Chapter 1
As humans, we experience the world around us through our five basic senses: taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight. These five ways of observation allow us to form opinions about the world as a whole, its people, and the way they interact with it. What then, would happen should one be born without one of those five attributes that so many take for granted?
That was my life as a whole, having been born without the gift of sight.
Blindness is a novelty among those that can see, and many of the questions I receive in regards to my “condition” are repetitive at best, with some being downright offensive. Questions more often than not revolved around how I get along without being able to see, or what it’s like to not be able to use my eyes the way they were meant to be. Having been blind for nearly twenty-five years (my whole life), I had developed a bit of a sick sense of humor in regards to my “disability” (by all that’s holy, I hate being treated like a cripple). More often than not when I’m asked what it’s like to be blind, I respond with something along the lines of, “It’s not too bad. I don’t have to stare at crimes against fashion all day long, so I can count that blessing.”
Needless to say, I’m left to my own devices most of the time.
Other than the few community outreach programs or school children that might come to see me every now and then, life in a hospital is rather boring. It’s a bland routine of waking up, eating and drinking, washing, and then spending the day reading. As a whole, I speak so little that many of the nurses and other patients believed that I was mute. Many of them still do, in fact. However, seeing as how I am not the most social of people, I tended to be just fine with being left alone.
Now I know you may be thinking, “But wait, why are you confined to a hospital if you’re just blind?”
That thinking would be very logical, given the fact that many of the seeing-impaired live fully-functional lives in normal society. Being unable to use my eyes is only the more common of my two medical issues, and the hospital I was “housed” in was far from the norm. It was in fact a government-sanctioned hospital that dealt with uncommon maladies, which was a nice way of saying it was a place where they could legally study strange cases like me.
What is my strange case, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.
Blindness was not the only thing I was born with. From the first few minutes of life after I was birthed, the doctors discovered a rather strange anomaly. Whereas a normal infant’s heart rate was expected to be within 70-190 bpm, mine was far lower than it should have been; my resting heart rate was that of an olympic-class athlete, at 40 bpm. Later in life, I was told by my juvenile caseworker that the doctors within the NICU advised my parents that I would likely not live past a day or two, if even through the first night.
Losing two children before me and having a miscarriage earlier in her life, my mother could not handle the emotional strain. She and her husband left me with the doctors, never to be seen or heard from again. Phone calls to her went unanswered, and even a personal visit from a doctor to her residence resulted in finding the house had been sold with no forwarding address provided.
I learned about my past at the age of ten, when I became mentally and emotionally mature enough to want to know what happened to my parents, and why I had to be confined to a hospital.
Even with all that having happened, it could not be said that I didn’t have family. True that I was rather solitary in regards to social interaction, but the few people I did let into my life became very important to me. Sandra Colvin ‒ my caseworker ‒ became what I imagined a mother would be like; a nurse named Michael Clarke became an older brother for me. That was not to say that I didn’t go through the common slew of emotions dealing with abandonment and feelings of imprisonment, but with those two to guide me, I did alright compared to how many others may have coped.
Anyhow, it was because of my bradycardia that I was confined to this hospital for what was likely to be my life. I knew for a fact that the imposed government didn’t give a damn about me, but luckily Michael and Mrs. Colvin did, and that made life bearable for me. Bi-weekly were tests done on my blood and tissues to find out why my slow heart rate (which was now close to 25 bpm) hadn’t affected my health or growth, even allowing me to approach my twenty-fifth birthday with no discernable negative effects to my wellbeing. Medically speaking, I had been told many times that I could likely live completely fine on my own. Still, this was a government hospital after all, which pretty much gave them free-range on testing and probing people like me, somehow staying within the bounds of the law as long as they provided “enrichment” to patients.
The truth of the matter was that I was a prisoner though, and I knew it.
