A Fruity Adventure

Chapters

Chapter 1 - Beginnings
Chapter 2 - Saint Peartersburg
Chapter 3 - Enter the Fruitlord
Chapter 4 - Preparations
Chapter 5 - The Journey Begins
Chapter 6 - The Forest
Chapter 7 - Of Bananas and Trees

Chapter 1 - Beginnings

Author's Note

I wasn't sure what I wanted when I started to write this, and I didn't get into my stride until about chapter 3, so these first couple of chapters aren't the best. If you can make it as far as 3 though, I commend your perseverance, and it will be rewarded with a marginally better story.

Chapter 1 - Beginnings

“Yawn.” Rainbow Dash said irritably as Twilight tried to teach her friends the theory behind inter-dimensional portals. The purple princess hopped from hoof to hoof as she let loose the river of words from her mouth, shooting a sparkling glance at each of her friends in turn as she explained.

“...And look at me, rambling away at a million miles an hour.” Twilight finally said with a chuckle, “Anyways, this is all very new and exciting. Thanks for putting up with me,” She momentarily locked with Rainbow’s half-open eyes, “But I just had to tell someone. Princess Celestia will be sooo pleased with me!”

Suddenly and without warning, and with extremely little buildup, an inter-dimensional portal opened up in the library and all the ponies were inexplicably sucked into it.

“Oh no.” Rarity said, “we’re getting sucked into this inter-dimensional portal.”

With this, realisation dawned on the others and utter panic ensued. The horses struggled slightly and someone got hit, before the inter-dimensional portal closed behind them, leaving the library as still as an empty library.
***

Some weeks later, the inter-dimensional portal reopened at the other side. After being trapped in limbo for such a length of time, the ponies were emaciated and were too weak to stand. The faded pile of colours slumped into the grass and breathed shallowly, awaiting their fates.

Moments before darkness consumed the vision of our heroines, fuzzy shapes approached them cautiously, but they were too delirious to really pay any attention.

***

Twilight Sparkle tried to open her eyes, but they were too heavy; the simple act of lifting her eyelids was akin to carrying a large crate of scrap metal across a relatively wide space. Having tried and failed at this task, Twilight tried to move her foreleg, but elicited no more than a twitch. Determined to do something, the pony attempted speech, and managed to let out a small groan.

“We have activity!” Somebody yelled from beyond Twilight’s range of sense, and multiple sirens began wailing: close by at first, then more of them further away. What in Equestria is happening? Twilight asked herself, and forced open the solid iron elephants that called themselves her eyelids.

Crossbows. She was surrounded in almost a dozen crossbows, pointing at every inch of her incapacitated body. The dull metal points glinted from the unnatural white light of the room, and showed Twilight a distorted view of her surroundings. She was in a very plain room, with what looked like a bed. Given her situation, the pony decided that it must be a hospital ward and that she had been in some sort of terrible accident. This explanation didn’t, however, account for the multitudes of lethal weapons that had started this now completely derailed train of thought.

“Why are you pointing crossbows at me” Twilight said.

“So that you don’t point a crossbow at us.” A voice said.

“But I don’t have a crossbow.” Twilight said.

“You might do, how do we know?” The same voice said.

“I don’t though.” Twilight said.

“This dialogue is shit!” A second voice chirped in unexpectedly.

“What the hell are you on about, you idiotic Bramley?” The original voice retorted angrily.

“Sorry sir, I was hearing this conversation as a narrative sir. Don’t mind me sir.” The second voice excused.

“Have him executed.” Ordered voice 1.

“It’s been a pleasure sir. Goodbye purple horse.” Voice number two said. Twilight made the assumption that he saluted, but she would soon realise that he was not, in fact, capable of such.

“Goodbye second voice.” She called cheerily, for reasons that were not completely clear at the time or since.

A wet hacking sound could be heard from beyond Twilight’s range of vision, she wanted to see what was happening but she was still too weak to move her head. One of the crossbows clanged to the ground, echoing briefly.

“As a matter of fact, I have decided to order an impromptu group execution. Carry on.” The first voice could be heard to say.

A group of voices replied in perfect unison. “Yes sir. Goodbye sir. Goodbye purple horse.”

“Goodbye!” Twilight called out again, as the rest of the crossbows fell out of the air all around her, accompanied by the (already) all too familiar sloshing chopping soundtrack.

The first voice cleared his throat. “Excellent. Now we’ve got that over with we can get down to business. My name is Captain Juicylips of the 67th brigade Saint Peartersberg Ground Defense Force.”

“I can’t see you.” Was Twilight’s only reply.

“Ah yes, of course.” The pony’s bed began to move and she stirred uncomfortably with the movement, unable to shift herself into a more favourable position.

What Twilight saw before her was something she had seen dozens of times before back at home, but never like this. It was a pear, to put it in its most basic terms. A 4 foot tall pear, that is, with one large, malformed eye in the centre. It had a mouth, too, with bright pink lips that looked extremely out of place on a yellow-green fruit. The eye was the most unusual part of the thing though, twisted and bulging like it was about to burst. Red veins crawled up from the socket like jungle vines, as if they were strangling it, and the pupil seemed to leak into the dirty grey iris - almost pear shaped itself.

“HOLY FUCKING JESUS FUCK!” Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs, overcoming her paralysis to shuffle backwards on her bedsheets in terror.

“Charming.” Juicylips chuckled to himself, “I could have said the same the first time I laid eyes on you, you unnaturally coloured out-of-proportion horse.”

Twilight managed to seize control of her staggering breathing and calm down enough to talk. “I’m sorry if I came across as rude, I’ve just never seen anything like you before.”

Juicylips smiled, “That’s fine. As long as you aren’t going to pull a crossbow on me.”

“Oh fuck off, you freak of nature. Don’t start this shit again.” Twilight moaned, before correcting herself. “I say, that was a tad out of character for someone such of myself, was it not, good chap?”

“I would say so.” Her new acquaintance replied distantly.

“What the fuck is going on?” Someone said from across the room.

Twilight swivelled her neck around to see where the noise was coming from. This turned out to be the far end of the room, where Rainbow Dash had awoken and propped herself up on an elbow, using the other foreleg to rub her eyes.

