~ Hereditary ~
The last of the mail was finally delivered. I breathed out a sigh of exhaustion after being done for the day, leaning my head down. It was tougher and tougher for me as time went on, but I persisted. Though, as usual, I was a bit too rough with the envelopes; they had become a bit wrinkled after I clumsily stuffed them into the mailbox. Shrugging to myself, I closed the metal lid with a clank and crouched down to my mailbag at my side.
Taking its shoulder strap around me once again, I double-checked that the bag was empty to make sure there was nothing else to do. It seemed as though I was free for the rest of the day, as there was nopony that needed to send any mail out. Smiling to myself, I fastened the bag closed, jumping into the air and taking to the sky.
As I glided my way across Ponyville, I had noticed it was quite a beautiful fall day despite the groggy morning. There were light clouds dotted about, but not overly so, leaving the blue sky bright and visible. I had always enjoyed flying through them; they felt soft and reminded me of my younger days when I used to do so. However, I was often yelled at for disrupting the cloud setup. I'd been avoiding weather duty due to my tendency to treat them too soft which can backfire, such as the many times I've shocked myself.
I noticed that I passed the hospital down below, almost hidden among the many trees that were planted all around. I became saddened at the sight of the building. It was out of the way from town, making me think it was so that nopony had to look at it, and for good reason. Today was the day, I said to myself. It had been at least four months since the last time, meaning I needed to head out for my usual appointment. Taking in a deep breath, I let out a gloomy sigh. I wasn't thrilled to go, but it was necessary to do so, to try and make myself feel a little better. Doing my best to shake off the feelings, I continued my flight, having been slowed down by my reflection.
Spotting my house up ahead, I spread my wings and dove downward towards the front yard at a reasonable speed, careful not to be a hazard as usual. However, as expected, I ended up crashing into the giant bush that was recently planted by the walkway. I hopped out of the soft plant as I cursed at my control of direction, looking at the pony-shaped groove I left behind. My roommate seemed to come up with great ideas at times; the idea of placing a big bush for me to land in had made me smile. Turning towards the front door, I trotted to it and went inside.
Just after I had closed the door, I turned to hang the mailbag on one of the pegs on the wall, sighing from relaxation. I took a moment to stretch my legs on the frizzy green carpet, and made my way over to the new couch I had bought. Flopping forward onto the blue cushions, I felt like I could easily take a nap, but I knew I had something very important to take care of soon. I glanced around the room with my head on my side, wondering what went on while I wasn't there. My daughter's toys were strewn about the floor such as several pony dolls and a train. Chuckling to myself, I assumed she must have been giving them a ride again.
I was suddenly treated to the familiar, joyful sounds of a giggling filly, making me rise up from my lazy posture. Getting off the couch, I walked over to the far left corner, coming to the hallway. Dinky's bedroom door on my left was open, and I quietly stepped over to it, hearing the noise getting closer. Peeking through the edge of the doorway, I saw her being assaulted by tickles from my roommate on the bed near the door, both of them laughing away. I couldn't help but smile wide at the sight. Laying low and sneaking into the room, I positioned myself at the side of the bed. I found my opportunity and jumped up onto the mattress, joining the yellow pony in tickling my daughter.
"Mommy's home!" I shouted, making them both jump in surprise for a moment, but they continued giggling when they realized what happened. Carrot stopped so that I could get a turn, giggling herself. Dinky begged me to stop amongst her laughter, which I obliged and sat down, setting her on my lap. I held her close and she gazed up at me happily, still trying to recover from her playful torture. She hugged me and nuzzled her face against my belly, messing up her bright yellow mane and getting her little unicorn horn to tickle me as usual. After a moment, she looked like she just remembered something, and spoke up.
"Mommy, mommy, I made you a picture! Come see!" She hopped off my lap and ran out of the room, and I soon heard the clopping of her hooves in the kitchen. I glanced over to the yellow pony inquisitively, who only looked back at me with a grin. I saw that her typical prim, curly orange mane was a bit unkempt. I guessed that they must have been playing together all day.
