It was another one of Pinkie’s parties. In other words, it was another day. The sun over Equestria shone, the Pegasi had cleared the sky revealing a brilliant blue, with not a cloud to be seen, and Twilight was worried.
“I still don’t understand why we’re having the party here! A library is no place for a party!”
Spike rolled his eyes. “You said that last time we had a party here. This library is a great place for a party!” He smirked. “It’s not like it could get any messier, after all.”
Twilight gazed around guiltily. The place was a complete mess, with books scattered liberally across the floor. “Fine, but it still seems inappropriate. And the last time we had a party here, Equestria was taken over by Nightmare Moon and plunged into eternal night! But anyway, isn’t it time you were off? Snips and Snails will be wondering where you are!”
“But…I was hoping I could stay until the other ponies arrived!”
Twilight laughed gently. “You mean Rarity?”
“Well…yeah. All right, all right, I’ll go. You’ll probably just be doing girly stuff anyway, eugh!”
Spike departed, and Twilight made a rudimentary effort to tidy up, which mostly involved magicing books back into the shelves randomly. I can sort them out later, she thought.
It had been Pinkie’s idea to have the party at the library. She had claimed that the library was sad at how serious everypony was when inside it, and that a party would cheer it up.
“Are you…saying that my library is…depressed?” Twilight had said.
“Uh, obviously! Just think, Sugarcube Corner has parties all the time, and is happy as can be, but that dour old library never gets any of the fun!”
“Pinkie, buildings don’t have feelings…”
“Of course they do, silly!” Pinkie replied, happily, “Everything has feelings. The rocks, the trees, and soil that is tilled by the plough, they are all alive and they all love a party!”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You’re insane.”
So the library was getting a party, ostensibly to cheer it up, but more to appease Pinkie Pie and her strange ideas about the world. Twilight had approached it as if it was a sleepover, as she had searched high and low for a book about planning and hosting parties, but no such volume existed. It didn’t occur to her to simply ask Pinkie Pie. She remembered back to the previous sleepover she had hosted, and made a mental note: avoid having trees crash in through the window. They spoil the atmosphere.
One by one the ponies arrived. First came Rarity, followed by Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.
“So…are you all having fun?”
Twilight grinned awkwardly at the other four ponies, all of whom were standing around in silence.
“It’s a…delightful soiree,” Rarity opined, somewhat disingenuously.
“Oh, yes, it’s wonderful,” said Fluttershy, less than enthusiastically.
“Is there, uh, anything to eat?” asked Applejack, avoiding the question.
“Twilight, why the hay isn’t there any music or games or, well, anything?” said Rainbow Dash, looking disgruntled.
“Well, uh—“
Then the door burst open, and in came Pinkie, carrying an improbable amount of stuff on her back including a record player, many cakes and other sweet treats and an array of games. “Hey guys, I’m here! Sorry I’m late Twilight!”
The ponies all breathed a sigh of relief.
Fifteen minutes later and the party was in full swing. Fun was being had by all. Pinkie was lost in the rhythm, careening around the room when suddenly she stopped, and looked down at her tail anxiously.
“Twitchy-twitch-a-twitch!”
Twilight had been keeping a close eye on her, making sure she didn’t break anything, and was closest to her. She glanced up at the ceiling. “Twitchy tail? Well I sure hope nothing’s going to fall on us in here!”
“No, not just twitchy tail. Itchy back, itchy tongue, twitchy tail.” A look of genuine horror crossed her face. “Oh no!”
“So what does that mean?”
Pinkie attempted a smile, and shrugged dismissively. “Nothing, just forget about it. It’s nothing.”
Twilight felt a growing sense of unease. Pinkie was trying to act, and she wasn’t very good at it. “Come on Pinkie; tell me, what does that combination mean?”
By now their conversation had caught the attention of the other four, and all eyes were on Pinkie.
“What does it mean, sugar cube?” asked Applejack.
“What’s the matter, darling?” said Rarity.
“Yeah, come on, just tell us already!” said Rainbow Dash.
“I think we’d all quite like to know…if that’s alright with you,” murmured Fluttershy.
Pinkie gulped. “I’ve had it once before. It means that, within the next few hours, somepony in this room is going to…to…"
The ponies leant forward, hanging on her every word.
“Somepony is going to die.”
Rarity fainted.
The ponies sat in silence, the music having been switched off some time before.
“Well we can’t all just sit here forever,” Rainbow Dash said eventually.
