My Little Noir

by Colt in the Moon

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Spike, Bon-Bon, Adventure
Length: 9470

A murder mystery with your favorite ponies like you've never seen them before.

(Note: Has nothing to do with L.A. Noir)
My name is Tracer Bullet, I'm a private eye. There's been a murder, a one Minty Fresh. Usually this would just be another case to solve, only the suspects are some of the most notorious criminals in town. Here are the suspects: Dawn, a quiet librarian who is mysteriously connected to the murder. Moonstone, a seductive singer with a dark history, and an even darker present. Addams Apple, a hit-pony who enjoys breaking hooves on late payments. Tootie Fruity, a soldier who went crazy when a bomb blew up in her face. Bunnie and Clyde, the biggest crimeboss in the city with her right-hand bunnie. And Fyre, a slimy little criminal who thinks big of himself. Well, you know the suspects, all you need to do now, is find out whodunnit.
(Rated teen for mild swearing and violence)
Edited by Mixer

Published 2013-11-13 22:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-21 10:57:13 UTC

The Suspects

The Suspects

If you’re reading this story, I strongly advise against it. Unless you’re one of those sickos who enjoys a tale of murder, crime, and mystery, you should steer clear. For the rest of you, let’s get this over with. My name is Tracer Bullet, and I’m a private eye. Recently I solved a murder case. Normally I wouldn’t bore you with that kind of story, but I’ve got time to kill and half a bottle of Applejack Daniels to finish, so we might as well get started.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

It was another dreary day for me, but to make it worse, it was a slow day. I hate slow days. There’s nothing worse than getting out of bed only to sit in an office room all day. I wished I remembered to bring my ball again. I usually bring a ball to bounce off the wall when I’m bored.

But I guess it isn’t all bad, I mean, I do have some entertainment: a bottle of whiskey and a gun. So as you can see, I’m never bored.

Still, sometimes I wish I did more than get drunk and shoot stuff, like read something, or take a walk. Actually, nah getting drunk is better. Only eggheads read.

Just before quitting time though, it happened. My boss Fire Trail had just walked through my door.

“Thanks for knocking”, I say without looking up.

“Listen Bullet,” she says in her usual no-nonsense voice, “I’ve noticed that you’re sittin’ around here on your lazy flank, so I got a job for you.”

I raised my eyebrow, “Oh yeah, whaddya got for me?”

“It’s pretty simple, a murder,” And with that, she slammed a file on my desk. I was surprised to see that the file was medium thick. Usually with murder, the victim’s file is paper thin, and sometimes it will literally have just one paper in it. But this one seemed juicy. The answer came when I opened the file and saw the name.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Minty Fresh,” I shook my head when I saw the white outline of the unicorn’s body. Once I read her name on the file, I hurried over to her apartment. Her wife Gumbelle was in hysterics. I don’t blame her. Not only was her special somepony dead, but her apartment was in shambles. It would take days to clean it up. Meanwhile, Gumbelle was crying like mad.

“I-Is there anything *sniff* I can do, detective?”

“Right now the best thing you can do is give us any information that is important. Let’s start with the most important one; did she have any enemies that would want her dead?” Asking this was pretty much the same as asking what sound a cat makes. Minty may not have been the most famous name in the underworld, but she was certainly no angel. And I could tell by the way her spouse’s eyes darted back and forth, Gumbelle was thinking the same thing.

“Well, I mean she, I guess that…*Sigh* Yes, yes she did. Five come to mind.”

I quickly got out my notepad and got ready to write.

“First there’s our neighbor Tootie Fruity. Next I would say the club singer Moonstone, then Addams Apple, Bunnie and Clyde, Ms. Dawn, and that criminal Fyre.”

Crap. Those are the most notorious criminals in town. Well except for Dawn and Tootie Fruity. One’s a librarian and the other is a soldier who went crazy. Then again, any pony would after they have bomb blow up right in their face. I decided to look around for clues.

One of the first things I noticed was a pink strand of hair on the carpet. This lowered the suspect list a little; it was now in-between Dawn, Tootie Fruity, and Bunnie. I obviously suspected Bunnie first. You would too if you had to choose between a librarian, a veteran, and a big time mobster. I quickly put that away in evidence.

I also took note of how the killer broke in by just using a bobby pin, but the inside was so torn up. Like this was done by more than one pony, or dragon. This place reeked of that little punk’s cologne. Fyre always thought of himself as the biggest gangster in town, but he would never say it to Bunnie or Clyde. To be fair though, he did run a very successful gang, and the police just couldn’t seem to catch him. I myself have tried to bust some of his cases. I was almost hoping he was guilty, just so I could book ‘im.

“Ooh, watch the glass!”

I looked down and saw bits of broken glass.

“What happened here?” Gumbelle looked a little nervous.

“Well, *sigh* it was that dragon Fyre.”

“I knew it! So he’s the one who did it right?” I got a hopeful smile on my face.

“Well, no actually. Fyre came by last night. But that was just to deliver a message. He said that *choke* that Minty had one more day to get back his money. He knocked over the vase as a warning. But I suppose it’s entirely possible he could’ve,” her pupils shrunk, “killed her.”

Dang that meant he still possibly couldn’t have done it, or maybe he could have hired somepony to do it for him. Somepony named Addams Apple, a hitpony who enjoys breaking the hooves of late payments. I quickly spun around and faced Gumbelle.

“You did mention one of the suspects was Addams Apple, right?”

“Yes, she was hired by Bunnie and Clyde.”

“But why would Bunnie hire her to-“

“I DON’T KNOW, OKAY?! YOU’RE THE DETECTIVE, YOU FIGURE IT OUT”!

Gumbelle immediately placed her hooves over her mouth, which bared a shocked expression. I didn’t blame her for snapping; after all she had a point. It was my job as the detective to fill in the answers.

