A distinct lack of pants

NOT VINCE: TAKES PLACE AS HATTY

"Dude....pass that shit..."

I passed her the bong, "Just don't- *cough* oh fuck..."

She finished her toke, "Hat....how do you...what?"

"What?"

"....I don't know..."

"...Treble..."

"What?"

I leaned in closer to her, "Treble."

"Dude?"

"Treble!"

"Dude!?" She started to look rather afraid.

"Butts..."

"Butts?"

"Butts."

"...awesome..." She leaned back and took another toke, "-just- awesome..."

I started laughing while she passed it back to me, "So...you...you know....people...I know people...who has best butt?"

"Uhhhh...best....best butt...uh....um....Luna...."

"Oooohhhhh....I forgot about her...she does have a nice butt..."

"Yeah...moon butt...."

"Pfff....moon butt...Treble....we should find her..."

"And feel her butt?"

"....n-no...." I took another toke, "...-urk- actually...yes...oh fuck...I'm done..." I set the bong aside, "Shit...Treble we should get more butts..."

"Hat...can....can I wear you..."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"...Octavia has a nice butt..." I said leaning back in my chair, "Like..." I latched onto the air and squeezed, "Like...uh...a uh...squeeze..."

She sloppily got up and bent over in front of me, her jeans hugging her ass like latex, "Go ahead...do it..."

"Jesus..." I had a short internal argument before pushing her away, "That would be like...like...incenst..."

"...I think....wait...huh?"

"You know incenst...like...wait...I think I said that wrong...anyways you're like...I made you...that...no..."

"Oh come on...look at it..." She waggled it in front of my face again. "Do it...do it...do it..."

"No! God...that butt...that butt....huh...I don't want that butt...."

"Look at it!" She leaned back, bopping my nose. I retaliated by shoving her face first into her chair.

"Shut up...I know it's squishy! I fucking made it! Killing buzz...." She slowly got up and sat next to me, "Man...all I wanted to do was talk about butts and you're ruining it!"

She got up and leaned over again, "Then who's butt..."

"...Rose has a nice butt...firm...heart shaped...butt..." I could see Treble slowly shifting towards me, her cheeks lined up with the side of my head, "Cheerilee does...like play dough...sitting on a chair all day...makes...stop that!" She had been slowly encroaching on me the entire time, "Sit down!" She turned around, looking at me rather annoyed before sitting on my lap, "-hey- Not what I meant!"

"No...also..." She bounced on my lap, "What the..." She looked down and kept bouncing, "I...but..."

"Yeah...it's not gonna happen...."

"But...my butt...hat dude..."

"Treble...Vinyl's butt..."

"...yeah...she has a nice butt too....kinda small...but soft..."

"She's like...five-four...you want her to have...fat ass?"

"..." She was staring out into space.

"Treble....Treble..."

I snapped my fingers in front of her, "Huh? Sorry...Vinyl with fat butt...got...thinking..."

"Classy...Rarity ha-"

"EuGH!"

"...you don't li-"

"Eugh!....why we only talk about mare butt? Vince has okay butt..."

"Because...I don't want to talk about man ass..."

"....kay...."

The door swung open slowly, the room flooding with light, "I thought I smelled- Whoa....so...what's going on?" My eyes were burning until she shut the door, Vinyl has now entered the fray. She took the bong and relit it, "So- why's she on your lap-?"

"Don't ask...anyways...we were talking about butts..."

"My butt?"

"Yeah..." Treble managed to get that one word out before snickering.

"Good things right?"

"Yes....Now Vinyl...who has best butt?"

"....like...biggest? Softest? What kind of best?"

"Uh...Treble stop..." She was still snickering so I lifted her off and plopped her down on the floor. "Make a list..."

"Biggest...uh...Pinkie, Softest....Pinkie, Firmest...me? Best hips....Luna, Best overall...still Luna..."

I just sat there for a second, "Pinkie?"

"Have you seen her ass? It's really big dude..."

"Man...I should get back to the story...." I stood up, stepping over Treble and to Vinyl, "Remember...when...uh...you...and her,"- I pointed to Treble -"and Vince...are...on Rose...complete the circuit..."

"I don't- oh! Ohhhh~ Totally...."

I pointed at her, then to the forth wall, "It's coming people....Cheerilee....then...Rainbow-"

"Then snow...." Treble added from the floor.

"....she means actual snow...bloody cold in here...but...once they're done..." I grabbed Vinyls shoulder, "This one...and that one, and Vince....gonna wreck Rose and Octavia....Now...I'm gonna go...try to ride this out...later."

"Later man," Vinyl said, picking up the bong.

I popped back inside the room for a second, "Carrot Top...."

The two looked over to me, "Carrot Top?"

"Massive hips, soft ass, but still firm...Carrot Top has best ass..." I hurried out of the room. I needed to get back to the story anyways...