Falling into Equestria is Not Fun (Co-op fic)

by Boy with a Robotic Hand

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Human
Length: 1342

I had lived a semi-normal life for about 16 years, until I was attacked by some beam of rainbows, and then found myself plummeting towards the ground in Equestria. Well, this should be fun...

I'm Alex Bird, and I had lived a semi-normal life for about 13 years, until I was attacked by some beam of rainbows, and then found myself plummeting towards the ground in Equestria; and now I have to figure out some way to adjust to living here while I try to keep both my own, and my best friend, Miles Logan's sanity in check. Fun.

I'm Miles Logan, and this is the delightful tale of how I almost descended into madness. And about HAPPY RAINBOWS AND PONIES! :D

Due to me and D-100 (my co-author) being a bit over-ambitious with this fic than we can handle at the moment, I've decided to put this fic on an indefinite hiatus until we have the skill necessary to make this a good fanfiction story. I want to give you all the best I can, and while trying to please everyone will just leave me in a mess, I can sure as hell try.

Please do check out my other stuff when it comes out, and if you actually like this fic, then, what the hell is wrong with you don't worry, I will come back to it eventually, just not anytime soon.

UPDATE: Okay, this has been added to Plan 9 from Equestria, a group dedicated to finding the best of the worst on FiMfiction, so that should you ever feel like reading a bad story, there's a huge mass of them waiting right there.

I must say: it's a great honor to have FENF be added to this group, and I must thank all of you for helping me get this far. Whoever added this to Plan 9, thank you so much, may whatever god(s) you believe in bless you with a long and fruitful life, and may you enjoy every second of it...

Okay, but in all seriousness, now that I know what Plan 9 is, I will strive to make any and all future writing of mine much better than this, and hopefully not crash and burn into a charred mess. FENF is now cancelled, due to there being no way we could redeem this without some extreme revisions, and I'm already working on another fic, which will definitely turn out better than this.

Thank you, and BURN IN HELL YOU IGNORANT, CRITICIZING TWITS have a nice, ponyfull day, ~Boy with a Robotic Hand

Published 2014-01-13 22:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-13 22:20:07 UTC

Chapter 1 - Absolutely Great Start

Author's Note

Viewpoint shifts multiple times throughout this chapter, and the coloring of the text that begins the view change defines who is narrating from there on.

Blue text: Alex narrating

Violet text: Miles narrating

(note that the repeated view changes are not going to be a staple, and most likely will not surface again)

I can't help but feel that this first chapter is a LOT weaker than the second, and not without good reason. But, all in all, I'm putting this fic on hiatus to come back to at a later date.

Chapter 1 - Absolutely Great Start

My day to this point was rather normal, just a typical Saturday for me: waking up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, etc. Nothing special, right? Well, as you probably guessed by the way I'm leading this up, it certainly was not a normal day; in that while out on a morning walk, I was assaulted by a random beam of rainbows... Well, today's certainly gonna be interesting.

"The hell is this?" I shouted, utterly confused. The evil rainbow-bullet responded by extending a hand from inside itself, and slapped me, then pointed at me with its rainbow-colored index finger. Now, I'm not sure what happens wherever you're from, but random rainbows bursting out of thin air and attacking is not something I'm used to; so naturally, I panicked. I turned and tried to run, but this thing was FAST. It immediately zipped around me, blocking off my path.

And as my mind likes to do, even when I'm not being attacked by rainbows, I started thinking up a ton of worst-case scenarios about what this thing was gonna do to me; I mean, normally I wouldn't be afraid of freaking rainbows, but they normally don't come down from the sky and start attacking people on the ground. I was also a ways away from home, so no chance I'm getting help from there, plus most people in my neighborhood were probably inside, sleeping in for reasons of Saturday.

The thing expanded until it surrounded me on all sides, guaranteeing no escape. Then, the colors started moving, making me extremely nauseous. Before I could respond with the logical solution, closing my eyes, I felt some kind of mist...was this thing hitting me with sleep gas?! Before my brain could dart to thinking about how ridiculous it is that some kind of weird rainbow-bullet-thing was surrounding me, and getting me with knockout gas, I passed out. Big surprise. Though, little did my currently unconscious self know, however; that the same thing (or at least something similar) was happening to my best friend (who lives in England), Miles Logan.