“What do you propose we do?” said Rarity.
“We should just carry on like normal,” Applejack said. “We all know the power of the Pinkie Sense, so there’s no point trying to fight it.”
“I’m not gonna let some sense kill one of my friends!” Rainbow Dash replied, defiance rising in her voice.
“I’m scared,” said Fluttershy, almost inaudibly.
“I’m annoyed,” said Pinkie. “Stupid sense ruined a perfectly good party!”
“There ain’t nothing we can do,” said Applejack with a sigh.
The five ponies looked at each other, and then at the floor. Meanwhile Twilight was scanning through her books, occasionally muttering and shaking her head.
“I know the Pinkie Sense works,” she was saying to herself, “I’ve seen it work. But why does it work? Is there some kind of magic at work there? There must be some way of finding out the answers here, somewhere…”
Then, suddenly, an idea popped into Rarity’s head. “We should draw lots. To see who it is, I mean. To see who dies.”
The ponies stared at her.
“I’m…not sure I like the sound of that,” said Applejack.
“If one of us is going to die, then let’s just get it over with. I just can’t bear this tension!” replied Rarity, her voice cracking slightly through stress.
“It’s not really the kind of party game I had in mind…” said Pinkie, with some apprehension in her voice.
Rainbow Dash frowned deeply. “So let me get this straight. You’re suggesting we draw lots, and whoever gets the short straw…we kill them? We just…kill them?”
“But that would be…m-murder!” squeaked Fluttershy.
“I know, it’s wrong, so wrong,” said Rarity despairingly. “But if we do this, we can ensure that the death is as quick and painless as possible. If we wait for it to happen naturally, who knows what kind of hideous, painful, gruesome fate could be awaiting one of us?”
“She has a point,” chipped in Pinkie.
Twilight’s eyes alighted on a volume called, “The Ancient Lore of the Elder Equestrian Gods,” and used her magic to take it out of the bookcase and begin flipping through its pages.
“I would hate for anypony to have to suffer needlessly,” said Fluttershy.
“I...I guess so,” said Applejack.
“I think we should put it to a vote,” Rainbow Dash said. “All those who think we should draw lots, raise your hoof.”
Up went the hooves of Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack and Fluttershy. Twilight was too engrossed in her book to notice the vote, but it didn’t matter. It was a majority, with or without her vote. They would draw lots, and whoever got the short straw would be killed.
“So how are we going to do this?” asked Applejack.
Pinkie nodded towards the table. “Marshmallows and a top hat.” On the table was a pile of marshmallows, half of them pink and half white. “I will put five white marshmallows and one pink into the hat, and we will all pick one out one with our mouths after the other. Whoever gets the pink marshmallow will be the one who dies. And to make sure there’s no cheating, when you pick out the marshmallow, you will be blindfolded. It will be like pin the tail on the piñata, only involving a hat and the loser gets killed by their friends!”
Twilight had come across a section in “The Ancient Lore of the Elder Equestrian Gods” about an ancient earth pony goddess called Hippolyta, who supposedly granted the gift of prophecy to a chosen pony once every generation, a sign that that particular pony had a great destiny ahead of them. She read the description, and it sounded uncannily like the Pinkie Sense…
Rainbow Dash went first. She dipped her muzzle into the hat while the other ponies (minus Twilight) watched with trepidation, half hoping that the pink marshmallow would be revealed. She gently took one of the soft sweets in her mouth, and showed it.
“Well?? Well??”
“It’s white,” said Applejack. “You’re safe.”
Rainbow Dash removed the blindfold and dropped the marshmallow, confirming what Applejack had said.
Why would she choose Pinkie Pie, of all earth ponies? Twilight thought.
Rarity went next, and also picked out a white marshmallow. Then Pinkie and Applejack, each also taking out a white one. That meant there were just two ponies left. Fluttershy or Twilight.
“It’s your turn, Fluttershy,” said Pinkie.
The yellow Pegasus was visibly trembling. She could barely move one leg in front of the other, her muscles so tense with anxiety and fear that they had completely locked up. Either she would die, or she would be condemning Twilight. She looked desperately from pony to pony, but their sympathetic faces offered little relief. Eventually she shook her head.
“I…can’t do it. I just can’t!”
She whimpered and curled up into a ball. The ponies stared at one another, and then a smile crossed Pinkie’s face.
“Wait a minute, I have an idea!”
