The Therapist

by Manes

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy
Length: 2531

You are a human therapist listening to a bunch of magical ponies. How crazy is that!

You are a therapist and your patients are Ponyville's loveable characters! You sit down and listen to their annoying problems.

But, the question is can you handle it?

My First - Second Person story so enjoy!

Also some chapters will be only between 500-600 or maybe 1000 if I feel like going there.

Don't worry there's an editor on his/her way!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-15 19:06:44 UTC

Prologue Redited

It was a glorious day here in Ponyville. The birds chirped as the flew through the sky and Celestia's beautiful sun shone down upon the ponies of Ponyville as they began their day. It was like Everypony in Equestria was having a great day. Well, everypony except you.

On a street called spooner street a tall building lies inside the heart of Philadelphia. Cars rode by the building people argue just in everyday here on earth. You worked inside that tall building as a therapist, helping people workout their personal problems.

You take a sip of out of a cup of coffee, which was filled with sugar and cream. You savor the sweet taste that it brought to your dry tongue. You reach an arm to your lips and wipe the wetness off your lips. During all of this your eyes remain locked on your patience. He tapped his shoe against the floor, impatiently waiting for you to listen to his problems.

You cleared your throat, trying to break the awkward silence. “So, Matthews. Please tell me what's been happening at home. Is there anything specifically you wish to talk about?”

Matthew groaned, annoyance clear in his voice. “It's not going good, Doc. It's like everything I do is wrong! Anything I do with her is wrong!”

You put one leg over the other and straightened yourself in the chair you were sitting in. You folded your hands together, interlocking your fingers. You inhale for a couple of seconds, then exhale, trying to remain calm and not burst out in a fit of rage.

Finally, you speak, “Have you tried any of the methods I have taught you? Have any of them worked at all?”

Matthew tapped his chain with one of his hands, his eyes roaming around  the ceiling.

He responded, rage filled his eyes as you looked into them. “Yes… yes I did. But do you know what, Doc? No matter what I say... she still doesn't give a shit! Nobody does! I've tried everything and it always fails!”

You picked up the cup of coffee bring it to your muzzle, taking one last sip.

You raise an eyebrow. “And why is that, Matthew?”

Matthew slapped his knee and jumped up and out his chair. He lands dead in your face; the alcoholic smell from breath flowing into your nostril.

He shouts, “You tell me! Aren't you the professorial here? Isn’t that why I came to you, or am I paying for some stupid wannabe Therapist!”

You place a hand on his chest and push him back into his chair. You wipe his spit off of your face with a sleeve. “Matthew, I think our session is over, don't you think?” you say politely.

Matthew waved a hand, flagging you off as got up from his chair and walked away. He bumped into a few things; making a lamp fall to the floor, and some photos you kept on your desk. Finally, he made it to the door.

He opened it and turned back to you. “See ya tomorrow, Doc. And next time give me some actually helpful tips!” he shouted before slamming the door shut.

As you stare at the door your hands shook with anger. Soon your eyes start to twitch as your mouth starts to curve into a deep frown. Finally you collapse onto your knees, raise your arms up, and scream at the top of your lungs, “I HATE MY ANNOYING ASS JOB AND THE PATIENTS THAT COME IN HERE!”

“Is everything alright up there?” asked the woman from the speaker box, who were actually sitting behind a desk  and writing up papers. It was your new assistant that you hired just last week, because the old one went crazy.

You get up off your knees before walking to the speaker box and pressed the button to speak to her. “I'm fine, are there any new patients here to see me?”

No response came from the speaker.

You pressed the button again. “Mrs, price, are there any-"

“Greetings, Human.”

You stare at the box confusion. You soon shook it off, knowing it was probably just a prank that your assistant like to pulled on you now and then.

You reply, “Alright, haha very funny, Mrs. Price. Now whens the next-"

“Who's this 'Mrs. Price'?” the voice interrupts.

You face palm. “Alright, enough! Funny business is over! I'm tired of this stupid game! Now tell me, whens the next patient!”

The box remained silent. You waved it off and tug into your pocket, bringing out a small, round bottle full of Scott. You quickly open it.

