My days are all the same. I go through them with the lack of motivation and emotion. At one time I had emotions, but I learned to remove them from myself, as the only thing I felt was the pain. The pain of not being wanted. No, the pain of not being needed. If I had never come to this world, it would be the same. Or it probably would be better off without my existence. I contribute nothing to this world. The only gift I give is the carbon dioxide that I breath out. Which is only a gift to the un-moving plants.
Before I gave up my emotion, there was one thing that brought me happiness. A show that I will not name, as when I showed people that I watched it the pain they gave increased. It was the only thing that kept me going. I would go through all of the pain just to receive the one small moment of happiness I would get from it. The way it showed me what it would be like to be in a perfect world. It was my light at the end of the tunnel.
My meaning of life.
But it turned on me. As I progressed into the world I wanted, I only found more pain. The show only created a desire towards the love that was in with the characters. The lack of it that I had would tear me apart. I soon found myself imagining being apart of it all. These imaginations made me fall in love with a character. But this love was fake, and would never be. How can I be with something from the imagination of someone else.
I quit watching the show, because it turned from being the thing that kept me going, to an addiction. This addiction only brought me more pain. But even after I stopped, I was still haunted by my fantasies in my dreams. This princess of the night had found a way into my dreams. But instead of doing her duty of removing the nightmares from her subjects slumber, she only turned my dreams into terror. As if to only feed my addiction, and increase the want of their love.
I knew there was only one way out of all the pain. Only one way to end my addiction. To escape from the torment that waited for me at school and the nocturnal that would wander in my sleep. I tried long ago before the show, but my emotions held me back. This time I have no emotion, and the nightmares will only help me further. I will be alone forever, with nothing to give me pain and no worries of the suffering from the night.
As I sit here with the knife resting on my vital vein in my arm, I can see her. My princess of the night, she is watching me. She will haunt me to my end. I pull the knife down, and I am met with a warm feeling.It's nice, a warm welcome to my peace. I can see the look on my princess, but it is not what I expected. Instead of her being happy, she looks sad. As if she wanted my death to be cold and painful. She runs towards me, but I lay back and look at the night sky. I smile, finally I am warm, finally I am at peace...
Finally it is over.
I remember warmth. Which is weird because I never feel it. I only feel pain. I am laying down, and as I go to sit up I am met with a familiar feeling. Pain, there it is. My head is pounding. The migraine I feel is the welcome to the real world. I know because if I were dead then I would be free of it all.
I open my eyes to blurriness. The colors too bright, which causes me to close them again. I rub them to regain my usual vision. But as I open my eyes I am still met with colors to bright, the blurriness is gone, and I have to squint. I can see that I am in a forest. One too dense to see more than 3 meters.
I stand up and look around. I stop observing the surroundings and look at my arm. A small cut can be seen on my brachial artery.
"How did I not bleed out? "
I continue my look around and find that I have no idea where I am. So I walk. On my way I pass foreign plants. Ones too different from the ones around my house to even be close to my town. Upon closer inspection do I find that they are cold. But the air around me is strangely close to room temperature.
"Weird"
I continue to walk, and after about half an hour or so of walking, I come across a town. It is familiar to me, though I cannot place it. The need to know where I am, and the knowledge of how they will immediately find reasons to hate me are equally balanced. And choosing to go or to stay is hard.
But I have experienced too much pain for a lifetime, and choose to stay away. As I turn around I notice something strange. A yellow horse with pink mane. But even though it was strange, it was also familiar at the same time. I knew that I had seen it before. I just knew it.
It then turned to look at me.
Wait, it can see me. I quickly ducked into a nearby bush to hide. When I looked out to where I saw the horse I saw that it had noticed me. And instead of coming to investigate it ran off into the town. I knew that I needed to move or risk getting caught, there was something weird going on, and I will not be caught in the middle of it.
I went back to the cover of the woods and pondered over what I just saw. I know that I have seen the town before, and the horse is somewhere in my memory. But where.
Before I could remember where I had seen it, I was knocked down and then blacked out.