She sauntered over to the terrified Pegasus, and whispered something in her ear. The others craned their necks forward, trying to hear what she was saying, but they couldn’t make out any of the words.
“Are you sure?” said Fluttershy, looking up at the pink pony with big eyes.
“Absolutely sure!” replied Pinkie, in a cheerful, sing-song voice.
Fluttershy’s face hardened with resolve. “Well, okay then. I’ll do it.”
Fluttershy approached the top hat, and took a breath. She looked to Pinkie, who nodded reassuringly.
Twilight, meanwhile, was excitedly writing a letter to Princess Celestia, barely even aware of the drawing of lots that could have been about to condemn her to death.
Fluttershy lowered her muzzle towards the hat, and as she did, there was a cry of,
“Twitchy-twitch-a-twitch! Twitchy nose, twitchy ear, itchy hoof!”
Fluttershy raised her mouth, and the pink marshmallow came tumbling out.
“Another one? What does this one mean?” asked Applejack, with a look of fresh horror.
Pinkie shrugged. “Oh, it just means that the previous twitch was a false alarm, and can be disregarded!”
“A false alarm?? Are you serious?” said Rainbow Dash, in disbelief.
“Yep!”
“You mean we just went through that whole charade for no reason whatsoever?” Applejack said, looking unimpressed.
Pinkie laughed. “That’s the Pinkie Sense for you! But look on the bright side, it means that none of us are going to die. I think that calls for a party!”
“This is already a party,” Applejack said, drily. “With some of the weirdest party games I’ve ever played.”
Rarity shook her mane. “Well, it’s good that the Sense came along when it did, otherwise we would have killed Fluttershy for no good reason at all! What did you say to Fluttershy, by the way?”
“Yeah, what did you tell her?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, I just told her that we are all characters in a fictional children’s TV show, and that our lives would never really be in danger.”
The other ponies stared at her in confusion.
“What’s a…TV?”
“What are…children?”
Pinkie grinned, and winked at you. “Come on, let’s party!”
That night, Pinkie Pie lay soundly asleep in her bed in Sugarcube Corner. She was having a very disturbing dream about Big Macintosh and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. In her room, a couple of ponies moved through the shadows, as quietly as they could. One of the stepped forward and, holding the vial in their mouth, very carefully poured an extra-strong sleeping draught into Pinkie’s open mouth.
Several hours later she awoke, but she was not where she had fallen asleep. She was on a hard floor, in a room with white walls and a bright light coming from the ceiling. She blinked groggily, and noticed there was a female unicorn in a white coat staring at her.
“Wh…what’s going on?” Pinkie asked.
“So you’re finally awake. Well well well, what an interesting specimen you are.”
Pinkie tried to get to her feet, but her muscles were sore, and she fell flat on her face.
“It seems, Pinkie Pie, that you are quite special indeed.”
“What do you mean special?”
The white coated pony chuckled. “It seems you are the prophet of an ancient enemy of Princess Celestia, the goddess Hippolyta, destined to reawaken the ancient magic of the earth ponies and restore them as the superiors of the unicorns and the pegasi. You can thank your friend Twilight Sparkle for bringing you to our attention. She’s such a faithful student of Celestia, so thorough and diligent.” She grinned. “And trusting.”
“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Let me go!”
The unicorn shook her head. “Just as well we caught you now, then. You have, apparently, exhibited powers that should not be available to a mere earth pony; the ability to keep up with Rainbow Dash, one of the fastest fliers in Equestria in defiance of all the laws of nature, your Pinkie Sense, giving you the ability to predict the future, and of course your understanding of your true nature as a cartoon character…. The Princess has been asking Twilight to monitor you for some time, and decided to bring you in once she realised how much of a threat you truly are. Not just to her power, but to the very fabric of reality as we know it. As such, we have devised a special room to keep you secure, that you won’t ever be able to escape from.”
“No, my friends will come and rescue me! Twilight will get them all together, and they will track me down and release me, just you wait and see!”
The unicorn looked at Pinkie with a mixture of amusement and condescending pity. “Oh Pinkie, I’m sorry but you’re so wrong. You are not in a TV show, but rather a fan fiction, and one that’s about to come to an end. You have no contractual immortality here. There will be no rescue. You’re here to stay.”
Pinkie concentrated, and looked towards the audience. The unicorn was right. They were not watching her antics on a TV, but rather reading about them on a computer screen. She sighed with resignation.
“I’m here to stay?”
“Yes. Forever.”