"Wait 'til you see it...!" Carrot remarked excitedly, starting to leave the room as well. I exited and followed her through the hallway, entering the living room again and turning left to go into the kitchen. My hooves clopped noisily on the tile floor as I went in, and I noticed that my roommate stopped in front of the refrigerator at the other side of the room, beckoning me over. Dinky ran over to me from the dining table, having taken a piece of paper into her mouth, although it was backwards. Carrot picked it up and turned it around so that I was able to see it.
The picture made me gasp with surprise and shock; it was a little drawing in crayon of the three of us with joyful faces holding hooves together in Carrot's garden in the backyard. She even drew flowers and the apple tree and carrots... It was so amazingly detailed, I couldn't help but wonder if her special talent was art! I smiled wide, tears forming in my eyes.
"Mommy, what's wrong?" Dinky said, having noticed my crying. I glanced over to her, seeing her look up at me with a concerned expression. Wiping my eyes with a sniffle, I shook my head. Leaning down a bit, I picked her up and sat on the floor so I could hug her to me tight, nuzzling our cheeks together.
"I love it so much, Dinky... and I love you."
"Aw, mommy..." I could tell she was pretty embarrassed, but she hugged me back, returning my gesture quietly. "Love you too, mommy..." Carrot placed the drawing on the counter next to the refrigerator and stepped over to us, seeming to get a little emotional as well.
"Group hug!" she exclaimed, joining our embrace at my side and squeezed us together. After a moment, she let go and looked at me with a spark in her eye. "I love both of you, too!" She smiled and I returned a thankful expression. Stepping out of the kitchen, I looked back at my daughter, motioning a hoof for her to follow me into the living room. I laid down on my back on the sofa, and she climbed on top of me. Carrot followed us soon afterward, watching Dinky with a smile.
"What did you do today, Dinky?" I said, rubbing her mane.
"Me and Carrot played games, and then we went to the store! And, and, we bought lots and lots of stuff for dinner!" As I had predicted, my roommate went out of her way for me again, due to the hospital visit today. I was lucky to have such a great friend that didn't hesitate to do what she could to make me feel better. Glancing over to Carrot, I gave her an appreciative grin as she smiled back at me. Suddenly, Dinky spoke up out of the blue.
"Mommy, how come you said I had to stay home today?" The room was filled with an awkward silence as she said that, making the smiles on all of our faces fade. I looked over to my roommate sadly, and she cantered off to leave the room, giving Dinky and I some privacy. Turning my attention back to her, she looked down at me with curiosity, and I could tell she noticed the atmosphere change. A heartfelt sigh left my muzzle, and I gathered my thoughts for a moment, figuring out what to say.
"...Dinky, I wanted you to stay home today because I wanted to bring you with me to the hospital." I felt a bit flustered as I spoke those words, as my heartbeats became more frequent, making me wonder if she could feel it. She merely kept staring at me, curious as can be.
"Am I sick, mommy?" she said quietly, her words striking a chord within me. I shook my head gloomily, knowing the question she was going to ask next. "Are you sick?" I didn't want to answer, as if speaking out loud would make it any worse. I simply nodded slowly after a few moments, making her look a little sad, but no less confused. "You don't look sick, mommy..." Shaking my head, I began to get emotional, but I choked back my tears and breathed out another sigh.
"It's... it's complicated, Dinky." I rubbed the top of her head gently, brushing through her scruffy gold mane with a hoof. "Remember all the times when I've had to leave to go run errands, about every couple months? And I never said what they were?" She nodded, waiting for me to continue. "Well... All those times, I went to go to the hospital..." The look on her face turned to one of worry. I could only imagine what was going through her head.
"...Why are you crying, mommy?" my filly remarked softly. I blinked and felt tears roll down my cheeks. I hadn't realized that I was, so I wiped them away and tried to speak again.
"It's... I want you to come with me this time. It's really important that you see why I go there a few times every year, Dinky..." I really didn't want to explain it to her myself; it would be easier for me to simply show her if we go to the hospital. Hugging her close to me, my hoof rubbed her back as I sniffled, her puzzled eyes still gazing at me. I had tried to calm down a bit so I wouldn't worry her just then, and I forced out a fake smile.