Twilight’s reaction was instantaneous, “Oh, so you can fucking move then!”

“Twilight?” Rainbow said, looking around herself blearily.

“Heh, 3 paragraphs in a row.” Juicylips interrupted, before becoming aware of the odd looks he was getting. “Sorry, just that narrative kid giving me ideas. The little cunt.”

“Fair enough.” Twilight Sparkle replied, changing the subject back on course, “Anyway, Rainbow Dash, yes. I am indeed here. Wherever here happens to be.”

“Great!” Rainbow exclaimed with enthusiasm ill-fitting of the situation.

Soon enough, Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy woke up too, and they were all just as confused as one another. And as soon as Twilight could walk again, they demanded answers.

“What is happening?” Rarity asked.

“The answer to that question will be answered after this cliffhanger.” Replied Juicylips, before freezing completely still.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Chapter 2 - Saint Peartersburg

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3 - Enter the Fruitlord

The great oaken doors swung inwards and struck the walls with a resonating thud. Before the ponies lay a grand hallway, lined with portraits of pear aristocracy and patterned vases. On one wall was a sprawling fresco depicting rigid lines of apple soldiers being overcome and cut down by tumultuous waves of banana warriors, striped red and blue in war paint. A long arabic rug stretched down the hall to another set of large doors at the far end and pear servants wobbled around awkwardly this way and that, spilling whatever they were holding with the erratic gait. They came and left through various carved wooden doors branching off left and right all the way down to the main doors, which remained unopened.

“Enough gawking,” Juicylips said, breaking the silence that had fallen since the group entered, “Let’s get on with business.”

He set off wobbling away down the corridor and the ponies started to follow, looking around incredulously at the pears throwing food, drink and paperwork all around them while attempting to walk with no legs and carry things with no arms. Twilight began to wonder how these fruit functioned as a society when they were so horrendously inefficient at existing.

Soon enough, the ponies were facing up to the second pair of needlessly huge and complex doors. Juicylips pushed his face onto the cool, shiny surface - looking extremely uncomfortable - until they creaked open an inch, at which point they were opened from the inside.

Beyond the entryway was a large room, and one that Twilight felt familiar with. A red carpet crept along the stone floor and climbed a short set of stairs, forging a path to the centrepiece of the room - an enormous lavish throne, gold plated and inset with jewels of every shape and colour. On three of the four walls were tall windows, showing views of the city outside from just above roof level and casting rods of light into the room, dust particles suspended within. Four armoured pears, equipped with crossbows, stood guard at the base of the short, broad dais on which the throne was perched. On this seat, atop a frilly pink cushion, sat the 4th lord of Saint Peartersburg.

He was nothing like Twilight had imagined him to be, in fact, she recoiled in horror slightly when she first looked up to see him. The lord wasn’t equine, but he wasn’t a fruit either, he was something completely alien. He slouched back in the chair, two long arms stretching down the edges and clasping onto the ends with a fleshy mishmash of joints and bony appendages. His legs were somewhat similar - long, thin and gangly with one bend in the middle. The Fruitlord’s skin was pasty white, almost translucent, and stretched across his form tightly, making him look almost malnourished. However, it was the face when things really got interesting. The entire visage was covered in throbbing, pustulating sores, his tiny eyes set deep inside the mountainous acne and his mouth small with tight, pale lips. A greasy mop of strikingly ginger hair sat simply on his unsettlingly broad head, falling limply down his forehead; the only hair on his face was a straggly beard consisting of 3 or so hairs on his chin, sprouting like grass and falling wispily down to chest level.

“Hello.” Rarity said, uninterestedly. She didn’t seem phased at all by the situation, and resumed staring around vacantly.

“Yes, erm, hello.” Twilight repeated, “We hear that you need some help with a beast… or something.”

“Yes. Yes we do.” The Fruitlord replied in a hurried, nasal voice.

He stood up from his throne and stepped forward to meet the party. He stood on two legs and reached just short of six feet in height, and as such towered over the ponies. As he stood, Twilight also noticed that he was wearing clothes - a pair of blue denim trousers and a badly stained white T-shirt with some sort of marking in the centre that Twilight couldn’t make out because of the staining.

The lord knelt on one knee so he was on the ponies’ eye level before he addressed them. “Hello Twilight Sparkle. I know who you are but I don’t believe you have met me.”

It was at this point that Twilight deciphered the shirt. It read “Twily is my waifu” encircling an image of her cutie mark. She backpedalled in horror and looked between the shirt and the Fruitlord’s face. Twilight didn’t know what the phrase meant, but she wasn’t comfortable with it.

“Who are you?” Twilight asked in disgust.

The lord chuckled. “I am the 4th lord of saint peartersburg, the fruitlord if you will. Please don’t be alarmed by the shirt, it’s the only one I have and these useless fruits can’t make clothes.”

“Wait a second.” Rainbow Dash cut in, zipping up to the Fruitlord’s cratered face, “How do you know who we are? What does your shirt even mean.”

“iwtcird” Was his only reply, leaving the ponies more confused than they were to start with.

A few seconds later, the lord picked up the conversation again, “I take it my good friend Juicylips has taken you through the basics?”

The pear in the corner nodded and the ponies quickly added their confirmation.

“Good,” He said, “but there is some more that you need to know, and none of these fruits can hear it.”

The Fruitlord took Twilight and her friends down a set of dimly lit stairs to a small basement area. A large image of three creatures like the lord, one of which was recognisable as him, was carved into one of the walls.

The fruitlord began to speak. “Once, many years ago, the beast was my friend, as was the tyrant king. We were pulled into this world from another, just like you, and found it to be full of the most naive, malleable creatures I’ve ever encountered. My friends and I used this to our advantage, convincing these fruits that we were their gods come to rule over them in the corporeal world.”

“Things started off well; we ruled together as the three kings of Apland and we organised the pears and apples into a peaceful alliance. The Banana tribes kept themselves to themselves and trade with the pineapple nations in the east was booming. Like all good things however, it wasn’t destined to last. The third king, the one you know as the beast, walked into the wilderness one day and when he came back he just wasn’t the same. Eventually he made the inevitable bid for total power and we were forced to strike him down, but when he fell he didn’t die. An old coconut, one of the last of a dying race, told us that he had left to another universe to grow stronger, and that his return would be heralded by the arrival of the only weapon capable of defeating him for good.”

