Dreamscape: What Dreams May Come
-o-O-o-
The grey-coated stallion lay peacefully on the bed, thin sterile blankets draped casually over the lower half of his body, the only sign of life the shallow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in what appeared to be tranquil slumber.
The machines either side of the bed stood in silent vigil over the prone form, dormant as they were and doing little to disturb the calm. They had been disconnected a couple of days earlier, the stallion far beyond all need of them now.
To the untrained eye it would seem as if he were merely sleeping. To the Princess of the Night, keeping a close attentive watch from a chair beside the stallion’s bed, it was far too apparent that nothing more could rouse him. This still rest was to be his last.
It broke Luna’s heart to see him like that, all signs of the vibrant creature she had come to know and love throughout the decades lost to the cruel ravages of time, until all that remained was the helpless form before her. Time waited for no pony. Eventually, it claimed all who shuffled along the mortal coil, leaving none untouched.
Except, perhaps, an immortal.
And Luna’s very soul ached because of it.
It was cruel that she had to endure this. Cruel that she was forced to watch him slowly slip away from her, completely helpless, each weak breath a little shallower than the last. A brilliant, vital life brought inexorably to a feeble, whimpering close.
There was so much sadness, so much anguish and anger in her heart in that moment that Luna didn’t know quite how to feel. It overwhelmed her so thoroughly that all she felt was numbness.
For all her power and magic, her knowledge and millennia of experience, she was as powerless as any pony to prevent the inevitable.
All she could do was watch as he gradually slipped away from her, beyond all reach. But, at least she would be there when the end came. He would not face the reaper alone.
And, as the fates ultimately commanded, his final breath fell to silence and slip away he did.
In the peaceful embrace of Luna’s night, its mistress and keeper present to the last, Graeme passed on and into eternity.
-o-O-o-
Luna stood alone in the darkness of the dreamscape, dress billowing around her in an elegant dance with the gentle midnight breeze. The place looked the same as it had the first time Graeme had summoned her there, all those years ago, and she felt it only fitting to stand there and admire it in the humanoid form they had crafted for her together practically right back at the beginning. A tribute, if she was truly honest, to the very reason she cherished that place beneath the multitude of stars.
But somehow it all felt so very empty; incomplete. The depth had faded from the world and the whole thing seemed like a shallow mockery; a weak façade of its former glorious self.
Its architect was dead. The world around her now, Luna knew, was nothing more than her own approximation of the little universe Graeme had engendered, that the pair of them had frequented and developed together in their shared dream.
A world now torn apart.
"Hello sweetheart." A disembodied voice came from all around. Luna hadn’t sensed the presence at first, but as a form began to coalesce out of the darkness before her she began to feel a mind that was separate from her own, but at the same time not at all unfamiliar.
The figure quickly gained distinct definition, essentially materialising directly in front of the Princess of the Night.
It was a human form. And he was smiling.
“Graeme…” a lump rose in Luna’s throat, silent tears threatening to overwhelm her.
Graeme’s features softened and he stepped forwards, cupping her face delicately with one hand. He felt the cold trickle of a tear work its way down her soft features as his thumb lightly caressed her cheek.
Luna’s eyes drew closed as she leaned her head into his palm with a deep sorrow -filled sigh, losing herself for a moment in the tenderness of his touch, her mind awash with so many divergent thoughts.
"I'm dying, aren't I?" Graeme asked, voice barely above a whisper.
Luna slowly reopened her eyes. The expression on Graeme’s face was a mixture of bittersweet sadness and acceptance. He already knew the answer, it seemed. But Luna still wouldn’t deny him an explanation; she simply couldn’t, even as her own emotions threatened to overwhelm her, "You died.” She explained simply, “You're never going to wake up again. It's just the two of us, here, now."
For however long that lasted…
That was all they had.
Luna’s hand rose to where Graeme’s rested upon her cheek, her fingers wrapping around his hand to take hold of it. She needed to be in contact with him; to know he was actually there with her. To know that it was him, and not some mere phantom of her own imagination.