I let her go, setting her on the floor and getting off the couch. Looking down at her a moment, I walked back into the kitchen, stepping over to the counter to gaze at the picture she drew of the three of us. The sight of it lifted my spirits once more. We were like a little family... Just as she entered the kitchen after me, I had a sudden idea to help all of us feel a little better after what was going to happen.
"Dinky, I'm gonna put this right on the fridge, so we can all see it every time we get something to eat, okay?" I looked down at her and smiled, her face returning a gleeful expression. This, I was certain, would definitely cheer me up when I needed it, and I believed Carrot would feel the same. I took the sheet of paper and carried it over to the refrigerator door, holding it flat as I slid a carrot magnet onto it. With a slight tilt adjustment, I stepped back and stared at the marvel with a bright grin. My daughter smiled, having approved of the idea. However, in a moment she walked over to me with a worried look again, seeming to have something on her mind.
"Mommy, are you sure I can't go to school today? Miss Cheerilee said we were gonna do something really fun...!" There were still a few hours of class left at the time. I knew she would be wondering about their special activity they were doing at school at the end of the day, so I alleviated her unease.
"You don't gotta worry, Dinky. When I talked to Miss Cheerilee earlier, she said she wouldn't want to start unless everypony was there. You'll be able to tomorrow." She tilted her head and asked me an expected question.
"Promise?"
"I promise, Dinky," I assured. Dinky gave a relieved sigh and beamed up at me. I'm so glad to have her as my daughter... It made what I was going to show her at the hospital all the more difficult. My head turned to look at the clock above the kitchen table; I blinked and leaned forward a little as it seemed a little blurry for some reason. The appointment was in twenty minutes... I figured I might as well start making my way over there, and this time, my daughter will be with me.
"It's almost time for my appointment..." I spoke out as if there were nopony around, but having Dinky helped to relieve some of my anxiety. "Dinky, can you get your foal carrier? We'll fly over there," I said while trying to keep calm.
"'Kay!" Glancing back down at her, I saw she was happy to trot out of the kitchen to go back to her room. She loved to ride in her carrier with me. As she left, I took one last look at the picture on the fridge, my eyes watering again. At least it will be a lasting memory... I left the kitchen and came into the living room, making my way over to the front door to wait for Dinky. In just a moment, I saw her stepping backwards out of the hallway, dragging her carrier along the ground by a strap. I smiled at the endearing way she brought it over and waited for her to reach me.
"Here, mommy!" she shouted. I knelt down to put the bag on, slipping the straps around my shoulders, then awaited Dinky's part. She hopped onto my back and slid into the carrier, hind legs dangling through the appropriate holes.
"Are you good?" I asked, looking around her as best I could to double-check. I wiggled around to test that she was secure.
"I'm ready, mommy." When I was sure she was safe, I smiled at her, pushing the front door open. I spun my head back to call out into the house.
"We're leaving, Carrot!" In just a few seconds she came from the hallway, seeing us ready to go. Her expression was sad, but caring as she stepped up to me.
"It'll be okay, Derpy. Don't forget, I'm here if you need to talk, okay?" I faced her and looked down; she really was my best friend. Carrot moved forward and hugged me tight, which I reciprocated. We broke the hug and stared at each other for a moment with brief forced smiles; I then turned towards the exit and walked outside, after which she shut the door.
"...Ready, Dinky?" I said, glancing back at her, and she seemed to be no less confused about what to expect when we get there.
"Uh-huh." My wings flared out and I flapped them gently first as usual, so that I wouldn't make takeoff too uncomfortable for her. I hovered into the sky at an increasing pace until I was above the many houses of the village, the light breeze fluttering my mane. Seeking the direction of the hospital, I nodded to myself as I pinpointed it, and began gliding my way over. Dinky seemed to be enjoying herself, greeting and waving at other pegasi passing by with a smile. I haven't been taking her out to fly too often, I thought. I'll have to fix that, while I still can.
Glancing back at my little passenger one last time, I contemplated again over whether I really should bring her, but I knew that I would have to tell her eventually. I'm already this far, I may as well continue, I thought to myself. I asked myself time and time again if it was necessary: Did she deserve to know? How will it affect her? How can I dump all of this onto such a little filly? I realized I had to; she would be alone and lost, otherwise. I didn't want to put anypony through what I had been through, especially my daughter. To show her what happens was what must be done, or she wouldn't understand... Just like I didn't.