The Fruitlord turned to face the ponies, “We believe that weapon is you.”

Chapter 4 - Preparations

The ponies re-emerged from the underground chamber quietly. Twilight felt slightly uncomfortable with being a weapon, she had always been the pacifistic type. It would be so much nicer to just be a tool of the beast’s destruction, or the harbinger of his death, but weapon it was.

Applejack however, had much more important things on her mind. Ever since the hospital she had seemed noticeably agitated, and it had only gotten worse since they entered the castle.

“I can’t deal with this shit anymore!” She hollered, careening into one of the pear guards and sending him flying through the air into the far wall, covering it in his fleshy white innards. Before any of the others could react, she bucked a second through the face, splattering yet more fruit pulp everywhere. The two remaining guards quickly closed in on her, firing two crossbow bolts into her neck and middle back. Applejack slumped to the ground, her hat flopping off her head. She writhed in a pool of her own blood, soaking the orange fur on one side and throwing dark red spray around the room. The pony’s eyes were wild as she tugged at the wooden shaft plugging her throat.

Before Applejack passed out she managed to raspily choke out the words, “Fucking pears.”

“Oh my fucking god.” Twilight yelled as the guards dragged away the unconscious form of her friend. “Is she dead? What are you going to do with her?”

“Please remain calm, she is being taken to the hospital to recover. We will wait until she is fit again before we put her in prison.” Juicylips assured.

“Prison?!” Rainbow dash exclaimed, hovering as usual.

“She just murdered two innocent pears, what did you expect?”

“You ordered your entire squad to kill each other for no reason, how can you talk about murder?” Twilight interjected angrily.

Juicylips didn’t even flinch. “I was their superior officer.”

Twilight was fuming, about ready to go on her own killing spree, when The Fruitord spoke up.

“Twily--” He began.

“Don’t be such a fucking creep.” The pony retorted.

“Sorry, Twilight.” He shuddered as he laid his hand on her silky mane, “But please, we must detain your friend as a matter of course. She will be released as and when she is needed.”

Twilight immediately perked up at the soothing words of the lord. “ok then.” She said.

“So what happens now?” Inquired Rarity.

“Well our destination is New Stalk City, where the king resides. He has always been incredibly stubborn and bull-headed, but I think that with your help we can convince him to use his common sense. You see, he thinks that when the beast returns that he can control it, and use the thing to finally destroy the pear race for good, but we know better than that. The whole god thing went straight to his head, and now he believes he can do anything, but that beast will vapourise him, and then us.”

“So we just go to this place and talk to a guy. No big deal.” Rainbow Dash announced confidently, striking a pose.

“Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple.” Sighed The Fruitlord, “If the apple guards spot me they will shoot on sight, and all the roads are heavily blockaded. We will need to travel through the wilderness, well into the banana forests. The going won’t be easy.”

Twilight pointed her chin up and straightened her posture. “Let’s do it. I want to go home.” She snuck a glance at the lord, to reassure herself of her point. Sure enough, he was staring at her with a slight smile, his eyes lustful. Twilight was beginning to work out what “waifu” meant, and yes, she definitely wanted to go home.

***

Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Rarity sat in their room at the palace. Most of them were unable to sleep, what with the busy day approaching when they would need to set out for Appledor.

Twilight looked around at the ornately decorated room the lord had issued them. It had five beds: four against the side walls and one on the back, opposite the door. This bed was Twilight’s. She shuffled around and inspected the embroidery of the silken bedsheets. As she focused on the pattern, she noticed her initials and cutie mark worked into the design. She stirred uncomfortably at the revelation and hopped off the bed and down the length of the room to where the bags were packed and ready.

After some rummaging, Twi uncovered the map of the area they’d be travelling through. It was mostly fields and grassland, but a great jungle still laid between them and their destination, the area of the map on the interior of the forest was blank, unexplored. There was no telling what was waiting for them in there. She sighed and rolled the parchment back into the knapsack.

Twilight wandered back over to her creepy, oversized bed and settled onto the covers; she looked at each of her friends for comfort. Rarity laid on her back with her legs comically hanging in the air and an intensely satisfied look on her face with her half closed eyes and heavily dilated pupils. Fluttershy was sitting in silence as always, staring at the wall as if in deep thought. Rainbow dash was the only one of the group completely asleep, half hanging off the edge of her bed and kicking her right hind leg periodically while muttering her own name in an overtly sexual manner.

The near silence was soon disturbed by muffled footsteps outside the room, and Twilight focused her attention on the door. Suddenly, the Fruitlord burst into the room unannounced and looked around with perverse excitement at each of the resting ponies before turning around and walking out again, dejected.

“Damn.” Twilight heard him say, as he shut the door, “Stupid misleading p-” The voice faded away before the end of the sentence could be heard.

“What a fucking perv.” The pony murmured to herself as she settled down to try and get some rest for the full day ahead.

***

“Wakey wakey!” Juicylips hoarsely screamed at Twilight, his eye throbbing unsettlingly. She pulled her face out of the pillow and tried to focus on the noise that just released her from the nightmare that she just endured.

“whut?” She asked redundantly

“It’s time to go, we don’t have much time. Your friends are all up.”

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Twi groaned, slumping off the side of the bed and hitting the floor with a thud and a shriek of surprise. She righted herself indignantly before stumbling over to the mirror and brushing her mane straight.

Outside, a group of pears were hauling supplies onto a cart, several of them being badly injured in the process. Rainbow dash and fluttershy were sitting watching and leaning on one another, still half asleep. Rarity was standing nearby, swaying from side to side and humming a tune. She smiled when she saw Twilight.

“Hello Twilight.” Rarity said, “They’re loading a cart for us.”

“Yes, I can see.”

Eventually, the pears lurched away in their unique style and the ponies boarded the wooden construct and took their seats at the sides. Outside the gates of saint Peartersburg palace, there was a wide, winding street heading out of the city, bustling with pears and the odd orange or mango. The crooked houses and businesses leaned precariously over the road and there was an ambient sound of crying, laughter and general voices.

