The Mane Six Observe Humans

by Ziggy05

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9035

Celestia sends the mane six into the human world to research humans. Hilarity ensues.

The human worlds a very strange place. Theres a lot to do- they have some very weird songs and Twilight is still getting used to the miraculous tool called the 'internet'...

Published 2013-11-13 06:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-07 17:35:18 UTC

Television?

As the mane six entered the room, Pinkiepie immediately begun to bounce on their queen size bed. Rarity was busy unpacking their luggage and Applejack had left muddy tracks on the carpet all the way up to the kitchen. Fluttershy seemed afraid of the large cubical box in the centre of the room and Rainbow Dash was pounding it with a fist.

"Girls!" Twilight screamed, but nopony took any notice. She growled in fustration. "Girls! If you don't want to listen you can miss out on this incredibly important fact that I'm about to share with you!" The five ponies looked up. Twilight let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. Celestia has sent us to this world for a research mission, not to act like a bunch of monkeys! She's cast a spell on us that will let us retain our horns and wings but normal folk here don't use magic or fly-

"Boo!"

Twilight glared at Rainbow Dash. "-So we need to keep them concealed. This means wearing hats and possibly even jumpers for full security in public. We'll be remaining here here for three months- that's when the portal reopens. Until then, I expect everypony to comply to protocol."

"Prota-what?" Rainbow Dash stared at Twilight inquisitively.

"Protocol!" Twilight groaned. "It means a set of mandatory requirements set by the superior command?"

The mane six blinked blankly at Twilight. "Sense when were you 'superior?'" Rainbowdash snapped. "I'm way awesomer then you."

"Well, regarding that you can't even spell awesome-" Twilight groaned. "Look, just forget it. Its not important. Its just a list of rules you need to obey. Celestia's orders."

The mane six nodded silently take for Rainbow Dash who rolled her eyes and returned to punching the black box. "What are you doing Rainbow Dash?" Pinkiepie asked, giggling. "Why are you punching in that black box like that?"

"I don't know what she's doing." Fluttershy squeaked, "Its really scary though. I do wish she'd stop..."

"I've been trying to turn this television on for eons now!" Rainbowdash sighed. "Nothings working. I've tried fiddling with the buttons on that square black thingy with all the buttons, I've tried pressing the buttons on that disc tray, its ridiculous."

Twilight widened her eyes, surprised that out of all of her friends, Rainbow Dash was the one who knew what a human TV was. "Well Rainbow, its simple. All you need to do is recalibrate the source of chemical energy being output by the external playing device. Then you put force on the marked point located parallel to the vocalization control knobs and wave length alternator buttons."

Rainbow Dash looked flabbergasted. She rubbed her eyes and shook her head, as if trying to shake off her confusion. "Come again?" She said.

Pinkiepie giggled and pressed the power button on the disc tray. "Silly filly," she said, pushing the 'on' button. "You simply have to turn it on!"

Rainbow Dash face palmed. "W-wait a second. I only had to push those two buttons and I could have saved myself all this time? This is so not cool..." She groaned.

Rarity came up and sat (elegantly) on the couch. "Well, look on the bright side darling. At least now we get to see some human television!"

"Heh, thats true I guess." Rainbowdash shrugged.

"Ooh, I'm so excited!" Twilight squeed. She magically levitated a notebook and pen into her human palms. "I can't wait to take notes. Theres gonna be so much information that one can get on culture and society and the kind of things going on in their world!" Her friends rolled her eyes.

"Rainbowdash grabbed the remote from the bottom of the couch. "Now, because I was the first pony to try and start the TV, I'll pick the first thing we watch, got it?" She pressed a button and the screen flickered.

"Hey, no fair!" PInkiepie complained. "I turned the box on!"

"I think I should get to choose," Rarity snorted. "I'm the only pony here who could actually choose something couthe for us all to watch. You five would choose something roudy and chaotic..."

"Um... yeah! Try fun?" Rainbow Dash pouted. "Besides, anything i chose would be twenty percent cooler then anything you five could come up with!"

"Hold on just a second now! I'd love to see some human athletics. Wonder how they'd use these legs'd theirs..." Applejack patted one 'knee' curiously.

"Um... if its not too much trouble I'd love to see some human g-garden shows... the little animals would be sooo cute and-

"Yeah, it would be too much trouble!" Rainbow yelled. "The remote is mine!"

"Girls!" Twilight screamed. She put a glass bowl down on the desk. In the bowl were six little pieces of paper. "Lets take it in turns. Whoever I draw gets to pick the first channel. After we've watched one thing, I'll put their paper to the side and somepony else can draw, got it? We've got three months- more then enough time to watch a few TV shows."

The girls nodded. That was a good idea. "Five bucks says I get the draw," Rainbow Dash muttered. The five glared at her and she shut up.

Twilight Sparkle reached her hand into the bowl and picked out a piece of paper. She hoped it was herself- she'd have loved to see a human news channel. The amount of information you could gather from something as significant as that... She flattened the piece of paper out and cleared her throat. "Rarity Belle!" The entire team groaned.

The exception being Rarity, of course. "Oooh!" She let out a little squeal. "I'm going to find us a beautiful channel."

"This sucks! Why her?" Rainbow dash groaned, slouching into the couch.

"Rainbow, darling, if you don't like it you can just go somewhere else." Rarity pointed out, pressing the channel buttons on the remote.

"Fine, I'll stay. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it." Rainbow Dash grunted.

"Horrid. Horrid. Horrid. Lovely! Ah, here we go." Rarity sat eagerly on the couch. "Beautiful."

"Home decor?" Rainbow Dash snapped. "Seriously? In cloudsdale, if you want furniture you just craft it from the clouds."

"Come on, Rainbow Dash." Twilight said. She scribbled something down in her notebook. "I'm sure even cloudsdale has designers."

"Well, I've never used em', and look how awesome my house is!" Rainbow pouted. She crossed her arms and turned back to the screen.

Bob: "Hello! I'm Bob Cartney and welcome to Home Mansions! With me here today I have my associate and co-worker Mrs. Flo and today we are going to be designing the inside of Mrs. Grace's home."

