a day in the life of a slacker pony

by Inkwell_the_writer_horse

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Other, Original Character
Length: 2329

Comic Strip, a pony who makes comics, does drugs and generally slacks around Ponyville, this is a day in his life

Comic Strip, a pony who makes comics, does drugs and generally slacks around Ponyville, this is a day in his life. Waking up to next to a pony he barely knows with brief memories of the night before, Comic Strip goes on an epic quest to slack off and party

Edit: For the love of God, please don't read this thing, it sucks so bad. I don't know what I was thinking but, man this thing sucks!

Published 2013-11-12 19:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-14 04:12:00 UTC

"good morning Ponyville"

"good morning Ponyville"

It was a normal day in Equestria, that quickly became a normal afternoon before Comic Strip woke up, the mattres beneath him creaked and bounced as he rolled over and just barely opened his eyes, his bright green mane obstructing his vision, until he brushed it to one side with his right hoove. He was startled to find a purple, female pony attempting to creep out of his bedroom. Comic Strips mouth worked faster. than his brain, some would attribute this to his consistent use, and prolonged exposure to mind altering drugs, like poison joke and Pinkie Pies own triple strength cupcakes, but, the truth was, Comic Strip was always a slow thinker and a fast talker, it was one of the things people loved about him. Comic strip called out to the familiar pony without a single thought "BERRY!"

Her body stiffened in suprise, she lowered her head in frustration and sighed "Hi, Strip" Her voice sounded irritated "Look, it's been fun, really, you're a great friend, but that's it, I'm sorry but..." Berry couldn't finish her sentence.

This wasn't the first awkward morning after break-up Comic Strip had endured, he know the procedure "It's fine, we had fun, we really did, but we both knew it wouldn't last."

Berry Punch smiled and replied with a much more upbeat "You're right, it was fun. OH, I almost forgot, Vinyl's throwing a party at her place later, will I see you there?"

Comic Strip thought briefly, Vinyl Scratch is Equestrias most famous DJ, ponies like her are the reason that the rural town of Ponyville got so much attention from the elite of Canterlot and Manehattan, and her parties reflected this fact, ponies came from all over to attend vinyls concerts, but anyone who attends these concerts would know it's less about the music and more about copious amounts of alcohol and making a fool of yourself, and Comic Strip loved to make a complete fool of himself. He replied with a sly smirk "definitley"

Berry Punch smiled and trotted out of Comic strips house after saying her goodbye "well, I'll see ya then." Comic Strip stared at Berry's flank as it moved up and down, putting him in a trance. When Comic Strip heard the door shut, he knew he was finally alone.

He contemplated what to do and thought to himself "what now? the party isn't for another nine hours and I'm bored."He considered his options: rent a book from the libary? Get some brunch from sugarcube corner?Comic Strip slumped in his bed and let out a sigh, followed by a solitary curse "BUCK."

With nothing else to pass the time Comic Strip decided he'd do some actuall work, he sat at his drawing board and began brainstormig ideas for his comic strip. Comic Strip is Ponyvilles resident comic writer and artist, he made 50 bits for each comic strip he sold to the Ponyville gazzette, although the comics in the paper were published under an alias, Comic Strip was a celebrity in the underground comic scene with his self published, long running dark comedy series "parasprites and happines". Comic Strip stared at his drawing board, jotting down, and then scribbling out half developed ideas. He grew frustrated at his lack of inspiration, creative constipation, he called it.

He was unphased to see the mail crash through his window. Comic Strip slowly trotted over to the grey and yellow mail mare "Hey Derpy, what's cracking?" Derpy Hooves fluttered her wings in excitement as she came to her hooves and began to yell out "I'm great, I was just delivering the mail, y'know the Cakes got a new cradle, did you know they're pregnant? Well, just ms. Cake, not mr. Cake, boys can't get pregnant, that's silly, y'know what else is silly? Pinkie Pie got a new prank set, she's such a silly pony, y'know who else is a silly pony? Applejack, she just got a big-"

"DERPY" Comic Strip swiftly interrupted "why are you here?"