With a clang, the doors of the palace opened and the Fruitlord strutted out smugly and vaulted into the back of the cart with the ponies like an idiot, making it rock back and forth. He then proceeded to sit and look around at his surroundings, getting in more than a few not-sneaky-at-all glances at the purple horse opposite him.

“Um, are we going to set off?” Rainbow Dash asked, “How is this thing supposed to move?”

“well, it doesn’t move at all yet.” The lord said, before leaning in close to Twilight’s face so that she could hear his heavy breathing, “I was hoping you could… Work some magic.”

Twilight sighed.

Chapter 5 - The Journey Begins

Ivan Pearlashnikov threw a pail of water onto the red coals of his smelting fire and basked in the satisfying hiss of the billowing clouds of steam. He squirmed awkwardly out of the stiff apron around his bulbous form and shuffled it into a corner.

Ivan took a last look at his collection of contorted metal vaguely resembling swords, tools and other knick knacks. He thought about how his job would be so much easier if he had arms like the Fruitlord in his palace down the road. With a sigh, he wobbled out of the door, locked up the shop and looked at his modest home across the road.

He remembered about his son Mikhail and perked up. It was the boy’s birthday tomorrow and he had to pick up the cake and present. He smiled as he imagined the happiness on his son’s face when he saw the magnificent thing he would be eating; Ivan had been saving up for weeks to afford the beauty and he just knew Mikhail would love it.

Ivan set off down the cobbled street towards the bakery a hundred yards away. He said hello to an acquaintance as he passed on his merry way, the smell of the fresh bread becoming more potent. He thought about how proud catherine, his wife, would be about the thought he’d put into all this - she was always grumbling about how little time he spent with little Mikhail.

Faintly, from behind Ivan, the sound of hooves on a hard surface emanated. The sound got louder and louder. The pear turned around to see what it was, to see an out of control carriage bearing down on him with staggering speed, smashing everything and everyone in its way. Before he could react, Ivan was a pale green mess smeared on the front of the cart.

***

Twilight spat out the bit of pear flesh that had just found its way into her mouth and tried to control the magically generated horses pulling them along. She swerved to avoid a mother and baby pear, and in doing so kicked out the back end of the carriage. The wooden structure tore into the front of a bakery of some sort, spilling bread and glass all over the road and adding to the carnage. A lump of cake splattered into the bottom of the cart, on top was some icing with words on it, but only fragments were intact. It read:

Hap
8
Mik

Twilight stopped for a second to wonder what it could have ever meant.

“Can’t you get this thing under any better control Twi?” Rainbow yelled through the cacophony of screaming pears and thunderous hoofsteps. “The death count for this journey is already a dozen, and we’ve only been gone a minute!”

“I’m trying!” Twilight snapped back without breaking concentration. Another pear was reduced to pulp under the wooden cartwheels.

“Why don’t you try slowing down?” Rarity suggested from the rear of the carriage.

“Oh my god, I didn’t think of that.” Twilight said with genuine realisation and disbelief. She sat down and the horses slowed to a trot. “Jesus Christ I’m stupid at times”

The party made it to the edge of Saint Peartersburg with no further civilian casualties and stopped at the gates where 4 pear guards waited for them. They opened the tall metal structure when they saw the fruitlord approaching in the carriage.

“Thanks chaps.” He said with a wave as they passed by.

Twilight was visibly shaken from being responsible for the deaths of so many innocent pears; what if they had families to look after? “Thank fuck we’re out of there.” She said in relief.

***

“So here we are.” The fruitlord said, stretching his long, thin, pale, gangly arms into the air. “The open road.” He looked over to Twilight and took a long shuddering breath. “We can speed up again now, Twi.”

“Y-yes, of course.” She said, and adjusted the cruising speed of the magical horses to a fast canter. She watched their flowing movements and rippling magical muscles as they moved, in awe of the capabilities of magic she didn’t know she possessed. The pinkish translucent creatures acted like animals, but they were more like robots, with set patterns and sequences to follow.

Her train of thought was suddenly severed by the fruitlord as he tried once again to initiate some sort of conversation. “We can continue in here on the road for the rest of today, for a few dozen miles. Beyond that we’ll have to walk to avoid the roadblocks set up by the Apples. We should only be cutting through the corner of the banana forests on foot if all goes according to plan.”

“K” Rarity remarked, paying more attention to the almost luminescent green of the fields than to the annoying drone of the lord’s voice.

The fruitlord promptly shut up and the party sat for several hours in a heavy silence as the day began to draw to a close. The seemingly endless green fields eventually faded out and were replaced by shrubby hills and balancing grey rocks all around. The setting sun cast a long shadow across much of the land and exaggerated shapes and movements.

The carriage eventually started to pull around a corner with a steep slope into a valley full of trees on one side and a vertical cliff reaching into the sky on the other.

Consumed by his overwhelming boredom, the lord stood up in the rickety cart and stepped softly towards the front end where twilight sat staring dolefully into the horizon. He reached his hand forwards in the direction of her head, entranced by the sparkling horn on top of it.

Rainbow Dash, intrigued by the disturbance, looked up from her hooves to see who was moving. She took a moment to register the situation before reality hit. “Wait! N--” She managed to yell before the fruitlord clasped his sweaty palm around Twilight’s horn.

The alicorn flew across the carriage and smashed into the back as she slumped unconsciously into a heap, sparking with magical energy while the lord stood dazed, unsure of the situation. The horses suddenly disappeared into thin air, sending the cart careering forwards uncontrollably until it finally came to rest teetering on the edge of the cliff.

“You fucking idiot!” Rainbow screamed, flapping up into his acne-covered face and locking eye contact. “What were you thinking?”

Before he answered, the fruitlord leant against the metal handrail around the outside of the carriage to support himself.

The moment contact was made, a bright spark flashed where hand met steel and a large boom shook the landscape as the cart flipped over and crashed down the hillside in a maelstrom of limbs and splintered wood. The two pegasus ponies quickly jumped out of the way and hovered above as it fell.