"Will you stay with me?" Graeme asked.
Luna gave his hand an affectionate squeeze, "For as long as I can."
A moment of silence passed between them, disturbed only by the sound of the wind and the rustle of the long grass. But Luna could still sense Graeme’s next question even before he asked it, "What's going to happen to me?"
It was a question Luna knew all too well that she couldn’t answer. What did an immortal princess know of death? Countless ponies had come and gone during the span of her long lifetime. Some had fought their hardest to hold on to this life, and others had met their end with a quiet, dignified gratitude to finally be at rest. Death was a natural part of life for them. But there was nothing natural in immortality. And so, Luna could not even begin to fathom it, much less know what, if anything, possibly lay beyond the mortal existence.
Perhaps an eternity they could call their own? Or perhaps they simply ceased to be, living only in the memories of those they knew and touched in life?
"We do not know."
"Good.” To her surprise, Graeme actually seemed pleased with her answer, “I'm glad there's still some mystery in your life."
Luna couldn’t bridle the heartfelt smile that worked its way across her lips. All she could do was shake her head in amusement. Graeme wasn’t afraid; he was merely curious. Even after all the time they’d spent together she was astounded to discover that he could still surprise her in the best possible way. And, all the while, she knew she shouldn’t have expected any less of him.
There was a reason he had been precious to her; a reason he always would be.
The tears returned to her eyes, brimmed with both sadness and joy. Luna slipped her arms around Graeme’s neck, pulling him into a hug filled with as much affection and love as she could possibly distil into such a simple gesture.
"I'm going to miss you,” she sobbed gently into his ear, “so much."
So much that it already hurt.
"Hey,” Graeme slipped his arms around her waist, holding her close, “we always knew this day would come. No regrets, remember?” they loosened their grip on one-another, Luna stepping back but not releasing him, surrendering just enough room so they could look one-another in the eye, Graeme stopping so that their foreheads were almost touching, “All I ever wanted was for you to be happy."
"I am happy."
That was why it hurt so much. She was so happy with him. She simply didn’t want it to end. Even though she knew it would; knew it must.
As if he’d reached into her very thoughts, Graeme placed a soft kiss atop her brow, "You will be again someday."
Luna deflated with a pervasive sigh, "I know."
She knew that it was true. But that didn’t mean she wanted it to be. She’d loved him for most of his life. He’d become a foundation, perhaps the very bedrock of her being; a part of her life so important that she didn’t want to imagine what her life may be like without him.
But she could imagine. And she knew that someday, though she wouldn’t – couldn’t – ever forget him, she would move on. Happiness would find her again, in one form or another. It was the way things always had been, and the way they always would be.
And that pained her all the more. The inevitability of such an optimistic outlook jarred with the part of her that felt it was being cheated, deprive, torn asunder by Graeme’s passing.
She wanted to love him forever – she would.
She wanted him to always be a part of her – he was.
But even an immortal cannot mourn forever, no matter how much they may want to.
Her rational and emotional sides warred within her. In time, they would reconcile. But she never wanted to forget why the battle had begun in the first place. Because of him; because of the bond they’d shared and nurtured together.
Because of love.
Graeme imparted the softest of kisses upon her tear-streaked cheek. Deep down he knew she would be alright. He knew how strong she was, and that in turn gave him the strength he needed.
"Graeme?" Luna looked up at him.
"Yes?" his gaze met deep cerulean eyes both wide and shimmering with emotion the true depths of which he could never even hope fully fathom.
"Would you mind if I name a star after you?"
It was a simple request. And yet, straightforward as it was, Graeme grasped the full magnitude of what she was asking. This glorious, beautiful, graceful creature whose very whim could command the most distant of stars into and out of existence sought his permission to alter the heavens. For him. Because of him.
Even now, on the verge of his departure, she wanted to rearrange the stars for him.
"I'd be honoured."
Luna pulled him into another close embrace, her head resting against Graeme’s chest. His arms found their way around her, forming a close, protective cocoon of sorts.