Derpy handed Comic Strip a letter and replied "Just this, well, it's been fun, but I gotta go, see ya Strip!" Derpy zoomed out the window bringing with her Comic Strips blanket and the Equestria flag on his wall. Comic Strip examined the letter Derpy had left in his hoof, it was just the kind of letter he was hoping to see on this kind of day, it read:

Got joke, bring bits-bong hit.

"Short and sweet", Comic Strip thought to himself. He placed his latest, unopened paycheck in his saddle bag before placing the bag on his back. He looked through the gaping hole where his window once was, he looked over everything, the train station, sweet apple acres, the libary, sugarcube corner, Cloudsdale and Canterlot in the distance and quietly whispered to himself "good morning Ponyville"

your friendly neighbourhood drug dealer

your friendly neighbourhood drug dealer

Comic Strip began his journey to meet with his oldest and only real friend, Bong Hit. The two ponies had been friends since they were colts growing up in Fillydelphia together, but when Comic Strip had decided to move to Ponyville to seek out a better life for himself Bong Hit didn't follow, choosing, instead life of crime, running errands and odd jobs for the Equestria mafia, still most of the time, Bong Hits trade would bring him to Ponyville, collecting poison joke from the everfree forest and selling the ground up leaves as a hallucinogen to the seedier residents of Ponyville, including his long time friend, Comic Strip.

Comic Strip finally made it to the back alley sugar cube corner where Bong Hit was inconspicuously standing by an indstrial size dumpster.The ponies coat was dark brown with a long, straightened, red mane. His green, squinting eyes darted around the back alley, nervously, before locking onto Comic Strip "Dude, you made it." Bong Hit greeted his friend with a bro hoof

"Yea, I got the bits, wanna come back to my place and share a bowl?"

It might as well have been a rhetorical question, the answer was obvious, without skipping a beat Bong Hit replied "BUCK YEA, dude lets go." The journey home seemed quicker now, In no time at all the two ponies were in a smoke filled room, the whites of their eyes now a glassy shade of pink or a light purple. "Dude, y'know what we need?" asked Bong Hit

"what?" inquired Comic Strip

"videogames." Bong Hit answered

"Dude, lets go hang out at the arcade, I bet Button Mash'll be there, too. It'll be awesome." Comic Strips idea was quickly shot down by Bong Hit

"You mean go out in public while we're high? We'd get caught instantly, and what is it with you and that kid, are you a filly fiddler?"

Comic Strip was quick to defend himself "Dude, too far." Bong Hit began to laugh to himself, soon after, Comic Strip joined him and within seconds, both ponies erupted into fits of laughter. Later, when the ponies began to come down from their highs Bong Hit left to catch his train back to Fillydelphia while Comic Strip was distracted by the pattern on his wall.

When Comic Strip finally came down from his high he wasn't suprised to find Bong Hit was nowhere to be found, Comic Strip always did have a tendency for elongated periods of being high, and Bong Hit had to make his way back to Fillydelphia, before sundown, or the Equestrian guard would search him, Celestia always was suspicious of ponies who operated under the light of the moon.

Comic Strip checked his clock, four hours until Vinyl Scratchs party. realising he would only need an hour to prepare for the party, Comic Strip found himself right back where he'd started, in his bed, bored.He considered his options: rent a book from the libary? Get some brunch from sugarcube corner?Comic Strip slumped in his bed and let out a sigh.

He used a levitation spell to pull a book from under his bed, it was tattered and torn, with yellowed pages. The book was called "making comics for fillies and colts" It was an instructional book. He had had it since he was a young colt, a gift from the father he never knew. He quickly threw the book to the other side of the room out of anger, painful memories came rushing back.

"I need a drink." Comic Strip growled to himself before glancing at his wall mounted clock. "guess I'm gonna be early." He turned out his lights and made his way outside, the sun was setting, it's place in the sky lower than when Comic Strip had come out before, the time went by too quickly for his liking, but at least it made the wait for the party more bareable.

Comic Strip looked out at Ponyville, and his objective became clear: head to Vinyls place, get wasted, somehow make it back to my own bed by morning, preferably with blitzed mare.