Eventually, the dust settled and signs of life were visible in the mangled wreckage. Rainbow sighed in relief as a white hoof emerged from the rubble and rarity hauled herself out. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash swooped down and landed nearby, trotting over to check if she was alright.

There was sound again as The Fruitlord burst out, sending pieces of wood flying in all directions. He carried the limp form of Twilight Sparkle on his shoulders and laid her down on the grass as soon as he was clear of the carriage.

“She’s still alive!” He called over to the ponies a few metres away with his ear on her chest.

They sighed in relief as the 3 of them hurried over to where their friend lay.

“She looks like she has a twisted wing.” The fruitlord pointed out, gesturing to the contorted appendage. “She’ll probably be out for a while yet, too, we should make camp here.”

Rainbow dash didn’t like taking orders from this cretin, but she reluctantly agreed that he was right. The ponies began salvaging what supplies they could from the mangled debris and collected bits of dry wood from the surrounding area to make a fire. Meanwhile, the lord tried to make himself look cool by fixing Twilight, so he horrendously patched up her wing with a bit of cloth and poured some water into her mouth like he’d seen people do in films.

Rainbow looked at him with disdain, and wondered if they would ever even make it to New Stalk City with him with them. She stared into the dark endlessness of the forest ahead.

It was going to be a long trip.

Chapter 6 - The Forest

It was before dawn when Rainbow Dash woke up, unable to sleep soundly on the damp, rocky forest floor. She looked around at her surroundings, the pile of broken timber that was once a shoddy pear-built carriage, the pulsating remains of the small campfire, and the sleeping forms clustered around it. She stood up, stretching and yawning, and took a short stroll away from the camp to rouse her muscles after the uncomfortable night. The wet leaves beneath her hooves crunched mutely as the pony walked, looking forwards into the dimly lit woodland at the gnarly trees; the ones in the distance appeared to be broad leaved, unlike the oaks and birches they were under presently.

That was when it struck. The extremely cliche feeling of being watched that one always seems to get while alone in a spooky forest at night. Rainbow was suddenly gripped by the snaking tendrils of paranoia, shooting her eyes around at every slight sound. She felt a supernatural urge to get out of there and bolted into the air, Rainbow Dash looked back behind her and thought she saw something run out from the bushes right next to where she’d been standing.

The pegasus continued flapping upwards and bashed her way through the spidery upper canopy, twigs and leaves grasping for the smallest ray of sunlight beyond the forest’s endless shade. She finally burst out and looked far away for the first time recently. To the east, from whence they had come, was the edge of the wood, bordered by the steep incline they had crashed down. The road wound its way around the perimeter off to the mountainous north, stretching out of sight behind the treeline. Next, Rainbow squinted off into the west, where they were headed. Her sight was mostly filled with the green carpet of jungle, but a long way away, in the hazy early morning distance, she thought she could see their destination -- a tall spire stretching to the heavens.

With three of the four compass directions covered, Rainbow Dash turned her head to the south, but couldn’t see beyond the forest when the only light was a twinge of orange over the fields of East Pearussia. The pony’s vision was suddenly dazzled by something bright in front of her. Dash squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shake the stained spots from her retina, opening them again a moment later to see what the light was. Over beyond the southern horizon a tiny plume of orange twirled into the sky and dissipated, appearing to leave the world darker than when it had entered it. Paranoia seized control of Rainbow Dash again and she shot back down to the camp, suddenly remembering that she’d left her party behind, vulnerable in their slumber, and that she was supposed to be being loyal.

Back in the campsite, the pegasus was relieved to find that everything was as she had left it, and she could therefore still pretend that she had kept them all safe through the dangerous night. Despite this, she was still extremely anxious, and was sure that there was something stalking them on the ground. Dash decided it was time for them to evacuate, and set out to rouse her still snoring co-travellers.

“Everybody wake up!” Rainbow Dash shouted into the camp, flapping off the ground. Her campmates bolted upright, startled by the sudden disruption and blearily looked around to find a culprit.

“It’s barely sunrise, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity complained, trying to lie back down, but her friend zipped over and plucked her out of her sheets into standing.

“I have been very loyally keeping guard since I woke up some time ago, and I have decided that we are no longer safe here. We must continue our push towards New Stalk City and the apple king.

The Fruitlord pulled his stained shirt on and rolled away from the purple horse whom he had been “keeping stable” throughout the night. “Why isn’t it safe?” He asked, “Twilight’s still unconscious, we can’t travel well with her in this state.” He lifted up one of her hooves and dropped it again to accentuate his point.

“I feel like somebody has been watching us, waiting.” She shuffled uncomfortably. “You’ll have to trust me, I’m pretty much the most important character here now Twilight’s out.”

“Good point.” The Fruitlord commented, lurching over to the carriage remains with his hunchbacked gait. “We can make a stretcher out of these bits to carry Twilight.”

“I am a fashion designer with magic” Rarity added. “I shall make it.”

The unicorn walked over and picked up some wooden poles and some canvas from the wreck and began to swirl them around one another in her light blue aura. Her tongue poked out of her mouth in concentration as the pieces began to weld themselves together into something vaguely resembling a stretcher.

“It’s just two sticks and a bit of cloth.” Rainbow deadpanned.

“I’m not sure it will even hold her weight.” The Fruitlord inspected the shoddily built thing.

“Oh don’t be so pessimistic darlings,” Rarity defended, “I know what I’m doing.”

“Well, I suppose it’s the best we’ve got.” The Lord shrugged, and hauled the limp pony onto the makeshift carrier. “Let’s move out.”

The trees seemed to bend over imposingly towards the travellers as they made their way deeper into the forest, leaving the plains and charted territory behind. The deeper they got, the thicker the underbrush became until it was almost impossible for Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to heave the stretcher through the branches and the party was forced to a halt.

“We can’t go on like this.” Rainbow complained, lowering Twilight to the ground. “The only way we’re going to make progress is if me and Fluttershy can carry this thing above the tree layer.”

“It’s ok, I have a plan.” The Fruitlord said. “like you say, you pegasi are going to have to take Twilight over the canopy to get anywhere, but the rest of us can’t fly. Because of this, I’ll go on on my own and try to find an easier path through while you three keep heading west. Rarity will be able to magic some brush away to get herself going and she can send up a beacon to keep us all in contact. Sound good?”