I knew my limits though. I knew that as a blind man, there wasn’t much I could do to escape my lot in life. Sure, I had read about everything from ancient history to modern law, and I had also kept my body strong by forming a training regiment to be sure that even if one part of my body was working incorrectly, the rest would be in pristine shape. The fact still remained that even if I wanted to break out of my prison through force and cunning, I would need to see to do it. It was true that those without sight developed stronger smell, hearing, and touch to compensate, but such balancing would only go so far. I was stuck, and there was no getting out of it.
My life had its perks though. For one, people didn’t really expect much out of someone that couldn’t see. At one time such a view offended me, but now I just saw it as a reason to be lazy when I felt like it. Most of my days would be spent listening to television or the radio, or reading (as was more commonplace than the others). It was during these first introductions to programming that I came across something that caught my fancy more than other activities:
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
It was a television show from years ago that was originally marketed toward young girls, but became overwhelmingly popular with people of all ages. I couldn’t see it, of course (and Michael’s descriptions were mediocre at best), but the voices told their own story. The voices allowed me to imagine my own world in unabashed beauty, and let me create my own adventure for the characters as I listened to them. In some ways, I was glad I couldn’t see. It allowed me to imagine things with perfection, even if I knew in the back of my mind that the world was anything but.
The story of the television show allowed me a small bit of unfettered joy. No matter the mental strife I was feeling, it always raised my spirits to find just what the characters would get into next. Obviously, I was quite crushed that such a wonderful series was forced to end with Discord basically destroying everything. Quite a surprise considering he had been supposedly reformed by Fluttershy, but then again, any good story has shocking parts here and there.
The ending was what shocked me the most, however.
I saw the last two episodes while Michael was out of town, which meant that I had to rely on my hearing and knowledge of the characters’ voices to imagine what was happening. From what I could piece together, there was a great battle taking place between Discord and another unnamed combatant. For what seemed like ages the two fought, until the chaos god struck down his foe and stood triumphantly over them. He gloated about how even at their attempt to atone for the past, it was all for naught. He recited a line (which for the life of me, I can’t remember) and the episode ended with a scream of agony...a very feminine scream, and one I recognized.
I had to go back and listen to the first two episodes of the show again just to be positive, but sure enough, the voice was that of Nightmare Moon. I had never expected in a thousand years that one of Equestria’s greatest villains would (somehow) return to fight against a greater evil, all for the sake of a land that hated her. It showed just how little the fans of the show knew about her personality, only seeing her as a rather unimportant and one-dimensional bad guy that wanted to bring about eternal night. I couldn’t help but think there had to be more to her story than the show portrayed.
Normally I would spend my days reading or pondering the mysteries revolving around the My Little Pony story, but today was a special day for me. Today I would be twenty-five, which meant...well not much except that I was almost thirty. It didn’t matter to me though, because Mrs. Colvin told me that she and Michael would be coming to spend some time with me, which would allow me to imagine I had a real family, if only for a day.
I woke and performed my normal morning routine, making my way by memory around the room with how familiar I was with my home. I’d had the same or similar rooms for nearly my whole life, so by now I knew their layout. That was besides the fact that I always set up my room in the exact same way; it made it easier to memorize. What caught me a little off-guard was the flashes of color that appeared in my vision, or at least what I imagined vision would be like if I could see.
Most people imagine blindness as pure blackness, but it’s quite a bit different than that. Complete blindness is not seeing black all the time, but rather a void. What seeing people perceive as sight is a sense I simply didn’t possess. I didn’t see anything because I didn’t see. That’s not to say that blind people didn’t get random neurons firing here and there, sending information to the occipital lobe of the brain that is interpreted as colors or strange shapes that don’t exist in reality. Such a phenomenon wasn’t new to me, as I’d had said events happening since birth, but lately things had changed...lately meaning this morning.
For the first time, it wasn’t a mere flash of color. Instead, it was a vast expanse of...something. Along with this were little pinpricks of other things that were a different shade of color than the rest of it. What dominated the vision was a huge round thing that seemed to radiate. I guess that was the best way to describe it. After all, terms like “light” and “dark” weren’t relatable to me, nor could I describe colors. Still, it was enough to be able to ask someone about it when I had the chance, and I resolved to do just that when Michael arrived with Mrs. Colvin. Maybe they’d know what I was seeing, or what my brain was imagining.