Mrs: Flo: "For those of you who don't know how the show works, the owner of the house will give us a list of designs she wants in his or her home. Then, she'll leave and we have half an hour to make the house look as good as possible. The owner will then rank us on how good or bad our job is."

Bob: "With that said, lets get on with the designing! The client has left a list of instructions on their kitchen table downstairs. Lets see what they say."

Mrs. Flo: "She wants a... snake themed house?"

Bob: "Snake themed, right right... We're talking green wall papers, scaly floors, plushies and jungles people. Maybe even a few real pythons, am I right? I was thinking we could start with the wallpapers and flooring-"

Mrs Flo: "Maybe a jungle theme."

Bob: "Good idea. Then we can move onto the furniture- paint it brown and green. Then we can add a few minor details like the sink- we could turn the nozzle into a snake, or maybe the shower head."

Mrs. Flo: "I don't think the client wants a snake drooling on them."

Bob: Then I don't think they'll want to wash their dishes in snake venom, either."

"Mrs. Flo: "That'd stink."

Bob: "To get started, we're going to grab our paint brushes and head over to the hallway. Hopefully we can make quick work of this house."

"Humans find these petty jokes funny?" Rainbow Dash groaned.

"I know! Fascinating creatures, aren't they?" Twilight squealed. She scribbled down a hasty note with her 'pen' and looked eagerly at the screen. "Whats next?"

Bob: "We're back and we've finished painting the hall. Took us long enough."

Mrs. Flo: "We've still got the rest of the house to do up. I'm sweating as it is."

"UREKA!"

Everybody looked at Twilight. She blushed. "I mean, this confirms it! I had my suspicions but sweat is distinct evidence that humans are endothermic! Endothermic bipedal mammals! Amazing!"

Pinkiepie raised an eye. "Uh... do you just like speaking your mumbo jumbo to confuse us or...?"

"Shh! I'm trying to watch this!"

Bob: "Look at all these walls. We're going to need a bigger brush."

Mrs. Flo: "Definitely."

Bob: "At least its the last room. How long left on the clock?"

Mrs. Flo: "Ten minutes."

Bob: "There you are folks. We have ten minutes to spruce up the rest of the house. The walls are painted and we've got the flooring down but stay tuned until after the break where we'll finish up decorating the rest of Mrs. Grace's house and the scores will be revealed."

"Huh? Whats this?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight looked up. "Huh? Oh, that. Its an advertisement." Twilight shrugged. "They do that on television."

"Well whatever they are advertising, it looks awesome!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She pressed her eyes to the screen.

Get your Nerf gun today!

"Whats a gun?" Fluttershy asked.

Twilight shrugged. "I think its like a human weapon of some kind. We already know humans are more advanced then we are- its probably quite lethal."

Fluttershy turned white. "O-oh my... Thats horrible... They let thirteen year olds have weapons in this world?"

"Chill out guys! Its not a real gun. Its a toy." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "The real thing'd probably blast your doo-nads from here to Cloudsdale."

"Well, either way, your not getting it." Twilight said sternly. "Its not like you can bring it with you to equestria in any case. Who knows who might get hurt?"

"Aw come on, Twilight!" Rainbow groaned.

"I'd like it very much if you two stopped squabbling and paid attention. The shows starting again!" Rarity scolded. She clapped her hooves together. "Oooh- I can't wait to see how Mrs. Grace reacts!"

Bob: "We are back with Home Mansions! I'm Bob Cartney and this is Mrs. Flo and to end off, we'll be turning the sink nozzles into snakes! You got your paint brush?"

Mrs Flo: "I do."

Bob: "Then lets get ready to paint."

"Hey! Its changing!" Pinkie squealed.

"It looks like they're giving us a tutorial." Twilight squinted. "Funny how they'd do that in the middle of a show though. Theres no warning!"

Bob: "Try this at home! The first thing you'll need is a paint brush, typically. You can use any colour but for this art project, we are going to be using green and dark green with black dots for the eyes."

Mrs Flo: "First off, you want to paint the entire sink nozzle with your first color- in this case light green. Wait for it to try and then you can pattern your snake with the second color."

Bob: "Now, its important to remember that you can use any pattern for this activity. Some you may like to try at home are tiger stripes, spots, lines and even crosses but we are going to be doing triangles."

Mrs Flo: "This pattern is very simple. Using a thin brush, paint triangular shapes down the length of your snake. Leave it to dry and then you can add two black dots for the eyes. If you want to get really creative, you can obviously use other colors as well."

Bob: "Don't limit it to just your two colours, either. If your feeling imaginative, you can paint a full spectrum. Lets see how we did."

"It does look sorta like a snake, doesn't it?" Twilight said.

Bob: Now that we've painted our snake sink, we can add any last finishing touches before the owner comes home

"Why are they speeding it up?"

"I dunno, Pinkie. Maybe its a way to kill time? But that'd mean that they have a lot longer then half an hour truly to spruce up the house." Twilight put a hoof to her chin. "Hm. I'd better right all this down."

Mrs Flo: "The owner is pulling up in her car. Its time to see our score results."

Bob: "Hello Mrs. Grace- its time for you to give us your opinion on your houses makeover!"

Mrs. Grace: "I think its good. Could have been done better."

Bob: "What do you think we could have improved?"

Mrs. Grace: "The walls? Maybe the floor. I don't really like the color."

Bob: "Overall, what would your score be?"

Mrs. Grace: "Possibly a 7/10. Better luck next time."

The dialogue was finished with a few extra words and then the credits rolled. "Mrs. Grace didn't really seem to mind." Fluttershy said softly. "She didn't show emotion or anything."

"They usually choose the clients before they actually air the show and they tell them how to act and what to say," Twilight said. "That's why they say it without stammering or breaking off their lines."

"Wheres the fun in that?" Rainbowdash pouted. "If half the viewers watch for the end, it makes no sense to fake it all!"