“My apologizes. I forgot to introduce myself. I am Princess Luna; raiser of the moon and co-ruler of Equestria,” Princess Luna introduce herself.

You bring the bottle up to your lips and take one long gulp, drinking almost half the bottle. “What, Mrs. Price? You watch My-my-my what's that shit called?”

“Sir, I need to tell you that-"

“MY LITTLE DRUNKY!” you suddenly shout, unable to control your volume. By now the effects of the alcohol had taken their tole on your body. You continue, “That's it! Funny now for a kids show thou I would have to talk to them about that.”

“Listen! Equestria is in dire need of your skills. The heroes are fully under too much pressure from their personal problems!” the mare shouts through the call box.

You lay down on the floor due to the room spinning in your vision. “If your from, whatever that place called... then how did you find me? How do you know who I am?”

The mare in the box chuckles. “I have my ways, and I'll explain that later. But right now I need to know, will you help save Equestria?”

You felt the sear pain shoot through your brain cells. You clenched your forehead, trying to stop the pain, but it still kept getting worse. You wish that you could would just pass out now and stop the pain.

You reached for the box on your desk and grab it. “Now listen, Mrs. Price. It was fun playing like this glad I hire you and all, but I'm going to fall asleep now, and then wake up with an ingrowing pain.” And with that, you fell asleep right in the middle of your office.

While you were asleep a large spark erupts in your office, revealing a midnight blue alicorn with a crescent moon for a cutie mark. She walks over to your unconscious body. “I tried it my sister's way, now it's mine turn,” Princess Luna said, putting you onto her back. As soon as she was sure that you were properly secured on her back, her horn lit up any you both were teleported out of the office.

Meeting The Princess

I need you to listen I-

Ugh, God! My head! Is this a dream? Is this real?

No, this very real and the pain you are experiencing, equally so.

No shit, Sherlock! Mind telling me just where the hell I am?

You are in Equestria.

Just, where and what the hell is that?

It is far from the place you call home. A land full of harmony and friendship and very little hate, not quite similar to your world based on my observations.

Pff, just what in the hell are you smoking? Look, both of us live in America! Good ol’ US of A, not some weird land of ‘harmony and friendship’ that your drugged mind coughed up!

You humans are so hard to speak with...

And stop calling me ‘human’! As if I didn’t know that already, I mean aren't you one too, druggy?

I am not! I'm an alicorn ruler of-

Blah, blah, blah why don’t you just stop talking!?

That's it, I'm done.

You wake up with saliva on the sides of your mouth, signs that you were drooling when you were unconscious. Reaching into one of your pockets you pull out a small, cricket phone and the first thing you check are the signal bars at the top corner of the screen.

“Shit.” You muttered, “Not a single bar, why did I even buy a cricket phone?” You ask aloud to no one in particular as you stand up.

Your eyes scanned the length of the entire room, noting that nothing had changed since you last laid eyes upon it, “Yep. Knew it. That was a dream.”

You then notice a big spot in the center of the room, at first you thought someone had painted that spot black but on closer inspection, you noticed that it’s surfaced was actually just charred as if someone had lit a fire in that very spot. “What the hell?” You bent down to one knee and touched it with a finger, “Huh, still warm. Guess that means-”

“Hello, friend” said a voice from behind you.

You quickly spun around to see a midnight blue mare standing in front of you with a smirk on her face. “I do believe we’ve met before, right? Druggie?”

Your jaw dropped and then silently uttered. “Holy shit.”

You and Luna stood there, both staring at each other. Her, still with the smirk and you, with a look that probably displayed what you were internally asking yourself, repeatedly. ‘I’ve gone insane, haven’t I?’

“I understand this might be a big shock for you” She said, still smirking. Clearly she was amused by your apparent confusion and obvious shock.

“Me? Shocked? Nooo! Why would I be?” You say, sarcastically. “I’m just standing here, with the center of my floor charred, talking to a giant. fat. fucking. horse!” You finish, yelling when you got to the end of your sentence.

Princess Luna smashed her hooves onto the floor hard enough to leave a noticable dent in their wake, “Watch your tone, human!”

