Chapters The Fool on Arrival
A bright sunny day is how we begin this story.
The sun shone its gracious light upon the green lands and the silver, snow-capped mountains. Birds sang their song as they glide across the azure blue sky. A gentle summer breeze passed through the trees, giving an air of peace on a Wednesday on the 22nd of June. The forest was certainly a blessing from Mother Nature, blessing the Earth with food, shelter and oxygen. All the woodland creatures great and small relished the serene and tranquil moment in the late morning sun, closing their eyes and taking in the sounds of nature itself.
TAP-TAP! TAP-TAP! TAP-TAP! TAP-TAP!
The blissful moment was spoiled to the rhythmic sounds of metal claps tap-tapping down the dirt gravel path in the green forest. A tune of merriment hummed through the area as a tall skinny man walked a level below casual down the path. But this man was no ordinary man, he was...how we should say...odd?
He wasn’t just odd, one might say. He was a Fool.
The Fool.
The Fool’s face was concealed by a gold mask of comedy. His tuxedo was black on the torso, purple at the sleeves, separated by a large smile on his chest. His trousers were yellow-and-blue-striped (or was it, blue-and-yellow striped? The Fool didn't care which) with a smaller silver mask of comedy on each side of his thigh. His black and white taps shoes clapped the dirt ground with every step as he twirled his green orb tipped staff with ease as he sang to his favorite carnival song in his amusing slightly high voice:
"Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down,
The Fool tapped his staff on the tree stumps as he continued onward with his song.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! KNOCK-KNOCK, KNOCK-KNOCK KNOCK, KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!
"Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down,
The Fool did a sailor jig to keep up with the rhythm.
TAP, TAP, TAP! TAP, TAP, TAP! TAP-TAP, TAP-TAP TAP, TAP-TAP-TAP!
A bear in the nearby bushes scavenged through the brush, consuming the blueberries he could find to eat. His ears perked and he shot his head over the bushes to see a biped walking down the path, singing a most annoying song. The bear covered his ears and went back to eating the fruit. His temper started to boil up as The Fool went to another verse of the song.
"Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down,
His staff swayed through the bushes to help finish off the tune.
SWISH, SWISH, SWISH SWISH, SWISH, SWISH SWISH-SWISH, SWISH-SWISH...!
Unfortunately, The Fool’s staff swung into the bushes where the bear was hidden.
BONK-BONK!
In immediate response for the newly created lump on his head, the bear leapt out of the bushes, bellowing out a loud roar heard from miles on end. The bear's roar blew out a stream of air, swaying The Fool backwards and rained saliva on his colorful threads.
The roar continued on for minutes.
The Fool checked his wristwatch to time to the length of the animal's roar.
...
...
...
The Fool stifled a yawn beneath his mask.
...
...
...
The beast stopped his roaring. He looked at the oddly-dressed man with fiery rage in its eyes, a sure warning to anyone that their fates would meet a grisly end (if you would pardon that phrase). The Fool was sitting on a folding chair, reading the comics and sipping a mug of hot cocoa with a lifted pinkie. The bear growled, grabbing the attention of The Fool.
“Well it’s about time. You know how long you’ve kept me waiting for? I could’ve gotten my laundry done by the time you got through with your yowling.” The Fool looked over his suit. “Oh wait, I just did ‘bout five minutes ago. Hohohoho-ahahahaha!”
The man chuckled as he threw away the chair, comics and the mug of cocoa out of the picture. “Now what’s gotten your fur tied in a knot, Winnie? Someone stole your honey from you? Well, go find another gal and see if that makes your wife jealous.” The bear growled even more so while it pointed to the red lump rising from the top of his head.
The oddly dressed Fool examined the bump for a minute or two.
“Wow. I haven’t seen a head with a lump that red since my last doctor’s appointment,” the Fool chortled. “And what is it that doctors use to cure lumps like these?”
Then he was struck with an idea. He reached back to his staff and pulled it out in front of him. With one little BUMP, the wound went away.
Only to have it reappear on a different part on the top of his head.
The bear was feeling mighty P.O’d. The Fool reached up and gave the bump a series of light little taps with his staff. The bump finally disappeared into his noggin.
Then it reappeared in another spot on the head.
The bear was on the verge of a temper tantrum. The Fool shrugged with a sheepish grin (oh, wait. You can’t see his face). In a sudden desperate move, the Fool swung his staff back and CRACK! The bear howled and held his injury with both claws while the guffawing culprit hightailed it out of there. The bear’s eyes finally went red, roared one final time and started to give chase to The Fool.
The Fool’s tap shoes made a swift running rhythm as he tried to outrun the bear. He looked back to his chaser. The bear was plowing through the dirt path in a mad and raging frenzy.
“Uh-oh. Time to turn on the turbo,” he told the audience.
The Fool boosted his speed by a dust cloud. His tap shoes was clapping the ground faster than the applause in the studio audience. He looked back again and at a lump of fur with its claw ready to turn him into a human coleslaw appetizer. With one last trick up his sleeve, the Fool jumped and did a full 180 to the grizzly who already started to swing its claws at the jester.
“Goodbye.”
He snapped both of his fingers.
POP!
The Fool disappeared into bubbles just as the the bear hit the man. He looked at his claws and continued to charge ahead. By the time time he looked up, he was making a headfirst beeline right into a...
CRASH!
...tree.
The bear’s eyes spun around in opposite directions as tiny canaries flew around its head. The Fool reappeared with a POP! of bubbles sitting on the beast’s back. He cuffed the claws with an oversized pair of cuffs.
“You’re under arrest for streaking in the woods,” the Fool said in a gruff voice. “You’re not supposed to run bear-naked. Hohohohoho-hahahahaha!”
The Fool jumped off of the bear, did a full somersault in the air and landed on his shoes with a tap-tap. He walked over to the beast and put on a ranger’s hat on its head. “Remember, Boo-Boo: Only you can prevent florist friers.”
The Fool stopped and pondered.
“Or was it tourist criers? No, maybe is was Morris the Driver...” The Fool shrugged. “Ah, well. Doesn’t matter. Now back onto the road.”
The Fool swung his arm and his staff appeared out of nowhere in his hand. He disappeared over a small mound, humming the same merry song he was singing before his run in with Ted back there and held his staff at the upper part across his back.
Meanwhile, a certain yellow pegasus walked out of the bushes with a line of ducklings following behind her. “Here you go, little duckies,” Fluttershy said in a sweet, soft voice. “Now you take this path down a quarter of a mile and turn left. Then you’ll be back at your pond in no--”
Fluttershy gasped as she saw the bear lie at the tree with its claws cuffed behind its back, hurt and unconscious.
“Oh no! Mr. Bear, are you alright!?”
Fluttershy flew over to the bear and gently shook him. The bear opened its eyes and looked over to the pegasus, the same pegasus who helped curb the tension in his back. Now he wanted cold revenge served on a silver platter to the grinny-faced man.
“Oh, you poor, poor baby! What monster would do such a heinous thing to someone as sweet as you?”
The bear took a pinecone nearby with its teeth and drew in the dirt. He drew the face, the same face that taunted and outwitted his brute strength. Fluttershy covered her mouth with her hooves. The once cutesy concerned look for the bear turned into a mad scowl.
“Ooh...ooh, that big, dumb, meanie! How dare that thing come here and attack an innocent creature like that!” Fluttershy yelled to the sky and shook her hooves. “As Celestia as my witness, I shall avenge you, Mr. Bear! So swears Fluttershy!”
Fluttershy “ooped” and curled back into her mane in embarrassment.
“Umm...if that’s okay with you, Mr. Bear.”
The bear rolled its eyes.
Author's Note
First chapter of my Random story. Never did a Random Comedy before, so this is my forst time doing so. Now I'd like to know how I did. Remember to click on the thumbs and comment on my story.
Song: The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n73lXCzJUZ4
Strange Encounter of the Foolish Kind
Strange Encounter of the Foolish Kind
The Fool walked merrily down the dirt path to a part unknown. He hummed his “Merry-Go-Round Broke Down” tune as he carried his staff at the upper half of his back by his shoulders, his tap shoes tap-tapping on the ground beneath him while he followed the road to somewhere.
The Fool felt tired from walking. He slid the staff down his right arm, twirled it and thrust it in the ground. He took a deep breath and outstretched his arms as he soaked in the fresh summer sky.
“Oh, what a beautiful day it is today!” he sang out, his head uplifted towards the sky. “The sky is blue, the birds are singing and the sun is shining down on my face! Oh, wait, you can’t see my face 'cause I have a mask. Hohohoho-hahahahaha!”
The Fool lifted his staff out of the ground and swung it behind his back. He proceeded down the path and sung another tune.
“I’m walkin’ on sunshine!
BOOM!
Just as The Fool sung that last word to the verse, a clasp of thunder resounded in the sky. The well-dressed jester looked up and saw rainclouds move in as fast as the picked-up wind. Then he was drenched in a sudden downpour, dimming the whole entire area he walked in.
“--good.”
The Fool looked around him at the dreary field and shrugged. “Well, my mistake, I thought I was walking on something and I thought it was preferably sunshine. Oh well, as Momma Fool would say, 'Make the most out of whatever you have, my son.' And make it I shall, like I do every day! Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
To that end, the Fool took his staff and twirled it in his hand. He walked on the path into the storm as he began to sing.
“IIIIII’m singin’ in the rain,
The Fool jumped onto a skinny tree and clutched it by one arm and raised his free arm to the sky..
“I’m laughin’ at clooouuuds,
He jumped down and hugged the tree.
“The sun’s in my heeeaaart,
The Fool took off his hat, and held each item in one hand and lifted his soaked head back up to the gray skies.
“Come on with the rain,
With his hat back on, The Fool continued walking and spun his staff by the round end.
I walk down the laaaaane,
The Fool tossed his staff and began to dance.
“Daaaaancin’ in the raaaiiin,
The Fool turned on one foot and tapped with the other foot. He spun with his shoes a-tapping with his hand still gripping his staff before he once again took his hat off and lifted his masked face to the sky.
“I’m happy agaaaaiiin...”
He strut a few moves, turned and shot his arms to his sides. He took his hat, and twirled it with his hand back on his head. He motioned his hand over his staff as if he was playing a guitar with his prized possession, turned down on his knees and looked back up to the heavens.
“I’m singiiiiing,
CRACK!
A bolt of lightning struck where The Fool stood. The jester was now a walking pile of soot, still playing his imaginary guitar on his metal staff, wearing a bulletproof metal smile on his chest and concealed his face in a metal mask. The rain washed some of the soot off as The Fool coughed a smoke puff from his lungs.
*COUGH* “Let’s hope the audience likes a good song and dance more than the big palookas upstairs.”
The Fool took his trusty staff, kept twirling it in his hand and danced down the path. His shoes’ taps were drowned out by the pitter-patter of heavily falling rain. Wherever the path took The Fool, he hoped it was somewhere dry.
His threads were custom made and were machine-washable only.
^ W ^
The Fool whistled his rainy tune as the rain ceased its pour and set his tap shoe outside of the forest. Ten yards ahead of him, he saw before him a small and quaint village just over a quiet stream.
The Fool tilted his head in confusion.
“Hold on a minute,” he said, reaching into his tuxedo pocket. “This doesn’t look like Montreal to me.”
He took out a tiny, single folded square of paper. He unfolded, once, twice, three times, four...pretty soon, after forty unfolds, he was looking at a full-length map of the United States. He looked it over a few times and found his mistake.
“Oh, yep, yep...I knew I should’ve taken that left turn in Albuquerque.” The Fool looked over his map to the village ahead. “I wonder if the maroons in that neighborhood would point me in the right direction to the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival.”
In a quick flick of the wrists, the Fool folded his map back to its tiny square form. He adjusted his hat, spun his staff in midair and caught with his hand and ultimately walked to the village, hopefully to give a laugh and get directions to Canada.
^ W ^
WELCOME TO PONYVILLE
Behind the sign and in the village streets were ponies walking about, all of a different gender (mostly female), all of different types (unicorns, pegasus or neither) and all in a different style. The Fool tilted his head sideways in confusion.
“So this must be what they call a horse of a different color. Hohohohoho-hahahaha!” The Fool jumped off the edge of the sign and straightened himself up. “No matter. If I’m seeing them now, then I must be high or it must be something I ate. Either way, I'm getting answers here.”
The Fool inhaled deeply and jumped out from behind the sign. Every pony in the streets turned to the colorful biped at the edge of town.
“Greetings, my fellow mammalians! Does anyone know the way to Canada for the Comedy Festival!?”
The ponies looked at The Fool with big white eyes and tiny colorful dots in the center. Everyone stood frozen like a petrified statue. No one moved, said a word, or made a little noise. No burp, cough or even a little pfft .
...
...
...
“EEEEEEEEK! A MONSTER!”
A contagion of screams swept all over the entire village. The ponies ran around in a frenzied panic, knocking the flower stands over and taking refuge in a random building. The colorful equine ran around the streets, screaming their heads off in mindless fright.
“EVERYPONY RUN! WE HAVE A MONSTER IN PONYVILLE!”
“SOMEPONY CALL FOR PRINCESS TWILIGHT! THAT THING COULD POSSIBLY EAT US ALL!”
The Fool panicked too, for he looked around for any sign of a monster.
“A monster!? Where!? Where is it!?”
Everypony stopped and pointed a collection of hooves at the jester.
“YOU’RE THE MONSTER!”
The Fool jumped back in shock and shrieked, now knowing his screaming accidentally caused even more mass panic in the village. In one minute flat, the once thriving populace of ponies became nothing but a ghost town. The Fool could’ve sworn he saw a cross-eyed grey pegasus tumble on the ground along with the winds.
"Yep. Definitely something I ate," he told the audience.
The Fool walked inside slowly. Out through his one-way mirror lenses in his eyes, the jester saw doors closing, window shutters shut and welcome mats dragged inside. With his arms raised into the air along with his staff, The Fool stood outside the center of Ponyville and declared himself to the equine population.