Soon, we were near the hospital, hovering above the road between a bunch of trees. I let myself down to the dirt path, landing as gently as possible, and looked back to make sure Dinky didn't fall off or anything. She was still there, beaming at me, having enjoyed the trip. I gave a smile back to her and faced forward again, the doors to the hospital being a dozen pony lengths away. I started a light canter down the path.
It was quiet here. The cool wind was audible as it blew at the trees, the browning leaves falling like snow here and there. Crunching sounds from beneath my hooves filled the air as I stepped along the unending path. I must have been extremely anxious for everything to stand out as much as it did, without even trying to pay much attention to it all. It didn't help my nerves that there was nopony around...
Eventually, I found myself in front of the double doors, the hospital looming over me for what seemed like miles. I gazed up for a few seconds before taking in a deep breath and exhaling, pushing the door open and walking inside. I was greeted by the smell of disinfectant and an empty waiting room. The allergy season was over, so the hospital was much less crowded with serious cases and overreactions alike. The blue tile floor was spotless, the ivory white walls and ceiling complementing the calm, orderly look of the interior. A familiar blue unicorn nurse was sitting at the reception desk at the end of the room, taking care of random business such as paperwork and filing. I stepped up to the counter reluctantly, my hoofsteps seeming to echo off the walls, and she turned to face me as I approached.
"Oh, Derpy, you're right on time. You know where, right?" she said with care in her tone. I nodded, taking the chained pen on the countertop and signing my name on the notepad. Glancing up at the clock above the nurse, I copied the time down as well: Ten minutes to the appointment. I breathed out another sigh of anxiety as I turned and made my way down the main hallway, trying my best to ignore any ill passersby and patient rooms.
"Mommy, are you here to get better?" Dinky chimed in all of a sudden, making me almost jump in surprise. I had forgotten that she was with me, my usual visits being filled with loneliness. Despite that, it took me an inordinately long time to respond to her. I didn't look back.
"...Yes, Dinky." In a way, I was right; I was here to give myself more of a peace of mind than anything. I knew what she meant by that question, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth, not yet. Keeping silent out of my fears, I turned a corner, the cold hallways being almost as empty as the lobby. After a little more walking, a sign up above labeled the area that I needed to be: the psychiatric ward, or more commonly known as the mental ward.
"Dinky, stay in your carrier, okay?" I whispered, being cautious. It was not a good place to be. The number of orderlies active were always higher at the ward, and for good reason. As I passed the various doors, I could hear manic mumbling and some thudding noises.
"Mm-hmm..." she said quietly, snuggling closer to me for protection. She had to have been feeling a bit scared, I thought, so I picked up the pace to get to where I needed to be without having Dinky's thoughts linger on.
Soon, I could see both a green and a white pony up ahead: A familiar doctor and her assistant, a young mare, waited by my destination, two large guards at the sides of the door I needed to be. The doctor was a long-time family one; I trusted her with a lot, and all of this I couldn't do without her. Her orange eyes turned attention from the clipboard she was levitating and looked towards me as I approached.
"Oh, Derpy, there you are," my doctor said to me with a caring smile. "...I see you brought your daughter along?" She gave a cautionary, critical expression towards me after seeing Dinky, but didn't say anything about it. I was free to bring her if I wanted, and I needed to, despite the doctor's previous urgings to convince me otherwise. Her gaze went to the clipboard for a few moments as she took a few things down with a pen, and then moved it over to her assistant who looked it over.
"Looks like we're ready, here. Go on inside," the young white nurse stated, gesturing towards the metal door. I stood in front of it, breathing deep to calm myself. After what seemed like an eternity of bracing, I pushed down on the lever and swung open the heavy gateway.