Twilight shrugged. She pushed the bowl over and grabbed a slip with her hands. "Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes! ME! ITS ME!"

"Uh... you okay there sugarcube?" Applejack chuckled nervously.

"Yeah. I'm better then okay! Lets watch some human news!" Twilight sung. She ignored her friends groans and changed the channel.

As bushfires roll on in Australia, firefighters are worried that they wil soon get out of control. Already 30 are confirmed dead and hundreds more have had to be evacuated from-

Twilight slammed down on the channel button as Fluttershy begun to squeal. "Ah, thats better." She said. "I'm sure this new channel will be interesting."

Thousands have died in the war between-

"Goodness," Twilight mumbled. She changed the channel again. "Isn't there anything so depressing on the human news?"

Today a cat was found dead-

Fluttershy screamed. Seconds later, she fainted. "Uh," Twilight blushed. "Maybe we ought to just skip my go? Pinkiepie, why don't you go next?"

"Hey, thats no fair! Why does she get to get after you? Why not me?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll draw." She picked a third piece of paper from the bowl. "Ahem. Pinkie Pie."

"Woo hoo! Lets get this party started!" Yelled Pinkie.

"Oh, that's why." Rainbowdash mumbled.

Pinkiepie responded by patting Rainbow Dash on the head. "Don't worry, Dashie. I'm sure you'll get your go soon enough." She flickered through the channels.

My little pony...

"Uh... Pinkie..."

"Heeey, look, we're on TV!" Pinkiepie chirped.

"What? This was last Autumn. How do they know about that race? Are they spies?" Rainbowdash hissed.

Rarity and Fluttershy were slack jawed. "Does seem awful suspcious..." Applejack frowned. She narrowed her eyes at the screen.

"Does this mean they know about the pony world?" Twilight's voice begun to raise. "This means we can tell everyone where we come from! Maybe we can trade research! Perhaps we aren't the first visitors to this realm?"

Applejack rested a hand on Twilight's shoulder. "Hold on now sugarcube... we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves... it might all be a coincidence but I agree that we can't be sure."

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" Fluttershy squealed, who had just regained conciousness.

"Fine, jeez," Pinkiepie said. She changed the channel. "I'll be making popcorn if you need me. Feel free to choose another channel!" Singing, she hopped into the kitchen. "La, lala, lala..."

Rainbowdash and Applejack leaned forward on the edge of their seats. "Hey, this looks like a good show." Rainbowdash said.

Twilight shook off the last of her excitement. "W-well, I'm glad to see you two are getting along. Should I just leave it here!"

"I-if its not too much trouble..."

"Yep."

"Fine by me."

"T-twilight.. I'd actually like t-

"Perfect! I'm going to go take a nap." Twilight beamed.

"O-oh... okay..." Fluttershy slunk into the corner.

And the scores are 50 to 1 as the Bandicoots shoot a goal!

Rainbow and Applejack watched the show for a little bit. After about an hour, the soccer game ended. "Yes! Yes! In your face Bandicoots! North West Lions rule!"

"Darn ya lions." Applejack swore. "Bandicoots rule, lions drool.

"If its not so much trouble... um, could I please choose the channel now?" Flluttershy asked.

Rainbow shrugged. "Yeah, sure, go ahead." She got up.

"Um... where are you going?" Fluttershy asked.

"Feeling tired." Rainbow Dash said. She looked out the window at the dimming sky. "I'm going to hit the sack."

"Me too, Flutters. Go to bed when you want. Got to hit the hay and all..." Applejack smiled.

"O-oh... yeah... alright..." Fluttershy murmured. She looked down at her feet. As the door closed behind Applejack, she grabbed the remote and switched the channel and, as the words 'The Walking Dead' filled the screen, Fluttershy allowed herself a little smile.

Human Holidays (Christmas Special)

"Yes!" Rainbow Dash squealed. Applejack let out a slight chuckle as the rainbow mare's fingers slipped and the little avatar she was controlling fell to its doom, followed by a series of vulgar curses. "Of all the... How is this fair? I hit the space bar! I hit the space bar damn it!" She yelled. "How am I supposed to work with these horrible controls, let alone these slippery appendages?" She scanned her finger tips. "Why does the cat stand on two legs, anyway?"

"Uh... Rainbow Dash?" Twilight frowned. She entered the room holding a ridiculously complicated looking book in her hands. "What are you yelling at?"

Rarity scoffed. "Oh, please. I'm sure its not that bad, darling."

"Oh, don't mind her." Pinkiepie giggled. "Rainbow is just upset that I beat the game on the first try."

"Game?" Twilight mumbled. "What-

"Cat mario!" Rainbowdash groaned. She looked worn out and tired and her palms were red and sweaty. "Try as I might, I just cannot get the damn thing to do what I want. And I'm twenty percent cooler then all of you guys!" She crossed her arms and slumped back in her chair, pouting.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "A game like that requires patience and grace, darling. Two things of which you don't possess, Rainbow Dash. Let a lady try."

Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. "By all means, Rarity, go ahead. I'm done with this crap anyway."

She swung herself out of the chair and went to stand by Twilight. "Ten bits says she loses her shit." Rainbow Dash whispered to Applejack. The cow girl chuckled and the two fist bumped.

"Your on, sugar cube." She whispered back.

Just then, however, the door bell rang. Twilight went to get it. "I wonder who that could be." She said. "I mean, its not like we get many visitors." She opened the door. On the other side was a man holding a box.

"Good afternoon, ladies." The man said. "I take it your spending the day with your friends?" He handed Twilight a card, which she examined. "I'm from the Seasonal Shack, and I've been hired to deliver all these Christmas decorations to the residents of Buckland Apartments at 30% off. Thats right! A 30% discount!"

Twilight frowned at the card and then looked slowly up. "The Seasonal... Shack? Whats that?" She said. A shack can't be seasonal, she thought. Unicorn magic can obviously capture the illusion of seasons and back in Equestria we, of course helped move things along but that doesn't seem to be the case here. So what does he...?