"Now, now, fair citizens of Ponyville, there's no reason for you to be afraid of me! I bring good tidings and I'm in need of a direction to Canada! It is important that I go there before the 14th of July!" The Fool's plead did not bring the ponies out of their hiding places.
"Don't be afraid! I am not here to harm any of you!" The Fool shouted again. "I am here to bring you laughter and joyousness to your mundane lives! Anyone!? Anyone at all!?"
Still nothing.
The Fool felt an all too familiar feeling of loneliness and alienation. Feeling left out and all alone, The Fool regained himself and pulled his hat down over his head in shame and sighed. If there was one thing that could sadden a jester, it would be being all alone in the world.
“Oh, it never fails,” he said with melancholy. “Everyone runs away from me whenever I appear into a different town. They go an hide in the nearest trash can and wait for me until I walk out of town. Now everyone will see how sad I am under this mask.”
...
...
“Oh, wait. I’m wearing a mask, so no one can see my face. Hohohoho-hahahaha!”
The Fool spun his staff in his hand, tossed over his head and caught it with his other hand. “No matter. Now these ponies have made me sad. And for that, I’m gonna have them pay like I did with the other towns I have been to...” The Fool said with his face growing shady at the moment. “...And that is by having a good clean prank. Hohohoho-hahahaha!”
The Fool turned off the flashlight shining on his face and tossed it away. "Oh well. Time to plan out my usual mischief!"
With that said, the neatly dressed jester turned right down a random street and out the outskirts of Ponyville, chuckling as he ventured down the dirt road in a comical style.
^ W ^
Fluttershy galloped into the streets of Ponyville, slowly refilling itself minutes after the arrival of the strange bipedal creature. The yellow pegasus stopped and overheard the following conversations as she continued the search for the perpetrator who hurt her grizzly friend on the path.
"Did you get a look at that thing?"
"Yeah, what in tarnation was that?"
"I don't know. It looked like a sideshow that escaped from a freakshow."
"No kidding. Those colors on his outfit really clash. How garish."
"Not to mention that face. Huhuhuhuh."
"I know. That thing's face sure looked like it was up to no good, that no good varmint."
"Tell me about it. That smile on that face is gonna keep me up for weeks."
Fluttershy trotted meekly up to the conversing mares, turning her gaze away from the ponies and drawing circles with her hoof. "Umm...If you don't mind me asking, girls...are you talking about a creature with a face that's always smiling? Because, I need to find it and have him apologize to Mr. Bear and..."
"Actually, Fluttershy, we could really use a creature tamer like you right now," one of the mares, Rainbow Dash interjected.
"Oh...really?" Fluttershy asked.
"Of course, darling," Rarity said from the group. "You must simply retrieve that creature and bring him back here. That horrid outfit of his nearly burned my precious eyes out."
"Not to mention scarin' everypony to the point that mah cart was trampled over and now mah apples are spread all over the road like Zap Apple Jam." Applejack kicked a pebble in frustration with her forehoof. "That low down snake is gonna pay fer all o' the apples lost in that panic."
"Umm...actually, I was looking for him anyway, so..."
"You hear that, girls?" Rainbow Dash interjected Fluttershy once more. "Fluttershy has the situation taken care of, no problem. Now, Flutters, do you know where you could find a creature that stands about as tall as Princess Celestia and has a big goofy grin on his face?"
"Actually, I was hoping you would--"
"Hey, girls! Over here!"
Fluttershy, Rarity and Rainbow Dash trotted to Applejack, pointing at the muddy tracks in the road. It was a weird shoe print, with strange dot-like patterns near the edges of the shapes. "Ah reckon that whatchamacallit left this here print when it arrived here in Ponyville."
"What a weird shape," Rainbow Dash said mildly disgusted.
"I agree. That has to be about a ten and a half size shoe we're dealing with here," Rarity concurre, earning stern looks from her friends. "What?"
"Look, it doesn't matter what size this guy's shoe is!" Rainbow Dash said sternly. "All we need to know is where the owner of that shoe is headed."
"But the tracks lead on down that street," Applejack stated with a hoof pointing down the road. "And if Ah didn't know better, than those tracks must lead too..." Everypony gasped as they knew where exactly the biped was headed off to. "Oh no! We gotta get to the girls before that thing does!"
Fluttershy gasped. Her face transformed instant into a face of rage. "That big, dumb, meanie!! First he hurts Mr. Bear on purpose, now he's going after innocent little fillies!?" she yelled, drawing her friends back. "How dare he!! Now that big meanie is going to get the Stare!!"
Fluttershy instant recoiled herself, instantly realizing that she was drawing unwanted attention to herself.
"Umm, I mean...let's go?"
Just like the bear before, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applejack rolled their eyes.
Author's Note
Second chapter.
Enjoy! Comment! Like!
Song: Singin' in the Rain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkEvy-9yVyQ
Apple Fools!
Big Macintosh carried a pair of heavy barrels weighted down by the pile of apples contained. He set them down at a picnic table, where all the other apples were piled up in different baskets. It had been a hard day's work down at Sweet Apple Acres, where apples seemed to pop up every day just to be harvested for the occasion, minus the brief winter days.
"Eeyup," was all Big Macintosh said before he wiped a sweat from his brows.
Big Mac turned around to the field...then he froze in complete shock.
The apple trees he bucked somehow sprouted a fruit hated most by the Apple Family: Pears. It was as if the trees had miraculously grew the acidic fruit while Big Mac's back was turned for a full second. There was absolutely no way any pears could grow in the apple farm.
"Eenope."
Big Mac went back to the trees he supposedly bucked and knocked the pears down. The red stallion squashed a few pieces of the fruit while he went over to the trees with the apples still hanging on the branches, ready to be bucked down and made into a delicious cider.
Deep into the apple orchards, Big Macintosh bucked a few trees down, raining sown apples into the maws of awaiting baskets. He knocked down a few trees before he came across a big tree, decorated with dots of red, yellow and green residing on the branches. BIg Mac reeled in his hind hooves back and gave the tree a good kick.
No apples came falling down.
Big Mac scratched his head in utter confusion. He knew that tree made enough good vibrations to send the succulent fruit tumbling down into the barrels without any problem. Without any further ado, Big Mac bucked the tree again with a little added strength.
The tree was shaking from the force.
But still no apples fell down.
"Eenope," Big Mac said, losing his patience.
He gave the tree another swift buck.
The tree started shaking rapidly from the kick.
Still no apples.
"EeNOPE."
Another buck...
Another violent shake...
No apples...
"EENOPE!"
One more buck...
One more violent shake...
No apples...
Big Mac's face glowed red, crimson steam blowing out his ears and snorted through his nose.
"EENOPE!"
Big Mac used another buck on the tree with full force. The tree suddenly toppled back by the kick and knocked another tree behind it down. It led to another tree going down, and another, and another. Soon, the trees continuously fell over like a big line of dominoes, leaving Big Mac sweating and his facial expression frozen in fright.
"Eenope."
In a little hurry, the workhorse turned tail and trotted swiftly away from the scene, no wanting the blame placed on him. He trotted back to the picnic table...then found himself staring at the baskets full of pears, all of the same size. His eyes shrunk as he saw his precious apples replaced with pears in a short time.
"EENOPE!" Big Mac threw himself down onto the ground and pounded it with his hooves with a tantrum. "Eenope, Eenope, Eenope, Eenope, EE-HEE-HEE-NO-HO-HO-HOPE!"
"Big Mac!? What in tarnation is all the hubbub!?" Big Mac looked up and saw his Granny Smith trot creakily out of the house, with a face as sour as the lost green apples. "Don't you know that it's mah two-hour afternoon nap, Big Macintosh!? What's the idea wakin' me up from mah sleep!?"
Big Macintosh opened his mouth to speak...
"Heavens ta Betsy, what in tarnation is that!?" Granny Smith shouted, pointing to the baskets of oddly-shaped fruit left on the picnic table. She took one of the fruits, sniffed it and nibbled it. "Pears. Ah thought as much. So this is what ya do in yer bedroom all by yerself, Big Mac! Munchin' on these here goldarn fruits while nopony is around! Have ya no family respect!?"
Big Mac was completely petrified, save for his eyes shooting back and forth and the beads of nervous sweat running down his face. He was at least thankful to Celestia that Granny Smith was not referring to the other thing he does in his bedroom.
"Wait just a darn-tootin' minute," Granny said, spotting something else in the baskets.
Big Macintosh held his breath. In both shock and horror, he saw Granny Smith pull out the other thing he kept secret: a recent issue of Playpony he got secretly through the mail. Big Mac felt his red hind hooves turned yellow as Granny looked at him with the most intimidating of all stares.
"You sicken me," she said with venom.
She reached for her back and pulled a switch, the same dreaded switch used on Big Macintosh as a little colt whenever he got into some serious trouble. And now Big Macintosh was gonna get it...and he was gonna get it hard . Big Macintosh backed slowly then turned tail as Granny Smith chased him with the switch in her mouth.
"You come back here, Big Macintosh! Yer gonna get a switchin' even yer grandchildren can feel!"
"Eenope!"
^W^
"Hoho-hahahahahaha!"
The Fool slapped his knee and guffawed as he watched the chase between the red stallion and the old green mare take place through his telescope. He held a stolen apple in his hand, with a can of industrial strength super glue he used on the apple stems in the big tree sitting next to him.
*GASP*
"Oho-hoho-hoho! I guess a pear a day does not keep karma at bay!" he yelled over his laughter, now creating soreness in his lungs. "Now this is the best dinner and a show I have ever seen since the guy in the 'JERK' shirt tore down the Ye Olde Shakespeare Theatre! Hohoho-hahahaha!"
The Fool raised an apple to his mouth then froze. He looked to the audience in the camera.
"Pardon me."
The Fool turned the camera away, now gazing at the Sweet Apple Acres stretching on to the farm.
CRUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH!
GULP!
The Fool turned the camera back on him, who tipped his mask back onto his face.
"Sorry folks, no spoilers! The budget wouldn't allow me to reveal my face in this story. Hohohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool dropped off the branch, swung backwards with his gloved hands latched on the branch, swung back forward, did a full 1800 in the air and landed on his feet from the ten-foot high tree.
"Now then, who's gonna be my next sucker of a good, harmless prank?" The Fool wondered out loud. "It doesn't matter who it is, so long as I get the next laugh." The Fool hummed as he danced out of the apple orchard, jumping up and kicking his heels together in the process.
Author's Note
Third chapter! You know the drill!
Laugh! Boo! Like! Dislike! Comment! No comment!
Five out of six, I would highly recommend.
Three Little Fools
A small buzzing sound ripped through the forest path. A small pegasus filly rapidly flapped her little wings while riding on her scooter, looking down and depressed. Two other saddened fillies, one a unicorn, the other an Earth pony, sat in a wagon hitched onto the back of the scooter.
"This stinks," the pegasus, Scootaloo said. "I can't believe those two snobs took our stuff like that!"
"Me too," Sweetie Belle the unicorn replied. "I thought checkers was all supposed to be fun and games. But now Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon won and...and..." Sweetie Belle buried her face in her little hooves. "...And now my teddy bear is gone!"
"Ah know," Apple Bloom concurred. "They took mah bow away from me. That was the last thing mah ma left me when Ah was just a baby!"
"Oooh, I've had it with those two!" Scootaloo yelled out. "First they pick on us for having blank flanks and now they take my helmet! I just wish there was some way we can get back to them once and for all!"
"Did someone say, 'once and for all?'"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders perked themselves up out of their saddened state and looked around for the source of the slightly high-pitched male voice. They looked around, not knowing there was an odd-looking biped that suddenly appeared on their path.
"Worry not, little ponies! For I have a..."
The fillies screamed as they wee headed for a collision course with the creature.
The Fool screamed a girly scream then instinctively snapped his fingers.
POP!
Scootaloo veered her scooter to a screeching halt just as the biped disappeared into bubbles before it was hit with her scooter. All three fillies looked in shock as the bubbles dissipated into oblivion.
"What...the hay...was that?" Scootaloo asked.
"Ah don't know," Apple Bloom answered. "But Ah think it stood on two legs."
"And it had a creepy smile," Sweetie Belles said, shaken. "Gosh, that was scary."
"Tell me about it. I was so scared, I think I need a change of trousers" the voice said from behind the petrified fillies. They turned their faces and met theirs with a freaky smiley face. "Can you believe the drivers they have in this pony-infested world? So reckless these days."
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Scootaloo flapped her wings and drove off again in a panicking state. The Fool snapped his fingers and disappeared into thin air, only to POP! back in front of Scootaloo's scooter. The pegasus filly yelped then screeched her scooter to halt, hitting a pebble with her back wheels and sent the three fillies flying over The Fool's head and crash landed on top of each other.
"How do you like that? I've been in this place for less than an hour and I've already seen a few horseflies. Hohohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool chortled before he went over to the pile-up Crusaders and squatted down to their level. "Now don't tell me you're afraid of little old me?"
"Afraid of you!?" Scootaloo shot her head out from the pile of fillies sprawled over her. "You're tall, you walk on two legs and your smile is just plain creepy!"
"Now, now, there's no need to freak out over me. You see, I'm trying to help you, not to harm you." The Fool jumped backwards, did a pirouette and landed on a small rock with both heels touching. "I heard you were feeling down in the dumps, so I came to help brighten your day."
"Thanks, but no thanks," Scootaloo objected. "Our day is just too damp for you to try and brighten."
"I understand. This happens often to me too," The Fool said, his voice cracking. "I come across someone with a gloomy day themselves and they refuse to let me help them feel happy again." He lowered his hat to his smiling chest and started to form tears in the eyeholes of his mask (how did he do that?).
"All I want is to make people happy. That's my only goal in life: Make people happy and forget about their worries, their sorrows, their depression." The Crusaders' eyes started leaking tears. "But whenever I reach out my hand, all they do is slap it away and say they don't want my help. And now I feel left out in this world, cast out by a society whee they'd rather wallow in sadness than crack a smile on their face."