I guess it's my time to shine! Or start talking about those bloody rainbows that came to attack me.

Despite my friend in America, Alex Bird having been awake for several hours I had barely even awoken. 'This is because I thought it was a good idea to stay up until six am on Friday...' I thought to myself. As I was about to open my eyes and move from my bed a stream of rainbows decided to come and force my eyes open. I don't know what a seizure feels like but I imagine it felt like what I felt next.

My body was shaking and I felt overwhelming warmth, my eyes stung and my head throbbed with pain. It didn't take me long to scream out. My family was downstairs but apparently in the upper floors of my house no one can hear you scream. After screaming I don't remember much. Just blurry colours and pain.

When I woke up, I had almost no memory of what happened before I fell asleep; I mean, what COULD have happened? I'm a 13 year old kid (and a half, but that's not important) that has no transportation of his own besides walking, and while I do have a bike, I honestly was never interested in it enough to learn how to ride it properly. There's also the fact that I'd have to walk for a LONG time to get to any kind of store, and even so, I'm fairly certain there's no bars, or drugstores/dealers anywhere near my suburban neighborhood.

When I woke up, I only had vague memories of bright rainbows and pain. I had only just woken up. And I'm fairly certain my Mum didn't put hallucagenics in my dinner. So there was no way I could think of that caused it; other than being in a very, very realistic dream.

A few moments after I woke up, I realized I was falling.

"...Uh oh." I said, trying to wrap my mind around the situation.

I had no idea WHY I was falling, but there I was. Falling. And judging by the height, I certainly wasn't gonna have a graceful landing.

I desperately tried to remember what could have led to me suddenly falling from the sky; it wasn't because I went skydiving, because I honestly just find that to be a stupid way of toying with death, and plus I would've had a parachute with me. It wasn't because I fell out of a plane, because the only memories I had of flying in a plane certainly weren't recent.

'Maybe it was- Wait, it was that rainbow thing, wasn't it!' I thought as I recalled what had happened seconds ago. At least, it felt like seconds; I've never been very good at telling how much time has passed without looking at a clock, and the fact that I was recently unconscious didn't help.

Moments after realizing that the evil death-rainbow probably had something to do with me now falling from the sky, I realized that I was, in fact, still falling, and attempted to look downwards to see how far away I was from impact. It wasn't easy to keep my eyes open, due to the constant wind in my face, but I saw that the ground wasn't that far away, and I was closing in fast.

I scanned my brain for anything that could help me out here, and I remembered once reading about how, if you find yourself falling from a very high distance without a parachute, you should spread your arms and legs in an X shape to slow your fall; while I knew I'd still be going at about 125 miles-per-hour, at least I wouldn't be hitting the ground as hard as I would have without doing so.

I didn't spread my arms and legs out. So I was falling face first downwards towards the ground. In truth I've always wanted to go skydiving. BUT NOT LIKE THAT! I couldn't open my eyes because of the mad winds. Though, I don't recall hitting the ground, I recall hitting something squishier...

Unfortunately, I couldn't see any bodies of water, so I couldn't land in that; but I did see a medium sized tree, and decided to try and fall through that, as I had heard of someone in World War II that survived a jump from about 18,000 feet without a parachute by falling through a tree and into deep snow. There wasn't any snow around, but the tree was my best chance. I managed to steer myself towards said tree, and braced for impact.

Magnificently, I survived! While crashing through a tree didn't feel very good (probably for both me and the tree), it absorbed some of the energy from the fall, but not enough to keep me from hitting the ground at a relatively fast speed, and I was barely conscious when I hit the ground...Although, I wasn't conscious for much longer, as something (or probably someONE) landed on top of me, knocking me out…

Me and Miles were both normal, 16 and 15 year old kids, respectively, when we were knocked out, but as we both lay there (with him on top of me, no less), unconscious, we began to transform, our features changing from that of humans, to that of the evil, the HORRIFYING, PONIES...

Chapter 2 - Suddenly, Ponies

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