“Not at all.” Dash replied, “But it’s better than anything I can be bothered to think up. Let’s do it.”

With that, Rarity sent up a glowing blue beam from her horn straight into the sky and through the clouds. “I’m ready.” She confirmed.

“Are you?” Rainbow asked the yellow pony behind her, eliciting a nod. “Alright then, let’s go.” The two flyers promptly rose through the leaves, clutching the canvas stretcher in their hooves as they went.

Soon, The Fruitlord was left alone in the freshly forged path, with creepers and grasses in every direction. He had no idea what he was doing or why that plan he just thought up had to involve him going off on his own, but here he was, and it was adventuring time.

***

From above the shadow of the trees, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy could see that the sun had fully risen, and it now hung over the eastern hills, casting an orange outline around the wispy clouds high above. The distance was obscured by the mist of early morning, so the ponies had only the sun to guide them in the right general direction. From the forest below an orchestra of birds, or whatever the fruit equivalent was, sung away merrily in the dawning sunlight.

“Are you managing okay down there Rarity?” Rainbow asked, shouting in the direction of the soft blue beam emanating from the canopy.

“Quite alright, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity said, “It’s so much easier to get through with just one pony.”

“a’ight.” The pegasus replied, continuing the steady push onwards.

***

The further The Fruitlord went from his starting point, the stupider he realised this plan of his was. Of course there wasn’t going to be a fucking path, this was virgin forest, who was there to make one? He briefly turned around and looked up at the clouds to his right illuminated light blue by Rarity’s beacon, and considered rejoining the group. No, he thought, It’s only been 20 minutes, I can’t give up already. Just as his will was beginning to bend, The Fruitlord punched another small tree out of his way and burst out into what looked very much like a path, and a good one at that. He stamped around a bit, laughing, to make sure he wasn’t just imagining it and looked up to see which direction the infrequent shafts of sunlight originated from. It went from east to west. It was perfect. The Lord spun around to find the location of his companions only to find his vision filled with glowing eyes and dripping fangs. Realisation struck: this wasn’t a path…

It was a game trail.

Chapter 7 - Of Bananas and Trees

The Fruitlord reflexively swept up a broken branch from the forest floor and swung it with all his might up and across the creature’s malformed head. To even his surprise, the animal collapsed immediately, its head exploding and coating the nearby trees with sticky purplish-red fluid. The Fruitlord wiped up a small amount on a finger and dabbed it onto the end of his tongue. It was… grape juice?

He looked down at the animal’s corpse and, sure enough, it wasn’t just one piece, it was an entire bunch of dark purple grapes. He noticed that not all the grapes were the same however, some of them were different shapes, forming legs, feet and a recognisable torso. Before he could examine further, The Fruitlord was startled by the lifeless body suddenly twitching, and within a moment the grapes were on their feet and stumbling around stupidly. The lord watched in horror as a few of the torso grapes began to move independently from the rest, and started sprouting teeth and ears. He took a short moment to glance at the soft blue beam of light bobbing through the sky, then took off at a pace he was entirely unfamiliar with.

“I wonder where the Fruitlord has got to.” Rarity said to her companions only a few metres above her head. “He really doesn’t seem competent enough to manage on his own, if you ask me.”

“I hear that.” Rainbow Dash replied with a snort.

As if on cue, the undergrowth nearby burst apart and the fruitlord tumbled out into the dirt, covered in cuts and scrapes, and tightly pursued by a number of angry, snarling grape-beasts.

“Kill them Rarity! Quickly!” He yelled, as he went to cover his head with his pale, skinny arms.

Without speaking, the unicorn’s magic signal beam turned from blue to an alarming, burning red. She swept her head in an arc and the rigid beam followed, cutting through the trees as though they weren’t there and setting fire to the area immediately nearby. The fiery death laser quickly reached the grapes and sliced both creatures neatly in two. The individual grapes that had avoided the direct beam exploded from the heat and threw juice all over the nearby area. The job done, Rarity’s beam of ultimate destruction cooled down with a whine and the pony collapsed to the floor.

In the burning aftermath of the sulph-furious weapon, the trees above crackled softly as the flames died into embers that fluttered down. The huge black bounded tear in the canopy allowed a sliver of blue to be seen beyond. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had descended with Twilight to see what had occurred, and the group gathered around the exhausted Rarity.

“That was scary as shit” Rainbow Dash commented, “I didn’t even know you knew how to do stuff like that.”

“Well I don’t think it fits my character very well so I don’t bring it up.” Rarity replied from the floor, between breaths.

“Well it saved my skin.” The Fruitlord said, “So I should thank you for that. I hope it hasn’t taken too much out of you.”

“I’m alright.” The unicorn said, and rose shakily to her feet. “The side effects don’t last too long.”

Soon enough, the party were moving again, and the Fruitlord decided that he wouldn’t go off on any solo adventures again in the near future. They hadn’t made it too far, however, when Rainbow Dash shouted down from above the trees.

“Uh, guys, I don’t want to cause any panic but I think there’s something following you.” She said.

“How do you mean?” The Fruitlord responded, looking all around.

“The trees behind you, they keep moving. I think it must be something fairly big.” The pegasus replied. “Just keep an eye out, that’s all.”

Before the ground party had even made it 10 more feet, Rainbow yelled something unintelligible from above and the undergrowth to their rear burst open, and three more grape beasts sprinted out, snarling and drooling through their ill fitting grape jaws. Rarity and the Fruitlord screamed and ran as fast as they could in the other direction. They didn’t make it very far, however, before they were stopped dead in their tracks by an enormous clawed foot almost as big as one of the ponies. They looked up and took in the monstrosity before them, almost as tall as the trees themselves, this bunch of grapes must have been ten times the size of any of the others they’d seen.

“Well,” The Fruitlord shakily began, “Looks like we’re in the shit a bit here.”

“Yes, this large monster made of grapes is about to kill us.” Rarity said, seemingly unfazed by the perilous situation.

