of being tauted the most beautiful pony in the world. She was always being invited to everypony’s dinner parties, and if she refused, said pony would show up at the palace and cry dramatically for fifteen minutes straight before Alisa finally said yes. And the guards wouldn’t do anything to stop them from coming.

Alisa’s life may have seemed perfect, but it wasn’t. Not by a long shot. And it was about to get a whole lot worse.

Meanwhile, the Royal Princesses of Equestria lived in Equestria (of course). Princess Celestia, a tall, white alicorn with a flowing, multicolored mane and eyes of pink, was in charge of raising and lowering the sun at dawn and dusk; her sister, Princess Luna, a smaller navy alicorn with a flowing, translucent blue mane and eyes of green, raised and lowered the moon at dusk and dawn. The two alicorns maintained peace and harmony throughout the land, as the only rulers of any kingdom in the world…

…or so they thought.

One day, Celestia was in her room, brushing her hair. After fifty strokes, she put the brush down and was about to apply a small amount of rouge to her smooth white cheeks when there came a knock on the door. “Who is it?” she called.

“It is one of your royal guard,” a male voice replied.

“Come in,” Celestia bade, magically unlocking the door.

A pegasus guard pushed the door open and glanced at Celestia, somewhat nervously.

“Is anything wrong?” the solar princess inquired.

The guard shook his head. “No, nothing is wrong. I just…would like to ask you something.”

When he didn’t continue, Celestia prompted, “Well, what is it?”

The guard hesitated. At length, he made up his mind and said it.

“I want to leave.”

“WHAT?!?!” Princess Celestia shot up from the stool she sat on. “WHAT?! You want to LEAVE?! Leave ME?! Where to?!”

“Stallionduran!” the guard replied, as he shrank back towards the door in terror. “To – to be Queen Alisa’s thousand and first servant! To aid her three hundred and sixty-five cooks!”

This stopped Celestia in her tracks. “Thousand and first servant??” she asked slowly. “Three hundred and sixty-five cooks? She sounds like a prissy-pants.” Then, with a sudden surge of rage, “Who is this Queen Alisa, and why would anyone choose her over me?!” Her eyes flashed, her face contorting into a grimace of anger as she leaned towards the

guard.

Wide-eyed, the guard’s hind legs gave way and he sat down hard, gasping, “Because – because – ” He began to scrabble on the floor, trying desperately to backpedal out of the room, but to no avail.

“BECAUSE WHAT?!?!” Celestia practically screamed in his face.

Deciding to take the same tack as her, the guard yelled back, “BECAUSE SHE’S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PONY IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND I LONG TO SERVE HER!”

There was absolute silence in the palace for a moment. Outside, down the hall, an assembly of guards listened carefully and anxiously for the next move.

And then, Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia of Equestria opened her mouth and shrieked to high heaven.

“THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PONY IN THE WHOLE WORLD?! *THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PONY IN THE WHOLE WORLD??!!** I have wanted that title for YEARS! But I see somepony already has it, unbeknownst to ME! And now you, you worthless pit scum, want to desert ME and join HER! Ridiculous! Absolutely, one hundred percent RIDICULOUS!!!”*

The guard fainted. Taking no heed, Celestia stepped to the doorway and yelled, “LUNA!! Pack your suitcase and get your navy butt over here RIGHT NOW!”

Luna had, in fact, just been coming down the hall. Now she rushed to her sister. “Tia! What in the name of the moon is this about?!”

“There’s an alicorn who claims she’s the most beautiful pony in the world. We need to get over there RIGHT NOW and teach her a lesson!” Princess Celestia declared, her mane picking up speed as though it were excited for the upcoming adventure. “Go pack your suitcase and get back over here ASAP. We teleport to the palace in Stallionduran in five minutes.”