Twilight Sparkle: HEROINE OF THE IMPERIUM

by SolvableSphinx

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Trixie, Comedy
Length: 1513

Commissar Twilight Sparkle simply wanted a quiet, book filled posting. If she only knew...

Commissar Twilight Sparkle has a problem. She is expected to be a brave, fearless leader who can coerce a regiment of common ponies to perform great feats of courage and skill through a combination of inspiration and fear, often times against genetically engineered super-soldiers, warped cultists, demons from hell, soulless murder machines, an inscrutable precursor race, their fallen brethren and the naive upstarts known as the Human Empire. Unfortunately, she considers herself a cowardly, self-serving mare with too much knowledge and not enough guts to use it. In short, she's the sort of pony she's supposed to shoot.

Yet her actions, through minor acts of heroism, critical thinking and sheer dumb luck have landed her quite the reputation as a heroine. The parties and liquor are nice, as is the companionship. But the generals simply pin on another metal, tell her that she's done a good job, give her a pay raise and find new, more creative ways to try and kill her.

She has to survive a hostile universe and execute her duties, without earning the ire of her superiors or dying in a 'unfortunate friendly fire incident'. All while trying to find a way to retire with honor, or at least find a nice and quiet posting with a good book, a good looking colt and a steady supply of tea and cider.

[Taken from the 'Sparkle Archives', and edited by Inquisitor Trixie of the Ordo Xeno. Unauthorized distribution punishable by enhanced interrogation techniques, torture, drawing and quartering, and execution.]

[MLP copyrighted to Hasbro. Warhammer 40k copyrighted to Games Workshop. Caiaphas Cain copyrighted to the Black Library and originally created by Sandy Mitchell. This is a derivative work, created for entertainment by Solvable Sphinx, aka fijkus. Unauthorized distribution is frowned upon.]

Published 2012-03-07 22:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-07 22:14:01 UTC

Introduction

[Author's note: The trick to learning how to become a good writer is to keep on writing, even when you're having writer's block. Among other projects, I've begun the slow process of assembling and painting an IG army. The story itself was inspired by the picture attached, and so far it has received a positive reception on Space Battles.

That said, please don't be a creepy fanboy. I realize I'm playing with fire since both fandoms can be rather... energetic. Yes, I think it's awesome too. If I didn't think it was awesome, I wouldn't write it. But I'm trying to keep original flavor intact while not having a 'Copy X but with ponies' sort of fic. Which means that's it's going to be over the top, fairly dark parody/comedy/war story. And it's not going to end up on EqD since they already have too many 40k/MLP:FiM crossover submissions. (Which itself is somewhat worrying.) So let's be mature about this. Please?

For now it'll have a T rating. I'm hoping to preserve that, but I might be forced to change it down the line.]

Editor’s note:

While searching through the archives on business related to the Ordo Xeno, I managed to discover a document written by Commissar Twilight Sparkle. How it ended up there, I do not know. Why it was there, sealed, I could easily guess.

Twilight Sparkle is a renowned war heroine, obviously held in great esteem. Sparkle’s admittedly unorthodox method of raising moral in the units that she was attached with, though a combination of friendship, teaching and leading by example, has been a boon to propaganda and has spread her legend across the Imperium. Her school of leadership, though small, is growing and so far has been to the benefit of the Imperial Guard.

But this is not the whole story. Twilight Sparkle wrote a firsthand account of her travels and the battles that she participated in. It does not leave a good impression. Though it all, she depicts herself as a coward and a fool who has managed to stumble into her fame through sheer dumb luck. Although we can all appreciate fear, and the subtlety it offers to her character, it must never be known. The average pony is easily swayed, and if any evidence is given to lend weight to the accusations of cowardice it could ruin the image and work built up around her.

I have taken it upon myself to edit these memoirs, and distribute them within the Inquisition. It serves as a wonderful character study to one of the most memorable figures in recent history. Likely her comments to her lack of bravery or altruism is due to her self-effacing nature and numerous neurosis, or perhaps some sort of psychological damage sustained while fighting the numerous enemies of the Empress. Yet she was always sure to project the image of a proper Comissar, and would often times lead the spearhead to solve a particularly dangerous situation. If these character flaws did exist, and are as severe as she states, then it shows another aspect of her character. For she was able to overcome her flaws to become one of the greatest figures in modern history.

If nothing else, those sweet followers of her cult would be crestfallen. Of course, she must never find out that she’s regarded as a prophet on several worlds. The embarrassment alone might kill her.