"Oh, of course. You see, the Seasonal Shack is a big time company and the main supplier of holiday decor around here. As a holiday draws nearer and nearer, we start to stock up on supplies. Around halloween, we were selling candy and costumes and the like but now the festivities are drawing in. If you buy this packet for only 33.99, You will receive 30 baubles, 5 randomly selected tinsel and a golden star for your tree, plus a complimentary Christmas themed tree stand!" He shone Twilight a big, cheesy smile. "So, what do you say? I promise it won't be a waste of your money."

Twilight frowned. She'd heard vaguely of halloween. From what she had gathered, it was a bit like Night Mare night in Equestria. Stil, she'd never heard of... 'christmas' but she supposed it could be a good cultural experience. She took a crisp fifty off the table and handed it to the door-to-door salesman. "Here you go." She said. The man handed her the box, which turned out to be rather heavy.

"Hey, Twilight, who was it?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Just some salesman. Said something about some human holiday called 'Christmas...?' Ah well, we'll find out what it is soon enough. I bought some decorations."

"I heard him say something about a tree." Pinkiepie piped up. "Why would they want a tree?"

"In the context, I think the decorations are supposed to go on the tree, Pinkie. But, since we don't have a tree and we don't know where to get one... well, I don't think we're allowed to just go out and cut one down somehow. I can't see anybody else doing it." Twilight explained

Rainbow Dash blinked interestedly. "So... Its sorta like hearths warming eve?" She suggested.

Twilight nodded. "Seems that way. Ooh, I wonder if there are any other human holidays similiar to ours? I already know Halloween for Night Mare night and Christmas... How about Hearts and Hooves day? Ooo! Or the Summer Sun Celebration?" I've just gotta do some research!" She blushed. "... After we put the decorations up, of course."

"Sweet!" Pinkiepie squeed. "I bags the baubles!"

"Ooh. Shiny." Rarity commented. She admired her well-groomed hair in the reflection of a silver one. "I suppose I'll do the tinsel. They do remind me of scarfs. And besides, only I have the grace and beauty to wrap the tinsel properly. It really is a shame when it looks all messy, and I simply cannot bear to have them crossing over or having loose ends with nowhere to place them."

"Perfect." Twilight said. She levitated a notepad and pencil over to her and clumsily tore out a page with her thumb and forefinger. "I'll organize where the baubles and tinsel should go and Rainbow Dash..." She looked at the pegagirl's wings rather unsurely. "Well... she can fly up and put the star on top."

"What about me and Applejack...?" Fluttershy murmured.

"You two can go and find a tree." Twilight beamed. "After all, you work on an apple farm, Applejack. You work with animals, Fluttershy and many of your little friends live in trees, so together you should know a good tree when you see one."

Applejack smiled determinedly. "You bet the hat on my head I can! Come on, Flutters." Before she could protest, the orange mare slipped on a jacket and grabbed her arm, forcefully pulling her out the door.

The group sat silently for a little while. Eventually, it was Rarity who broke the silence. "What do we do now then?" She asked.

"You know..." Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I never did get to see you finish cat mario..."

* * *

"Of all the...This game is worse then the time I was captured by those diamond dogs. Its positively awful. No, its worse then that! I-its negatively awful! Why in the world does everything want to kill this poor little cat?" She moaned. She let out a tired sigh, sinking back into her chair dramatically. "Oh woe is me! It appears I cannot complete this game. But for my credibility I must- no, I will not let this game go unbeaten! I will beat this game if it is the last thing I do, as Celestia or whatever ruler these people worship as my witness, Rainbow Dash will not defeat me in this event."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Seriously Rarity, chill out. Its just a game you know."

Rarity whipped around. She appeared to have taken on a new aura, eyes blood red and face flushed. Rainbow Dash even thought she could see a little steam coming out from her nostrils and ears. "Just a game? This is my credibility on the line, Rainbow Dash. You should know, being the competitive one. I agreed to this on your word, and as such-

"And as such, you should finish it on my word!" Rainbow Dash groaned. "You've been doing this for the last hour now!"

Rarity stuck her nose up haughtily. "And it will continue for an hour more."

Rainbow Dash groaned. "Where are Applejack and Shutter- I mean, Fluttershy when you need them?"

Twilight frowned. "You must really be tired, huh. I mean, mixing up our friends names-

"Silly filly!" Pinkiepie chirped. "They're right outside the door!"

Rainbow Dash sighed. "Phew! Lets go greet them." She opened the door to reveal Applejack and Fluttershy carrying a massive tree above their heads. Fluttershy was sweating and her arms were shaking from the pressure but years of apple bucking had obviously paid off in the human world also as Applejack was holding her half like it was nothing more then a pound of light metal.

"H-here you are." Stammered Fluttershy. "O-one tree!"

Applejack frowned. "What in tarnation were you lot doin' in there? We've been knockin' for ages."

"You probably didn't knock hard enough then." Rarity accused Applejack.

"Uh, hello? I have the strongest fists out of all of us here. Strongest legs, too." Applejack retorted.

"Wanna bet on that?" Challenged Rainbow Dash.

"Girls!" Twilight yelled. "Break it up, okay?" She turned to Fluttershy and Applejack. "Uh... Just how long were you out there for, anyway?"

"T-ten minut-

"A good ten minutes." Scowled Applejack, cutting Fluttershy off. "I can't believe this."

"Sorry about that." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "We probably couldn't hear you over Rarity's obnoxious whining."

"Why...?" Applejack stared at them inquisitively.

"Lets just say you owe me ten bucks." Rainbow Dash chuckled. "She flipped her shit alright."

"Ten bucks? Ouch, but would that be painful! Besides, we don't even have hind legs any more. How can you buck something without hindlegs, silly?" Pinkiepie giggled. AJ and Rainbow Dash rolled their eyes.

"You got the tree?" Twilight stated, coming into the room. "Oh, thats good. Now we can start on the tree. I've drawn a diagram up on the lounge as to where I want every decoration to be. And don't forget to make it symmetrical. There can't be any uneven spaces between the tinsel, Rarity. The tinsel on our last tree for Hearths Warming Eve was off by at least a centimeter." She glared at the diva.

