Twilight Sparkle on Speed

by Fox-trott

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1530

Twilight Sparkle discovers speed... well this can't be good.

This was originally going to be a full story. But I decided to leave it as a one shot.

Twilight Sparkle has been known to have crazy outbursts whenever things do not go her way, but when she tries something new that she had discovered a few days before, it all goes south for Twilight Sparkle. But can one lavender Unicorn really cause as much havoc as she has in the past?

Part I of the 'Brainless Stories' by Cyclone Flashie

There is no real effort put into this!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-15 14:57:00 UTC

Have You Had Your Daily Dose of Speed?

It was a seemingly peaceful morning in Ponyville, the sun beamed into the library where a lavender Unicorn slept under her bed sheets, clutching them close as she quietly snored to herself. By her bedside, a purple and screen scale ball otherwise known as her baby dragon, Spike slept in his bed before yawning and then stretching. Licking his own bony and scaly lips with a small smile, he climbed out of his own bed before looking up at the sleeping Unicorn.

The eyes of the Unicorn slowly opened, as they revealed her purple sparkling eyes. She climbed out of bed, somewhat eager about the day. Spike looked confused and tilted his head, as he had never seen her so happy in his life, but soon smiled back nonetheless.

“You see happy today,” he commented, raising his claw slightly. “Is there a reason?” Twilight nodded rapidly to answer his question. She giggled lightly and then bounced around for no reason.

“Today is the day I test out that bizarre object I found.” Twilight stopped, landing dead on her hooves with a thud. Spike tapped his chin, wondering what she meant before asking her yet another question.

“Excuse me, what object?” He said, sounding even more confused. Twilight frowned in disappointment but then soon remembered that she never told him. But she began thinking if it was the best time to tell him, she gazed up at the ceiling before shaking her head.

But as he said that, the young dragon soon belched allowing a scroll float out and land onto the floor. Twilight poked it with her hoof, wondering why the Princess sent her a letter today. It was a Sunday, Sunday’s are off days. Either way, Spike grabbed the scroll before revealing what it said upon the sheet of rugged, broken and old paper. Twilight, being the curious Unicorn she was, soon glanced around to read it with him.

Dear Twilight Sparkle.

I know I am meant to send you letters every Saturday, but I was too drunk and too high on LSD made out of Penguin juice to do so. Luna and I got so wasted and so high, it was unbelievable. I mean we were seeing colors, doesn’t that sound awesome!? But anyway, that is the main reason to why we didn’t send you a letter, so I am sorry.

The reason to why you have received this letter on this sunny Sunday morning is because we warn you not to do anything with the small object you have found. You have had it a week and we have had time to analyse exactly what its effects are, so we beg you not to take it. Don’t swallow, don’t snort, don’t shove it in your ass or ear, just don’t do anything with it!

Lots of love

Princess Celestia.

P.S: That is Queen Celestia to you Miss Sparkle!

Of course, by this point, Twilight has already left the scene. Spike looked around the room before sighing to himself and leaving the letter on the floor before walking down the wooden stairs that led onto the ground floor. Spike just hoped that Twilight wouldn’t disobey the Princess, I mean after all, she is her student and if she was to do anything that went against her, he knew that she would punish Twilight severely.

After grabbing a few cooking supplies, something in Spike’s mind didn’t seem right. As in the oh shit’s about to get real feeling. Like he knew something would happen to Twilight. Not anything bad, he didn’t worry...at least for now anyways.

“GOOOOOOOOD MORNIN’ PONYVILLE!”

Spike suddenly fell back, landing on his small dragon butt in shock. He quickly looked around in alarm, wondering what that was before he saw at the top of the stairs a very crazy looking Twilight Sparkle. Her mane was completely messed up as her pupils were now reduced in size, making her eyes look like two pale white sections on her face. Her crazy face staring down at Spike dauntingly.

“T-Twilight?!” He gasped in surprise, standing to his feet in shock, “what’s happening!?” She blinked, tilting her head as she stared down at her companion with pure insanity. But he tried to remain calm, but couldn’t due to the incredibly insane Twilight Sparkle at the top of the stairs.