“I am so sorry about that, I-“

“Don’t be,” I replied, “It’s not your fault your wife is dead.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

I looked through the files of the suspects; each one was complimented with a file photo. The only ties I knew Minty had with one of these scum bags was Fyre, since Gumbelle told me Minty owed him money.

The one who was puzzling me most was Moonstone, the club singer, but perhaps I’m making her sound too innocent. Moonstone is a singer, but she’s also a dangerous criminal. Her specialty is diamonds. She loves the little crystals, and she’s been known to be a great cat burglar when it comes to them, and while she’s dabbled in murder here and there, it’s always been for a reason (A sick, twisted reason). I was about to go interrogate her, when I saw Tootie Fruity’s file. I dreaded seeing her the most. Her insanity made sure she rarely made sense; and when she did make sense, it’s wasn’t very smart. But then I saw her address, and I shouted out,

“I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE APARTMENT BUILDING?! I WAS JUST THERE”!

Author's Note

This is something I wanted to do for a while, so it was pretty fun. And I can't wait to continue. I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed though. And if you can't tell: Minty is Lyra, Gumbelle is Bon Bon, and Fire Trail is Spitfire. Hope you stay tuned and enjoy!

Tootie Fruity Explains It All

My hooves should have been knocking on the door; but instead they remained firmly planted on the dirty carpet. Yeah, in case you didn’t know, motels aren’t exactly very homey.

I’m procrastinating; it’s a bad habit of mine. I really didn’t want to do this. Everypony knew about Tootie Fruity’s mental state, or lack thereof, and I already went through the details of what happened to her, so if you don’t remember, too bad. Walking through the door, asking her questions, and wanting to get away with answers and no headache; is the equivalent of hitting myself in the head with a baseball bat, and drinking battery acid.

But I just had to hold my nose and get it over with. I very reluctantly knocked on the door.

“Come iiiiiiiin!” a sing-song voice beckoned me in.

Walking in wasn’t much of a surprise to me, it was in worse state than Gumbelle’s. Garbage such as empty cereal boxes, rubber ducks, Equestrian flags, cupcake wrappers, and one or two blood stains littered the floor. The blinds were half closed, giving the room a dark and depressing feel to it. I actually kind of liked it; it reminded me of my office.

“What do want, Mr. Detective-Pants?” Tootie’s voice nearly made me jump out of my suspenders. I quickly rotated to face her beady eyes.

“I *ahem* uh needed to ask you a few questions.”

“Ooh! Sounds fun, let’s play!”

“….Right. Well, I need you to tell me where you were, and what you were doing last night.”

The kooky mare put on her ‘thinking face’ while putting a hoof to her chin, “I believe I was warning the ponies in town of the coming of the kumquatitions. But no pony would listen to me. Can you believe it?!”

“Yeah,” I said rolling my eyes, “It’s a mystery. Now, what connection do you have to Gumbelle and Minty Fresh”?

Tootie’s expression immediately darkened. Her bright and fluffy pink mane soon became straight and limp. She slowly walked towards one of the more shaded areas of the room. Only her bright blue eyes were visible now.

“The three of us used to be close friends. They knew me before and after the ‘incident’. They remained friends with me through thick and thin. That’s what friends do. But then, then the two of them invited me over about a week ago. It was supposed to be a fun little get-together, but instead it was a nightmare”.

I couldn’t believe I was saying this, but I was actually invested in this loon’s story. “Yeah, then what happened?”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Minty was relaxing on the couch reading a magazine when she heard a knock at the door. She approached the door carefully, knowing what to expect.

“SURPRISE,” Tootie screeched as the door opened to her.

“Tootie, so good to see you,” Minty greeted, “Please come in”.

The two mares trotted into the small living area. Gumbelle was cooking dinner in the kitchen. She took a break from her work and sat down with Minty and Tootie.

“I’m so excited to be here with you guys! I baked some extra special cookies for the occasion. Who wants to sample one”?

The trio of friends each took a cookie and ate a portion.

“Pretty good right?” inquired the insane veteran.

“Yeah, these are really tasty.”

“Meh, they’re alright”.

As Gumbelle made her way back to the kitchen, Tootie stared at Minty with her pupils shrunk and her teeth clenched. She practically spat out the word “what” when she asked it.

“Hmm? Oh I don’t know, I mean I guess they’re a little dry.”

“DRY?!” Tootie flipped over the coffee table as she leaped out of her seat. She pressed her face right up to Minty’s, with her eyes spinning like mad.

“THESE COOKIES ARE SUPER DUPER SCRUMPTIOUS, FOR YOUR INFORMATION! IF THEY’RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR A BABY ALLIGATOR, THEN IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU OR ANY OTHER PONY”!

Tootie stomped towards the door in a huff. But before she left, she turned around to look Minty right in the eyes.

“You will rue this day, Minty! RUE IT I SAY”!

And with that, Tootie the unstable mare left two confused ponies alone (Which she seemed to do quite often).

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

I just stared at her. I kept expecting her to bust up laughing like it was one of her crazy fantasies. But all she did was remain silent in the dark.

“That’s it?” Minty didn’t like your cookies?” I asked, my anger boiling, “That’s it?!”

“Hello! She insulted my baking skills! I believe my response was reasonable”.

That’s when I grabbed her by the collar and violently shook her, “YOU KILLED A MARE OVER COOKIES?!”

I underestimated her strength, her hooves grabbed my wrists and twisted hard, “DON’T TOUCH ME YOU- wait I didn’t kill her.”

“Yeah right,” I replied, almost chuckling, “You said you would make Minty rue that day.”

“True,” Tootie calmly stated as she released her grip on me, “But my intentions were never murder. More like a prank or something.”

