Breaking the 5th wall: 101

by Diamond Brook

Rating: mature
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Random
Length: 2641

When a mystery stallion with no memory of anything gets thrown into a world filled to the brim with imaginary creatures, complex magic, and six crazy girls, you start to think of a cheesy HiE fanfiction. Well guess what! You're wrong

Rated mature for adult and sexual themes (it's not bad yet, but you just wait)

When a mystery stallion with no memory of anything gets thrown into a world filled to the brim with imaginary creatures, complex magic, and six crazy girls, you start to think of a cheesy HiE fanfiction. Well guess what!

You're wrong.

A story done by me, and my only. Hopefully I can change that. This is NOT an official project, just a little something for anyone who has dived deep into the depths of fimfiction at this point.

Published 2013-11-14 03:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-19 02:59:53 UTC

Chapter 1: The Light Shines from the Dark

Darkness…..

The final frontier.

Wait…. or was that space.

I… don't really know. There’s just a bunch of darkness everywhere.

I was floating, in a realm of darkness, with nothing but myself, me, and I. To our left, was nothing but darkness. Below us, nothing but the lack of light. And to the North, pitch black nothingness.

This is how things had always been. Or at least I think so. I don’t know how long I’ve sat here, in the æther. It’s a dreary place, filled with nothing. I don’t know how i got here, or why.

Suddenly, my eyes burnt with the intense light coming from…. my right. Or wait, was that below me. Oh, whatever. Let’s just say that there was a really bright light coming from somewhere. I felt my hooves touch what felt like dirt. Or what I thought dirt felt like. I don't remember anything other than the æther, the darkness that i spawned from.

The world around me started shaping and shifting, all different ways, trees sprouting out here, flowers sprouting over there, and grass everywhere. Again, I did not know how i knew these words, just that…. that’s what these things were. Or at least that’s what i was told.

Finally, the vertigo feeling that had started to begin stopped, and i was able to tell where i was. I was on a dirt path leading towards a small settlement of buildings, and there seemed to be some equine life forms milling around the structures. They seemed friendly enough, their coats, or what i assumed were their coats, were all sorts of cheery colors, like butter yellow, mint green, and bright pink.

Looking beyond the town was another structure fixated onto the side of a mountain, yet this one appeared much smaller than the other organization of buildings. This one seemed much higher up, and seemed as if it should start sliding down the side of the mountain any second now.

Having a sudden urge to walk towards the first group of structures, i was guided by a supernatural force, probably the same one that created this world, in that relative direction.

As I trotted down the path, the question of who I was kept popping up in my mind, over and over again. Who was I, what was I, where was I, and the most important question-

Where am I going

There were a bunch of funny little shapes- err- animals hopping about the path, not seeming worried about my presence. Weird. That little voice at the back of my head said they should usually be frightened.

I finally made my way into the town, where there were many more creatures than what I had previously thought. There were hundreds of them, all milling around, as if they had nothing better to do with their time. Some formed little circles, talking and chatting about… stuff. Others wore strange things around their, what i could assume, was their torsos, and the females had long, flowing hair, while the males tended to have shorter, and less shiny hair.

Yet one thing almost all of these ponies had were little images on their butts.

Each one was unique, and even more cryptic than the last. One creature, a grey one with no horn nor wings, had a flowing black symbol that overlapped itself many times before coming to a stop. I don’t know why, but it left a calming feeling within, and the want to listen to something…. classical. Yet the more you looked at them, the more confusing they became. One such creature, a purple one with a horn, her face being swallowed whole by brown looking object, which bent down the middle, had stars arranged in a seemingly random pattern.

“HI THERE! WHAT’S YOUR NAME! I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE, SO THAT MUST MEAN THAT YOU’RE NEW HERE, AND IF YOU'RE NEW HERE, THAT MUST MEAN I'VE NEVER THROWN YOU A 'WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY' AND THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST BE SAD, AND IF YOU'RE SAD, THEN YOU WON'T BE HAPPY, AND WE NEED YOU TO BE HAPPY, CAUSE ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE HAPPY, AND IF THEY'RE NOT HAPPY, I’M NOT HAPPY, AND I DON'T LIKE NOT BEING HAPPY, SO LETS MAKE YOU HAPPY BY THROWING YOU A 'WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY'.”