With that decided, I continued with my daily routine, right down to reading.
I enjoyed reading, even with how hard books were to come by for me. After all, the majority of the books provided to patients weren’t printed in braille, so I had to take what I could get. The Lord of the Rings was great, for example. For today though, I focused on a random book that I found in the rec room. Without even checking the title, I picked it up and started reading.
Hours passed as I read. I knew this because the room warmed as sunlight streamed through the window I sat next to, giving me a happy smile as I continued to read.
The sound of the main door to the ward opening broke the focus on my book, and I closed it as I heard a very familiar stride approach. The *CLICK CLACK* of high heels made their way to me before stopping, and I allowed myself a soft laugh as I smelled a perfume of wildflowers.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Colvin.” I greeted happily.
I stood before being embraced, and I allowed my own arms to hold the woman close to me as I relished her warmth. “Good afternoon, Christian.”
“Heya, bud.” greeted another familiar voice, this one lower in tone and younger.
I released the woman and caught Michael’s hand in my own before embracing him in what he called a “bro hug”. I never understood the term, but had come to understand that men didn’t really hug the same way women did.
I smiled again as I released my favorite nurse. “Hello Michael. How are the two of you today?”
“We’re just fine.” Mrs. Colvin replied happily. “We’ve just been deciding what we should get you for your birthday.”
I sighed and shook my head. “You two didn’t have to get me anything, really. I’m just happy having the two of you come by to see me.”
“Oh come on,” Michael retorted with a snort, “it’s your birthday. It’s not everyday a guy turns twenty-five, after all.”
I chuckled. “Usually just once in their life.”
I felt a nudge at my shoulder, and returned a laugh from Michael.
For a moment all was quiet before Mrs. Colvin stated, “Well, I’ll retrieve your gift from my car. I need to check it in with the front desk though, so please be patient. I’ll return shortly.”
I listened as she left, before turning to Michael, intent on questioning him about my strange vision. “Hey Mike, I was wondering if you could help me understand something.”
He gently pulled me back to sit on my chair near the window, and I heard him sit across from me. “What’s up?”
I shrugged, a little nervous. “Well, I saw flashes of colors again this morning when I woke, only this time it was really different. I was hoping that maybe you could tell me what I might be seeing, if anything.”
Silence followed for a moment, and I was rather sure he was considering what I’d told him. “You do know that such ‘visions’ are usually random, right? It probably isn’t anything.”
I sighed and nodded. “I know, just...just humor me for a moment.”
“Alright,” he replied, “shoot.”
“Well,” I began, trying to form a coherent thought before explaining, “it’s this really vast color covering everything as far as I can see. Upon that cover is little points of different color, and along with those is this big circle too. Any idea what that might be?”
A few moments of thoughtful humming followed my explanation, followed by the sound of the chair creaking as Michael leaned forward. “Well I’m not pretending to know exactly what you saw, but what you described sounds like the night sky. The big ‘cover’ is the sky backdrop, and those little points are stars in the distance. I’m thinking the big round thing is the moon.”
I kept quiet for a moment as I mulled the thought over. That would make sense, but at the same time it didn’t. Why would I be seeing something I’d never seen before?
“How could I know what the night sky looks like if I’ve never seen it?” I questioned aloud, though mostly to myself.
“I dunno,” Michael replied, confusion clear in his voice, “but the way the brain works is still vastly misunderstood. Maybe it’s coincidence, or maybe it’s some weird sixth sense that we don’t know about yet. After all, if you can live and breathe with an average heart rate of 30 bpm, I suppose almost anything’s possible.”
I chuckled at his words. “Yeah. The freak of nature seeing the night sky without actually seeing it isn’t that big of a stretch, I guess.”