The Fool put his hat back on and made his staff appear out of his sleeve. "If you do not wish for my help, then I understand. I guess I'll go and see if anyone can crack a smile. So good-bye! Au revoir! Sayonara! Arrivederci!" The Fool's sad voice trailed off as he walked into the distance.
"Wait!" Apple Bloom yelled. "Come back!"
"We're really sorry for what Scootaloo said!" Sweetie Belle said. "The truth is, she's just a big chicken!"
"Hey!"
"But we really need somepony to help us! We've been picken an' stolen from today, we could really use somepony ta talk to!" Apple Bloom continued with Sweetie Belle following.
"Please, mister?? Can you help us feel happy again?? We're in really desperate need of help!" she said.
POP!
"Help!? Well, why didn't you say so!?" The Fool chortled, reappearing through bubbles, and scaring the fillies. The jester set his staff into the ground and sat cross-legged on the staff's tip. "Now then, fill me in here. Tell Uncle Fool what's been bringing down three cute little ponies like you down?"
"W-Well...if you insist," Sweetie Belle said blushing from being called "cute." "These two fillies in our class, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have been picking on us because we don't have Cutie Marks yet. We were being called blank flanks and said we were nothing special."
"And just this mornin' we were jus' playin' checkers, mindin' our own business when those two snobs came up to us an' took our stuff!" Apple Bloom chimed in. "They took mah bow, Sweetie Belle's teddy bear and Scootaloo's helmet!"
"Yeah. We thought if we could challenge them to a game of checkers, we could get our stuff back!" Scootaloo pitched in. "But we lost to Diamond Tiara and they said they could keep our stuff for themselves and...and...now we can't ever get them back!"
The three fillies started bawling to the terrible tragedy of their stuff taken callously by the rich and snobby foals. Even The Fool was crying to this sad tale.
"Hoho-ho-ho-hooooo...Oh, what a world! What a cruel, cruel, world! Stuff getting stolen by kids these days! What is this world reduced to these days!?" The Fool sobbed out, turned away and blew his nose with a handkerchief. Then he threw his tissue down. "No! This misdeed shan't go unpunished. We must teach these ponies the harsh consequences of taking one's precious possessions! And I have a perfect plan in mind!"
The Crusaders looked up looked up to The Fool with tears still in their eyes.
"You mean you can get our stuff back?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"But of course I can! I wasn't called a visionary of the arts for nothing! And to this day, I still can't get into the Museum of Modern Art! Hohohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool jumped off his staff and gathered the Crusaders close to him. "Listen up, little ones! Here is my plan! And remember, you didn't hear it from me."
The Fool whispered in an inaudible volume to the fillies.
Whisper. Whisper. Whisper. Whisper.
"Now do you understand my plan?" The Fool asked.
"No," Scootaloo said. "All you ever did was go 'Whisper. Whisper. Whisper. Whisper.'"
"That's because it's a secret plan. Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
The Crusaders gave The Fool a deadpan stare.
"Okay, enough small talk. This is my plan."
^W^
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo waited behind the brush, dressed up is white silk sheets. Up ahead the path, they saw their two worst enemies walking down the road, gossiping and bragging, all with the three fillies' stuff hidden in their saddlebags.
"You think this is gonna work?" Apple Bloom asked.
"It'd better," Scootaloo complained. "I feel so stupid right now."
"Come on, guys, we need to keep quiet," Sweetie Belle said. "If we're gonna get our stuff back, we need to go through woth that guy's plan."
"Shh. Here they come now."
The three fillies ducked themselves in the brush as Diamond Tiara approached their hiding spot, bragging with Silver Spoon about her personal life.
"...So I said to her, 'If you mess this dress up before the big party tomorrow night, I'm gonna have daddy mail you back to your momma in a box,'" Diamond Tiara told Silver Spoon.
"I know! Derpy Hooves is, like, one feather short of a pegasus, right?"
"Yeah, totally! And she flew back out crying like a crybaby!"
"What a drama queen!"
The two Earth fillies laughed egocentrically as they approached the Crusaders' hiding spot. Then, the three sheeted fillies jumped out of the bushes and in front of the two rich snobs, making kooky "oooooh" noises in an attemot to scare them off. They only got a raised eyebrow instead.
"We are the ghosts of your guilty conscience!" Scootaloo said.
"Come here to haunt you for your misdeeds upon this town!" Sweetie Belle chimed.
"Lay down the stuff you stole from those three poor, innocent fillies, or suffer the dire consequences!" Apple Bloom finished. The three "ghosts" continued their noises as the two rich fillies exchanged one look and burst out with laughter.
"Nice try, blank flanks!" Diamond Tiara snidely remarked. "But your stuff is now mine. We won in a contest from you, fair and square."
"So take your silly Nightmare Night costumes off and go be losers somewhere else!" Silver Spoon added, ending with a chuckle.
"These are not costumes!" Apple Bloom said.
"These are all real!" Scootaloo piped in.
Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes to her victims' tenacity. "Like yawn , these charades are getting, like so boring. So why don't I take these sheets off for you so you can save yourselves the public humiliation?" With that, the pink filly tore off the costumes...
...And there was nothing underneath!
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon went wide-eyed and screamed.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH! They really are ghosts!" Diamond Tiara screamed.
"What do we do now!?" Silver Spoon asked.
"Do what the ghosts said and throw those loser's stuff down! Quickly!"
The two fillies hatily took out the helmet, pink bow and stuffed teddy bear and bolted back to Ponyville, screaming their heads off. Meanwhile, the "ghosts" laughed hard as they wiped off the invisible washable paint off of them using the sheets they wore for effect.
"Oh, Celesta, did you see the looks on their faces!?"
"I did. It was priceless!"
"Those two finally got what they deserved!"
The three nodded in accord. "A lesson in humility!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders burst out in laughter. Their laughter was joined in by the genius behind the plan.
"Hohoho-hahahahaha! That was brilliant! Simply marvelous acting!" The Fool popped in unannounced in front of the Crusaders with a rectangular sign behind his back. "Your acting was convincing enough, your sound effects were realistic and your finale was epic! I give your performance..." The Fool turned his sign around. "A nine!"
"A nine!?" Scootaloo yelled. "We got invisible paint all over ourselves and all we got was a nine!?"
The Fool scribbled on the sign with marker. "Fine. 9.5," he said, deadpanning behind the mask.
"Come on, Scootaloo, the points don't matter now!" Apple Bloom yelled exhilarated. "We finally got our stuff back! Ah finally got mah bow back!"
"Button!" Sweetie Belle squuezed her teddy bear, creating a squee sound. "Oh, Button, I promise I will never let you go again! Never ever ever ever ever EVER!"
"Aw yeah!" Scootaloo said with high zeal. "Now I can practice my moves on my awesome scooter!"
"Thanks, mister! Ah guess we owe ya one!" Apple Bloom told The Fool. "Is there any way we can repay ya kindly fer all o' yer help?"
"Well..."
"Apple Bloom! Where are ya, ya silly filly!?"
The Fool was interjected by the Southern drawl resounding from the other side of a small hill. The Cutie Mark Crusaders turned towards the same hill where two other voices called out to them with concern.
"Sweeite Belle! Come back home! It's not safe out here!"
"Hey, squirt! You here somewhere!?"
"Hey, it our sisters! What are they doin' out here?" Apple Bloom turned back to The Fool. "Hey, mister, would you..." The farm filly sadly trailed off as The Fool popped out of sight with colorful bubbles dissipating into thin air. All that was left was a card with an etching on the front of the stranger on it. The fillies read the name written at the bottom.
"'The Fool,' huh?" Scootaloo said. "We certainly owe him one, big time."
"Yeah. But where's he gone?" Apple Bloom asked, looking around the forest.
"Who knows? That guy was strange," Sweetie Belle said, earning a nod from the other two fillies.
"Apple Bloom?" Applejack trotted up to the fillies, with Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy all in tow. "Thank Celestia yer all right! What are y'all doin' here out in the middle of nowheres!?" the cow pony asked in great concern.
"Nothin', Applejack. We were just playin' around," Apple Bloom lied.
"Well, you three need to come with us at this instant!" Rarity yelled. "There's a revolting creature going around Ponyville and I refuse to let my little sister be out and about with that thing on the loose!"
"Revolting creature?" Sweetie Belle echoed.
"Yeah. It's this thing that stands on two legs, is about..." Rainbow Dash pointed her hoof in the air above the ground. "...this high and has this really creepy face on him. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that creature, would you girls?" The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at them with mild panic in their eyes.
"Uhh...no?" they answered in unison.
"Well it doesn't matter now! Come on, youngsters! We've gotta get you back home and locked up safe in the house!" Applejack turned and trotted the way back home. "Fluttershy, would ya mind looking fer this creature by yerself. Ah know he might be scary, but.."
"Don't you worry about me," Fluttershy said, still mad at whoever hurt her bear friend. "I'll take care of myself."
Fluttershy took off in the direction she was headed in. The fillies followed their role models to Applejack's home, whispering amongst themselves far away from the older mares' earshot.
"Ya don't think The Fool was lyin' ta us, right?" Apple Bloom asked.
"I don't know. This seems awfully fishy to me," Sweetie Belle said.
"Hey. I just took a bath last night. I don't smell." Scootaloo snapped.
"It's a figure of speech. Jeez."
"Oh."
"So what do y'all think happened to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon after we scared 'em?" Apple Bloom asked Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Both fillies shrugged, but they could only imagine what they might be doing in their moment of sheer terror.
^W^
"Are they still out there?"
"Like, I don't know. I'm afraid to find out!"
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon huddled up in the pink filly's bedroom closet. Their shaking backs were up against each other's. Diamond Tiara was carrying a flashlight while SIlver Spoon had a bat ready to swing at the "ghosts." Both were afraid to set one hoof outside of the door, for fear of the "ghosts" wrath.
"Look, this is what we're gonna do," Diamond Tiara whispered. "You take a peek outside and see if the coast is clear."
"Okay."
Silver Spoon stuck her head outside of the closet door. She looked around for any signs of their tormentors. To the silver filly's brief relief, there was no sign of the specters appearing in before them.
"Okay, it's clear."
The two fillies carefully and steadily trotted out of the closet. Diamond Tiara went to her bedroom door and opened it.
And before the door stood a white sheet floating above them in mid air.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
The two fillies fainted from fright. The Earth mare maid gazed downwards on the two collapsed fillies on the floor and rolled her eyes. She hung the freshly dried sheet dangling from a hanger in the filly's closet and trotted back out, not paying anymore mind to the spoiled brats sprawled onto the smooth wooden floor.
"Drama queens."
With that said, the mare closed the bedroom door.
A Carrot and Fool Approach
A Carrot and Fool Approach
Carrot Top watered her garden of growing carrots, nearly at the peak of perfection. Her original name was Golden Harvest, but due to her orange mane, her Cutie Mark and her special talent of growing the best carrots in Ponyville, the locals nicknamed her Carrot Top.
And this Earth mare was done dousing her carrots with fresh water from her trusty watering can.
"Okay. That's probably enough water for you guys," she said to the carrots. "When I come back, I'm gonna put you all in a basket and then it's off to the marketplace."
Carrot Top trotted back inside her house with her watering can in her mouth. As soon as her door closed, a nearby tree rustled and popping out of the leaves was the face of none other than The Fool. The well-dressed jester jumped out of the tree and stood on a fence picket with a sly glint in his mask eye.
"I know what you're thinking and I know, it's awfully un-gentlemanly of me," The Fool told the audience. "But hey, I've gotta have a little fun once in a while." The Fool looked around his environment and whispered to the readers. "Besides, Golden Harvest there is golden: She gets 24 carrots every month. Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
^W^
Carrot Top trotted outside with her basket held in her mouth.
"Alright, my little delicacies, it's time for you to hop into my bas--"
Just as Carrot Top was about to finish her sentence, the carrots suddenly jumped out of the ground. Every carrot hopped over to the mare and jumped into her basket, just like what she said to them. Carrot Top looked bewildered for a second or two, then rubbed her eyes with her hooves, not believing what she just saw.
She trotted back into her house, still mystified and confused by what she thought she saw. The mare set the basket of carrots onto her kitchen counter next to the sink, sat down at the kitchen table facing the carrots and stared. She wanted to see for herself, a group of carrots jumping out of the basket and confirm if her eyes played tricks on her.
"I know what I saw," she said to herself. "I'm not crazy. I saw my own carrots jump into my basket and I don't think any unicorn pulled it off with their magic. But I'll see it for myself. I'd have to wait all day and all night if I had to."
Carrot Top sat on her chair and stared at the carrots. Minutes passed by, slowly turning to hours and neither the pony nor the carrots budged an inch away from their spot. It was soon becoming the early afternoon and both of them remained at the same spot.
It was slowly becoming 2:30...
3:00...
4:00...
5:00...
And still no movement whatsoever.
Carrot Top sighed in disappointment. "Ah, forget it. I guess my eyes were playing tricks on me after all. I guess I'll have to wash you all off and save you guys for tomorrow."
Then the carrots jumped up. Carrot Top jumped back in shock as the carrots hopped over to the sink. One of the carrots filled the sink with water while the other 23 circled around the rim of the sink. When the last carrot arrived, one by one, the orange vegetables jumped into the water. The 12 pairs of carrots swam with each other in perfect synchronization, one of each pair kicking up and high in the air, like they were a pair of swimming legs. The carrots then came close to each other and turned in the sink, performing their dance routine moves while carrot Top watched in amazement and shock.
"That...is...amazing!" Carrot Top exclaimed happily. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew I wasn't crazy! And now I have evidence that proves that I'm totally sane! I've gotta tell the girls about this!" Carrot Top dashed out of her house to tell her pony friends about the dancing carrots. The carrots suddenly jumped out of the water, drained the sink, quickly dried themselves off with a towel, replaced the towel and hopped back in the basket just before Carrot Top returned with her friend.
"I'm telling you, Colgate, I know exactly what I saw!" Carrot Top said to her blue unicorn friend. "I saw my own carrots go up and dance for me in the sink! It was spectacular!"