"And… If I pull you into my dreams from time to time, don't be upset that I am disturbing your rest…" She whispered into his chest, closing her eyes, forsaking the dreamscape around them and living for a moment or two only in the welcoming, familiar scent and sound of her beloved.
Graeme simply chuckled through an earnest smile, "If you let me live in the happy memories, I won't complain in the slightest."
They stood there for a while, comfortable silence surrounding them like a warm blanket It was only broken when Graeme let out a deep yawn and a sigh. Luna opened her eyes, looking up and regarding him closely. Tired, in what had been his own dreamscape. Luna recognised the foreboding signs and what they meant.
Graeme seemed for a moment to be looking all around, as if he couldn’t quite place something he’d been looking for. Eventually, he spoke, "Hey, Luna?"
"Yes?" her response came in hushed tones.
"Can we go to our tree? I can't seem to find it..."
Luna tried to overcome the sadness that welled up within her chest. Graeme’s mind was clearly fading; the tree should’ve been an easy thing for him to summon up. Now, he was forgetting how…. It only took Luna a moment to bring them to that tranquil spot.
For a moment, just as the tree popped into view, Luna felt the mental spark of recollection from Graeme, as if something had clicked and everything was once again as it had been. But, as quickly as it flared into life, it faded again, until all she could feel was a lingering, growing tiredness from him.
Graeme sat down heavily, his back to the tree trunk for support, and settled as comfortably as he could. He didn’t much mind the rough bark with its plethora of sharp edges and hard mantle. It was familiar and welcome, stirring so many fond recollections of that spot.
Importantly, it was something to hold on to.
"Feels nice to rest a bit." Graeme conceded, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths.
Luna watched him for a moment, committing as much as she could to memory. There was so much of that instance that she didn’t want to forget; to hold on to and keep locked away inside her memories for all the years yet to come.
Just Graeme, at peace with himself and the world.
A few moments later she joined him, sinking down to find her place amongst the grass beside him and leaning into his chest, her head just beneath his chin. Graeme’s arm sought out her shoulder, and she felt a soft kiss imparted gently atop her head.
"Luna?"
"Yes?"
"Can you... Be yourself when I go?"
Graeme still had his eyes closed when Luna looked up. It wasn’t a request she’d expected from him, and there was a brief moment when she almost felt her heart break; the tenderness of the request, and the simplicity of its nature... She gave him a loving kiss on the cheek
Only a fraction later the Princess of the Night, in true alicorn form, lay by his side. She could no longer embrace him the way she had, human arms and hands replaced by the natural form of her forelegs and hooves. It just wouldn’t feel right.. Instead, she settled to simply lay her head in his lap, resting as she had done countless times before, offering and receiving the comfort such a gesture offered.
"You always were beautiful." Graeme looked down on her through heavy-lidded eyes, his hand finding its way to the long, flowing fronds of her midnight sky mane, fingers dancing through the starscape projected within its vital length.
Luna felt tears begin to run down her cheeks again, but she didn’t openly sob or whimper. She simply let them fall to the ground, vanishing into the night and taking so many of her sorrows with them. She couldn’t keep it all bottled up, no matter how hard she tried.
Graeme saw the tears as the moonlight danced through them like a crystal prism. Placing his fingertips delicately upon the fur of her cheek he wiped away her sadness with his thumb, "Don't cry for me."
Luna sighed, resigned yet content. Simultaneously sad beyond all measure, yet happy above all else to be sharing those final moments, the dissonance between her emotions left her unsure as to which directions she was actually being pulled.
She resettled her head against him, Graeme’s fingers returning to the roots of her hair. That little gesture, which said so much without the need for words. Love; affection; tenderness; reassurance. He was happy. She was happy to be there.
Luna looked to the moon at its zenith in the starlit dreamscape sky. She’d made it full and glorious, a tribute and a fond farewell to the one who mattered most.
"No regrets, my princess." Graeme whispered, following her gaze before slowly closing his eyes once more, "No regrets, my love…"
The caress of his hand grew faint, until at last his fingers fell still.