“I found this amazing thing that makes me feel alive!” She squealed as she clapped her hooves, “I’m going to call it speed and I’m sure others will love to try it too!” She reared back, neighing in delight before landing back onto her hooves and cocking her head side to side like an owl.

Spike however remained silent, before slowly pushing a claw out to her with tears growing in his eyes. He never thought Twilight would become this crazy again, and the worst thing was that she was worse than last time.

“No, you cannot have my speed; it’s the new crack for Celestia’s sake!”

Spike winced, before pulling back. “I-I’m sorry?” Spike seemed to be confused. She let out a crazy sounding giggle, as her eyes focused on the purple dragon at the bottom of the stairs, but the urge to jump was starting to build up within her.

“You can’t have it, it’s all mine!” She screamed at the top of her voice, “I’ll sell it in a dark alleyway to children pretending it's candy, they’ll never know!” At that moment, Twilight leaped from the stairs, “I’m on top of the world!” She soon landed, tumbling down laughing to herself, Spike however just watched. He wasn’t horrified or anything, in fact he was quite used to her being like this.

She yet again cocked her head, looking up at the dragon in an insane fashion before standing. Her neck looked dislocated like a hand that had been trapped in-between a door, but she was fine nonetheless. Soon racing towards the door, Spike gasped and chased her quickly, hoping to stop her.

“Twi, wait!” She didn’t listen to him of course, but she did manage to get outside at least. Leaping around like a happy Unicorn in Wonderland, the ponies stopped and stared at her as she leaped from stone to stone that had stuck into the ground.

This young lavender Unicorn was reliving her craziest memories, like the time she had forgotten to send a letter to Princess Celestia and went all nutter butters. Except, this was much worse...like imagine it amplified.

As Twilight leaped through the streets of Ponyville on the bright and sunny Sunday morning, they stared at her completely confused of what was happening. She stopped in her tracks before her head glanced slowly back at the ponies staring at her. They looked completely confused and even some began whispering among themselves.

“You want to buy my speed?!”

“U-uh…”

“Well you can’t have it, only Unicorns like myself who can fly, can have it!” She bit her tongue as her eyes slowly parted from each other, looking in the opposite directions. They stared at her, clueless of her actions.

“Wouldn’t that make you an Alicorn?” A buck’s voice called from the small crowd that Twilight had attracted, “I can’t see your wings.”

“No, because I’m a special Unicorn!” She chomped down, standing horrifically. Her legs were all bent as she squatted down as if she was preparing to launch her ass to Jupiter and back. “Special Unicorns don’t need wings!”

“Whelp, we know she’s high at least!” Another voice cried from the crowd, this time a mare’s. She wasn’t visible, but the others stared at her before nodding in agreement as they spoke among themselves.

“I haven’t even left the ground yet, so how can I be?!” She silenced them, but then fell over as she attempted to jump. Falling on her back, she giggled to herself as the others slowly walked up to her and stared over her body.

A purple baby dragon soon made his way through the crowd as he had a quill and scroll in his claws. Stopping by her, the other ponies stared at her and some eyes were fixed on the dragon. With a sigh, he placed the quill on the scroll.

“Should I send the letter?” He asked looking disappointed and saddened.

“Yes and say how awesome I am.”

Dear Princess Celestia

If you haven’t noticed, Twilight had taken some sort of drug that made her go cray-cray. But hopefully within a few hours, it is all fixed. But I do have to point out that both you and Twilight have a serious problem, get it fixed or I’ll take your drugs and throw them all away.

I promise you that. Also Twilight is forcing me to tell you how awesome she is, or she’ll kick mine and your ass quicker than you could say ‘two humans stroking ponies’. Apparently.

So Twilight is awesome and better than both you and Luna and combined, for she is the greatest pony who has ever lived and could do definitely do better than both you and Luna at ruling Equestria.

Please. Don’t change her into an Alicorn for this…

~Spike