"Oh, look who it is! Come to see us again, eh!?" a pony exclaimed from within. I stepped inside of the soft and padded white room, leaving the door open a crack. "Looky, Loosy! Lil' sis came to visit! Heheh... Looky-loo. Get it? Teehee..." My sisters sat at the far corners wearing white straitjackets, the pink, talkative one sitting up with her back to the wall on the left. Loosy was laying down on her belly near the other corner, snickering at the joke; I noticed she was muzzled again. I looked between them with a concerned expression, at a loss for words, and nodded silently. As usual, they appeared downtrodden, their faces a bit worn-out and coats a mess, but the sight of me seemed to cheer them up.
"So, sis, how's the outside world treatin' ya? Still workin' the mail route? Tell big sis Bally all about it!" She rolled over onto her side to face me, still leaning awkwardly against the wall. Her purple and white mane lacked most of its natural curls; it was clear she wasn't taking care of her appearance as much any more. I forced a smile, trying to think of what to say.
"It's... nice. Everything's... fine," I said shakily. Bally gave me an unsatisfied expression. I could never concentrate while I was around them, for more reasons than one... She craned her neck to look behind me, seeming interested. Suddenly, she hopped up on her hind legs and walked over to me, looking around my back. I always thought it was strange that she was able to walk like that, but she had been at the hospital for quite a while...
"So, this must be your filly you’ve talked about before! She looks just like ya! 'Cept purply. And a unicorn." I whipped my head around to follow her as she stepped around me, examining my daughter. "Hiya, lil' filly! What's your name?"
"I'm... I'm Dinky," she squeaked, and I could hear the slight discomfort in her voice; Dinky must have been a little scared. I was beginning to feel that it wasn't such a great idea to bring her.
"Heya, Dinky! I'm your Auntie Bally, and that's your Auntie Loosy!" She tilted her head over as she noted my sky blue sister's name, and Loosy replied with a shrill barking noise. "You should come visit us, too! Maybe you could even meet our daughters, your cousins!" I knew that my sisters meant well, but I wasn't sure I could trust them with Dinky just yet. I considered the option for maybe when she got older, maybe going with Carrot. I didn't want to say anything about that just then, though. My pink sister gave me a stern expression after a moment.
"Sis," she snorted, "why'd you bring her, anyways? She's a tyke, you're gonna traumatize the poor filly in this place!" I was taken aback by that fact, looking back at Dinky who seemed a bit worried. I doubt my own concerned face at the time helped her mood, and I was continuing to regret bringing her.
"B-Bally, I had to bring her," I stuttered, "y-you know what happened with... Mom..." Both of my sisters flinched at her name as I stared downward, my reminder having broken all of our spirits. My sisters looked at each other for a moment, before Bally stepped forward and leaned on my left shoulder, nuzzling the side of my head. Loosy stood up as well, wobbling over to us, and did the same to my right. I brought up and wrapped my forelegs around the two of them, squeezing tight, our shared pain being what we most had in common.
As I sniffled, they broke the hug and Loosy went back to sitting against the wall, flicking her gray mane out of her depressed face. I wished she were able to speak.
"Don't worry, sis... I guess ya are doing the right thing by tellin' her," Bally proclaimed sadly. "Even you were just a tiny filly back then, when-- you know." She stopped herself before she said it, her eyes glancing at my daughter. I closed my eyes, trying to push away the memory... Our mother's condition, the same as ours, getting worse as we aged, until one day it was too much for her to bear... My oldest sister in the corner looked saddened as she remembered, too, and Bally had realized her words had changed the atmosphere.
"No matter what happens, stay with your momma, Dinky," she commanded, leaning over and petting my daughter's head with her chin for a moment. As I glanced back, I could see Dinky's expression of worried confusion again, but she expressed a tiny smile from the awkward affection. I didn't look forward to when we needed to leave, as I knew I had to explain everything in detail to her afterward.
Tiring of being sad, Bally shook her head with a deep breath and tried to change the subject, so she, too, wouldn't linger on. Leaning towards me a little, she spoke softly into my ear, her composure having changed.
"So, uh, lil' sis, how about bustin' us outta here, already? We've been talkin' and we know you can do it..." Her misaligned violet irises were shifting side to side as she spoke, as if worried about somepony listening; my eyes darted back to the door for just a second. I sighed and didn't reply, to which she continued trying to convince me.