Luna held in her tears, offering his hand one final nuzzle of affection before rising to her hooves. He looked so peaceful there against the tree, almost as if he were sleeping.
A final chaste kiss was placed upon his cheek. Luna faded slowly out of the dreamscape, never to see him again.
-o-O-o-
A new world shimmered into existence around Luna’s form. It wasn’t reality as such; just another dreamscape, but one entirely of her own making, where a familiar presence waited patiently for her.
It took her a moment to fully recover from her emotions and settle her mind, her intense mental discipline not entirely beyond the bounds of being shaken. Eyes closed, she focused completely upon the sound of her own breathing, making them deep and deliberate to take the edge off.
"So, this is the dream that's been leaving you ill at ease."
"Yes." Luna opened her eyes. Graeme – the real Graeme – stood there before her, appearing in his pony form, as he often did when he visited her dreams. The various depths of storm-cloud grey that made up his coat and mane as a pegasus were a comfort to her eyes. She’d invited him along to view the dream that had been plaguing her for the past few weeks. Though perhaps dream wasn’t quite the right word. Premonition seemed more fitting, since eventually, Graeme would pass from their life together, leaving her behind.
It was inevitable.
Graeme could see the mixture of complex feelings deep within her eyes as they played upon her soul, "Want to talk about it?"
Luna didn’t even have to think about it. That was precisely why she’d brought him here.
"I'm immortal. You're not. Some day, you will leave me." Her voice was soft and meek, not at all what he was used to from the Princess of the Night. It was endearing, in its way. It made her seem smaller, more fragile, somehow.
Graeme could only chuckle, "Silly mare." He saw the dumbfounded surprise as Luna’s eyes widened. That hadn’t been the reaction she’d been expecting from him, "I'll always be with you."
Confusion reigned, "You will?"
Graeme nodded, closing the few short steps of distance that had separated him from his princess, and gently nuzzled her cheek. It was a novel thing to do, being as outside of the dream world his pegasus form was the same size as an average pony, at least a head smaller than she was. In this world, though, he could afford himself the extra size to be on a level footing with her. It made many things much easier. And the larger wingspan meant he could embrace her properly when they stood side by side if he so wished.
"In here." He tapped her lightly on the head with his snout, "And in here." A wing rested gently over the peytral across her chest – across her heart.
"But..."
"Luna,” Graeme interrupted before she could get going, “there are no guarantees, in life or in death. I won't be here forever. I get a few fleeting decades at most, a century if I'm really lucky. But what really matters, whether I have one year or one hundred, is what we choose to do with that time. Together."
"That won't make it any easier." Luna confessed, looking at him with sadness clear in her eyes.
"I know. But if we do our best and fill our years with life, there'll be something of me for you to enjoy until the sun burns cold and the stars fade to darkness.” He lay a wing caringly across her back, holding her close so they were touching, flank to flank, “You'll always carry something of me with you, and I hope that it drives you to be happy. Not just with me, but beyond, when I am gone."
So many questions formed in Luna’s mind, but they were choked by the growing lump in her throat before they even had a chance to manifest..
Graeme pulled Luna tightly against him into what equated to a hug, his eyes smiling and not leaving hers for even a moment, "Would you do me the honour of sharing my life with me?"
Luna simply nodded, looking down.
"No regrets, my princess." Graeme lifted her chin with his other wing.
Luna looked into his very soul and simply nodded, "No regrets, my love."
There would be no regrets, as long as she lived.
-o-O-o-.
Author's Note
I know a lot of people tend to skip the notes, so I'll try to keep this brief.
This story is dedicated to my grandfather, who recently passed away. This is my way of trying to express my feelings of love (albeit a different kind of love), loss, coping and living with the knowledge and inevitability of the mortality of those who matter most to us.
I hope some of that emotion came through in the story. But I must admit, it felt somewhat clinical to me.
Feedback is appreciated. I'm not above revising and improving this piece. It matters to me.
Thanks for reading,
Midnight Mist