As the alpha beast began to close in, it let out a horrifying, and eerily human scream, like a woman getting raped in an echoey alleyway. It was about to lunge when the gigantic monster inexplicably crunched into the ground with a yelp. The three creatures behind turned tail and ran away in panicked fear, only to be speared through their backs and simultaneously pinned to the floor, whining. At a second look, the largest animal was trapped under a mesh of sinewy ropes, weighted around the edge with rocks.

With a burst of frenzied hollering and shouting, a large group of bananas jumped down from the treetops and began to loudly dismember the creatures they had trapped grape by grape. The monsters howled in pain as each of their body segments was wrenched off and carried away by a member of the banana tribe, who seemed totally comfortable with it, laughing and joking with each other. Two of them had shoved their grapes onto their elongated heads and were charging and headbutting each other in front of a small cheering crowd, before they were scolded and broken up by an older fruit.

Soon enough, all that was left of the grape-beasts were twitching woody skeletons, and the Fruitlord thought that the bananas had gone their own way and totally ignored the strange foreign trespassers. Alas, it was only a moment before the two pegasus ponies and the stretcher tumbled through the tree canopy with a shout and thudded into the ground under a weighted net of their own. Immediately afterwards a circle of bananas somersaulted from the bushes in every direction and shoved spears in the faces of the party, shouting unintelligibly.

Unable to resist, all of the ponies and the fruitlord were tied with ropes and forced to march back to the banana village fairly close by. As Twilight was still unconscious, The Fruitlord carried her on his shoulders, clearly an extremely difficult task for him as evidenced by his naturally pustulating red face getting even redder and even greasier.

The banana village, when they got there, was actually strangely tranquil. the cleared trees meant that the entire settlement was illuminated and the little painted mud huts looked quite comfy with the little trails of smoke curling from holes in the roofs. Young bananas ran around in the empty spaces between the huts and adults talked and laughed around the currently smouldering bonfire in the centre. All activity ceased as the captives were walked through the huts and to a wooden cage at the far side. Rainbow Dash felt uneasy as the dozens of eyes bored into her, clearly so alien in this place. She feared that with Twilight unconscious and Rarity too weak to use magic, they might not be able to escape in time.

The bananas themselves seemed less horrendously inept than the pears the ponies had come across at the beginning of their travels. These fruits had very rudimentary stringy arms with two claw like fingers on the end of each. They moved themselves around with these arms, using their pointed torsos as a third support. The inside of the banana curve was the front of the creatures, with one eye in the centre and a circular, lamprey like mouth. The eyes of the bananas were very much the same as those of the pears, with bulging blood vessels and a complete lack of eyelids.

The travellers were thrown into the muddy cage and remained there until nightfall, when their yellow hosts grew irritable and rowdy. Rainbow Dash watched as they all began to gravitate towards the now raging central bonfire. Each fruit grabbed a grape from the enormous pile and used their unusual mouths to suck out the pulp of the grape, before throwing the remains onto the fire.

The bananas then broke out into a frenzy of dancing and singing around the fire, their undulating voices drowning out the gentle ambience of the jungle night. The chanting became louder and louder as time went on, and the dancing ever more wild and uncontrolled. Eventually, the festivities reached a crescendo and the bananas went totally crazy, tearing into each other and throwing flaming pieces of wood in all directions.

“What the fuck are those things doing?” Rainbow Dash yelled over the cacophony of screams and crashes.

“Killing each other and throwing burning stuff around.” Rarity replied, watching the spectacle vacantly, the flames reflected in her enormous pupils.

“Yes but why?” Rainbow frustratedly snapped back.

Rarity shrugged, “For a good time?”

Not knowing how to respond, Rainbow Dash turned her attention to the Fruitlord sitting in the corner of the cage, Twilight draped limply over his lap.

“Could you stop touching her for one minute?” She said between gritted teeth. The Fruitlord self-consciously retracted his spidery hand from the pony’s tangled mane and muttered an apology under his breath.

A heavily intoxicated banana broke away from pummeling another in the face with a large charred rock and instead chose to stagger drunkenly towards the cage in which the captives were being held. a whole portion of the fruit’s thick skin had been peeled away and was dragging behind it, revealing the soft, pale innards. Its bulging eye had also sustained some damage, with a light yellow fluid slowly leaking out of it.

“oh Jesus Christ, what does this thing want?” Rainbow Dash complained, slouching onto her haunches.

“Don’t worry.” Rarity said, rising to her feet. “I’ve got this.” She swaggered over to the bars of the cage and leant against them.

“hey guurl” The banana slurred, collapsing onto the wooden bars.

“Hello mr banana.” Rarity replied. “Can’t help but notice you’ve got a fair few grapes over there.”

“you bet we’ve got lots of fuckin' grapes.” The banana boasted, “The grapes in our land are the greatest in the forest!”

“And you expect me to take your word for that?” Rarity asked incredulously, looking down her snout at the disgusting, oozing fruit before her.

“Ey you don’t need to believe me, you can try for yourself.” The banana wobbled back over to the grape pile, fighting off attackers and dodging flaming projectiles all the way. He grabbed a purple ball and ducked and dived his way back to the cage.

“Here you go girl, eat up.” He handed the fruit through the bars and Rarity grabbed it in her telekinesis, wincing slightly at the use of magic so soon after a death beam. She took a big bit out of the grape, spraying juice onto her face, neck and chest.

“Hm, you’re right.” she said with a mouth full of pulp, swaying slightly on her feet. “This is really good shit. I can’t just take this from you without giving anything in return, here, have some of this.”

A blue line sliced through the air in front of the unicorn’s face and two baggies fell out of it. She picked them up with magic and hovered them through the cage to the banana. “Here,” she said, “try some of this.”

The banana tipped the entire bag into its unusual sucker mouth, eliciting a gasp from Rarity. Its already enormous pupil swelled up even further and the fruit began to shake violently.

“holy fuuuck” It shouted “This is unbelievableeeee! Do you have any more of this shit?”

“Oh yes.” Rarity smirked. “lots more. Even better, I can show you how to make your own, if you’ll let us out of this cage.”

Rainbow Dash immediately caught onto the plan and stared at Rarity in disbelief.

