The Therapist

I need you to listen I-

Ugh, God! My head! Is this a dream? Is this real?

No, this very real and the pain you are experiencing, equally so.

No shit, Sherlock! Mind telling me just where the hell I am?

You are in Equestria.

Just, where and what the hell is that?

It is far from the place you call home. A land full of harmony and friendship and very little hate, not quite similar to your world based on my observations.

Pff, just what in the hell are you smoking? Look, both of us live in America! Good ol’ US of A, not some weird land of ‘harmony and friendship’ that your drugged mind coughed up!

You humans are so hard to speak with...

And stop calling me ‘human’! As if I didn’t know that already, I mean aren't you one too, druggy?

I am not! I'm an alicorn ruler of-

Blah, blah, blah why don’t you just stop talking!?

That's it, I'm done.

You wake up with saliva on the sides of your mouth, signs that you were drooling when you were unconscious. Reaching into one of your pockets you pull out a small, cricket phone and the first thing you check are the signal bars at the top corner of the screen.

“Shit.” You muttered, “Not a single bar, why did I even buy a cricket phone?” You ask aloud to no one in particular as you stand up.

Your eyes scanned the length of the entire room, noting that nothing had changed since you last laid eyes upon it, “Yep. Knew it. That was a dream.”

You then notice a big spot in the center of the room, at first you thought someone had painted that spot black but on closer inspection, you noticed that it’s surfaced was actually just charred as if someone had lit a fire in that very spot. “What the hell?” You bent down to one knee and touched it with a finger, “Huh, still warm. Guess that means-”

“Hello, friend” said a voice from behind you.

You quickly spun around to see a midnight blue mare standing in front of you with a smirk on her face. “I do believe we’ve met before, right? Druggie?”

Your jaw dropped and then silently uttered. “Holy shit.”

You and Luna stood there, both staring at each other. Her, still with the smirk and you, with a look that probably displayed what you were internally asking yourself, repeatedly. ‘I’ve gone insane, haven’t I?’

“I understand this might be a big shock for you” She said, still smirking. Clearly she was amused by your apparent confusion and obvious shock.

“Me? Shocked? Nooo! Why would I be?” You say, sarcastically. “I’m just standing here, with the center of my floor charred, talking to a giant. fat. fucking. horse!” You finish, yelling when you got to the end of your sentence.

Princess Luna smashed her hooves onto the floor hard enough to leave a noticable dent in their wake, “Watch your tone, human!”

You chuckled. “Why? What are you gonna do? Kill me with 'friendship'?” You flagged her off and said, “Fuck outta here. I’m probably just high and you’re a hallucination.”

Luna sighed, “Look, Equestria is in danger and you solve personal problems, as far as I know, you’re the best at what you do. You’re exactly what we need so would you please help us?”

You sigh then coldly ask, “Why the hell should I give a damn about some group of talking horses anyway?”

“Because you help people.”

“Exactly! People! I. Help. People! Not horses! Go find a damn vet.”

“And, I can help bring back what you once lost.”

What.. She can’t possibly... No way in hell she could know about that!. “Don’t you dare fuck with me, horse! She’s dead! I saw it happen!” You yelled.

She smiled and mentioned your name for the first time in the conversation, “Oh I know what you’re thinking, ‘How could she possibly know about that?’. Well, I know quite a lot about you, just about everything there is to know. I know about your job, your addiction and your family. I even know about your past.”

You walked right up to her, until your face was about an inch away from hers and yelled, “You don't know jack shit about me!”

Luna’s horn glowed, she backed up a bit and took at shot at your chest with a beam of light that sent you smashing into the desk. “Don't worry, that was a warning shot. Calm yourself or the next won’t be.”

You groaned in pain and uttered. “Fuck you.”

Princess Luna walked to you, staring down at you and said, “Look, I’m not asking for much. All you have to do, is your job. I don’t expect you to do it for free, like I said, you help me and I’ll help you in return.”

You lay back on the broken pieces of wood from the table you just crashed into. Finally giving in you said, “Fine, but I'll need an assistant to better understand how you horses tick.”

Princess Luna smiled and said. “Oh, I know a mare capable of doing that just fine.” Her horn started to glow again as her magic enveloped her.

“Oh and one more thing, we’re called ponies.” And then she disappeared in a flash of light.

You rubbed your forehead trying to ease the pain. “Well shit.” You get up and rubbed the dust off your pants. You walked to the broken picture frame then picked it up, saying, “Maybe, just maybe, I can get to see you again.”