I stood there, completely frozen in shock, not knowing how to respond to such an act. Was this an ancient act of courtship between the males and females. I looked between my legs and found that I indeed have the genitals of male. Again, that’s what the voice was telling me.

“WHY ARE YOU LOOKING DOWN THERE, WHAT’S SO COOL DOWN THERE, IS THERE A PARTY CANNO-” The pink creature immediately stopped, and covered her mouth with her hoof. After what felt like minutes, and getting a few stares from some of the other ponies, she calmed herself down enough to where she seemed to be talking at the level of the other ponies around us.

“I’ll talk to you later”, she said, before dashing off, leaving a trail of dust in her wake.

I looked around, and got a few more looks from all the other ponies. Had i not done something right. Was I supposed to rut the pink creature in the middle of the street? Or maybe I hadn't performed my own part of the ritual.

“Hi there”, a voice said from behind. I jumped from the shock, having been in deep thought, but soon regained my composure.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. I thought Pinkie had already done enough of that already”, the purple creature said.

So Pinkie, that was the name of the creature. I shall make it my utmost goal to improve relations with said creature.
“My name is Twilight Sparkle, and you are….” She said expectantly. I sat there, trying to form the words from my mouth, but failing miserably. Instead, I decided not to say anything at all, only signal to her that I couldn't talk. I raised my hoof to my throat, and swiped it across, indicating my voice was no more.

“Oh, you can’t speak… Well, let me just say, Pinkie was happy to see you. Sometimes she just gets… overexcited. You get used to it. Anyways, I’m sure you’ll find whatever you come here for. Ponyville is a major hub for travelers in Equestria, so you’ll find some of your kind here I’m sure.” Twilight’s eyes lit up, and she went on some big rant about the history of Ponytown, or whatever this place was called. Eventually, I tuned her out, and only observed the ponies that resided here. Some were little and tiny, and had no marks on their butts. These ones seemed much more active than the larger ones, and seemed to play a game of torture, where you had to get the other one to cry out in pain so loud, that they gave up. The process was again repeated, yet this time, the attacker became the attackee, and on and on this process went. For a game of torture though, it seemed to leave no fatal wounds, and at the worst only a stain in their coat.

“And here we are. The Golden Oaks Library, home of the largest archive of books within a 50 mile radius, and of the one and only, Twilight Sparkle, and her #1 assistant, Spike.” She used her hoof to gesture towards a giant tree planted in the middle of the city. It has various windows and balconies, and a main door at the ground level. The branches seemed to “branch out” at random and disoriented directions. Yet the purple creature glowed with pride at the structure, so i acted like I was in awe.

And indeed, I was. being a spawn of the æther did not allow one much travel from outside the realm. There was Darkville, Darktown, and my personal favorite, The City of Darkness. Each one was exactly alike though, so I’m pretty sure I staying in Darkville for a majority of the time.

“Pretty impressive, I know. It took a lot of hard work, and even has some personal hexes inside the tree to preserve the life span. You can’t find something like this anywhere else you go.”

“That…… impressive”, I said, looking at the purple pony, waiting for her reaction.

“Oh, you can talk!” She said, leaning in closer, trying to pick up every word or breath i muttered.

“Not… good”, i said, racking my brain for the right words. It didn't seem right, but as long as I got the message across.

“So then tell me, what’s your name”, she begged, wanting desperately to know my name.

“My….. My name?”

Chapter 2: Foreshadowing?

“Yes, your name. Everypony has a name. So what’s yours.”

Something strange started happening to my body. I could feel my legs start to give way to gravity, a force nonexistent in my previous world. My head also started to feel lighter, but I didn’t like the feeling one bit. I decided that this was probably due to the fact I was being asked a question I didn’t have the answer to.

The longer I stood in silence, the more the purple creature looked at me quizzically. Finally, before I felt like my legs could no longer resist the temptation to lie down, she said, “Do you even have a name?”

I shook my head, and slowly formed the word “No” with my lips, letting the sound roll off my tongue. It felt good to know how to speak. That I could voice my opinions, if i ever learned how to use this voice correctly.

“Well that’s strange…. Where do you come from anyways?” She started to look at me differently than before, as if she was studying me rather than showing off her collection of buildings.

“The æther,” I said perfectly, having no problem whatsoever at pronouncing these words.

The female stared at me, a bewildered look resting upon her face. She shook herself from the shock, before trying to pronounce the word herself, and failing miserably.