All of the ponies groaned, take for Twilight and Applejack rested a hand on Twilights shoulder. "Look now, Twilight... I know you mean well and all but decorating a tree is supposed to be fun! Not... well... Taxing. Your ordering us around for something as insignificant as this tree so... why don't you just help set it up into the stand? Nopony is doing that yet."

Twilight stubbornly stomped a foot on the ground. "Applejack! This is not just some petty tree!"

Rainbow Dash frowned. "Uh... It isn't?"

Twilight looked exasperated. "No! This is the very basis of human culture we are dealing with here. Everything has to be perfect!"

"Twilight..." Rainbow Dash bit her lip. "Just because its a human holiday doesn't change the fact that its a holiday and... uh... Just tell us where you want the general tinsel to go, okay? Stop ordering us around for once!"

Twilight growled in fustration. "'Ordering around'? I'm just trying to make sure you guys don't screw up."

"They say I'm the diva," Rarity muttered.

Twilight glared at her. "We are going ahead as I planned. And I am not a diva!" She let out a sharp, annoyed grunt and stormed into the opposite room, slamming the door on her friends groans.

"Okay, I guess we should get started." Applejack said.

"I'll get the stand!" Pinkiepie began to dig through the boxes next to her, scooping up an armful of the baubles. "Baubleicious!" She warbled.

Rarity had all of the tinsels wrapped around her neck, admiring the shininess. "Which ones do you think I should put on first? The silver? The gold? Ooh, how about this smashing crimson? There's also a rather nice green- then again there's a green and red one- oh, I just can't decide!"

"Just pick one at random." Applejack suggested. She slouched down at the couch next to Fluttershy, as their work was done.

"But then there might not be a good color contrast!" The diva whined. "I don't want to have to do it all over again!"

Rainbowdash grabbed the star, looking over it curiously. "They have a star, also. Why so many similarities to 'Warming's Eve? Maybe Twilight should look that over."

Applejack smirked. "I never thought you'd be the one to be curious in their culture, Rainbow Dash."

To this, Rainbow Dash turned a bright crimson. "C-curious? N-no, I'm not curious! I just thought it'd be cool to know, that's all! Its not like I'm an egghead or anything. I'm going to put this star up now, that way you guys can see how not curious I am."

"That doesn't make any sense." Applejack pointed out.
\ "Of course it does! With the 'Dash, everything makes sense. Thats just how awesome I am, okay?" Rainbow Dash planted the star atop the tree swiftly and returned to the ground. "Twilight entrusted me with this, not any of you."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Thats because your the best flyer in here, Rainbow Dash. Possibly the best flyer this world has ever known, but I digress."

"H-how about those big, metal birds that fly across the sky? They look like their pretty good at flying. They're noisy and scary, too." Fluttershy muttered. She jumped as a high pitched squeal hit the air. "Eek! ... There's one now!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could fly better then those penis-shaped tin cans. At least I could fly faster,"

Fluttershy looked around wildly. "Don't say that! They might hear you..."

Applejack let out a fustrated growl of her own. "Rainbow Dash, don't swear. Both of you, lets just get back onto the tree, okay?"

"Sure thing!" Rainbow Dash said. She leapt onto the couch and buried her hands behind her head. "My work here is done."

"But what if theres a place on the tree we can't reach? We don't have a ladder so that means that you'll have to fly up there and put it there and even if we did have a ladder that we don't have it means that the ladder might fall and then we fall and if the ladder falls the momentum might be enough to topple the tree and if the tree topples that means that all our work will be finished and we'll have to do it all again!" Pinkiepie went through whole sentence frantically, breaking down and sobbing.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said with annoyed grunt. "Just tell me when you need me. I'm going to take a nap."

Pinkiepie frowned. "You know, this is why so much of the fandom think your element should be swapped with Applejack's!"

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Uh... they do?"

"Who's this fandom? If their an enemy, I can totally take em' on!" Rainbow Dash snorted.

"Yeah, they do sound mighty shady..."

Pinkiepie giggled. "Nevermind!"

Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other rather uncertainly. Finally, they both came to the agreement that Pinkiepie had finally, at long last, gone off the deep end. "Uh... huh." Rainbow Dash said. "I'm going to take that nap now."

"Okay," Pinkiepie beamed. "I'll wake you up if we need anything."

Rainbow Dash shot Pinkiepie a rather strange look but closed her eyes an rested her head against the pillow. "Okay, Pinkie. I'm going to go to sleep now, okay?"

"Okie-dokie-lokie!" Pinkiepie agreed. Soon after, Rainbow Dash begun to snore. "Ooh! Ooh! I've got a song about Christmas that I just made up! Anybody want to hear it?"

The remaining ponies looked at one another rather unsurely. "Uh... No, darling- that's really not necessary-

Pinkiepie cut Rarity off with the starting note of one of her songs.

"Its time for Christmas coldness- an awesome hol-id-ay!

The snow upon the rooftops grow and little children play...

All the food they've bought is running out and with fatness they shall pay

Cause thanksgiving is on and out and Chris is on his way!

The time has come to cele-brate

And hang our flashy lights

But its also time to welcome back a new year and new heights.

How can we help? We're new you see!

What does everybody do? How can we fit in without time here?

I haven't got a clue!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

I'll finish this holiday cheer!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

Because soon it is new year!

Bringing in the yearly haul

A person's job begins!

Gotta buy all that you buys

To let the kids cheer in!

We set the stage and we welcome the white snow!

When the sun comes up the festivity will show!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

I'll finish this holiday cheer!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

Cause soon it is new year

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-Up!

Cause soon it is new year,

Cause soon it is new year!

Little baubles string the trees, the pavements? Snow and ice

We wake up all the sleepy heads by screaming at them thrice.

We help them finish up their food

Grab their gifts below!

We welcome in the christmas air

family spirits that shall grow!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

I'll finish this holiday cheer!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

Cause soon it is new year

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-Up!

Cause soon it is new year,

Cause soon it is new year!