"Carrot Top, I highly doubt carrots just get up and hop around all on their own," Colgate replied skeptically.
"I know, but I figured it out! Whenever I tell them a command, they get up and do it! Watch, watch, watch!" Carrot turned to her carrots in intense glee. "Okay, carrots! Go make my friend and I some tea and get me some carrot cake out of the fridge too!"
Carrot Top looked at the basket with an obsessed smile, waiting for the carrots to obey her command. Colgate also looked at the basket with a raised eyebrow while the carrots sat still in the basket.
"Uh, Carrot Top? I don't think they're moving."
"No, just wait a minute! I gotta give them another command. Carrots, give my friend and I a glass of water, please."
A few minutes passed by.
No carrots moved an inch.
Colgate sighed impatiently as Carrot Top turned her gaze from her unicorn friend to the carrots and back again with a nervous smile. A couple beads of sweat rolled down her face.
"Carrots. Please move, for me...please?"
Another minute passed.
Still nothing.
Colgate flattened her ears with a deadpanning look at the carrots. "That's it, I'm out of here."
The unicorn got up and trotted out of the door. Carrot Top dove for Colgate's hind hooves in a desperate frenzy. "No! Please don't go! They did move and dance in the sink, I swear! Look, look, look, the carrots would've been dirty, so they swam in the sink. Look, all of their dirt has been washed off!"
"Carrot Top, go get some rest," Colgate said, breaking her hoof away from the yellow mare's grasp. "You must've had a long day."
"No, I'm telling you! I saw what I saw! Please don't leave, Colgate! You have to see this for yourself!" Carrot Top's pleas for Colgate to not leave never reached her ears. She galloped over to the carrots and shook them with her basket. "Look, I know I'm not crazy and I did see you guys move! So when I tell you to move, MOVE!"
Nothing.
Carrot slammed her basket down and grabbed the carrots with her hooves.
"Come on! Move, move, MOVE!"
Still nothing.
"Gaaaaaahhhhhh! Why won't you move!?" Carrot slammed her carrots on the counter, snapping them in half. She threw her head down on the counter and started bawling.
Outside of the house, The Fool slapped his knee repeatedly and bent over backwards, nearly falling out of the tree he was hiding in. "Hoho-hahahahahaha! Oh boy, what a riot! What a laugh! I think my lungs are about to explode! Oh-hohoho-hahaha!" The Fool swung himself upside down on the brach and fell to the ground, flipping on his tap shoes. "They said carrots are good for the eyes, but I beg to differ."
The Fool tipped his hat slightly downward. "Oh well, I'd better ship off then. I think I've earned my good fill of laughter today and I don't wish to be a glutton." The Fool began walking off to the forest, whistling his merry little tune while he held his staff behind his back.
Along the way, he passed a couple of talking mares who gasped in his presence.
"Good evening, ladies. Beautiful weather we're having tonight," he said with his hat off in politeness. "Don't mind me, I'm just passing by. Good evening."
The Fool continued to strut into the forest while whistling to the tune. The mares looked at each other and ran off into Ponyville to warn the other ponies of the creepy biped that passed through town. Ponyville heard of mysterious happenings that occurred today.
But now, they know who caused those occurrences. And now, they'll get theirs.
Look Into My Fools
The Fool danced his way into the forest, whistling his merry little tune with his staff leaning on his shoulder. He was thinking about his previous stunts he pulled on the ponies. Tampering with the apples and slipping the nude mares magazine in the basket; Putting washable invisible paint on the fillies to scare the bullies; Using his puppet magic on the carrots.
Those were some good laughs he had today.
But still, on the inside he felt as empty as a black hole.
The Fool's passion in life was to make people laugh. He lived only to make people feel good and salvage their souls from sinking deeper into the dark depths of despair. No matter how much he tried in the past, The Fool could not make a friend with his friendly practical jokes (save for the fillies he befriended earlier today, but he felt he needed more than a child's laugh to make him feel complete).
The Fool stopped and looked to the azure skies above.
"I wonder how my old pals at the traveling circus are doing without me around?" The Fool asked himself out of loneliness. "It was a shame I had to leave the circus like that, but it couldn't be helped. I needed some time to clear my head and see if I could curb my addiction to pranks. Oh, how I miss them so much, you could see it on my face."
...
...
"Oh wait, I have a mask on, so you can't see my face. Hohoho-hahaha!"
The Fool slid twirled his staff and held it in his other hand. "Oh, well. I guess I should find another town and see if they know the way to Canada. More importantly, see if they can get a good laugh. Hohoho-hahaha!" The Fool walked no more than three steps when...
"You hold it right there, buster!" The Fool immediately stopped and turned to the cute-when-angry voice. It belonged to a yellow pegasus with a long pink mane. "I've been looking all over Ponyville for you, mister. You have some explaining to do as to why you beat up that poor bear!"
"The bear?" The Fool asked, cocking his head sideways.
"Yes, the bear. I'm talking about Mr. Bear, the same bear I found lying down at the forest path, wearing hoofcuffs and beaten badly on the head." Fluttershy's angry face seemed to make The Fool blush even through his mask. How cute it was for The Fool to be scolded by something so cute. "Now what do you have to say for yourself, mister?"
The Fool thought with his finger on his chin.
"Just a moment while I have a strange interlude," The Fool requested. He stepped out of the paused film with his staff tapping in his hand.
"Let's see. So far, this place has been populated with nothing but talking, colorful ponies all separate from each other by gender, color and kind," The Fool said to himself out loud. "So, if I saw a pony with wings, a pony with a horn and a pony with neither, then I deduce that this place must contain other mythological creatures, which means that I have a way out of this predicament."
The Fool stepped back into the picture and continued playing the film.
"Look out! A giant, firebreathing dragon!"
"EEP!"
Fluttershy jumped in the air and landed on her back, stiff as a shirt doused with starch. A card floated down onto her nose, which snapped her back into reality. She looked at the card, which was the Fool tarot card with a single, six-letter word written in green marker across the front.
"Psyche."
Fluttershy growled as she read the card. The once shy pegasus began to see red as she quickly got up off the ground and saw the disappearing shape of The Fool vanish into the forest, chortling with a shrill laughing voice. She fluttered above the ground and flew after him.
The Fool's scrawny legs rapidly scuttled along the ground, tap-tapping onto the dirt. He was one of the fastest people on Earth that would make even Usain Bolt and Jesse Owens look like the average run-of-the-mill joggers, so escaping Fluttershy like that would be no problem.
Of course, rarely did The Fool receive the element of surprise when Fluttershy suddenly appeared in front of him and shot herself into his face.
"That's it, mister! You've pushed my buttons too far!" Fluttershy growled, unlocking her assertiveness. "You beat up a poor, innocent creature, you've caused trouble by pranking everypony and now you've almost given me a heart attack! Now you apologize to everypony or else I'll give you...The Stare!"
The Fool held his hands up in defense. "Oh dear, The Stare!! Not that, please!! Anything but your jagged eyes sticking through my soul!! Hohoho-hahaha!" The Fool fell on the ground laughing as Fluttershy facehoofed. If she's been through this with another trickster before, she could do it again.
And she did.
She shot her mad eyes open and stared directly into The Fool's eyes.
The Fool shuddered at the pegasus's wrathful Stare. He felt tiny electrical volts coursing through every nerve of his body as the intimidating eyes looked straight in his soul. Every animal in Equestria, all fierce and timid, would be compelled by the unknown force of Fluttershy's Stare like the eyes had a hypnotic power, one that would bring even King Sombra to his shadowy knees.
But for The Fool's case, it was the exact opposite.
He was rolling on the ground, clutching his torso and bursting with laughter.
"Hoho-hahahaha! Oh-ho! Oh-ho, that tickles! That tickles, ahahaha!" The Fool guffawed, leaving Fluttershy completely mystified. "Oh-hohoho-hahaha! Oh gawd! Oh gawd! That Stare, it tickles me so much! So much that my hahahaha! My sides! They're killing me! Whoa-hahahahaha!"
Fluttershy increased the level of her Stare. The Fool shuddered and began cackling.
"Whoa-hahahahaha! Oh, please! Oh please, God, make it stop! Make it..hahahaha!"
Fluttershy went wide-eyed in shock. "I don't understand," she said, shaking her head. "The Stare should've worked on misbehaving creatures like you. Why didn't it work on you?"
The Fool wiped a tear from his mask before he kicked his legs up and jumped back on his feet. "Here's the deal as to why your Stare was defective against me," the jester explained, scaring Fluttershy to the point of shaking and sweating bullets. "I'm wearing a gold mask on my face, so you wouldn't know that I had my eyes closed the entire time. Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
Fluttershy kept shaking her head. "No, this is not possible. This is entirely impossible. I failed to tame a wild animal with my Stare! How can this be!?" she yelled to herself.
"Hohohoho! Don't worry, my friend, everyone who's ever met me had a similar reaction," The Fool chortled. "But if you really want to scare someone that easily, then all you gotta do is this..." The Fool leaned forward into Fluttershy's scared face. The timid pegasus whimpered as she scurried herself into the tree behind her, cornered by the grinning visage that was The Fool's golden mask.
"P-P-Please...don't h-hu-hurt m-m-m-me."
The human jester bent forwards to a 25 degree angle above the ground, the perfect height to help bring his face into the pegasus's face.
Then he said one word.
Only one word to bring down someone as scared as Fluttershy.
"Boo."
Fluttershy "eeped." She wobbled to and fro and her eyes rolled back into her her head before she fainted into The Fool's extended arms.
"I could hold in my arms all day long, the one that I love is in Canada. Hohoho-hahaha!" The Fool then flicked his wrist multiple times. Colorful bubbles started to form and floated underneath Fluttershy's body as a makeshift bed for her. "Hohohohoho. You poor little pony. So timid and afraid, so cute and caring. You've fainted with grace for fear of me, and I never took my mask off."
The Fool tipped his hat, grabbed his staff and breathed deeply.
"Oh well, I guess it's back on the old road again."
With a quick scuttle of his shoes, The Fool turned around...
...and was met with the angry face of a cyan pegasus flying at the height of his face. The other two angry ponies that followed was an Earth mare with a cowboy hat and a white unicorn with a curled indigo mane and light blue mascara. The Fool could already tell he was in hot water.
Suddenly, he had a strange craving for a lobster platter.
"Alright, tough guy! You've crossed the line this time!" Rainbow Dash smacked her forehooves together and snorted through her nose. "Now you're about to get the welcome you deserve...with a good old fashioned butt-kicking!"
"Ah'm gonna buck in the face so hard, even yer own mama won't recognize ya!" Applejack added.
"And you're fashion sense is as unwelcome as you are in my town!" Rarity chimed in. "Now prepare for yourself for an un-ladylike whooping!"
The mares growled as they trotted slowly towards The Fool, who stood his ground as if he was ready for this moment. He looked back at the readers with his hand cupped at his cheek and whispered.
"Hold on to your seats, folks. The next chapter's gonna be a bumpy ride. Hohoho-hahaha!"
A Fool to Go
SCREEEECH!
HISSSSSSSS!
"All aboard!"
The conductor gave his hearty boarding call as the doors to the Friendship Express opened. A wave of ponies poured from the doors and onto the station platform. One of the disembarking ponies was a pink equine a-hopping out from the train with cheerful glee after being away for three days at Manehattan's Comedy Festival.
"Woo-hoooo!" the pink pony yelled, shocking some of the passengers. "Finally! I'm home! Oh, Ponyville, I missed you so, so much! Those three days I've been away from you seemed like it lasted forever and ever and ever, and I got so lonely that it almost made me cry, but now I'm back and I will never, ever leave you for a full day again EVER!!"
"EVER!!"
"EVER!!"
"EVER!!"
"EVER!!"
"EVER!! EVER!! EVER!! EV--!!"
"Excuse me, miss, will you please stop yelling!?" the conductor interjected Pinkie. "You're disturbing our passengers!"
Pinkie smiled sheepishly with a squee! noise. She hopped along the station platform, her saddlebags juggling with every bounce of the pink pony. She eventually made it to the edge Ponyville, where there were still ponies out she was highly eager to meet and greet again.
"Hi, Bon Bon!"
"Hi, Berry Punch!"
"Hi, Derpy!"
"Hi, Doctor Hooves!"
"Hi, Connor!"
"Hi, freaky colorful pony running on two legs!"
"Hi, Rainbow Dash!"
"Hi, Applejack!"
"Hi, Rarity!"
Pinkie Pie soon froze in mid-air. She turned her head down the alley, where a bipedal creature scuttled his legs along the ground with Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity in hot pursuit. Her internal "Welcome-to-Ponyville-New-Pony" instincts activated, seen by the dilation of her sparkling pupils.
"Eeeeee! A new pony in Ponyville! Wait, I wanna throw you a party!"
Pinkie then turned on the motors in her hind legs and took off for the new arrival in Ponyville.
^W^
"Whoo-hohohoho-hahaha!"
The Fool zipped down the alleyway behind the Ponyville cottages while Rainbow Dash zoomed behind the jester, hoping to finally give the jester a what-for. The Fool was a fast creature, he was, but Rainbow Dash was faster. That would put The Fool with a disadvantage with speed.
However, his greatest weapon was his wits.
To prove that logic, The Fool suddenly ducked into a nearby alley. Rainbow Dash grinned as she saw the strange bipedal jester go down that alley. She knew the alleyway was a dead end for The Fool, both literally and figuratively. With a quick nosedive, Rainbow Dash crashed on her hooves into the alleyway.
"Alright, tough guy! I've got you where I--!"
Rainbow Dash broke her intimidating yelling when, to her complete surprise, The Fool was nowhere to be found. The alleyway was only a few hoofsteps long, narrow and blocked off by brick. All that there was were three lone trash cans sitting against the wall.
Trash cans.
Then it hit her.
The Fool could've been hiding out in the trash cans.
Rainbow Dash glared at the trashcans, wondering if The Fool should ever pop his golden, smiling face out of the aluminum cans of rubbish.