“Then why did you act so serious just then?”

Her once limp and dull mane suddenly exploded into its natural form, “BECAUSE IT’S ALL A GAME SILLY!”

I was knocked on my back at her abrupt outburst. She started to slowly approach me as I slinked backwards on my ass. I was cautious coming in, but now I was ready to bolt.

“Sure it’s bad news that my dear, dear friend has passed,” her voice dropping an octave when she said ‘dear’, “But that’s the game of life! I’m not saying I want to slam the pony that did it into the dirt with a mallet, but I don’t wanna shake their hoof either. It’s just another tidbit that keeps this game interesting! Don’t cha see? DO. YOU. SEEEEE!?”

“ENOUGH!” I bolted right up and tackled her into a corner. I was done messing around. “DID YOU, OR DID YOU NOT MURDER MINTY?!”

She just giggled, “Of course not silly.” She pulled a flat square from out of nowhere, “Mahjong”?

From there, I was just done. I set her down, took a deep breath, and quietly left. From the sound of it, Tootie decided to play the game by herself; and she was losing.

Before I continued my trek down the hall, I did a quick check. Eeyup, I had a headache.

Author's Note

Special thanks to Mixer for editing

A Night at Club Velvet Pt.1

I’ve never been to Club Velvet, but I’ve heard it’s actually a legitimate business. It just so happens that a criminal named Fyre has pegged it as his personal hangout.

Fyre has clawed his way up the totem pole in the criminal underworld. But while he has his own gang, and some decent ruthlessness, he doesn’t have the respect he thinks he deserves.

I have a bit of a vendetta against him because even though he’s a criminal, he’s no Bunnie; meaning that when I couldn’t catch him the last time, it was like getting an ‘F’ on a test in school. I bet that little twerp has been pretty proud of himself since then.

“Well prepare to be taken down a peg, punk.” I thought to myself.

Club Velvet was in my sight. It had opened up a few hours ago, so the place was packed. Ponies of all kind were coming in and out like clockwork. The building itself was pretty fastuous. There were advertisements for what were inside on the widows, and a big lit-up sign that read “CLUB VELVET” was on top the front entrance.

The inside was a bit classier. There were round, black club chairs at every table. The round tables had one lone candle in the center of it. Right at the end of the club was a giant stage for nightly performances. Most of the things in the room, like the walls, curtains, and lampshades, were red. And while the smell of cigars and knowing Fyre was here were present, Club Velvet had a very lively feel to it. Ponies were talking and laughing, playing cards, drinking, the band was playing, and there was a whisper going around that the stage would soon have a singer on it.

I hastily scanned the room for my dragon target. I spotted him at a table in the far corner. He was laughing it up with two other ponies, who were presumably two of his henchponies. One had white fur with a spiked back orange mane. The other had brown fur and a long black mane. They didn’t look too tough.

“Nice night isn’t it?” I asked as I pulled up a chair. All eyes at the table were on me then. The laughing had stopped, but Fyre continued to smirk.

“Beautiful,” he slithered. “Now what brings you here Bullet, business or pleasure?”

“Business, but it would be a pleasure to take you down”.

That got a bit of a chuckle out of him. His two followers, however, remained stone-faced. Yeah, keep trying to intimidate me boys, it will work eventually.

“Have you already forgotten your bitter failure to me? Because I sure haven’t.”

“Listen you twat, Minty Fresh has been murdered, and I know you have a connection to her”.

Fyre leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, “Ah yes, Minty Fresh, the one who owed me money for several years. And you tell she has now been axed? A pity, truly a pity. Now tell me, has her wife recovered after the little scare I gave her”?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Minty’s hooves shivered with fear as she gripped her mug. It had only been a week since Tootie made her big dramatic exit, but she was still on edge. All Minty wanted to do was put her past behind her, but it kept creeping up on her. The only thing that helped her get by day after day was her wonderful wife Gumbelle.

“You’re still thinking about Tootie, aren’t you?” her wife asked.

“Heh, yeah I guess I am. I shouldn’t let it get to me though”.

Just then there was a harsh knock at the door. Gumbelle gave her wife a quick kiss on the cheek and trotted towards the door. She gingerly opened the door but didn’t see anypony; until she heard the sound of somepony clearing their throat. She craned her neck down and gasped. Staring her in the face was Fyre.

“What’s wrong,” asked a worried Minty, “Is it Tootie?”

“Much worse,” Her love replied as she side-stepped to reveal the little dragon. Minty mimicked Gumbelle and gasped.

“Minty, so good to see you,” the mobster’s voice came out as smooth as liquid. “Tell me, how have you been these days?”

“What do you want from me, Fyre?” Minty was starting to get defensive.

“Funny how you remember me, but not the little debt you owe me”.

Gumbelle’s eyes darted back and forth between Minty and Fyre, “Minty is this true? I thought you settled any unpleasantness you had with ponies.”

“I-I don’t know w-what you’re talking about! I-I don’t o-owe you any m-money.”

Fyre chuckled, “You were always a terrible liar, Minty. But eeyup, it turns out that spending a lot of time at the track betting on Wonderbolts ranks up a barrel load of bits, four thousand to be exact.”

Minty cringed, she knew the she didn’t have the bits, and Fyre wouldn’t leave until he got what he wanted. It was time to stall.

“Fyre….I don’t have your money. I can try to get it in the next few days but I don’t think”-

Fyre angrily knocked over a lamp on a nearby table, sending glass everywhere. Fyre quickly stomped towards the door.

“YOU HAVE THREE DAYS, FRESH, AND IF I DON’T HAVE MY MONEY BY THEN, YOU’RE A DEAD MARE!"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Fyre had finished telling his tale, and his grin had disappeared. Gumbelle did mention something about Fyre knocking over a lamp, so his story seems to check out.