These memoirs are also among the most disorganized works I have ever edited. It is unusual, because she’s the sort of pony to be obsessed with lists and orders. It’s unusually self-centered and often without greater context, for which I have had to insert footnotes and second hand accounts in order to provide. I found it all on one dataslate, with no apparent regularity in writing. There was no order or system of organization, despite the efforts of several tech-priests and myself to discern it. I believe she wrote these as catharsis, to ease her trouble mind. Empress knows she’s seen enough horrors to justify it.

I must also note that there is confusion between the past and present tense when referring to Sparkle. She has often time received rejuvenation treatments, so she appears younger than her centuries of experience. But she also has a tendency of being the ‘wrong mare at the wrong place at the right time’. She has been presumed dead, and buried in a state funeral with full military honors, only to show up miraculously enough to receive a paystub and several metals for gallantry enough times that it as affected official policy. Even if we ever find the body of herself or her assistant Spike, she is to be presumed to be alive and accumulating back pay in a hazard zone.

And on that note, I shall leave the rest for your study.

Your faithful servant and editor,

The Great and Powerful Inquisitor Trixie

Ordo Xeno

Prologue

When you look at what a commissar is supposed to do, what all the propaganda surrounding myself says that I do, then you start to see a certain image emerge. A commissar is supposed to be brave, loyal, especially skilled soldier. He or she is expected to lead without fear, and execute the Empress’s justice without discrimination.

I’m none of those things. [1]

My good friend Applejack [2] believed that I was lying when I confided in her that I’m a cowardly, self-serving mare. I’m afraid my act has gone on too well. If I am anything, it is only that I’m a smart mare[3]. I noticed the tendency for those commissars who used their discretionary powers often to die in friendly fire incidents, and how unfortunately common those incidents are.

So, I decided to take a different approach. I would be every pony’s friend, to a reasonable extent. If I am going to execute somepony, it would be a damn good reason. I would make sure that they would want to fight for me, to take a shot intended for me or at least not shoot me in the back. I would stay away from the action, but if I need to, charge into danger to get it over with and hopefully as many bodies between me and whatever that danger might be as possible. The parties, good food, liquor and company, though sometimes awkward, were a nice bonus.

I’m a horrible mare. I don’t think I’ve hammered this in well enough. [4] The worst part was all the religious things I would say to calm ponies down. I do believe in the Empress, as every pony should. But she’s far too busy with bigger things that affect the Imperium to worry about the petty concerns of a single hypocritical pony.

I need to get the truth out. Not the truth as the Imperium would like for everypony to believe, or that cheesy drama-vid [5] that I sometimes see. Some sort of memoir. I should probably make a list, but that would be evidence. Hopefully I can get all of this out before I embarrass myself, and have it found only many years after I’ve died, having a peaceful retirement in an out of the way world away from any dangers. Maybe with a library. [6] I’d like that.

I have to go now. Hopefully that damn fool Inquisitor Trixie doesn’t kill me in another one of her harebrained schemes.[7]

[1] She lies, of course. Commissar Sparkle, especially to those of us who knew her in life, was notoriously self effacing.
[2] Captain General Applejack is considered one of the success stories of Commissar Sparkle’s unorthodox method of moral boosting and mentorship, often times participating alongside Sparkle personally in nearly every major action.
[3] And an unusually good leader, duelist, marksmare, demolition-pony, problem solver, textbook writer and friend.
[4] I’ve seen many refrences to this so called cowardice. Though this personal testimony may be used against the Imperium, I would like to point out the greater context. She has personally lead many actions against the enemies of ponykind, at great risk to herself. Those of us who counted her as a friend have always known how neurotic she is, but never the exact extent that she sold herself short. Even if she was as fearful and self serving as she said, the fact she has overcome those flaws shows what an exceptional servant of the Empress she truly was.
[5] The drama-vid in question, "The Neigh Team", was a highly successful if ridiculous local production. My savant Snails tells me that 543 episodes, 13 movies, 4 plays, 2 musicals and an opera were made in total over the course of 30 years, as well as 235,468 major factual errors. It was quite a boon for the propaganda department.
[6] Her library, and the schola it was a part of, was destroyed by the Ruinous Forces in 3437524 M40. The campaign she lead behind the lines while she was presumed dead has become infamous.
[7] The scheme turned out perfectly well, thank you very much. Be glad I like you.