"You could get us outta here lickety-split!" she exclaimed. "I know ya wanted us to be taken care of, but we're all better now, really!" I hung my head to the side, breaking eye contact. Everything that she was saying, it made me even more depressed. "I know how strong ya are, you can knock orderlies around like ping-pong balls... and even fly us to your house! Whaddaya say, hmmmmm...?" My heart began to pound through my chest. There was no way I could do that, and yet I didn't stand up to them. I stayed silent and closed my eyes in hopelessness.
"Derpy...! Derpy!" Bally's tone was becoming irritated. I opened my eyes and turned to face her sadly, and she gave me a crooked smile.
"I... I can't," I whimpered, "Bally, I can't..." Her face dropped immediately, as if she were betrayed by the pony most dearest and closest to her. Right then, that pony was me. Bally was shaking a bit, and I could see Loosy sitting up, her eyes beginning to show signs of anger.
"S-so... Lil' sis doesn't wanna help, eh? Doesn't wanna help family, thinks she's so great 'cause she's younger, 'cause she thinks she's sane..." Water had begun to well in my eyes as Bally circled me again, criticizing me. The patronizing glare she had was piercing my heart. "Oh, they're just crazy, leave them where they won't bother anypony else! Nopony needs to worry about those Screwy Sisters!" I could feel the warm tears rolling down my cheeks; bringing up the old, derogatory nickname was unexpected, and threw me for an emotional loop.
"I can see it in your eyes, Derpy!" she blurted out, stopping close in front of me and peering into my face, the volume of her voice rising. "News flash, you're almost the same, you know!" My head hung low, her aggressive speech beginning to get to me. She looked straight at Dinky, who I could feel was shaking in her carrier. Loosy had started to scoot towards us, growling.
"And her! I bet she doesn't know, eh? Did you tell her!? Huh!?" My sister was beginning to yell at this point. The mention of Dinky made me reclaim some of my senses, causing me to gasp and step back slowly, staring at her with my soaked eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything as she faced me again, continuing to move into my personal space.
"WELL!? HUH!?" Bally's loudness and aggression seemed to have alerted the outside, the door suddenly swinging all of the way open behind me. Two stallion orderlies and the nurse from before blazed past to apprehend her, only aggravating her mood; I saw my other sister retreat back into the corner at the sight of them. Backstepping more as Bally struggled against being held down and sedated, I then turned around and galloped out of the room. I couldn't watch.
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE HERE! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE HERE!" she bellowed ferociously as I ran down the hall, tears streaming down my face, obscuring my vision. I had crashed into several carts and ponies as I made my way back to the entrance, but I couldn't feel them over the emotional fallout I had just gone through. I only kept running, to get away from the pain.
I had burst through the exit, staggering off to the side of the path. Collapsing in the grass, I began to sob uncontrollably into my forelegs, not knowing when it would stop. It happened nearly every time, and yet I kept coming back. I felt sorry. I felt guilty. I felt hopeless. I wanted them to know that they weren't alone, but each visit, I just seemed to make it worse for all of us. The days when I was little, when we were a happy family; I missed it. It was all torn away the day our mother had left us, and there was nothing we could have done...
"Mommy... Mommy, please stop crying, mommy..." An angelic voice spoke to me from the darkness, and I could feel two tiny hooves nudging at my cheek. Opening my eyes and resting my head on its side, I saw my daughter looking down at me rather distressed, tears in her own eyes. It must have been difficult for her to see me like that. With a sniffle, I wiped at my tears, spreading them all over my face. I looked around, not having paid attention to how I ended up here. It was still empty and calm, a stark contrast to how I had felt. I stared at Dinky with a blank expression, and blinked a bit before I felt I could speak.
"I... I'm okay, Dinky," I said rather hoarse, sitting up from where I was laying. Having my daughter around helped to calm me down; I wasn't sure what I would do without her. "L-let's... Let's go home..." After looking at me with hesitation, she climbed onto my back and slipped into the carrier again. I stood up straight when she was secure, taking off into the air and heading home.