“Wait a minute,” I interjected, “You said this happened on the eighteenth?”

“That is correct.”

“And the murder happened the night after. Could it be that you got impatient?”

“Please, I may be a criminal, but I am a dragon of my word. I was here at Club Velvet, you can check with the owners”.

I gave him a sneer. His story sounds legitimate, but it could very possibly be a lie. I should definitely check with the club’s owners. I began to ask him about Addams Apple, when I felt a hoof on my shoulder.

“Ah Addams, so kind of you to rejoin us.”

My head spun back like an owl. Addams Apple had an evil smirk plastered on his face as he eyed me; strange that a coward would have such confidence. He plopped himself down next to thug number one. I wasted no time on the interrogation.

“I wouldn’t be smiling, Addams, especially since you know that Bunnie could come after you at any time”.

Okay I wasted a little time. But it made her smirk disappear with her confidence.

“So I couldn’t finish a little assassination, big deal.” She tried to bargain, “Fyre here has got me doin’ real jobs.”

“Like completing her assassination?” I countered.

“What are you babbling about?” she asked.

“Well, Fyre said that he didn’t kill Minty personally, so maybe he hired you to do it. It could fill up that empty feeling you had where you didn’t finish the job the first time.”

The whole table stared at me, and then erupted into laughter. Brown and black looked like he would pass out from laughing so hard.

“Now-now you’re just being pathetic, Bullet,” Fyre said picking himself up, “Do I have to just outright say it, I’m innocent!” He noticed that the band just left the stage, “Maybe a nice performance would calm your nerves”.

A pony with a pencil mustache and a white tux slipped onto the stage. He seemed to be chuckling at something. He grabbed the mike with a smile,

“All right, everypony, it’s time to introduce the mare that you all came to see. It is my pleasure to introduce, Miss Moonstone”!

Thunderous applause rippled throughout the club, while I groaned. Moonstone’s reputation for her voice was more well-known than her criminal status, but less talked about than Tootie Fruity’s insanity. Personally I’ve never heard her sing. I guess it was time to find out what all the fuss was about.

The ruby red curtains flung open, at first you could barely make out the silhouette of a pony. But when the giant spotlight hit her, all you saw was radiant beauty. Approving whistles and claps would echo off the walls.

This unicorn had a flowing purple mane that was all in curls. Her velvet red dress perfectly complemented her dark blue eyes. I wasn’t into mares, but this lady was sure trying that.

With her eyes half open in a sexy way, her mouth opened to release a voice that was as beautiful as her.

She sang the first few chords on stage, but soon grabbed the microphone and danced around the club in a sultry way. It quickly dawned on me that now all of the whistling was being performed by Fyre. The little bugger’s cheeks started to turn red.

After her little number, the club was applauding so hard I thought my ears would leave my head and run off screaming. I had to admit, she lived up to her name.

“Quite the diamond isn’t she?” Moonstone’s luscious song was replaced with Fyre’s slithering voice. I could have sworn he had hearts in his eyes.

“Yeah well, while you boys sit here and ogle, I have some fact checking to do”.

Author's Note

Sorry for this to take so long everybody

A Night at Club Velvet Pt. 2

I made my way through the crowd, and towards the back of Club Velvet. I needed to find the owners of the club, Hoax and Faux. These two unicorns were professional scammers. But their charm and excellent salesponies ship made you think you could trust them as much as you would your own mother.

I opened the door to their office to Hoax and his brother sitting back in their chairs, putting the top half of their bodies in shadow. But their bright red and white manes and glowing green eyes could still be made out.

“It’s called knocking, ma’am,” said Faux, “Maybe you’ve heard of it.”

I flashed my badge, “Detective Bullet. I have a few questions for you two gentlestallions, concerning your best customer.”

“Fruity Kick?” pondered Hoax, stroking his mustache, “Look we cut her off for good.”

“No you idiots, Fyre. I just need to get some information.”

The two stallions got a sly grin on their faces, the same kind they made while making a shady deal. It probably meant that Fyre could have bribed them. They probably thought I wouldn’t be able to deduce that. I guess I was just too smart for them.

“What do you wanna know?” Hoax’s voice was cool as ice.

“Mr. Big-Shot claims he was at your club on the nineteenth, can you verify that?”

“He indeed was,” confirmed Faux, “We saw it with our own eyes”.

I grabbed Faux by his collar with my hooves, “And how do I know you’re not lying? It would have been no problem for Fyre to have bribed you!”

Faux just smiled, “Feel free to search the office, you’ll find nothing”.

And that’s exactly what I did. I searched through all the drawers in the desk, through every open area, and in every nook and cranny. The only money I found were the bits that the brothers earned from running Club Velvet.

“Fine,” I begrudgingly muttered, “Now how about you two make yourselves useful and tell me where Moonstone’s dressing room is”?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Moonstone’s name was engraved into the gold star that was plastered on the door to her dressing room. I politely knocked on her door and she instantly flew it open with a big grin on her face. But as soon as she saw it was me, her smile faded.

“Unless you have roses I’m not signing autographs right now”.

She went to close the door but my outstretched hoof just happened to get in the way.

“That’s too bad, because I have a job to do.”

“Ugh, can’t you ponyarazzi members leave me alone?”

I held up my badge for the second time this hour, “I’m a detective, and I need to ask you a few questions.”

She gave a huge dramatic sigh that made it sound like I just asked her to donate a kidney. I’ve heard rumors and I know about the stereotypes of show ponies being really spoiled and dramatic, but this mare was really pushing that.

“Fine,” Moonstone simply responded with a bored look on her face, “Ask away.”

“Right, now have you ever met a mare named Minty Fresh”?

The small mirror she was holding suddenly dropped to the floor. After a brief pause, she rushed towards me.