"Now which trashcan could is that freak hiding in?" she asked herself.
Rainbow Dash felt a tap on her shoulder. "Try the one in the middle," somepony whispered.
"Thanks."
Rainbow Dash lifted up the lid of the middle trashcan.
POP!
FWEEEEE!
Rainbow Dash jumped back in shock by the sudden spray of confett jack-in-the-box that popped right out of the can. It was a paper mache version of The Fool with the bottom half of his torso rigged to a spring that shot up when the lid was removed. It carried a sign attached to his hat that read "GOTCHA!!" and sprayed a fountain of seltzer from a seltzer bottle right into Rainbow Dash's face.
SSSSSSSSS!
"What the b-GLUB!!?"
Rainbow Dash was shot back into the wall, completely drenched in head to toe by the torrential spray from the seltzer bottle. The Fool guffawed as the cyan pegasus spat out the sparkling water out of her mouth.
"Hoho-hahahahaha! I can't belive you fell for the old, 'Fool-in-the-Box' gag!! Ahaha-hahaha! Wa-hahaha!" The Fool slapped his knee as the pegasus shook the seltzer out of her fur. "You maybe the fastest pegasus in the world, but when it comes to my smarts, you're all wet! Hohoho-hahaha!"
Rainbow Dash growled and flew at The Fool's face, fogging up his mask with her muzzle's snorts.
"So you think that's funny, huh, tough guy!?" the tomboy pegasus shouted in his face. "Seeing everypony suffer because of your pranks while you stand here, laughing like there's no problem in the whole world!?" The Fool nodded. Dash's eyes narrowed into rage. "Then you know what time it is? It's payback time."
RIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!
The Fool gave the "one moment" finger gesture and reached out to his back pocket, where he pulled out his ringing alarm clock. "Actually, my fine feathered friend," The Fool replied. "It's just about time for me to honk your nose and mess with your hairdo." The Fool tossed his alarm clock, honked Rainbow Dash's nose and messed with her mane to make it appear the mane arched over to form an actual rainbow.
Dash snarled like a wild animal, ready to pounce on her prey. She raised her hooves to strike The Fool directly in the face and string him up like a puppet...
...only to have The Fool raise a cherry pie up and into her face.
SPLAT!
Rainbow Dash screamed as The Fool chortled. The jester jumped, clicked his heels and zipped out of the alleyway, leaving the pegasus cussing underneath the dripping cherry pie filling. Pinkie Pie popped out of a trash can next to the middle one, looked around the alleyway and spotted her friend wiping away the cherries.
"Hi, Rainbow Dash! I'm looking for a new pony that I just saw in town! Do you know where he went!?"
Rainbow Dash grunted. "Pinkie, this isn't--! Guh, never mind! He went that way!" she said, pointing a hoof towards the exit of the alleyway.
Pinkie jumped out of the trash can and zipped down the picture, leaving a disgruntled Rainbow Dash in the alleyway with pie filling still on her face. Pinkie reappeared next to her, licked the cherry goop off of her cheek then cantered back out in pursuit of the new pony.
^W^
Applejack and Rarity galloped side by side as they tried to find The Fool creating havoc in Ponyville. They stopped at a street crossing, panting for breath as both the unicorn and the cowgirl pony looked around the area.
"Any sign of that no-good varmint?" Applejack asked.
"Sadly, the trail has gone simply cold," Rarity said, levitating a fan in front of her sweating face. "May we cease with this pointless chase? All of this running is making my beautiful visage perspire."
"No can do, Sally," Applejack replied. "We have a creature to track down and make him pay fer all the damage he's done ta our home."
"Well, speak of Tirek," Rarity replied back. "Look." Applejack glanced down the avenue where Rarity's hoof was pointed. They saw the neatly-dressed jester enter a street in plain sight. The Fool must've spotted them, because he turned on one foot and went inside a dark building.
"There's that no-good varmint! Come on!"
Applejack and Rarity galloped into the building where The Fool retreated into. They galloped into complete darkness, not seeing their own hooves in front of their faces. Then the lights shone on the two mares, blinding them completely for a moment or two as they heard a familiar, yet obnoxious voice.
"Hohoho-hahaha! Welcome my friends! I'm so glad you all could make it onto the set!" The Fool chortled, wearing a director's cap and sitting in a director's seat. "I'm so glad you both are here! I needed a couple of mares to help make my production of my new movie!"
"Just old on one apple-pickin' second there, boy!" Applejack interjected. "Ah'm not here ta be a movie star, Ah wanna know why yer doin' this ta everypony!"
"Indeed! Your attempt for attention is simply uncouth!" Rarity scoffed. "Not to mention that your outfit is a hazard to everypony's eyes!"
The Fool let out a high-pitched laughed. "Perfect! Those attitudes are just what I need to help complete my future film blockbuster! The stubbornness of a cowgirl and the persnicketiness of a fashion designer! All alone with each other showing passionate feelings for each other! It will be hip! It will be heart-breaking! It will be...romantic."
"'Passionate feelings!?'" Applejack echoed. "Wait a minute! Are y'all tryin' ta--!?"
The Fool pulled a rope next to him which spilled clear adhesive all over the two mares. Applejack and Rarity froze instantly, with their mouths hanging open. They could barely speak, nor move a muscle except for their eye muscles. The Fool quickly positioned the two mares and hopped back in the director's chair. "Alright! Places, people, places! Quiet on the set!" The Fool yelled through his megaphone. He formed a bubble of clear, blue light which floated behind Applejack.
"And...ACTION!"
BANG!
The frozen Applejack was tipped forward by the force of the popped bubble. With no control of her body, Applejack was falling forwards towards Rarity, both open mouths quickly meeting each other. The mouths locked, and both mares blushed as they felt the warmth of their mouths connect each other in a forced passionate kiss. They felt like they could throw up anytime soon.
"And CUT!"
The Fool tipped Applejack back to her original position and raised his arms up into the air. "Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! You two have proven me you could become big! I'm gonna make you two big! I'm gonna make you girls rich! Famous! Glorious! Stanley Kubrick, eat your little heart out! Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
"Hi!"
The Fool gave a quick girly scream as he found himself staring face-to-face with a smiling pink pony.
"I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name!?"
"Sorry, no time to say hello or good-bye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!" The Fool shouted panicking as he snapped his fingers. He and his filming equipment disappeared into thin air, leaving bubbles floating around. Pinkie Pie ran out of the building, her head looking up to the sky.
"Wait! Come back! I was gonna throw you a welcoming party!"
The door to the building slammed shut. Motionless Applejack and Rarity were left in the dark, emptiness of the building, looking worried at each other or around them for fear of possibly something hidden in the shadows. Minute by minute, the adhesive cracked off, leaving only the mares' vocal cords moving for now.
"Rarhy! Han ya hear gnee!?" Applejack asked past her frozen lips pried open.
"Ahhulhack, harring? Less neher seek o his againg!" Rarity replied.
...
...
...
"Rarhy?"
"Yecch, Ahhulhack?"
"Why hoo ya caske ike a ngarshgnarrow?"*
^W^
The Fool popped onto a rooftop somewhere in Ponyville. He looked around to see any sign of the eccentric pink pony who recently gave him a scare. Fortunately, The Fool did not see any pink pony anywhere in his sights. With a relieved sigh, The Fool brushed himself off, tipped his hat, brought his staff out of his sleeve and walked down the rooftop.
"Hi again!"
The Fool yelped in shock. He turned and saw the pink pony smiling cheerfully in his face.
"Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie! What's your name!? Do you have a name!? Do you even have a name!? What kind of creature are you!? What's with the silly clothing!? Are you a prankster, like me!? Oh, I love pranking, as long as it's in good clean fun! What's your name!? Is it Silly Willy!? Laugh Box!? No, it's Clownface! Clownface!"
The Fool wore earplugs to drown out Pinkie's yelling while rode a red rocket kiddy ride with a few yellow stars painted on both sides of the rocket. He stifled a yawn as the pink pony continued speaking, hitting him with questions and stories like a rapid-fire machine gun.
"...Then there was this one time where I made the scary faces on the trees disappear with laughter! They were like BLAURGH! and I was like Hehehehe-hahaha! and my friends..."
The Fool sat on a folding chair, chuckling at the funny papers while he drowned out the pony's hyperactively told stories with the earplugs. "Oh, you crazy cat, I love kicking dogs off of tables, too," he said to the fictional character in a strip he read.
"...Then I was getting thrown around with Pumpkin's magic and I was MMM-MMMPH! MM! MMM! MMMPHH! " The Fool clamped Pinkie's muzzle down with his hands. Pinkie started to blow up like a balloon (complete with balloon-filling sounds) and The Fool released her, causing the pony to fly around with air blown out until she ran out of air on top of the rooftop with the human jester on it.
"Pardon me for the little blow-out," The Fool said apologetically. "But do you know where I can find the way to Canada for the big annual Just For Laughs Comedy Festival? I think I took a wrong turn and ended up in a fairy tale world and I would love to get out of here A.S.A.P."
Pinkie Pie touched her chin with her hoof. "Canada...Canada...mmm, nope. Never heard of it."
The Fool tilted his head in curiosity. "Really? Huhu. Have you heard of the United States of America before?"
"Eenope."
"North America? South America? Russia? Asia? France? Germany? Antartica? Japan?"
"Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope and, uhh...nope!" Pinkie Pie declared happily, smiling with a squee! "Ooh! Ooh! You know who might help you with your little problem? Heeheehee, that's right, you don't know this place at all, do you!? Well, let me tell you that the only ponies who might help you go back to wherever you came are the princesses of Equestria!"
"Equestria, huh?" The Fool tilted his head in curiosity. "So is that where I am?"
"Eeyup!"
"Hohoho-hahaha! Wonderful! It seems as though the Fates have played a little joke on little old me! Oh, wait, I'm 20 years old so I'm not that old. Hohoho-hahaha!"
Pinkie Pie giggled to The Fool's bantering. "Hehehehe! You're funny mister! Ooh, that's right, I never got your name!" Pinkie shot her wild grinning face into the jester's masked visage. "Do you have a name!? You have a name, right!?"
The Fool reached into his jacket and pulled out his card. "Here," he said.
Pinkie Pie took the card and read it out loud. "'Tarot Card 0 - The Fool.' Hehehehehe, that's certainly a funny picture you have here! Oh, I know, we can throw you a 'Welcome-to-Ponyville-and-Equestria-Fool' party for you! There's gonna be cakes, cupcakes and wonderfully delicious pie! Whaddya say!? Huh, huh, huh, huh, HUH!?"
The Fool pondered a bit, unaware of a certain cyan pegasus sneaking up behind him with her face as red as an apple. "I'm not sure about," The Fool answered. "Between you and me, with all the jokes I've pulled on you ponies today, trying to fit in is going to be a pain in the--."
THWACK!
"HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" DING!
Rainbow Dash bucked The Fool hard in the rear, sending him flying across Ponyville and into the distance. She sighed in relief, finally letting all her anger towards the joking pariah into her hind legs. The Fool soon became a speck in the blue sky, marked with a shine.
"Phew! Finally! Now Ponyville can relax with that freak gone!"
"Dashie! That was totally mean of you to do that to the new pony!" Pinkie Pie scolded. "Why would you do that to a funny guy like him!?"
"Uh, Pinkie?" Rainbow Dash deadpanned. "That was no pony I've ever seen and in case you haven't heard, he's been reeking more chaos here than Discord did last year!"
"Sooooooo...?"
Rainbow Dash wiped her face downward with her hoof. "So, he's made other ponies around here his victims to his pranks! He had Big Mac get spanked by Granny Smith, traumatized both of those snobby brat fillies (even though they were brattly little jerks), sent Carrot Top to become Screw Loose's new playmate, scared Fluttershy half to death, soaked me in seltzer and made fillyfoolers out of AJ and Rarity!"
Pinkie Pie just sat there on the rooftop, no emotion, no clue. A fly flew in one ear and out of the other.
Rainbow Dash groaned.
"You're gonna become friend with that guy, aren't you?" she asked.
"Eeyup!" Pinkie squeaked. "A prankster who puts a lot of zeal into his work should totally be my friend!" The pink Earth pony visored her eyes towards the direction where The Fool flew towards. "And judging by the power of that kick you landed him, he must be making a beeline towards Canterlot!"
"CANTERLOT!?" Rainbow Dash screamed. "But Twilight and the princesses are having a summit there! This could be trouble! Come on, we gotta warn them about that freak!" Rainbow zoomed into the sky with lightning-fast speed for the capital of Equestria, leaving Pinkie Pie stranded on the rooftop.
"Okay! Call me if you need anything! La la la la la, la la la, la la la!"
Author's Note
* Muffled conversation, for any of you who don't know.
Blood in my Fool
"Spread out through the castle! Nopony goes in or out until further notice!"
"What about the intruder?"
"Be careful, this guy's unpredictable! He can get you at anytime, anyplace and anyhow!"
"Yes sir!"
The guard stallions spread through the halls of Canterlot Castle. Pegasus stallions flew into the air for an aerial view, while the unicorns used their magic to search through the dark places. However, they did not expect to find The Fool hiding in the main hall, hanging on one of the tapestries by his legs.
"Wow, I haven't seen this in security since Bush got hit in the head with a shoe. Hohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool, being a skilled acrobat, flipped upside and crouched on the rack. "I guess I'd better get outta here before they find me here. Better safe than sorry, that's what I always say. Hohoho-hahaha!"
The Fool once again hung himself upside down on the tapestry and found himself staring into the yellow eyes of an estranged creature with a pony head, a lizard-like body and the limbs and horns of different animal parts.
"Oh, hello," The Fool said, tipping his hat. "And who might you be? More importantly, what might you be?"
"Ah, so you are a gentlecolt after all," the creature observed. "Well, since you've politely asked me who I am, I am Discord, draconequus, reformed Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony..." Discord's face became shaded with sinister shadow. "...and soon to be your worst nightmare."
"Like my naked grandma in a bathtub? Hohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool chortled.