The flight back seemed to have been quicker than going, since I had found myself almost passing my house. I set down and headed inside, kneeling down for Dinky to step off, and shut the door with a hind leg. Trotting over to the living room couch and slumping myself onto it, I needed a rest after such a tearful event.
"Mommy... What's wrong, mommy...?" That consoling voice had brought me back to my senses again. I glanced over and saw Dinky standing in front of the couch, just at my side. I sat up on the cushion and moved down to pick her up, setting her in my lap and leaning back. My hoof brushed at my daughter's mane as I thought to myself, staring down at her. It was time to explain. I knew I couldn't keep up holding it back from her any longer; she was smarter than that.
"Dinky, I... I love you," I said shakily, "and I have to tell you something..." She gazed up at me curiously as I saw something yellow and orange out of the corner of my eye. A concerned Carrot came out of the hallway, walking towards the couch, and sat down on the other side. I always told her that I wanted time alone after visiting the hospital, but she had always made me talk to her anyway.
"My sisters, they have some... mental problems, that's why they're in the hospital," I stated, trying to hold back my sadness for just this moment. She stared up at me sadly, taking in everything I was saying. "The first sign something was wrong... Their..." I paused for a moment out of hesitation, my breaths getting uneven. "...Their eyes started to drift apart, like one eye wouldn't look in the right direction." I seemed to have gotten both Dinky's and even Carrot's attention at this point, and the revelation was beginning to make me emotional. Tears were coming to me again.
"They weren't always like that though, and we were all really happy ponies... But their eyes looked away from each other more and more, and they got more clumsy and forgot stuff, a-and then go crazy..." Dinky's eyes widened, as she seemed to understand.
"M-mommy," she whimpered, "a-are you like them...?" My lip was quivering. I could feel my cheeks getting a fresh layer of warm tears as I blinked. It took me a long time, but I nodded silently. Her big orange eyes began to water at the realization, and I glanced over at Carrot who was experiencing the same thing. I was a bit surprised that my roommate hadn't conceived that until I mentioned it, as she's visited them with me in the past.
"Almost all the mares in my family get like that," I said quietly. "My mommy... She had it too. Me and my sisters never knew until she said she was sorry and told us one day, a-and then the day after, we found her..." I bit my lip and pressed a hoof to my forehead. I didn't want to go back to when I saw her that day; it was too painful. Relaxing after a little breathing, I continued. "She loved us a lot, though, just like I love you... and I didn't want you to go through life without you knowing..." Dinky's tears ran down her face as she listened closely, taking in everything I was saying.
"A-anyway, I'm okay right now," I mumbled, rubbing some of her tears away. "But I dunno how long it'll be until it gets really bad..." I hugged her close to me, the next thing I was going to say making my heart heavy.
"When... that happens, I... I'll have to leave you, Dinky... I'll have to go away, too..." She immediately gasped and clung to me tight, shaking me.
"I dun want you to go, mommy...! You can get better!" My daughter wailed, only serving to make me feel even worse. I shook my head a little, rubbing her back.
"Don't worry, Dinky, C-Carrot can take care of you when I'm gone, right?" I looked over to my quiet roommate who nodded her head after a moment. She, too, had a face full of tears from my explanation.
"No, no! Mommy!" I gave her a fake smile and held her to my chest. Resting my chin on her head, I tried to gently shush her. She cried against me, sobbing her eyes out. I could feel my own tears becoming even more frequent as all of the facts hit me: I'll have to leave her. I'll never get to see her grow up to be a responsible mare. I'll never get to see her raise a family. I probably won't even recognize her on my deathbed. Carrot scooted over to us and hugged us together from the side in silence, and I leaned on her for support.
Dinky eventually ran dry, being left with periodic sniffles and heavy, irregular breaths. She looked up to me with swollen eyes, about to say something; there was a hint of realization in her face. When she spoke, it nearly made me freeze, causing me to shiver out of fear.
"M-mommy... Y-you said..." I knew what she was about to ask, and I quickly shushed her, holding her head to me. I didn't want to think about that. I couldn't. All I did was hug my daughter tight, never wanting to ever let go.
I closed my eyes to escape. All I could see was the picture that Dinky drew of the three of us. I wanted to stay that way, forever.
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~ Fin ~