“DON’T EVER MENTION THAT NAME TO ME!”

A crazed look waltzed into her eyes as she screamed into my face. Again with the drama, this mare needed to calm down. But it didn’t seem like she was scared of Minty’s name, more infuriated with it.

“Why,” I asked, “What happened?”

Moonstone released her grip and turned to her mirror, “It all started two years ago”…

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

A masked mare leapt across the rooftops, using her unicorn magic to levitate a bulging bag. Moonstone had a crazed look in her eyes as she sprang towards another building. It was her first night of thievery, and she was enjoying every second of it.

When she snuck back into her apartment as silent as the night she surrounded herself with, Moonstone delicately unfurled the tied up top to her burlap pouch to reveal hundreds of sparkling diamonds. Her entire room almost lit up in the light blue radiance.

It was the first night the singer had ever robbed a building. She had longed for good thrill and thought that this would be like no other. Soon the city of Manehatten was hit with an astounding crime wave. All caused by the white mare. Over time she gained a nickname: “The Sapphire Snatcher”. One night, however, would be different.

It seemed like any other crime-filled night, with a sack full of rubies and a spring to her step. But as soon she came to her room, it was filled with police ponies; all had their guns trained on her. Moonstone was shocked, how could the cops have known? She quickly asked that exact question. One of the officers with a thick, orange mustache answered,

“We got an anonymous tip that the Sapphire Snatcher would be here tonight.”

“But, who could possibly”- Minty, it had to be here. Moonstone recalled earlier that day about how she was running her gums about a big hit tonight to some other criminals at a poker game. One of those ponies happened to be the newly reformed, Minty Fresh. Moonstone was furious, but there was no time for that now. She had a room full of angry cops that wanted her full cooperation; well too bad for them.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

“So what happened to the cops”? by this point I was not only a little intrigued, but questioning Moon Stone’s intelligence. Why would she foolishly reveal her plans, even if they were a bunch of criminals?

She gave me a sly smile, “Oh I just used my natural charm, darling. Stallions are incredibly dense. Now, I’m sure there was a point of me telling you my ‘origin story’, and it has something to do with Minty Fresh?”

“Right, Minty was murdered the other night. You are one of the suspects.”

The glamorous mare just chuckled, “Oh please, I have dozens of adoring fans, I can’t disappoint them by taking time out of my busy schedule to commit a murder. I’m not a petty mare who just focuses on revenge.”

I walked closer to her, “Is that why you screamed in my face when I said Minty’s name?”

“That’s just what we ponies in showbiz drama. Now, I believe we’re done here”.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

As I exited Moonstone’s dressing room, I stopped by Faux and Hoax’s office to make sure the singer’s alibi checked out. Unfortunately, Dumb and Dumbass confirmed it to be true. I was getting tired; tired of all of my suspects being innocent, and just plain tired. On the bright side I only had one more pony to confront. It was Dawn, the town librarian. All I can say is, it better be her, or somepony is going to see my ugly side.

My extended hoof was about to open the front door to exit the club when I heard it, a sound that I’ve heard so much over the years that I can detect it anywhere. It was a pistol getting ready to fire.

My wings instinctively propelled me into the air, with the bullet just grazing my tail. A second slower and it would’ve hit where it counts. Club Velvet went ballistic. Ponies everywhere started running and screaming. Through all the chaos I tried to spot who had fired the gun. I soon laid eyes on Fyre, of course, with a gun in his claws and a look of fury in his eyes. It wasn’t long before his two comrades had guns as well.

I swooped down, weaving through the whizzing bullets with ease. These guys were terrible shots. Like a cannonball, I tackled the pony with orange hair and glasses.

“Equinox,” Fyre barked, “Help Quicksilver”!

Equinox charged towards me snorting steam. I hastily kicked Quicksilver off of me and threw him into the advancing stallion.

Before I could react, two hooves clamped around my neck. They belonged to Addams Apple. As she choked me, she whispered something into my ear,

“Give up, kid, this is what I live for”.

I tried flipping the assassin off, but I just couldn’t shake her. So I went with plan “B”; running to a wall back first with all my might. A loud *THUD* echoed throughout Club Velvet as Apple met the wall. In a daze, she slid down and soon entered Dream Town.

“Morons,” Fyre muttered, “Looks like it’s up to me”.

The dragon pulled out a long knife and lunged at me. I bobbed my head to avoid the slashing knife. I used my hind hoof to kick the weapon out of his claws. I tried to punch him but the little dork kept blocking by throws. Then I realized I had an advantage over him. Using my wings, I circled the room, after going around Fyre, I head-butted him right in the back. He flew and hit his jaw right on the edge of a table.

“Looks we’re even now, Fyre”.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

I soon called for a dispatch unit to arrest Fyre. He may not have committed the murder, but he still attacked a federal official. I like that term, I should use that more often. But for now, I just one more pony to visit. It’s time I got some answers.

Two Ex-Best Friends Play

Manehattan’s library was located in the center of town. Like Club Velvet, I’ve never been here, which means I’ve never met Dawn. But, I did know that Dawn was the town librarian. I’m not sure if she partook in any criminal activities, but that doesn’t mean she gets a free pass. For all I knew, Dawn was the guilty one. Well, only one way to find out

Once I entered the library, I felt like my eyes were deceiving me. This place was bigger than Club Velvet! And it was all filled with books. The only corner of the room that wasn’t covered in wall-to-wall books was the front desk. Dawn sat there; she had her purple hair in a downward bun, with small reading glasses nested at the tip of her muzzle. She had a streak of magenta running through her mane, and her light purple eyes were the same color as her fur. To sum it up: she was very purple.

She greeted me with a smile, “Welcome to Manehattan Library, can I help you with anything?”