"Now that is one image I'd like to get out of my head," Discord thought aloud before turning to the human jester. "No. Your worst nightmare means that I upstage the guy who's took my title as a Spirit of Chaos." The draconequus shot his eyes into The Fool's upside down face. "There only be one, and I mean ONE Spirit of Chaos and that is me, get it?"
"Oh-hohohoho! I get it, I get it," The Fool said, flipping himself off of the tapestry and onto a large lime-green bubbe to sit on in the air. "You believe that I came to Equestria to steal your infamy and obscurity as Spirit of Chaos?"
"I don't believe you stole it, I already know you stole it!"
The Fool chuckled in disbelief. "Oh-hohohoho-hahaha! Oh no, sir! The Fool, that is I, never intends to take the titles away from someone for a pleasurable laugh! If there is one thing I get a pleasurable laugh out of, it's putting corrupt power and nasty little dictators in their place!"
"Oh, you do, do ya?" Discord asked skeptically. "Why don't you prove that to me? Prove it and I will accept my title as Spirit of Chaos back."
"Oh, I will, my mishmashed friend." The Fool stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles together, palms facing outward. "All I gotta do is find a regular douchebag who lives in this castle, first."
"What do you mean I'm not allowed to leave the castle!?" Discord and The Fool turned to the main entrance of the castle to find a white, unicorn stallion with a blonde mane, black tuxedo and a compass Cutie Mark argue with the guards. "Don't you ungrateful worms all know who I am!?"
"Yes we do, Prince Blueblood," one of the stallions answered. "But Princess Celestia ordered that the exits be restricted until further notice."
"Humph. Just like my Aunt Celestia to order such an uncouth notice. I'll be tardy to my coat grooming!" Blueblood turned around with his nose tilted upward in a proud manner. "No matter, I shall retire to my private quarters then. Until then, I wish to not be disturbed or I shall report this to my aunt. Understand?"
"Yes, Prince Blueblood."
The regal stallion ventured his way upstairs and down the hall. The Fool peered through an "O" he shaped with his fingers and chuckled. "Oh-hohohoho. Snobbish, arrogant, narcissistic and proud. Target sighted."
"And do you really believe you can prove yourself with him?" Discord asked, floating upside down.
"Hohoho. Discord, my floating animal mishmash friend, if there is one thing that I learned as a trickster, it's that the feeling public humiliation and dissection is a fate far worse than death." The Fool reached in his jacket and pulled out a throat spray bottle with a red liquid inside. "And believe me, there's no greater pleasure that seeing a rich snob get what he rightfully deserves: a lesson in humility. Hohohoho-hahahahaha!"
^W^
Prince Blueblood hung up his jacket that his maids forcefully did for him. He tucked himself under the covers of his queen-sized bed, pulled a blindfold over his eyes, inserted earplugs in his ears and began to snore. His snoring was so unbearable and loud, he was unaware of the POP! that brought about a human jester in his bedroom.
The Fool crept over to the unicorn stallion, careful that his tap shoes did not grab anypony's attention.
He waved his gloved hand over Blueblood's eyes.
Nothing.
He snapped his fingers thrice.
Still nothing.
He tapped his shoes at random and did a loud jig on the tile floors.
Absolutely nothing.
"Hohohohoho. Perfect. Nothing says 'practical joke' like a victim who's blissfully unaware of his surroundings." The Fool crept to Blueblood's dresser, where there was a spray bottle with red liquid inside. He pulled out the identical bottle and replaced it with the original. "Hohoho-hahahaha. There, now everything is set."
Discord popped out of The Fool's hat, no bigger than a small rabbit.
"That's it?" the draconequus questioned. "You want to publicly humiliate Prince Bigmouth there and replacing his little spritzer is going to be the big prank you pull?" Discord's mouth was closed by The Fool's gigantic fingers.
"Easy there, Discord, all good things will come if you wait," the human said, before popping out of the room and outside the bedroom window, alongside an impatient Discord. "There's an old saying, my friend, patience is a virtue. Once the stallion wakes up, we'll be up to our necks in comedy gold!"
Discord snapped his talons and a recliner appeared under him. "Hmmph. If I knew this would take so long, I would've had more fun seeing an apple brown."
"Hohohoho! Wipe that long face off of yours, Discord! I guarantee it will be funny, or your money back!" The Fool peered in the window at the sleeping prince snoring in his bedchambers. "Now we wait. Now we wait."
Two Hours Later...
Blueblood stirred in his bed and yawned. He took out his blindfold and his earplugs and laid on his back, staring up at the canopy over his bed. "That aunt of mine. Prohibiting access outside of the castle because of some commoner is just uncouth," he said with a humph. "If only I was on the throne instead of her. Then I would've prevented some commoner from entering the castle in the first place."
Blueblood settled himself on the floor and stretched his legs. The snobbish prince slipped on his tuxedo, combed his hair then sprayed his throat with his bottle before he trotted out of his room. He walked down the halls, not paying any mind to the soldiers patrolling the halls except for a couple of noble mares gossiping about the castle lockdown.
"A dangerous intruder in Canerlot Castle? How simply dreadful."
"Indeed. Who knew how much chaos one little troublemaker can be?"
Blueblood smirked. It looked like he found his next two ladies to invite over for his get together tonight. Being the womanizing stallion he was, Blueblood turned on his boyish charm and trotted over to the mares. The mares were slightly surprised by the sudden appearance of the unicorn prince. With a sly smile, Blueblood opened his mouth to speak with his silver tongue.
"Hello, my fair maidens. I couldn't help but overhear about an intruder running amidst in our castle." The mares' jaws dropped to the floor once they heard the prince's once charming voice reduced to nothing but a high-pitched squeaky voice. "Might I inquire that we discuss the matter of this utmost emergency somewhere private?"
Blueblood bounced his eyebrows with his smug little grin.
The mares simultaneously snickered then burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Blueblood gasped in exasperation as he observed the mocking laughter and the hooves pointed directly at him.
"What's this!? How dare you laugh at a member of the royal family!? Don't you know I have connections to--!?"
That's when Blueblood realized what was wrong. He could not see, nor hear something terrible had changed him due to his stubbornness and arrogance. His voice was as squeaky as a tiny pony, as if he sucked the helium out of a balloon...something that only a commoner would do.
Hastily, he cantered back through the halls, screaming his squeaky voice off.
"Somepony call my Aunt Celestia! The intruder has tampered with my voice!" Blueblood yelled, getting the bug-eyed attention of the guard stallions. He quickly barged in his room for cover. "Somepony catch the intruder! That ruffian has--!"
SPLAT!
Blueblood froze. He did not dare see what had splattered all over his perfectly groomed coat and mane, but he did anyway. He found himself doused in apple fritters, cotton candy, fried dough, cherry pie filling...every carnival cuisine that he absolutely detested, all fell onto him from a bucket perched at his bedchamber doors.
Blueblood inhaled loudly.
This is the part where he goes berserk.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The screams resounded through the walls, a scream that would make Luna herself jealous. Frozen in shock, he stood at the door, breathless by the heinous action performed by who he assumed the intruder. The guards assembled to the bedroom, followed by the four alicorn princesses and Rainbow Dash. Celestia's eyes narrowed, for it didn't take a genius to realized the creature responsible for this mess.
"It seems that we have underestimated our foe again, Luna," Celestia said with a serious tone in her voice. "It looks like nopony is safe anytime or anywhere, for this Fool can strike us at any time."
"Sister, wait," Luna said pausing. "Can you feel that?"
Celestia paused. She took a moment to stand there with her eyes closed before they were suddenly snapped back open. Celestia's stoic face turned into a sly smile that she shared with the darker alicorn. "I can, Luna," she said. "The Fool has made a grave error."
"Error? What error?" Twilight asked.
"The Fool, as it seems, has somehow obtained only a shard of chaos magic along with the power to teleport at will," Celestia explained. "His tracks would normally be gone with a snap of his fingers. Instead, his ability to teleport has left us a trail to follow."
"Princess Celestia, I don't under..." Twilight left off as she began to decipher Celestia's cryptic idea. "Oh, I get it. You plan on tracking the presence of his teleportation with a bit of the chaos magic he has."
"Exactly, Twilight. And I sense that The Fool is just above our heads."
^W^
"Ah, hahahahaha!"
"Hohoho-hahahahahaha!"
"Di-Did you get a look on that stallion's face!? Priceless!" Disco said, wiping a tear with his lion paw.
"And with a bucket of carnival food dumping on that prince, I didn't think he'd scream that loud!" The Fool bent backwards on the spire of Blueblood's tower guffawing as he knew his plan went off like clockwork. "And you have to admit, replacing his original throat spray bottle with liquid helium was genius! Oh-hohohoho-hahahaha!"
"Hahaha! Indeed, you really do know your way around chaos!" Discord pulled The Fool in with his avian-like talons. "Say, you know how to pull a good prank, Fool! Why don't the two of us work together and spread enough chaos to bring Equestria to its knees...uh, I mean, give them all something to laugh at?"
The Fool rubbed his chin as he pondered the idea. "Say, not a bad idea. We could be 'Discord and The Fool, Masters of Chaos, Princes of Pranks and Bringer of Brouhahas!'" The Fool patted Discord's chest as he pulled the draconequus closer to him. "Discord, I have a feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
"If you think friendship is beautiful, then you should see how ugly enemies can be!"
Discord and The Fool turned around, astonished to find themselves surrounded by Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Twilight and Rainbow Dash, all flying at a circular formation with angry faces pointed at the duo. Discord shrank himself back into THe Fool's back as the latter looked at the flying ponies nonchalantly.
"It's over, trickster. Give up your mischeivious ways and your indicting will be hospitable," Celestia said with a soft, serious tone.
The Fool giggled to the white alicorn's orders. "Yep. Exactly like my previously visited towns, except with ponies. Hohohohoho."
A Fool Royal
"Stand down, trickster! Your reign of chaos has come to an end!" Luna yelled.
"Hohohoho-hahahahaha! It's so nice for someone to acknowledge me as a trickster! Everyone else just calls me a clown, freak or a monster!" The Fool chortled, bowing his head to the princesses with his hat off. "By the way, how is it that you've found me all the way up here?"
"You're not the only creature who can reek such chaos," Celestia said, looking over The Fool's shoulder. "Isn't that right, Discord?"
The timid looking draconequus peeked from from behind The Fool's shoulder. "Oh, heh, heh, heh...hello, Celestia. Nice to see you again. Such lovely, non-chaotic weather we're having, isn't it?" he stammered, waving his lion paw to the deadpanning alicorn.
"Hold your forked tongue, Discord," Celestia scolded. "You've been in association with our newfound enemy."
"Enemy!?" Discord began to laugh haughtily. "How funny! You think that I've been in cahoots with this colorblind creature just to help create chaos. Ahahahahaha!" The alicorns all glared at Discord as he continued to laugh until he ran out of breath. "Silly pony, chaos is for draconequui! I mean, what made you think I'd want to create chaos with this guy?"
"You're with this trickster as we speak," Cadence answered.
"You're still untrustworthy to us ever since the Everfree Forest incident," Twilight added.
Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared out of nowhere, shocking everypony else. "And you said you wanted to give Equestria something to laugh at last chapter without giving a single thought that I might've wanted to join in on your pranking!" Pinkie brought her frantic face into Discord's. "Not a single thought!!"
"Pinkie Pie? How'd you get here and when did you get here?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Oh, that's easy! I skipped a couple of chapters five minutes ago! You should've seen the author freak!" she giggled, earning confused looks from everypony, save for the draconequus and the human.
Well, if the human didn't wear a mask, that is.
"Author? Chapter?" Twilight asked again.
"Well, this is a Random story, so go along with it," Discord said, giving the "shoo, shoo" motion with his talons before reaching out and pulling Pinkie in his grip. "But never that. Tell me, what is my favorite Element of Harmony doing here during such a time?" he asked, giving a noogie in Pinkie's cotton candy mane.
"Oh, I heard that a certain somepony was in Canterlot and he looked like the guy was tons and tons of fun," the pink pony explained before she broke from Discord's grasp. "So I hopped on the train to Canterlot then I hopped all the way here and noooowwww...I'M HERE!"
FWEEEEEE!
Confetti and streamers exploded from behind Pinkie as she said "HERE."
"Well, I'm sorry to cut your fun short, Pinkie, but we have to take your friend into jail," Twilight said, flying closer to The Fool. "Not only has he caused chaos in Ponyville, but he's also drugged the Royal Guards and he made an attempt against a member of the Royal Family. So he's gotta..."
"That's not him, silly!" Pinkie interjected.
"WHAT!?" everypony yelled.
"What are you talking about, Pinkie? This is obviously the same guy who's been tricking us!"
"Oh, Twilight, don't you get it!? He's an inflatable dummy!"
"A dummy!?"
"Yeppers! I mean, if this Fool really is The Fool, then he wouldn't have a plug on his back to keep the air in!" Pinkie Pie galloped behind The Fool and released the aforementioned plug and the air out of the dummy. Everypony, even Discord himself, were mortified by the trick played on them in plain sight.
"Huh. Now how did I miss that?" Discord asked.
"It doesn't matter now," Cadence declared. "What matters is that The Fool is running loose again."
"Agreed. He could not have gone far," Luna deduced.
"But where could he have gone? He could be anywhere in the castle. It's like a maze," Twilight pointed out.
"Hohohohoho!" Everypony turned their gaze to a nearby spire, where who else but The Fool stood with both feet perfectly perched on the tip and eating a piece of cake. "Has it occurred to any of you I could be on the castle? It's kinda like switching the stickers on a Rubik's Cube except taller. Hohohoho-hahaha!"
The ponies looked on with buggy eyes and slack jaws. There was no way The Fool could stand on something so tiny and pointy, he'd keep in perfect balance while he was eating cake. But there was something about the cake that seemed a little off to everypony...
That was until...
"Excuse me," Celestia said. "But where exactly did you get that cake?"