No easy task to fill the halls

Deck em' all with holly

With proper care and much time

Everyone be jolly

Apples, carrots, celery stalks,

so much more food too!

We must work so very hard

Its just too much to do!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

I'll finish this holiday cheer!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

Cause soon it is new year

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-Up!

Cause soon it is new year,

Cause soon it is new year!

Now that you know what they all do

You've got to find your place!

And help with all of your heart

Tough tasks ahead you face.

How will you do if its your first time

Help spread the Christmas cheer

You need wanna belong so you must

Welcome Christmas here!

Welcome Christmas heeeere!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

I'll finish this holiday cheer!

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-up!

Cause soon it is new year

Its-Christmas-Cheer-Up, Christmas-Cheer-Up!

Cause soon it is new year,

Cause soon it is new year!

Cause soon it is new year!

Cause soon it is new year!

Cause soon it is new yeeaaar!

Yeah!

"Whats thanksgiving?" Rarity asked.

Rainbow Dash, who had long since woken up to the noise, frowned. "And whats New Year?"

"I dunno what new year is," Pinkiepie confessed. "I only called it that because its the end of the year- silly filly!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, then widened them, looking at the Christmas tree. "You two already decorated the entire tree? How...?"

"We did it while Pinkiepie was singing, darling." Rarity explained. She finished wrapping the last piece of tinsel around the tree. "Is there anything else in the box? The tree looks nice but it doesn't feel... finished. Not yet, anyway."

"I dunno- I think the tree looks awesome!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Your tinsel wrapping is exquisite, Rarity!" Pinkiepie complimented.

Rarity looked smugly at her nails. "Why thank you, darling. Your taste in baubles is-

"Pinkilicious?" Pinkie suggested.

Rarity frowned and then smiled at Pinkiepie's antics. "Well, I was going to say 'magnificent', but that'll do I suppose."

Pinkiepie shot Rarity an ear to ear grin. "I thought it might. All I found were these things." Pinkiepie said. She pulled a handful of wires and bulbs out of the box. "I think they're lights."

"This tree is going to look so cool!" Rainbow Dash squeed. "I bags the lights."

"No fair!" Pinkiepie protested. "You did the star."

"And now I'm gonna do the lights." Rainbow Dash retorted. As Rainbow Dash plugged them into a power outlet and the lights turned on, everybody let out a gasp of awe. "They really are awesome." Rainbow Dash bragged. She wrapped them around the tree and the friends stood back to admire their work.

"Hey guys," Twilight said. She trotted back into the room just as they finished off. "I found out a bit more about Christmas." She stopped at the sight of the tree and smiled. "Wow, you well with the tree. Good job, girls. So, apparently we're supposed to have a large feast tomorrow. Surprisingly enough, today isn't actually Christmas. Its something that humans call 'Christmas Eve', which is the night before Christmas."

"That makes my brain hurt," Pinkiepie giggled.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "As I was saying, it is custom for humans to give each other gifts on Christmas day, so while you lot were doing that, I took the initiative to go down and buy us each a present. No opening them until tommorow." Twilight warned. "I'm talking to you Pinkiepie. I also bought us each 'stockings', which they put some of their smaller gifts in. Hang them on your doors tonight." She instructed.

"Stockings? Who'd want to hold gifts in a pair of tights?" Rarity shook her head. "Humans are strange."

"No- its more like a big sock." Twilight confessed.

Rarity shrugged. "Still weird."

"Cool," Rainbow Dash said. "Did you find anything out about the history?" She crossed her arms and blushed. "N-not that I want to know, or anything..."

"Actually, I did." Said Twilight with a smile. Rainbow Dash groaned when she realized she had just started Twilight on another lecture. "It all began with the star of Bethlehem, when it shone on the stable where baby Jesus was born. Jesus, by the way is the son of the god a lot of them worship."

"What do the rest worship?" Rainbow Dash asked. She decided not to ask what Bethlehem was, or why Jesus was born in a stable.

Twilight shrugged. "Other gods I guess. As Rarity said, humans are strange creatures. Thats why humans put a star on their trees. The tree itself is from another time era..." She continued on about the history of Christmas and thanks giving. When she got to the part about new years, Pinkiepie had a lot to say. Finally, Twilight unpacked the presents under the tree, hung some candy canes on the branches (which Pinkiepie found very delicous- the candy canes, not the branches) and then they hung their stockings up and went to sleep.

Or something like that.

'The Internet' (part 1)

It was day two of the mane six's exploration journey and most of them had finished settling down. Loose items were strewn across the ground and a plastic bag full of groceries was rotting on the table. Pinkiepie was only just finishing the apartment's check up, scanning the back room for interesting 'tid bits' while the other five sat on the couch starving to death. Finally, Rainbow Dash groaned. "Isn't somep- someone going to get the groceries?" She coughed.

"We've tried, Rainbow Dash." Twilight confessed. "But its hard enough to push the teeny buttons on a remote control let alone undo the knot they tied it up with."

Applejack slapped her knee. "Darn' tootin! They went and tied that bag up tighter then a snake chasing its end in a pretzel fashion. Even I couldn't get that thing open."

"This would be so much easier if you lot hadn't made such a mess." Rarity complained. "Aren't there any scissors amongst this unorganized clutter?"

"Oh, that's it!" Rainbow Dash yelled. She grabbed the bag with two hands and tore into it with her teeth, ripping it apart like a rabid mongrel. Bits of plastic fluttered down everywhere, making Fluttershy flinch.

"Couldn't you have just used your hands?" Applejack asked.

"Are you kidding me? what was I supposed to hold the bag with?" Rainbow Dash snapped. "Its not like I'm a unicorn!"

"Hey guys!" Pinkie's energetic voice rang out from the back. "I found something cool. Its like the magic-picture-showing-box-of-colorful-awesomeness, except its smaller and has some weird lettery-thingy-of-letteryness attached to it! And a clicky-thingy-of-clickyness! And theres a bunch of wires coming out of the back which are attached to a wired lit up box-of-boxiness!"