Déjà vu

Comic strip approached a large, three story structure on the outskirts of Ponyville. The building was the home of renowned DJ Vinyl Scratch and her partner, cellist of the royal Canterlot orchestra, Octavia Melody. It was unusual for a party like this to be held in Vinyl Scratchs own home as Octavia would adamently object to her home being the stage for a "display of complete lack of self control." But Octavia would be gone for awhile, the grand galloping gala was fast approaching and it just made more sense for Octavia to remain in canterlot for her rehearsals.

To Comic Strips shock the party was already in full swing, ponies already being told they'd had enough, despite their objections. Comic Strip instinctively made his way to the dining table, now a makeshift bar. He scanned the bar, a collage of assorted beverages, mostly alchoholic, and the ones that weren't would surely be mixed with something that was. Below the end of the bar resided a large crate, filled with ice and bottles of hard cider. Comic Strip picked up a bottle of the hard cider, as to not look out of place. He gave the bottle a quizzical look, realizing that he wouldn't be able to remove this cap by hoof, he went to search for a bottle opener, but he didn't make it far before being intercepted by a familiar purple, female pony.

"HEY! I knew you'd make it, strip!" Her words were loud and slurred, and her stance was that of a mare who'd far too much to drink.

"Told ya I would, hey, have you seen a bottle opener anywhere?" Comic Strip asked, not wanting to be the sober half of the conversation.

"Honey, I am a bottle opener" She snatched the bottle from his hooves and removed the cap with her teeth.

"Wow, I'm, uh, impressed?" Comic Strip said as he raised an eyebrow.

"C'mere, sexy!" Berry aggressively slurred out as she threw her hoof behind Comic Strips neck and passionately kissed him. Comic Strip wriggled and squirmed to free himself of the drunken mares loving embrace. After over a minute of Berrys drunken love Comic Strip finally managed to pull away.

Comic Strip chuckled as he placed his hoof on berrys shoulder "I think you've had enough."

"Ta drink?" Berry replied, swaying side to side, giving Comic Strip a quizzical look.

"No, of me. Ya gotta give the other mares in here a chance, babe." Replied Comic Strip, feeling slightly intoxicated after tasting the array of alchohol that adorned Berry Punchs lips.

She stimbled backwards and yelled "BUCK THIS, LETS DANCE, STRIP"

Comic Strip took a large gulp of his hard cider and began to dance next to Berry Punch, completely disregarding the last thing he said, swaying his flank from side to side and nodding his head to the electronic music filled the large room.

Comic Strip was lost in a haze of dubstep and alcohol. He was pulled into a small table, opposite Berry Punch. Comic Strip wasn't suprised to find two shot glasses and a bottle of some sort of hard liquor in Berrys hooves. She gave him a seductive smile before slurring out "Shots?"

Comic Strip gave a nod in agreement as a smirk came across his face "Shots."

As Berry slid a shot glass over to Comic Strip as he finished his bottle of hard cider with an unrelenting swig untill every last drop of liquid was vacant from the bottle.

Berry Punch poured the brown liquid into her shot glass, overflowing the glass and spilling it on the table, she did the same to Comic Strips glass. The two ponies steadied themselves as they prepared to swallow the strong alcohol in one brief motion. After they had both reeled from the bitter taste of the small amount of brown liquid, no longer in their glasses, they poured more of the liquid and had another shot, then another, and another, and another until the memory of the night became a blur.

Comic Strip awoke in his bed, his throbbing head wouldn't allow him to recall the previous night. He sat up straight in his bed, surveying the area around him, he had, somehow, managed to get home. He rested his head on his headboard and let out a sigh of relief. He felt hooves cling around his waist and the unfamiliar warmth of somepony nuzzling into him. He wasn't suprised to find Berry punch next to him, still asleep, the smile on her face indicating she was dreaming sweet dreams. Comic Strip held his head high, staring at his ceiling as he stroked Berry Punchs mane with his hoof and thought to himself, this was the best kind of Déjà vu.

Author's Note

I may have written that last part under the influence of "Vinyl and Octavia: university days" I hope you all enjoyed the story and check back later for more.