"Oh, I was feeling hungry three minutes ago, so I went tod the kitchen without anybody else watching and found a cake just sitting alone on the counter," The Fool said, turning his head away to take a bite out of the cake. "Why? Did you want some cake, Your Highness?"
"That cake..." Celestia's eyes widened in horror. "That wouldn't happen to be a vanilla cake with marzipan frosting and coconut bit toppings, is it?"
"With a nice custard sauce, very nice," the jester said, giving it an "OK" sign with his fingers.
Everypony gasped in shock. The Fool knew better than to take a bite out of Celestia's cakes and now he had to learn the hard way. Celestia's ivory face filled up with red before blows of smoke and fire burst from her nose, ears and ethereal mane.
"Uh-oh. Looks like it's that time of the month again," Discord mused.
"YOU DARE STEAL A PIECE OF MY ROYAL DELICACIES AND GET AWAY WITH IT!?" Celestia screamed in her Royal Canterlot Voice. She rose up in the air and was shaded by the bright light behind her, looking as if an angel fro Heaven was casting her final judgment on The Fool. "I HEREBY SENTENCE YOU, TRICKSTER, TO BE BANISHED FOR A THOUSAND YEARS...TO THE SUN!!"
The worst type of banishment there was.
Celestia's horn lit up a light as bright as the sun. Everypony else ducked out for cover as the ivory alicorn shot a blast of light the size of the Canterlot homes. The Fool chuckled as he disappeared into the light, which reached out of Equestria and out to sea. The light dissipated, Celestia staggered, feeling out of breath and a bell rang next to her ear.
DING!
"And the lady gets a cigar!" The Fool said, shoving in a bum cigar in the Princess's mouth. "Not that there are cigars in here. This is a kid's show. Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
The Fool disappeared as Celestia glowered before she prepared to spit the cigar out.
PTOO-
BOOM!
Celestia's face became black with soot, courtesy of the explosive cigar. The Fool clicked his heels and zipped away to another tower spire, where he landed on one foot, then jumped and flipped to another spire with the other. Celestia kept a deadpanned look as the winged ponies, plus Pinkie Pie surrounded her in worry.
"Princess Celestia.."
"Just. Celestia. Please," she growled at Twilight.
"Celestia, are you alright?" the young alicorn asked.
"Never mind me," Celestia said. "Just get that human and drag him down to Tartarus."
"Uh...right." Twilight waved her hoof and she and the other ponies went after The Fool. This left Celestia on the tower, still deadpanning and pondering the worst ways to punish The Fool. Worse than imprisoning him in stone, in the ice of the Arctic North or in the cold, barren moon.
Worse than death itself.
^W^
"HohohohohohoHO!"
The Fool leapt off every spire of every tower he jumped on, using what wits he had to elude the ponies pursuing him. He came across armored pegasi using intercepting formations to block and capture the creature. If only they were informed of the pop that slipped The Fool past the guards and onto a tower behind them. He leapt off that same tower and slid down the stair railing with both feet. As a skilled skater, acrobat and show off, The Fool jumped up, revealed his staff and sat Indian-style on the green orb tip, meditating while he was at it.
As he approached the doorway down the staircase railing, he saw a small phalanx of soldiers blocking the entrance and sheathing their spears.
"Alright you! Freeze!"
The Fool chuckled.
"Hohoho-hahahaha! Freeze? Careful what you wish for!"
The Fool shot light blue bubbles at the stallions, instantly freezing them upon popping. Soon, the armored stallions were reduced to nothing but ice sculptures. The Fool leapt off of his staff and over the frozen stallions before he turned back to them.
"You know, I don't like leaving you like this without something to say first. Otherwise, I'd be giving the cold soldier. Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
With that said, The Fool scuttled his feet and moved rapidly down the hallway. While his scurrying feet took him down the hall, the neatly-dressed jester took quick glances at the stained windows he passed in a second. Such artwork, such color, such detail. A picture's worth a thousand words, like his fellow humans said. He arrived at a fork in the hall...
...then he found himself surrounded by spears pointing at him and cornering him at the wall.
Cadence and Luna had appeared at the scene just as The Fool found himself in a pickle. The ceiling wasn't tall enough for him to do a wall jump or doing his acrobats on the spear tips. Even if he could, the alicorns' magic was too powerful to elude from. Oh, if only miracles came in for The Fool, then right now is the only time he really needed it.
"It's over, Fool. We have you surrounded and there is no way out," Cadence stated.
"By order of Princess Celestia, Princess of Equestria and the Sun, you are hereby under arrest on multiple charges and will be subjected to interrogation upon your impending trial," Luna stated, narrow-eyed and seething. "It also by law that you remove your mask so we may identify your face."
The Fool perked. "What?"
"I said take off your mask," Luna repeated.
"Umm...no."
"No?" Cadence parroted. "And why shouldn't you reveal your true face to us?"
"Well, let's just say that by the time you see my face, you'd be wishing I kept my mask on."
"We do not care if your face is your own matter," Luna scolded. "Take off you mask, or your arrest may end painfully!"
"No."
"Guards!"
"Alright, alright already!" The Fool screeched, throwing his hands up defensively before he gave the alicorns a bow. "As you command, Your Highness. Prepare for years of electro-shock thereapy."
The Fool took off his mask.
^W^
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Everypony in Canterlot and in Ponyville jumped to the sound of a mare's loud screaming. Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie turned their heads in shock as they realized who made the scream in the Royal Canterlot Voice and where the screaming came from.
"Come on, girls! Hurry!" Twilight ordered.
Meanwhile, The Fool put his mask back on his face and faced a crowd of ponies, all stiff, frozen or shaken with intense fright. It was like they've seen a ghost or something. The guards huddled close together. Cadence hiding in the ceiling rafters. Luna standing there, with fear struck deep within her eyes.
"I told you so. Hohohoho-hahaha!" The Fool tipped his hat downward, scuffled his feet and proceeded his way down the hall, when he found himself walking in place...in the air...covered in a lavender aura. He looked and saw a very...no, scratch that...EXTREMELY peeved Twilight Sparkle with her horn lit. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie flanked the alicorn, with the pegasus scowling The Fool angrily.
"You know, you girls aren't very fun," The Fool said, crossing his arms.
"Hey! That's not true!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "I'm tons and tons of fun! Hey, we still have a party to--!" Pinkie's mouth was clamped shut by Rainbow Dash, but her muffled screams still continued on.
"Meanwhile, we're locking you in the dungeons for assault against the crown," Twilight growled, venom mixed in with her words. "I'm sure a comedy flop like yourself deserves to get the hook."
"Oooooh," The Fool shivered. "Someone give me some ice for that burn. Good thing I've got a few 'cornsicles standing at the end of this hall. Hohohoho-hahaha!"
Fool and Order
"And you say you have the human locked deep in the dungeons, Twilight?"
"Of course, Celestia. We have his wrists strapped in hoofcuffs and we gave him a unicorn horn blocker to cancel out any magic powers that guy can do. We also took the liberty of confiscating whatever gear and tricks he had hidden in his tuxedo as a precaution."
"Good. I would like a word with him alone."
Twilight and Celestia ventured deep into the dungeons, where Twilight locked The Fool away. The dungeons were built deep in the underground caves of Canterlot Mountain, lit only dimly by the illuminating crystals in the cavern walls. They came across a barred cell, guarded by two armored stallions on each side of the cell.
"I wish to speak to the human," Celestia requested.
The guard unicorns stepped aside and opened the cell door, letting Celestia inside and leaving Twilight out. Inside the cell, The Fool was standing in perfect balance on his cuffed gloved hands, humming randomly while Celestia stared at the human jester with a stern look.
"I take it your visit to dungeons has been pleasurable," she said with a dropped tone in her voice.
"You have no idea, Your Highness!" The Fool chuckled, flipping back on his feet. "I just love the dungeons here! The crags are just phenomenal, there's plenty of room for me to practice my yoga and..." The Fool trailed off as he began to tap dance on the rocky floor, turned a full 360 on one foot and gave a big finish. "...very good ground for a little jig or two. Hohoho-hahaha!"
"You my keep laughing however you want," Celestia said sternly. "Because tomorrow, you will be held for trial on account of all the atrocities you've committed."
"Atrocities? Why, whatever did I do to get on your bad side?" The Fool asked, feigning ignorance.
"We will get to all that later," Celestia answered, still scowling at the human jester. "Right now, I want to ask you a few questions. Who are you? How did you find your way to Equestria? More importantly, why did you create such chaos on my subjects?"
The Fool chortled. "Hohohoho-hahahaha! Oh dear! Did I really forget my manners several chapters ago?" he asked rhetorically. "Well then, since our introductions have gone stale from the time we first met, then allow me to introduce myself. I am The Fool, a lone jester alone on the road." The Fool bowed deep and removed his hat in respect. "At your service, m'lady."
"Refrain from calling me your lady,'" Celestia ordered coldly. "Now, tell me how you arrived in Equestria."
"Hohoho-hahaha. Oh, that's an easy one." The Fool leaned to Celestia's ear and whispered, "I walked here."
"You walked here?"
"Mm-hmm."
"But how was it that you simply walked here?" the ivory alicorn asked, slightly surprised. "From what my faithful student said, you humans live in another world separate to ours. You couldn't have just walked in Equestria without the use of a portal."
The Fool chortled. "Hohoho-hahahaha! I'll tell you how I walked here," he said, slowly walking to the prison door.
"Put one foot in front of the other,
The Fool gripped the prison door and swung it open. There, the guards immediately revealed their spears to the human, making him jump back a little. With no way out of the cell, The Fool slammed the door and walked backwards. Heck, the song he sung just now sounded backwards!
"!roooood eht tuo gnilkaw eb ll'uoy ,noos dnA
The Fool sat down on a chair and looked back to Celestia, who wore her stoic mask over her peeved inner self. "Nothing gets through to you that quickly, does it, Fool?" she asked neutrally.
"Nothing except for a three-bean chili con carne," The Fool said, laughing to his terrible pun.
"Mr. Fool, the reason I am down here is NOT to make jokes," Celestia said, reverting back to her authoritative tone. “I am here to collect information regarding how you came to this world and your motive for creating such chaos in Ponyville.”
“And I’m telling ‘how I came to this world,’” The Fool chortled, imitating the ivory alicorn’s voice. “I simply walked into Equestria. Nothing more.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “You just walked into Equestria?”
“While I was sleeping.”
Celestia’s stoic face now became surprised, complete with buggy eyes. “You walked into Equestria while you were sleeping? And you never bothered to wake up and see where you were going at the time!?”
The Fool nodded.
Celestia growled like an animal, with foam forming in her mouth. Her eyes became bloodshot with rage. She shook rapidly like she was having a seizure before she stopped, breathed deeply and regained herself.
“Steady, Celestia. This will all pay off soon.” With the clearing of her throat, Celestia went back to the questions. “Now that your explanation of your arrival has raised even more questions...” she said, grumbling at the last three words. “What I want to know is why you have created such chaos among my loyal subjects.”
“Your loyal subjects!?” The Fool echoed with a spittle. “Phbbt! Puh-lease! I wouldn’t call them my loyal subjects if they started screaming and running around like pansies when I ask them the directions to Canada! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such terrible manners to treat a visitor passing by!”
"So you got back to everypony by pulling ridiculous pranks?" Celestia asked.
"Well, what's wrong with having a little fun?"
"I can tell you two things that are wrong with your fun!" Celestia said with a raise of tone. "One, my sister and I banned such chaos a thousand years ago, thanks to your new friend, Discord! Second, the ponies that you have tricked have suffered greatly becuase of your so-called fun!"
"Well, not all of them suffered," The Fool chortled, remembering his encounter with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Celestia was still not amused. "Most of the citizens of Ponyville have suffered," she spat. "And now they are pressing charges against you for the chaos you caused upon them. In addition, you're also charged with multiple assaults against the Royal Family, which happens to be one of the worst crimes you could commit."
"Assaults," The Fool asked, tilting his head. "No, I don't like assaults. I prefer garlic powder. Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
Celestia slapped her hoof to her forehead and dragged it down her face. "No, not salts ," she growled. "Assaults. As in trying to make a physical attack onto somepony else, like when you tampered with Prince Blueblood's voice earlier today."
"Oh, that? Well, someone with both a high position and an arrogant attitude needed to be put in his place," the human jester said, leaning slightly towards Celestia. "Plus, I did you a favor. He would've overthrown you and your kingdom if I never stepped up to the plate."
"That's hard to believe, considering that you also sent my sister, Luna, my niece, Mi Amore Cadenza and the guards present to the psychiatric ward."
"To be honest, I told them I did NOT want to take my mask off in front of them."
"What about the bum cigar you shoved in my mouth?"
"An old custom among my people. You were such a good shot with that destructo-beam of yours, that I could NOT let your attempt go unrewarded. Hohohohohoho!"
Celestia rubbed her temples. The Fool was so irritating, he was actually giving her a headache. "Mr. Fool, I didn't come down here to joke around," she stated seriously. "Assaulting a member of the Royal Family, including Yours Truly, is a serious crime. The punishment of doing so are either execution, banishment or a life-long sentence in prison."
The ivory alicorn turned and trotted out the door. "You will appear before me in the Day Court tomorrow to discuss your judgment. Though, it is most likely that execution might be your sentence."
"Hohohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool chortled. "Sorry to ruin your good mood, but I don't think that sentence is going to happen anytime soon."
Celestia turned her gaze to The Fool.
"And why is that?"
The jester pointed to the ground. Celestia looked to her hooves and, to her complete surprise, saw her hooves shackled in in the same cuffs The Fool was restrained by the wrists. The jester chuckled as he removed two fake arms from his sleeves. "Rule number one about capturing a trickster like me," The Fool explained. "When you're restraining the hands of a jester with magic nullifying cuffs, make sure they are actually my hands. Hohohohoho-hahahaha!"
"GUARDS!"
The cell door opened and a few guards rushed into the cell, spears unsheathed. Twilight cantered in after the guards and gasped. The Fool had formulated his escape plan from the very moment he got captured! Now the final phase of his escape was about to begin.