There was a loud crash as Pinkiepie smashed the object down on the bench, making everyone flinch. "Pinkie!" Twilight yelled. "For your information, thats a computer. And it happens to be very fragile!"

"Com...poo-tar??"

"Yes! Which means no smashing it down on the bench like that, okay?" Twilight scolded.

"Okee-Dokee!" Pinkiepie chirupped, seemingly unphased.

"Hey, thats cool!" Rainbow Dash said. "How do we turn it on?"

Twilight waltzed up to the computer. "Here," she said proudly. "I'll show you. All you have to do... is press this button, here."

Nothing.

"I said, all you have to do, is press this button, here!" Twilight tried again. Still nothing. "Why isn't anything working?" She screamed, about to bring her fists down on the keyboard.

"You need to plug it in, silly filly!" Pinkiepie pointed out. Seemingly oblivious to the increasingly red Twilight, she popped the plug into an electric adapter and hit the same button Twilight had. Almost instantly, the screen flickered to life and at about the same time, steam escaped through Twilight's ears.

"There!" Pinkiepie announced loudly. Her smile fell. "Now... if I can just work out how to use this clicky thing..."

"Give me that!" Twilight snapped. She snatched it from pinkie. "And its called a mouse!"

"A mouse? But it doesn't look anything like a mouse." Pinkiepie faltered. She appeared to shrug.

"I learnt about all this when I first went to the human world." Twilight explained. "There's this amazing thing called the internet. Its pretty much magic, you see?" She double clicked on the 'e' icon.

"Twilight should use Chrome!" Pinkiepie blurted.

"What are you talking about sugar cube?" Applejack frowned. "Whats chrome?"

"Oh... nothing." Pinkiepie said slyly. "Nothing at all..."

Twilight rolled her eyes, passing it off as nothing more then pinkie logic. "Anyway, this is google home page. You can look for anything."

"So... like... its a machine that can answer all your questions?" Rainbow asked. "Awesome!"

"Thats not all! Its so wonderfully organized, too. People make things called 'sites' which have little piles of information on them. And just watch this, see?" Twilight said. "I press a key on this magical 'key board' and the letter comes up in the search bar! Also, you can share anything. People put videos and stories and even artworks on the internet, and that's not all. Theres games too, and music! You can even buy things."

"Sounds like you can do about anything on it." Applejack said. "I'm quite curious, though- how would you play games on the internet? Or for that matter, how would you buy stuff? Mind if I ask that whatchamacallit of yours?"

"Not at all," Twilight said. She offered Applejack the seat. "Here."

Applejack sat down uncertainly. She hovered her hands over the magical 'key-board'. "I find it hard to believe that this thing can really make letters." She said. "Are you sure about this?"

"Sure am," Twilight said. "Go ahead, give it a shot."

Applejack frowned, hesitating. Suddenly, as if it were a shark, she punched one of the keys down. "Well, I'll be," she chuckled as a little squiggly letter appeared on the screen. "This is kinda' fun!" Out of the blue she began to smack the keyboard, guffawing manically. Each pound made Twilights ears shake, the force of her punches making the couch she was on quake violently.

"It is?" Rainbow Dash's ears picked up.

"Applejack!" Twilight snapped. "Stop it!' She grabbed Applejack's wrist.

Applejack blushed and scratched the back of her head. "Oh, uh... Sorry." She said.

Twilight sighed. "Maybe its best if I do the typing from now on?"

"M-

Rainbow Dash crashed into the two of them, throwing them to the ground. "No way, Twi! I'm taking over from here!" She put her hands to the keyboard, her look of confidence slowly fading. "Um... How do I...?" She made an attempt to hold the 'mouse' but kept fumbling. "Uh... Twilight? A little help here?"

Applejack got up and shoved Rainbow Dash. "Move it!" Applejack growled. Rainbow Dash let out a frantic cry and crashed to the ground, legs flailing.

Twilight sat down. "Thank you, Applejack."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash scowled. She began waving her arms and legs in the air, her annoyed look turning to one of fear. "Help! I don't know how to get up! These legs are evil, I tell you! Evil!"

Pinkiepie flopped down next to RainbowDash and started to imitate her. "Go dashy! Do the turtle! Weeee! This is kinda fun!" Pinkiepie yelled.

Twilight rolled her eyes and clicked on the search bar again. "So, Applejack, tell me." She said. "What would you like to search for?"

Applejack thought for a moment. "Uh... Try, 'apple contest'. Yeah, that's right- I'd love to know when the next one is in Equestria."

Twilight smiled. "I don't think I can look for results in Equestria, but I'll give it a shot. Next apple contest... Equestria." She muttered. She pressed the enter bar matter-of-factly. "There we go." She said. "Now we just need to wait for it to load."

"Looooaddd? But I want to see it nooooow!" Rainbow Dash groaned from the floor, still waving her arms and legs.

Twilight sighed. "Be patient, Rainbow."

"Do the turtle! Do the turtle!" Pinkiepie sung. "Then again, its not really like a turtle. Turtles can't fly... Oooh, I know! Do the cockroach! Do the cockroach!"

"Not the cockroach!" Rainbowdash groaned. "I don't wanna be a cockroach!"

"Awww, sorry Dashie!" Pinkiepie said sympathetically. She freed one hoof and used it to pat Dashie on the shoulder. "There there, you can be a turtle if you want."

"Thanks, Pinkiepie." Rainbow Dash smiled. "You're a good friend."

"Oh, brother.." Twilight rolled her eyes at the two. She turned back to the screen. "Ah, here we go! All loaded."

"Those are some confusing words, sugarcube." Applejack said. "What in the world is a 'fanfiction'?"

Twilight frowned. "I don't know. Lets have a look, shall we?" She clicked on the link. As she was waiting for it to load, however, she heard a gasp from Pinkiepie and suddenly felt the mouse jerk out from under her hand. "What the hell Pinkie?" She snapped as Pinkiepie clicked on the X. "What did you do that for?"