“Yep.” he replied, followed by the sound of him standing. “Well, let’s get your daily checkup out of the way. Did you eat breakfast this morning?” I nodded. “Wash?” I nodded again. I felt him pick up my shirt as he inspected me for any changes to my body, but he froze as his hand brushed over my side. I felt as he pulled the side of my shorts down a bit, and he hummed thoughtfully. “Did you fall at all?”
I shook my head. “Not that I’m aware of. Why?”
He said nothing before moving to my other side, also pulling the side of my shorts down as he inspected my hip. “Because you’ve got bruises on either side, and they’re the same shape.” He hummed again in thought before he pulled my shorts back up and let my shirt fall. “Maybe you slept wrong or something. It’s not unheard of I guess, but it’s a little weird that the marks are the same shape. Do they hurt at all?” I shook my head. “Well, we’ll keep an eye on them. Tell me if you feel fatigued at all or nauseous.” I nodded before hearing him step away. “Other than that, everything seems to be alright.” He paused for a moment before clapping his hand on my shoulder. “And there’s Sandra. Alright then, let’s get this party started!”
I chuckled ruefully. “Party. Right.”
“Aww come on,” he pleaded pitifully, “you know we go all out for you, or at least as far as we’re allowed. We’d never forget about you, and we’re going to make sure this birthday is a good one. After all-”
“It’s not every day a guy turns twenty-five. I get it.” I interjected.
Michael chuckled. “Indeed. Alright then, what did you get ‘im, Sandra?”
A small wrapped box was offered to me, and I looked to where it had come from. “Really, you didn’t have to get me anything.”
“Oh come dear, I insist. Open it.” she gently coaxed.
I sighed and slumped into the chair as I began to tear at the paper. After revealing the present, I ran my fingers over it, feeling a velvet-like texture. It was flat, rectangular, and had a seam along the side. I pressed my fingers into the seam and felt the unknown gift open, revealing that it was a container of some sort. Inside was some smooth material that reminded me of silk, but packed within it was a chain-like object with…
“A crescent?” I questioned in confusion. I felt it with my fingers again and furrowed my brow. “What is this?”
“It’s a crescent moon pendant, dear. Crafted out of moonstone, and hung on a silver chain.” Mrs. Colvin explained softly.
I gasped in surprise. I didn’t know much of the civilian world, but from what I understood, both silver and moonstone were precious commodities. I also found it ironic that I might have had a vision of the moon this morning, and here my gift was that of a crescent moon.
I ran my fingers over the pendant again, feeling just how soft and smooth it was. “Mrs. Colvin…”
“Dear, I’ve told you many times to just call me Sandra. And none of that talk about you not being able to accept this.” I shut my mouth in surprise and felt as the necklace was taken from my grasp, followed by the sensation of cool metal against my collar. A few moments passed before she pulled away from me, and she hummed happily. “There. It looks wonderful on you.”
I reached up to my throat and felt for the pendant, finding and enclosing my hand around it. I smiled unabashedly, stating, “This might be the most wonderful thing I’ve ever been given. Thank you so much.” My happiness nearly fell to melancholy as I subtly wished to be able to see the real moon, but I pushed the thought away. No sense wishing for the impossible, after all.
I felt as warm arms embraced me, and I could tell by the feel and scent that it was Mrs. Colvin. I accepted the hug readily and returned it, allowing my smile to grow even larger. After a few moments we broke apart, but my smile did not abate. It truly was great to have good people around, few in number though they were. I treasured them nonetheless, and even without being able to see or live on my own, at that moment, I wanted for nothing.
The day came to a close as Michael set me in my room, making sure that I was fed and taken care of. He truly is a kind man, and I found myself wishing more people took an interest in other people as he did. I suppose that if he weren’t a rarity, the way he treated me wouldn’t be so special though. Even with that being the case, I always make sure to thank him for all he does for me.
With me left alone in my room again, I found my thoughts drifting to the image I had seen within my mind during the morning, and as if it had been called by my thoughts, the vision presented itself once more. It was more vivid now than before, and I found myself wishing it could last forever. For whatever reason, the image persisted for me, and I found myself smiling as the beauty began to relax me, eventually lulling me into a blissful sleep.