“Indeed you can, Miss Dawn,” I answered, “My name is Detective Bullet, I’m afraid to inform you that there’s been a murder.”

Dawn gasped, “Oh dear, that’s terrible. But what does that have to do with me?”

“I’m afraid you’re one of suspects, ma’am. Now I need you to answer some questions for me.”

“Of course, Detective”.

I gave her the usual rundown. Dawn stated that on the night of the murder she was working at the library. Figures, I was getting some serious egghead readings off this mare. Then again I didn’t expect anything different from a librarian.

I was about to ask her about her connection to Minty, when I noticed there was a shelf behind Dawn’s desk chair. The shelf had a few family photos, a diploma to Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and one or two first place trophies, with a silver second one at the end. I never would’ve pegged this mare as a sports star.

“I guess you’re wondering about the trophies,” Dawn walked up next to me, “They’re not for sports, they’re actually for unicorn magic talent competitions. Isn’t that exciting?!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say they’re for me. Now, how do you know Minty?”

Dawn smile faded, “You see that second place trophy there? That’s how I met Minty. Last year we were both participating in the competition, it was Minty’s first year. I started a friendly conversation with her. She seemed really nice and kind of unsure about her chances of winning. But, as you can see, she got first place. I guess at the time, I was jealous. I felt like a first-timer shouldn’t have won something so important. But, over time I got over it.”

“Are you sure about that,” I asked, “I mean, at least to you, that doesn’t sound like something somepony would get over. And you’re saying you got completely over it.”

“Yep, I have no more ill feelings towards her”.

I squinted at her. There was something about her hair I didn’t like, and then it hit me.

“You know, at the crime scene I found a strand of pink hair. That wouldn’t happen to be yours, would it?”

“Of course not,” she gasped, “I’ve never been to her apartment Besides, I don’t have pink in my mane.”

“Alright, then what about your manestyle? You would need a bobby pin to make that work, and the killer broke in using a bobby pin.”

Dawn looked shocked; I’d guess I’d be too if somepony was accusing me of murder, “Are you saying that I’m the only pony in town that uses bobby pins”?

I opened my mouth to retaliate, but no words came out. I guess all of her arguments made sense. Then again, she could be lying. Maybe I should go back to the office and look over the evidence again.

I thanked Dawn for her time and exited the library. It had started to rain, perfect.

For all you non-detectives out there, you’d probably be giving up right now and grab a cider at the tavern if you were in my horseshoes. But this is standard case for me. Once and a while a few ponies will admit what they’ve done but almost always they claim they’re innocent. So now all I had to do was find out who was the liar.

I could rule out Fyre and Addams Apple, since they were already in jail for assault. Same goes for Bunnie since she spilled the beans with me. That narrowed the list down to Tootie Fruity, Moonstone, and Dawn. My bits were on Moonstone, after all she had the most valid reason, and the most drive.

Before I could continue my thoughts, a sleek, black car skidded to a halt about a block away. I could make out the figure of a griffon stepping out of said car. The griffon started walking towards me, so I copied its action. As I got closer I saw that this griffon was one I was all too familiar with. Her name was Gilda, and she used to be my partner. We made a heck of a team, but Gilda wanted more of a thrill. So, like Addams Apple, she became a killer for hire. Gilda wore a simple, pin-striped suit with a white tie underneath. A black fedora rested atop her head. But it appeared she was now carrying an accessory: a tommy gun.

“Evening, Gilda,” I calmly stated, “I’m guessing this visit is business?”

“I see you’ve retained your detective skills, Bullet,” she spat, “My boss hired me to make sure you wouldn’t discover the truth.”

“So you’re working for the murderer! Gilda, you have to tell me.” I helplessly pleaded.

“Please,” Gilda chuckled as she pointed the gun at me, “You know I can’t do that. But I will give you a head start”.

I could’ve ran, I could’ve flown, but that is not my style. Instead, I rammed my hoof into Gilda’s stupid face. The force and shock factor of my blow knocked the gun out of her claws. But she recovered quickly and countered with a strong right hook. The trading of blows lasted for a few minutes before I was knocked down. I noticed that the gun was just in my reach. I slowly stretched my hoof to grab the assault weapon. But I should’ve known Gilda was too smart for that. In a flash her talon was wrapped around my hoof.

I decided I’ve had enough and bucked the big griffon off of me. I scooped up the tommy gun and started firing wildly, hoping that one bullet would hit Gilda. The closest I got was a stray bullet grazing her arm. In her moment of weakness I chucked the gun at her. Gilda side-stepped it, and rocketed at me. She swiped her claw at me, which I ducked, but kept flying straight. Instead of turning around, she got into her car. A fool would think that she was retreating, but I knew she was gonna try to ram me. It also turns out that she kept a spare pistol in the car, because more bullets were coming my way.

Luckily I had one of my never-fail plans. I was standing in front of a brick wall, if I could remain here and jump at the last second, her car would be demolished against this.

The run-through of my plan in my head was cut when one of Gilda’s bullets got me in the stomach. I would be fine, but that wound would need some bandages. As the car grew closer, I could see the look of fury in Gilda’s eyes. She was determined to end me tonight. It was now or never, just had I felt the heat of the headlights I flew into the night sky. I didn’t look back, but I heard a sickening crash followed by a deathly explosion.

Gilda was dead; I guess it was for the better. As for my current predicament, I had some gauze in my desk back at the office. Which reminded me, I had to find out who this killer was.

A Killer Revealed

A Killer Revealed

I slammed my hooves against my desk. I thought I could find an extra clue in the files, but I found nothing. This was becoming more and more frustrating by the minute. I slumped back into my chair in defeat. There had to be something that I was missing, some clue I overlooked, like a picture, or something somepony said, or….