“Ey you just let me go and tell the others, we’ll get you out of there.” The banana said, lurching back over to the fire. Everyone stopped murdering each other and looked at their coked up friend, before moving their eyes over to the captives. Before long, the crowd of grievously wounded fruit hobbled their way over to the cage and unlocked it.

Rainbow Dash sat curled up in the outskirts of the village, looking in at the crowd in the centre, Rarity giggling in their midst and producing more and more narcotics from thin air, each more unusual and exotic than the last. The bananas were fascinated by the plethora of substances, not used to anything beyond their grapes. They smoked, ate and huffed their way through the selection of powders and pills until they could barely stand up.

The Fruitlord wandered over and sat down cross legged next to the pegasus, resting his chin on top of his hands. “Twilight still isn’t coming around.” He said sadly.

“Well I hope she gets better soon.” Rainbow replied, “I don’t want to spend any more time with these weirdos than I have to.” She glanced over at the dancing fruits, covered in fine white dust. “I’m also sick of having so much dialogue, I was pretty happy as a side-character.”

The fruitlord chuckled slightly uncomfortably at this outburst and looked away to see an old-looking, slightly more sober banana hopping in his direction.

“Your friend has bestowed a wealth of new information on us, including the ancient knowledge of growing our own mind bending substances. We no longer have to rely on the grape migrations for sustenance.” The banana said, addressing Rainbow Dash. “You must be proud of her.”

“I guess.” Rainbow shrugged in reply.

“In return, our tribe will release you from captivity and find other fitting sacrifices for the sky god.” The old fruit announced happily, “We cannot thank you enough. Consider us bananas to be forever indebted to you, and if any one of you are ever in our land, never worry, as we will be sure to keep you safe.”

The banana turned to go back to the group, but quickly changed his mind. “And one more thing,” He said, “Rarity tells us your friend is unwell. Please, bring her to my hut and I will try my best to repair any damage.”

“That sounds great.” Rainbow Dash said, standing up. “Fruitlord, go and bring her over.”

In the crude mud hut, the elder banana erected a cooking pot half filled with grape juice and threw in a few assorted leaves in a cliche mysterious witch doctor kind of a way. He then heated the mixture and stirred it with a large stick for a few minutes. Once the herbal potion had cooled down to a reasonable temperature, he poured a fairly large amount down the unconscious pony’s mouth, a lot of liquid escaping and dribbling down the sides of her muzzle.

Twilight suddenly awoke with a start, gasping for air and breathing unhealthily fast. Her pupils filled up almost her entire eyes and she began to quake violently for a few seconds before calming back down.

“What the fuck just happened?” She blearily asked, looking at Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy by the wall of the hut. “Oh hey guys, you know I just woke up from the weirdest dream. We were all in a weird fruit world and had to help some lanky ginger fuckwit save the world or something.”

The Fruitlord looked hurt and timidly cleared his throat, prompting Twilight to look over in his direction. She cried out in shock at the sight of him, then several times immediately following as she took in her surroundings and the fruit creatures all around.

She took a moment to compose herself. “well.” She said, “as it unfortunately happens, this situation is not just a nightmare, and is something we need to deal with. So what happens now?”

***

The party said their goodbyes and were escorted from the village by a banana guide. Rarity lagged behind, giving last little tips and bidding farewell to her new friends. Once they were on the trail, Twilight began to wonder what had occurred while she was out cold.

“What actually happened while I was out cold?” Twilight asked while they were traversing an overgrown trail, following their guide.

Rainbow Dash spoke up from the back of the line. “The long and short of it is that we stretchered you through this forest, Rarity fought off some angry grape monsters with a death laser, some bananas killed yet more grape monsters and kidnapped us, Rarity saved us once again by bargaining her way out of captivity with narcotics and we woke you up with the help of an old guy.”

“I didn’t miss anything interesting then.” Twilight replied.

“The Fruitlord also touched you up loads while you were out, in case you wanted to know.” Rainbow added. The alicorn didn’t reply.

After many more hours of stumbling over tree roots and hacking through plant life, the endless jungle finally started to break up, with trees becoming more sparse and more sunlight breaking through, shooting down in shafts onto the mulchy ground.

“I cannot accompany you any further.” The banana guide said solemnly, “I must return to my village now, you can see the way out of the forest yourselves.”

“Why can’t you leave the forest?” Twilight asked, “does sunlight fuck you up or something?”

“No. Our people have not left this forest for hundreds of years. Legends tell that we were first driven here by a formidable beast, and that any banana who leaves will be cursed by it, and bring death and famine to his village. This monster lives in the mountains to the south, do not venture there if you value your lives. I must go now, travel safely.” And with that, the banana ran back off into the thick darkness of the trees, leaving the party alone once more.

“I think I know what he was talking about.” Rainbow Dash said once the guide had gone.

“What do you mean? You believe his silly superstitious fairy tales?” Twilight replied incredulously.

“Yesterday morning, while everyone was still asleep, I looked out above the trees.” Rainbow said. “I saw some sort of enormous flame to the south. Maybe that’s what that guy was on about.”

The Fruitlord spoke up, “Perhaps, Dash. But for the time being lets just keep heading for New Stalk City, and see where we can go from there.”

The ponies and the man continued out to the edge of the forest until they finally broke out of the last scrubs and saplings and got a good view of the next step of their journey.

Laid out before them was a vast grassy plain. It was unlike the neon green fields surrounding St Peartersburg however, as the ground was uneven and wild, and the grass was long, marshy and brown. These weren’t cultivated plains, they were untouched by man or fruit. Deep gorges cut through the land, and craggy rocks poked out from it, making jagged cliffs and crumbling slopes. A number of streams cut through the grass, feeding into a large river running down from the mountainous southern border and towards the west where the party were heading.

And there, on the horizon directly ahead, an enormous structure towered over the landscape, poking into my butts and out of sight. The lower parts of the thing were covered in stone and wood, and loomed over the surroundings like a fortress, although the upper parts were still bare and brown, with a rickety scaffolding skeleton separating the two distinct layers.

“Behold,” The Fruitlord announced, with his arms stretched in front of him, “New Stalk City.”