“No, the æther.” I said again, stressing the æ. It was pronounce like most people would assume, ether, but instead of a soft E, you replaced it with a strong a then e, followed by the ther part.

“Well, if you’d like, you can come sit down inside while i try to find some stuff out,” she said, gesturing towards the rather small looking door leading to the inside of the tree.

“What am I,” I blurted, following the purple creature into the tree.

“You’re a unicorn”, she replied calnmy, despite the obvious fact that I did indeed, have a horn on my head. Going inside the library, I found a mirror of some sorts, and glanced at what the rest of me looked like. I had a diamond white coat, which shined almost under the sun’s rays. It wasn’t a pure white, but it was almost there. My name was light blonde, and was kept short, another indicator that I was indeed, male. I also appeared to be slightly taller than my companion, and my chest puffed out farther than hers. My horn was also slightly larger than hers, and was the same color as my coat. Tapping it, I realized that it felt solid, and not the least bit fluffy.

“Must be bone’” I thought.

The purple unicorn looked about her Tree, looking for something that looked like the object she had earlier. There were many of these things scattered about the Tree. Some were tucked away into little hollow slots at the sides, while some were laying about on the floor and a little centerpiece at the middle of the room.

she seemed to disregard these, only yelling at someone named Spike, and how poor of a job he was doing lately at keeping the library clean. Nevertheless, she continued her search for the item that so intrigued her.

“Ah ha! Here we are. A book on amnesia, or more commonly known as memory loss,” she said proudly. She held the book up in front of her with a weird, purplish glow that enveloped the book from all sides.

“And what does that do,” I said, quicker than any other time before.

“This well help me restore your memory of course! You’ve obviously just hit your head a bit too hard, and wandered into Ponyville without knowing it. We should get you fixed up in no time at all, if we start right now.”

“How do we start,” I asked.

Suddenly, the same purple glow that held the book surrounded me, and layed me down on the ground. The unicorn looked at me, studying my body again, with my belly facing upwards.

“Hmmm….. I’m not seeing any signs of physical impact below you…. and your head seems fine too, no intrusions anywhere to be seen… it must have been an internal blow. I’ll run some tests.”

Suddenly, my insides started melting, as if someone had lit a torch inside me and let it burn, burn all of me. The sensation spread to my limbs, and they flailed out in all directions. I just wanted the burning to stop. Seconds melted into minutes, minutes into hours, but the burning never left. I heard the unicorn say something, but the pain drowned out her words, and i was left only with my thoughts, and all they said was

“Jeez I’m hungry”

Wait…. what? Wasn’t I supposed to be writhing in pain right now, my thoughts incoherent and scrambled. So why in the world would I say that I’m-

“Tucker, get off me, I’m writing”

Who’s Tucker. And where is this voice coming from?

Sooner or later, the fire inside me had burned down. Getting up from the floor, I noticed that the room looked… slightly different. The unicorn from earlier was running around frantically, muttering incomprehensible words to herself, there were even more of those book things on the ground then when the pain started, and a little green and purple creature, much smaller than the unicorn, was following the unicorn, picking up whatever she left unattended to on the ground.

After watching this chaos unfold for a few more minutes, the smaller creature noticed my stirring, and pointed it out to the unicorn.

“Oh, Sweet Celestia! I thought I killed you!” She said, sweeping her arms around me in a constricting grip. She rendered my own arms useless, so i sat there and felt the warmth that came from her body.

“What did that spell do? I felt a burning sensation inside me, as if someone had set my innards on fire.

“I used a memory recovery spell, but something went wrong. I couldn’t find anything, and the charge spread all over your body. Raw magic isn’t good on the body, as you can tell,” she said sheepishly, hiding her face. “But do you remember anything? Maybe some of it did go to your head.”

I thought long and hard, but nothing that hadn't been there before was in my head.

“Sorry, but there’s nothing new,” I said, disappointedly.

“Well then that only leaves one more option”, she chimed.

“And what’s that,” I asked.

“Oh, you’ll see,” she said dismissively.

Oh great. Another stupid ritual. I hope this one wont hurt as much as the last.

Author's Note

So, you're probably sitting there going "What the hell did I just read".

If you are, then you passed the test.

If you aren't, go reread the story. Your brain is so crazy it made sense of all that.

/EDIT this would have came out the day after, but i forgot to press publish. Silly me