I straightened myself; I had just made a breakthrough. Yes, I finally did it; I knew who the culprit was. It all had to do with one tiny flaw that I overlooked at first. But now that I saw it, it was this pony’s ultimate downfall. I raced out of my office at record speed.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dawn was silently putting books away when I barged into her business.

“Miss Dawn, you’re under arrest for the murder of Minty Fresh”.

Dawn didn’t even turn around, “I already told you, Detective, I’m not involved with this murder in anyway.”

“You almost had me believe that,” I replied, “But all the clues point to you. Your hair needs bobby pins to get in that style, the same device that was used to break into the apartment. Not to mention that Minty had bested you in the unicorn talent competition. Jealousy can drive a pony to do crazy things. And I don’t think I have to mention the strand of hair I found.”

“We’ve been over this,” she deadpanned, “Those points do not mean I committed the murder”.

This mare just didn’t know when to quit, I walked over to face Dawn to see that she had a small lantern next to her to provide light. It also gave her an eerie glow.

“Perhaps, but there was one thing that really told me you’re guilty.”

“Oh really? And what would that be?”

“You previously stated that you’ve never been to Minty’s apartment, how did you know that Minty lived in an apartment?”

Dawn froze, “I really wished you hadn’t noticed that."

Dawn swung the lantern right at my face. I was able to duck the attack, making the lantern shatter against the bookshelf in a small burst of flame. Dawn didn’t waste any time, she tackled me to the ground. It seemed like I was setting a record for the most amount of fights I got into in one night.

For a librarian, this mare was actually pretty tough. Then again, I imagine she would have to be in order to commit murder. I was able to block some blows, but she still had me pinned. I finally had an opening and flew up to the ceiling. Then I sped down and gave a clean uppercut to Dawn’s face, sending her to flailing into a nearby bookshelf.

Recovering quickly, she used her magic to levitate dozens of books. Like bullets, she sent them at me. I thanked my lucky stars that I had the speed to dodge the onslaught of literature. This only seemed to anger her as she hurled yet more books at me.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that a small fire had started on one of the bookshelves. The lantern smashing against the shelf must have made the dry, old books catch fire. Given enough time, say seven minutes, one corner of the library would be engulfed in flames.

“Dawn,” I yelled, “We gotta get outta here! This whole library is gonna burn!”

“Oh ho ho,” she wickedly laughed, “You think I didn’t notice? I’m not leaving, and nether are you. We’ll both die in our own HELL”!

Before I could tell her I had weekend plans, she beaned me in the chest with a king-size dictionary. I plummeted towards the ground in a corkscrew. As I struggled to get up, Dawn clubbed me over the head with her second place trophy. I guess there was some used to it after all.

“Why?” I spat, “Why are you letting petty revenge blind you?”

“Because no pony is better than me at magic! I had to do it, for my title! Now with her out of the picture I will always remain the most powerful unicorn in Equestria!”

“Does that title apply from beyond the grave”?

I gave a sweep kick to Dawn’s hooves. She went toppling to the floor. A floor that was quickly being covered in flames, I might add. But fire or not, Dawn was determined to make sure I didn’t make it out alive. Luckily I had more experience busting heads than a librarian. But then I thought, well, Dawn was still a librarian when she murdered Minty; who knows what else she could have done?

I didn’t want to find out; instead I slammed my body on top of Dawn’s. That’s when I realized that the flames had reached the ceiling, if the fire continued, the whole roof could collapse. I had to get myself and Dawn out of the once quaint library before the fiery inferno consumed us.

I looked down at the purple mare, she looked unconscious, so I flung her hoof around my shoulder and started to slowly drag her body out of the library. But the mare double-crossed my trust as she snapped my wings and threw me over her shoulder. I came to the conclusion that it was either help both of us pointlessly escape, or get out myself in one piece. I decided to go with the ladder.

With lightning fast speed I fran out the library door. Just as I got outside, burning wood fell down and blocked the exit. With spending so much time in a burning building, I began to feel woozy. The last thing I heard before passing out was Dawn crying out in pain.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rainbow Dash’s hooves ceased their blur of motion as she set them down to rest. Proudly, she looked over the old typewriter to inspect her masterpiece. The cyan pegasus was in the Ponyville library, much different from the one Tracer Bullet was in.

“I feel bad about lying to Twilight as to why I wanted to use her typewriter,” Dash thought to herself, “But it’s a lot easier than telling her the truth”.

Just at that moment, the door in front of her cracked open. Paralyzed with fear, Dash could only sit there as Twilight Sparkle, owner of the library, entered.

“I just wanted to see how your thesis was coming-“ Twilight stopped short, “Dash, what’s wrong?”

“Uh, nothing, Twilight, just the excitement of science is all”.

Twilight walked slowly towards her friend. She stopped behind her as her purple eyes moved back and forth, scanning the document. Dash continued to remain motionless, only imagining the teasing she would get when Twilight realized what she was really writing. Eventually, the unicorn mare began her journey back to the door. But before it was closed, she offered these parting words,

“I would never style my mane in a bun”.

The Greatest Couple since Bunnie & Clyde

After having an ibuprofen the size of Las Pegasus, I crossed Fruity’s name off of the suspect list. I realized that I had to stop playing with children, and start talking to the real criminals; Starting with the biggest one of all: Bunnie and Clyde.

Bunnie was born into what was formerly known as a small gang, with no real claim to fame to their name. But when Bunnie was around six years old, her father was killed by a rival gang, so she inherited her father’s position as leader. From that moment, it was like the worst player on the team struck out, and the best player was up to bat. Soon that gang and Bunnie became the most feared ponies in the entire underworld. I, of course, wasn’t afraid of them, which is why I had no problem marching right into their hideout.

It was a simple building, one that didn’t call attention to it. Shaped like a storage area, it had a long rectangular base, and some busted windows on the side. Two guards stood outside the main entrance. The one on the right held a hoof up to my chest to stop me.