Pinkiepie's eyes darkened. "You must never know what a fanfiction is. If you do, it will suck the very life out of you and rip apart the fabric of space time!" She screamed. She began to violently shake a confused Twilight by her shoulders. "There are horrible, EVIL fanfictions out there, do you hear me? People WILL write about your private life Twilight! They will, and you don't want to put up with that! Even as we speak, somebody could be writing a fanfiction about this very moment, and you don't want to put up with that, do you understand?"

"Um... Pinkie...' Twilight murmured.

"Do you understand?" Pinkiepie pressed.

"Yes! Yes, I understand." Twilight said.

"Okay!" Pinkiepie said happily. Twilight and Applejack watched in sheer confusion as she merrily bounced back over to Rainbow Dash and started turtling in the air again as if nothing had ever happened.

"Sometimes I think that there is something horribly wrong with that pony." Applejack shook her head, sitting down on the couch next to Twilight. "I guess we can't look at whatever fanfiction is then."

"Yeah." Twilight said, secretly curious. She told herself to have a look at whatever it was whenever Pinkiepie was away. "How about I show you a really cool site I found?" She said, going off topic.

"Sure, whats it like?" Applejack asked.

"Oh, its really good." Twilight said, typing an address into the bar at the top of the page. "You know how we watched all those moving pictures a little while ago? Well, its pretty much a giant site dedicated to moving pictures. Po- people can even take their own moving pictures with things called 'cameras' and 'upload' them! Isn't it great?" She pressed enter. "Its called, 'youtube'."

"Wow," Applejack said. "Impressive."

"I know, right?" Twilight fan-girled. "I want to show you one I found recently. There's just something... mesmerizing about it. I don't know what it is but... I just can't look away. Its called, 'Badger, Badger, Badger."

"Well, that's stupid." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Who'd call anything Badger, Badger, Badger? Also, could I get some help here please? I'm still stuck here!"

The whole room, including Fluttershy continued to ignore her and faced the screen, take for Pinkiepie who continued to turtle next to her. "Shh," Twilight whispered. "Its starting."

Nobody could speak or even so much as blink as the badgers began to dance around the screen in angelic harmony, the mushrooms blending in perfectly to create a melodic heaven of sounds and pictures that were beautiful enough to make even the manliest of men cry. Finally, the video ended, leaving the room in total awe.

"That was..."

"Beautiful." Rainbow Dash sniffled. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever... I mean, when the snake came I was just..."

Rainbow dash sniffled as Pinkiepie patted her on the shoulder. "There, there Dashie... there there..."

"Well, I was going to say, 'creepy', but I guess that would do too." Rarity snorted. "I hope not all of the magical pictures on this watcha-ma-callit... Sit... Cite... Silk..."

"Site?" Twilight said.

"Thank you Twilight- site aren't that weird." Rarity said. "Personally, I'd go for some more elegant tastes- lets say... art?" She batted her eyelids hopefully.

Twilight frowned. "Well, okay, but I'm not sure if I know of any good art site- wait a second, I found one a few days ago as a matter of fact... I think it was called Deviantart? Yeah, yeah, that was it." She began to type it into the address bar.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Well, okay... I was hoping we could go to the gallery down town but I guess this will have to do." She muttered under her breath. "I swear, I'm too generous sometimes..."

"Here we go." Twilight said. "All the art you could want." She offered the seat to Rarity. Rarity sat down, looking at the screen curiously.

"Hm. Interesting." She said. She looked at Twilight. "Twilight..." She began. "Just how would one draw on a com...pootar?"

"Hm? Oh, I suppose you'd have to get a drawing program. I'm sure you could install one online if you wished." Twilight said. "Do you want me to see if I can find one for you?"

"No!" Rarity hissed. "I want to do it myself!"

Twilight was taken back. "Well... okay, I guess." She said. She said down on the couch next to the Applejack.

"Now, lets see..." Rarity murmured. "I'll just press this key here... and... um... Oh dear, how do I do this? Twiiiliiiiight?" She whined.

"What?" Twilight snapped.

"There are too many butttoooooooons! Come heeeelppp meeeeeee!"

Twilight groaned, facepalming. She walked over to Rarity and took the keyboard from her, typing in the simple phrase; good drawing software? She pressed enter only to have her diaphragm crushed by Rarity's giant hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you Twilight! You're a life saver!"

Twilight felt her face turning blue. "No... problem..." She choked. Rarity let her go and she took a huge gulp of air. She promised never to take oxygen for granted again, especially when faced with Rarity's perfume. "So, Rarity- should I download one of these for you?" She asked patiently.

"Oh, I wasn't actually going to download one. Don't be ridiculous Twilight. No, I don't know the first thing about drawing." As Rarity made her way back to her seat, Twilight had to use every ounce of will-power within her not to tear Rarity to shreds.

"Deep breaths, Twilight." She said to herself. "Deep breaths. So, who else wants to do something?" She called out.

"Oh! Me! Mememememe!" RainbowDash yelled, waving a hand frantically in the air.

Twilight sighed. "Anybody else want a go?"

The whole room was quite except for Rainbow Dash who was still frantically waving her hand.

"Fine," Twilight muttered. "Come here Rainbow Dash."

As if her spell had suddenly been broken, Rainbow leapt to her feet and stood beside the computer. Everyone looked at her in disbelief. "So... you could get up?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Well, duuuh. How else would I be standing here?"

Twilight felt her teeth grind in her mouth. "So... Rainbow..." She said slowly. "What do you want to do on the internet?"

"You said there were games, right? Well, I want to play some games. Do you know any sites like that?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Suddenly, Twilight snapped. She picked up the computer and threw it at Rainbow Dash. "You know what?" She shouted as it slammed into the ground next to Rainbow. "Do it yourself. I'm going to take a nap."

She stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. "And she told me not to slam the computer down." Pinkiepie said. "Thats sorta hypocritical Twilight!" She yelled after her.

Author's Note

Rewrote it for funniness. :P Enjoy, and don't read fanfictions. They'll suck the life out of you and tear apart space time. ^-^ (except for mine... yeah, mine should be safe...)