You chuckled. “Why? What are you gonna do? Kill me with 'friendship'?” You flagged her off and said, “Fuck outta here. I’m probably just high and you’re a hallucination.”

Luna sighed, “Look, Equestria is in danger and you solve personal problems, as far as I know, you’re the best at what you do. You’re exactly what we need so would you please help us?”

You sigh then coldly ask, “Why the hell should I give a damn about some group of talking horses anyway?”

“Because you help people.”

“Exactly! People! I. Help. People! Not horses! Go find a damn vet.”

“And, I can help bring back what you once lost.”

What.. She can’t possibly... No way in hell she could know about that!. “Don’t you dare fuck with me, horse! She’s dead! I saw it happen!” You yelled.

She smiled and mentioned your name for the first time in the conversation, “Oh I know what you’re thinking, ‘How could she possibly know about that?’. Well, I know quite a lot about you, just about everything there is to know. I know about your job, your addiction and your family. I even know about your past.”

You walked right up to her, until your face was about an inch away from hers and yelled, “You don't know jack shit about me!”

Luna’s horn glowed, she backed up a bit and took at shot at your chest with a beam of light that sent you smashing into the desk. “Don't worry, that was a warning shot. Calm yourself or the next won’t be.”

You groaned in pain and uttered. “Fuck you.”

Princess Luna walked to you, staring down at you and said, “Look, I’m not asking for much. All you have to do, is your job. I don’t expect you to do it for free, like I said, you help me and I’ll help you in return.”

You lay back on the broken pieces of wood from the table you just crashed into. Finally giving in you said, “Fine, but I'll need an assistant to better understand how you horses tick.”

Princess Luna smiled and said. “Oh, I know a mare capable of doing that just fine.” Her horn started to glow again as her magic enveloped her.

“Oh and one more thing, we’re called ponies.” And then she disappeared in a flash of light.

You rubbed your forehead trying to ease the pain. “Well shit.” You get up and rubbed the dust off your pants. You walked to the broken picture frame then picked it up, saying, “Maybe, just maybe, I can get to see you again.”

Your New Assistant!

You’re seated behind your desk, leaning back on your chair with your hands at the back of your head, waiting for that assistant Luna claimed to be sending. Something she had said about the ‘assistant’ caught your attention, though, the fact that it knew about your species even though being a hor- pony.

You reached into your left pant pocket and pulled out a piece of paper that seemed to have gotten crumpled during the little ‘incident’ you had earlier. Opening it out, you began to read what was written neatly on the paper.

Meet me at your place after work, you’ve been really stressed out lately and I want to help you relieve some of it after how those patients have been treating you. You deserve it.

Love, P

It still hurt, deep inside. The day you lost her to that tragic car accident was the day your life started becoming trashier day by day and always been stressed, unable to put it behind you. You neatly folded the piece of paper and put it back in your pocket and wondered why there wasn’t anyone claiming to be this assistant already here, “I swear if Princess Blue Bitch lied to me, I’ll-”

“Oh. My. GOSH!” shouted a cheerful, mint-green unicorn mare. “Y-you're a human!”

You stared at the mare in what could only be described as confusion, then you yelled back, “And you're a unicorn!”

She began slowly walking toward you with a crazy grin on her face and her eye twitched just a little bit when she spoke, “Everypony called me crazy for thinking humans exist! Said I was too obsessed! But here you are!”

You chuckled nervously, “Well, can't say they were wrong about you being crazy!”

The unicorn gasped. “Where are my manners!? I'm here to assist you in better understanding our species!”

“And I get partner with a crazy hor- pony that's obsessed with humans.” You rubbed your temple and muttered, “That pony better keep up to her promise.”

The unicorn reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a piece of paper which looked like a form then handed it over to you, smiling, “Here's the list I created of the ponies that are having personal problems that require your assistance!”

You looked at the paper and saw quite a few odd names written on it, “So, this all them?” You asked.

She nodded and replied, “Yup! That's all of them!”

“Well... What's your name?”

“Lyra heartstrings, but you can just call me Lyra!”

You smiled and replied. “Well Lyra, we got a date with Twilight Sprinkle!”

“It's Sparkle.” She corrected, helpfully.

You waved her off and muttered, “Whatever.”