"Thank you, thank you! You've been a wonderful audience!" The Fool said, bowing with his hat off. "And now for my final trick, I shall pull a rabbit out of my hat!" The Fool reached deep inside his triangular hat and pulled out a rocket launcher, labeled "RABBIT."
"What? Didn't think this was the rabbit you were looking for?" The Fool asked the audience.
The Fool then pointed the rocket to the craggy wall.
He clicked the trigger.
BOOOM!
Everypony except for The Fool was blown back to the bars by the loud and explosive force of the rocket's detonation. As the smoke cleared, a giant hole was formed, revealing the glorious shine of daylight. The Fool walked nonchalantly to the hole and turned back to the ponies. He carried a boom box on his shoulder.
"It looks like I have gone out..." The Fool applied a pair of sunglasses over the eyeholes of his mask. "...with a bang."
CLICK
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The Fool somersaulted backwards out of the hole and down 1000 feet of the mountainside and disappeared into the forest below. The armored stallions and the two alicorns staggered up on their hooves. The alicorns' ears were ringing intensely, but they swore they could hear The Fool's shrill laughter in the background. Celestia limped to the hole and looked down into the forest, where The Fool disappeared to.
"Now, let it be war upon you, Fool," Celestia said, glaring at the forest.
The Fool was now officially persona non grata.
And it's not the cheese you would sprinkle on spaghetti.
Author's Note
This chapter is just an overture. Now the REAL story can begin next chapter!
Your Royal Foolness
"...and that is why we must ban barbecue sauce from every store in Equestria."
Newly appointed princess Twilight Sparkle finished her presentation to the three princesses gathered at the throne room. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza (Call her Cadence. She insists she must be called by her nickname) sat on the throne, listening in on Twilight's idea of a new law to be passed around Equestria.
"A wonderful idea, Twilight," Celestia complimented her former faithful student. "It will take some doing to pass your law with the other nobles in the Day Court, but I am fairly certain it will come to pass. Is there anything else you would like to add to your presentation?"
"No, your highness," Twilight said.
"Good. I hereby declare this summit adjourned."
The four princesses trotted out of the throne room, the door guarded by two armor clad stallions holding a spear in one hoof. Their stoic and unchanged faces were kept as the four alicorns conversed about the summit. "You were excellent with your presentation in there, Twilight," Cadence said to the youngest alicorn. "So tell me, did you feel nervous or did you feel excited?"
"I admit, I was a little bit of both," Twilight said with slight skittishness in her voice. "But luckily, I was prepared for that with a book I read about public speaking and how to keep calm during presentations."
"That sounds like an interesting book to read," Celestia chimed in with a smirk. "You'll have to tell me all about it."
"Okay. So, first chapter..."
"Twilight! Hey, Twilight!" The alicorns turned to the voice of the young dragon, Spike, who carried a big roll of newspaper with a serious face on him. "Just...give...me...moment...to..." the baby drake said in complete sentences. He inhaled deeply and said, "Twilight, you've gotta read this."
Spike held the newspaper in front of the alicorns. It read: "CHAOS RETURNS TO PONYVILLE. Earlier this morning, the town of Ponyville has been invaded by a mysterious prankster who was reported to have victimized innocent ponies through mischief and madcap pranks. Reports of mysterious happenings occurring included the apples of Sweet Apple Acres being tampered with or turned to pears, two fillies claimed to have seen ghosts and a garden of carrots coming to life. Citizens point such occurrences towards the work of the draconequus, Discord. Continued on page 4A. "
The alicorns' eyes narrowed in anger when they read the article.
"Chaos in Ponyville, huh?" Twilight huffed. "And I bet we know who is responsible for that."
"Yes," said Celestia.
"Indeed," concurred Luna.
"I agree," Cadence finished.
^W^
The alicorns stood in the gardens in a circled formation (Or was it a square? It didn't matter now). The four alicorns lit their horns, then their eye illuminated a white light, no trace of the irises or the pupils. Their alicorn magic beams shot towards the center of the formation where the combined streams of the magic grew into one light. The grew bigger and bigger until the light flashed, revealing a serpent-like creature with a mishmash of animal body parts for his body parts. He wore a yellow-and-green striped T-shirt, a red cap, red sunglasses, laid on a beach chair and sipping chocolate milk through a swirly straw.
"Say, did it just become a little drafty or is it me?" Discord the draconequus said, looking around the area. He pulled down his sunglasses and found himself in the line of angry glares firing towards him. "Oh, it's you girls. Well whatever it is that you want, tell me quickly. I'm in the middle of my vacation." Discord sipped his milk through his straw as the alicorns approached him.
"And I'm afraid we must cut your vacation short, Discord," Celestia scolded in a soft, yet authoritative tone. "You've violated your parole and your oath to not use your powers for chaos again."
"Why, whatever are you talking about?" Discord asked, losing his patience. "Are you saying that a reformed Spirit of Chaos like moi is creating disharmony, even though I gave my solemn word not to use my powers for evil again?" Discord put his lion paw on his chest and a halo appeared over his head. "Why, Celestia, I feel so insulted right now. And here I thought, I was actually liking you and your little sister."
"Spare us the lamentation, Discord," Luna retorted. "We know you reeked chaos in Ponyville again."
"Yes. It was even featured in the front page of today's paper," Twilight said, levitating the newspaper to Discord. The draconequus snapped his talons and his sunglasses became reading glasses in a flash of white light. He put them on and mumbled the words in the article. His yellow eyes bugged out in shock and infuriating anger.
"WHAT!? Somepony else is creating chaos and I'm the one being blamed for this mess!?" Discord snapped his talons and the newspaper blazed in a fire that turned to ashes seconds later. He paced around the garden with a mad scowl on his long face. "How dare he try and make a mockery out of my chaos! Oooh, he cannot get away with this! I'll sue! I'll demand legal rights for copyrighting my title as 'Spirit of Chaos!' I'll bring this case to the Day Court if I have to, but let me just say...NOPONY HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE THE LIMELIGHT OF MY GLORY AWAY FROM ME!?"
"Wait, so you're not the one who created chaos in Ponyville?" Cadence asked, feeling pity for the elderly creature.
"No, I did not," Discord huffed. "If I wanted to create such wonderful chaos anywhere, I would do it easily with a single snap of my claws!"
"Well, if you didn't, then who--?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
Everypony looked up to see something, or somepony falling out of the sky. The four alicorns backed away, leaving Discord exposed to the laughing missile. With nothing left to do, Discord pulled an umbrella from his back and opened it, with the canopy curved upward and the draconequus with a scared look.
CRASH!
The impact left a crater where Discord once stood. Now all that was left was a couple of blue-and-yellow striped legs with taps shoes worn on its feet sticking out of the dirt. The legs wriggled, then plopped them on the ground, pulling out a bipedal creature with a hand attached to each arm and a face covered by a golden mask of comedy. His head was spinning round and round, until he shook it off and chortled.
"Well, I guess that's one way to make an entrance. Hohohoho-hahaha!"
The colorfully dressed biped soon found himself surrounded by a series of spears belonging to a circular phalanx of armor clad stallions. He held his hands up in surrender. "Now quit pointing those spears at me! Don't you know you might take somebody's eyeball with those?" The biped grabbed a spear, smashed on the ground and bent the blade. "Here, why don't you go play Game of Thrones somewhere else? Hohohoho-hahaha!"
"Somebody?" Then something hit Twilight, more than the biped did to Discord. "Wait a minute. I know this creature," she said, struck with realization. "Back when Sunset Shimmer stole my crown, I was transported to a world where it was populated with creatures like this one. That creature is called a human."
The biped turned to the young alicorn who spoke first from the other three alicorns. "Oh, hello. I thought I heard you say 'humans' just now." The Fool jumped high out of the circle of spears and landed in front of Twilight. "Why? Have you met other humans like me?"
"Well, not exactly but..."
"Twilight!" Everypony looked up to see Rainbow Dash, who abruptly landed in front of Twilight, her raspberry eyes angrily seething at The Fool. "Alright, bub, take one step closer to my friends and I'll blast you off into space with my Sonic Rainboom!" The cyan blue pegasus yelled, her hoof pointed towards the human.
"Looks like I'm not done tasting the rainbow. Hohohoho-hahaha!" The Fool chortled to the viewers.
"Rainbow Dash, what's gotten into you?" Twilight said, lowering her friend's hoof down. "Don't you know it's rude to crash in on us like that and threaten that human?" The purple alicorn then realized something. "Now that I mention it, what are you doing out here in Canterlot?"
"I came here to warn you about that guy! That guy's dangerous, Twilight! He's gonna get you the moment you turn your back on him!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
"Rainbow Dash, honestly. Just because he looks funny doesn't make him a bad person." Twilight looked back to The Fool, who brushed the dirt off of him. "Besides, I know about humans, Dashie. His kind populated the 'other world' in the mirror in the Crystal Empire and I'm sure he's the only one who dresses like that."
Twilight giggled while Rainbow Dash facehoofed. "But Twilight, don't you get it!? That guy's been creating chaos in Ponyville!"
"WHAT!?" Twilight looked to the newspaper then to The Fool and back again. Now it all made sense: Discord never did all those pranks in Ponyville and got mad when he found out someone was stealing his act. The alicorns gave The Fool a strict glare.
"Alright, Mr. Human. Is there anything you'd like to...?"
Twilight trailed from her question when they saw The Fool standing there casually. A little breeze blew past, tipping over the life-size wooden replica of the human jester. Everypony gasped appallingly as they realized The Fool was long gone and running through Canterlot Castle somewhere.
Celestia turned to the armor clad stallions. "Guards, seize the intruder! Do not let him out of Canterlot Castle!"
"Yes, your highness!"
The stallions cantered into the castle in search of the gallivanting human.
Rainbow Dash thrust herself into the air and hovered towards Celestia. "We're gonna help find that creep, too! That...human or whatever made a fool out of me for the last time!" She shifted her serious gaze to Twilight, who also wore the same face. "Come on, Twilight! We have a trickster to trick!"
"Right."
With that said, Twilight spread her wings and took off in the air and flew in the castle alongside her tomboy pegasus friend in pursuit of The Fool. The other three alicorns spread out into the castle to catch the intruder. As soon as everypony was out of sight, the wriggling head of Discord wormed out of the crater, dizzy from the impact of The Fool's landing.
"Now everypony wait up...those are my chocolate milk pancakes," a delirious Discord mumbled before he fainted.
^W^
"He couldn't have gotten this far! Spread out and cover more ground!"
"Yes, sir!"
The group of stallions split into small groups and proceeded down the different halls of the castle. One of the groups spotted something tall walking on two legs disappear around the corner of the hall.
"There he is! Get him!"
The armored stallions galloped down the halls where the figure disappeared. Around the corner, they ran into a field of colorful bubbles, popping some on the way down the long corridor. They swore they felt different each time they popped a bubble. When they reached another corner, they turned and stopped to what appeared to be a wooden stand with a funfair game stand with a line of coconuts on the stands. Red, blue and green lights moved around the stands as the stallions stood bewildered.
"What is the meaning of this!?" one guard asked.
"Oh-hohoho-hahaha! Don't you guys see!? It's a carnival game made just for you guys!" The stallions sheathed their spears as the lights came together to reveal The Fool, in striped carnival clothes and wearing a flat-top straw hat, much like the Flim Flam Brothers. "This is one carnival I guarantee you'll enjoy much! Hohoho-hahaha!"
The Fool marched in place as the music played.
"Down at an English fair,
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!
The Fool juggled three balls in his hand and tossed them at three of the coconuts.
"Big ones,"THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!
The guards suddenly felt their legs dancing to the beat of the music uncontrollably.
"There stands my wife,
The guards found themselves on their high hooves, holding each others' shoulders and kicking them as if the song was the "can-can." Then their mouths began to sing to the song against their own freewill.
"Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch! Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch!
The Fool tossed a quantity of baseballs to the stallions who suddenly dove for the balls to toss at the coconuts. Then they tried throwing the balls with their hooves towards the coconuts, most of them missing the hard palm fruit or just simply brazing the surface. The guards began laughing. They were enjoying the joyous fun of singing, dancing and having fun. The Fool chuckled as he finally had the stoic guards crack a smile.
"Here we go, boys! 1, 2, 3, 4!"
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! There they are, all standing in the row! Big ones, small ones, some of your head! Give 'em a twist, A flick of the wrist, That's what the showman said!"
"Now that I have a lovely bunch of coconuts!La, da, da, da, da! )Have a banana! )
"Altogether now!""Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch! Singing roll a bowl, a ball, a penny, a pitch! Roll a bowl, a ball!
The Fool and the guard stallions cheered and laughed until the jester heard the sounds of dainty hoofsteps galloping down the hall where they must've heard the singing ponies. "Uh-oh! Hate to play and run, but I have to get my show on the road! I've got things to do, ponies to trick! Hohoho-hahahaha!"
SNAP!
POP!
The Fool disappeared into bubbles, just before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna galloped to find their Royal Guards singing woozily and dancing like they were drunk with hard apple cider. "It seems that our trickster has the power of illusion, my sister," Luna said.
"All the more reason to be careful around him, Luna," Celestia replied. She lit her horn a golden flash. When the light dissipated, the guards fell on their flanks, rubbing their hands and wondering what happened to them. "We must hurry, Luna. The longer he runs in the castle, the more dangerous he could present himself to everypony."
"Of course, my sister."
The two alicorns galloped off down the corridors in search of The Fool. They ran past a stained-glass window, chronicling when the two Royal Sisters first defeated Discord. The tiled-version of Discord came to life, watching the two canter down the halls with his perfectly circular eyes.
"Hmmm...I must admit, this jester has pizzazz," Discord thought aloud, rubbing his squared chin. "But somepony needs to teach him that there can only be ONE creature of chaos, and that would be me. Hahahahaha!" Discord snapped his talons. In a white flash of light, the moving tiled draconequus went back to its original position and became immobile.
Author's Note
Song used: I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.