“Hold it. Who are ya and what are ya doin’ here?”

I held my badge up to him, “Detective Tracer Bullet. I need to ask your boss in there a few questions”.

The second lackey opened his mouth to respond, but the door opening interrupted him. A small white rabbit wearing a brown fedora with black pants that went all the way up to his chest. His red tie went down to his feet.

His name was Clyde, Bunnie’s number one assistant. He squeaked something at the first pony and he nodded his head in approval.

“Just follow the rabbit and you’ll get to the Queen.” He said with a smirk.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Inside the warehouse was actually dirtier than Tootie Fruity’s apartment. But instead of random garbage littered about the place, it was full of dust and dirt. Complete with a plethora of boxes filled with guns and drugs. For some reason, there were random chains hanging from the ceiling.

Bunnie was always one for modesty, so when I saw her sitting on a giant throne in the center of the room, I almost did a double take. The lady in charge had a smug grin on her face when she first laid eyes on me. But the two goons beside her remained still with cold looks on their faces. Clyde quickly brushed past me and hopped up right on Bunnie’s lap.

“Well look who we have here, Clyde. It’s the almighty Detective Bullet.” The mobster took a confident sip from a glass of water, “I always knew you would come after me, but I didn’t think it would be when I actually didn’t do anything.”

“Says you. Tell me, what do you know about the pony, Minty Fresh”?

Like Tootie, Bunnie’s face seemed to get a little darker. I really hoped this wouldn’t become a pattern. But Bunnie got a tad more violent. At the mention of Minty’s name, she threw her glass across the room.

“THAT BITCH! THAT LOW-DOWN, SNEAKY, SNITCH!” Bunnie took a deep breath and regained her posture, “Please excuse me for my outburst, Detective.”

“I know something that’ll cheer you up, Minty is dead”.

Bunnie’s pupils shrunk. Her mouth hung down in the shape of an o. But she soon started chuckling, “You don’t say.”

“Can it, Buns. You’re at the top of my suspect list, and I want answers now!”

“And answers you shall get. You see, a few years ago, the boys were plannin’ on hittin’ up a museum. Around this time Minty had joined our gang. On the night of the break in Minty was nowhere to be seen. It turns out, she went rattin’ to the cops. This quickly rose into a shootout, allowing us to make a clean getaway. I vowed that little snitch would pay someday, so hearing that somepony has beat me to it, is bittersweet”.

So she did have a motive, but then I remembered something Gumbelle told me.

“Minty’s wife said that you had hired Addams Apple to pay those two a visit. Now why would that be?”

She just laughed, “You’ve got me there, Detective. I hired Addams Apple to poison Minty’s food. That way it could’ve been blamed on the spouse. But when Apple came trotting back to me whining that the fuzz was on his trail, I knew that he had failed.”

Tonight was being a pain in the flank for me. I was getting so tired of these ponies saying they’re innocent, and being right! But then a wild idea crossed my mind.

“Where is Addams Apple now?”

“He’s with that pipsqueak Fyre,” Bunnie gruffly responded, “I believe those two are in Club Velvet. Fyre had a job for the failure, fine with me. I don’t need a thug to do my dirty work for me.”

“Yeah, thanks for info”. I tipped my hat and started walking towards the door. But two of Bunnie’s goons stepped out from behind the shadows and blocked my path. I heard Bunnie cackle from behind.

“Honestly Detective, did you actually think I’d give you such vital information and allow you to leave? And here I thought you had a brain cell”.

The two thugs in front of me pointed two machine guns at me. I heard the familiar click of the weapons as they prepared to turn me into Swiss cheese.

The second the first bullet was shot, I shot into the air like a-for lack of a better word-bullet. My amazing flying skills have helped me the most in catching low-lives. I circled the room, pulling two chains on my way. When I came back to the assassins, I wrapped them up to cut off their assault.

Bunnie didn’t waste any time. She sent out all of her henchponies quick as a whip. These ponies didn’t have guns to wield. I didn’t know who to thank for that, my luck, or their stupidity.

The first pony came at me swinging. I gave him a good sock in the jaw, followed by a knee to the gut. The second one earned a buck to the head from me. Pretty soon I was taking down ponies left and right.

*CRACK!* that was the sound my face made as Bunnie’s hoof connected with it. Sometimes I wonder why she has a gang; her strength rivals that of a circus strongpony. I spun around to counterattack, but she was too fast. She caught my hoof and hit me with a strong left hook.

That sent me sailing across the room. I slid back on my hooves as I noted how the rest of Bunnie’s gang had stopped attacking and instead formed a circle to watch the fight. I didn’t want these guys to feel useless, so I decided to give them a hoof.

I grabbed a random stallion and hurled him at his boss. The mobster karate kicked him to the side. That’s when I flew in and slammed her against the wall. The two of us began to roll on the floor, landing hits anytime and anywhere we could. At one point, I raised my hoof to bring it down on Bunnie, but when I came down on her, a stray bullet whizzed past my head. I looked up to see Clyde with a rifle pointed right at me. I flew up, grabbed the little weasel, and threw him out a window.

Soon I started to get tired of getting my flank handed to me, so I decided to play a little game of cat and mouse. I catapulted up into the ceiling, zipping by the chains as Bunnie was right on my tail. She was getting angrier and angrier the farther we got. That’s when I made my move. I started flying through the chains, zig-zagging through any open space. Bunnie wasn’t as great a flyer as I was, and that's what I was counting on. It didn’t take long for her to get tangled up in those chains.

“AAAARRRRGGHHHH!” I heard her roar, “THIS ISN’T OVER BULLET! YOU WILL SUFFER”!

Yeah, but for now, I could fly away into the night.